Wow, fast forward six years and all can write is lemons, what the hell happened to me? I hope I got enough plot in...
By Friday, London seemed to be too hot to hold them and Kakuzu was very very glad they were going away. Their identities had leaked to the press a few days before, Asuma was in hospital with severe complications; it seemed inevitable that there would be further investigations. Hidan's life class at St Martins was suddenly cancelled - or at least, they'd dropped him as the model. It was probably for the best, Kakuzu thought - he'd be extremely unpopular there now and press photographers were popping up anywhere that could be considered an art scene haunt. But Hidan hated losing what he thought of as 'proper' work, and had been sulking about it on and off all week.
Kakuzu had had a trying week on his own account too. Because he was extremely discreet, although he'd never made any effort to hide his sexuality, it had never been the first thing people knew about him. Plenty of his clients and colleagues would've had no idea. And now, he'd been pretty publicly outed. He didn't like the subtle change in people's attitudes; he hated the implication that he'd been closeted, when in fact he'd just been living his life as he wanted without shouting about it. Most of all, he hated being recognised in the street and on the tube, which had been happening with reasonable regularity since the Daily Mail had printed a picture of them together. Along with a lot of other pictures of Hidan by himself and with other people - they were easy to come by, of course. The picture of them together looked like it had been taken on the night they met, at Deidara's opening - which felt far longer ago than it actually was.
The day had been vastly improved by Hidan popping in unannounced at lunchtime, stating that if he didn't 'shoot a load' before an hour-long sitting with Deidara then Asuma wouldn't be the only fucking artist he'd hospitalise this week. Kakuzu had been only too glad to oblige, but it made the clients he had to see this afternoon seem almost unbearably dull.
When Hidan left Deidara's studio at 3, he went back to his own flat to sort a few things before going away. Dei and Sasori were heading out already; Sasori drew up outside the studio just as Hidan was on his way out. Dei then - slightly weirdly in Hidan's opinion - tried to persuade him to travel down with them - maybe Sasori isn't the most exciting travel companion, he considered, intrigued at the possibility of finding a chink in the armour that was the partnership between Dei and Sasori. But he still needed to pack, and anyway, of course he was going down with Kakuzu. He didn't even need to think about it. Kakuzu was finishing work a little early - they were going to meet at his place at 5 and drive down together. And although as a general rule Hidan knew very little about cars and despised people who cared about them, he found himself pretty glad to be facing a long journey in Kakuzu's BMW rather than in the backseat of Sasori's horrible clapped-out little Ford.
Now, back in his own space for the first time in a week, Hidan suddenly felt a flat calm sense of utter relaxation that he only then realised he hadn't really had for a while. He'd been sky-high half the time he'd been with Kakuzu, but on edge with sexual tension and the slightly desperate need he couldn't quite rid himself off to make Kakuzu think well of him. He kind of wanted him here, now, but at the same time it felt good to be this calm. With a little jolt he realised he hadn't done a ritual for a whole week.
But he couldn't do one now. He went to have a look at what he had in the fridge to take his mind off it, and registered that there was quite a bit of crap in there that had better been cleared out before it had a chance to fester any more. There was also an unopened carton of pineapple juice, so he took that to the sofa and flopped down with it, gazing out over the Thames and wondering what Kakuzu would think if he brought him back here. He couldn't quite imagine him here - you'd think he'd look a bit out of place, but Kakuzu so far had displayed a knack for never seeming out of place anywhere. So perhaps he'd just take it all in his stride. Hidan thought he might just possibly want to get his underwear off the floor before that ever happened though.
The relaxation and the pineapple juice came together in a need to take a massive shit which sent him scrambling to the the bathroom. After that he thought he'd better have a really thorough clean out, so he got in the shower to do that. Probably worth doing after every shit now, he thought, mentally adding some douching apparatus to the list of things to pack (just in case the showers in the cottage were shit). And then being back in his own shower was so fucking amazing after a week of Kakuzu's hot water running out on him that he stayed in for more than half an hour.
After he finally mustered the requisite self control to get out, he felt so floppy and spent that he let himself collapse onto the sofa on his way through to the bedroom. Interesting how he still thought of it as the bedroom. Kakuzu's bedroom didn't feel like the bedroom it felt like their room, and Hidan shied away from that thought a little - it kind of scared him. He didn't mean to stay there long. He still had to pack and he knew he really ought to get a load of laundry through or he'd have nothing to wear when they got back. But before he could muster the energy to do any of it the emotional toll of the last few days hit him and he fell asleep where he lay.
He didn't wake up until Kakuzu called him at ten past five.
"Huh?" he said sleepily, confused and disorientated. "What's up?" He sat up, sticking uncomfortably to the leather sofa, a towel - cold and damp-feeling now - slipping off him onto the floor. Then it all hit him, the sunset starting over the Thames, Kakuzu's irritable voice asking him where he was, "oh fuck!" he exclaimed. "Oh fuck Kakuzu, I'm- I- I lost track of time, I'm still at home, oh shit, what fucking time is it?!"
"Lost track-" Kakuzu's voice was incredulous. "Hidan, you sound completely off your face, what are you doing? You're not-?" He didn't even know what to call it, but he had a sudden horrifying memory of Hidan in the train toilet, ashen faced and blood smeared - could he be..? Surely he wouldn't, just before he was going to cycle across town?
"No! no!" Hidan made a big effort to sound more with it. Kakuzu would go fucking apeshit if he thought he'd had been doing a ritual today. He was embarrassed to admit the truth but he thought he'd better come clean, "OK, I fell asleep, alright? I was just asleep!"
He leapt up, started to shove things in his rucksack, Kakuzu's measured but tense tones were sternly telling him that they'd hit appalling traffic now, they'd be hours late, what on earth was he thinking doing this today?
"I'm sorry ok?!" Hidan growled. He hated it when Kakuzu got so fucking pissy with him like this. "I didn't fucking mean to, did I?! Why didn't you call me before?"
"Clearly I thought you'd be on your way already!" Kakuzu was more than a little annoyed at having the blame turned back on him. "I didn't want to distract you while you were riding."
"Ah fuck, you know I can handle myself better than that! Seriously man!"
As Hidan's voice rose half an octave in indignation Kakuzu took a deep breath and told himself to calm down. Nothing to be gained by getting Hidan worked up, even though he could hardly believe the little idiot had managed to screw up their plans this magnificently! Leaving from Hampstead at five, they could've been just ahead of most of the rush hour traffic. He'd left work early specifically so they could leave at five on the dot, they'd have been in Gloucestershire for a nice civilised supper with their friends, and been able to enjoy the evening. Still. What was done was done. "Look, forget it, Hidan," he said, cutting off more long-winded explanations of how it couldn't possibly be considered Hidan's fault. "Would you like me to come and get you?"
Hidan stopped in mid-flow. He could hardly believe what he'd just heard. Had Kakuzu seriously just offered to drive across London at rush hour?
"It won't take much more than half an hour," Kakuzu said. "It'll give me something to do. We can go through Lambeth and head out on the M4.
"Man, that's fucking crazy," Hidan protested. "It'll be fucking carnage at this time! I'll be with you in half an hour and we can go out on the north circular like you wanted!"
Kakuzu sighed. He didn't really want Hidan haring across London at rush hour. Or coming on holiday with only a pair of boxer shorts and a toothbrush... "Stop pretending you know the first thing about it, Hidan," he said, more than a little patronisingly. "Get yourself together, pack properly and leave worrying about the traffic to those of us who actually know how to drive."
"The north circular will be carnage in half an hour anyway," he added.
"Ah, fuck," Hidan, snarled, annoyed and wrong footed. "You never fucking listen to me! You'll seriously fucking regret it as soon as you're past Kings Cross. And then you'll take it out on me when it takes us two fucking hours to get through Earls Court."
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't think it was the better option!" Kakuzu said, unable to keep the heat out of his voice, stung by Hidan's reaction.
Hidan carried on regardless. "You're fucking worrying I'm going to go under a fucking bus again, aren't you? How many fucking times do I have to tell you not to fucking worry about me?! It's fucking disrespectful, is what it is. Fucks sake."
Kakuzu closed his eyes. He almost put the phone down on him at that point but all of a sudden the thought of Hidan a few hours earlier swam into his head, kneeling in front of him at his desk, those eyes looking provocatively up at him, Kakuzu's cock in his face, just before he'd swallowed it whole. God, face-fucking him in the office had been even hotter than he'd imagined, and he'd imagined doing it enough times. And to be fair, he'd worked him pretty hard. Small wonder if he'd needed a power nap...
"Well, fine, suit yourself," he said. "But please be careful. Buses are a hell of a lot harder than you are..."
"Yeah, yeah," Hidan said dismissively. "Seriously, Kakuzu, give it a rest with that, man!"
Kakuzu hesitated. He wanted to say something that would make everything easy between them again. He hated to leave things like this with Hidan heading out into the traffic, but another curt 'fine,' was all he could muster.
Putting the phone down, Hidan felt an immediate wave of loneliness. He kind of wished he had let Kakuzu look after him a bit but it made him so fucking mad when he acted like he didn't think he could handle himself. No acknowledgement at all of the fact that he'd brought himself up to this from fucking nothing, with no help from anybody.
He grabbed a few last things from the bathroom, pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and his last clean t-shirt and then he was out of the door. He ran down six flights of stairs rather than waiting for the lift, took the time to pick up his post as he dashed through the foyer only because he was expecting his latest results from the clap clinic, then unlocked his bike from the embankment railings and was off.
Kakuzu thought he'd just relax and read the paper until Hidan arrived, but he wasn't relaxed. He was anxious and he wasn't used to anxiety. There was nothing left to do, the dogs were with the expensive pet-sitting service he always used when he had to go away, the car was packed. He decided to walk down the road and get Hidan something to eat on the journey. Otherwise he'd either be bad tempered with hunger or bitching about stopping somewhere. He took the walk slowly - it seemed like a lot of time to kill.
However, Hidan arrived in Parliament Hill sweaty and out of breath only 25 minutes later. He'd jumped every red light, squeezed through dangerous gaps next to bendy buses and generally behaved like every motorist's worst nightmare of a cyclist. He was now totally pumped and exhilarated and a fanatical gleam was in his eye as he screeched to a halt outside Kakuzu's house. He saw Kakuzu halfway down the street, walking towards him, so he shot down to join him, bunny-hopping his bike onto the kerb, then slow-cycling nonchalantly beside him.
"So, I bust my ass getting here and you can't even be bothered to be at fucking home?!" he grinned. "Made good time didn't I?"
He shifted swiftly down through several gears and Kakuzu put an automatic hand to the small of his back to steady him as the bike wobbled, whisking it away on discovering that Hidan was actually dripping with sweat, then putting it back again as his mind caught up with his reflexes and realised he wasn't actually in the least disconcerted by it. He slipped his fingers under Hidan's t-shirt and slid his hand sensuously a little way up his spine. "You did," he agreed, "but you're certainly going to need a quick change now! And I'm going to count that as part of your journey time."
"Fuck that, man!" Hidan said. "I'll do it in the car! Let's go!"
Kakuzu chuckled and raised an indulgent eyebrow. Hidan would do what Hidan would do. Now, he arabesqued elegantly off the bike and leant it up against Kakuzu's BMW. Kakuzu slid his fingers down again and tucked them just under the waistband of his jeans, pressing him up against the car as he unlocked it. "In you get then," he murmured, leaning down to kiss him on the mouth, quick, hard and proprietary. He opened the passenger door for him, then lifted the bike up onto the rack, surreptitiously checking his paintwork for scratches but refraining from saying anything about it. Hidan was shrugging off his rucksack and throwing it into the footwell, then collapsing dramatically into the seat. As Kakuzu got in beside him and started up the engine he'd already pulled off his t-shirt and started to towel off with it. Kakuzu gave himself a moment to appreciate the sight before he pulling away from the kerb and setting off down the hill.
Hidan leant forward to rummage in his rucksack for a clean top; Kakuzu, one hand on the wheel, eyes on the road, pushed him upright and leaned across him to grab his seatbelt and strap him in. "Feel free to stay like that," he said, "I don't mind."
He could see Hidan smirk out of the corner of his eye, but, "man, can you imagine the chafing that would cause!" he complained, pulling his rucksack up onto his lap for a more thorough search.
Kakuzu could, and did. He even took the opportunity while they were waiting for a gap in the traffic on South End Road to cop a bit of a feel as well, brushing a lazy fingertip over Hidan's nipple to make it stand to attention, smiling at how the one he couldn't reach was doing the same anyway and very much wanting to repeat the action with his mouth now - but just then a car flashed its lights at him to let them out, and he had to turn his attention back to the road. Hidan shifted in the seat, then had to give himself a bit of a rearrange.
"Man, Kakuzu!" He laughed a little breathlessly. "You're fucking horny this afternoon, aren't you? Do I need to sort you out before we hit the north circular?"
"I'll be fine." Kakuzu swung out onto the main road and started driving a little faster. They might just about not hit the very worst of the traffic now and he wasn't going to give up that advantage. Perhaps he shouldn't have encouraged Hidan the way he had, but - he stole another glance at him - it was pretty damn irresistible. And after all, a little bit of sexual frustration was an awful lot easier to endure than the sulking and misunderstandings that had marked the beginning of their last journey together. Wasn't it?
Hidan finally found a top, finally - long sleeved, tight fitting - and pulled it on. He wasn't giving up though. One hand found its way onto Kakuzu's thigh, and Kakuzu let it stay there for a minute or two. Then it got too distracting.
"OK, not when I'm driving Hidan," he said regretfully, changing gear and putting Hidan's hand firmly back in his own lap, but with the little stroke of his thumb in his palm that Hidan always found strangely erotic. "Behave yourself now!"
After such an amicable beginning it was almost unbelievable that they should be bickering before they even reached the M40, but that was what was happening.
The traffic was far from ideal, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. But they'd both started to get pretty tense after 45 minutes on the north circular. Light banter had become distinctly snarky, recriminations started to be made; the argument they'd heroically managed not to have earlier started to be rekindled. Kakuzu became monosyllabic; Hidan became correspondingly - and both irritably and irritatingly - verbose.
It might even have been better to've made Hidan take a shower, Kakuzu considered, even if it would've cost them another half hour into rush hour, and not because the smell of him was unpleasant, either - quite the opposite. Hidan pheromones were obviously exactly what he was biologically predisposed to respond to, and not being able to respond was driving him slowly crazy.
It was driving Hidan a bit crazy too. He didn't like his overtures being turned down, no matter what the circumstances. Kakuzu's little touches in the street had made him horny as fuck, even after what they'd got up to in Kakuzu's office earlier, and now he apparently had to sit quietly and behave for fucking hours? It really wasn't, you could say, his forte.
Also, he was really starting to need to pee...
Umm, Kakuzu..." He began tentatively, because Kakuzu's profile was looking distinctly stony and the last thing he'd said to him had, admittedly, been pretty rude, "when there's next an opportunity to stop...?"
"Oh for fuck's sake Hidan!" Kakuzu exclaimed, understanding immediately. It was an uncharacteristically violent outburst for him; fuck tended to be a word he didn't use often, and when he did he meant it. "Why on earth didn't you go before we left?"
"I didn't fucking need to before we left!"
"It's a long journey - you go anyway!"
"Well you were fucking rushing me!"
"I was not rushing you - I even suggested you go in and change! I didn't think I'd need to prompt you to wee like a potty training toddler!"
"Well are we fucking stopping or do I take a slash out of the window?" Hidan demanded finally.
Kakuzu, without another word, pulled over with an angry swoop onto the hard shoulder, ostentatiously flicking the hazards on and sitting back with his arms folded while Hidan pulled his shoes - which he'd kicked off before they were even out of Hampstead - laboriously back on.
"If you'd given me some fucking warning you wouldn't be waiting now," Hidan pointed out infuriatingly. He even popped his head back in the car, once he finally was out - to add, "but that's what you want, isn't it, an excuse to be even more fucking annoyed with me!"
"Just get on with it, would you? This isn't a safe place to stop." Kakuzu spoke through gritted teeth and his fingers tightened on the steering wheel. He wasn't even sure if there was truth in Hidan's analysis or not, he just felt that old urge to lash out that had ruined every relationship he'd ever started, rising and rising in him. He stared fixedly out of the front windscreen, determined to keep his eyes off Hidan and his unabashed pissing stance. He seemed to be deliberately taking an inordinately long time.
Despite being fairly desperate, Hidan was in fact now struggling to relax enough to begin. He took a deep breath and tried to squash the thought of Kakuzu down like he was sure Kakuzu was currently doing with all thoughts of him. It didn't work for more than a second, but it was just about enough to get started. Without that distraction, though, he felt twice as much the cold clamping down of misery that always took hold of him during these toxic squabbles. Why couldn't Kakuzu just throw him some kind of line to get out of this fucking hole? He'd grasp it, whatever it was. But by now he'd been in enough of these situations to be pretty sure nothing more would be forthcoming. Fuck, he'd probably missed a few already. At this point Kakuzu would probably think he'd been good enough by not just driving off and leaving him here.
Zipping himself back up, he turned back to the car. I'll take it, he resolved again. Whatever he fucking throws me. Fuck, he'd even throw his own pride on the line to improve the atmosphere now.
"Hey, thanks for waiting for me," he offered with an playfully appeasing smile as he got back in. Fucking self-deprecating enough? he asked himself silently, unable to repress a little surge of self-loathing. Have I fucking abased myself enough?
But it was unfortunate that the traffic had got a little heavier in the last few minutes, and, "it's not as if I had much choice," Kakuzu replied coldly, gesturing out of the window at the solid line of cars speeding past. It could nearly have been interpreted as dark humour, but it wasn't quite near enough. Hidan stared at him, eyes burning with white-hot rage, then turned away before Kakuzu could see the rage replaced with misery.
No-one let them out for at least a minute, and during that minute they said nothing to each other. They didn't even look at each other - neither could trust himself. Kakuzu had immediately regretted taking this last opportunity to be a bastard, but he couldn't back-track from it now, and his stress levels were rising again at the congestion that had suddenly materialised around them. Hidan was bitterly regretting taking a conciliatory stance now that the rug had been mercilessly ripped from under his feet, and was resolving never, ever to do such a fucking stupid thing again.
"Fuck," he murmured under his breath, as Kakuzu finally muscled the BMW back into the flow of traffic. They sat in horrible silence, staring at the road until the A40 finally turned into the M40 and things started to move a little faster.
It did nothing for the atmosphere in the car though. The extra burst of speed just seemed to give Hidan the momentum he required to start up again. "Why do you have to fucking rip into me like that?" he asked bitterly. "And then sit there like a fucking inanimate block of wood? Do you even have fucking feelings?"
"Hidan. Not now." Kakuzu's voice, although quiet, was intensely repressive, but Hidan was unstoppable.
"Even with no-one fucking else here you're fucking ashamed of me, aren't you Kakuzu? Because I'm not a pansy wuss like you who's afraid to let himself ever open up? No-one's fucking looking, you know? No-one's going to see you be nice to me! You can fucking get away with it! Maybe you should be embarrassed for yourself instead, for acting like a fucking ice queen when I was actually making an effort to make things nice again! Everything could've been fucking ok! And at least I can keep a fucking conversation going!"
This was a bit too near the bone for Kakuzu. Maybe this was a discussion they ought to have - maybe even have sometime pretty soon - but not now. Not when he was already frustrated. Not when the traffic was speeding up and the light was fading and he really needed to be able to relax and focus on the road.
"Have you finished?" he snapped, after Hidan seemed to have talked himself out.
It didn't go down well.
"I've barely fucking started, asshole! Jeez!" Hidan shot back.
"Really, don't talk to me like that right now, Hidan," Kakuzu said through gritted teeth, his knuckles whitening on the wheel.
"You mean don't fucking talk to you at all, don't you!"
"That's not what I mean, though I'd settle for it right now!"
"Why do you fucking keep me around if you hate my fucking company as much as that?!"
"You should know the answer to that, Hidan,"
"Well, why don't you fucking say it? For a fucking change. Why do I have to fucking make up your contribution to the conversation my-fucking-self?!"
"This 'conversation' is utterly pointless, Hidan. You're just trying to get a rise out of me, and it's not going to work."
"Oh! Oh, I see!" said Hidan, his tone loud and obnoxious. "So communicating with me is pointless now, is it. Seriously Kakuzu, jeez, that's just fucking great!"
"Hidan, could you possibly bring yourself to just shut up and let me drive?"
Hidan put a finger to his mouth in a mockery of thoughtfulness. "Hmm!" he mused sarcastically. "Let's fucking see! Oh! No, Kakuzu, turns out I can't fucking bring myself to do that. Can you bring your-fucking-self to act like not a horrible bastard? No?! I didn't fucking think so."
Kakuzu said nothing. He couldn't even quite remember how they got into this situation anymore. What had started this? Who had started it? And how on earth could he just make it stop? Hidan's voice was going on and on, until he wanted to smash his smugly self righteous face against the dashboard until he was bloody and trembling, cowering in the opposite corner of the car, and above all, silent. The visceral quality of his imagination horrified him, the amount he wanted to do it was frightening; he knew he absolutely had to get off the motorway without a moment's delay. There was no way he was safe to drive when he was this angry.
He indicated left and got the car somehow into the slow lane, there was a junction coming up where - thank goodness - there was a motorway service station, but he just couldn't zone Hidan out enough. Was this what the phrase 'under your skin' was all about? If so it was horrific, and he didn't want it. He'd felt sick enough seeing a shadow of his own fingermarks on Hidan's arm after their argument on the train a week ago. He had enough self-control to know how he'd feel afterwards if he hurt him. But he didn't have enough not to want to, right now; he had no idea if he had enough to stop himself. If he didn't look at him or touch him, maybe, just got him away...?
"Why don't you just fucking come out and say it, Kakuzu," Hidan was still going on, and now he even went as far as to imitate Kakuzu's voice, " 'I keep you around because you're a good fucking lay and I was tired of taking my dogs up the arse'?!"
Kakuzu shot up the slip road, letting out a guttural growl of anger. He pulled into the first place he saw - not even a proper parking place, just a little lay-by at the edge of the coach and lorry area - and slammed on the brakes. "Alright, Hidan, I've had enough. Get out."
Hidan stared at him, mouth open in surprise, "W-what?"
Kakuzu flicked off the engine. "Get out," he repeated, his voice cold. "You can hitch your way back into London. Since you've got 'good fucking lay' written all over you, I'm sure any self respecting trucker of the right persuasion would be glad to take you on board."
Hidan continued to just stare at him, then shook his head a little, "man, are you fucking crazy?" he asked. "You want me to get fucking raped by truckers, are you serious?"
Why did Hidan have to push him to the brink again and again? The way he kept unremittingly needling at him, turning everything around on him - Kakuzu was just inches away from taking a swing at him, and that was something he really, really didn't want to do. Instead, he leant across him, careful not to even so much as brush against him, and opened the passenger door, thrusting it wide with a flick of his fingers.
"Just get out before I do something I'll regret," he spat.
"Why don't you just fucking do it then, Kakuzu?!" Hidan yelled. He pulled the door shut again, as hard as he could, and throwing his arms wide he angled his body towards Kakuzu. "You want to fucking hit me? Go the fuck on then, see what happens!"
Kakuzu punched the steering wheel instead. Hidan looked on in awe. He'd've broken his hand if he'd tried that, but Kakuzu seemed to be alright - physically anyway; he even did it twice more. Hidan flinched a little the third time. "You're going to set off the airbag," he said, a little uncertainly. He began to wonder if he'd gone a little too far. "Or break your hand." His heart was beating hard - he was pretty glad he hadn't taken that punch himself.
There was silence for a moment. Then Hidan put a very, very tentative hand on Kakuzu's arm as he continued to stare fixedly at the steering wheel. "Hey, Kakuzu? Don't be so mad?" He made his voice as sweet as could be. "I didn't mean it, OK?" Still no reaction, though at least he wasn't telling him to get out of the car anymore. Time to try a different tack maybe.
He stared at Kakuzu's stony profile a moment longer, then leant right round in front of him so he could look into his face. "Kakuzu?" he said again, looking up at him, his face anxious and propitiating. "You didn't really take your dogs up the arse, did you? Is that why you're so angry with me?"
Kakuzu slowly closed his eyes in disbelief, then suddenly laid his head down on the steering wheel, shaking with laughter. He couldn't help himself. He didn't quite understand why, but suddenly his anger just seemed to drain away. Hidan stared at him for a moment, then began to laugh too. Did this mean he was forgiven? He really fucking hoped so. Kakuzu leant back, still chuckling, and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I know I'm a bad-tempered old bastard. I don't know how you put up with me, but - to answer your question - I keep you around because you're the light of my life, OK?"
Hidan's mouth dropped open again - how the fuck did Kakuzu manage to pull something that fucking precious out of the most horrendous row they'd yet had? "Fuck," he whispered, his throat somehow tightening on him and not letting him speak normally. "I am never fucking going anywhere. You are fucking stuck with me now, man." He somehow managed to wriggle in between Kakuzu and the steering wheel and Kakuzu, anticipating it, shot the seat back and reclined it.
First he took Kakuzu's hand and examined the knuckles, then flexed the fingers. "Are you really OK?" he asked. "Doing that would've fucking crippled me."
"I'm fine," Kakuzu murmured, "really. You need to look at your technique, though, if you're hurting yourself-"
"Nah, it's cool," Hidan leaned in close, his lips brushing Kakuzu's, then kissing him lightly. "I don't tend to go in for punching inanimate objects anyway," he finished, before starting to kiss him harder, deeper, locking an arm around Kakuzu's neck and grinding his hips against him. "I fucking knew you needed to get off."
Kakuzu had cause to be very glad of his BMW's tinted windows as he unzipped himself, then Hidan, and then attempted to get Hidan's jeans - admittedly much tighter than he would ever wear himself - off him. It was pretty awkward, definitely inelegant; neither of them cared. Hidan grabbed his jeans to delve in the back pocket - he came up empty handed. Quick rucksack rummage - only lube.
"Anything's fine," Kakuzu pulled him back onto him. "Just for fuck's sake come here,"
"I like other activities as much as the next man," Hidan's voice was almost slurred with lust, but he kept searching. "But right now you really need to fuck me." He looked Kakuzu dead in the eye. "Fucking admit it."
Kakuzu hesitated. There was really no denying it. He noticed that Hidan was holding an envelope in a meaningful way - it had an NHS postmark. "I haven't opened this yet..." he was saying.
"Are you worried?" Kakuzu asked, taking it from him. He didn't need to ask what it was, but he was absurdly touched at the thought of Hidan getting himself down to the clinic without saying anything about it - and he'd probably had to wait for bloody hours, too. It was a serious indication that he saw this relationship as long term, as well - an idea Kakuzu saved up to think about properly later. Of course, he'd gone private for that sort of thing himself - got it done in half an hour at lunchtime. He told himself he didn't feel remotely guilty about abandoning the NHS - hadn't it abandoned him? - another thought that he had to squash down.
"No reason to be," Hidan was saying, "but I always am."
Maybe with his weird blood obsession it made a little sense; Kakuzu ripped it open. He was glad to hear the word 'always' - in this at least Hidan wasn't as irresponsible as he sometimes seemed. "Mine came back clear yesterday," he said. "It's in the glove compartment if you want to see."
He pulled the letter out of the envelope and scanned through the contents with an expert eye. "You're fine," he said, and his stomach gave a sudden lurch of excitement.
"Oh fuck!" Hidan's voice went high-pitched. He grabbed the lube. He didn't bothered to look at Kakuzu's letter - and the trust he had in him made Kakuzu's pulse quicken and his stomach flip over again. "Are we doing this? Are we fucking doing this?!"
Kakuzu took the lube from him. "Oh, we are! I hope you've been eating enough fibre..."
"Fuck you, I'm douched and everything!" Hidan protested. "It's fucking all-bran for me from now on - I take this fucking seriously, I'll have you know!"
His words turned into gasps as Kakuzu's cock eased into him and it was so fucking hot, the smoothness of Kakuzu's skin against his, no distracting little snags and wrinkles, just hot and slick and hard. His mouth was just inches from Kakuzu's, their eyes locked together, he'd never felt intimacy like it. Kakuzu couldn't move that much in the position he was in - it was all down to Hidan, and he started to ride him as hard and fast as he could. The simultaneous feelings of being in control and of being utterly and completely penetrated were intoxicating. In such a cramped space it was hard work, though, and eventually he had to ease the pace, leaning against Kakuzu's chest, half pulling off his top and unbuttoning Kakuzu's shirt so that even more of their skin was touching.
"Kakuzu," he whispered, his mouth right up against Kakuzu's, "you have a really fucking massive cock, you know."
"I do know that, yes, Hidan," Kakuzu murmured back, thrusting up into him, just a little, as Hidan eased down what he had thought was all the way. Hidan gasped gratifyingly. Kakuzu smiled. "What particularly makes you mention it-" he did it again, eliciting another sharp gasp, "now?"
"It's-" he had to have a little pause each time he worked Kakuzu's cock deep into himself, "really much - easier - to get it all - in without a - fucking condom, isn't it?"
Kakuzu shifted a little, so he had a little more agency. "You're actually still not quite getting the whole thing..." he murmured silkily, moving forward and pressing Hidan back so that he was draped over the steering wheel. He slid his seat back as far as it would go, and now if he just shifted so that he was kneeling on the seat - oh yes, that was it - he added a bit more lube and pushed in all the rest of the way and Hidan moaned, still trying to say something but utterly incoherent now.
"Sh-shh," Kakuzu soothed. Bracing himself with one hand on the dashboard and gripping firmly around Hidan's waist with the other, he started fucking him how he knew he liked it best, hard, fast and deep, straightening him out, hitting his sweet spot again and again, and it wasn't long before Hidan was coming everywhere, a crazy big load considering he'd shot another one only a few hours ago. Ah, youth... Kakuzu thought. He almost considered holding back so he could fuck him some more while he was super sensitive, and using his own come for lubrication, but just watching him do it was just so hot, and Kakuzu so pent up that it just couldn't be done. A very nice idea that he would certainly use another time though!
Afterwards, collapsing back into the oh-so-convenient drivers' seat, with Hidan on top of him and his mind finally clear, Kakuzu began to think about the time, and the long stretch of journey still ahead of them. It was distinctly dusky all around now. He glanced at his watch, and Hidan, feeling and correctly interpreting the movement, looked up at him with eyes full of mock-reproach.
"Back to the grindstone, eh?" he said, slightly emphasising the 'grind'.
"Well, unless you fancy a night in a Travelodge..." Kakuzu deposited him back in the passenger seat and tossed him the sweaty t-shirt from the floor to clean himself up with after giving himself a quick wipe over. It was lucky Hidan had undone his shirt - it was really almost completely unsullied... he buttoned it back up, tucked himself back into his trousers, and started up the engine.
"Hang on a fucking minute!" Hidan exclaimed, pulling his top down and starting to struggle with his jeans.
"Calm down." Kakuzu shot him an amused look. "I'll just drive us a bit nearer to the actual services and nip in for a wash... you can stay in the car if you want."
Wondering how Kakuzu was going to manage to wash his cock in the massive impersonal toilets of motorway service stations, but sure he was equal to the task, Hidan elected to stay in the car. He thought he might well regret it further down the line, but he was rather enjoying the debauched feeling of being full of Kakuzu's come, ravished and made a mess off and abandoned. Also, he didn't want to move at all. In fact, he was feeling quite drowsy now...
So by the time Kakuzu arrived back at the car, nice and clean and with a much needed cup of coffee, Hidan was fast asleep. Kakuzu, smiling with a tenderness he was still struggling to show Hidan while he was awake, strapped him in, shrugged off his jacket and tucked it over him and sighed in contentment as he pulled out of the service station and back towards the motorway. With any luck now Hidan would stay asleep for the rest of the journey...