Chapter 163
Sara lay on their bed a few hours later feeling a bit better but still not great. "Hey beautiful, made you some tea and toast" said Kate and kissed Sara's forehead. "You're sweet" said Sara and sat up. "Nausea a bit better?" asked Kate. "Yeah, pretty much gone, I just feel a bit shaky" said Sara. "Poor baby... what can I do to make it better?" asked Kate. "You've already made it better. It's all going to be worth it when we hold our little angel for the first time" said Sara smiling. "Can't wait" Kate smiled and kissed Sara's hand. Sara looked at the tea in her hand and closed her eyes. "Just a sec" she said and got up to go to the bathroom again. "You okay?" asked Kate concerned. "I'm fine babe, just really have to wee" said Sara.
Sara sat down on the toilet and stared out in front of her for a minute. She looked down and felt fear rise in her throat. "Kate!" she yelled. "Oh my God… Kaaate!" she yelled again. "Sara?" said Kate running into the bathroom. Sara looked Kate and then looked down. "I'm… bleeding" said Sara sounding confused and scared. "Okay baby, just relax, let me see" said Kate calmly. "It's just a bit of spotting Sar. I'm sure it's nothing. It happens sometimes during the first trimester" said Kate. "Oh" whispered Sara. "Are you in pain?" asked Kate. "Sara?" she repeated when Sara didn't answer. "No, not really" said Sara. "Come on, let's get you checked out" said Kate and helped Sara up.
"I need a wheelchair" yelled Kate when they stopped in front of the hospital. "Kate I'm okay, I can walk" said Sara. "No, sit down" said Kate and helped Sara into the wheelchair. Kate hastily pushed Sara up to Dr Montgomery's office. Neither of them said anything until they reached the elevator. Kate put her hand on Sara's shoulder and squeezed it. "Everything's going to be okay Sara" she said softly. Sara got up from the wheelchair when they reached Addison's office and Kate spoke to the receptionist. "Sara, come right through" said Addison walking out, leading Sara and Kate past the other patient in the waiting room. Sara stopped right after she stepped into the exam room. She felt her head start to spin and the world go blank. She slowly tipped over into Kate's waiting arms. "Woahhh, Sara! Sara!" said Kate panicked while lying Sara down on the floor.
"I need some help in here" Addison shouted out the door. "Babe, Sara wake up honey" said Kate lightly slapping Sara's cheek. "Come on Sara wake up for me" said Addison now also on her knees next to Sara. "Pulse is slightly tachy but strong" said Addison with her fingers on Sara's neck. Kate's voice and knuckles rubbing over her sternum pulled Sara back. "There you are!" said Kate looking concerned. "I'm okay" said Sara and sat up. Two nurses came in and helped get Sara onto the examination bed. Sara felt a needle prick her arm as a nurse took some blood to test. "Okay Sara… talk to me, what's going on?" asked Addison. "She felt bad this morning then we…" said Kate before getting cut off by Addison. "Kate… I want to hear from Sara please" said Addison. "I just felt nauseous this morning… probably just normal morning sickness right? And then, I… I had one or two cramps… and I noticed… some blood" said Sara. "How much blood Sara?" asked Addison. "Not a lot it's just some spotting" said Kate. "Okay, that's not uncommon in the first trimester. I'm going to examine you now, see what's going on" said Addison kindly.
Sara looked at Kate with a petrified expression on her face. Kate took her hand tight in hers. Sara leaned back and closed her eyes. "Everything's going to be just fine sweetie" said Kate and kissed Sara's knuckles as Addison took Sara's blood pressure. "Temp's normal" said the nurse. "Your BP is very low Sara" said Addison. "How low?" asked Kate. "85 over 50" said Addison. Kate threw her head back and looked upset. Addison took out her stethoscope and listened to Sara's heart and lungs. "Doctor Montgomery" a nurse said at the door holding a piece of paper. "I'll be with you in just a minute" said Addison and left the room. "Kate… tell me this is nothing… I'm scared" said Sara becoming teary. "You're going to be fine honey" said Kate, she was pale as a ghost. Addison walked back into the room and put a piece of paper on a counter top. Her expression hard to read. "Let's do that ultrasound now" said Addison.
Sara closed her eyes and squeezed Kate's hand. "It's okay" Kate kept saying, over and over again. Addison pulled Sara's pants down slightly and palpated Sara's abdomen. "Sara, tell me when you're uncomfortable" said Addison. "Just a general dull ache" said Sara. "Okay, let's have a look" said Addison squeezing some gel onto Sara's belly. Sara was breathing fast. Kate softly put her palm on Sara's cheek and looked into her partner's eyes. Addison proceeded to roll the probe around on Sara's belly without a word. Kate turned her head and stared at the ultrasound screen, swallowing hard. Addison used a few angles before slowing down and stopping.
"I'm sorry guys… I can't find a heartbeat" said Addison. Kate looked as if all the blood had been drained from her body still staring at the screen. "What… what do you mean you… you can't find a heartbeat?" said Sara sitting forward. "Check again" said Kate emotionless, softly pushing Sara back onto the pillows. "Katy" said Addison. "I said check again" said Kate, her bottom lip starting to quiver. "Oh God no…. no, no, no… this isn't happening" cried Sara with her arm over her eyes. Addison rolled the probe around some more and looked at Kate sympathetically. "I'm so sorry" she said softly. "Can we do an internal sonogram please" said Kate. "Alright" sighed Addison. "Everything's okay Sara… she's in there somewhere. We're going to sort this out, just hang in there" said Kate. A nurse removed Sara's pants and helped put her legs in the stirrups.
"This is going to be a bit uncomfortable, bear with me" said Addison as she pushed the probe up into Sara. Sara pulled a face indicating extreme discomfort, eyes shut tight. Kate was now pacing around staring at the screen looking terrified. "Come on… come on, come on... where are you little one" she whispered. "Kate" whimpered Sara. Kate grabbed her hand again and squeezed it. "Right here baby" she whispered. "Sara just try and calm down for me… deep breaths" said Addison. "How the fuck do you want me to calm down" said Sara snapping her eyes open, clearly upset. "Sara, it's okay, just breathe" said Kate softly. Addison switched the screen on and moved the probe around. "The bleeding is getting a lot worse" she said. "Noooo" wailed Sara. Kate stared at the screen. "Keep going" she said desperately. "I'm really sorry guys… there's no heartbeat. The blood tests have confirmed that this is a miscarriage. I'm so sorry" said Addison. "No… but…. Please, just…. Keep searching" said Kate, emotion breaking in her voice. "Katy… No… she's gone" said Sara through her tears, shaking her head. "I'm going to give you guys a few minutes… we can discuss your options when I get back" said Addison with a sympathetic look on her face.
Kate tried so hard to be strong for Sara. She took Sara into her arms and just held her as she sobbed. "I'm sorry babe…. Shhhh…. You're going to be okay". Kate whispered over and over into Sara's ear. "Our baaaaby" wailed Sara with her eyes closed. "I know…. I know it hurts" whispered Kate as tears rolled down her cheeks. Kate took a deep breath but couldn't hold it in any longer, a loud sob escaped her throat and she shook with grief in Sara's arms.
"I wonder how Sara's feeling. She looked pretty sick this morning. Did you ever throw up this much?" said Tegan holding Ryan. "Yeah, I puked my lungs out pretty much every day" said Lindsey. "Glad I didn't have to see, and clean that" joked Tegan. She picked up her phone and dialled Sara. "Voicemail" said Tegan before trying Kate's number. "Also on voicemail" said Tegan frowning. "They're probably just taking an afternoon nap Boo, she's bound to be really tired in the first trimester" said Lindsey. "Hmmm" mumbled Tegan. She couldn't help worrying. Her natural instinct telling her something was up with Sara.
A few minutes later Addison walked back in and found Kate and Sara inconsolable in each other's arms. "Sara… I'm sorry…. Are you okay for us to talk now?" asked Addison. Sara nodded wordlessly. "We have two options going forward. We can send you home and let the miscarriage continue naturally on it's own… or we can do a D&C in the OR. It's more invasive but it will be over so much sooner. It's less traumatic at the end of the day and you'll have a better chance of falling pregnant again much sooner" said Addison. "I don't think that's going to happen" said Sara, her face emotionless. "Do you need a minute to think about it?" asked Addison.
Sara's face contracted in pain as a cramp hit her. "If…. If I go home… how long will this take?" asked Sara out of breath after the intense cramp subsided. "It can be hours, days or even weeks Sara. Usually it's a few days of heavy bleeding followed by some lighter bleeding" said Addison. Sara stared out in front of her. Kate had her hand in a fist in front of her mouth trying to keep her sobs inside. "I… I don't want to flush my baby down the toilet" said Sara and started sobbing again. "Sara… it's… it's not" said Kate but words failed her. "No! I don't want days of this…. I just want it over…. I want it over… And I want to say goodbye with dignity, not on a toilet seat" said Sara. "Sara, that's completely understandable. I would prefer going the D&C route too so I have more control of the situation" said Addison. "We're going to admit you immediately. It's not a very big procedure. You'll only in the OR for about 30 minutes and hopefully you'll be able to go home tomorrow already" said Addison. Addison continued to explain the procedure to a sobbing Sara.
"Linds… I'm going to take a walk up to Sara's. I'm worried about her" said Tegan. "If it will make you feel better, sure" said Lindsey. "I won't be long I promise" said Tegan. "Go Tee…. It's okay" smiled Lindsey. Tegan reached Kate and Sara's house and pressed the button next to the gate. "They're not here Ms Quin" said the guard. "Oh… you have any idea where they went?" asked Tegan. "No idea, sorry. But they seemed to be in a big rush" said the guard.
Two nurses entered and carefully helped Sara onto another bed. "They're going to get you ready for theatre. I'll be with you soon okay" said Addison. "Doc, the bleeding is getting quite heavy now" said a nurse. Sara just buried her face in a pillow and put her hands over her ears. "Start a line and a litre of saline and 10 litres of oxygen by cannula" said Addison. Sara curled up on her side and hid her face as she was pushed down the hall to a hospital room. Kate held her hand tight. "I'm here baby… I'm right here" she said. Karev stopped and turned to Kate as they walked past him. "Kate? You okay?" he asked confused as he saw Kate's bloodshot, swollen eyes. Kate just held her palm out to Karev and looked away pursing her lips as she continued walking next to Sara's bed. She was trying her best to hold it together for Sara's sake but it was getting more difficult by the second.
Kate wordlessly helped Sara get undressed and put on a hospital gown before the nurses started an IV and nasal oxygen cannula once they were in pre-op. Kate sat down on the side of the bed and took both of Sara's hands in hers. She put her forehead against Sara's and closed her eyes. "We're going to get through this my love" she whispered. This caused Sara to start sobbing again. Kate threw her arms around Sara. "I've got you, I've got you" she whispered.
Addison walked back into the room wearing scrubs. "We're ready for you Sara" she said. Sara nodded and squeezed Kate's hand. "Go get a coffee and some fresh air Kate, we'll take good care of Sara" said Addison. "I'm scrubbing in" said Kate. "I don't think so" said Addison. "I want to scrub in… I'm not leaving her" said Kate becoming emotional. "Kate…" said Sara pulling Kate's arm. Kate turned around to Sara. "No… please… don't" said Sara. "Are you sure?" asked Kate softly. "Yeah, I'll be out before you know it okay" said Sara trying to calm Kate down. "But…" said Kate. "No… no buts… I don't want you in there seeing this" said Sara crying. Kate nodded and squeezed Sara's hand. "I love you so much" said Kate. "I love you too" said Sara looking down. "I'll see you soon okay, I'm right outside, right outside. And I'm going to be right here when you wake up" said Kate. "Okay" is all Sara could get out. "Do you want me to phone anybody for you?" asked Kate. "No" said Sara fast. "Actually… can you please… phone Tegan" said Sara. "Of course sweetie" said Kate. "Sorry but we need to go guys" said Addison. "Love you Sar" said Kate again. Nurses started pushing Sara out of the room. "Kate… Kate" she said loudly. "Yes! I'm here, I'm here" said Kate running to Sara. "Don't let them throw her away… just… don't let her dump her" said Sara now hysterical. "We won't Sara…. Sara just try and calm down for me now" said Addison and put an oxygen mask on Sara. "Alright…. Shhhh now…. Just try and relax" said Kate walking next to Sara's bed to right in front of the OR doors. "We've got her Kate" said Addison. "Take good care of her" said Kate before kissing Sara's forehead.
Sara watched the ceiling lights flash by, blurred by tears. Her mind was racing with so many questions. She was rushed onto the operating table and nurses started prepping her for anaesthesia. Every few minutes she doubled over in pain. "Okay Sara try and relax for me" said Addison hovering over Sara. Tears rolled down Sara's cheeks again. "It's okay Sara… shhhh… you're going to be okay" said Addison and put a mask on Sara's face. "Count back from one hundred for me" she said. Sara tried to pull herself together to count but felt the room start to spin before she could even start. "She's out" reported a nurse.
"They're not there… maybe they went to the cabin again" said Tegan when she walked back into her living room. "Wish they'd let us know when they do that though" said Lindsey. "Yeah…" said Tegan lost in thought as she sat down. "Baby, I'm sure they're fine" said Lindsey. "Linds… I don't understand why… but I have this massive knot in my stomach… something's not right" said Tegan. "Tee…" said Lindsey not sounding convinced. "It's never wrong Linds" said Tegan rubbing her neck nervously. Lindsey got up to go check on the babies. Tegan's phone started ringing and she jumped up to answer it. "Kate!" she said fast. "Tegan…" said Kate, her voice changing pitch towards the end of the word. "Kate what's wrong" said Tegan immediately. "Tee… it's Sara... she…" said Kate through tears. "Kate what's wrong with Sara? Katy talk to me!" said Tegan. "Sara's…. lost the baby Tegan" said Kate softly. Tegan stayed quiet for a few seconds trying to comprehend what Kate just said. "I'm…. I'm so sorry Kate… I'm sorry… Is she okay?" asked Tegan. "They just took her into surgery. It's not a very big procedure, physically she should be fine… Emotionally…. she's completely shattered" said Kate sobbing. "I'll be right there" said Tegan.
"Lindsey…. I have to go" said Tegan looking pale as she walked into the bedroom. "Everything okay Tegan?" asked Lindsey looking concerned. "No… Sara's had a miscarriage" said Tegan, emotion breaking in her voice. "Oh my God no" said Lindsey. She got up and took Tegan in her arms. Tegan started shaking in Lindsey's arms as she looked at her own babies sleeping peacefully in their crib. "Go Tegan" said Lindsey softly. "Will you cope with these two?" asked Tegan through her tears. "I'll be just fine. Go, Sara needs you" said Lindsey. "Okay… call me if you need me" said Tegan. "I will… everything's fine here Tegan… go" said Lindsey.
Tegan was out of breath from running and took a two puffs from her inhaler outside the waiting room. She paced up and down for a few seconds trying to calm herself down before entering. Tegan found Kate sitting in the waiting room with her legs pulled up to her chest and her head in her hands. "Katy" said Tegan softly sitting down next to a drained looking Kate. "Tegan" whimpered Kate as Tegan held her tight. "I'm so sorry" said Tegan and continued to just hold her friend in silence. Kate was in tears again. "Tegan… why… why?" said Kate after a minute shaking her head. "I don't know what to say Kate… I'm so sorry" said Tegan now also in tears. "You don't need to say anything" said Kate with a sniff and squeezed Tegan's hand before getting up. "Is Sara okay?" asked Tegan. "She's still in surgery… shouldn't be too much longer" said Kate pacing around. "Can I get you anything?" asked Tegan. "No thank you… one of the nurses brought me some coffee" said Kate. She picked up the cup and looked at the contents. "Excuse me" she said putting the cup down and rushed out the door. Tegan followed her to the toilets. Kate violently vomited into one of the toilets with Tegan holding her hair back. "I'm okay" she said and got up to rinse her mouth and wash her hands. She bent over and put her head on her forearm on the basin. "I'm sorry about that" said Kate. "Okay, there we go, let's just wipe your mouth" said Tegan in mother mode wiping Kate's mouth with a tissue. "Thank you for being here Tegan" said Kate. "Wouldn't want to be anywhere else" said Tegan. Kate splashed some cold water into her eyes in a desperate attempt to reduce the puffiness, it didn't work.
Kate and Tegan both jumped up when Dr Montgomery entered the waiting room. "Hi Tegan. Kate… everything went well. Sara's okay. The anaesthesia wasn't heavy, she should be waking up in the next fifteen minutes or so. You can go sit with her in post op if you want to" said Addison. "Thank you" said Kate and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry Kate" said Addison. Kate just turned her head and nodded. It took her a while to get to the point of not hysterically sobbing and she was desperate to keep it that way, for Sara's sake. "Do you want me to go with you?" asked Tegan. "Just give us a few minutes alone Tegan. Hope that's okay with you? I'll come get you when she's ready" said Kate. "Of course, take your time" said Tegan. "Everything okay back home?" asked Kate, always so concerned about others. "Yeah, Lindsey is fine with them on her own. She's got a friend coming over" said Tegan.
Kate sat down next to Sara's bed and looked up at the heart monitor. It's slow and steady beeping was comforting. Sara looked peaceful somehow and Kate took her hand in hers. Kate put her forehead onto the side of the bed and breathed in and out deeply trying to keep her emotions in check. A few minutes later she felt Sara's fingers squeeze hers. "Hey, welcome back" said Kate. Sara just gave her a sad smile. "Everything went well Sara, you're going to be okay" said Kate. Sara nodded and turned her head the other way. "I love you" whispered Sara still looking out of the window. "I love you too Sara… so much" said Kate. "How are you feeling?" asked Kate. "Like shit" said Sara before giving a weak cough. "I'm so sorry" whispered Kate. Silence followed, not the uncomfortable kind. The kind that happens when there just aren't any words. Kate had Sara's hand in hers and drew little patterns with her finger on around the IV site. A few minutes later Kate spoke. "Tegan's outside… she's so worried about you" she said. "Uh huh" is all Sara could mutter. "They'll probably let you see her when they move you out of post op into a ward" said Kate. Sara nodded and closed her eyes. She was all cried out. "I'm so sorry Kate... I know how much you wanted this baby... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you... What did I do wrong?... I don't understand" said Sara, emotion breaking in her voice again. "Sara, hey, hey look at me" said Kate. Sara turned her head to Kate. "You did nothing wrong okay... these things happen... you're amazing" said Kate squeezing Sara's hand. "I feel so empty inside, as if my heart has been ripped out" said Sara softly.
A/N: I'm really sorry about this chapter… I know you all hate me right now. The thing is… life's not always a bed of roses, these things happen. :( Review please.