The Old Altean Wasteland was a miserable place, filled with crumbling ruins with not a single village in sight for its entire stretch. Not even the hardy Plegians could make the ruined land livable. Not a drop of water was nearby, meaning we had to bring all of the water we could use with us. I'd heard a lot from Robin about it. Marth's old homeland was one of the first places to feel Grima's wrath during the Schism.

It was impossible to miss the ruins that surrounded our army as we marched. It was like traveling through Dark Souls all over again. When I wasn't cursing the heat of the day and the freezing temperatures of the night, I was wondering just how long those ruins would be there. Would they be there long after I was gone? Probably, if they'd lasted over a thousand years.

Not that any of it mattered. Soon, the ruins around us would serve as an audience to the carnage to come. It was going to be one hell of a battle, if the numbers were right.

We had set up camp in the shadow of a broken cathedral. We were not but a day's march from Gangrel's location. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

I was waiting for the inevitable when Frederick, in all of his shining armor glory, broke into the campsite, his expression grim. Chrom left his command tent along with Robin, and met him right in the middle of the camp. Not the best place to receive news, but who was I to judge?

"Milord, I bring news from Phila and her scouts," Frederick reported, his voice level.

Phila was alive. My head perked up. I'd nearly forgotten all about her.

You were able to save her but not Emmeryn. Three lives for the price of one. Now that's a fucking bargain.

Chrom traded glances with Robin and took a deep breath. "Let's hear it, Frederick. No holding back."

Frederick bowed his head. "The Plegian army number in the thousands. A small amount of them have deserted, but not so many that it evens the odds. They have the advantage of numbers."

Well, it looked like I was wrong about the fight being even. I hung my head. Another nail in my metaphorical coffin. Not only did our attempt to save Emmeryn fail, but it actively made things worse.

Perfect. Aren't they lucky to have you here, boy scout?

I heard Chrom swear under his breath and look to the sandy ground. Robin, on the other hand, only paled slightly before returning to normal.

"Chrom," He called.

"Robin, it feels as if all of our efforts have been in vain," Chrom spilled out without warning. "All of it. All of the battles, Emm's… Emm's death. All of the sacrifice, for nothing. I feel just as powerless when she fell as I do now. We couldn't save her. I couldn't save her! And now Gangrel's army occupies our home, doing Gods know what to our people. My failures have led us to this point! I just-"

I frowned, my breathing becoming more ragged as I tried to hold back tears.

It's not your failures, Chrom. It's mine.

"Chrom, look at me," Robin said firmly.

Chrom's eyes left the ground and focused on Robin's red ones.

"I was powerless once, remember?" He asked, stretching his arms out. "Alone, all of us our powerless. But that is why we banded together! We will fight our hardest to avenge Emmeryn's death, and we will struggle to uphold her ideas, together! If you falter, I, we, will pick you back up! And should you fall, we shall fall with you!"

"I am not worthy of her ideals, Robin," Chrom stated. "I thank you, but, I am just not her. I am not as forgiving as she was. She was on a different plane than I. Why would any of you want to follow someone such as that? Someone who would fail at what he's always wanted to uphold?"

"If you do not think you are worthy of her ideals, you will keep working at it until you are," Robin said resolutely. "And if you should truly fall, then I will go with you. No matter what. You will always have me."

I decided to stop being silent.

"And you'll have me," I stood up, and walked over towards them. "I've made a shit ton of mistakes in my life. But for what it's worth, you have my sword. For Emmeryn."

Unbeknownst to Chrom, all the Shepherds had gathered and heard him profess his worries. One by one, they spoke.

"Heh, what he said!" Nowi said cheerfully. "Although I don't like swords. Guess I'll just flame 'em! That still counts, right?"

Lon'qu stepped forward. "Were I to find you unworthy, I would have deserted you long ago."

"Hah, admit it, you'd lose half the manpower in this army without me! With ya till the end, Your Highness!" Sully said, half-mockingly and half-sincerely.

Vaike flexed his impressive muscles. "Where would Teach be without his rival!? Gotta have someone around to keep ya on yer toes! Glad to oblige!"

A teen with a pot on his head came forward, adjusting it slightly. "If ya didn't save me an' my ma, I'd be done in the ground or milkin' cows! Ya gave me the life I always done wanted, Your Majestyfulness!"

A young boy in a barely fitting robe spoke next. I almost forgot about Ricken. "You're like a hero to us, and to me! We'd be lost without you!"

If I'd looked away for just a moment, I would've missed the small tear that went down Chrom's cheek at our declarations. "My Shepherds… My friends! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you! The battle ahead is unsure, our future uncertain. And yet I ask you to follow me. Gangrel must be stopped for peace to finally reign in Ylisse. Will you follow me?"

"Heh, count me in!" Lissa said, waving her staff around playfully. "I'm tired of moping around all the time! Time to start kicking butt!"

I snickered at that one.

"Hear, hear, darling! Our people have suffered enough!" Maribelle said, somehow being heard by me even though she was on the other side of the circle the Shepherds had formed.

"I care not for Gangrel," A dark voice said next to me, making me nearly jump out of my skin. "But should you ask me, I suppose I wouldn't say no…"

Tharja.

I'd completely forgotten she'd existed. I didn't miss the way Robin looked away, extremely uncomfortable. Hell, I was uncomfortable.

"I would gladly lay down my life for House Lowell! You have my sword!" Stahl declared.

"I'll fight for you too, my lord!" A voice shouted next to me. For once, I was able to keep myself from slamming straight into Kellam's armored form. "You know. Since I'm here and all."

"Ah, to inspire such loyalty, even from me! Truly you possess the talents of a worthy monarch! I, the archest of archers, will valiantly fight at your side!" Virion said, swishing his purple hair back dramatically.

"Come what may, my liege, I shall always be the shield at your side!" Sumia said.

"Your sister earned my respect," Panne rumbled. "You shall have my claws at your call. The last of the taguel will champion her."

"I shall fight by your side, my prince!" I heard Cordelia say. "Until the very end!"

"You have grown stronger, milord. Stronger than anyone could have realized," Frederick said, his voice uncharacteristically wavering. "I'm afraid I have set a poor example as a Knight under your command, but I swear to you, I will lay down my life long before I allow any more exalted blood be spilled!"

"All of you… Your words have done more for me than anything else could," Chrom said sincerely. I saw Robin smile fondly as Chrom regained himself. "You all honor me with your fealty. I promise you, I shall not falter again! We shall answer his goading with outrage! The Mad King must be stopped!"

Cheers of agreement made my ears ring, and yet I joined my voice with theirs. In that moment, I felt like I truly belonged. I hadn't felt that in a long time. That night may have been the best night of my entire life just for that reason.

Like so many other things, it was an ephemeral feeling.

The last morning before the battle was a quiet one, despite the lingering feeling of hope from the night before. We'd arrived near what would become a bloody battlefield come midday, the sun hanging high in the sky and blanketing the sand and dust in light. The land was in-between two dried riverbeds, and on the far side from where we were, were old ruined forts. Gangrel's base of operations. To charge in with reckless abandon would be suicide, considering the size of his forces against our own. The Shepherd's may have been a highly trained private militia at that point, but even we could succumb to sheer numbers.

Robin apparently surmised as much as I, as his focused gaze trailed across the ruined horizon. Even from there, we could see the fires from the Plegian's side.

"They outnumber us three-to-one," I said, looking away back to the camp. "I know what I said last night but right now I'm starting to think we're fucked."

"It is an even fight, then," Robin replied without blinking.

I stared at him blankly.

"I've already discussed the plan with Chrom and the Khans," Robin continued, crossing his arms. "No matter what, Gangrel is going to fall on this day. I am sure of it."

"No matter the cost, Robin?" I asked quietly.

"We are getting out of this alive, Alex," Robin said assuredly, turning his head to face me. "You have my word. No one is dying on my watch this day."

"God, I hope you're right," I mumbled to myself.

"You shall see," He said simply, turning around completely. "Gangrel is impatient; I'm sure he wants this war to end almost as much as we do. We shall capitalize on this, just as he was hoping to do so to us."

I had a traitorous thought that Robin didn't understand Gangrel nearly as much as he thought he did. Not that I did either, although his impassioned speech to Emmeryn certainly implied a great deal. Nonetheless, I nodded. I had to have faith in Robin if I didn't have any faith in myself. The only reason any of Robin's plans failed was because of my own negligence, after all.

Not that time. That time I was just another soldier on the battlefield. One of many. I liked it that way. All I had to do was just go out there and follow orders. I could do that. Who couldn't?

"The battle will begin soon, Alex," Robin informed me, walking back towards the camp. "Take what time is left to get your head clear. You will know when it is time."

He walked back to the camp, the dust on the ground puffing up with each step.

I took one last look at the soon-to-be battlefield. The ground was cracked and arid, almost like it was dry skin. The ruins of a long-gone kingdom would be all around us as we fought. I could already see it; the blood of thousands flowing through the cracks like rivers, the bodies piling up into giant mountains of decay and rot.

I shook my head, attempting to shuffle those thoughts away. They'd do me no good. They wouldn't do anyone good.

Yet, I couldn't help but think of all the things that could go wrong.

Two armies stood on either side of the ruined landscape, facing each other down with not a sound between them.

The silence was deafening. The air was thick with tension. I almost felt like I couldn't breathe. On either side of me were my friends, my comrades throughout the past half-year. Donnel on my right, and Vaike on my left.

Donnel still wore that ridiculous pot on his head, although the rest of him was kitted out in armor. Even Vaike had done away with going out into battle with only a single shoulderplate, opting to put armor on himself for once. I tried to ignore the rays of sunlight glinting off of it and into my eyes.

In front of us, at the head of the formation, stood Chrom.

Far away, the Plegian army looked like a horde of ants. There were so many of them I couldn't tell where their formation ended and began. I wondered just how fucked we'd have been if Gangrel had waited for his main army to attack us.

It was time. Everything hinged on this moment.

Chrom unsheathed Falchion, the legendary blade nearly blinded me with the light reflecting off it, and held it steady.

Off in the distance, I heard the sound of horns. The next moment, the Plegian army surged forward in a stampede like a herd of buffalo.

At the sight of it, I took a step back, only to have a hand keep me from doing what my instincts demanded I do. Turning around, I saw Lon'qu, giving me the stink eye. The Chon'sinian swordsman nodded his head to the charging Plegian forces, and I forced myself back around. I shook my head and forced myself to harden my resolve. I couldn't run even if I wanted to.

"Archers!" Chrom ordered. In the next moment, arrows filled the sky like rain, coming down on the charging Plegians. The arrows struck true, impaling a good portion of them before they even reached our line. Some Plegians fell, gurgling on their own blood when the arrows pierced through their throats. Others were not so lucky, instead having their bodies riddled with them before they collapsed, unable to move.

This did not stop the Plegians. They just ran over, or in some cases avoided, their fallen friends. The dust they kicked up began to make them look like they were running away from a sandstorm.

"Shepherds, Feroxi! Hold the line!" Chrom shouted, holding Falchion in a defensive stance.

All around me, I heard swords being drawn from their scabbards, axes being loosed from belts, and spears being drawn out. Donnel drew his own sword, while Vaike's giant axe glinted in the sun. I couldn't tell if the sounds were grating, or music to my ears.

The Plegians drew closer.

One moment, all I could hear was the stomping of booted feet and hooves. And in the next, I was blocking a blow from an axe. Our forces finally clashed.

I gritted my teeth as the full force of the Plegians slammed into me. Screams and shouts echoed through the air, as did the infernal noise of steel and iron clashing against each other. I pushed the Plegian who crashed into me back and swung my sword down through his shoulder. He screamed as the blow no doubt shattered his shoulder blade and cut into his chest. I wrenched my blade free as his face was contorted into an ungodly expression of pain. My sword plunged through his chest, and he fell to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.

I could see my friends fighting. Chrom practically flew through the battlefield, Falchion still shining so brightly despite the blood that now coated it. He cut one Plegian down after another. He even bisected one, with said Plegian's front half falling forward with a dumbfounded expression, with his legs falling backward.

I heard Vaike shout as his axe cleaved a Plegian's head in two, and another time when it buried itself in another one's shoulder. Nervously, I saw Donnel facing off against several Plegians at once. My worries were assuaged when he cut one of them down, before being helped by Sully on horseback, her spear going straight through a soldier's breastplate and out his back.

We were not without our own casualties. The Feroxi with us were taking as many losses as the Plegians. I saw one Feroxi, covered in fur, get torn apart as two Plegian cavaliers got him with their swords, spraying blood over their horses. Another Feroxi killed a Plegian with his axe but didn't realize that a mage was readying a fireball just behind him. Charred chunks of flesh rained across the battlefield soon after.

My breathing was erratic as I kept going. Another Plegian fell to my sword, his blood coating both it and the dry ground. I spotted another one just as he spotted me. We were charging at each other before an unexpected interruption came from the sky and crushed him. A pegasus, its white wings splattered with red as it twitched on the ground. What I could only assume was once its rider was a barely recognizable hunk of flesh, not unlike the man who'd just been crushed by them.

I looked to the sky for a moment, seeing that the skies were filled with an airborne fight of its own. Pegasi, wyverns, and what I could only assume were griffins all flew through the sky like a mythic dog fight. A griffin soared above a wyvern, its riders axe burying into the flying lizard's long neck. Its blood fell to the ground like crimson rain, followed by its giant body. A Pegasus' wing was sheared off by a passing wyvern rider, sending the creature and its rider careening to the ground. Disturbingly, I even saw a wyvern attack a griffin with its teeth, ripping said griffin's throat out.

If Cordy's up there, I hope she's okay.

My body returned to autopilot as the battle continued. The horde of Plegians seemed endless as I cut down soldier after soldier, gaining cuts and slashes of my own as it went on. After a while, I heard a roar from just behind our line. The Plegian I was fighting looked behind me as something flew up from our lines. His eyes widened almost comically as another roar echoed across the bloodied landscape.

Nowi had arrived.

Nowi, in dragon form, flew through the sky like a kite, her strong wings easily keeping her aloft. All of the fliers in the sky avoided her like she carried the plague. That was a mistake, as in that next moment, Nowi unleashed incandescent fire onto their land-dwelling brethren.

I could see all of it. Some Plegians were turned into charcoal in an instant, the ground beneath them turning into glass as the fire trailed across the battlefield. Others were not so lucky, only having a body part or two be burned off. This made them easy pickings for our forces.

At any other point, I would've been terrified of the sight of so much death around me, but all I felt was numbness. Numbness at the blood and the dying.

I heard another horn ring out. Our horn. Our signal. All at once, our forces disengaged. Some finished fighting each other, not stopping until the other was dead on the ground. I attempted to pull back, but something stopped me.

I couldn't see Donnel.

…No. nononono

"Fuck!" I cursed, dodging a blow from a Plegian before stabbing him through the chest. I needed to find Donnel. He wasn't retreating with the rest, that much I could tell.

I could see a group of Plegians, surrounding a lone soldier. I couldn't make out his face, but I decided to take my chances.

I ran forward.

A Plegian tried to stop me, but a slashed my sword across his throat and let him fall to the ground as I kept going. Soon enough, I was upon the small group. My blade went through one's back, making him cry out before I wrenched it free and kicked him to the ground. All I could hear was my own heartbeat thundering in my ears as I cut one down. And then another. And another. Their blood sprayed over me but somehow, I didn't care. Once they were all taken care of, I looked down, and I paled.

To say Donnel was in a bad state would be an understatement. It was clear he'd been surrounded, just as I'd seen him. Several stab wounds. Blood flowing onto the ground. One of my worst fears. His pot was hanging off his head awkwardly. Despite that, he was still breathing shallowly.

"A…Alex…?" He rasped. "Think… Think I done… bit off more than I can chew, huh…?"

I snapped back to my senses as I knelt down. "Jesus fucking Christ, Donny! Hang on, lemme just-!"

A shout interrupted me, and I turned back to see a Plegian with his axe raised. I wouldn't have enough time to block the blow; I was about to join Donnel in being emaciated.

A different axe buried itself in the soldier's shoulder, making him scream in agony. He was silenced as it was yanked out and buried in his chest. Vaike stood above the body, looking at me like I was crazy.

"What in Naga's name are ya doin' Alex-!" He stopped as he saw Donnel. "Oh. Ah, shit!"

"We need to get him outta here, now!" I exclaimed, carefully hoisting Donnel's arm over my shoulder. "Please, for the love of all that's holy, keep 'em off my back!"

I noticed his pot fell off his head, but paid it no mind.

"Er, yeah, ya got it! Don't worry, bud, we'll get ya outta here!" Vaike encouraged, staring down another Plegian that'd taken notice of us. "Gods damn, how many of 'em are there!?"

"Doesn't matter! We need to get with the others!" I shouted, realizing holding Donnel arm over my shoulder in the state he was in might not be the best decision. Instead, I opted for an army carry, with his entire torso over my shoulders.

"A-Alex… Ma's gonna be cross with me…" He whispered. I could hear him. Despite all the noises of hell around me, I could hear him.

"Fuck, why's that, Donny? Stay with me goddamnit!" I cried.

"Don't think I'm… gonna be true to my promise…" He murmured. I could hear the pain in his raspy voice.

"D-don't you dare fucking say that, Donnel!" I nearly shrieked, going as fast as I could, my legs trying their best to outrun the horde behind us. Vaike was doing his best to keep stragglers off of us. I'd have to remember to thank him. Would have to tell Donnel to do that, too, because he was making it out of there.

"…Tell my ma… I'm sorry…" He breathed out.

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed, feeling a burning sensation around my eyes. "Fucking hell! Vaike, come on!"

Despite all the odds, we made it. Vaike and I, with Donnel on my shoulders. Back to the camp. Feroxi reserve troops were holding off the Plegians while the Shepherds rearmed and healed. Soon, we'd go back and charge the Plegians again, and hold off long enough to get Gangrel to take to the field. I passed by several people, including Stahl, who looked at me and winced.

I didn't care. What mattered was getting Donnel to a healer.

With his job done, Vaike went to go help someone else. That was fine. I spotted what I assumed was the cleric's tent and entered.

It was full of people, most of them on cots with bandages wrapped around their injuries. Some looked dead. That didn't matter. I walked further in, noticing a few clerics and priests attending to the wounded. I saw a cleric towards the back, her eyes bloodshot and tired.

I made a beeline towards her. She looked up from her current duties and grimaced.

"Please, please, you gotta help Donny!" I nearly screamed, close to hysterics. I laid him down, noticing how peaceful he looked. The ground was hardly the best place for him, but it was the only space available.

Wordlessly, the cleric held a staff over him, its green glow washing over him like water.

"H-he was surrounded. On all sides. The fuck did they do that for!? Were they scared of him or some shit?"

"Sir?"

"I-I'm just glad I got him outta there. I mean fucking hell he was…"

"Sir."

"But it's okay now because-!"

"Sir!"

I was snapped out of it and looked the cleric in the eyes.

She held her staff to her chest, looking at me with as much sympathy as her tried expression would allow. "I'm… I'm sorry, sir. He's dead."

The world grew still, the air silent. I looked down at Donnel's body, noticing how his chest wasn't moving up and down. Despite all of the wounds and the blood, he looked as if he was at peace. My eyes didn't leave his body for several moments.

I felt something snap. The dam I'd constructed broke down, letting loose a flood.

All I saw was red.

"Those. Fucking. Animals," I snarled, drawing my sword and turning around, ignoring the protests of the cleric.

"Oh, Alex, you-" I pushed pass the person who entered the tent, only taking notice of her crimson hair before I walked out into the sun.

I breathed in and out, in and out. It felt like I'd just injected adrenaline straight into my bloodstream. My mind was foggy, yet so, so clear. I'd made up my mind.

I was going to go back out to that accursed battlefield, and I was going to murder every single bastard who got in my way.

"You motherfuckers!" I roared, charging forward with my sword held high in the air. It was not a far run. Not the farthest I'd ever ran. I was still ready to kill them.

The Plegian who was unlucky enough to be in front of me first got a face full of sword as I forced my blade through his skull, not stopping until it was all the way through. His eyes still focused on me through the whole thing, up until I yanked the sword upward, effectively cutting his head in half. He fell to the ground with a wet 'plop'.

I spotted another one and shouted so loud I barely sounded human to my own ears. He barely had time to react before I plunged my sword deep into his shoulder. I stabbed it so far I could see the white of bone. He screamed so loud my ears were ringing.

"You feel that, fucker!?" I growled, tearing my blade free. "I'm gonna make sure you feel everything Donny felt, bastard!"

He'd already dropped his own weapon, so he was unable to stop my sword from cutting his other shoulder like a meat cleaver through beef. I silenced his screeching by shoving my sword up through his jaw and out the back of his head. His face went cross-eyed before he fell to the sandy and bloody ground.

I turned around, not nearly done yet, noticing the battle going on all around me. Another Plegian looked at me, fear in his eyes.

"You!" I breathed out, taking a step forward. "I'll kill you all, do you hear me!? I'll kill every single last one of you!"

I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I descended into all of my repressed emotions, letting it all out in one final show. Time became a blur. All around me was red. Everything was red. One Plegian went down, my sword through his chest, cracking through his ribs before I brutally tore it out through his side, making him look like a slasher movie victim. Another went down when I slashed him across the leg, letting him watch in fear as my blade went across his neck. His head rolled around like a marble. I did not relent. I couldn't let myself relent. I had to keep the momentum up. To stop was to die. To stop meant to be like Donnel.

Donnel…

"You're all like animals! Every single one of you, an animal! Fucking animals!" I shouted, my vocal cords feeling raw.

My sword broke inside the belly of a Plegian, snapping in half like a twig. I blinked, briefly snapped out of my rage before descending back into it again. Another Plegian was coming up behind me as his friend fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I whirled on him and tackled him, catching him off guard.

I wasn't even making coherent sounds anymore. Somewhere, in the back of my mind where I was still lucid, I could tell that. Just growls, snarls, and the occasional shout.

I raised both of my fists and slammed them down onto the man's head.

I didn't stop at just one. Repeatedly I swung down. One fist after the other, I beat his face into a bloody pulp. I kept at it, until I heard a crack. The soldier stopped moving. His head looked like someone had broken a plate with spaghetti on it.

Quickly, I reached for the man's weapon. An axe. I didn't care what weapon I had to use. Any piece of metal and wood would do.

The next Plegian found this out when I brought my newfound axe upwards, crashing through his ribs like a wrecking ball before tearing through his neck with it.

The Plegians were endless. I should've been worried, should've been concerned. I wasn't. Instead, I was happy. It meant I wouldn't run out of them. I was going through them rather fast, after all.

The axe didn't last long, breaking off at the hilt easily after only a couple dozen strikes. That didn't matter. It just meant I had to scavenge off the ground. A bloodied sword would have to do. Metal against flesh. Blood against the ground.

I could make out the words of several Plegians. I was surprised they could even speak. A few words made sense. Not many, but a few. 'Monster' chief among them. What right did they have to call me that? After what they did to Donnel?

I made sure the next Plegian I came across knew that. I surprised him, swinging my sword just in front of his nose. He fell to the ground, trying his best to get away.

Of course, he would. How very much like them. Like all of them. I stepped forward until I was right above him. I shouted one last time, lifting my right arm up, ready to kill him and be done with it.

I was confused when I didn't see the sword swing down with my arm. I was even more confused when I saw a severed hand sail through the air, blood flowing out of where it used to connect to the arm of someone, looking like the beginning of a great, swirling red vortex. A blood red sword fell to the ground beside it once it landed.

I snapped out of it. For good that time as I looked down at my arm. My right hand was gone. I felt nothing there, absolutely nothing. All that was left was the bloody stump where it used to be. My forearm looked wrong without it.

I turned around to see a Plegian, a young one; no older than maybe sixteen. He stared at me with tears in his eyes and the most hate-filled expression I'd ever seen.

I didn't have time to think about that. He swung his sword up, and I could feel it travel through my body. I could see my own blood spray out of my cut skin. I could feel my ribs crack and buckle as it continued to travel upward. It went through my throat, and finally stopped after cutting into my cheek.

I could feel iron-tasting liquid fill my mouth as I fell backwards.

All I could see was a red woman above a fluffy cloud, and all went dark.

An impossible dream. A lie. A fabrication.

It was unachievable, the thing I wanted. Not like I'd made much of an effort to get it, did I? I just sat in the back, quietly thinking how cool it'd be to be like them. Like a hero. Who would pass up the chance to become that? It was the very reason people played video games or read books in the first place.

Fantasy and reality were two completely different things. And I found out I was not a hero, and I never would be.

A hero wouldn't have let Emmeryn die. A hero wouldn't have allowed Donnel to be butchered. A hero would have done something. He would have changed things for the better.

And what did I do?

I did nothing.

The light I'd chased for so long would never be in my grasp. That much I understood.

It was so, ungodly hot. It felt like the heat was burning a hole through my chest. Thirst and hunger racked my body as I tried to take a breath, only to feel like I was drowning. My eyes opened slowly, mechanically, to nothing but blurry shapes and colors. It felt like the entire world was rocking in place.

"Darling, you need… calm yourself…doing everything we can," I heard a voice. Muffled, barely audible compared to the ringing in my ears. One of the blurs said it, I was sure. The yellow-gold one. "He is in… condition. We need to…"

Condition? What condition? What was happening? I could barely see, could barely hear. For all I knew, the world around me really was just a bunch of blurry figures and faces staring down at me. Like a kid looking down at their ant farm.

"Marib… I know that but we need to… Cordelia's…" A different voice. Lighter. It wasn't supposed to sound so sad. It felt unnatural.

What about Cordelia? Was she okay? Was Donnel okay?

Wait… Donnel…

I gurgled, trying to say something but failing to. Liquid poured down my throat and into my lungs, making breathing more difficult than ever before.

"Gods, he's awake…! Lissa, help… keep him from reopening… get him back to sleep…!" The other voice frantically shouted.

I didn't understand any of that. What was happening to me? Why did I feel like that? What was with the scorching heat in my chest and thick liquid choking me? I didn't know. I didn't know anything. Soon, all I began to feel was pain.

Then it went dark again.

I tried to chase the light. I really did. In the end, though, I couldn't.

I fell down. I tripped. I stuttered. I hesitated. Soon, it was so far away there would never be any hope of getting it ever again. All of my effort, for nothing. An existence without it was one that lead to nothing. No accomplishment, no feeling, nothing. A world without it was a damned cold one.

A world without it was not worth living in.

I looked to my right. Twinkling in the darkness was a sword. Sharper than anything I'd ever seen. It would be the perfect tool. It would serve its ultimate purpose. Not like I could anymore.

I picked it up by its cold hilt. It was more frigid than death itself.

With not a hint of hesitation, I placed the blade's tip against my stomach.

I thrusted-

My eyes opened slowly, groggily. For a few seconds, my mind was completely blank. All I was conscious to, was a dull throbbing near my right hand and my chest. Blurry shapes came into focus as I stared up at the ceiling. An unfamiliar yet homely ceiling. A lot like the one back at my room in the barracks.

My eyes widened as memories came flooding back to me.

"D-Donnel!" I sat straight up, ignoring the pain in my chest for a second.

It was too much. I held a hand to my-

There was something very, very wrong. Even my voice sounded wrong. Definitely more gravely than before. Like someone dried my vocal cords while I was out.

Quivering a little, I raised my right arm up. That was what felt the strangest.

A scarred stump was all that greeted me. From my wrist down, there was nothing. My hand was gone. Completely gone. For a second, I didn't even register that fact. I looked down at my bare chest, nearly throwing up at the massive trauma I'd sustained. A massive, ugly scar trailed up from my side, going across my sternum. I traced its path along my throat and face, noticing it had cut through my lip and up to my cheek.

"W…what…" My voice didn't sound like my own. Not at all.

Trembling in that room, all I could do was stare at where my right hand used to be.

...Yeah. Emotionally taxing. Just like the next chapter. Not done at the time of writing this AN but it should hopefully be done soon.

So, yeah. Nothing to say, really. This chapter speaks for itself.

Would you believe me if I said I initially wanted to write this as pure wish-fulfillment? That didn't last long.

Here's a link to our Discord: discord .gg/9XG3U7a

So yeah, see you guys next week.

Edited on 2/21/21. This chapter was a lot more brutal than I remembered.