December 1st – Abashed
Kurt doesn't think Dalton will ever stop being impressive, bordering on overwhelming. The school grounds are huge – both buildings and outdoor grounds are so vast that he probably hasn't explored even half of it, even if he's been a student here for nine days, and has even spent most of his nights here. Boarding is expensive, but so is gas, so in the end his family and Kurt had opted for a dorm. He goes home to Lima as soon as classes end on Friday and drives back to Westerville Monday morning. That way he gets to see family and friends, without spending at least 20 hours on the road each week. It's not the same; he misses out on a lot, even if they have Facebook, Snapchat, texting and all kinds of means to communicate. Being there is always better than having it retold. But at Dalton he's safe, and that's what's most important now.
Dalton is by no means an awful place to be, and after the abashed audition-debacle, he's learned to understand the Warblers better, both as a group and as individual boys. His friendship with Blaine grows stronger day by day, and so does his intense crush. He's actually pretty sure he's in love with Blaine. And he's equally sure that Blaine is kind of confusing and kind of sweet, kind of flirty and kind of stand off'ish. He's been an enthusiastic and trustworthy friend ever since they met, but at the same time it feels as if Blaine isn't always entirely there with Kurt. It's the times he'll get lost in thought while they watch a movie, and when Kurt asks about it he'll merely beam at him and distract Kurt with a comment or question. Kurt recognizes deflection, but he isn't sure if he should worry about Blaine and what might be wrong, or if he should take it personally that the boy doesn't confide in him. Kurt isn't perfect, but he considers himself a loyal friend, and he thought Blaine and he could talk about everything. But there's something going on, it's clearer to Kurt now that he has gotten some distance to Lima, Karofsky, drama and the Glee-club inbreeding. With more tranquillity around him and the ability to actually hear himself think, it's pretty obvious to Kurt that something is bothering Blaine. And he wants to be the kind of friend who can help another friend. Blaine has done so much for him; listened to him, supported him, given him advice, helped him settle in to his new dorm at Dalton, introduced him to all his friends, and showed him the ropes of the school. So what can Kurt do for Blaine, when he gets that faraway expression and loses himself in his own mind? And where on earth is the boy right now?
As he's already concluded – the Dalton school grounds are ridiculously huge. It's too easy for someone to hide, if they don't want to be found. And right now, Blaine is nowhere to be seen.
Kurt huffs, his breath visible in the cold air around him. It's getting too dark to explore the grounds further, and he needs to turn back to his room. He also needs to grab a strong flashlight or headlight the next time he's home, because he quite enjoys the quiet forest walks, but he's also a little scared of the dark. So he hasn't walked too far in, just strolling along the edge of the forest lining the edge of the school grounds. The frozen gravelled pathways criss-crossing between buildings are lighted by rustic black lamp posts, which kind of remind Kurt of Mary Poppins. Each entrance to the different buildings is also light and welcoming. It's surprisingly easy to navigate, after he cracked the architectural logic. But there's something about the woods that are alluring to him, almost calling to him. The flashlight on his phone isn't strong enough, but he knows his dad has several strong headlights in their garage for when he does outdoor maintenance on the house or cars. He can borrow one of those next time he goes home, in only a few days.
Kurt gives a last longing glance at the darkening forest before he leaves in favour of the warm and bright dormitory. When his friends in New Directions learned about his transfer, their reactions had ranged from betrayal to surprised relief. He kind of understands, acknowledging that he sprung it on them on short notice. But considering the build-up, he was almost disappointed that they didn't care more about his safety. Or maybe they just hadn't seen how much Karofsky had affected Kurt? He thought it was painfully obvious, clear as day and happening under their nose in the hallway. But if no teachers saw it, how can he expect his friends to notice? It's a bitter aftertaste in Kurt's mouth. He misses his friends, but he already knew that feeling from being at McKinley, where most of them were too caught up in their own stuff to have much attention left for Kurt's struggles. Maybe it's immature, but Kurt just wants to be safe, be loved, be happy, be challenged, be noticed, and be someone who matters to someone. He's a proud young man, taking charge of his own life and happiness as much as he can. But Ohio isn't the best vantage point for individual flair and self-realization. Also, striving to be independent doesn't equal wanting to be lonely. And he has been, for so long.
But maybe things are looking up now. It's December 1st, which means Kurt has a surprise waiting for him to be revealed in his tiny room. The kids in Glee had given him an advent calendar when he went home, with 25 presents, one for each day until Christmas. It makes Kurt feel like a kid again - a happy, bright-eyed, and cheerful kid with butterflies in his stomach in anticipation of the joys of Christmas. The calendar consists of 25 decorated paper bags pinned to a long, thick gold ribbon. The ribbon is the same fabric as the girls' dresses for Regionals last year. Kurt would recognize that fabric anywhere; after all he did contribute to create their costumes. He's tied the ends of the ribbons to his curtain rod, and tonight he gets to open the first calendar gift. His curiousness had been suffocating this morning, but in the end his hair took too long to fix, and he had to postpone the gift opening if he wanted to be in time for class. He may be a bit of a masochist, but the anticipation is thrilling, and he considers postponing the gift reveal until after he's completed his homework. As a reward. As an evening-splurge which he can calmly enjoy while his skin absorbs the weekly deep-cleansing face mask.
At least that was his plan, but the sight of Blaine leaning casually against his locked door alters his priorities.
«Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you» Kurt playfully chides and pulls out the brass key for his door from his pocket. He's a little in love with the huge, old-fashioned key. They have key cards for the main doors, but the dormitories haven't been upgraded to that kind of technology yet.
«You obviously haven't been everywhere, or you would have found me» Blaine teases. «I need to see that calendar of yours that you kept gushing about over lunch.»
Kurt rolls his eyes because he doesn't think he was obnoxious about his calendar. But it's a really sweet gesture from his friends, and he is enthusiastic about it.
«Tadaa!» he says with flourish and widespread arms. Blaine beams at him, and quickly crosses the small room to study the calendar. Kurt had also wrapped a string of fairy lights along the golden ribbon, and it twinkles delicately on the 25 white paper bags.
«This is awesome! And they've made it themselves?» Blaine asks enthusiastically.
Kurt nods, and stands on the edge of his bed to pluck down the paper bag for today, December 1st. «They've left hints for me to solve to figure out who each gift is from. Drawings, poems, hints, and so on. I've tried not to study every bag, but I've had some good laughs from my sneak peaks,» Kurt admits sheepishly.
«I bet! Your friends are amazing. I'm gonna leave you to it, then, I just wanted to see it with my own two eyes.»
«You don't have to go,» Kurt blurts out. «I hardly believe they are deeply personal, secret gifts. Then again, knowing some of them, the gifts may be entirely abashed…»
«Well, if you don't mind? I wanted to check up with you and make sure you are caught up before the history test tomorrow.»
Kurt gives him his best bitch, please-face.
«It's about the French revolution,» he deadpans, as if that should explain everything. Which it should. Vive la France!
«In that case, maybe you could help me after you've opened your calendar?» Blaine smiles pleadingly. «History books are much more boring than movies,» he sighs, and plops down on Kurt's immaculately made bed.
«You can't quote Hugh Jackman on this test,» Kurt warns him and sits down properly with decent space between them.
«One day more! Another day, another destiny!» he belts out, lying on his back across most of Kurt's bed, and Kurt can't help but giggle.
«Okay, you do you, and I'm gonna focus on my calendar gift. Judging by the outside, I'm gonna hazard a safe guess it's from Britanny.»
«What makes you say that?» Blaine wonders, and sits up properly. Kurt shows him the white bag, decorated with a big purple number 1 in glitter, and a trace of paw prints across both sides of the bag.
«Ah,» Blaine just exhales, as if it explains everything. And it does to Kurt, who knows his friends.
He opens the bag, and inside there's a small stuffed cat, blue as the sky, and with a note stuck to his collar. He can be blue with you when you are yellow on your own, the note says in Britanny's easily recognizable handwriting.
«That's…» Kurt whispers impressed.
«That's profound,» Blaine murmurs.
«So sweet,» Kurt coos, and hugs the cat, not bigger than one of his palms.
«What a person chooses to gift you says a lot about that person,» Blaine says softly.
«I'll call her Grizzabella. Unless Lord Tubbington has already named her something else. I know that would be important to Brittany. Do you mind if I quickly call her to thank her and ask about the name?»
«And how a person responds to a gift says a lot about them,» Blaine continues almost absentmindedly, but gestures for Kurt to make his phone call.
Kurt kisses the tiny pink nose on the plush kitten, and hugs her between his cheek and shoulder, while he dials up Brittany. He glances over at Blaine while he waits, and catches the boy looking at him so sweetly it makes Kurt's heart miss a beat.