Well, this took ages! I honestly was working on it the whole time as well... Luckily it split into two chapters as I was writing, so the wait for chapter 16 shouldn't be as long!

By nine o'clock they were nearly there. Kakuzu was running on fumes and it felt like midnight - these country lanes were seriously dark. He was driving faster than was entirely prudent with all the windows down and Beethoven's Fifth blasting out of the stereo at full volume in an effort to keep himself awake. Hidan was leaning out of his window precariously far to try and keep his motion sickness under control. He'd woken up a few miles back when they left the main road; he'd seemed to sense the bumps and turns in his sleep and very quickly he'd been feeling distinctly queasy and had gone alarmingly ashen-faced. Kakuzu had had to pull over to give him a few moments of deep breathing over a five bar gate. It had seemed to deal with the worst of it, but he was still rather white around the mouth. Kakuzu had taken a moment to look at the road atlas while he was at it; he'd lost all phone signal now and the last thing he wanted to do was get them lost at this stage of the journey. But, at last - if he was indeed on the right track - the turning should be any minute now...

"There it fucking is, man," Hidan called back into the car, gesturing to the left. Kakuzu stepped hard on the brakes and saw the converted chapel - tastefully up-lit - a little uphill from them, looking ghostly in the moonlight. The dark driveway he was now pulling into had paper lanterns hung in the trees at intervals - Ah, Konan... he thought. He cut Beethoven off mid-phrase.

After about 50 yards they came across a clutch of parked cars and Kakuzu pulled up behind an incredibly flash looking orange Lamborghini.

"What the fuck?" Hidan stumbled out of the car before he'd even killed the engine and nearly collapsed with laughter. "Whose is that?!"

"Good grief," said Kakuzu, coming around to join him, the slam of the car door seeming incredibly loud in the cool darkness. "It's obscene."

"It's Tobi, isn't it?" Hidan said. 'It's fucking Tobi; he is the only fucking one who would drive a thing like that."

"Hmm," said Kakuzu. "you may be right. Unless Yahiko is having a mid-life crisis..."

"Remind me which of the pretentious fuckers that is?" His nausea was wearing off now and Hidan was becoming uncomfortably aware of the dishevelled state he was in. He discreetly sniffed towards his armpit. Fuck.

"Nagato Pein's PA," Kakuzu said, suddenly sitting down on the bonnet of the car and feeling utterly exhausted. He found himself rambling on, not even sure how they'd got on the subject anymore. "Or more of a fixer, really. He does everything for him on the outside; he and Konan are very close. I think they were all at university together. Or maybe even school - they go way back."

"Oh, right, yeah, the boss-man from Konan's gallery..." Hidan was peering into the Lamborghini, looking for clues, though it was really too dark to see anything. "I know the fucker. But, nah, it's fucking Tobi."

He glanced over at Kakuzu - he'd never seen an even remotely vulnerable side of him before and it worried him. He took half a step towards him, hand outstretched to help him up, a suggestion that they get their bags and go on up to the house forming on his lips, but before he could say anything Kakuzu's arm was around his waist and he was reeling him in, pulling him firmly between his legs.

"Alright now?" he asked, his voice low, locking his arms around Hidan and laying his head wearily against his shoulder. He felt Hidan's arms drape around his neck, fingers nervously combing through the ends of his hair, and it just seemed so easy to stay like that. He felt exhaustion roll over him like a wave; after all that driving, walking the 20 more yards to the front door seemed like too much.

"Mm." Hidan nodded, but now all he could think was, fuck, if I actually smell bad to myself, how much fucking worse must it seem to Kakuzu?! Plus, was something actually trickling out of him?! He shifted experimentally. Yes, it definitely was. Fuck. He tightened his sphincter. How long could he keep this up?!

It was a bit of a reversal of their usual roles and, maybe that's why his heart is actually beating faster, thought Kakuzu. He gave a short laugh that was really just an exhalation with a small injection of humour. "Don't you like being in charge?" he asked. "Don't worry... I'll be ok in a minute..."

He nestled further in against Hidan's chest, rubbing his cheekbone over those beautifully defined pecs - he must spend at at least as long in the gym as Kakuzu did himself - and breathing in deeply-

"Fuck, Kakuzu!" Hidan exclaimed sharply. "I fucking stink! What the fuck's wrong with you - you shouldn't want to do that!"

"Mm, I do want to though," Kakuzu murmured, slipping his hands under Hidan's top and working one round to the front. He had to separate the fabric from Hidan's body where dried cum had stuck it to him and Hidan groaned in shame and disgust.

"You are fucking depraved, man!" He arched his body away; Kakuzu pulled him firmly back.

"I've always been fond of seafood..." he teased. Hidan closed his eyes in horror.

"Oh fuck-" he moaned; he was actually starting to get turned on by this, and, shit, he'd relaxed and the trickling had started up again - how fucking big a load had Kakuzu pumped into him anyway?! "I don't know how the fuck you can even stand to be this close to me! I need to get to a shower!" he said desperately.

"To be honest," Kakuzu continued, pushing his top up, flicking his tongue over Hidan's nipple just like he'd fantasised about doing earlier, "I think you'd turn me on in just about any state-"

But the noise of the engine had attracted someone's attention - a slim dark figure was coming down the path - and Kakuzu put Hidan a little away from him and got to his feet with a final superhuman effort.

It was Konan. "You made it!" she called. She came and put her arms around his neck and had kissed him on the cheek before he could think of any way to evade it. She was clearly a few sheets to the wind already, but was still just about able to maintain her usual elegance and poise. "We're still at the wine and nibbles stage, so don't feel like you've missed anything. Kisame and Itachi only got here half an hour ago as well."

Kakuzu watched with interest as she moved onto Hidan, who backed away theatrically. "Ah, no, Konan, I honestly don't recommend a hug!" he said, genuine panic in his tone, "I am fucking seriously not at my best right now!"

Konan laughed. "Alright, Hidan, don't worry!" She patted him on the arm instead. "We're all so glad you could join us," she said, a little over-intensely. "Why don't we get you both up to the house and you can hop in the shower and freshen up while I get Kakuzu a glass of wine!"

She looked from one to the other with barely disguised interest, but Kakuzu was in discreet mode now, giving Hidan the barest of touches to his elbow to get him moving after getting their suitcase from the boot.

"Tobi and Deidara are already completely off their little faces on whatever it is that Zetsu's brought with him," she called over her shoulder as they followed her up the path. "Just so you're prepared..."

It wasn't until they were halfway up a little flight of stairs that led straight off the front hall that she said - and, is she looking ever so slightly uncomfortable, Kakuzu wondered - "Oh, about the bedrooms..." - in the plural, never a good sign - "I'm ever so sorry but there's only one double and I've had to give it to Sasori and Deidara as-"

Not to worry Konan," Kakuzu cut in, several steps ahead. He loathed awkwardness of this kind and just wanted to get it over with. "I know I didn't give you a lot of warning..."

"And the twin will have to be for Itachi and Kisame, as I can't ask either of them to go in the bunk room, so-"

"Bunk room?" Hidan - just catching up - was looking completely appalled.

"Itachi needs peace and quiet, and the beds in there just aren't big enough for Kisame! There is a single room, so I thought if you had that, Kakuzu, and Hidan went in with the boys, then at least you two have somewhere a bit private to retreat to." She smiled knowingly at them.

Hidan was still looking dismayed. "The boys...?" he asked.

"Tobi and Zetsu," Konan clarified. "I hope it'll be ok - I know you all get along, so hopefully it'll be fun!" She smiled brightly. Hidan sagged. He didn't at all want to share a room with Tobi and Zetsu, let alone a fucking bunk bed. But he knew they'd confirmed late, they didn't really have leg to stand on making any demands. Dei and Sasori would've requested a double months ago.

He'd take his cue from Kakuzu, he decided, and he could see by a quick glance at Kakuzu's impassive profile that he wouldn't be at all down with him being obstreperous with Konan.

"Hidan, you look horrified!" Kakuzu said unexpectedly, though, the arm that was loosely around his waist giving him a quick squeeze. "You can have the single if you like - I'll go in the bunk room and keep the 'boys' in order."

"Oh man, Kakuzu, you'd fucking hate it," Hidan protested, though the fact the Kakuzu had made the offer made him feel a massive amount better.

Konan added anxiously, "and really, I think you'd be just as bad for the beds as Kisame would, Kakuzu..."

Hidan put a hand on his arm. "I'll be ok," he said bravely, making his voice throb and catch a little in his throat and turning up his best martyred eyes. Kakuzu rolled his own sardonically and turned back to Konan.

"Thank you, Konan," he said politely, "you've been far more considerate than we deserve! Don't worry at all. Perhaps you should show us the way before Hidan starts getting designs on an Oscar."

Konan laughed, relieved that they seemed to be taking it alright. She was uncomfortably aware that Sasori and Deidara were not in fact in the only double bedroom - but she was not about to give hers up when there was a chance of discreetly sneaking Yahiko in there. If the rumours were true Kakuzu and Hidan had been shacked up together for a week anyway - they could probably cope with a little time apart. She glanced back at them as they followed her up the stairs. Discretion had clearly been thrown to the winds; Hidan had his hand resting on Kakuzu's shoulder and was leaning against him to murmur something right into his ear. God only knew where Kakuzu's hands were. And... was Hidan nibbling his earlobe now? She tore her gaze away, but not before Hidan's had flicked up and made momentary, teasing, eye contact.

"Here you are, Hidan," she said, taking refuge in playing the hostess. "And the bathroom's just across the hall. Why don't you go on while I show Kakuzu his room, and then I'm going to get you that glass of wine, Kakuzu, you really do look like you could use one!"

The bunk room was very obviously intended for children and had a colourful rug and beanbags on the floor. Hidan's nose wrinkled as he went in. "Tobi's brought his Lynx Africa, then!" he exclaimed, with some distaste. "It smells like the fucking boys' locker room in here already!"

The eponymous bunk bed - both top and bottom - was clearly claimed already, so he chucked his rucksack onto an admittedly rather small single that was tucked under the sloping part of the ceiling, then delved in it to remove the various items that he didn't want sharing a room with Tobi and Zetsu. He handed them to Kakuzu. "Here," he said, "you're in charge of these babies." Konan averted her eyes.

Kakuzu's little room, just along the passage, was quite spartan and seemed to suit him somehow. Just a bed, a sink in the corner - could be convenient - and a little dark wood chest of drawers, which he put Hidan's apparatus down on top of. Quite honestly, he felt like he'd rather go straight to sleep than anything - he looked longingly at the narrow, white-covered bed. He didn't feel like wine would be remotely restorative, and he could really barely face the idea of socialising. But he knew what was expected of him, and perhaps food would help. Leaving his suitcase to unpack later, he followed Konan back down the stairs. He could hear the hiss of the shower starting up and was glad at least that Hidan would be happy now.

In the kitchen they found Yahiko, rather incongruously wearing a large Moet & Chandon apron and mixing up a salad dressing. Kakuzu accepted a glass of wine and went out into the large open plan living space to look for congenial company. There seemed to be two distinct groups - Itachi Uchiha, ensconced in a large wing-backed armchair with an air of ennui reminiscent of a Sargent portrait, was holding court next to a wood-burning stove; Kisame was on the hearth rug at his feet, looking up at him with clear adoration; a melancholy-looking Sasori, inexplicably - given that there was another perfectly good armchair on the other side of the stove - perched nervily on a pouffe beside him. And then there was Tobi, Zetsu and Deidara; stoned, raucous and clearly already pretty pissed as well. They'd discovered a small games room and had just emerged with a Twister set. Tobi seemed very excited; he carefully spread out the mat.

Kakuzu went and sat down by Sasori without a moment's hesitation.

It didn't take him long to figure out why Sasori had picked the pouffe over the armchair - he kept shooting little glances over at the younger guys, and from where Kakuzu was sitting he had his back to it all. He was pretty content to keep it that way; Sasori didn't look too happy.

But the conversation had turned inevitably to the week's hottest news, and Kakuzu wasn't too thrilled about that. He wished they'd all just leave him alone and let him handle it himself, but it seemed like everyone had to have an opinion. Kisame was once again outlining his ideas for a feature in Akatsuki magazine. Both Itachi and Sasori were shaking their heads though; 'too establishment' said Itachi; 'too late' said Sasori.

Then Yahiko, on his way back from taking cutlery over to the table, was hanging over the back of Itachi's chair and sticking his oar in as well. "I could wish this trouble with Sarutobi hadn't come up now, Kakuzu," he said. "There's a student at St Martins Mr. Pein really has his eye on..."

Kakuzu controlled his temper with some difficulty. "Look, I'm willing to give it a try," he said, to Kisame, who was being the least irritating, taking a sip of his wine. "After this morning's headlines I can see that I need to address the situation somehow." He massaged his temples - he could feel a tension headache coming on.

Itachi looked up. "This morning's?" he said, his voice low and husky, but still clearly laced through with surprise. He cleared his throat. "Have you not seen the Nara article?" He got his phone out and offered it to Kakuzu.

"Here," he said, watching him intently. Kakuzu started to read.

Prominent art investor Kakuzu Taki has sold his Sarutobis - and that's all it takes for every small investor to try and sell as well, flooding the market and making demand for his new work non-existent. Big collectors do this sort of thing all the time, of course; it's nothing new, artists are well aware that - no matter how well-loved, well regarded and successful - they are at the mercy of the people whose whims can damage their reputations and slash their prices at the drop of a hat.

It's the ugly side of the creative scene, where beautiful pieces of art are nothing more than an abstract sum, and traded like stocks and shares. It's demoralising, it's despicable, but it's what all artists have to accept: if a big collector buys out your degree show, while it's going to give your career a tremendous short term boost, the debt can be called in. But there's more in this case than meets the eye.

Asuma Sarutobi is an artist who has built up his practise with equal measures of diligence and brilliance, and whose commercial success has not stopped him from passing on his knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation. A founding member of an exciting and highly innovative project space in Hackney, and a regular tutor and visiting lecturer at St Martins and Chelsea, Asuma has a wide reach in the current art scene. In my opinion, his work, while maybe less in-your-face than in the '90s, is of as high a standard as ever.

Taki didn't buy most of his Sarutobis when Asuma was an emerging artist - it was a few years later, when his critical success was already reasonably established. After Taki's purchases, commercial success soon followed, though it wasn't until a few years later that Taki emerged as the giant of the collecting scene that he is now.

To me, his sale of Asuma's work seems uncharacteristic, and in fact, I would go so far as to say a calculated and spiteful move to damage Asuma's career. Taki's latest boyfriend, the notoriously troubled model Hidan Yu, had various run-ins with Asuma during the weeks leading up to the sales, the last of them leaving Asuma in intensive care. I was there, and the fact that I nearly got arrested as my friend was bleeding out in front of me is testament to the fact that whatever they told the police was a very different narrative to the one I took part in. My assessment is that Taki's sales were a kind of payback for Asuma's decision to stand up to Hidan. It's a troubling notion, that one of our most influential collectors would stoop so low, and that art history may be in the hands of men such as this, who will drag an artist down not for the quality of his work, but for petty, sordid and personal feuds.

So, my advice is; if you're an investor: don't sell your Sarutobis. You may find he's making a comeback quicker than you thought. And if you're an artist, don't sell your work to Kakuzu Taki. He's making bad choices - and ones that aren't informed by the genuine love of art that used to characterise his collection. The scene is changing and we have the means to bring the age of the big collector to an end. For the first time in over a decade of dominance, Taki may actually be set to lose money.

Kakuzu was silent a moment, his mouth set in a hard line. His fist clenched involuntarily. This kid - he looked again at the byline photo - this odious brat who'd had Hidan in an armlock while his friends assaulted him, while Asuma Sarutobi held a knife in his face, had the audacity to call him petty and sordid. And 'men such as this'?! Was this the bloody 1890s? It was unbelievable.

"Christ," he muttered. "That's a fucking hatchet job, isn't it?" He handed the phone back to Itachi.

"Nara has already got a very large following among the students and the young 'hip' crowd," Itachi said, passing the phone down to Kisame, who was holding up a hand for it and started to skim through the piece again. "He may seem crass and pompous to us, but to them it's a war cry. I can write something, sure, but it won't counteract the effect this is having. It just won't have the reach among the people you want to invest in, Kakuzu."

Kisame looked up, and he looked more cheerful. "I've got an idea," he said. "What's the name of that chick who hangs out with Sasuke, Itachi?"

"Karin." said Itachi without hesitation. "Karin Uzumaki."

"Yes, that's it. Well, I was talking to her on Monday night after you two left, Kakuzu. She's a blogger of some kind, has a YouTube channel that gets ridiculous numbers of views... Seems she's trying to get into journalism. Why don't we get her in to interview you-

"Interview?" Kakuzu was a little alarmed. He remembered the girl. She'd seemed a sulky rebellious type. Which he might enjoy in an Apollonian youth, but quite honestly alarmed him in a female...

"It's a good idea," Itachi said quietly. "She'll humanise you, Kakuzu. She'll provide an unexpected counterpoint. Asuma's set is extremely blokey - this will show them up, if we play it right. They'll look like a bunch of straight white guys tossing their privilege around. Thinking they've got the right to start a fire and not get burned." Although Itachi's tone was as cool and collected as ever, there was clearly a strength of feeling here that went beyond the current discussion, and Kakuzu remembered that Itachi had been at St Martins himself a long time ago. Perhaps there was some extra history there.

Yahiko raised an eyebrow. "Try it," he said. It was clearly an order. "There are a few from Orochimaru's place who are getting very interesting - your brother among them, Itachi - Mr Pein would like to see us forging links with them." He looked at Kakuzu. "I'm concerned that we don't have more than just reputation to worry about here, though..."

In answer Kakuzu got out his own phone and wordlessly showed them all the picture he'd taken at the scene. Just glancing at it now made his stomach tighten with an echo of the rage he'd felt then. "The police have this," he said, "and I spoke to them immediately afterwards. I don't see how Asuma can press charges; Hidan clearly acted in self defence."

He was suddenly vividly reminded of Hidan forcing that knife towards Asuma's face, the intensity in his eyes; his intent absolutely clear. But he wasn't about to share that with anyone.

Fresh from his shower and feeling much better, Hidan paused a moment on the bottom step of a second staircase which opened straight onto the living room. He watched Kakuzu sipping his wine, interjecting intelligently into what Sasori was saying, idly spearing an olive on a cocktail stick. Fuck, he was so fucking sexy. But somehow he couldn't fit himself into the picture. Was he going to sit at Kakuzu's feet and make cow eyes at him? Like Kisame was doing with Itachi right now? Was he fuck! He just knew if he so much as opened his mouth in that company Itachi would take him apart with a few choice words and make him bluster like an idiot. Sasori would snigger meanly. Kisame would probably regret having been so friendly once he was privy to Itachi's opinion of him, and Kakuzu? His own voice, loud and accusatory, came ringing back to him 'you're fucking ashamed of me, aren't you Kakuzu,' - and he just couldn't shake off that feeling, despite everything that had happened since. He turned on his heel and went to join Dei, Zetsu and Tobi. Clearly theirs was the activity he was going to ace here.

Kakuzu looked up just in time to catch that look on Hidan's face again - Christ alive, you couldn't reassure the kid enough, could you? Well, he this was a conversation he needed to have and Hidan could just bloody well cope. But then he chanced to glance at Sasori as Sasori looked over at Deidara, locked in a sinuous Twister embrace with Tobi, and he knew he didn't want to be shooting Hidan glances like that in half an hour. Looking down at his phone he saw that he did have one bar of signal now. Good shower? he texted Hidan. Better if you'd been in it! came back to him faster than he'd've thought it possible to type. He chuckled, then remembering the company he was in, quickly tried to straighten his features. Have fun with 'the boys' he sent, and slipped his phone away again, turning his attention back to Kisame as, thank goodness, Yahiko headed back to the kitchen.

After Hidan joined in, the game of Twister didn't last very long. Some well placed pressure to the hamstrings soon brought Zetsu down, and despite Tobi's best efforts to bite him on the inner thigh, Hidan managed to evade this and subtly knee him in the face instead. It didn't quite bring him down, and he seemed to have some kind of joint hypermobility that was definitely giving him an advantage, but a quick kick to the shin as they went for a right foot on yellow did the trick. Tobi managed to drag Deidara down with him, so Hidan emerged victorious. Dei took a lot longer than he needed to extricate himself. He was clearly flirting pretty heavily with Tobi, who was lapping it up like a pussycat, but there was a bitter sort of undercurrent to it all.

"Why're you acting like such a fucking arse, Dei?" Hidan demanded as Tobi and Zetsu went back into the games room to see what else they could find, and Konan, who'd been working the spinner for them, went back to the kitchen to help Yahiko. "Sasori looks like he might fucking cry and you're going to make Tobi jizz in his fucking pants."

"Fuck Sasori!" Deidara spat. He jerked his head towards the older guys. "Ever since those two arrived he's been over there talking to Itachi. He knows how I feel, but does he fucking give a shit?! Hn!"

"Come on, what does it matter, man? Let him hang out with Itachi if he likes him..." Hidan kind of knew he was poking a hornet's nest with this, but Deidara's self-righteous anger was too comical to leave alone.

"The point is - he shouldn't fucking like him! It's fucking disloyal, yeah?!" Deidara's blue eyes flashed with anger.

"Itachi always makes me feel like a piece of shit too, but I'm not bitching to Kakuzu about it am I?" That made him think of Kakuzu, and he looked over at him. He could just see the top of his head over the back of his armchair and his hand resting on the arm, fingers drumming impatiently.

"Yeah, well, Kakuzu didn't watch him fucking take you apart at your first ever show. Kakuzu didn't listen to him tell everyone that your work was worthless crap he couldn't care about if he fucking tried. He fucking questioned my artistic integrity, man! It was one of the worst fucking experiences of my career, hn! And Sasori was there for all of it."

Hidan laughed as Deidara got more and more worked up. "Worse than when your entire degree show exploded before it had been assessed, huh? Seriously, Dei, take a fucking chill pill, man," he said. "Hey, maybe Zetsu's got something else that'll take the edge off!

Zetsu, hearing this, sidled over and proffered a joint. Deidara waved it away angrily. "No! I want to feel it! Hn! This is genuine fucking emotion and it shouldn't be suppressed. And my degree show was a blast! That was meant to happen!"

"Dei, man, you're being a fucking idiot," Hidan laughed infuriatingly. He got his phone out of his pocket and opened Kakuzu's last text. He wasn't able to suppress a satisfied smirk. Deidara growled. He snatched Hidan's phone and turned it off.

"Stop rubbing your perfect fucking love affair in my face, ok? Hmph!" he snapped.

"Alright, alright," Hidan took his phone back and put it in his pocket. "Keep your fucking hair on, ok? You're normally the one with the perfect fucking love affair, so suck it up, dude."

"Mph," said Deidara. He didn't engage with Hidan's observation, but shot another dark look towards Sasori, who frowned and looked away.

Over in the kitchen, Konan and Yahiko had everything ready for a light buffet supper, they'd taken almost everything through to the other room, but, both reaching for a stack of plates at the same time their hands chanced to touch, their eyes met, and they simultaneously reached the decision that supper could wait a few minutes more.

Yahiko slid a hand around Konan's waist and pulled her against him. Her body couldn't help but respond. She realised she'd been playing with her lip piercing with her tongue and stopped. A nervous bad habit - she could normally keep a lid on it. She looked up at him and in that moment he seemed so perfectly right and she wanted him so much that she couldn't think where any of her doubts were coming from. She was just stretching up to kiss him when suddenly there were footsteps in the doorway. They sprang apart.

"Anything I can do to help?" It was Sasori. He looked irritable and upset, but not so much as Yahiko did now; he picked up a large green salad and strode out of the kitchen without a word. Konan closed her eyes a moment. She knew how frustrated he could get, but she wished he'd give her credit for feeling the same.

"Thank you, Sasori," she said. "Would you take the plates through and tell everyone to help themselves." She grabbed her handbag from the kitchen table and slipped out of the side door into the garden. She needed a moment to herself, and a quick cigarette to calm herself down. She told herself she wouldn't even think about Yahiko until supper was over. After all, they had all night ahead of them.

Heading to the table with Deidara as Tobi and Zetsu brought a playstation out of the playroom and started to plug it into the television, Hidan took another opportunity to try and figure out what was going on with him. "You're so far out of his fucking league, man, it's not fucking fair!" he said, gesturing towards Tobi. "Do us all a favour and save yourself for his wet dreams, would you?!"

"Well, shit, you're one to talk, don't you think you'd be considered a little out of Kakuzu's league? Hm?"

"What?! Kakuzu's hot as fuck! What're you talking about?"

"Ah... ok!" Deidara's tone was one you might use to humour a dangerous lunatic. "Well maybe he's an acquired taste..."

"Yeah, like Sasori's limp dick, you mean?!" Hidan countered aggressively.

"Piss off, Hidan, I never even said that!"

"I don't see you fucking denying it though!"

"I'm not engaging, hn! You're so fucking puerile, Hidan!"

"Yeah, yeah. Doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure it out..."

"I'm not even dignifying that with an answer, hn!" Deidara grabbed a plate and started angrily serving himself potato salad. Hidan began to feel that a tactical retreat might be in order.

Seeing that Kisame was helping Itachi up and they were coming over to the table as well, he left Deidara to cool off and went and perched on the arm of Kakuzu's chair. He hadn't even moved yet and as he looked up at him Hidan could see unmistakable signs of tiredness around his eyes. He let himself slide down into his lap so they were both hidden from the others by the back of the chair.

"You want me to get you something?" he asked, tracing along deepened frown lines with his fingertips, trying to smooth them away.

Kakuzu put his arms around him and sighed, then smiled. "Aren't you sweet and thoughtful tonight?" he said, tucking a stray strand of Hidan's hair back into place where it had been ruffled during the game of Twister. "Yes. Do that, and then come back here and sit there to eat," - he pointed at the hearthrug at his feet - "because I want an acolyte too."

Hidan laughed and leant in to kiss him lightly on the mouth. "Alright, I'll be your acolyte," he said. "Though I think I should probably be the fucking priest, actually."

With something to eat and Hidan at his knee, Kakuzu felt better. He liked being able to touch Hidan's sleek grey head just by stretching out his fingers; the weight of his arm resting casually resting on his thigh felt right and comforting. Every now and then he'd turn to look up at him with some bizarre observation, or tip his head straight back just to make eye contact for a moment and Kakuzu felt at ease for the first time since they'd arrived. He wished they could just stay like that. And then maybe in a few minutes go up to bed together... But Hidan had barely finished eating when Zetsu and Tobi were calling him back over - they'd fired up some sort of karaoke game on the playstation.

"Hidan, we need you to come and sing 'Daddy Cool'," Deidara called over. "Clearly no-one else is going to do it justice!"

"He's crazy about his daddy, oh, he believes in him!" growled Tobi, appearing around the back of the chair.

Hidan gave him the finger, completely unabashed, laying his cheek against Kakuzu's knee. "What-the-fuck-ever, man, I don't care, I'll sing it," he said. 'But if that's fucking Singstar you've got there then you're going to have to give me some backing Dei!"

He got up in one fluid motion and went round to join them, then turned back a moment to lean over the back of Kakuzu's chair and give him the most obvious and lingering kiss he could manage, prompting squeals and wolf-whistles from Tobi and Zetsu. Then he even considerately took his plate back to the table for him before accepting a small plastic microphone and going over to the television.

Heart thumping, Kakuzu swallowed down embarrassment he'd clearly either have to swiftly get over or learn to live with. Was that a show for the boys, or just because Hidan felt like it? Or both? In an effort to avoid catching Kisame's eye - he was grinning widely and would probably be winking and giving him the thumbs up if given half a chance - he leaned around the wing of his armchair to watch Hidan with Deidara, who, realising now that he'd got himself onto the more compromising part, was trying to backtrack.

"Go on, Dei, sing it for Sasori!" Hidan was urging mercilessly. "She's crazy like a fool...!" he intoned invitingly, and he did just have the deep bass notes required. "Come on man, I'll even do the dance for you...!"

But at the mention of Sasori, Deidara flat out refused, and they had to go back to the menu. Sasori, clearly stung, got up and went to the kitchen to stack the dishwasher with military precision.

Kakuzu almost immediately started feeling incredibly tired again - the brief second wind bought with food and Hidan's unexpected sweetness was wearing off - and as Hidan and Zetsu made a valiant but ultimately cacophonous attempt to sing Bohemian Rhapsody, the headache that had been brought on by Yahiko's probing began to reassert itself. It was clearly time for bed. Itachi was already excusing himself, and Kakuzu was swift to follow suit. He looked over at 'the boys'. Their karaoke seemed to have some sort of competitive element - Hidan seemed to be doing better than Zetsu but not by an awful lot. Tobi and Deidara were howling along in the background from down on the floor (where their flirtation seemed to be moving up a level; Sasori, coming out of the kitchen, took one look and muttered something about going out to sketch the hill by moonlight).

They were still passing a spliff around, laughing, clearly having fun, it didn't seem like was much risk of being woken in a few hours to the news that Hidan was concussed/ choking on his own vomit/ in hypovolemic shock... He didn't want to break up the party, he told himself. Or was it a certain squeamishness about having another tender scene in front of the younger guys? He squashed that thought down. Anyway, he decided to slip quietly away, rather than go and say goodnight. "So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!" followed him up the stairs. "Oooooooh babyyyy, can't do this to me babyyyy!" - raucous laughter, a squeal from Deidara - "just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of heeeeeere!"

Safely in his little room he texted him. Gone to bed, first room on the right at the top of the stairs. A surprisingly pure "nothing really matters..." floated up from below him and he hesitated, then added an x, deleted it, then added it again and quickly sent the message while his nerve still held.

Lying in the narrow bed between cool clean sheets, the room bathed in the kind of black darkness that you could never achieve in the city; listening to muted laughter from downstairs and a reggae beat starting up that he vaguely recognised as 'I shot the Sheriff'; unable to keep from smiling as he recognised Hidan's voice in a high falsetto attempting a Jamaican accent that really did sound a lot more Southend-on-Sea, Kakuzu felt a calm happiness stir in him that he hadn't even really been aware he was lacking until Hidan came into his life. He drifted off to sleep contemplating this curiosity; something he'd never sought or expected, but which he sensed would now be very, very difficult to relinquish.