Right! So after the bombshell I dropped last time I felt like I should update pretty quickly! We pick up right where we left off...

(A little bit of explanation: if you're not British, you might not know A&E stands for Accident and Emergency, the equivalent of American ER. An ODP is an Operating Department Practioner - a kind of specialised nurse for surgery. Reducing a fracture means to put the bones back in the right place! And MSF is Medecin Sans Frontiere.

Hidan gazed around him. He could hear his own breathing coming in short rapid gasps. He tried to get it back to normal; it didn't seem to be possible. He held his rosary so tight he could feel the symbol of Jashin cutting into his palm, then forced himself to take as deep a breath as he could. All that did was fill him with the smell of blood - and although that was something he normally associated with spiritual calm it now seemed meaty and foetid, and mixed with a chemically burning smell. It made him cough, then almost retch. He clapped his hand over his mouth. Man the fuck up! he berated himself. What the fuck are you like?! He looked around him again, desperately trying not to look at Sasori, and, I know that car, he thought, looking at the one that had passed them. Where do I know that car from? No-one was emerging from it, anyway.

Kakuzu was talking smoothly and rapidly to the 999 operator, reeling off their exact location without hesitation, then a whole lot of medical terminology that in his shocked state Hidan couldn't even begin to get his head around. "We need the air ambulance here - half an hour is much too long! No, I don't need to be talked through it, I was with Medecin Sans Frontieres in Bosnia for heaven's sake!" An impatient growl. "Well then I guess I'll just do what I'd do in a fucking war zone then! Christ, are we in the fucking third world here?!"

As Kakuzu ended the call and held the phone out to him, muttering, "fucking cretins," Hidan realised he was hyperventilating now and Kakuzu was staring at him with an exasperation that seemed to border on disgust. "Take it!" he said, shaking the phone at him. His voice was harsh and Hidan's hand seemed to move on its own to obey him. He looked at Deidara's arm and saw a shard of bone sticking out, blood pulsing round it in little fountain-like squirts. There was something deeply wrong about the angle of it.

"Hidan!" Kakuzu said sharply, increasing the pressure he was applying above the wound. "Hidan, listen to me! It's going to be very difficult stop the bleeding with the bone like this. We could tourniquet but if we do that for long he'll lose the arm." Hidan seemed transfixed, but he wasn't sure anything he was saying was getting through to him. He felt for a pulse in Deidara's wrist, felt and felt again, and didn't find one. "Well," he said, talking to Hidan just because it helped to order his thoughts. "The position of the bone is compromising circulation. If we don't do something soon he'll lose it anyway. The air ambulance has gone out to another emergency and they think it could be half a fucking hour before they get through by road."

Hidan had never heard Kakuzu swear this much before; he seemed like a completely different man. He was looking at penetratingly at him, and yet in a way it didn't feel like he was being seen at all. It was as though a shutter had come down over any part of him that could feel and Hidan had a sudden horrible flash of insight into how it might be to have him turn on him - this is what it would be like, he thought. He could fuck me up now and he wouldn't feel a thing.

"Hidan," Kakuzu said again, insistently now, getting equipment from his case one-handed while keeping pressure on Dei's arm. "This isn't something I can do on my own. I'm going to need your help." He looked up at Hidan, dazed and white, shocked and panicked, yes, but at least not shying away from the carnage. "Focus, Hidan! I need you here!"

Hidan shook his head and jerked himself back to reality. What the fuck are you like? he berated himself again. He has to fucking ask you to help him? Get a grip on yourself!

"I have to warn you, it's not a nice procedure," Kakuzu was saying sternly, "if you don't think you're up to it then tell me now and we'll save Deidara without his arm."

"Fuck that!" Hidan knelt down beside him in the blood and glass. "Dei"s a fucking artist! He's not losing it! No fucking way."

Kakuzu's expression softened - just for a moment. He put a hand on Hidan's shoulder. "We can fix this," he said intensely, squeezing hard. Then the shutters were down again. "Just don't for Christ's sake bail on me halfway through."

"I'm not going to fucking bail on you," Hidan took another deep breath. "What do I need to do?" he asked.

"Gloves on before you get anywhere near that." Kakuzu pointed in the case and Hidan started forcing his unresponsive fingers into latex that seemed to catch and snag at every turn. Kakuzu's eyes were on him; he didn't say anything but his impatience was palpable. "Keep pressure here - we've got an arterial bleed," he said, the second Hidan ready. He let Hidan take over from him; blood spurted out of the wound alarmingly as they changed over.

"I'm going to get a line in him, he's in danger of going into hypovolemic shock," Kakuzu said, expertly slipping a cannula into Deidara's undamaged arm and taping it down. He checked him over for head injuries, rolling back his eyelids, shining a light into his eyes - he seemed to be satisfied with what he found. Hidan watched him, biting his lip bloody with anxiety. "Stop that," Kakuzu snapped at him.

He connected a bag of clear liquid. "It's only saline," he said. "But at least it'll help his blood pressure." He laid a prepped syringe ready in the case. "Ketamine, if we need it. We're lucky to have these," he added. "I got them in for you, just in case you decided to slice yourself up again. Though what he really needs now is a blood transfusion." Hidan didn't say anything, just kept his eyes fixed down on Dei's arm. Blood was still flowing out, though he seemed to have the spurting under control. "If my assessment is correct he'll be coming round once his fluid levels are up a bit," Kakuzu warned him, improvising a stand for his makeshift drip out of the back of his case. "He is concussed and there's been major blood loss but there are no obvious signs of severe head injury. Try to keep him calm if he's lucid at all, keep an eye on his airways-"

He inspected the wound. "Luckily this seems pretty clean, and the amount of blood loss has flushed it out a fair bit, but I'm going to irrigate it with my other pack of saline - we might well want it later, but, well." He stopped a moment, looking at Hidan, then just exhaled and shook his head a little. "Right." He increased the flow of the drip. "Just keep holding."

It seemed to take an interminable amount of time. Kakuzu got Hidan's phone back out of his pocket and photographed the wound from various angles. "Whoever operates on this is going to need to know what they're dealing with," he murmured, more to himself than Hidan now. He removed any visible debris, then pierced his second pack of saline and syringed it over the wound, over and over and over. "We could use ten times this much, easily," he muttered. People were starting to flock around them; Kakuzu sent them off to the other cars with effortless authority, without even stopping to look up. "If there's anyone conscious get them lying down in the recovery position, try to stop any bleeding, keep them warm," he called out. "Honestly," he muttered to Hidan. "Why can't people learn basic first aid? Why don't they teach it school?"

Hidan's hands started to ache, then his fingertips went numb. He wasn't sure if it was the pressure or shock; he wasn't going to mention it to Kakuzu though. He felt that he was probably low enough in Kakuzu's esteem already.

"I'm going to want you to grip his upper arm here-" Kakuzu indicated as he worked. "And here. This ... isn't going to be nice," he warned. "They take people on proper anaesthetic down to the basement to do this in big hospitals -" he grasped Deidara's elbow, "so that the other patients can't hear them scream. I'm going to manipulate the bone. You just hold, exactly as I've shown you; I'll do all the moving. Got it?"

Hidan nodded grimly. "Got it." he said.

"There's also inevitably going to be quite a bit more blood loss because you're not going to be able to put pressure directly on the artery like you are now. Don't panic," - his eyes bored into Hidan's to emphasise this - "just be ready to put the pressure back on if I tell you to."

"OK."

And then Deidara stirred. "It's OK, man, we've got you," Hidan tried to make his voice normal, but to his ears it sounded shot through with tragedy.

Kakuzu was already emptying the contents of his syringe into the IV. "Now he's awake we don't really have much choice about that ketamine - we'll just give it a moment."

Blue eyes fluttered open, fluttered closed.

"Hidan?" Deidara's voice was hoarse and faint. "Where's Sasori?"

But before Hidan could begin to answer he'd started making awful gasping moans, sucking in air, close to hyperventilating again. "Fuck, Hidan, fuck, something's wrong with me," he managed to force out. Hidan leaned over him, desperately trying to keep him from thrashing around, and with a horrified start of recognition he knew what the weird dry heaving that Dei was doing now was all about.

"Shit, man he's gonna vom," he told Kakuzu, panic in his voice, and Kakuzu didn't hesitate.

"Turn him to one side!" he said calmly, firmly. He got a hand under Deidara's head, all the time also supporting under the wounded arm and trying to keep it level, and together they supported him round as he vomited uncontrollably onto the tarmac.

That done, he collapsed limply back, eyes glazed. Thin greenish liquid trailed from his mouth. Choking breaths seemed to wrack his whole body.

"Don't worry," Kakuzu said. "That's a fairly common reaction. Just get his airway clear."

"I don't know fucking how, Kakuzu!" Hidan wailed. "I've never done shit like this before!"

"Finger sweep to make sure there's nothing left in his mouth, then tilt his chin up. Then new gloves." Kakuzu's tone was determinedly betraying nothing, no irritation or impatience - but Hidan could feel the effort involved. "Quickly, Hidan," he added sharply a second later. "He's losing a lot of blood - I can't keep enough pressure one handed."

Hidan fumbled the gloves onto the tarmac, got the new pair on a bit quicker this time, and resumed his bruising grip. They took a moment to breathe. Kakuzu stared intently at the angle of the protruding bone. Deidara just moaned gently now.

"Right!" Kakuzu said finally. "Now, hold him how I showed you. We need to do this now!"

Hidan shifted his grip, and Kakuzu started manipulating the arm. Hidan couldn't believe the low-tech brutality of it - it moved horribly, wrongly, with a liquid, squelching, crunching sound. Deidara screamed, low and rasping, before his whole body convulsed and then went limp. The bone shard slid inwards and Hidan watched with sick fascination as Kakuzu eased the arm around in a way it really really shouldn't go. He couldn't look at Dei's face now; he just focused on Kakuzu, and on holding Dei absolutely immobile as he started to come to again, gasping and retching, his whole body trying to pull away from the pain.

"OK, there it is," Kakuzu muttered. "I can feel it - - just a little more - - OK. I want you to pull just a fraction Hidan-"

Hidan wasn't expecting that, but he eased Deidara's shoulder back towards him a fraction and Kakuzu's face was suddenly illuminated. "There!" he cried. "That's it! We got him, we got him!"

He snatched out bandages and what looked like a slice of the stiffened foam interior of the case. "Hold there," Kakuzu pointed. "No, there!" He took Hidan's hands one by one and placed them, all the time keeping Deidara's arm supported with his other hand; then he was bandaging a makeshift splint in place and, "I'm going to have to do an interim repair on the artery," he muttered. "It'll be a mess but without any more fluids to give him there's no other option. We can't let him bleed any more."

Hidan did as he was told and watched Kakuzu. Hard as he was pressing, blood was still oozing out. He didn't see how Kakuzu could see what he was doing at all, but his movements were so sure and incredibly quick. "Where is the fucking ambulance?!" he exclaimed as he worked. "This is a fucking disgrace." He lifted his head a little. "Start releasing pressure now," he said. "OK. A bit more. Good. We can deal with that." He pressed a sterile dressing onto the wound and bandaged it in place.

Then he was feeling for a pulse in Dei's wrist again. Hidan sat back on his heels and watched him warily. "OK, the circulation's back in the arm, but his pulse is weak." He felt the other wrist. Frowned a little. He didn't explain any more to Hidan, but why would he? It must be utterly obvious to him that Hidan didn't understand. He ducked his head down a little, looked back at Dei.

"Deidara," he said. "You still with us man?"

"Keep talking to him," Kakuzu's hands were over his now, taking the gloves off him, turning them inside out as he did so - so that's how you do it, he thought - he could feel himself start to tremble again just from the proximity to him in this strange detached state. "Talk," he said again. "It'll be much easier for me to spot any changes in his level of consciousness if he's talking to you..." His voice was softer and he looked ahead at the deserted motorway, eyes narrowed. Hidan shifted down on the tarmac so his head was just above Deidara's and stared into his half-closed eyes.

"Dei," Hidan said. "Hey, Deidara! Dei, man?"

"What is it Hidan?" Deidara's speech was slurred now, "Leave me alone. I'm tired."

"No, I need you to stay awake now OK? Just stay with me?"

"What's going on Hidan?" Deidara's voice was faint and hoarse. "I'm cold. Shit, I think I'm really fucking wasted, man, what the fuck did I take? I feel numb..."

"It's just K, man," Hidan took off his jacket and laid it over him; met Kakuzu's eye and swiftly looked away. "You've just dropped bit more than you're used to. Don't worry. We've got you. We're sorting you out, OK?"

"You could've told me he uses ketamine recreationally!" Kakuzu hissed at him. "It could have affected his response!"

"OK! I'm sorry!" Hidan's voice was high with tension and misery. "I didn't know-"

"Alright! Forget about it," Kakuzu cut him off. "For heaven's sake, now's not the time!" He tucked the jacket closer around Deidara on his side, detached the now empty saline bag from the IV and used his case to get Dei's legs elevated.

Dei opened his eyes again, "What's wrong, hm?" he said to Hidan, his voice full of incongruously tender concern. "Hey, you're covered in blood, man, what've you done this time?"

"It's alright Dei, I'm fine-"

Hidan got hold of his hand, and Deidara gripped back surprisingly hard, "Yeah, you always say that. You're fucking white as a sheet, Hidan, hm," he slurred.

"I'm naturally pale, man, don't fucking worry about it,"

"Was there an explosion? Are we in the studio? I ... I feel like I can't move. Why can't I move?" He tried to lift his head, confusion flickered across his face. "At least call Kakuzu, yeah?" he urged Hidan. "Oh fuck, he's gonna be mad isn't he? He's going to flip his shit when he sees the state I've got you in..."

"I'm here, Deidara, everything's fine." Kakuzu's voice, deep and steady. "I'm not flipping my shit."

"Everything's fine," Hidan echoed. "Everything's fine Dei, don't worry." He felt like a traitor saying it; the realisation of just how not fine everything was hit him again and again in waves, a pulsing cycle of disbelief followed by crushing realisation.

Deidara's eyes, drifted closed again and Hidan suddenly found he could hardly see for tears. The scream of sirens up ahead and blue light blurring all around him barely registered; he just kept holding Dei's hand, muttering stupid fucking shit to him, anything he could think of; getting barely coherent replies now.

He became aware of other people moving around them, other voices, Kakuzu's voice, commanding; brisk, stern and utterly in charge. Deidara started gripping his hand harder, his nails digging in, letting out a sudden awful, guttural sounds of pain again. Suddenly Kakuzu was gripping his shoulders. "Hidan, we're moving him. He's not letting go of you, so you're going with him." His head cleared enough to move when he was told to move, and lift when he was told to lift, but beyond that he couldn't focus at all. Everything was a a blur. He felt Kakuzu's hands guiding him into the back of the ambulance and just tried to make himself small and not get in the way.

By the time the ambulance reached the London Royal Hospital, they'd run out of options to help Deidara with the pain and he was alternating between screaming and semi conscious. Oxygen and blood had made him far more aware of what was going on, and the pain he was in. Hidan's head was full of the scream of sirens, Deidara's screams, and the constant stream of medical jargon being batted back and forth all around him. The motion of the ambulance had made him horribly nauseous; it was taking everything he had not to throw up.

He didn't even know how he got from the ambulance to the hospital - the first thing he was clearly aware of was Deidara being whisked away by the waiting anaesthetic team as soon as they made it through the doors. Hidan, bereft of his hand, just stood there, trying to get used to the brightness, trying to get his head to stop spinning. He felt Kakuzu's hand on his shoulder. "My friend is in some considerable shock," he heard. "Can someone please treat him?" My friend? he thought incredulously, and in the moment couldn't really rationalise why it hurt so much. He became aware of Kakuzu looking down at him, his expression unreadable. He stared back, weighed down with a sense of failure, of having been a useless, fumbling disappointment. And with that grounding him, the rest of his surroundings began to swim into focus.

The first thing he noticed was that someone was making a hell of an entrance; a man with long white hair, cold-eyed and resolute, striding through the lobby simultaneously as though he owned the place and as if if was completely beneath him to even set foot here. "Right!' he cried out to everyone and no-one. "Does anyone want to tell me what the hell has been going on? Are passers-by taking over orthopaedics now? Am I out of a job? Do we have fucking House to blame for this as well? Or is this more Scrubs territory?! I'm perfectly happy to go back to Sudan if I'm not needed here!" And then he suddenly stopped declaiming and made a beeline right for them.

"Kakuzu?!" he exclaimed. It was as if Hidan wasn't even there. "Kakuzu, good god!"

"Kimimaro!" Kakuzu was actually almost smiling. "I didn't even dare to hope you'd be-"

"No don't tell me!" Kimimaro interrupted, "You're the maverick roadside reducer! Well, if I'd known that..! Why did nobody say?! Didn't anyone recognise you?"

"Kim, it's been over 15 years." Kakuzu protested. "Your initial assessment of the situation is probably a lot nearer the mark!"

"Haha, so you heard me just then!" Kimimaro laughed slightly manically. "I get so fucking hacked off with amateurs thinking their television habits make them interchangeable with qualified healthcare professionals! But you! This is a bit different! This is life saving field surgery we're talking about!"

"Yes," Kakuzu said tersely. "Yes, and honestly, it felt like Srebrenica back there. I did think about how you'd've managed it." He hesitated. "It's ... good to see you, Kimimaro. I didn't realise you were back in the UK."

Back five years now," Kimimaro said, suddenly more serious. Then almost as quickly he was back to his flamboyant archness.

"I should fucking think it is good to see me - you're not going to find anyone better to sort out your little blond friend, are you? You'll have taken pictures for me, then?"

"Hidan?" Kakuzu said, and Hidan wordlessly produced his phone.

"Let's see," said Kimimaro, eyes sliding over Hidan, up and down before flicking back to Kakuzu, then back to the phone again. "Ooh, yes, oh my, that didn't want to wait half an hour - you did the right thing!" He nudged Kakuzu slyly. "But you know that of course." He flicked through the rest of the pictures Kakuzu had taken, then raised an elegant eyebrow as he came across a nude selfie of Hidan. "Well, well, someone's a gym bunny, aren't they?" he remarked. "Get these up on the screen, would you," he said, handing the phone to one of his juniors without so much as a by-your-leave; already it seemed that Hidan was completely off his radar. "Oh! My God!" He turned back to his team, lightly holding Kakuzu's arm. "This guy was the shining star a few years before me and Dr. Yakushi. It's a crime that you left medicine, Kakuzu. An absolute travesty. Well, what are you waiting for! Scrub up!"

"What? Kim, I'm not-"

"Yes! Yes, you're coming in. I need you to tell me everything you observed about the wound; I want to know everything you did and the clock's ticking. No, come on. I'm not taking no for an answer - you started this, you can see it finished!"

"Kakuzu," Hidan began desperately, putting two and two together finally.

Kimimaro's cold eyes rested on Hidan again for half a second. "Nurse, treat this man for shock, would you?" he said. "What is he doing still on his feet?"

"Hidan," Kakuzu said over his shoulder. "I'll be back soon -" Kimimaro would only want him for a few minutes, surely. A couple of nurses had wrapped him in a blanket and were giving him sips of water - he'll be fine, he told himself. I'll be back before they're happy to discharge him anyway.

"That your new ODP is it, Kakuzu?" Hidan heard Kimimaro say. "Ha! You've outdone yourself this time! If he helped you with that reduction I've got some time for him though!"

"Hidan's not exactly squeamish," Kakuzu said flatly.

"Well, watch out he doesn't get too capable - you know you've never really liked playing with anyone on your own level," Kimimaro said sourly as they turned the corner. Kakuzu made a dismissive sound. Kimimaro had been sweet and serious back in the 90s, if always a little bit of a drama queen. Sure of his purpose, determined to change the world. They'd even had a couple of short flings - only while Kimimaro was a junior though, it was true. Not once he'd started his surgical career. And not while they'd been out with MSF together.

It had only taken Srebrenica about a month to strip Kakuzu of any remaining illusions he'd had about human nature. There hadn't been many left, not after what had happened. Kimimaro's humanitarian instincts had always been much stronger, but it would have taken a miracle for that youthful optimism to survive 10 years of conflict after conflict. Easy too to imagine that coming back home after years in war zones must have been a shock to the system, but this brittle overblown ego was sad to see. Still, as he followed him into the Operating Department he couldn't deny a feeling of euphoria rising up in him. The smell, the instruments, Queen pumping out of the stereo. But most of all, the feeling of being in control of the crisis. He could fix this.

Hidan, staring after Kakuzu as he was borne inexorably away, felt the polar opposite of in control. He very nearly burst into tears right then and there. A kindly looking middle aged nurse sat down with him and patted his hand. "Alright, lovely," she said. "Deep breaths now. Your friend's in good hands with Mr. Kaguya."

A few minutes turned into a few hours. They kept Hidan on the ward for quite a while, treating him for shock and getting embedded glass and grit out of his forearm which he hadn't even registered getting there. And then he was discharged. That was when he realised he didn't have anything on him but his old phone - not even his keys or his wallet. It was all in Kakuzu's car, and he didn't even know where that was now - they'd both come in the ambulance, after all - for all he knew it was still on the side of the motorway.

One of the nurses showed him to a grim cafeteria to wait. "Is there anyone you can call, honey?" she asked. "It seems like Mr Kaguya is keeping hold of your boyfriend for the time being!"

"I- I guess." He hadn't even thought of calling anyone. The idea of Kakuzu hobnobbing with that surgeon made him feel - not even jealous - more deeply inadequate. Kakuzu probably ought to be with someone like that. They probably had all kinds of history too. He could feel his self esteem spiralling lower and lower as if it was being sucked down a giant emotional plughole and his heart started to beat faster again. The tenuous grip he'd managed to get on his emotional state was quickly slipping.

"I think you should have someone with you, love." The sympathy in the nurse's face was too much - Hidan couldn't look at her. "I'll page through to theatre and see if I can find out what's going on," she said. She seemed to sense his discomfort and took on a slightly brisker, cheery tone. "You get on the phone - I don't want to see you all by yourself when I check in on you!"

"OK," he said meekly, looking at the floor. "Thank you." He got his phone out of his pocket and stood there holding it until she'd gone. He had a sudden vivid memory of standing at a payphone in another grimy canteen as a young teenager, trying to call his mum, hearing the phone ring and ring at the other end. He wished he could call her now and the thought made his stomach lurch with misery.

That made him realise he hadn't eaten since breakfast, and he bought a kitkat from a vending machine with the small change in his pocket. Then he found a deserted corner, sat down at a grubby round table and looked through his contacts. Who to call? He scrolled all the way to the end without seeing a single person he felt he could bear to break the news to; then he called Zetsu, because there was no-one else left.

"Zetsu, man?" His voice sounded unexpectedly ragged. "There's-" He swallowed hard. "There's been an accident. Sasori's fucking dead, man. Dei's in surgery now—" Suddenly he found the tears he'd been holding back trickling uncontrollably down his cheeks. For his friends, for himself, for the easy fun relationships that were fucked now; at the horrible strip lighting in this grim cafeteria and the detached kindness of the nurses and for Kakuzu, swallowed up whole by his past and clearly unable to let himself think for even a second about what had happened to Sasori. "Fuck, Zetsu," he choked out, "I don't know what to do. What the fuck should I do?"

"Hold on, man, hold on. Slow down." Zetsu was saying, "Which hospital are you at?"

"The - the Royal London, I think."

"And where's Kakuzu?"

"In theatre too."

"What, is he hurt?"

"No, man, no, all his old fucking surgeon buddies took him in. He's with Dei."

Hidan took a bite of the kitkat and that made him start to sob in earnest. "Hey, hey," he heard Zetsu saying, and he was clearly trying his best to sound soothing and calm. "Stay where you are, OK, we'll come and get you."

"What the fuck else am I going to do?" he choked out, through chocolate and tears.

"It's OK, man, we'll be with you in a few minutes, alright? Just try and keep it together till then, OK? Stay where we can find you."

"Aand- and Hidan? Don't, fucking... do your thing, okay? That would be a really bad idea right now, if you're thinking about it, okay, man? Yeah?"

"Yeah," Hidan whispered, snapping his phone shut. He put his head down onto his arms and shut his eyes tight. He squeezed his rosary tight in his hand, tried to pray, couldn't pray, just tried to shut everything out instead. Everything he'd been starting to be so sure about began to seem wavering and full of doubt. Dei's going to die, he thought suddenly, utter certainty about that. And probably because I couldn't do what Kakuzu needed me to. If I'd been quicker he wouldn't have lost so much blood; shit, fucking so much blood. I've never lost anything like that much and I'm twice his size! Maybe he's already died and no-one's told me. Maybe Kakuzu's just gone. And who could fucking blame him? He pictured Kakuzu driving wearily home, closing the door behind him; closing the door on this chapter of his life. Telling himself it was a mistake, most easily rectified by simply withdrawing and never looking back.

He tried to remember the reasons why Kakuzu wouldn't do that, the things he'd said to him that ought to make a difference. I really do care about you. You're unbelievable. You're the light of my life. The sweet little names he had for him; love; sweetheart; babe; did any of it mean anything? He couldn't keep hold of them in his head, couldn't hear Kakuzu's voice saying them anymore.

Instead, 'you're just creating demand for yourself,' rang in his ears. 'Just in case you decided to slice yourself up again,' - complete with that edge of incredulous distaste. He shivered slightly. He realised he'd never got his jacket back and while it wasn't exactly cold, he wanted the comfort of something around him. He missed the blanket they'd given him back in A&E.

Don't do your thing, Zetsu had said. Well, for once he didn't need to be told; he'd had enough of blood for one day. Getting wasted seemed like a better option - if he could've dropped a massive dose of K he'd've done it without hesitation. He couldn't deal with thoughts like this. He scratched at a dried up mark on the table top, choked back the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm him again.

Even Jashin is probably disgusted with me right now, he thought. Maybe that's why I can't pray. Maybe I'll never be able to again. Maybe he's turned away from me. Why couldn't I take Dei's pain for him? The way he screamed in the ambulance... Fuck. Fuck! I'm sorry, Dei. I'm so fucking sorry...

Tobi and Zetsu found him still like that when they arrived half an hour later, and it was probably fortunate that they'd left their combined array of mind-altering substances in the car because neither of them had a clue what to do for him. He'd remembered how to pray by then, and he was counting through the beads on his rosary, the symbol of Jashin actually cutting into his palm enough to bleed a little. He looked up at them from red-rimmed eyes. They sat down either side of him and tried to comfort him, but Tobi was halfway to being in as bad a state and there wasn't really anything anyone could say to make things better.

Over the next hour, the Akatsuki crowd slowly reunited. Broken, diminished, as different from the morning as could possibly be imagined. Konan and Yahiko arrived next - they'd been stuck on the motorway since the accident and had only just made it back to London. Kisame and Itachi appeared shortly after, having heard about the accident on the news.

All of them were dismayed at Hidan's state, and all firmly of the opinion that he should be taken home, but he flatly refused to leave without Kakuzu. Very soon Tobi started to become frantic with anxiety about Deidara, and in the end Zetsu and Yahiko took him home instead. Kisame and Itachi started to make phone calls, trying to contact Sasori's estranged family; soon, they were both fielding calls from the media as well. Even in his dazed and spaced-out state, Hidan realised a lot of it was about Kakuzu. There were pictures and videos people had made at the scene all over the internet - no-one let him see anything though. Konan brought him a cup of tea and a sandwich he couldn't eat despite feeling hollow and dizzy with hunger, then just sat with him, holding his hand. And they waited and waited and waited.

It wasn't until Kimimaro had Kakuzu closing up that he suddenly thought about how long this must've taken, and the fact that Hidan probably wasn't on the ward anymore, and that no-one there knew what Hidan tended to do when he got anxious. He paused a moment and Kimimaro leant in. "That's fucking beautiful work, Kakuzu," he said. "Plastics are going to be so fucking pissed that we did this without them - hey, what's up?"

"Hidan," Kakuzu said, not looking up. "Can you send someone to see if he's alright?"

"Shit, yes, of course! Look, uh, page Kabuto, someone!" he called to his team. "He should lording it around A&E by now. Get him to find out where they've put Kakuzu's boyfriend." He leant in again, and quieter now, "Kakuzu, I'm really keen for you to finish this because no-one from plastics will be available for hours and none of these cretins can do anything like the job you can. You've still got it! But I do understand if you need to go. I probably shouldn't have drafted you in after you'd been in a car crash..."

Kakuzu glanced up at him. "Come on, I didn't crash," he said dismissively. "I'll finish this. But yes, if Kabuto can check I'd - I'd be grateful. Hidan... Well. Deidara is his best friend, really. He's going to be very anxious."

"Oh. Right. Right!" He raised his voice to his team again. "Get that message off stat and let's let Kakuzu know when we have a reply, ok? He needs to be able to focus here!"

Ten minutes later Kabuto himself slipped into the operating theatre. "Kakuzu, Hidan's surrounded by Akatsuki people, Konan's looking after him, you don't need to worry." Light glinted off his glasses as he leant over to look at Kakuzu's work. "Jesus Christ Kakuzu, why did you ever leave us?" he said.

"That's what I'm representing to him most strongly!" Kimimaro exclaimed dramatically. "Magic hands! He's got magic hands! It's very hard to believe he hasn't been practising!"

"Mm. We need to have a word at some point, Kakuzu," Kabuto added in a discreet murmur. "Ketamine, saline? You were clearly prepared for something."

"Yes, are you a mob doctor or something, Kakuzu?" Kimimaro slipped in. "I wouldn't put it past you!"

"Well, I wasn't prepared for this." Kakuzu started on the final layer of sutures. "Clearly I was prepared to treat pain and blood loss; you don't need a cosy chat to figure that out. Did you speak to Hidan?"

"No, sorry Kakuzu, I didn't have any report on your progress so when I saw the support system around him I thought I'd just nip in and check. I actually had a chat with Konan and Yahiko when they arrived about an hour ago."

"Well, you might as well wait for me now and take me there when I'm done. If your juniors can hold the fort, that is. Kabuto - the crowd out there are all the family this kid has - he's utterly cut off from all his relatives-"

"Not to worry, Kakuzu, Konan was saying the same - we're not going to cut him off from anything that might help his recovery. We're happy to make you or Konan our point of contact."

It was getting dark when they finally left theatre, and Kakuzu was glad to have Kabuto with him to face everyone's questions - Kimimaro had already swanned off to see the patient who'd been bumped down his list by the emergency, since he had no genuine next of kin to see.

But as they traipsed down a long and dismal strip lit corridor towards the canteen where Kabuto said Hidan had been sent, he started to feel deeply uncomfortable. The euphoria of the operating room was wearing off and he recognised that this really wasn't the kind of place that Hidan should have been kept waiting for hours. He shouldn't have been waiting anywhere for hours after what had happened, come to that. Someone should have been looking after him. It occurred to him that perhaps that someone should have been him.

He paused in the doorway, scanning the room; took a few hesitant steps after Kabuto. Suddenly he couldn't bear to approach the group of them, couldn't bear to say anything about Sasori, to have to acknowledge what had happened.

But the next second Hidan had clocked him and sent his chair skidding back across the floor as he leapt up. He was across the room in seconds; then faltered and stopped a little short of him. He looked ravaged; dark circles under bloodshot eyes, white as Kakuzu had ever seen him. "Kakuzu?" he said desperately, questioningly; anxiety and pain etched all too clearly onto his face - for a moment Kakuzu was too shocked by his appearance and too tired and broken himself to be able to think how to respond.

Hidan's face fell. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so fucking sorry, I —"

Kakuzu stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his chest, pulling him tight against him as if he could stop his pain by force. "What are you sorry for, idiot? I'm the one who should be sorry!"

"I— I didn't do anything right, I was slow, and stupid, I couldn't do the things you asked me and— is Dei dead? Is it my fault? I should've-"

"Shhh, no! Dei's not dead! He's stable! We think he'll be ok, he should make a full recovery - babe, you did fine! If I hadn't had you there, he'd've lost that arm." He tipped his head back to look into his face. "Baby, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm sorry, okay? I just go into auto-medic mode in situations like that, I — "

"I know - you have to - I know," Hidan ducked his head down again, breathed out hard. "Shit, I'm sorry to be so fucking needy," he said, his voice muffled but clearly utterly abject all the same. "He's really okay?"

"Really okay." Kakuzu assured him. "Stop being sorry." He could feel dampness through the thin material of his scrubs where Hidan's face was pressed against him; he put a hand between his shoulder blades, gently rubbed his back. "It's not so wrong for you to need me," he added quietly.

This loss of confidence, the anxiety in the eyes - he'd seen those changes in a face before. How did this happen? he asked himself. I didn't even mean to hurt him, I just did it, it was thoughtless cruelty, I put him through hell here all by himself while I went and buried myself in theatre. I know he hates being alone at the best of times. I knew he was shaken up. What's wrong with me? And I don't feel better anyway, despite it all. I feel like I'm in pieces.

"Hidan," he said uncertainly - and Hidan looked up then because he'd never heard that tone in Kakuzu's voice before. Again, the state of him was shocking to see. "Damn it!" Kakuzu's voice caught in his throat as he ran a finger over Hidan's bottom lip. "You're dehydrated. Haven't you had anything to drink? Haven't you eaten?" He swallowed hard. "I should've been here. It would've been better for us both. All this," - he gestured around them - "this is ancient history, I should never have let Kimimaro tempt me back." He leaned his cheek against Hidan's temple, exhausted. It suddenly occurred to him that a certain sane, calm voice simply wasn't going to be in his life anymore. The dry humour, the incisive intelligence, the surprising warmth - rare but there when you really needed it. All gone.

"All I've done is delay feeling what's hitting me like a ton of bricks now," he whispered hoarsely. "I've been an idiot. They didn't need me there - Kimimaro just wanted a good dinner party anecdote and an up yours to the plastic surgeons. And I let you down, for that. Can you forgive me, love?"

Hidan got his arms around Kakuzu's neck somehow - he must be on tiptoe - giving himself just enough height to let Kakuzu's head droop down to rest on his shoulder. "You don't have to fucking apologise," he murmured. "You had to do what you had to do. Sasori was your friend most; this is going to fucking shit you up for a while, you know? It's just going to. You don't have to fucking worry about me on top of that. "

Kakuzu sighed. It clearly wasn't true, but he so loved that bravado - and that even at his lowest ebb Hidan could still pull it out of the bag - that he wasn't about to argue the point. He adjusted his grip so that Hidan wouldn't have to suffer the indignity of wobbling over on top of everything else and after a moment of just holding him he realised Konan had appeared beside them. He raised his head - slowly - and placed Hidan firmly on his feet again. "The surgery was a success," he said, though he knew Kabuto would've already told her that. "Deidara's condition is stable, he's in recovery now."

Yes, thank goodness." Konan put a hand on his arm. "Look, you two should go and get some rest. You're both clearly exhausted and you shouldn't forget that you've had the trauma of being in an accident as well. I'll stay here for a while, though I don't suppose we'll be able to see him again today."

"Yes." Kakuzu nodded wearily. "Yes, I agree. There's nothing else we can do for him now. They might let you see him in recovery, Konan - I've explained to the team that he has no family at all and they are sensitive to the emotional state he's going to be in when he hears about Sasori." He looked back at Hidan. "They're going to call us if he asks for you, Hidan - but he's likely not going to be at all coherent for some time."

Konan inclined her head a little - he clearly wasn't telling her anything she didn't know. "I've spoken to Kabuto and he's promised to let me be there when they break the news," she said softly. "I just thought I should warn you," she added, "there's a lot of press outside. I'm not sure where you're parked, but..."

"Thanks Konan; luckily the police brought my car here and apparently it's in the subterranean car park." He turned to Hidan. "We'll need to get the keys from reception. But we won't need to run the gauntlet. This time."

It felt surreal to be back in the BMW. Hidan's rucksack was open in the footwell, douching equipment and lube plainly visible on top - an interesting education for whoever had driven the car here. Kakuzu started the engine, and immediately felt grief and fatigue wash over him.

"I don't want to go home," he said suddenly. He pulled the handbrake back on; killed the engine. "In fact, I'm not even sure I can drive to Hampstead right now."

Hidan took a deep breath. "Let's go back to mine then," he said. "It's seriously just round the corner."

"Yes." Kakuzu started up the engine again. He reached over Hidan, twitched the NHS envelope out of the door pocket and read the address off it, entered the postcode into his satnav.

"You could just ask me," Hidan remarked tiredly. "I do know where I fucking live, you know."

"I know, I know." Kakuzu closed his eyes a moment. "It's just, interaction feels hard right now."

"Even with me?" Hidan's voice was small.

Kakuzu glanced at him. "It won't be. Just-" How could he express it? He just couldn't bear to talk about the mundane humdrum everyday details. "Let's just get out of here," he finished lamely. What he really wanted was to be in bed with Hidan right now, holding him in his arms, letting his body speak for him. He wanted it so desperately he could almost feel it, Hidan's head in the hollow of his shoulder, the solid warmth of him pressed against his chest. He wanted the way Hidan would take the hand of the arm he habitually draped over him and play with the fingertips. He wanted warmth and comfort and quiet and darkness. He was so tired now, as well, that for a moment he actually believed he was there. Then came back to himself with a jolt. Sasori's dead. We're still not home. And things aren't going to be the same anymore.