For anyone who stumbles upon this story and hasn't read Kaedix's work, you really should. Kaedix writes incredible ObiYuki stories over on AO3, and has even written a lovely oneshot collection with two stunning IzanaYuki stories. So, if you haven't already done so, please go read Kaedix's stories.
For Kaedix, I probably already told you this in a review, but when I read a story by you for the first time, I'd forgotten that I hadn't read anything by you before that, because I was so enthralled, so in love with that oneshot, that I figured that I'd already read a lot of your work already. Much to my surprise, I hadn't yet, but that gave me the chance to discover the rest of your writing and fall in love with so many stories that I feel absolutely blessed to discover. So, thank you so much for writing for ObiYuki Week 2020 this year, as it gave me the chance to discover your writing and find another writer that I could eagerly devour story after story of. Before I wrote this, while I was debating over what to write for you, I, for a little bit, considered writing IzanaYuki, because your oneshots for them are absolutely incredible! I fell in love with Izana right alongside Shirayuki in the first one in your collection. You write him so well; he's in character and captivating with how you write him. The second one made me want to cheer, just to see Shirayuki be so bold. It was only after I was reading your ObiYuki oneshot where Obi comforts Shirayuki after she has a nightmare, that I ultimately decided to write you this. You described a nightmare perfectly! It was dream-like and surreal, jarring and just painful, and you did so beautifully! And then the comforting was beautiful, the insight hinted at how quickly Obi came over to her adjoined room, worried that she was in danger, how Shirayuki picked up on that hurry. Midway through reading it, I'd had an epiphany and finally figured out what to write you, because I'd never seen a hurt/comfort fic where Shirayuki comforts Obi, and through the inspiration that came in from your story, I decided to write Obi having a nightmare. It took me a while to figure out how to begin that. This is the first appreciation story that I've ever written for this fandom, and you are the first person to cross my mind, when I decided to write more of these for fandoms I've gotten into more recently. It's just a little way to say thank you for every story, you've written, and a way to say that your hard work in this fandom is appreciated. It's also my little attempt to bring a smile to your face and remind you that you are incredible. It's also a way to help others newer to the fandom like me discover people that inspire and help make this fandom as beautiful as it is. I just happened to finish writing this around December, so merry Christmas! Happy holidays! I hope that this month brings you lots of joy. Have a very wonderful day as well! May many blessings come your way.
At first when her eyes open in the darkness of their bedroom, she has no idea why she's woken up. Shirayuki can't remember a single nightmare, and her dream while weird is not a bad dream. It's a little fuzzy in her mind now, and yet, her second thought is that either Obi's woken up and left the bed, leaving her laying here, cold as winter, or that someone broke in.
Just as her heart's beginning to race in a bout of anxiety, she looks over beside her. Obi's asleep, but he's not snoring, nor is he cuddled up against her, and he is definitely not moving about in the bed, like he owns it. He's as stiff as a box, and she reaches out, without really thinking.
Hand stuttering across his chest, and he barely flinches. His eyes are still closed, and she can hear his breath, the way it leaves harshly, though not loud. Obi's only ever loud, if he wants to be. Shirayuki takes a deep breath, trying to think through the fog of a barely awake mind. It's much too early to start the day, but Obi's not sleeping right.
Maybe it's intuition that makes her react or perhaps all the time that she's been married to him. Her hand pauses, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, slightly off rhythm, and she tries to catch her own breath as she leans down. Obi's a light sleeper most of the time, up and awake without even so much as a preamble.
It's odd that her touch hasn't woken him up. She lets her hand rest there, and moves just a tad closer on the bed, unsure how to wake him, but knowing that whatever's the matter, she shouldn't leave him sleeping like this. Ignoring the pinprick of guilt that resides in her heart at the thought of waking him, when it isn't an emergency, she moves her hand again, gently placing it along his side.
Before she could debate the merits of poking his side to wake him up, she finally sees amber eyes open. They are dim, even with the moonlight peeking into their window, and she isn't quite sure what to say or even how to address this. In a second or two, he's relaxed, though Shirayuki isn't sure if it's forced relaxation or an easy one.
"Is something wrong?" Obi asks, and she wishes she really knew the answer, but she's still unsure what happened, except maybe that she'd woken up, because Obi wasn't sleeping well.
"You weren't sleeping well." She tries, still a little at a loss for words.
Obi pauses, and his silence propels her to ask what happened, and yet before the words could cross her lips and enter the air, he's speaking once more.
"It's nothing." He's quiet for another beat, "Just a nightmare."
"It wasn't nothing." Shirayuki scoots closer until her body is lined up almost perfectly with his, "What was it about?"
She's a little too used to being married to him to worry about the personal aspect of the question. He knows her better than anyone, and she's still halfway close to knowing him just as well.
Obi's eyes are calculating, and she can tell that he's debating over whether he should tell her or not. Finally, the quiet of the night is broken once more, "There were people I used to know from before we met."
In the silence of their bedroom, Shirayuki realizes that that's about all Obi wants to say and that that should be answer enough. She knows next to nothing about the people that filled up Obi's life before her, and all that she knows is that they were people that she likely wouldn't want to meet. Torou was probably of the better sort compared to the rest of them.
"Like Torou?" She asks anyway. It might help, if he talked about it, though with Obi sometimes she doubts that too. She just wants to see him happy, let him know that he doesn't need to worry.
"Not Torou." He answers; amber eyes closing. It's quiet for only a little bit more, "People you haven't met. They weren't exactly the best of company." Obi rolls onto his side and really faces her, and for a moment, all that she can see is the warm glow of moonlight across his face, the way it lights up his eyes, and somehow accents whatever emotion is swirling inside them.
"Oh." Shirayuki's still fighting for the right words, but they aren't coming to her.
"They were angry." He shifts back into his dream, the tiny smile that had formed at some point, shrinking back into a frown. "Very angry."
"At you?" Shirayuki places her hand on his arm, a little reminder that she's here for him.
"Yeah." Obi took a deep breath, "At me for leaving. For being happy."
At first, Shirayuki isn't entirely sure that she heard those last three words right, but once it hits her that they weren't imaginary, it really hits her. Her heart aches as if it were punched, and yet fills with an odd warmth. It's a realization that Obi's happy, because he's around her, yet also an acknowledgement that Obi's far more familiar with being unhappy than being happy.
"You are allowed to be happy." Her hand shifts to rest across his heart, to feel it beat beneath her fingers. "Your past isn't a death sentence."
"I know." It's soft, and it sounds more like a reassurance to her than Shirayuki would like it to, like something that he's used to telling her.
"Do you have nightmares often?" She asks instead; she can't recall him going stiff at all while they sleep, since they got married.
"It used to be more common." He admits, "This is the first one in a while."
"I'm right here." She answers, and it feels almost abstract to respond this way, but she wants to let him know that he doesn't have to go through nightmares alone, no matter what they're like. She wants to help him through each and every one, to remind him that he's not a tool or a monster or a robot, but rather that he's human, that he's allowed to be happy, to feel loved, to be loved.
The words don't fit right on her tongue, and Shirayuki isn't quite sure how to tell him them, if there is a right way to address this. She feels terribly underprepared, as if this were an important test in herbology that she forgot to study for. Yet, really it's a part of life that she hadn't anticipated, but now wishes to be ready for.
"Obi?"
"Yes?" His amber eyes are on her, as if Shirayuki might have more to say, as if she might have words that are very much worth hearing. Yet, all she has are really familiar words.
"I love you." It's soft as it leaves her lips, and yet it feels stronger than ever, like the words lift her heart out of her chest and hand it squarely to Obi, telling him that she means it more than she ever knew she did. It feels the way that she's meant it for a very long time.
"I love you, too, Shirayuki." His response is soft, and Shirayuki wonders for a split second if she's imagining the extra shine in his eyes, wondering if perhaps her heart was more obvious, more noticeable than ever, just the way it feels.
She's still not sure just how to comfort Obi. He hardly ever lets himself be vulnerable, and that realization makes it hard to have the answers or the method or some way of reaching out and helping to lessen the pain in any way.
Shirayuki moves her hand off of his heart, to place it warmly against his side, turning just enough to press herself snugly in his arms, hoping maybe her presence, her proximity, will take some of the ache away. She can't imagine just what those people had done to Obi back when he was around them or even what they were doing with their anger addressed to him in his nightmare.
She wishes somehow that she were big enough to envelope her husband completely, to shelter him from the pain, but even that idea feels faulty. Shirayuki scoots close enough that it feels as if all distance between them has shrunk, that it seems as if he could feel her love completely.
"Thank you." Obi whispers in her ear, and the words shouldn't surprise her. Yet, it feels like she hasn't done nearly enough, and despite all of that, his quiet gratitude is genuine next to her. And, she feels him relax so completely, that Shirayuki isn't sure that he hasn't already fallen back asleep.
She just prays that this time he has a good dream, something that will light up his eyes when he's awake and leave a smile on his lips. He does deserve to be happy.