It was only when Kisame came over to join them that Hidan realised the room was quite a bit emptier than it had been. He handed his microphone to Tobi.
"Where's Kakuzu?" he asked Kisame.
"He went up to bed when Itachi did," Kisame said. "You OK?"
Hidan nodded, but suddenly nothing was as much fun.
Why hadn't Kakuzu even said goodnight? He suddenly realised he didn't even know where his room was. Tobi and Deidara started singing Eternal Flame, and normally he'd've been roaring along with them, but suddenly he wasn't feeling it anymore. He considered going upstairs and just yelling Kakuzu's name until he emerged, but that would look a bit fucking desperate, wouldn't it?
He hesitated, and his lost-boy look was too much for Kisame, who took his arm and brought him over with him to talk to Zetsu. "Come on, leave those idiots to it," he said.
Zetsu was now so fucking high that in Hidan's opinion they'd probably need a broom to get him off the ceiling before they could have any meaningful kind of conversation with him, but he rolled Kisame a joint and offered Hidan a weed cookie from a battered Charles and Diana commemorative biscuit tin.
"This is more your bag, right, Hidan?" Hidan took one and nibbled it disconsolately. "Hidan's body is a temple," Zetsu told Kisame. "He won't take in tobacco in any form - though he'll normally ingest pretty much anything else..."
"Well, good on you, Hidan," Kisame said, taking a deep drag on his joint. "We should all follow your example." God, he needed this. It had been a better week, with Itachi's health picking up, the new drugs kicking in - but it had also involved a lot of Sasuke. Itachi had had several almost civil phone conversations with him - and he hadn't been able to think of much else.
Zetsu leaned forward and peered quizzically at Hidan. "What's the matter with you, man?" He sounded almost concerned. "Are you... sober? What've you had to drink this evening?"
"Uh, I think I might've had a glass of wine before dinner..." A tactical error, but he realised it too late.
This is a solemn occasion!" Zetsu was already announcing to Tobi and Deidara, spliff held high. "Hidan is Not Wasted. Gentlemen, are we prepared to right this terrible wrong?" It seemed that they were.
"How'd you manage to play SingStar without being wasted, Hidan, hm?" Deidara demanded, thrusting a glass into his hand. "Haven't you got any shame?! Come on, catch up, hn!"
"He's living the clean life now!" Tobi exclaimed. "It must be Kakuzu's influence! He's got the boy off the booze!"
"Is it even really Hidan?" Zetsu asked, poking him lightly. "If he's not wrecked how can we actually be sure?"
"Fuck's sake," Hidan grumbled, taking a sip of his drink. "Well, this is fucking foul, what the fuck's in it?"
"Ooh, getting used to the finer things in life are we?" Tobi giggled. "Being Kakuzu's kept boy refining your tastes at last?"
"Yeah, Hidan, you normally drink any shit we put in front of you, hn."
"Alright, maybe when I'm already fucking wasted! And fucking watch your mouth, Tobes. Nobody's fucking keeping me!"
He took another sip to see if it was better than the first. It wasn't really.
"So Hidan," Tobi was saying. "How long can we expect this to go on? Are you a reformed character now? Going to be a sweet little housewife for your sugar daddy from now on, ay?"
"Fuck you," Hidan said tiredly. He wasn't in the mood for this now; the laddish behaviour and stupid fucking banter were stressing him out.
Well, maybe Kakuzu likes a bit of excitement," Zetsu suggested dreamily. "There's got to be another side to the guy..."
"Yeah, what's he like in the sack, man?" Tobi asked avidly. "Is he into any kinky shit?" Leather? Puppy play? He got you a butt plug with a tail yet?"
"Ah, Tobi, I'm not ready to share about all that just yet!" Hidan drawled, raising an eyebrow. He drained the rest of his drink just to get them off his back. "But I'll tell you one thing for free - he has a Really. Massive. Cock. Needless to say, it's much, much bigger than yours."
Deidara snorted with derisive laughter, elbowing Tobi in the ribs. "I don't even want to know how you know that, Hidan!" he smirked. "Is there a cock in this room you haven't seen?"
Hidan nudged Kisame with his foot. "I got an offer from this one, but the ship had sailed," he said.
Kisame, mellowed with weed, just shook his head indulgently. "You guys!" he said. "There's no need to make comparisons."
"Kakuzu's a bit old for you though, isn't he?!" Tobi just was not fucking dropping it. "It must be like, eighteen years!"
Even Zetsu joined in. "Yeah, man, that's a serious age gap. He's old enough to be your dad, man."
Hidan rolled his eyes. "Wow, you guys!" he said, an exaggeratedly camp tone barely masking his rising irritation. "He could actually be my dad! I never met the fucker, after all!"
"Oh, pass me a violin, someone!" Tobi crowed sarcastically. Clearly such bourgeois considerations as sensitivity and tact were not going to rein him in. "I expect that's where your daddy issues come from then!"
"Fuck's sake," Hidan continued in an angry growl, ignoring him, "Kakuzu's in better shape than any of you, you should be getting your fucking flabby arses down to the gym in shame rather than ragging me about screwing someone ten times as hot as you!"
"Ah, it must be love!" Tobi cooed delightedly. "Deidara, have you ever heard Kakuzu called 'hot' before?"
"Yeah - earlier this evening, by Hidan, hn! The man's delusional, but hey, this is Hidan - why are we surprised?" Dei was shaking his head as though in disbelief and clearly enjoying the opportunity to pay Hidan back for the things he'd said about Sasori earlier. Still, glancing over at him he felt it wise to change the subject before he got too worked up.
"Hey, come on Kisame, you haven't sung anything yet!" he said, handing him a microphone. "Winner stays on - you get to battle Tobi!"
As Kisame protested that he really wouldn't know anything and didn't they have anything from the 80s on here, Hidan slipped quietly towards the door.
He could feel his tension rising, rising, rising, until there was only one thing he could keep in his head. He felt in his pocket for the little pack of sterile blades he'd brought with him; he could feel the crimped edge of the foil packet and it made him a little calmer for just a moment to know it was there. He wandered into the kitchen, which was empty now. It didn't seem like anyone had missed him. The babble of conversation continued uninterrupted. Tobi and Kisame started singing Common People and the reference to St Martin's gave him a little spike of anger. Those fuckers. He leant on the work surface and brooded. Fucking Kakashi, after being all sweetness and light on Monday, to then drop him without even the common courtesy to call himself - just a curt voicemail from the admin team. Tearing open the pack, he slid out one of the folded papers and unwrapped the little shining scalpel blade. He pricked the tip of his thumb with it, wincing a little but relaxing as soon as the red bead of blood appeared; he put it to his mouth. Lifting his rosary to his lips as well, he tried to pray, but it wasn't enough, and the noise from the living room was too distracting.
He wandered outside and the night air felt pleasant and cool. It was romantically scented by some kind of flowering shrub and he could also faintly smell cigarette smoke; someone had been out here having a fag not long ago. Moving quietly through the darkness, he came across a small shrubbery and ducked under the low branches. The space underneath was dry and leafy and one of Konan's lanterns cast a little extra light. Sitting down cross-legged, he pushed up his sleeve and carefully inserted the very point of the blade - he went for the inside of his elbow this time, where a blood test would be taken. He didn't need to do more than prick the vein before blood was oozing out in a satisfyingly thick line; it looked completely black in the dim light. He felt better immediately and clenched and unclenched his fist to get it flowing faster. Lying down on the dry leaves, he let it trickle down his arm and drip down onto the ground. Holding his rosary against his mouth again, his head finally in the the right space, he began to pray.
Less than 20 yards away, past an arched yew hedge and a little lawn, Konan and Yahiko fucked with uncharacteristic abandon in the moonlight. Unnoticed, Sasori was sketching them, rather than the hill, and he felt a deep sense of melancholy weighing on him. He wasn't sure that he could make his relationship with Deidara as real as anything he made in his studio. This sketch in front of him now, for example, every line was conveying the kind of intimacy and passion that in the car on the way down Deidara had been accusing him of being unable to feel. He couldn't be sure now if he struggled to adequately express it, as he'd claimed, or if he truly wasn't feeling as intensely as he should be.
He'd noticed Hidan sloping into the shrubbery, too, but pretended to himself that he hadn't. He didn't want any responsibility for that kind of mess. But it made him think of the kind of intensity Hidan was able to summon so easily. The kind that made artists so avid to work with him. He'd wished for a while that Deidara wouldn't work so closely with Hidan, but he had to admit he'd've been glad to see them together now. It wasn't even as though he thought of Tobi as any kind of threat - more that he didn't like the side he brought out in Deidara, or the way Dei was rubbing Tobi's infatuation with him in his face. Far more hurtful than Deidara's pretended interest was simply the idea that Deidara wanted to hurt him. No charade was necessary.
As Sasori finished his drawing and began another, Konan, craving a post-coital cigarette, reached for her handbag and realised she'd left it on the terrace. She turned beseeching amber eyes on Yahiko. "Could you.."
"Alright, babe." He sat up and draped his jacket around her. "Can you hold out a minute or two? There's something I think I need to see to..."
"Is it Hidan?" Konan asked. "I thought I saw him vanish into the bushes - yes, you really should check. I wonder where Kakuzu is."
Hidan didn't want to get up now. He'd been done a while, to be honest, the urgency and the desperate need to be in communion with Jashin was sated, but he'd just been enjoying lying there, murmuring conversationally to the amulet on his rosary, feeling peaceful and at one with everything. Now that he was starting to be able to think straight again, however, he realised that he hadn't brought anything to clean up with, or, more crucially, anything to stop the bleeding. "Fuck," he murmured. "I'm such a fucking idiot."
Suddenly there was a rustling in the leaves next to him. "Hidan? Is that you under there? What are you doing in the bushes?"
"Who the fuck's asking?" Hidan drawled, lifting his head languidly.
Yahiko ducked under the laurel's outer branches and sat down beside him. "Jesus H Christ!" he said. "Of course I've seen Deidara's film, but, crap, it doesn't really prepare you for the real thing!"
Hidan struggled into a sitting position. "Dei would say that's because it isn't the same thing at all, ceci n'est pas une pipe and all that crap..." he said.
Yahiko handed him a clean handkerchief and watched a moment through slightly narrowed eyes as Hidan pressed it to his arm. "Look, I'd been hoping to have a little chat..." he murmured finally. "Now that you're officially one of the crowd... I think we should get to know one another a little better."
Hidan couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something a little weird about Yahiko. Was it that he didn't seem to give a shit about finding Hidan performing a blood ritual under a bush? Or that he thought directly after the aforementioned was a good time to start with the social small talk? It made him a little defensive from the outset.
"OK, so, what is all this Akatsuki crowd shit about anyway?" he said, an edge of aggression in his tone to try and counteract the slightly dazed and zoned state that doing a ritual always put him in. "Why do we have to be a crowd? What're you and Konan even trying to achieve?"
Yahiko gave a light laugh and raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you prickly! Well, alright then, in a nutshell, a monopoly of interest in all areas of the creative arts - not forgetting their subculture of sale and distribution! Artists, critics, collectors, muses - even musicians - we want a finger in every pie, to be in a position to make contacts quickly enough and recognise talent early enough to snap it up young."
Hidan must have been looking a little blank, as Yahiko moved on to the personal. "Take yourself and Kakuzu, for example; you work with an artist, that artist is made; Kakuzu buys an artist's work, that artist is made - or lets it go, and their value sinks like a stone - we've seen that in action just this week. Plus, you'll probably know who the most exciting models coming up after you are - give me a name!"
"Ah, OK… um... Suigetsu Houzuki is the one that stands out..." Hidan, taken by surprise, had to admit it - despite the kid having definitely ripped off his look.
"There you are - that's a name I've also heard from Kisame, who used to work with his older brother! Cross referencing from two guys I know are serious good quality in themselves! Starting to see how this works? You're also - working in art schools, like Sasori this time - in a position to tell me who the most promising students are before they graduate, and I know you've got a good eye because of the artists you choose to work with-"
"Uh, well. Until this week..." Hidan was getting a little freaked out now by just how close an eye this guy had clearly been keeping on him.
"Hm?" Yahiko questioned.
"I lost my gig at St Martin's because of the Asuma thing."
"Oh yes. Yes. Well, that's another thing. We need to sort that out, but don't worry, we've got everyone we need to do it right here. Now you're with us you don't need to worry at all."
"I'm not fucking worried!" Hidan said defiantly, but Yahiko went on as if he hadn't spoken.
"So, with all this in place, we bring in the best artists in every medium, and the petty wrangling and oneupmanship between commercial galleries will be a thing of the past, as will the dominance of the big collectors, and real talent will be all that's needed to succeed."
"Uh, ok," said Hidan, slowly. "Big collectors - except Kakuzu; and you guys get to decide what the real talent is...?"
"Well obviously," said Yahiko.
Hidan began to wonder if Yahiko was quite sane. The fact that there didn't seem to be any point arguing about it - a sense that this guy's opinions were not going to change no matter what you said - was a definite indicator that there was something off here. But, hey, cool, he was on the inside of all this... still...
"One thing I've been meaning to talk to you about," Yahiko was continuing ominously, "Fashion. We're going to need you to fully get on board. I know-" he held up a forestalling hand as Hidan tried to interrupt, "and Kakuzu's told me all about how you prefer the art scene, but we don't have enough influence in the fashion world yet and you are ideally placed. A mere model won't do - we need someone like you; a muse. So, you do need to do shows, and you do need to work closely with designers. Specifically Yugito Nii, right now - Konan and I both think she's the one to watch out of the current crop from the London College of Fashion."
Hidan looked up at him in alarm. "Man, no!" he said. "I hate it, seriously. And Yugito's fucking nuts - she tried to fucking burn me last time we met!"
"At Deidara's opening? Yes, well, she was understandably upset, but she's actually still very keen to work with you. It'll be a good counterpoint to the Comme des Garçons campaign - she's very much on the art side of fashion. She's showing at Mens Fashion week in June, so you'll make your catwalk debut then."
"And if I don't want to?" Hidan's voice was mutinous.
"Well, we can stall your career ourselves. We can bring Suigetsu in - but we'd much rather have you." Yahiko's words were light and careless, and it took a moment for their meaning to filter into Hidan's brain. When it did he was speechless for a moment. You didn't need to do that! his brain was screaming at Yahiko, how the fuck about just fucking asking nicely before you start with the fucking coercion!
"K-Kakuzu wouldn't do that!" he stammered, hating himself immediately for showing any kind of weakness, and Yahiko smiled with something that looked horribly like pity.
"Kakuzu doesn't have any influence over your sphere!" he explained kindly, as if to a child. "That's far more Itachi and Sasori's area of expertise. And, for example, if Deidara was persuaded not to work with you any more... you get the picture? Plus, did you know Mr. Pein owns the agency you're signed with?"
Hidan was speechless again, so Yahiko carried lightly on. "But we're getting off the point. The one really likely to be damaged by this Asuma affair isn't you anyway - it's Kakuzu. Do you want to let that happen?"
"Ah fuck you!" Hidan could hardly believe this was happening, but he couldn't see any way out. If only Kakuzu was here - he didn't know how the fuck to handle this!
"I can sort it out, but I won't be able to without you on board."
Hidan's mouth felt dry and he was suddenly desperate to be away from Yahiko, to be able to just stop thinking about all of this horrible shit. "Fine," he spat. "I'll do the fucking fashion - I was going to do it anyway, since Kakuzu thought it was the right move. But fuck you so much for this. Really. You're a total cunt, you know that?"
Yahiko laughed. "Yes, I know. Good decision. I'll be in touch with the details as soon as we're back in London. You know, I hate to put pressure on you like this, but when Nagato Pein wants something, if I have to be a cunt to achieve it, then that's what I'll be."
"Well, fuck him too then." Hidan got slightly unsteadily to his feet. "I'm going inside. Maybe you should just fuck off for a while, until I've stopped wanting to actually kill you."
"Noted." Yahiko laughed again. "I've got something else I need to do out here, actually."
"Someone else to be a cunt to?"
"You're warm, but not quite..."
Yahiko set off across the dark lawn, whistling what sounded like the refrain from George Michael's 'Careless Whisper', and Hidan set off back to the house.
"Shoulda known better than to cheat a friend, and waste the chance that I've been given," he sang morosely as it lodged itself irremovably in his own head, trying to kid himself that he didn't feel utterly crushed and used. "So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I dance with you-ou-ouuuu..."
"How does Hidan know our song?" Konan murmured softly as Yahiko slid back down beside her and passed her her cigarettes. "Surely he's too young..."
"George Michael, darling," Yahiko reminded her. "Gay icon and all that."
"Oh yes," she said quietly. "I hadn't thought of that." When she and Yahiko had danced to it as eleven year olds at the year 7 icebreaker disco back in 1984, she hadn't had a clue anyway. It had just been a 'slow dance', and they'd held each other and swayed, feet shuffling around on the scuffed floor of the sports hall of their Merthyr Tydfil comprehensive. She'd felt Nagato's eyes on them, and also those of their art teacher Jiraiya come to that, who'd left Merthyr the next year to go back to London and pursue a literary career, devastating all three of them. But none of it had seemed to matter then, the way it did now. In what turned out to be an unusual point of certainty in her life, the way she and Yahiko had felt about each other ever since seemed to have been cemented.
She put a cigarette between her lips and slowly inhaled as Yahiko cupped his hands around it and lit it for her.
"I hate doing Nagato's shit for him," he was saying, laying his head in her lap. "That poor crazy kid."
"Hidan?" she asked. "Oh he'll be alright. He's got Kakuzu to look after him now." She parted her thighs slightly as Yahiko began trailing kisses along them, then a bit more, giving him full access, lying back and drawing luxuriously on her cigarette as his tongue slid between her outer labia and fluttered over her clit - was there any better combination than this?
"Trying to attract all the feline ladies in the Slad Valley, Hidan," Deidara asked cattily as Hidan appeared in the doorway, pausing there a moment for maximum dramatic impact.
"Fuck you, Dei," he said. It was just a reflex, really, though. He felt so disoriented and sated and kind of drained that he wasn't able to imbue the words with any real aggression. Letting go of the doorframe, he swayed into the room; Kisame jumped up and caught his arm.
"You OK, kid?" he asked, for the second time that evening. He wasn't sure if it was something to do with what had happened on Monday night, but he felt almost as if he had a duty to look out for Hidan now. And he was wide-eyed and ashen-faced, and - Kisame looked down at where his fingers were now slightly stuck to Hidan's skin - quite distinctly bloodied. What the hell could've happened?
Deidara, catching his horrified look, said casually, dismissively even, "Oh, he's just been doing his blood thing again, he's fine."
Kisame didn't think he really could be fine, but he was pretty wrecked himself now, the joint he'd let Zetsu give him had been surprisingly strong and he'd tried one of the cookies too. On top of drinking pretty heavily all evening as well he just couldn't think what to do. Zetsu came over and decided Hidan clearly needed the restorative properties of weed. He put his own joint to Hidan's lips and Hidan obediently took a long drag, tobacco and all, pliant and unresisting. Tobi got him another drink. It didn't quite seem like quite the right course of action to Kisame but the world was pulsing in and out of focus now - one moment everything seemed incredibly close and overwhelming, crowding around him, the next everything was distant, seeming so far away it was almost as if it was in the past. Still holding Hidan's arm, he staggered towards the armchair Itachi had been sitting in earlier, and they collapsed down into it together. Hidan seemed to have a miraculous facility for keeping his drink upright, like some kind of alcoholic gyroscope - he took a sip of it, then offered Kisame one.
"Ugh," said Kisame. "What the hell is this,"
"Don't fucking know, man," Hidan drawled. "It tastes a bit minty, doesn't it..?"
Is it absinthe? thought Kisame wildly. Shit, I don't need to start hallucinating now!
Hidan was still drinking it though. Kisame thought he'd probably consume anything you put in his hand in this state. You could probably do anything to him, and Kisame didn't doubt that people frequently had, given that he had a reputation for getting himself like this every night of the week. Not last week, though, he reminded himself. Every day last week he'd seen him rock up to Kakuzu's house at some point in the early evening and not come out again...
Tobi and Deidara flopped down opposite them, Zetsu draped himself over the pouffe. For a moment everything seemed hilarious. Hidan was half in Kisame's lap, one arm around his neck but strangely asexual seeming - possibly because he was clearly not in the slightest bit aroused himself. Kisame couldn't quite claim the same, if he was honest. Tobi seemed to have his hand halfway into Deidara's trousers, whispering something in his ear; Deidara was squirming away from him, but flushed and giggling, Zetsu watched everything with an air of detached fascination. Then all of a sudden Sasori was standing there. He didn't say anything, but his eyes met Deidara's and he held his gaze a moment.
Fleetingly, it almost seemed like everything could be alright. There was a sense from Deidara of being ready to come out of the ridiculous sulk he'd been in all evening, Kisame could see his eyes actually light up at seeing Sasori despite his compromising position. But as he started to extricate himself Sasori turned on his heel and walked right back out without a word.
Deidara finished disentangling himself from Tobi and jumped up. "Sasori!" His tone was anguished.
He ran out of the room after him; they could hear him calling Sasori's name repeatedly, then there was a moment of silence. None of them expected the most almighty screaming match that started up the next second. Hidan and Kisame looked at each other in surprise. The normally reserved Sasori was giving as good as he got.
Suddenly Kisame felt a little clearer-headed. "I think it's your bedtime, kiddo," he said to Hidan. "Come on - let's get you up". Tobi and Zetsu helped to haul him to his feet and all four of them started to stagger up the stairs; Hidan on his hands and knees by the time they reached the top.
As they all piled into the little bathroom that the bunk room and the twin room shared, Kisame suddenly decided that what he needed was a shower. Hidan flopped down into a white wicker chair as though his simple presence in the bathroom would get him ready for bed, and Zetsu started brushing his teeth with extreme thoroughness. Tobi peered out of the little window, trying to see what was going on in the garden. After a moment he came and sat on the edge of the bath, then with no warning at all whipped his dick out and started enjoying himself.
"Fuck's sake Tobi!" Hidan protested. "It's not the fucking steam room at the gym!"
"It is quite steamy, though, Hidan," Tobi said innocently. "How about taking your top off...?"
"Fuck off, man," Hidan said, taking another slurp of his drink, which somehow he'd managed to bring upstairs with him. "I'm not your fucking visual aid."
"Well, you sort of are," Tobi grunted, "Since Deidara's not here now. It would be even better if you got your dick out too..."
"Not happening, Tobes." Hidan looked at his arm, which had opened up again and was bleeding sluggishly whenever he moved it. He knew he should put some pressure on it, but he quite liked watching it bleed. He licked the blood off his forearm - it tasted extra metallic against the sticky aniseed flavour of the mystery drink. He could hear Tobi fapping away even harder, but kept his eyes averted. He'd never really liked the look of Tobi's cock - it was one of those with a weirdly big head.
Kisame emerged majestically from the shower in a cloud of steam and wrapped a towel around his hips. Noticing that Zetsu was still doing his teeth, he went to try and stop him. "Man, I think you're all clean now, OK?"
"I jst cnt rmrmr ff I did th tp ns" Zetsu said.
"Yeah, man, you did them all," Hidan called over helpfully. "You definitely did them all. About ten times now..."
Looking round, Kisame noticed what Tobi was up to. "Ah fuck..." he said, in a tone of mingled disgust and resignation, shaking his head, but he left it at that, shepherding Zetsu out of the door. There was a limit to how much one could play the good Samaritan in one evening.
The vacant sink reminded Hidan what he was in the bathroom for, and he drained the last of his drink and got up to brush his own teeth. He borrowed Zetsu's toothpaste - he'd been in too much of a rush to pack his own, and had of course assumed he'd be able to use Kakuzu's.
After maybe a minute he heard a creaking of floorboards and then felt Tobi grinding up against him. He hastily spat out a mouthful of toothpaste. "Tobi, you're a fucking menace!" he protested. He turned around, fully expecting Tobi to immediately back off, but found himself getting intimately grabbed instead, and Tobi was surprisingly strong. "Hey!" He was getting angry now, despite his tractable state. "Hey, I get that you're wasted man, but this is a bit much, OK?!"
Tobi completely ignored his protests and within a second he found his fly being unzipped and his cock getting hauled out. "Hey!" he said again, trying to get Tobi's hands off him. "I thought you were into Deidara - stop it, OK!" Sterner now. "Stop it, Tobi! I will fucking punch you in the face!"
"Come on, Hidan, don't be shy!" Tobi wheedled. "I can't do this to Deidara..."
"So why the fuck can you do it to me! Are you saying I'm some kind of trash you can mess around with?! Dei too fucking precious?" he forced Tobi's hand away from his crotch.
"Ah, no Hidan, I didn't mean it like that! I just mean... you know I don't want to rush things with him... You've taken my mind off him before - I thought you might be up for some fun!"
It was true - in the last few months, before he met Kakuzu, he hadn't really been the best at saying no to anyone. They'd never actually fucked, but they must've got each other off a good few times after shows and in grimy studio complex toilets, fuelled by booze, kebabs and coke. But now was different, and, "Well, I'm not, OK?" he said. "I'm-" - he groped for words. 'I'm partnered now' was what he clearly meant, but just couldn't get it off his tongue, and - "I'm feeling fucking rushed right now, Tobes," he said instead, "so lay off, alright?"
Tobi still wasn't getting it though. He rummaged in his trouser pocket at came out with a little plastic bag of white powder. "I've got something to take the edge off if it'll help," he offered.
"Fuck, Tobi!" Hidan exclaimed. "No no no no no! I'm not up for it! What don't you fucking understand about fucking 'stop it'?! And that shit puts the edge on, not off, anyway!"
He was starting to think he really would have to hit him when, fortuitously, Kisame came past the open door on his way back from putting Zetsu to bed. He made frantic 'help me out here' gestures at him, and Kisame rose to the occasion.
"Oi, Tobi, too far, man, too far!" He came into the bathroom and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Do you want to Kakuzu to throw you across a room? No? Well, that's what'll happen, man, I'm serious."
Reluctantly, Tobi let go off Hidan and let Kisame steer him away. Hidan rinsed his mouth and splashed water on his face. He felt that he'd caught an odd look in Tobi's eye at that last moment - steely and hard, not the usual vapid idiocy.
He found some cotton wool in Kisame's spongebag, as well as some weird tape that he assumed was extreme sport-related, and set about sorting out his arm. Two minutes, Kakuzu had said, so he pressed down hard and tried to count the seconds but soon got lost. It was easier to imagine he was holding a two minute pose - so he went down into a squat on his tiptoes and pretended he was back in life class.
When he felt the familiar dull ache starting up in his ankles he taped the piece of cotton wool carefully down and, feeling suddenly exhausted, went across to the bunk room where Zetsu was already fast asleep and Tobi was safely tucked up in the top bunk. "Night, Tobi," he said, then stripped to his boxers and slid into the little bed. Clicking off the bedside lamp, he tried to settle down, but he was possibly a little on the heavy side for the bed and the springs kept poking him uncomfortably. And he still didn't know where Kakuzu was, and it was bothering him. Tobi swiftly fell asleep - he could tell by his breathing, but Hidan continued to toss and turn.
After about a quarter of an hour of this, he suddenly heard swift feet in the corridor outside, then people climbing up the second flight of stairs. Tense sounding conversation. Had Dei and Sasori managed to sort out their differences? A few moments of silence, then creaking like bedsprings. Was he going to have to listen to make-up fucking now? But no. More tense murmurs.
Then shouting started up again. Hidan sat up. He couldn't believe Zetsu and Tobi were sleeping through this, but they didn't stir. He could hear other people moving about though, a door opening and closing quietly. He got up and went and opened their own door, and suddenly felt so sick for Kakuzu he almost went out to look for his room right away, But he could hear Deidara's voice clearly now - he was almost screaming with rage, and he paused a minute to listen.
"Fine, fuck you then, Sasori! Fuck you!" There was the crunching sound of a doorknob turning up above him.
"Deidara wait!" Now it was Sasori's turn to be the one pleading and following.
"No, if that's how it makes you feel - or not feel, should I say! - then fuck it. Fuck you, hn!"
What the fuck could they be arguing about? Hidan wondered. Not much besides art got Dei that worked up.
"Deidara, I'll try again, it's just-"
"No, if you don't want to what's the fucking point. Like you said, obviously there are people here who do want, and you can't fucking take that, can you? Hn!"
Hidan couldn't make out Sasori's reply but the next moment the door was slamming, there were hectic footsteps on the stairs, and then Deidara was storming down the corridor towards him like a vortex of rage.
After a good five minutes of sitting cross-legged on Hidan's bed and seething, Deidara was finally ready to talk. "I don't know why I'm fucking doing this, Hidan, yeah?" he said. He tossed Tobi's deodorant, which he'd found on the floor, from hand to hand. "He's always criticising me, hm? Nothing I do is good enough for him. And he's never affectionate in any way. He won't even touch me in public. You don't know how lucky you are, man!"
"What the fuck are you on about?" said Hidan. "Kakuzu's not exactly Mr. fucking Touchy-Feely in public!" But if he thought about it, had he ever seen Sasori touch Deidara? And yet they were so fucking obviously a couple... How did that work? He frowned, trying to think what it was about them that tipped you off if it wasn't physical contact.
"Yeah, think about it, hn." Deidara said bitterly. "Think about the stuff you just take for granted."
The little touches, that guiding hand in the small of his back or at his elbow, the way he had of checking him over. It was all stuff he'd never seen Sasori do. "OK, man, well, fuck that then!" he said. "He'd better fucking make up for it in private!"
"Yeah right!" Dei looked even more dejected. "Well, he doesn't really like to top... in fact, he's not really interested in anal at all..."
"Ah, fuck..." Hidan knew enough about Dei's preferences to recognise that this wasn't quite such an insurmountable problem as it would be for him, but still...
"Well, that's OK, I prefer oral most of the time anyway. Or whatever, hn! I'm happy to get him off any way he likes! It's just... there's not a massive amount of getting me off involved..."
"So, won't he blow you?" Hidan asked bluntly.
"Well he'll start," Deidara said darkly. He paused. "He does like kissing and cuddling - in private. He likes me to touch him, and he really likes me to touch myself..." He trailed off unhappily. "I don't fucking know, Hidan. He can be pretty passive. I feel like I'm doing everything, and half the time I don't even know who I'm doing it for, do you know what I mean?"
"Uh," said Hidan. "Sort of, I guess..."
Deidara looked sharply at him. "Don't fucking tell me! You're having a fucking ball with Kakuzu aren't you? He fucking you til your eyes roll back night and day? Hm?"
"Something like that.." Hidan had to agree. Seeing Dei so dejected he added, "But on the other hand, I bet Sasori didn't try to chuck you out of the car on the fucking motorway and then punch the living daylights out of the fucking steering wheel."
A little gleam did come back into Deidara's eye at that. "Oh yeah, hn, Sasori always says Kakuzu's got pretty serious anger issues. You ok?"
Oh fuck yeah, of course I am, it's not like he hit me, man!" Hidan found himself getting defensive on Kakuzu's behalf.
"He always seems so calm, hn," Dei was saying, "I can't imagine him angry, except that it would probably be fucking scary..."
"I guess he bottles it up," Hidan said. He didn't really like the idea of Sasori criticising Kakuzu behind his back. Didn't really want to talk it over with Deidara either, even if it was obviously making him feel better. He just really wanted Kakuzu actually - Kakuzu and his calmness or his anger - he found he didn't really think of them as separate states. It was all just Kakuzu and he fucking loved it all.
But; "He fucked off to bed without even saying goodnight," he added, suddenly thinking of it again. "You'd probably fucking leave Sasori for that, wouldn't you?"
"Sure he didn't send you some cute text like earlier," Deidara rubbed his eyes, adding, "Sasori has fucking never sent me a cute text."
"No, I'd've felt it."
"Yeah, I turned your fucking phone off, you retard."
Deidara yawned and lay down, tracing patterns on the sloping ceiling with his fingertips. "Tobi keeps coming on to me," he said suddenly.
"Yeah, I fucking noticed!" Hidan exclaimed, getting his phone out of his pocket and turning it on. "Wasn't that what started your little tiff in the fucking first place!" Fuck Dei. Really, really fuck him for this. Yes, fucking hell, Kakuzu had fucking texted him. Now he felt like a fucking idiot.
"No, that was Sasori being fucking glued to Itachi all evening," Deidara was correcting him peevishly, yawning again.
"Oh," said Hidan. "I thought it was you being glued to Tobi. I must be fucking naive, huh?"
"Do you think he's cute?"
"I think he's a fucking psycho, Dei!"
"Aw, he's kinda sweet, no?"
"He was fucking grinding his dick up against me while I was doing my teeth! Non-consensually! So I'm not going to fucking agree with you there."
Deidara widened his eyes a little at that. "Really?"
Hidan glowered at him. "There fucking there, I'm sure he likes you more! Fuck's sake Dei."
Deidara didn't really seem troubled by it though. He let his eyes drift closed and pulled Hidan's duvet over him. "Whatever, hn," he murmured sleepily. "Maybe we can get Kakuzu to give Sasori some pointers..."
"Yeah, like don't have a fucking limp dick," Hidan snorted with laughter.
"Yeah, fuck you, hn..." He was barely awake now, though, and Hidan switched off the bedside lamp.
"Night, Dei," he said quietly, and slipped out of the door.
It was seriously dark in the passage and almost immediately he nearly tripped over some unidentifiable obstacle. He swore loudly. Did Kakuzu mean the stairs they'd come up together? Or the ones he'd come down? Fuck, he'd got so disorientated he couldn't figure out which was in which direction anyway. Had Kakuzu actually been vague on purpose to mess with him? He hesitated, hand on the knob of the last door and suddenly felt it turning from the inside. He snatched his hand off as it it had scalded him and hastily stepped back. The next second Yahiko stepped out and nearly walked right into him.
They were almost exactly the same height so for a moment they were completely face to face, both slightly dismayed, no idea how to play this after how things had gone down earlier.
Hidan had been moving backwards anyway, and carried on in that direction, nearly stumbling into the yawning black void of the staircase. Yahiko, for whom taking charge was second nature, gripped him by the forearm just in time. "Hey, steady on," he said.
"Shit!" Hidan yelped reflexively, at the same time.
"Are you all right?" Yahiko asked. "What are you doing down this end of the house?"
"Uh..." Hidan said, wrong-footed by Yahiko's proprietary air and utter lack of acknowledgment of the fucked-upness of their last encounter. "Where are the fucking other stairs, man?"
"You've gone the wrong way!" Yahiko laughed. He turned Hidan around and gave him a little push in the right direction and he stumbled onwards, cursing - under his breath now - as his foot snagged on the edge of a rug and he bumped his shoulder painfully hard into another doorframe. Then he really did trip over something. Something large and warm which unfurled itself and groped after him as he sprawled headlong down the corridor, very luckily missing both walls. "Fuck! he gasped. "What the shitting fuck is it now?!"
'It' was Kisame. "Hidan?" he said, his voice thick with drowsiness. He'd been leaning against the wall outside the room he was sharing with Itachi. When he'd gone to bed earlier he'd tossed and turned and utterly failed to get to sleep until Itachi had started to stir too. He'd got really paranoid about waking him; he knew he really wouldn't forgive himself if he disturbed him, so he'd decided to wait outside until he was in a deeper sleep again. And to give himself the chance to calm down. He was feeling edgy and jumpy and so fucking horny. But maybe he had actually all but dropped off - he'd managed to miss the commotion further up the hall anyway. He flicked on his lighter and Hidan, who by chance had been looking right at it, was momentarily blinded.
"Hidan, you crazy fool, what are you up to?" Kisame asked.
Hidan dropped his head back onto the carpet. "I fucking give up!" he announced. "This whole weekend blows already. Deidara's in my fucking bed and everywhere I go people are leaping out at me like fucking Swiss clockwork, it's doing my fucking head in!"
Kisame laughed. "Hey, it's only Friday night," he said soothingly, trying to help him up. "Don't write off the whole weekend yet!" But Hidan had made himself like a sack of wet cement and was immovable.
"I'm sleeping here man," he announced. "There's nothing for me anywhere else, I've been everywhere in this fucking house and this fucking patch of shag pile is the best thing I've found."
"I'm sure Kakuzu would be sorry to hear that!" Kisame patted his shoulder encouragingly. "He's just next door - don't give up now!"
Hidan raised his head a little and looked at Kisame, a tiny amount of hope dawning in otherwise comically tragic eyes. "I'll never make it," he claimed.
"Look, I'll come and turn the doorknob for you, shall I?" Kisame offered. That good deed done, maybe he'd finally be able to get some sleep...
Kakuzu stirred as Hidan draped himself carefully half over his chest in a bid not to fall out of the bed. "Hey..." he murmured sleepily. "Missing me already?"
"You don't know what time it is!" said Hidan in an accusatory tone, even as he nuzzled into the crook of Kakuzu's shoulder. "Or how much shit I've had to deal with since then!"
"True." Kakuzu agreed. "I'm willing to bet you don't either, for what that's worth..." He slid his arm under Hidan and wrapped it firmly round him to keep him in the bed.
"Which is not fucking much!" Hidan closed his eyes and gave himself a moment to just enjoy the feeling of Kakuzu's chest rising and falling under him; the way it vibrated with a bass rumble when he spoke; the calm slow thump of his heart beating. And the warmth of him - he only realised now that he was actually pretty cold. He wedged his feet onto Kakuzu's calf muscle and Kakuzu endured it uncomplainingly as he'd known he would.
He nearly drifted off to sleep then, but suddenly the events of earlier in the evening pinged back fresh into his mind and he opened his eyes.
"Kakuzu?"
"Yes, Hidan?"
There was about half a second when he considered not telling him, but then he was just blurting it out.
"I think I just got blackmailed."
"Hm?" Kakuzu was still half asleep. Then, brain catching up with what he'd just heard; "What? What?!" He levered himself up so that he was propped on one elbow, nearly tipping Hidan out of the bed. He flung an arm over him and hauled him back. "Who the bloody hell-?" he asked.
"Mr Pein's PA," Hidan said with arch distaste. He didn't even want to say Yahiko's name.
The growing anger in Kakuzu's eyes was suddenly joined by a knowing kind of wariness. "Oh Hidan," he said. "You know, love, I think he's got something over all of us. God. I didn't think it would happen to you or I'd never have brought you here. I was clearly naive - I'm so sorry." He smoothed Hidan's hair away from his face. "What's he holding over you? I didn't think he had enough influence in your sphere."
"You." Hidan's voice was small.
"Oh, sweetheart." He hadn't even thought of that. It simply hadn't occurred to him, the force of habit of years of solitude, that someone else's trouble could be yours in a heartbeat if you cared enough about them. Yahiko, of course, had seen it instantly. For a moment he didn't trust himself to speak. He took Hidan's hand, between them on the pillow, stroked his palm, kissed his fingertips one by one.
"He said you're the one who'll be damaged by this Asuma shit." Hidan's voice was still tight with shame, but less tiny now. "And he can sort it out but he won't be 'able to' if I don't do the fashion crap he wants me to. Is it true? Can they damage you?"
Kakuzu swallowed. "Look," he said, evading the question. "I don't want you to feel you have to do this-"
"That's a yes, then."
Kakuzu smiled. Really, Hidan wasn't as dumb as Sasori thought...
"I already told him I'd do it. I said I'd already decided to anyway."
"Listen love. You don't have to. Look, OK, it is true. But, we don't have to be part of this. Any time you want out, we can get out, alright?
"Really?"
"I'm not saying it will be easy - we'll clearly both take a hit professionally. But that's not to say it can't be done."
"Alright." Hidan said. "When we want to. But we can let them sort our shit out first, right?" He closed his eyes, feeling better. It was in Kakuzu's hands now... He started to relax, and nearly fell out of the bed again. That reminded him...
"Deidara and Sasori have had a fight..." he told Kakuzu.
"Oh..?" Kakuzu said leadingly.
"Yeah; about sex." Hidan replied.
"I see," said Kakuzu. "Dear, dear."
A pause, then, "So, where's Deidara now?"
"In my bed."
"Well, why didn't you say! Come on, then!"
"Huh?"
"Time to turf Sasori out of that double!"
"Oh, burn! You are fucking cold, aren't you, you sexy bastard!"
It was a distinct possibility that Sasori would never speak to either of them again, Kakuzu mused, ten minutes later, spooning around a sleeping Hidan in a king size bed. But it felt so absolutely worth it. And as he'd pointed out to Sasori, adversity and a common foe would probably work wonders for the speed of his reconciliation with Deidara. They'd probably done them a favour, all things considered...