Well, here we are... Kakuzu and Hidan start exploring a few of their niche interests - let me know how you find it!

It wasn't even quite 7am when they were disturbed by a curt rapping on the door and Sasori and Deidara appeared, stony eyed. Hidan emerged from the covers, tousle haired and bleary. "Oh, hey, we've got company!" he observed. "What fucking time it it?"

Deidara stomped into the room. "I can't believe you, hn!" he raged at Hidan. "How could you take advantage of me like that! I trusted you!"

"Bullshit!" Hidan declared. He was laughing so much he could hardly get the words out. "Dei, man, you fucking fell asleep in my bed! What the fuck d'you expect? Anyway, it was Kakuzu's idea!"

"Look, I'm sorry," Kakuzu said. "Of course we'll clear out now. But there was simply no way we were both going to fit into my bed. Hidan had to sleep somewhere, Deidara!" He was pretty embarrassed, to be honest. In the cold light of day, without the bad influence that was Hidan by his side, he'd never have dreamed of turfing a fellow guest out of their bedroom. He had a sudden over-vivid memory of saying, "you can have it back when you can show me you have a use for it," to Sasori... Christ. Whatever had got into him? He glanced at Hidan, still laughing, utterly unabashed at being walked in on almost entirely naked in what was technically someone else's bed. Kakuzu himself, thank goodness, was wearing a lovely and dignified pair of striped silk pyjamas; Hidan, however, clearly had an aversion to any kind of nightwear.

"Seriously, guys, lighten up! You two little pixies probably fitted in Kakuzu's bed just fucking fine!" Hidan was throwing fuel to the fire. He flung his arms wide. "I don't know why you even bothered to come and hassle us! But since you're here - come and join us? We can all have some fun together! What do you say?"

"Hidan!" Kakuzu said repressively. "Enough, now!"

Hidan turned to him, eyes alight with mischief although he was doing his best to look innocent. "I'm only trying to help! Sasori could use a few tips apparently..."

Hearing this, Deidara launched himself at Hidan, spitting with rage, "Shut up, shut up, what's your fucking problem, hn!"

Hidan fended him off, curling against Kakuzu for protection. "Okay, okay, sorry Dei!" He called over to Sasori, "I made it all up, Sasori, man, don't mind me, Deidara never said you had a limp d-"

Kakuzu clamped a hand over his mouth and pulled him bodily out of the bed. "Don't you think Sasori and Deidara have suffered enough," he said. "Come on. We're going."

Back in the little single room after a quick trip to the bathroom, Hidan made a beeline for the bed. Kakuzu had other ideas. Grabbing him around the waist, he twitched him around to face the chest of drawers instead and pressed him against it, thrusting hard against him, slipping a hand into his boxers.

"You really have been misbehaving," he growled into his ear as he reached around to grasp his cock, and he was quite surprised by the extent of Hidan's arousal at his words - the hard evidence was in his hand and getting harder all the time. Interesting. Perhaps not entirely unexpected...

"And God only knows what you got up to last night," he continued, warming to his theme, easing Hidan's boxers down with his other hand and getting his own cock out to slide it against him. "Do you want to tell me? Hm?"

"Seriously," Hidan gasped. "I was a fucking angel, I don't know what you're talking about." He twisted around to look into Kakuzu's face, biting his lip, hair over his face, breathing fast, everything about him such a turn on that Kakuzu growled again with simple lust. Hidan wriggled all the way round in his arms so that their cocks were thrusting together, then stretched up so that his mouth was right against Kakuzu's.

"None of it was my fault," he whispered, punctuating his story with little hot, urgent kisses, "Zetsu got me- wasted on his fucked up weed cookies, and- Tobi and Deidara made me drink something- fucking foul that tasted like aniseed-"

"Mm, you still taste a bit of aniseed," Kakuzu agreed, kissing him more deeply, "did you even brush your teeth?"

"Oh fuck, maybe not as well as I could've, because while I was trying to, fucking Tobi was totally doing what you were just up to now, only with him it was creepy as fuck; Kisame had to haul him off me-"

"Christ, I'm going to fucking kill him!" Kakuzu interjected.

"-and all I fucking wanted to do was find you but Dei turned my phone off so I didn't even know where you were."

"Mmm-hm," Kakuzu murmured, holding him tighter, the sudden spike of anger evaporating. "You want to show me just how glad you are to be with me now?"

"Fuck yes!" Hidan breathed, sliding down to his knees, still pressed hard against Kakuzu, so that his cock trailed a line of precum up Hidan's taut abs before bouncing up into his face. Kakuzu stepped back a little to give him room to move, gripping the edge of the chest of drawers as Hidan sucked him in deep. He wondered fleetingly if Deidara and Sasori were up to something similar right now; he really would have to ask Hidan - when he didn't have his mouth full - if Sasori actually did have the erectile problems he kept hinting at...

After that there wasn't a lot of opportunity for coherent thought. Damn it, Hidan was good at this, and Kakuzu let himself relax, putting himself entirely in Hidan's hands for a moment. Then another moment. And a few minutes like that was all it took before he realised that he was seconds from coming and oh, he wasn't ready for that yet! He hadn't had nearly enough of Hidan to get him through what was bound to be a rather trying day. "Wait," he said, pulling away a little, but Hidan was still going for it and then he was way over the edge and there was no going back. The first spurt did go in Hidan's mouth, the next couple over his face and in his hair, then several more splashed across his chest.

"Oh!" Hidan said, sitting back on his heels. "Oops..." He smiled, his tongue flicking out to taste the cum on his lower lip; making no attempt to get it off anywhere else.

"Ahh," Kakuzu groaned. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

"Mmm. Maybe..." Hidan looked up at him with a mischievous gleam in his eye and he was altogether such an entirely beautiful and erotic sight that Kakuzu simply couldn't bear to not get to fuck him like this. An interesting idea popped into his head and an almost whispered "whatcha gonna do about it?" from Hidan gave him all the permission he needed. A smile curved the corner of his mouth as he reached for his dressing gown and drew out the twisted silk cord.

Hidan was breathing fast as Kakuzu knelt in front of him and picked up his wrists one by one, but he didn't resist, and Kakuzu could see the wanton excitement in his eyes, and his cock getting even harder. "Oh man," he gasped. He knew exactly what he was getting; Kakuzu didn't say anything.

Careful not to get any cum on his silk pyjamas, he carefully bound Hidan's hands together behind him - not tightly, but extremely firmly - then tied them to the leg of the chest of drawers. Then he stood up and stepped back to survey his handiwork.

"Oh, God, aren't you just precious..." he murmured, unable to keep a delighted smirk from spreading across his face. He picked up his dressing gown again and slipped it on.

"You know it," Hidan agreed with a sultry smile. "What're you gonna do with me now?"

"With you?" Kakuzu's tone was one of mock surprise. "Well, I'm going to go and have some breakfast. I imagine you'll be staying just where you are..."

"Kakuzu?" Hidan's voice had jumped about an octave and he suddenly looked adorably anxious and vulnerable. Kakuzu paused, one hand on the doorknob. "Kakuzu! You can't leave me like this! I'm gonna be fucking lonely!"

Kakuzu chuckled and came back to squat in front of him for a moment. Lonely! He loved that that was the worst thing on Hidan's mind. "Don't worry," he said, his voice a low soothing murmur. He ran his thumb over Hidan's bottom lip, slick with his own cum, smeared his fingers over his cheekbone, up into his hair. "Be a good boy and stay just as you are, and I'll come back and fuck you when I've had a piece of toast and a cup of coffee. Okay?"

He laughed again as Hidan leant into his hand, moaning with lust, he was pretty sure that if he so much as brushed against his cock now he'd just explode.

"Ah, fuck me, Kakuzu, this is going to be hard! I'm so ready to come, you bastard!"

"At my advanced age I'm going to need a few minutes, love," he said, raising an eyebrow. "The thought of you up here waiting so nicely for me is certainly going to help though..."

He patted Hidan's shoulder and left the room without another glance at him, pulling the door closed behind him with a discreet click. He waited a moment on the landing, listening, just to make sure he was going to be alright; he heard nothing but a little sigh so, smirking slightly, he headed down the stairs.

How long would Kakuzu be, Hidan wondered. Not more than 15 minutes probably, but it was going to feel long. God, that sexy fucker, how the hell did he understand so completely how to make Hidan into putty in his hands? How did he know something like this had been a recurring fantasy? Shit, he was so horny now. His cock was still so hard, every time he thought of Kakuzu walking out of that door, calmly going downstairs like nothing was happening, he got another little throbbing rush of blood to it. He could taste Kakuzu in his mouth, he could smell sex and Kakuzu and oh God. He needed to touch himself so badly that he even considered trying to flip over and rub himself to orgasm on the floor.

Instead he shifted his arms slightly so that he wasn't straining the one he'd used for his ritual last night. He was pretty relieved Kakuzu hadn't noticed anything, being reasonably certain that would've killed the mood stone dead. He had a nasty feeling the tape and cotton wool might be floating around Sasori and Deidara's bed somewhere though...

He could hear the sound of a kettle boiling downstairs; then he even thought he could smell coffee wafting through the house. Kakuzu was totally going to make himself real coffee and let it brew properly - he did nothing by halves. In fact, Hidan knew he'd actually be disappointed if he came back before he was utterly desperate. The problem was, that point seemed to be coming sooner than he would've anticipated. He heard the door next to theirs open and close, and soft footsteps along the hall - he held his breath. Of course no-one would come in - why would they? - but he still felt paranoid as fuck, as of course Kakuzu had intended. He only relaxed when he heard the creak of the staircase, then strained hard to hear voices downstairs. He couldn't make out any words, but just hearing the low rumble of Kakuzu's voice made his heart beat faster. He sounded as calm and collected as ever.

Kakuzu was pushing down the plunger of a small cafetiere as Itachi came into the kitchen. "Morning Itachi," he said. "There's still some reasonably hot water in the kettle if you're after a cup of tea."

"Thank you, Kakuzu," Itachi replied, flicking the kettle on again and dropping a herbal teabag into a mug. "Sleep well?"

Kakuzu poured his coffee and his toast popped out of the toaster. "Not too badly, thank you," he said, "despite the various, ah, disturbances..."

"I think I must have slept through it all," Itachi said, stirring a large spoonful of honey into his tea. "Kisame did mention something about shouting and screaming and people running about all over the house before rolling over and vanishing under his duvet. Is Hidan sleeping in as well?"

"Chained to the bed!" Kakuzu quipped with a wolfish smile. "I don't know how they can! I'd take an early morning over a late night any day."

"Quite," Itachi agreed. "Well once they're up, perhaps you'd both like to join us on a section of the Cotswold Way. We're planning to spend a few hours on it before lunch."

Kakuzu's toast popped out of the toaster. "That sounds lovely," he said. "I'm starting to think getting out of the house is going to be a priority, too..."

"Oh, do tell?" Itachi prompted him.

Kakuzu kept his voice deadpan, not quite meeting Itachi's eye. "After Sasori and Deidara's nocturnal spat resulted in Deidara falling asleep in Hidan's bed, he and I were obliged to relieve them of their double room... They felt that was... insensitive."

Itachi nearly spat out his mouthful of tea. "Oh, that's what was going on! Goodness, Deidara's a funny one, isn't he? Well, I daresay they got what they deserved..."

"Oh undoubtedly..." Kakuzu agreed. "But I'm reasonably certain Sasori won't see it that way."

"I think Konan had plans for us all to head to the Woolpack for lunch," Itachi continued. "We can catch up with the rest of the party there, and perhaps they'll have had a chance to simmer down somewhat..."

"Ah, Laurie Lee's local - yes, I glimpsed it as we turned in last night." Kakuzu said. "That'll be interesting. Well, it's to be hoped that you're right, but I wouldn't like to make any kind of guarantee of cordiality all the same..."

Itachi settled down at the table with yesterday's Guardian and Kakuzu ate his toast, feeling intermittent tingles of excitement, no longer able to keep his mind off the scene awaiting him upstairs. He made himself take his time - there was no way he was going to be able to satisfy Hidan if he didn't - but he was itching to be gone. Thank goodness his fellow early riser was Itachi and not one for engaging in much gratuitous conversation...

When it finally came, Hidan instantly recognised Kakuzu's tread on the stairs - and it nearly destroyed his now distinctly fragile equilibrium to hear him go across to the bathroom instead of coming straight in. His timing was impeccable though. Hidan's arms were starting to ache considerably now, but not more than he could endure. He realised - desperate though he was now getting - that he'd stayed relatively relaxed this whole time out of a crazy trust in Kakuzu to play this exactly right.

"Oh?" he said, as the door finally opened, trying his hardest to keep his voice cool but unable to stop himself from leaning forward eagerly towards Kakuzu. "You didn't bring me a fucking cup of tea?"

"Hidan..." Kakuzu's voice was silky smooth as he came to crouch in front of him. "Is that really all that's been on your mind?"

"Ohh, you..." Hidan's mouth curved up in a sultry smile. "I've just been thinking about your massive fucking cock, what the fuck do you think? Are you going to give it to me, or what?"

"Hmm." Kakuzu trailed a finger down Hidan's intermittently sticky and slippery shoulder. "Are you sure you're... ready?"

"Fuck yes I am," Hidan whispered, blood surging to his cock as Kakuzu's finger reached his nipple and started to caress around it. There was a swooping sensation in the pit of his stomach like he was speeding down a 15% gradient, and as Kakuzu leant forward and kissed him infuriatingly gently he started trembling so much that his aching arms simply couldn't hold him up any longer and he collapsed backwards towards the chest of drawers.

Instantly Kakuzu's hand was behind him, supporting him. "Okay, I got you," he murmured as Hidan gasped in anticipation of an impact that never came. His other hand was expertly untying the dressing-gown cord. "Oh, very good," he said on discovering that the knots were no tighter than when he'd left - they had clearly not been strained in the slightest - then he was lifting Hidan bodily onto the bed.

Hidan's arms shot up around his neck, pulling Kakuzu towards him, mashing their faces together in the most inelegant and urgent of kisses. "Oh shit, oh shit, Kakuzu, I need you fucking now, fuck's sake," he moaned.

"You've got me," Kakuzu laughed, sliding a hand down to his cock and running a finger along underneath it from base to tip.

"Mmmm," Hidan groaned. "Stop fucking teasing me, Kakuzu, stop it!"

"Alright, alright..." Kakuzu slipped out of his pyjama bottoms - Hidan practically ripped the top off him - and as soon as their cocks were together Kakuzu grasped Hidan properly and within a few strokes had him ready to come. He was gratified to observe, as he guided Hidan's entire load onto his own cock, that he was fully hard himself again. Hard not to be, maybe, with a guy like Hidan in your arms and gasping for you, but still, at his age twice in half an hour was asking a lot.

As Hidan, spent and trembling, collapsed back onto the bed, Kakuzu pushed his knees up towards his chest and eased into him. It felt more viscous and at the same time smoother than with lube. He went very slowly, long and deep, Hidan, super sensitive, almost screaming with ecstasy, nevertheless had the presence of mind to grab one of the pillows and scream into that. He was still hard and getting harder again already.

And by the time Kakuzu was finally ready to climax, Hidan was ready to come with him. Rolling off him, trailing a hand through yet another load over that beautiful toned stomach, Kakuzu pulled the cover over them both and pulled Hidan close to him, not caring that he and the sheets were now slicked with cum as well. "You're unbelievable," he murmured. "How do I have you in my bed?"

Hidan, of course, was falling asleep. "Don't go," was all he said, and his eyes closed.

Kakuzu smoothed back his hair, kissed his eyelids, and the corner of his mouth. Breathed in the scent of him. He did reach over to get his book from the bedside table - As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning, he'd found it in a bookcase in the living room - but mostly for the next hour he just watched him sleep.

By mid-morning all the guests were assembled downstairs again. Hidan and Zetsu were masterminding some kind of gigantic fry-up in the kitchen; Kakuzu had retreated to the dining table with a second cup of coffee. Sasori was still not on speaking terms with either of them and Deidara and Hidan had words again; Deidara shouting, Hidan laughing, Deidara consequently getting even angrier. Hidan still thought it was funny. Kakuzu also, since he'd had the lowdown on Dei and Sasori's various problems from Hidan, couldn't help smirking in amusement every time he looked at Sasori. It wasn't helping. Christ, but he'd thought they were pretty much on a par in terms of repression - it turned out not. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful that his natural reticence had never actually inhibited his sex life; however, he did consider that he hadn't let it. He wondered fleetingly if anyone had put two and two together about him choosing to live right on the edge of Hampstead Heath, way back before the likes of gaydar and gayromeo were a thing. Let alone Grindr... Of course, for several years before he'd met Hidan he'd used the Heath pretty much only for dog-walking... He'd simply lost interest in fleeting encounters and sex that felt less intimate than a solitary wank. God only knows what would've happened to him if he'd carried on that way much longer - he'd probably been rescued just in time.

These musings made a useful distraction from the way he was feeling about Yahiko and Tobi; but he was still pretty sure that the urge to strangle them both must be making itself pretty obvious to all around them every time he looked up from the newspaper he wasn't reading and caught a glimpse of one of them. He was pretty relieved when Kisame finished his gigantic bowl of muesli and got up to put on his walking boots.

Before they were even halfway round their circular walk, however, he wasn't feeling anything like so sure he'd made the right decision.

What could possibly have persuaded him that taking Hidan out into the bosom of Mother Nature was a good idea? Kakuzu wondered, nearly at the end of his tether. It was quite obvious now that it was an enterprise doomed from the start to utter failure, but remembering the mood in which he'd set out that morning - which seemed a long time ago now - Kakuzu supposed that he must've wanted them to do something pleasant and relaxed together. Yes, he'd wanted to be out in the open, just quietly spending time with Hidan, appreciating the countryside and watching him getting to know two good friends of his better. As it was, Kisame and Itachi would probably never ask either of them along again!

He sighed, wondering whether to catch up with the others, who were a little way ahead now, or wait for Hidan to catch up with him. He didn't particularly relish having to face his friends' bemused and pitying glances any more than having to listen to Hidan bitch about how he was getting blisters and he'd been scratched by brambles, how his legs were tired and the daylight was giving him a headache and he was being bitten by midges and he was hungry, thirsty, cold, sunburnt, bored and couldn't believe Kakuzu would do this for fun. Kakuzu stopped walking and closed his eyes for a moment. Really, Hidan was acting like a cross between a fractious six-year-old and a surly teenager, and his obvious lack of enjoyment of Itachi and Kisame's favourite pastime was starting to get really embarrassing.

He looked up at the overcast sky, thinking he might as well wait for Hidan now that he'd stopped - otherwise Hidan would see it as a slight, and probably get even more tiresome. A slight wind was getting up and he hoped it wouldn't rain. God only knew how Hidan would deal with that. He probably hadn't thought to bring a waterproof. He looked down at him speculatively as he came up beside him, not wanting to say anything that might set him off.

Hidan held his hand out pathetically. "Oi, Kakuzu, I think something's poisoned me, man!" he said. He just sounded weary and miserable now. It was an improvement on sneering and vitriolic, Kakuzu thought. He obviously didn't have the energy to complain creatively anymore. He took the proffered hand and inspected it. It was blotched faintly pink and dotted with little pale circles. "Ow!" Hidan complained as Kakuzu prodded it. "It prickles..."

"That's nettle rash, Hidan. You've been stung by a stinging nettle," Kakuzu explained with exaggerated patience. "It's nothing. Find a dock leaf if it bothers you."

"What the fuck is a dock leaf?" Hidan asked, examining his hand piteously. "It aches."

He did, to be fair, seem to have quite a bad reaction to nettles, but Kakuzu was in no mood to be sympathetic. "You'll live," he said callously. "Dock is a plant that often grows near stinging nettles and it's said to have a soothing effect. You wrap the affected part in the leaf..."

"Sounds like a fucking old wives' tale," Hidan grumbled.

"Do you want me to find you one or not?"

"Alright, yes!"

Kakuzu bit back the 'Yes, what?' that was on the tip of his tongue. If they'd been alone, maybe... but really, it wasn't worth the trouble. Better to try and keep Hidan sweet, and maybe he'd start making a bit of an effort to be civil, at least. He had been rather unlucky, so far, it was true, managing to fall into a stream, tread in a cowpat, get chased by bullocks and now the nettles. God knows how he'd managed it. Kakuzu couldn't see any in the immediate vicinity at all.

They reached a stile, where Kakuzu found some dock growing. He picked several leaves. Hidan sat moodily on the the top of the fence, preventing Kakuzu from getting over, and Kakuzu rubbed one leaf over the injured hand, thinking perhaps the juice was the real source of the soothing effect, then wrapped it in a fresh one. "Better?" he asked.

Hidan looked at the leaf suspiciously. "Maybe," he said. "It's sort of... cooling." He looked up at Kakuzu with appealing eyes. "How far do you think we have to go?" he asked.

Kakuzu leaned on the fence beside Hidan and got out the map. "Maybe about three miles," he said, unfolding it. Over the stile the fields sloped away steeply so that they'd be walking along a sort of ridge with a miniature valley at the bottom, where there was a fence and then a stream. Beyond that another field sloped up again more gently, full of grazing sheep. It was an idyllic pastoral scene, and Itachi had voiced the hope that there might be pasque flowers out. Kakuzu could see him and Kisame - small figures now - bending over something in the grass and wondered if they'd found one.

He found their position on the map, and showed Hidan. "We're taking a circular route." he explained. "We're just about halfway round."

"Only halfway?!" Hidan wailed. "I thought we'd be nearly there by now! Fuck, man, this really sucks!"

Kakuzu resisted the urge to knock Hidan off the stile into a gorse bush, and put his arm around him instead. "Come on, Hidan," he said encouragingly. "It's not that bad! Aren't you enjoying yourself at all?"

"No," said Hidan flatly. "Why the fuck did you think I would?"

Kakuzu removed his arm. Why had he? He supposed the crazed cyclist side of Hidan had led him to believe that he would love the great outdoors and take delight and satisfaction in gratuitous exercise, but clearly the two did not go hand in hand. "I guess I made the mistake of thinking we actually had something in common," he said coldly, getting up and swinging over the fence to lean moodily on the other side. "You can be sure it won't happen again."

They stared at each other a moment, then, with an irritable little growl, Kakuzu simply turned around and walked away.

Hidan jumped up from the stile. "Oi, Kakuzu, wait!" he called. Kakuzu ignored him, moving irrevocably away, every line of him radiating anger and wounded pride. Hidan's shoulders sagged. He knew he was probably being a jerk, but he just couldn't seem to snap out of it. If only Kakuzu could've brought himself to be sweet to him for a moment longer, maybe he could've done. He ruffled his hair, feeling itchy and uncomfortable. Fuck, he hated the countryside. The corner of his mouth twitched in a miserable half smile. He supposed he should be thinking himself lucky Kakuzu had been nice to him even for a moment.

He trailed forlornly after him. Three miles! He didn't see how he could. His feet felt damp from when he'd slipped into that stream. Even though Kisame had lent him his spare socks - and just the thought of them being on his feet was grossing him out, seriously - his converse and the hems of his jeans had got pretty soggy. Was it his fault that he didn't have dedicated fucking walking boots like the rest of them? They should've warned him what it would be like beforehand, instead of looking doubtfully and superiorly at his feet once it was already too late! Itachi saying remotely, "Are you going to be alright like that, Hidan," - Kisame just looking at him perplexedly, like he was some alien breed of creature whose customs he didn't quite understand. Fuck them all! He'd only come because Kakuzu had seemed to want him to, and now it seemed that things were worse between them than if he'd just refused flat out and stayed in the chapel playing Guitar Hero with Zetsu and Tobi.

"Kakuzu," he called again, but he was further away now, and anyway, Hidan's voice came out so sad and small he probably didn't even hear. "Ugh," he murmured, his feet squelching among the tussocky grass. This field was even nastier to walk though than the last. Shoving his hands moodily into his pockets he felt a cool hard edge and realised he had his iPod with him! Well, no-one could accuse him of being anti-social now - they'd all left him behind! He stuck in his headphones and set it to shuffle, too whacked to be able to decide what he wanted to listen to for himself.

He began to smile as soon as he heard the first chords, a gloriously irresistible C - D - E progression, then Ray Davies singing 'I met her in a bar down in old Soho' - fuck's sake, could he really be feeling nostalgic for London after just a day? - what a fucking city boy! He could almost laugh at himself. Almost. Seriously, he wished he was in Soho now, drinking cheap champagne... Somehow 'Lola' reminded him of his first date with Kakuzu, and that fucking old queen Orochimaru showing up... And the way he'd known, immediately, undeniably, that he'd finally found someone he could really connect with. He started to walk faster.

Kakuzu glanced round. Hidan seemed to be doing a bit better - was he singing? Clearly he'd plugged himself into his MP3 player... Oh Hidan! he thought with a surge of exasperated affection. Well, if that's what it takes to get you through this day... But it reminded him even more forcibly of the differences between them. Although he tried not to, it was hard not to take it personally - why couldn't Hidan walk beside him and just talk? Perhaps, really, all he meant to Hidan was comfort and sex. Wasn't it naive to feel like it was so much more after such a short time? He'd been telling himself he saw a side of Hidan that everyone else was blind to - an emotional intelligence, a natural instinct for culture - but maybe he was the blind one. Wasn't it more likely that he'd painted it all in with his over-eager imagination, to make fucking an under-educated twenty-something more palatable?

To think that he'd even been considering taking him along to some of the lunchtime recitals that started at the Guildhall next month! God, he'd probably heckle or something! No, he'd have to invite Sasori instead, if he wanted a companion at all. But that thought depressed him and prickled his conscience too. After all, for all their disagreements, Sasori and Deidara were always going to shows together, and discussing them endlessly afterwards...

He could almost hear Sasori's voice in his head, saying, "Oh I'm sorry Kakuzu, I can't make it, I'm going to see this dreadful new installation with Deidara... don't even ask, it'll be a nightmare...!" But he'd go. Did that mean that Kakuzu should be taking Hidan to... well, to what? He didn't have a clue, and just thinking about that made him feel guilty and uncomfortable. Was he just imposing his own value system on Hidan? He hadn't even taken the trouble to see where he lived, just attempted to subsume him into his own existence as though he came from nowhere! Small wonder if he was feeling like his opinions weren't being taken into account.

He sighed. He'd barely cared when his behaviour had irrevocably destroyed all his previous attempts at relationships. It was clear already that he wouldn't be so numb if it happened with Hidan. He noticed that the grass he was staring at seemed distinctly fuzzy. Good lord, was he getting long-sighted already? Another indication of his unsuitability for a sweet young thing like Hidan? Something in the air seemed to be making his eyes sting as well. Pollen perhaps? Or... oh, for heaven's sake! Get a grip, man, he told himself sternly. Yes, you hate fighting with him but you haven't cried since the late 80s and you're not going to now! Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself.

And just at that moment Hidan caught up with him and pulled out his headphones, smiling propitiatingly.

Finally able to see a shred of irony in the situation, Hidan was prepared to put his pride on the line - again - and acknowledge his own douchebaggery, but Kakuzu seemed to be turning away, compressing his lips in something that not even the most optimistic analyst could interpret as a smile; Hidan let his half-extended hand fall limply back to his side. He walked on past him, veering away a little, trying to pretend he hadn't been trying to catch up at all. Now his eyes stung and for a moment his vision blurred; it was enough to make him lose his footing on the slope and go tumbling head over heels all the way down in front of Kakuzu's horrified gaze.

Hidan was too surprised to even cry out, but Kakuzu must've, as Itachi and Kisame - not that far ahead now - turned around at once and came running back. By the time they reached the point where Hidan had fallen, Kakuzu was halfway down the slope with no idea how he'd got there.

"Careful, Kakuzu," he heard Kisame call as they followed him at a far more sedate pace. "Don't you fall as well!" - and he knew it made sense - after all, he was the only one with any medical training! But slowing down just wasn't an option. He saw the rocks and grass blur beneath him in a kind of daze and in less than a minute he was kneeling in the damp grass at Hidan's side.

"Hidan!" he said desperately. He was sprawled face down like a rag doll at the base of the fence, completely motionless. Kakuzu felt sick. He reached for the back of Hidan's neck, checking for a pulse and with a dreadful certainty that he would find his neck broken. But at his touch Hidan moaned dreadfully and struggled round to face him.

"Uhh, Ka-kuzu," he groaned, somehow making it sound like a come on. He smiled painfully, then spat blood onto the ground. Every part of him ached. He looked at Kakuzu's strained white face and knew if he relaxed at all now he was going to burst into tears. He began to push himself into a sitting position, grimacing.

"Oi!" Kakuzu held him where he was. "Don't move!" he commanded. Instinctively he wiped blood away from Hidan's lip and noticed that his hand was shaking; dreadful visions of internal haemorrhage, punctured lungs, gastrointestinal bleeding crowded his mind. He could feel his heart thumping almost painfully hard - it almost seemed to flutter for a moment. He made an effort to breath deeply.

"I'm okay," Hidan protested, his voice a little high, but just about steady. "I think I bit my tongue..." He explored around his mouth with it, checking that all his teeth were present and correct. "Fuck, and my cheek," he added, tasting a fresh surge of blood as he probed it. He spat again, feeling like if he swallowed he'd vomit, and watched Kakuzu's expression morph into what was becoming a rather familiar mixture of relief and exasperation.

Itachi and Kisame appeared behind Kakuzu. "Oh, thank fuck!" said Kisame. "You're alive!"

Hidan smiled a bloody smile at him, clinging to bravado as a defence against complete breakdown. Someone produced a water bottle but no one had a handkerchief - not even Kakuzu. Hidan pulled the bloody one from last night out of his pocket without thinking and made a pathetic attempt to clean himself up.

"Damn it, Hidan, are you made of rubber?!" Kakuzu murmured, checking him for broken bones. "I can't believe you're still in one piece after that!" He peered into his eyes, looking for signs of concussion. "This isn't normal!" he said.

"Well don't be too fucking disappointed!" Bravado wearing off, Hidan took refuge in bitter sarcasm because he wanted to throw himself into Kakuzu's arms and howl, and no, just no, no. He couldn't do that.

"Hidan..." Kakuzu chided. "Don't say that." He gently cradled the back of Hidan's skull in his hand as he carefully sat him up and fed him tiny sips of water. Taking the handkerchief from Hidan he tipped some water on a clean corner of it, then started to clean up a graze along his cheekbone. "Is this mine? he asked, noting a delicate monogrammed K in the corner of it. Could it have been in Hidan's pocket since last weekend? Hidan just shook his head a little, clenching his jaw.

Kakuzu began to rather desperately wish they were alone - impractical thought that might be. The hovering presence of Kisame and Itachi was so inhibiting. He desperately wanted to hold Hidan properly and kiss him and comfort him the way he so clearly needed, and now he was holding himself stiffly away and seemed barely able to meet his eye. He turned to Kisame instead. "How far are we from the road here?" he asked. "I think I should get him back to the house. He seems remarkably unhurt, but he's going to be in mild emotional shock at the very least."

"Fuck that, I'm not!" Hidan protested.

"It's medical terminology, Hidan, and believe me, you are."

"Not far, actually," said Kisame. "At the end of this field we cross the road only about a mile from the village. Why don't we can call one of the others and get them to come and pick the two of you up from there?"

"Yeah, Sasori fucking won't, though, will he?" Hidan interjected darkly.

"I'm sure he's not that petty, Hidan!" Kakuzu soothed. "I'd rather ask him than Tobi, anyway!"

"Oh, who's being petty now?"

"Well, at least I'm being petty on your account..."

Kakuzu, Kisame and Itachi all checked their phones, but none of them had any signal anyway. Neither did Hidan, though he did have a lot of messages on Grindr that must've come through earlier, as well as a text from Suigetsu Houzuki asking for Kisame's number.

Kakuzu wiped more blood away from Hidan's mouth and felt his pulse again. It was normal; he wasn't feeling clammy and he was only a little paler than usual. "Do you think you can walk to the end of the field?" he asked gently. "Maybe there'll be better signal there."

Hidan nodded wearily and they got him slowly to his feet. "Tell me immediately if you start feeling dizzy," Kakuzu commanded.

"I'm not going to feel fucking dizzy!" Hidan protested. "What the fuck do you take me for?"

And for the first 50 yards he was alright. Then - perhaps the first rush of adrenaline wearing off - he started to really feel his bruises, and an aching stiffness all over. He started to feel sick, too, and there was a lump in his throat that just wouldn't go away. He wanted to tell Kakuzu, but equally he didn't want to open his mouth because he really didn't know what kind of sound would come out.

Kakuzu, gripping him by the upper arm and observing his every move, seemed to sense something anyway. "Look," he said, "maybe I should go on ahead now and get my car. There might not even be signal at the road, and we don't even know if anyone's going to be around. Kisame can get you to the end of the field, can't you, Kisame?"

"Sure I can!" Kisame agreed encouragingly. They all looked at him again.

Hidan stared back miserably. "I don't know, I don't know!" he burst out. "Do what the fuck you like, just don't ask me to fucking make decisions!" He shut his eyes tight and breathed in deeply. He didn't want Kakuzu to leave him, but the prospect of sinking into a warm car was so inviting. "I've fucking had it with this day, man," he said.

Kakuzu was finally at a loss. Hidan was probably feeling worse than he'd let on, and he was worried; he really really didn't want to leave him. But, equally, he should be lying down and resting, not tramping wearily through a field. It certainly wasn't doing his emotional state any good.

"I'd be happy to run back, but we came down by train..." Kisame offered with a helpless gesture of impotence, and Kakuzu, scenting a solution, whipped his own car keys out of his pocket and tossed them over to him.

"Take mine," he said. "Honestly, one mile in the middle of the countryside - I think we'll be okay."

"Right you are - the black BMW, right?"

"Right."

Half an hour later, relaxing in a warm bath with a cup of sweet tea at his elbow and Kakuzu sitting next to him in the wicker chair which he'd pulled right up to the side of the bathtub, Hidan finally felt the lump in his throat begin to subside. "Well, fuck," he murmured as an opening gambit, and Kakuzu laid down his newspaper to look at him.

"What do you think Yugito Nii's going to make of this?" he asked with a self deprecating smile, gesturing at his various scrapes and bruises.

"Hm." Kakuzu considered him. "She could make you something uncharacteristically modest, perhaps? Or full body make-up..."

"That's not a bad shout," Hidan drained the last of his tea and held the mug out to Kakuzu to put out of the way. "Maybe I'll suggest it- Hey, what's up?"

Kakuzu had suddenly gripped his forearm and turned it so that he could see the inner elbow. His eyes widened and a tiny increase in their intensity told Hidan that he'd finally been busted. He braced himself.

"So that's why you were so tired on the walk!" Kakuzu's voice was abrupt and Hidan snatched his arm away. Kakuzu took it back and started to examine the puncture site. Small - but the tell-tale bruising around it gave him a pretty accurate picture of how deep it had been. And how long it had been allowed to freely bleed...

"Fuck..." Hidan breathed, rolling his eyes. "I'm fine, why're you making such a big deal of this? There are about a thousand other reasons for me to be tired, and anyway I wasn't. I just fucking hate the countryside."

Kakuzu just gave him that steady judgemental look which he was beginning to get used to, and prodded the wound. Hidan yelped. "Ouch, what the fuck?"

They stared at each other a moment.

"Why do you do it?" Kakuzu asked finally. Perhaps if it was less illogical he could manage to be less angry.

Hidan carried on looking at him challengingly for a moment, "I have to," he said.

"Yes, I understand that you have to, but why do you have to?" Kakuzu demanded again.

"It's a fundamental tenet of my faith."

"Your faith?"

"Jashinism. My religion." That challenging look again.

"Jashinism." Kakuzu repeated slowly. It wasn't even a question this time, just an incredulous statement.

"Okay, look," Hidan shot at him defensively, "despite how it feels we haven't known each other that long! There's stuff about me you don't know!"

"I do know that Hidan," Kakuzu said wearily. "And of course I've heard all the cult rumours about you. I just... I guess I didn't give them too much credence, that's all."

"It's not a cult!" Hidan looked outraged, but Kakuzu was in no mood to give ground.

"It sounds like one," he said uncompromisingly.

"Well it's not! You wouldn't call Christianity a cult, and they're way more fucking weird than Jashinists - why is this any different!"

"Well, I might, actually," Kakuzu admitted. "I'm not a big fan of religion in under any name."

"Ah, you're a fucking hardcore heathen!" Hidan seemed shocked and impressed in equal measure. He sat up in the bath, the better to proselytise.

"The Jashinist ritual isn't about harming yourself - it's about understanding the pain of others. Connection through something we all feel. It's universal. People just think pain equals bad, you know? But it doesn't have to be like that if it's shared."

"Right." Kakuzu was unimpressed, and let it show. "Well, you are harming yourself, though, aren't you? That's undeniable."

"Well, have you ever seen anyone with a recovery time like mine!? You fucking haven't, have you? Well, this is why!"

"Hidan, I have a much easier time believing that you're just a remarkable individual. There's no reason to think it has anything to do with your ... 'rituals'. I mean, have you ever tried not doing them?"

"No! That's blasphemy, actually! And I'd go fucking crazy. I need them to make a really deep connection with Jashin. Ordinary prayers only get you partway."

"Hidan..." Was there any point in arguing? Kakuzu couldn't help himself though. So many points that were just begging to be challenged... "Look, then, if they're so good for you why did you need me to carry you back to the hotel after your last one? Hm?"

"Well, I've been thinking about that." There was a faraway look in Hidan's eye now. "I think Jashin must have sent you to me. Maybe there's a new kind of pain that I need to learn to understand." He reached for his rosary which was on the corner of the bath. Kakuzu blocked his hand. "Hey, I need to run it by Him!"

"Just wait a minute. Finish telling me about it first, yes?"

"Oh- okay. Just let me hold it though please," Hidan's eyes were anxious and Kakuzu didn't want that. He trickled the the rosary into his hand and Hidan put it immediately to his mouth.

"So, Jashin is about taking on the pain of the world?" Kakuzu asked, looking the other way. "It sounds like a Jesus thing."

No, it fucking doesn't!" Hidan was indignant. "Jesus is all about sex. He's just one massive metaphor for boning. Seriously, man. It's fucking depraved; and I should fucking know, I was brought up in it."

Interesting. You can take the boy out of the Church but you can't take the church out of the boy... Kakuzu thought. But all he said was, "And Jashin isn't?"

"Do I seem like I have fucking sex hang ups?!"

"Well, not especially... but maybe you'd've been a happy little Christian if the message was 'my OCD about my personal hygiene has made me far too clean, come and pump your spunk all over me...'"

"Fuck you, man!" Hidan said casually. "Anyway I wouldn't, because they have Jesus as a replacement taking any delight in pure carnality for its own sake. I'd probably never get to have anyone's spunk on me ever again! Or I'd have to feel guilty about not thinking about the fucking bridegroom and his Church while I was at it!"

"Well, that would never do!" Taking Hidan's arm again Kakuzu stroked gently over the wound with his thumb. He didn't feel like he'd got anywhere near the bottom of this, but he wasn't sure it was wise to pursue the subject anymore right now. "Look, I'll never be able to believe in any kind of god - and I definitely won't believe that I've been sent by one, so don't hold out any hope of that, okay?" he said.

Hidan closed his eyes. "Alright. For now," he conceded.

Kakuzu hesitated. The thought that wouldn't leave him alone was that Hidan seemed to do this when something had upset him. He was suddenly reminded of Hidan saying about last night: "I didn't even know where you were." Could that have been something to do with it? "Can you do something for me?" he asked, trying to sound cool about it.

Hm? Limpid violet eyes half opened and met his own.

"Do your... 'rituals'... when I'm around."

Hidan held his gaze for a second without saying anything. Then; "you won't try and stop me?"

"No." For now, he thought, but left it unsaid.

"Well... alright then. I can do that."

Kakuzu leant over the bath. "Look, I realise I haven't-" he began, then straightened up with exclamation of annoyance as there came a discreet knocking at the door. "Who is it?" he called.

"Me and Sasori," came Deidara's voice. "Can we come in, hn?"

Kakuzu looked questioningly at Hidan, "Ah, let them in," Hidan said. "It's not like it's anything they haven't both seen multiple fucking times before!"

It still felt pretty weird, but Kakuzu just shrugged and went to the door to slide back the bolt. Deidara slipped past him and went straight over to the bath. "You alright, hn?" he said to Hidan. "You're so fucking accident prone! You've got to stop breaking yourself, yeah? I need you in one piece!"

"I second that!" Kakuzu murmured, from the doorway.

"Ah, I'm fine, man," Hidan brushed him off. "Seriously, it'll take more than a fucking slope to break me!"

"Yeah, well, sorry for being a dick this morning, anyway," Deidara continued. "Are we cool, hn?

"Of course we're fucking cool." Hidan aimed a playful punch at Deidara's arm, which Deidara dodged. "We're always cool!"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at Sasori, who'd lingered in the doorway too. "Are we cool?" he asked with a wry smile.

Sasori sighed. "I don't know that I could describe myself as 'cool' even in jest!" he protested.

Kakuzu patted his shoulder. "I'll take that as a yes," he said.

"You'd probably better," Sasori agreed with a small smile, "I can see now that we weren't exactly considerate either." And for a few moments they leant there in comfortable silence, watching the younger guys. Kakuzu had a sense of their friends finally beginning to accept that this relationship was something real and it gratified him. It was nice to feel that there were people they could be this comfortable with, as well, even if it was getting a bit much now...

"Right," he said, at last, turning towards Deidara who was lounging in the chair, chewing gum and chatting to Hidan as though the situation was entirely normal. "Out you get then, you two. You might be perfectly au fait with the naked body of my boyfriend, but you're making me feel like a third wheel!"

"Yeah, I guess it is a bit weird with Kakuzu here, Dei," Hidan agreed. "If I look at him too long I might start embarrassing you all, ay?"

"Don't get any ideas," Kakuzu warned him. "I am most certainly done for the day and you're in no condition for any kind of exertion!"

Deidara patted the top of Hidan's head and got up. "Alright, we're off for lunch now anyway. Take it easy, hn."

"You fucking take it easy, man," Hidan shot back, "I'm fucking fine. It's the fucking rest of you who are fucking pussies who need to take it easy!"

"Yeah, yeah," Deidara took out his gum and dropped it in the bathroom bin. "Whatever." He nudged Sasori. "Kakuzu said 'boyfriend'," he said pointedly. "See. It's not that hard..."

Kakuzu chivvied him towards the door. "Actually, it was quite hard, but I made a big effort," he said. "And don't worry. He'll be taking it easy."

He shut the door firmly behind them. "Right," he said, turning to Hidan. "Let's get you out of there and go back to bed."