After an eventful weekend, the Akatsuki crowd begin to make their way back to London. En route, Kakuzu's history begins to catch up with him...

"I think you two should reconsider going to the St Martin's degree show, man," Deidara said to Hidan as they stowed their bags into their respective boyfriends' cars the next morning. "You are going to cause a fucking riot, hn." The show opened on Wednesday, and Hidan was adamant that he wouldn't be kept away by a bunch of pussies talking crap about him.

"Fuck that, man, if Kakuzu wants to see their shit we'll fucking go! I'm not afraid of a bunch of fucking students! I already took out the fucking daddy, didn't I?"

He was clearly spoiling for another fight. "Yeah, that's my point, hn," Deidara reiterated wearily. "And he's taken a turn for the worse in hospital - one of Sasori's students just texted him! They're gonna be out for your blood. And the gutter press'll all be there. Kakuzu will hate that, no?"

Kakuzu closed the boot of the car. That was potentially bad news for all of them, but he didn't want Hidan getting needlessly worked up by discussing it now. "I'll bear it in mind," he said calmly. "Let's go, Hidan."

Hidan slid into the passenger seat as Kakuzu settled behind the wheel. Their eyes met for a moment and Kakuzu found the same weary desire for escape he was feeling himself mirrored back at him. For all his wild behaviour he finds socialising as exhausting as I do, Kakuzu thought. We really really need to be alone together now...

But just as he was about to turn the key in the ignition, Kisame came running out of the chapel holding something that distinctly resembled a turkey baster. "Is this yours, Hidan?" he called, slowing to a stroll as he saw they were still stationary.

"Ah yeah, thanks man," Hidan reached through the open window to receive it. Kakuzu pretended to be looking with deep concentration at the road atlas.

Kisame patted the top of the BMW. "I enjoyed my spin in this baby the other day," he said, "but I can't understand why you didn't come down on the the train! It's such an easy journey from Paddington to Stroud!"

Deidara, getting into Sasori's car in front of them, called over, "Hidan misbehaved too much on the way to Edinburgh, hn!"

"Yeah, man, Kakuzu said he wouldn't travel with me again unless he could get away with strapping me down!" Hidan added with a wicked grin.

Taking his cue, Kakuzu wordlessly pushed him back against the seat and drew the seatbelt across him. "You guys!" Kisame chuckled. "You honestly were made for each other, weren't you?"

"Were you and Itachi planning to walk into Stroud?" Kakuzu asked, eyeing Kisame's gigantic rucksack and glad of a opportunity to change the subject even if his heart sank a little as he did so. "Can we offer you a lift?"

"Aw, that's very kind, Kakuzu, thanks!" Kisame looked over at Itachi who was sitting by the door looking pale and tired. "I think Itachi would really appreciate that actually. It's not a long walk but I think yesterday was ... pretty heavy for him ..."

Deidara pulled the door of the Ford to with a horrible clanging sound. "See you back in London!" he called to Hidan. "We've got to pick Sasori's grandma up from Swindon, she's got an opening tonight..."

"That's a fucking shithole man, commiser-fucking-rations!" Hidan called back. "Don't get out of the car! Oh hang on! That's fucking shit too! You're fucking done for!"

"Yeah, okay, hn, very amusing Hidan!" Deidara gave him the middle finger and settled down in his seat, nonchalantly leaning one elbow out of the window.

Itachi and Kisame got into the back of the BMW and Kakuzu eased out of the parking place. Itachi laid his head back against the cream leather and sighed. Ahead of them, Tobi and his orange Lamborghini sped down the drive and disappeared onto the main road. Kakuzu caught Kisame's eye in the rear view mirror and swiftly looked away again; other peoples' emotional trouble was more than he was prepared to deal with right now.

Watching Kisame and Itachi disappear through the Cotswold stone archway into the station, Kakuzu discreetly took Hidan's hand down by the gearstick. "Ready for this?" he asked.

"Mm hm."

"Not feeling sick?"

"Nope. I can suck you off before we go if you need me to."

Kakuzu laughed. "That's okay, love, it might take a while after everything you did before breakfast!" He started the engine and used Hidan's hand to change gear. "Maybe I should teach you to drive," he mused. "I'm sure you'd be a natural..."

"I'd be a natural fucking disaster!" Hidan replied. "Do you really want to give me access to more speed...?"

Kakuzu chuckled. "Alright, maybe not," he agreed, executing a perfect three point turn and pulling out of the carpark. "I'd quite like to just see it though..."

"I couldn't tell him." Itachi uttered the words with no preamble or any explanation as he and Kisame settled down on either side of a slightly sticky train table. But then, he was more than used to Kisame never needing any explanation. "I left it to Tobi," he admitted, not meeting Kisame's eye. "Was that cowardly of me? I just ... didn't want to make him feel more hate than he's already burdened down with."

Kisame didn't want to sound like a sycophant, but he didn't want to be unkind either. "What did you tell him?" he asked, instead of trying to find an answer.

Itachi leaned his forehead against the window and stared out unseeingly. "I told him about coming out to mum and dad and why I cut off all contact with them after that," he said. "I told him that when I left St Martin's there was a reason... that was... unrelated to whether or not I wanted to be an artist anymore, but not about them pushing me out to avoid a scandal about dad. And Shisui. I didn't tell him about Shisui. I don't know if he even remembers him. He was only twelve when it happened."

"Yeah, I'm willing to bet he remembers!" Kisame dropped his forehead into his hand. Itachi could be devastatingly naive about other people's feelings. And obsessions. Perhaps it came of schooling his own so closely. Fugaku Uchiha had been a regular tutor at St Martins when Itachi was there; as an artist, he'd been more successful critically than commercially. As far as Kisame had been able to gather, after Itachi's cousin - and he suspected he'd been his first sexual partner too - had killed himself, a heartbroken young Itachi had come out to his parents, whose reaction had been to summarily chuck him out of the family home.

He wasn't sure about the details of Itachi's departure from St Martin's - only that somehow a transfer had been arranged for him onto an art history course at the Courthauld Institute and he'd been persuaded - somehow - not to say anything about why he'd left. They'd discreetly dropped Fugaku from the staff the following term; Shisui's suicide had been whitewashed as a tragic accident. It was only years later that Itachi had found out about the involvement of a senior painting lecturer, Danzo Shimura. Not a good moment to mention that, though, Kisame thought.

"Orochimaru?" he asked instead. Itachi's lip curled.

"The whole reason I even started trying to get back in contact was to warn him away from Orochimaru. But he's not going back to City and Guilds now. I think he's safe on that front now."

But did you tell him that it was Orochimaru-"

"I told him enough!" Itachi's tone was anguished now and Kisame knew better than to probe further.

"What've I done to him?" Itachi's question was almost a whisper. "Maybe I should've told him the truth when I left. I'm afraid that between us all we've done him real emotional damage. How could dad not do him emotional damage?! I shouldn't have left him there!"

"Itachi." Kisame took his hands over the train table, his brain registering a discarded copy of the Daily Mail as he did so, and - even as distracted as he was - managing to note that Hidan was on the cover. "You were so young. How could you know what was the right thing to do? It's impossible to say now how it would've turned out, anyway."

Itachi discreetly removed his hands from Kisame's grasp. "I'm not looking for excuses," he said quietly. "I was selfish. In a way I think I wanted him to reject me. Now it hurts too much, but I've only got myself to blame."

"Itachi," Kisame said again. "Itachi, don't. You've got so many fuckers in your past you could blame. I love you for not doing it, believe me, but you'd be justified. Totally justified." He glanced down at the newsprint Hidan on the table between them. He was snarling and wielding a heavy-looking chain bike lock threateningly at whoever was taking the photograph. "IS GAY MODEL REALLY THE VICTIM" screamed the headline. He spun it around to show it to Itachi. "Look at that. Sometimes you've just got to look out for number one, hm? Hidan knows it."

"You surely don't want me to model my behaviour on Hidan's!" Itachi exclaimed. "Charming little psychopath that he is! I hope Kakuzu knows what he's getting into. Such an intelligent man - I'm always so surprised by his boyfriends."

"I'm not sure Kakuzu wants competition," Kisame suggested. "But Hidan's not dumb. He's a little under-educated, I'll grant you, but Kakuzu would be tired of him already if he didn't have something between his ears. And I'm not buying the psychopath bit - he's way too emotionally vulnerable for that."

"Hm. It's easy to see you've got the hots for him more than a bit! I have to say I'm glad Kakuzu got in there before you." Itachi folded up the paper and put it away from them, ignoring Kisame's demurring mutters. "I wish them joy of each other but I can't help feeling they're a bit of a liability for the Akatsuki Group. Maybe even more so together than separately."

"Oh, very probably, but I can guarantee you they don't give a shit and that's really the aspect of Hidan's behaviour that I thought perhaps you could take something away from. I don't know why you still have this loyalty towards St Martins-"

"I don't," Itachi snapped. "They were spineless and unsupportive, but I don't see how a scandal would help anyone. And I don't want Sasuke to indulge in any more negative feelings either. I thought it would be good for him to have a relationship with mum and dad. I thought getting into a good art school would set him on the path I wasn't able to follow. I-"

"Well, you don't regret going over to the Courthauld now, do you? God, if I had a tough as nails little brother who'd drag Goldsmiths' reputation though the dirt for me I'd jump at the chance!"

"Well, Zabuza Momochi's doing a fine job all by himself, isn't he? Everyone's tired of YBAs by now."

"Oh, Zabuza's a fucking charlatan but that level of audacity only helps a place's reputation in the end. No, it was a fun couple of years but I'm glad I got out when I did. My only regret is that I didn't persuade Mangetsu to come with me. I have to say, it was a shock seeing little Suigetsu. He's a lot like him."

And for a few minutes both were silent, watching the speeding scenery, thinking of the places they'd left behind, the friends who didn't make it. Kisame couldn't remember how exactly how Shisui had committed suicide but didn't want to ask. Itachi remembered Mangetsu and his burn-out and overdose very well. People had compared the two pairs of art-dynasty prodigy brothers even back when he'd been on foundation. And Zabuza and his pickled shark - well, he'd written a pretty scathing piece about that back in the 90s when he'd done it. He knew Kisame had hated it too, for more personal reasons...

"Didn't Kakuzu fund that shark piece?" he asked.

"Yes." Kisame's reply was curt. "And, believe me, he knows how I feel. In his defence, he didn't know what Zabuza was planning. Made a killing, though, of course."

"His recent work's been a disappointment," Itachi offered.

"Yes, Kakuzu told me he'd let quite a lot go..." Kisame replied.

Zabuza Momochi and his shark in formaldehyde couldn't have been further from Kakuzu's mind as he sped along the M4 between Swindon and Reading. It was a nice clear day, Hidan was in a correspondingly sunny mood; life felt good. The first hour of the journey passed equably, the motorway was reasonably clear, they made good time. And as they passed the Reading junction Hidan spotted Sasori's Ford up ahead.

"Ha!" he said. "They'll have Sasori's nan in the back by now! I wonder how that's going down! Or do you think she called shotgun and Dei's been relegated? Sasori gave me a lift home in that little shitpile once and the back seat is seriously like the carcass of a fucking mule that died of slow starvation! Or just like all the mattresses in Dei's squat, actually, so maybe he doesn't give a shit. I was not fucking amused though."

"What were you doing in the back, anyway?" Kakuzu asked, not even sure himself why that was the burning question to emerge from everything Hidan had just said.

"Ah, Sasori had some freaky life-sized fucking puppet up front. I kept catching its eye in the driver's mirror. It was messed up, seriously. Do you like his work?"

"Well." Kakuzu considered. "I admire it. It's powerful, and moving ... and as you suggest, unsettling. As for 'like', though, I have to say I'm more drawn to Deidara's. And not just for the subject matter!" he added, seeing Hidan start to smirk.

"Hey, you've actually got a piece of Sasori's that I modelled for, you know," Hidan pointed out. "Did you know that?"

"Well, I didn't actually, but - you mean the one mounted over the fireplace in the living room, I take it?" Hidan nodded. "I did have a feeling you might've ... it was always my favourite." He glanced across at Hidan, gave him a little smile. Hidan responded with own delightful brand of sultry shit-eating grin.

"We'll have to pull over if you're going to keep that up," Kakuzu murmured.

"Sure thing, you're the boss, tiger," Hidan responded, sliding a hand onto his thigh.

"Oh, tiger, huh?" Kakuzu groaned. "Well, speaking of felines, don't think I haven't noticed how much I always end up smelling of your aftershave by - god - mid-morning probably! You're marking me like a tom cat!"

"Not exactly like a tom cat, man. Though I could be up for water sports if you want to be on the fucking receiving end!"

Kakuzu laughed. "Not my kink, really..."

"Well thank fuck for that."

"Mm, I am glad we're on the same page there."

A few miles down the road, sexual tension and sticky traffic was making Kakuzu short-tempered. Hidan was trying every trick in the book to keep him sweet but it was actually only making things harder; he now had a slight boner as well. He had to laugh at the puppy eyes he was currently being treated to though, having made the irritable suggestion to Hidan that he might prefer to cycle the rest of the way home.

"Tom Kitten suits you better, looking at me like that!" he snorted. "I suppose that would make me Samuel Whiskers though, rather than 'tiger', which I must confess I could get rather fond of!"

"Ah, no, you're not quite that much of a bastard. Though," - Hidan's lips curved in a sultry smile - "if I did land on your bed all covered in smuts..."

Kakuzu laughed again. "You can be sure I'd make a metaphorical roly-poly pudding of you!" he assured him.

"Just so long as you don't pull a Marlon Brando on me with the butter, okay? That's some fucking rank shit."

"I thought it was Anna Maria who went for the butter?" Kakuzu had a mental image of Samuel Whiskers trundling a rolling pin across a carpeted landing and said so.

"No, man," Hidan was clearly confident in his position. "She just got the dough. Samuel Whiskers had to make two trips."

Kakuzu thought for a moment. "Yes, of course, you're right," he conceded finally. "Well, I guess you might've read it more recently than me!" After another moment's thought he added, "I think I'd actually rather be John Joiner than Samuel Whiskers, though."

"Aw, you'd fucking rescue me? Kakuzu, you're so fucking sweet!"

Kakuzu almost blushed. "Just more of a dog man..." he murmured. He flicked on the radio, ostensibly to listen to the travel reports and see if there was any reason for this unusual congestion. Unfortunately the first thing they stumbled on was some discussion of the day's headlines. And it turned out that that was them.

'Gay art mogul Kakuzu Taki has broken his silence about last weekend's vicious attack on artist Asuma Sarutobi, and his story is that it all began with a homophobic attack on his boyfriend, gay model Hidan Yu-'

Hidan snorted. "Why'd they have to start every sentence with fucking gay?" he demanded. "Of course I'm fucking gay if I'm your fucking boyfriend!"

"It would be a far more sensational news story if you weren't..." Kakuzu added.

Hidan cackled, "Now, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way..." he quoted and Kakuzu laughed too. Then abruptly stopped as he heard his name again.

Taki's reputation for distrust of the traditional media seems to be well-founded-'

"Well-earned!" Hidan snarled indignantly.

'-since he turned to blogger Karin Uzumaki to get his side of the story out. Now, Taki has won the hearts of huge numbers of her substantial following with his obvious affection for his young partner, but he may not be quite as cuddly a character as he's been made to appear.'

"Shit!" Kakuzu muttered under his breath.

"What?" said Hidan. Kakuzu peremptorily shushed him.

'We've been sent a copy of a police report filed in 1999, which gives details of Taki's assault on his then partner who we're not able to name for legal reasons, which resulted in hospital treatment involving 15 stitches and monitoring for concussion.

It sounds like we should be concerned about Hidan Yu! '99! He'd still have been at school then!'

"No I fucking wasn't..." Hidan muttered.

'Is it possible that Asuma Sarutobi and his friends actually interrupted-'

Hidan reached out and flicked the radio off. "Fuck them and their fucking moralising, what the fuck do they know?!" His voice was high with indignation and something else Kakuzu couldn't quite put his finger on. He turned around in his seat to face him directly. "Jeez," he continued. "You hospitalised your boyfriend. So that's why you worry so much about losing your temper with me! And all your Akatsuki friends give me funny looks every time I have so much as a fucking graze and Kisame flat out asks me if you'd done it when he saw what happened in Edinburgh - all that shit comes back to this then, I guess?"

Kakuzu took a deep breath. "Look, love," he said. "Back then. When I was ... in my thirties I guess, I... wasn't a particularly nice person. I mean, I'm not a particularly nice person now, if I'm honest, but back then it was really bad. I had a lot of anger, bad things had happened and ..." God, he was shit at putting this into words. He rubbed a hand wearily over his face and tried again. "Anyway. Boyfriends didn't last long in those days... I was mostly just hooking up but," - he glanced quickly at Hidan - "You've probably figured out that's not really ... I'm not really..." His phone started ringing. "Shit," he said again and handed it to Hidan. "See who it is."

"It's fucking Yahiko." Hidan's eyes narrowed.

"Kakuzu's hands tightened on the wheel. "Better answer it."

Hidan did so, but his voice was so bolshy it might have been more diplomatic to have missed the call. "Yes we fucking heard it," he snarled. "Kakuzu's driving. He can't talk to you."

"Put him on speaker, Hidan..." Kakuzu's voice was weary.

"Kakuzu!" Yahiko's voice was crackly but clearly indignant. "You assured me this business was dead and buried! I'm not exaggerating - this is a PR disaster!"

"It was over a decade ago, Yahiko!" Kakuzu snapped. "He never pressed charges. I don't know how they even got hold of it!"

"I just need you to communicate with me! Why did they say 'legal reasons'? It makes it sound-"

"Like he was a minor? He wasn't. Not remotely. I assume they did say it to make it sound that way though. He was older than Hidan is now, for Christ's sake! You know that!"

"Well, why are they working that angle? What else is waiting to come tumbling out of the closet?"

"For goodness sake, Yahiko, I've already had to hear myself described as a gay art mogul with a gay boyfriend, give it a break with the innuendo, would you! They're clearly digging, anything could come out. But there's nothing you don't already know about."

"Well, good. Keep it that way!"

"Fuck's sake, what's that supposed to mean," Hidan cut in angrily.

"Hidan," Kakuzu warned, but Hidan was clearly upset and when he was upset he was unstoppable.

"No! This fucker's fucking crossing a line and he needs to back off! You need to back the fuck off, Yahiko!"

"Alright, Hidan, keep calm." Yahiko gave a smooth tense laugh and murmured something inaudible - presumably to Konan. "I'll be in touch soon about your meeting with Yugito - I'll be handling all your bookings personally from now on - we can't risk any more slip-ups."

"And, Kakuzu?" he added, while Hidan was still incoherent with rage. "Don't - whatever you do - talk to the press. Or let Hidan talk to the press. We'll figure out the best response once we're all back in London. I'm going to get Mr. Pein's media team onto this. Bye-bye, now."

"Yahiko, I don't want a media team anywhere near-" Kakuzu began, then broke off hopelessly.

"Yeah, fuckity-bye to you too, prick!" Hidan snarled, but Yahiko was gone. He stared moodily at the phone. 'The other person has cleared, the other person has cleared,' it began to chirp patronisingly. Hidan just let it. Kakuzu reached over and rubbed his shoulder, then took the phone back and shut it down.

"You're upset," he said. "Which is understandable, but-"

Hidan just shook his head. Kakuzu stared out of the windscreen at the slow-moving traffic. This was Hidan; he'd watched him slice open another man's face and only get crazy turned only it. He wouldn't be upset for anything you could consider a normal reason. He probably didn't even know himself why he was...

"Are you feeling left out of the loop?" he asked finally. "Look, I'll tell you about it. It's not a secret! I wish I'd had a chance to tell you before it ... Well. Anyway. Where were we?"

"Casual hook-ups not being your bag," Hidan muttered.

"Right." Kakuzu sighed. For all that, he wasn't at all sure he was ready for Hidan to know just what an utter failure his personal life had been for the last 15 years. He took a deep breath - now wasn't the time to make things worse by being an incoherent idiot. "So there were a couple of longer term things," he began, "but by longer term I only mean a few months. And they all ended absolutely appallingly."

"That one was the last one, and in my defence, it was a break up. We weren't intimate anymore. I wasn't anyway. I'd asked him to leave but I guess he still thought there was something to salvage from the relationship. I wasn't playing ball, though. He got angry; I got cold. He said things, I said things, he smashed things, threw things at me, got right up in my face, then finally managed to hit on the one subject he knew really could get through to me, which was the end of my medical career." He glanced at Hidan. "I'll tell you about that another time. Anyway, I lost it. I'm not even sure what I did, I was in such a blind rage. I really did fuck him up, though. That much is true."

"He sounds like a piece of shit who deserved what he got." Hidan's tone was casual. His body language was still tense, though.

"He might, conceivably, have deserved the first blow. Not the rest." Kakuzu winced, thinking about it even now. "He was a mess. And if they fixed him up with only 15 stitches he probably still is! Basically, I shouldn't have even been with him. I shouldn't have been with anyone."

"You were trying not to be!"

"You don't have to try and exonerate me, Hidan. I got into it, knowing full well that I'd driven the previous guy into a full-blown nervous breakdown, and the one before him to ODing on mephedrone..."

"Fuck, he was a bit ahead of the curve!"

"I guess party drugs seemed like a good antidote to living with me."

"Well, why the fuck was he, then? How the fuck'd you figure you're to blame for all this?"

"By being a controlling unaffectionate bastard with a hair-trigger temper, basically. I was toxic to be with." And maybe I still am, he thought, looking at Hidan, so indignant on his behalf, so utterly unwilling to believe he'd been in the wrong; just laying himself open to being hurt.

"I'm getting the impression that the people you've been with have been utter pricks and you should probably stop feeling sorry now."

"Hidan, to be honest it's something I always need to keep in mind. And I have to confess I haven't really dealt with the issues I was ... living out then. I've just avoided anything that might make me lose my cool. After that last episode I didn't even so much as let anyone stay the night. Until you."

"Oh?" Hidan purred, his voice low and velvety. "What's so different about me?"

"What isn't different about you?" Kakuzu turned to face him fully just for a moment. "I've never met anyone like you."

Their eyes met just for a moment and neither of them seemed to know what to say next.

"I get the feeling that you're tough enough to handle me." Kakuzu continued, looking back at the road. "There's a certain ... resilience about you."

"Fuck yeah, I reckon I could take you!"

Kakuzu laughed. "That's not quite what I meant, though I'm sure you'd have a damn good try." He paused. "People tend to walk away after a taste of my temper. If they still can, that is. I've never found anyone who's able to laugh it off before. I've never found anyone who can actually calm me down, like you do."

"I do?"

"You do. God, you work me up as well, but... for my sins, I clearly do actually care about you. A lot. And that's a major difference."

"Huh?" Hidan looked up at him and Kakuzu suddenly felt deeply unready for the turn this conversation was taking. He hurried on.

"The others - I think I just didn't feel enough for them to even bother trying to be good to them. I was pretending things were there that just weren't. Kidding myself I could have normal relationships. To be honest, taking you home - and keeping you there - was something I just couldn't even resist. But even so I don't have any guarantee for you that I won't start being cruel and cold for no reason, or that next time I get angry I won't deck you. And have to call Tobi to take you to A&E in the middle of the night..."

"Is that what happened?"

"Yes."

"Fucking Tobi?"

"Yes. I told you I'd known him a long time."

"Yeah, well, I don't think you're going to do that." Hidan regarded him with his head on one side. "I've been through my fair share of violent fucks and let me tell you, I wasn't ever the one who ended up in hospital..."

"Hidan-" On top of some of the most painful years of his past being thrown in his face and the indignity of being ticked off by a PA ten years his junior, the thought of anyone who'd been intimate with Hidan trying to hurt him was enough to make Kakuzu shake with rage. "If you told me who I'd drop everything now and fuck them up so badly-"

"There you go." Hidan put a hand on his arm and gestured at the slip road coming up. "Get off the motorway. You're done, man."

And, minutes later, parked haphazardly on the verge of an industrial estate with that sleek silver head in his lap, running his fingers though his hair; Hidan glancing up at him in that way he always did before taking his cock in his mouth almost like he was asking for permission, Kakuzu felt a lot better about things. He cradled the back of Hidan's skull and Hidan's fingers twisted around his belt to get a better grip on him. The loose end of it shifted to rest against his cheek and it was too perfect, he was so precious; Kakuzu felt again that alien protective instinct that, he had to admit, he hadn't felt in the slightest towards any of the other men who'd ever shared his bed. Hidan paused a moment, let his cock slide out of his mouth so that just the head was resting against his lips, and murmured, almost to it, "I don't know why you worry about that shit. I know you'll never hurt me - you'd rather break your fucking hand - so relax about it, okay?"

He turned his eyes up to Kakuzu's and Kakuzu felt his whole body respond; blood surged to his cock, precum glazed Hidan's bottom lip. He took Kakuzu back in deep, then pulled up a little to work around the head with the tip of his tongue.

"Yes," Kakuzu agreed breathlessly, "Alright. Oh god, yes, oh fuck!" His fingers tightened in Hidan's hair, then swiftly bent forward to drop a frighteningly tender kiss on his temple. "No more chatter now," he murmured. "You've got a job to do, love."

"Travelling with you is inconvenient!" Kakuzu exclaimed, looking at his watch as they hit the road again. "I've got a meeting at two - we're barely going to make it."

"Jeez, you ungrateful cunt! Most people would be over-fucking-joyed if they could travel with someone who'd suck them off on command!"

"You're not useful - you're just creating demand for yourself!" Kakuzu flicked the indicator down, checking his mirrors as he pulled into the fast lane. "You're like a drug, the more I have, the more I need!"

Hidan just laughed. "And I bet I can make you need another before we hit the North Circular," he said.

"Don't," Kakuzu warned. "There's a lot of money riding on this deal."

"Ah, always the fucking lucre with you! Fuck's sake. There are more important things in life, man! Anyway, it's not like you could keep your hands off my dick either!"

It hadn't been. As soon as he'd blown a massive load what felt like halfway down Hidan's throat it had just been instinct to pull him up into his arms, kiss him over and over, relishing the taste of his own cum in his mouth and sliding his hand into his jeans, grasping that hard hard cock; god, it was amazing just how hard he got. Youth, he'd thought, smiling into their kisses, heart flipping at the way Hidan moaned against his mouth as he forced the zip of his fly down further with the back of his hand, not wanting to let go for the half second it would take to do it properly. He could still see a reddened mark along the side of his wrist where he hadn't cared about the chafing of it in his eagerness to hear him moan like that again. And all he'd been able to think was I love him, I love him so much.

But that wasn't something he was anywhere near ready to share. He even felt a little ashamed of himself now. Who doesn't feel something like love with their cock in someone's mouth? he asked himself.

"You'd've been pestering me all the way home if I hadn't done something about it," he said lightly, not able to resist the cowardly impulse to shy away from his over-intense feelings, but trying to take the sting out of it all the same. Still, Hidan gave a sulky little exhale and turned to look out of the window.

Of course, he couldn't keep quiet for long.

"Hey, we even had a conversation about fucking culture!" he pointed out. "You should be extra pleased with me - I'm being the perfect fucking travelling companion!"

"We had two," Kakuzu acknowledged urbanely, putting his foot down as the traffic started to speed up. They were coming up to the Heathrow Junctions now. Getting there. "Now, why should that surprise me anyway? Isn't that what you're all about?"

Hidan laughed incredulously. "I think you're pretty fucking unique in that opinion, Kakuzu! I'm just a hunk of fucking man meat to the fucking culture crowd!"

Kakuzu patted his thigh. "Don't do yourself down, sweetheart. You're a muse!" He shifted up a gear, shooting Hidan a sideways glance to see how he was taking the teasing note in his tone - and whether he'd been forgiven yet for his earlier ungraciousness.

"Ah, fuck off," Hidan said, but cheerfully enough. "Muse, my arse."

"Ah yes, well, it might just be that, I suppose." His next glance was greeted with an obscene gesture. He smiled placatingly, in the mood to humour Hidan now the conversation was on safer ground. "That's the spirit, sweetheart. It does endlessly inspire me, you know. It's very beautiful example of a type I particularly admire-"

"You're heading towards another pit stop, man," Hidan grinned. "Come on, then, is it as beautiful as my cock? I only get to see other people's fucking weird-ass interpretations of it!"

"Don't make me choose!" Kakuzu exclaimed. "They're both sensational. And don't expect me to believe you don't admire it in the mirror every morning."

"It's normally a bit steamy for that by the time I'm done in the shower, man. Hey, look, there's Sasori. We've caught them up again - we can't be making too bad time."

"In that little tin heap? It's really not much of a measure love!" Sasori's a bad driver, he thought, but didn't say. He's hogging the middle lane, and that outrageously pink smartcar is getting seriously pissed off with him. Tailgating now. And can he really not go any faster than that?

In a minute they'd be passing him. Kakuzu hung back a little though. It was on the tip of his tongue to warn Hidan not to lean out and start making obscene gestures, as he knew he would be inclined to do - Sasori could probably do with not having any extra distractions - when the driver of the pink smartcar suddenly decided enough was enough and started to overtake.

Sasori put on a belated burst of speed - or maybe his car was just slow to respond - then finding himself cut up, had no choice but to brake hard.

And then a truck was overtaking another truck and-

"Oh God," said Kakuzu, his face suddenly an immobile mask as he stepped hard on the brakes and swerved just in time to avoid being hit by the car behind them.

It took Hidan a second longer to process the information in front of him.

"Shit!" he screamed. Time seemed to slow down. He watched Sasori's car just seem to be nudged by the lorry - which carried on as if nothing had even happened - then inexorably spinning across the lanes of traffic, crunching into the pink car ahead, then colliding devastatingly with the car which had just shot past them and couldn't stop in time. It flipped over then, and it seemed to Hidan that it actually changed direction in the air and came towards them. "Oh my fucking God!" he cried, limp with terror.

But Kakuzu was utterly calm, and whatever he was feeling, he didn't allow it to affect the way he handled his car. While Hidan was still screaming, he brought them safely to a shockingly abrupt stop on the central reservation. "Stay here!" he barked. Hidan was too shocked to do anything else anyway. He watched Kakuzu get out of the car and race across to the flipped little Ford. Dazedly, he looked back, and saw other cars stopping behind them. He could hear horns blaring, the squealing of brakes, the clatter and crunching of other, minor collisions as the motorway rumbled to a halt.

With shaking hands he undid his seatbelt, and checking that nothing was still coming, he cautiously got out. He started over towards Kakuzu, who called to him without looking up, "Hidan, bring the case under the driver's seat." He ducked into the car again, trembling all over now, and brought out the case. He recognised it from the train. It was Kakuzu's specialised First-Aid Kit. He started over towards Kakuzu again. The road was littered all over with broken glass and pieces of car. It seemed incredibly wide. The westbound side sped on surreally, pale ovals of faces turned to glance detachedly at the devastation, then whisked away.

"OK," said Kakuzu as he put the case down beside him where he was laying a bloody and deeply unconscious Deidara on the road. "Now call 999 and hold the phone to my ear while I try and contain this haemorrhage." There was a brisk emotionlessness about him that made Hidan's stomach knot up. Deidara was hyperventilating in a pool of blood; he stared at him, disbelieving.

"Shouldn't we get Sasori out too?" he asked as he tried to flick his phone open with trembling fingers.

"Sasori's dead, Hidan," Kakuzu said curtly.

And Hidan looked into the flipped Ford and there was really no question. Sasori hung from his seatbelt as lifeless as one of his freaky puppets. Half his head wasn't there. A little old lady lay in a crumpled heap in the back. He didn't need to ask about her either.

"Hidan." Kakuzu's voice was hard and urgent. "Don't look at that. I need you here. For God's sake make that phonecall!"