I wasn't not sure how long I sat there looking at where my right hand used to be. However much time it was, it was long enough for someone to come in and check on me.

"Oh, you're awake," They observed, pausing as they opened the door before entering entirely. "The healers told me you would not be conscious for another week."

I turned, slowly, to the cloaked tactician that entered my room. Robin walked forward, pulling up a nearby chair and placing it just to the side of my bed.

"Robin," I rasped. "What happened to me?"

He winced as he heard me speak. I couldn't blame him; I sounded like I'd eaten an entire gravel driveway. "I'll… tell you in a moment. How are you feeling? Any sharp pains? Lissa and Maribelle patched up most of the damage on the way here, but there's always a chance for something to go wrong with injuries of your caliber."

"As far as I know, I came here in a wagon with fucking holes in my throat and chest, and down one hand, and everything just hurts all over," I growled, holding up my stump for him to see. "How the hell do you think I'm doing?"

"Ah, I meant sharp pains," Robin clarified, avoiding looking at the patch of scar tissue where my hand used to be. "That would mean that a wound has reopened. Although I do not think any have, if you are able to talk as you are."

I looked down at my sheet-covered legs for a second before replying: "No. No sharp pains. I'm just uncomfortably warm, all around here." I traced my fingers along the scar on my chest. "A-and my voice, Robin. What happened?"

Robin had trouble looking me in the eye. "I will not lie to you, Alex, you were in a bad state when I first saw you. It looked like someone had tried to pry your chest open with their bare hands. And your hand," He forced himself to look at where it used to be. "Lissa and Maribelle had to work overtime just to keep you breathing. Your wounds were so severe they were in danger of reopening if you were not attended to for extended lengths of time. You were lucky to get out with just those scars."

"I don't feel very lucky right now, Robin."

Robin shrugged. "T-they did the best they could, Alex. I'm just…"

I rubbed my forehead, feeling myself almost breaking when I heard the tone of his voice. "I-I know, Robin." I perked up. "What happened to Donnel? And the battle? I can't- I remember something happened to him, but I can't remember what."

At that, Robin buried his face in his gloved hands. After a few deep breaths, he looked back up. "The battle ended with our victory; Gangrel is dead. As for Donnel," Robin paused, his expression darkening. "He's gone, Alex. You brought him into a cleric's tent after the first half of the battle, but he had already succumbed to his wounds before you even arrived. The other Shepherds have taken it hard, despite our overall resounding victory."

Dead. Donnel is dead. You couldn't save him.

"Oh." I closed my eyes. Somehow, deep down, I knew that was what happened. I just didn't want to believe it. The literal ray of sunshine that was Donnel was dead. He'd never go home. We would never talk again. He'd never do anything except rot six feet under the ground.

"It should have never happened," Robin claimed vehemently. "He should never have been left alone. I should have assigned someone to help him. For him to be killed under my watch, because of my strategy, is unacceptable."

"Not like I helped much," I mumbled, laying back down. "I know I'll sound like a broken record here, but really I should've been the one to help him. Instead, all I did was bring back his corpse."

"A friend of mine once told me to never blame yourself for someone else's mistakes," Robin said, his voice adamant. "This was not your fault, but mine. Let it stay that way."

I was going to retort, although I was unsure what I was going to really say. Fortunately,the door opened suddenly. A familiar red-headed pegasus knight entered my room.

"Oh," She seemed to be lost in thought before she entered the room, but her eyes focused on Robin and me after a second. "If this is a bad time, I can come back later-"

"It is fine." Robin waved off. "It is not as if we were discussing anything really important. Come in."

Cordelia nodded, entering fully. She pulled out the last remaining chair and sat close to me and Robin. "It was my turn to check on Alex, but I suppose that is no longer necessary."

"Check on me?" I asked, brow raised. "Wait, how long was I out for?"

I tried my best to ignore Cordelia wincing at the sound of my voice. Robin answered, "Hmm. Three weeks. Or somewhere around there. Things have been moving quickly so I haven't been able to keep track of time as well as I'd like."

…Three weeks…

"Cordelia was the one more often than not assigned to watch over you. She volunteered, most of those times," Robin explained seriously. "I suppose she felt some sort of obligation. She was the one who saved you. When she came in carrying you through the camp over her shoulder, well, that was certainly a sight."

Cordelia grimaced, looking down. "I flew you out of that battlefield. It is only natural that I monitor your health as well, such as it was. There were several times where we were not sure you would make it."

"Huh," I grunted, looking at the armored pegasus knight. "I guess I should thank you, then."

The only thing I could truly think of was how I was there and Donnel was not.

Cordelia avoided my gaze. "It was no issue. After I saw you leave the cleric's tent, I knew something was wrong. I'm just glad to see you are doing better."

"For someone's definition of better," I mumbled. I couldn't keep thinking about it. My injuries. How I got them. What I looked like. All of it. I needed something else. "So, three weeks, then? Anything happen during that time?"

At that, the mood of the room instantly changed. While it was by no means a good mood, at least Robin and Cordelia didn't look like rain clouds had gathered over their heads.

"Well," Robin began, "Chrom is officially engaged."

"Oh." I narrowed my eyes. Cordelia I could understand being distraught at it, but Robin? "Who's he getting married to, then? I mean, I heard about somebody going to his room at night before the battle."

"It's Sumia," Cordelia said simply. Almost hollowly. "Prince Chrom proposed to her just after the battle. It was- Well, they'll be happy together, all things considered. I'm happy for them."

Robin said nothing as Cordelia spoke to me. He was too busy staring at the wall behind me.

"Shit, are you okay?" I asked, looking Cordelia in the eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She replied instantly, as if it was rehearsed. She smiled. A fake smile if I ever saw one. "There's nothing to be forlorn about! I'm fine."

"Cordy, you're doing that thing where your smile doesn't reach your eyes," I said, sitting up. "I know you had feelings for Chrom. You told me, remember?"

Cordelia and I had plenty of little talks throughout the months leading to the final battle with Gangrel. It would range from talking about something as mundane as training exercises we both could use to something as heavy as dealing with her grief over the loss of her fellow pegasus knights. One topic that came up every once in a while, however, was Chrom. I knew about her unrequited love for him from the game, of course, but I acted surprised when she eventually revealed it to me.

Even then, I did the best thing I could do, and gave her some advice. It was probably not very good advice, since the most experience I'd ever had in regards to love was a high school crush in my Freshman year, which couldn't really compare to what Cordelia felt for Chrom.

Or perhaps they could.

She wasn't obsessed, but her feelings were there, nonetheless.

Cordelia looked as if she was barely keeping it together. Her smile broke, and I could see tears at the corners of her eyes. "I-I suppose I may be distraught. I truly am happy for them, but I can't," She held a hand to her chest, her breathing becoming labored. "I can't… I just feel so…"

I took a deep breath and swung my legs over the side of the bed so I could sit properly. It hurt a little, but I could take it. It was a distraction from the real pain, and it was worth it. "Hey, Cordy."

She looked at me, a tear going down her cheek.

"I'm not good with this kinda stuff," I rasped, coughing a little before continuing. "Hell, I don't think I've ever had the kinda feelings you have for Chrom, but, well, I've already said this a lot, but I don't mind being here for you. There's really not a lot I can say, but if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. It's what I do best, after long as I can make you feel better, I'm here."

Her expression completely broke, and the next thing I knew, cold metal pressed against my body as Cordelia's arms hugged me tightly. She was openly sobbing, and I could feel her shaking against me. Momentarily stunned and grimacing at the painful grip she had on me as her closeness and armor irritated the healing scars, I tried my best to hug her back. I almost cried as well when I felt nothing from my right hand.

When we eventually pulled away, after nearly five minutes of her crying on me, she looked at me ashamed. "I-I apologize for that," She murmured. "You're injured; it was inconsiderate of me to do that."

I really didn't care. It kept me from thinking of my own problems after all.

…Home is sounding really good right about now…

I shook my head, forcing a smile of my own. "Don't worry about it." I looked to my right to see Robin sitting there, as still as a statue. He wasn't looking at us. In fact, it was almost like he didn't recognize we were in the room at all.

Cordelia followed my gaze. "Robin? Are you alright?"

Robin jumped a little, looking at both of us wildly for a few seconds before coming back to his senses. "I-I- Yes, I am, Cordelia. I was just lost in thought for a moment," He paused, before standing up from his chair. "I should go, for now. If you need anything, Alex, do not hesitate to let me know."

He left without another word.

"I should leave as well." Cordelia got up from her own chair, smiling softly at me. "I shall see you later, Alex. As Robin said, if you need anything, let us know."

I nodded, feeling more than a little helpless. "I'll be sure to do that. See ya."

Once she left, I had nothing to distract me. Thoughts began to swirl in my mind like a whirlpool. Thoughts of my maimed body, of Donnel, and of home. For the first time in months, home seemed to be all that I wanted. It refused to leave my head. Where was home? Did I consider Ylisse home?

The poisonous thought that entered my head was no, it was not. Being there gave me a wounded body. If I stayed, it would happen again. I'd lose someone I'd come to care about. I'd lose my leg next. Even after only a couple hours without having it, I was noticing just how much I relied on my right hand.

Sometimes, it felt like it was still there. Consciously, I knew it wasn't, but somehow I could still feel it, could still move the fingers, could still try to grab things.

I learned the hard way that just because it felt like it was there didn't mean it was; I caught myself trying to get some water at my bedside, only to feel nothing.

And beyond that, no matter what, I could not calm down. My dreams haunted me.

Without anyone to talk to, I was left to stew with those thoughts for the rest of the night.

I was able again just a few days after I woke up, an absolutely stunning recovery according to Lissa and Maribelle. I didn't feel stunning, though. One would only need to look at my face to see I was far from stunning. Of course, there was my lack of a right hand to account for too. Most people did a good job hiding their surprise when they first saw it, which was appreciated.

I had made up my mind. I was going to find the Outrealm Gate. Before I did though, I needed information and money. Which was why I was putting my still rudimentary reading skills to the test in Castle Ylisse's library.

"…and the way he proposed! Gods, that was the happiest moment of my life!" Sumia gushed next to me. "It was a really bright spot in a dark place."

"Hmm," I hummed, turning a page in the book I was attempting to read.

"Oh, Gods, I'm sorry!" Sumia apologized suddenly, placing a hand over her mouth. "I've just been sitting here talking your ear off! You asked me to help you with reading, right?"

"I did," I said curtly, narrowing my eyes at the page. "This book isn't exactly newbie friendly, is it?"

"Let me see," I handed over the book, and watched as Sumia's eyes easily read the words on the front cover, something that took me a couple seconds to even comprehend. "Oh, no this really isn't. This is... Yes, this is an encyclopedia of legends! What do you need that for?"

"Curiosity," I answered, taking the book back. "Trying to find something specific," I paused, wondering whether I should just ask her. "Something about an 'Outrealm Gate'. Ever hear of it?"

"Outrealm Gate?" Sumia echoed in confusion. "I mean, I think I've read about that somewhere, but it was always as if I was supposed to know what they meant. It was a plot point in a book a read once, I remember now!" She looked at me strangely. "Is that what you're looking for? It's more of a myth than a legend."

It was difficult to do anything without my dominant hand, but I was managing well with the book, at least. "Is that so?" I sighed, shutting the book closed. "That's, well, that's disappointing."

I knew where the Outrealm Gate was supposed to be: an island off the southern coast of Ylisse. I'd seen maps, and there was one there. I just wanted to know if there was anything more I could glean from in-world. As Sumia said, there wasn't much. I tried not to let it get me down. I already had a crap ton of things doing that.

I felt it every time I looked at my marred and scarred body and remembered how Donnel died. All the people I killed. I had to wonder if sleep would ever be restful again.

A door opened nearby, and when I went to look at the person coming in I found myself turning back away out of reflex. He was one of the last people I wanted to talk to. Not because of anything he did, but because of what I failed to do.

"Ah, Alex! There you are," Chrom walked into the library. Sumia jumped up from her seat and hugged him as he drew near, causing him to laugh. "Hello to you too, Sumia."

Sumia giggled and sat back down. I tried my best to hide my rapidly worsening expression.

"Yeah, I'm here," I said, turning around fully while keeping my expression neutral. "Did you need something from me?"

If Chrom noticed my slightly cold demeanor, he didn't show it. "No, I don't need anything from you. I actually came here to give you something. Have a look."

I leaned forward as Chrom held out something to me. My eyes widened as I got a good look at it.

"Jesus," I mumbled.

A metal prosthetic hand. That's what it was. Wasn't the prettiest thing in the world, but from the looks of it, it was functional. Functional as in the grey metal fingers appeared to be articulated. I stared up at Chrom expectantly.

"I had this commissioned as soon as we came back to Ylisstol," Chrom explained, bending one of the fingers. I was surprised when it stayed in place. "I received advice from Miriel and gave her schematics to a smith I frequent. It was just finished today, in fact." He gave it to me, and I could feel its weight in my remaining hand. "Spring-loaded mechanisms keep the fingers in place, if you're wondering. That's what Miriel told me. That strap right there should keep it fastened to your arm."

It was a little menacing to look at. I could see the bolts that kept it together. An attempt to make it look somewhat human was made, what with the chiseled fingernails and the wrinkles along the knuckles. Slowly, I put it on. I expected it to feel cold and to not fit very well, but I was wrong: it fit on snugly, and I strapped it on.

It didn't feel as wrong as I'd've expected. A vague sense of completeness that I didn't know I'd lost flashed through my mind for a moment.

Chrom watched me, smiling. "I've been told it should do most of the things a normal hand can, albeit you can't control it like one. Although that would be a sight to see! You can hold a quill, shield, reins of a horse, anything as long as you bend the fingers the correct way."

"Heh, this reminds me of something I read once," Sumia said, looking at me as I bent the fingers experimentally, hearing the ticks coming from inside it. "A knight lost his hand in a battle, and he grew cold and despondent. But then, a lovely village maiden comes to soothe his woes."

"That reminds me of something," Chrom said, thinking for a moment. "You were saved by Cordelia, but I swear I've never seen Cordelia move that fast. Not even on her Pegasus."

"Oh, that's right!" Sumia chirped. "I've known her for years and never saw her run that fast! She hates running!"

I grunted, not focusing on the conversation the two lovebirds were having. The new metal hand I had was far more interesting.

A thought entered my mind: when I got home, how would I explain my scars to my friends and parents? The metal hand? All of it? Did time move there the same as it moved in Ylisse?

They were questions that I'd neglected to ask. All of which raised alarming implications. However, I wouldn't let them shake my resolve. I wanted to go home, and by God, I was going to try my damnedest. I'd do anything to get away from all of it. Evil dragons, medieval battles, sword fighting, disease, death, blood, all of it. If I could get away from all of that, I'd be at ease. I could finally rest. Maybe I'd finally be able to calm down.

For months, I couldn't calm down. I felt like I could die at any moment from something that I couldn't prepare for. I never felt safe, no matter where I was. Not even in that library.

"Er, Alex? Are you alright?" I snapped out of my thoughts to see Chrom, looking down at me worryingly.

"Uh, fine," I replied, rubbing the back of my head, consciously using my left hand so I didn't feel cold metal on my neck. "Was just lost in thought." I looked down for a second, before forcing myself to look Chrom in the eye. "I… Thank you, Chrom. I really wasn't expecting something like this."

"It's no issue, Alex." Chrom nodded. "You've fought by our side for many months. This is the least I could do to repay your service."

A thought occurred to me. Something that I'd neglected to mention to him a while. It was better then than never. I just hoped he didn't use my back pay to fund the hand.

"Hey, Chrom," I called. "There is something I want to ask, actually…"

I left the Shepherds barracks at night, a little less than two weeks after I recovered. The scars would always be there; no amount of healing magic would be able to get rid of them. They might fade with time, but I was forever a marked man. The iron hand would serve as another reminder. It was mostly comfortable to wear, but sometimes I'd hear a clicking sound, always reminding me of its presence. It was useful, but it was different. My left hand would have a lot more use than it used to.

None of that mattered; I was going home.

I ignored the multitude of questions that went through my mind as I packed up my meager belongings, putting them in my old schoolbag. My old psychology textbook, my binder, my wallet.

The phone.

I'd almost forgotten it, sitting on the desk. At first, I reached out for it with my right hand, only to harshly remind myself that my prosthetic couldn't move on its own. Using my left hand, I lifted it up to my face. I pressed the power button.

Of course, nothing happened. Its battery wouldn't inexplicably recharge in the time I was gone. It would charge when I got home, though, so I threw it into the bag.

Gingerly, I placed the letter I'd written where my phone used to be. Common was a bust, but I'd learned enough to convey what I wanted. At least, I hoped I did. It wasn't like I'd ever use it again. Maybe some part of me just wanted the others to understand, even though I didn't usually talk about my own issues.

I'll always be there for you, I said. Now I'm leaving.

Ignoring the guilt that flashed across my mind was harder than I thought.

I left as quietly as I could. Chrom slept in the palace, as did Sumia and a number of the other Shepherds. The barracks were still used, even after the end of the war, but it was a little more deserted on that night, for some reason. Gangrel's mark reached even the barracks, though. The Shepherds still weren't done cleaning up the debris.

You should be helping them, boy scout. Instead, you're running away.

I was running away from many things. Running away from my own thoughts, running away from my responsibilities, running away from my obligations, just running away. I tried my best to ignore it, but even in the darkness, someone would have been able to see the frown on my face.

I was able to sneak out undetected, despite the jingle of coins in my bag. I wasn't sure how much it was, compared to U.S dollars, but it didn't matter. As long as it got me to the island with the Outrealm Gate, it would be enough.

I walked the deserted streets of Ylisstol. The stonework of some of the buildings was damaged, and scorch marks were everywhere. Yet more leftovers from Gangrel's invasion. Rebuilding would take quite some time. There was also an influx of pregnant women showing up at churches and orphanages, if what I heard Libra say was anything to go by. I tried not to think about the implications of that.

So much for the people being safe, like the initial scouting reports said.

I shook my head. Best not to get caught up in thoughts like that. Once I got to the Outrealm Gate, it'd all be far away from me. Everything would be far away or gone. I imagined it would be a lot like waking up from a nightmare.

I could imagine it all I wanted. I still had that much.

I exited Ylisstol through the main gate. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but after painstakingly sneaking my way out of the barracks, I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to get away. The guards on duty looked to be very alert, their heads instantly turning to me just when I left the gates. I didn't really look conspicuous, so after a bit of explaining, I was able to convince them I was just a humble traveler, getting an extremely early start to my journey.

Maybe it was my nervousness disguised as excitement that convinced them. Nonetheless, I was able to get out without a hitch.

Well, it was looking that way, until I was accosted just a little ways out of the city by a familiar voice.

"Stop. Now," They demanded, making the hairs at the back of my head stand on end. I turned around, my eyes widening for a second.

Lucina.

I saw her without her mask for the first time. Other than the long blue hair and deep, hetero-chromatic eyes, not much had changed. Well, she was glaring at me so harshly it could melt steel. That was a big change.

"I could come up with a million reasons why you're here," I sighed. I avoided her gaze. "Lets… lets go over there." I pointed to a small clearing off the path.

Wordlessly, she followed. Once we were there, I realized she had her palm on Parallel Falchion's pommel.

"I shall give you a chance to explain yourself, Alexander," She growled, breathing heavily. "I want to know why you did nothing. You knew Emmeryn – my aunt – was hurtling towards her death, and yet, as far as I can tell, you did nothing. And now I catch you leaving Ylisstol with your tail between your legs. I had no idea you were capable of such cowardice."

My lips thinned as I crossed my arms. "So I guess future me didn't tell you about how she'd die in this timeline, and then you assumed that I must have known." I tried to keep my breathing under control. "You know what's funny? I did try to save her. I really fucking did."

Lucina palm slowly left Falchion's pommel as I continued. "Just before the battle at Medlun, I came up to Robin and told him what I knew. He was pissed, obviously, but despite that we wrote up a plan. Not much different from how it was supposed to go. Things were looking up; the pegasus knights were freed, Aversa was a no-show, absolutely zero indication shit was about to go fucking sideways. And then that fucking thing came. The goddamn Deadlord. Shot her off the cliff. All of our effort, all of that agony, wasted. You must've heard of this."

Lucina was quiet for a second before nodding. "I heard of how Emmeryn met her end. I didn't want to believe that it was a Deadlord, but if there was..."

"Oh, it's a fuckin' Deadlord alright. Robin told me." I massaged my temples using my left hand. "If I'd said something before that point, Emmeryn could've been saved. Did you know that? She could've been saved, but I was too goddamn cowardly, like you said."

"It had to be more than cowardice," Lucina shook her head. "You know the future just as… just as Sir Alex did. Why? Why didn't you do anything?"

I struggled to come up with words at Lucina's pleading. Either that or having to give my reasons was a lot harder than I thought. "I know the future. That future included Emmeryn's death. If she died as she was supposed to, I thought almost everyone, including me, was guaranteed to get out of this shitshow alive," I laughed humorlessly. "I was stupid, Lucina. Incredibly stupid. Whatever plot this world had was thrown out the window the minute that Deadlord came and took away Validar. I should've done something after that, but I was too scared. Too scared of shit changing, too scared of being useless, I don't fucking know. What matters is what I didn't do. And because of that, Emmeryn died. In fact, I think I made things worse."

"How? How did you make things worse?" Lucina questioned pointedly. "I do not understand."

"Emmeryn's death was supposed to cause a high rate of desertion in the Plegian ranks," I explained. "It was after she gave a heartfelt speech. Instead, she just died. The Plegian ranks were stronger than ever. And because of that, Donnel-"

I choked up.

"Sir Donnel's funeral is to be held in just a few days," Lucina said, looking down. "I do not know where you are intending to go, but you will certainly miss it if you don't go back."

I felt something snap.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure he'd like the person who inadvertently caused his death to visit his funeral. What a fantastic idea you have!" My voice raised. "Face it, I don't belong here. Do you understand? I'm trying to play hero in a world full of actual fucking heroes. I'm not a hero, and I never will be. The only thing that'll happen if I try is death and scars, like this." I held up my iron hand. "The only thing I can do now is leave and never come back. All I'll do is make things worse."

"You're not running away because of that!" Lucina accused. "You're running away because you're scared!"

"And maybe I am scared goddamnit! Does running away sound like something a hero, no, a decent fucking human being would do!?" I shouted, breathing heavily. "I'm a fucking nobody, a failure, Lucina! Look at me and tell me I'm not!" I pounded my iron arm against my chest, feeling a slight pain on my scars. "I'm not the person you knew in the future, and by the sounds of it, he's probably just as bad as me if he didn't tell you jack shit! Take a look around and try to find something that's been improved by my presence! All I can see is the bad shit; the motherfucking Deadlord, Donnel's death, Emmeryn's death, all of it!"

For the first time in the conversation, I looked Lucina in the eye.

"The only thing I can do now, is go home. Like you told me back in that God damned fort. I'm only doing what you asked me to, aren't I?"

"And so your solution is to just run away, is that it!?" Lucina spat, taking a step forward. "To just leave everything behind, like it never happened? Even in the future you carried scars, yet the Sir Alex I knew kept going forward! He stood by our side through it all, just to ensure we had a chance!" Lucina faltered slightly. "I realize now that he may not be who I once saw him as. Not informing me of when and where my aunt would die, it does not make his sacrifice any less meaningful to me. Running away will not solve your problems; those scars will follow you wherever you go. You can go back right now, and all of it would not have been for nothing."

"It's already for nothing," I retorted, turning around. "I'm done, Lucina. I don't care. Bye."

"Sir Alex, don't you dare-!"

The truth was, I still did care. I just shut it down like so many other things.

Lucina's hand landed on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off. "Leave me alone."

"Do not give me that!" Lucina shouted. "You do care! And there are others who care for you! Your 'solution' will only hurt them!" Lucina paused for a second before continuing. "I know of someone who would want nothing more than to meet you, one last time. If you leave now, you'll never get to know them."

She… She couldn't be implying…

I pushed that thought down and continued on my way. "Goodbye, Lucina."

I had to give it to her, she tried several times. I didn't remember when she gave up, but it didn't matter. Ylisstol was only around a week and a half away from Warreth, if I traveled right. Just a short boat ride after that and I'd be home.

Finally home.

Traveling through Southern Ylisse in the height of winter was a lot better than going through it in the zenith of Summer. It was a lot like how Tennesee was in the winter, if I had to make a comparison. Sometimes it would snow, but most of the time it was just chilly. Good thing I'd brought a good sleeping bag and knew how to build a fire, otherwise I would've been screwed.

Even under the cloudless winter night skies, I couldn't find respite. It always felt like something could go wrong at any moment. I'd brought a weapon with me, although I wasn't sure how my training would translate with my altered stance. My left hand wasn't my dominant hand, after all. Nonetheless, nothing of note happened. The wilderness at times was quiet. Almost too quiet, like if I dropped a pin onto the grass, I'd be able to hear it.

For all I knew, a remnant of the bandits that used to attack the Ylissean countryside were lurking around, looking for lone travelers to rob and/or murder. None of that happened, though. I had dreams of it happening. Dreams of the battlefield, of the smell of iron in the air, of the sparks of clashing metal and the screams of the dead.

They will never leave you, boy scout. No matter where you go or what you do, they will follow you. Just like the scars that cover your body.

In the end, it took me a little over a week to reach Warreth. I didn't know much about the city itself, other than it was Ylisse's major port city and main trade center. One of the few places that connected Ylisse to the neighboring continent of Valm. That made it very important in the grand scheme of things, and the sprawling urban terrain that I saw was proof of its worth and wealth. Finely crafted stone buildings lead down from a main hill, which held a towering fortress-like castle like a crown. To the south of it was an extensive dock that stretched into the gleaming blue waters of the sea. I couldn't even count the amount of boats at that dock; I stopped at around fifty. Large galleons and agile sloops alike floated along the water. From where I was they looked as big as those models in bottles.

It was an extraordinary sight, and I would've liked to have explored it or learned more about it, but I was there for only one thing. I was going home.

I entered the city through the main gates, just a single person among the caravans and wagons that entered and exited the great gate. When I got inside, I got a better look at everything. The structure of the place wasn't precise; in fact, it was more like controlled chaos. From afar it looked more ordered, but that was a mistake. The streets had names but they had no consistency. It was all random, but somehow it worked. I didn't see many, or any, people getting lost in that labyrinth. Except for me a few times. I did get to see a great many people on the way to the docks. A black-haired woman wearing patchwork armor who looked to be from Chon'sin. A brute of a man with tanned skin walked my way, and I assumed he was from Ferox. Just as there were people who stood out, there were people who I couldn't identify at all.

Warreth is a mixing pot, it seems.

I'd entered the city in the morning, trying my best to not let the cold bother me. However, it wasn't until late in the day that I finally got to the docks. It was an ordeal getting through the maze that was Warreth, but I managed. I'd've been damned if anything was going to stop me.

I asked around, asking about any ships that'd be heading to the islands towards the south. It took a while, considering most of the people on the docks either didn't stop when I called for them, or if they did, they weren't very helpful. Eventually I did find directions to a ship in the corner of the harbor. I approached it just as the sun was starting to set.

The Mulgrave.

I was unsure if the name plastered on the back had any significance, but I didn't really care. I saw a tall and bulky man in a grey longcoat and matching tricorne hat. His brown face was covered in scars, giving off an intimidating and unapproachable vibe. I didn't have the patience to wait around for long, though, so I powered through my apprehension and walked up to him.

"Hey," I greeted curtly, pointing to the Mulgrave. "That your ship?"

The man turned to me slowly, studying me carefully for a few moments before nodding. "Aye," He replied. "That it is. Listen, if yer here to sign up, son, 'm 'fraid to say that-"

"Sign up? No, no. Hang on, lemme," I interrupted him before I went rummaging in my bag. I had to store a lot of food in there, as well as water for the journey. Most of which was gone, so it was a really good thing I got to Warreth when I did. In other words, it was very spacious, and I was able to fit one more thing in it. A map of the continent, Archanea.

I pulled it out, flattening it on a nearby crate. The captain looked over my shoulder curiously. "Here." I pointed to an island to the south, the one that the game placed the Outrealm Gate on. "Talked with a few people and they said your ship foes to this island, right?"

"Whiteford Isle? Aye, we do. Trade with the small settlements on it. Is this goin' somewhere, son?"

"Yes, yes it is." I produced the bag of gold coins from my pocket, offering it to him. "I want you to take me there, as a passenger. Or is it stowaway? Nevermind. Will this be enough to get me there?"

The captain looked at my pouch, turned to his ship for a few seconds, before looking back at me. "I got no objections, son, even though there ain't much on that spit of land beyond where we be landin'. Not less yer all devout-like."

"I don't care," I brushed off, handing him the pouch. "I just wanna get there, and this is the only ship I've heard of that does."

"Suit yerself, son." The captain shrugged. "We shove away come the morn. Be there or we be goin' without ya."

I quickly learned I was not meant for boat rides, even comparatively small ones. It didn't take the Mulgrave long to sail to Whiteford Isle; a couple days to a week, at the most. A small amount of time compared to the weeks or months it could take to sail to Valm, is what I heard some of sailors say on the rare occasion I was above deck. It didn't make things much better, but it meant I didn't have to suffer long.

Whiteford Isle, though. I didn't know much about it, and as I'd said, I didn't speak a lot during the voyage there. What I did know came from what little I could get out of the sailors when I was above deck. It was one of two islands belonging to Ylisse. Hot and dry, and mostly covered in plains. It had a few settlements, along with a ruling lord and monastery. Beyond that, it was the frontier; the absolute farthest familiar civilization stretched to.

The perfect environment to place an inter-dimensional portal.

Once the Mulgrave made port, I left as soon as I was able to, without even saying anything. Our deal was over; I was where I needed to be, and the captain who I never learned the name of was a couple gold coins richer. I still kept a good portion of it with me, though. On the off chance the shit I'd gathered came with me, I might've been able to do something with it.

Not the best thought up plan I'd ever concocted, but did I ever have one of those?

The little port town I'd ended up in didn't have much. I asked around, but no one knew of anything called an 'Outrealm Gate'. They were wary of me, an outsider, but they were at least polite enough to give me straight answers.

"Ain't never heard of nothin' like that, mister. Best to ask elsewhere."

"Funny lookin' fella, huh? Nah, nothin' like that 'round here, boy."

"Best ya look elsewhere, outsider. Ain't nothin' like that 'round these parts."

I could feel the little flicker of hope in my chest begin to die out after what felt like hundreds of denials. Just when I thought I maybe should travel to the nearby monastery, I finally got what I wanted.

"Oh? Aye, seen some 'gate' before," A middle-aged man said, sitting down on a chair outside what I presumed to be his house. "Used to play around with it when I was just a little 'un. Made all these funny noises and sparks. Ain't been there in years, though."

"That's- holy shit," I breathed out, a small smile spreading across my face. "Do you… do you know where it is?"

"Hah! Never forget somethin' like that!" He pointed forwards. I followed where he was pointing to see something in the distance. A rock formation, by the looks of it, jutting out of a cliff face and facing the sea. It was far away, but I could get there by nightfall if I started immediately. "Surprised that lil' place hasn't done fallen into the great blue abyss. Somethin' like that ain't natural, ya know? If yer goin' up to look at it, I'd be careful. Like I said, haven't been there in donkey's years!"

"I-I will be! Thank you!"

I set off immediately.

Whiteford Isle was temperate during the winter months, apparently, making it arable almost all year round. I could see what the sailors were talking about when they said that. The air wasn't cool, but it wasn't uncomfortable as I made my way through the grasslands. The wind blew past me, pleasant all things considered but it did make walking through it a bit of a chore. The long grass whipped around my legs as I pushed onward, the stone precipice in sight.

I'd had a smile on my face the whole way there. Thoughts of home and other familiar feelings filled my mind. Hopefully, God-willing, just a few minutes later, I'd get to be there again. I'd be away from all the death, decay, and my horrible mistakes. I'd be free.

There was just one more small hill between me and what I assumed to be the Outrealm Gate. I nearly charged forward, ignoring the small burning in my legs as I felt the pinpricks of tears at the corner of my eyes.

I crested the hill.

My smile faltered.

…What?

There was only rubble. Like the ruins of a dead civilization, spread about were broken carved stones. Two stuck out of the ground like bones, clearly making up the beginning portions of what once was a gate of some sort. There was nothing anymore, though. Nothing except crushed stone and dirt.

It was as if the stones themselves were mocking me. The ground was blackened around where the gate once stood, like the fist of God himself had come down and smote it out of existence, with only the stones that it used to be comprised of and the blackened ground being the only proof that it had been there at all

For all I knew, the only way home in the entire world was gone long before I'd even arrived.

Slowly, my face curled into something unpleasant. My mind was blank but my body moved of its own accord. My legs could no longer support me, and I fell to my knees, just staring at what could've been the Outrealm gate. I felt tears start streaming down my face.

…All of that, everything you left behind, truly gone…

"This-" I couldn't tell if I was beginning to laugh or beginning to cry. "This… No, this is a joke. This is a fucking joke. There's no way… there's no way… There is no way in fucking hell!"

In one burst, my bottled emotions exploded. All of my frustrations, all of my anger rushed out of me like a tsunami. I slammed my fists into the ground, hearing the sound of metal and flesh striking the earth. I beat against the dirt several times, cursing my lungs out. My crying sounded like laughing as slowly curled into a ball on the ground.

"You… I… I should've fucking known! I should've… God, you fucking idiot!" I screamed at myself. "You… you fucking idiot…"

I'd never see any of my family again. I'd never see my house again. I'd never get to go to school again. I'd never get to celebrate another Fourth of July, never again. All by themselves they didn't seem so bad, but altogether the weight of them no longer existing finally crushed me.

"…fuck… this…" I rasped in a voice I barely recognized as my own.

For a long while, I stayed there: curled up on the ground, mumbling to myself, amidst the ruins of my only way home.

...And that's a wrap on Act 1.

Would you believe me if I said that this story, in its drafting stage, was supposed to be wish-fulfillment?

That didn't last long.

And there we have it. Alex never had the option to go home. Not really, anyway. He's at his lowest point right now. Who knows how he'll get himself out of it?

Next week you'll see a different kind of chapter. Shorter than usual, but I'd like to think it'll flesh out the world a bit more and give a different perspective on things.

Here's a link to our Discord: discord .gg/9XG3U7a

Anyway, see you guys next time!

Edited on 2/22/21. This Chapter was very sad. Jesus Christ.