Chapter 182
Kate was frozen next to Jeremy. "I'm so sorry Kate…. You were amazing though" said Owen.. "Well... not amazing enough" said Kate softly. "You did everything humanly possible. We can't save them all Katy" said Owen. "I know…. I just really wish we could have saved this one" said Kate. "I'll go tell his friends" said Owen and patted Kate on the back. "No… I'll do it, they'll want to hear it from me" said Kate and started moving. "Okay… I'll come with you. Just take a moment" said Owen. "Yeah" whispered Kate. She wiped her sweaty brow with the back of her hand. "Excuse me" she mumbled as a sudden wave of nausea hit her. Owen handed her a bowl without a word. Kate violently vomited into it and gave a few weak coughs. "Fuck" she whispered and turned to the basin in the corner. She splashed her face with hands full of water over and over in an attempt to normalise her racing heart and get rid of her nausea. She dry heaved with her head over the basin again. "It's okay Kate… It's okay" said Owen over and over.
"We need to speak to Ms Quin and her sister as soon as possible please" said a Police officer out in the hallway to Dr Altman. "I understand, but I'm afraid that's not possible right now. She's just not stable enough. Physically or emotionally" said Teddy. "Doc, the sooner we speak to her the better, before she starts filing details away in the back of her mind forever" said the cop. "Isn't it pretty obvious what happened? Do you really need to put her through all this?" asked Teddy. "We do… unfortunately" said the cop. "We'll let you speak with her as soon as possible, that being said…. Soon probably means tomorrow morning only. I'm sorry but my patient's health comes first" said Teddy.
Abby walked into the trauma room and saw Kate lean over the basin. She looked at Jeremy's lifeless body on the table and heard Kate throw up again. "I'm sorry Kate" said Abby and rubbed Kate's back. "I tried Abby… I tried so hard" cried Kate. "I'm sure you did everything you possibly could" said Abby. Kate took a couple of deep breaths to collect herself. "How's Tegan?" she asked still leaning over the basin. "She's okay. Gave us a couple of extra grey hairs there for a minute but she's okay" said Abby. "Was she hurt? Was it only her breathing? I need details Abby" said Kate straightening her back fast, water dripped off her nose and chin. "She's stable… she's fine" said Abby holding onto Kate's shoulders, she proceeded to tell Kate everything she knew about Tegan and the kids' condition. "Oh thank God… What the hell happened?" asked Kate shaking her head.
"What's taking so long? We should have had some kind of news by now" said Sara. Tegan just let out a sob and closed her eyes. Violet peeped into the room. "Violet" said Lindsey. "Hi guys, I heard what happened. I'm so sorry, are you okay?" she asked and sat down on Tegan's bed and patted her knee. Tegan just folded her arms over her body and pulled her legs up, she put her hand in front of her mouth and stared out of the window with bloodshot eyes. She put her thumb nail in her mouth. She shook her head over and over. "I need to see my babies" said Tegan and tried to get up. "Tegan hang on… we'll let you see them just relax, we just need to sort out your antibiotic drips and pain relief. Oh and you need to stay on the oxygen for a while" said Teddy. "I can't feel a thing" said Tegan. "Well you will as soon as that anaesthetic wears off" said Teddy. "I need to see them" said Tegan softly sobbing. "And you will… just give us a few minutes" said Teddy. Tegan lay back looking upset. "Tegan… I'm here if you need to talk" said Violet. Tegan looked at her. "No no… I'm… I'm okay" she mumbled.
Kate pulled off her bloody surgical gown and turned to Owen. "I'm just going to change my shirt. I'll be with you in a minute" she said. She walked into the locker room and paced up and down with her hands in her sides. She played possible ways of sharing the bad news with her friends over and over in her head. None of them were easy. She stopped in front of a locker and punched it. "Fuck" she yelled in tears, holding her hand. "Kate you okay in there" said Owen on the other side of the door. "Yeah, just a sec" said Kate and pulled on a new scrub top.
Kate stood outside the door to the room where Tegan was being treated. "You sure you want to do this?" asked Owen. "No… but I'm doing it anyway" said Kate and put her hand on the door handle. "Courage my friend" said Owen. Kate took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Kate" said Tegan sitting up with difficulty. Kate gave a sad smile. Nobody in the room dared ask what they were all dying to know. Tegan just stared at Kate as she walked towards her bed. Abby looked up at Tegan's heart monitor that was picking up speed again fast. Kate gently took Tegan's hand and put her other hand on Sara's shoulder. "Don't say it… don't you dare say it" said Sara becoming emotional. "Guys… Jeremy was brought in with very serious injuries. We tried to stabilise him for the OR but we couldn't. Jeremy's heart stopped numerous times but he fought back and we were able to operate in the trauma room. There was significant damage to Jeremy's left lung and one of the ventricles of the heart. Some major vascular trauma. Jeremy lost a significant amount of blood… He… um… the damage was just too severe, he went into cardiac arrest and… despite our… best efforts… we weren't able to resuscitate him… he… he" stammered Kate. "No… Noooo…. This can't be…. Nooo" cried Sara. Tegan stared out in front of her emotionless as if she didn't hear what Kate said, her hand was shaking in front of her mouth. "Fix him! …. You can fix him…. You can bring anybody back, you brought Tegan back…. Kaaaate ... fix him" cried Sara. Kate just put her arms around her partner. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…. I tried so hard... we fought so hard" said Kate, in tears again. "Nooo" cried Sara. Lindsey had her face buried in her arms leaning on Tegan's bed and she shook as sobs overcame her. "We tried for over 50 minutes to restore his heartbeat but the damage was just too severe" said Owen. Tegan still stared out in front of her as if her brain switched off. Her breathing becoming more laboured with every breath. "Let's just get the mask back on you Tegan" said Abby. Tegan suddenly snapped out of it. "No" she said slapping away the mask. "Nooo… Jeremy… no" wailed Tegan as she turned on her side and buried her face in a pillow. "I'm so sorry Tegan" said Kate and leaned over to put her arm over Tegan. Tegan just covered her face with her arms as grief overcame her. Kate rubbed her back in silence as Abby struggled to get the oxygen mask back on.
After twenty minutes of no words, only tears, Tegan lay on her side staring out in front of her. She looked at the plastic tube transporting new blood into her body. It suddenly fascinated her. She closed her eyes and saw Jeremy's blood soaked chest in front of her. Her eyes snapped open again. "Can I see him?" she said softly. "I don't know if that's such a good idea Boo" said Lindsey. "I want to see him… I have to see him" said Tegan. "Well… you're officially listed as his next of kin so you have a right to see him if you want to" said Kate, Sara still crying softly in her arms. "Can I see my babies first?" said Tegan. "Okay… Abby's going to take a set of obs and if that checks out we'll take you to go see them" said Kate. Tegan didn't reply but allowed Abby to take her blood pressure, temp and pulse while Teddy listened to her heart and lungs. "Everything seems okay right now. You can go see them. Just try and stay calm and breathe normally" said Teddy. "Is there any family that we can call?" said Abby. "No... we're his family... His parents are both gone and he was an only child. We're his family" said Sara.
Kate pushed a wheel chair up to the bed while Abby helped Tegan get up. She seemed to be in a lot more pain than before but didn't complain and sat down in the chair wordlessly as Kate sorted out her oxygen and IV lines. "You okay for a few minutes while I go with her?" Kate asked Sara. "Yeah… of course… as long as I don't have to go with" said Sara. "Okay" said Kate. "Kate…. Just… please just stay with her… I can't… I just can't see him like this" said Sara. "I'll be right there with her. I'll take care of her" said Kate and kissed Sara's forehead before wheeling Tegan out of the room.
"Shit... I… I need to phone Tom… I need to cancel tomorrow's launch… And I need to phone Kate's parents to let them know… Amelia" mumbled Sara. "I've spoken to Kate's mom. She said that they're fine with Amelia. She's already in bed. They'll keep her as long as you need them to. You take as long as you need" said Abby. "Oh… Okay thanks… Um… Tom" said Sara and fumbled around for her phone. She pulled it out and saw about 10 missed call messages from Tom. "Sara why don't you just sit down and take some time to pull yourself together. I'll go get you a cup of coffee" said Violet. "No, I've got a lot to do" said Sara, clearly in shock. She rubbed her thighs up and down slowly looking distressed. "I don't know where to start" said Sara. "Sara, just take a deep breath. It's going to be okay" said Violet. "Okay? Okay?" said Sara loudly. "It's never going to be okay… ever... that fucking bastard... he killed him... Jeremy's dead... he's gone" said Sara and burst into tears again.
Kate pushed Tegan down the hall to the paediatric section. Lindsey had her hand on Tegan's shoulder. Sonia looked up and saw a fragile looking Tegan being pushed in a wheelchair. "Tegan… I'm so sorry sweetie… are you okay?" she said and gave Tegan a long hug. "I'm okay" whispered Tegan. "I'm so sorry honey" said Sonia again. "Are you okay?" said Tegan and looked at her mom's face. "I'm fine sweetie" said Sonia. Tegan bit her bottom lip in order to not lose control. Alex and Erin hugged her next. Tegan didn't speak.
Casey was sleeping peacefully but Sonia handed Ryan to Tegan. Tegan flinched as she took him. Ryan was obviously very happy to see his mommy. Tegan smiled sadly. "Hey buddy. You being brave for the doctors?" said Tegan softly, close to tears. "He's being such as little angel" said Sonia. "Why do they have these lines and monitors, are they okay?" said Tegan softly and looked up at Kate. "They're just replacing their fluids and keeping an eye on their vitals Tegan. It's nothing to worry about, they're just being thorough" said Kate. Ryan had his hands in Tegan's face and started pulling out the nasal oxygen line. Tegan giggled softly. "I know, I don't like it either" she said. "Mommy needs that monkey" said Lindsey and put the line back in. Tegan stared at Ryan in silence. She softly touched his face. Ryan looked up and smiled, showing his lonely two bottom teeth. "He looks so much like his daddy" said Tegan and started crying softly. She pulled Ryan close to her chest and held him tight. "I love you" she whispered. Lindsey softly rubbed Tegan's back.
"Tom… um… there's been an… an… um… Tom…. Jeremy's dead" said Sara softly into the phone. Sara felt emotion overcome her again as the words left her mouth. She let out a large sob. "Ugh… He… he was shot… it's… it's a long story… Tegan's been admitted, she's not doing so great. Listen Tom can you just get to the hospital" said Sara and held the phone away from her ear as Tom freaked out on the other side. "Well obviously we have to cancel the whole lot…. No, I don't know when we can do it… Fuck Tom… Right now I don't even know how we're going to get through the next day okay… We'll figure it out later" said Sara. She listened to Tom panicking some more on the other side of the line. "The media?… I don't know I don't think so" said Sara. Violet nodded. "They're outside" she said. "Fuck… apparently their on to this already. Tom just get here please" said Sara sounding confused and scared.
After a few minutes of silence with her boy she turned to Lindsey. "Please wheel me over to Casey" she said. Lindsey took Ryan and Kate wheeled Tegan to the bed where Casey was sleeping. "Hey princess. You're so beautiful" she whispered and held Casey's tiny hand in hers. She put her chin on the guard rail of the bed. "Mommy won't let anybody hurt you again… ever" she whispered through her tears. She just stared at her daughter and listened to the steady beeping of the heart monitor.
Tegan looked up at Kate a few minutes later. "I think... I'm ready now" she said softly. Lindsey got up to go with. "No… stay with them" said Tegan. "Baby are you sure… I can come with you?" said Lindsey. "I'm sure… I'll be okay… this is something I need to do alone" said Tegan. "I'll go with her… and then I'll be right outside if she needs me" said Kate. Lindsey went down on her haunches in front of Tegan. She looked into her eyes. "I love you… so incredibly much. I'll be right here when you get back okay… please let them call me if you need me" said Lindsey holding Tegan's hands. Tegan nodded and tried to smile. "Love you" she whispered.
Tegan looked down with her head in her hand, avoiding eye contact with anybody as Kate pushed her to the trauma room. Kate stopped in front of the door and leaned over. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked. "I'm sure" said Tegan. "Okay Tee… couple of nice deep breaths for me" said Kate. "I'm fine okay" said Tegan but did as instructed. "You ready?" asked Kate. Tegan nodded. She closed her eyes as Kate wheeled her in. She felt the chair stop moving and opened her eyes.
The first thing Tegan saw when she opened her eyes was Jeremy's strong cleft chin covered with his trade mark stubble. She immediately started sobbing again. "Jer..." she whispered. She looked at every inch of her friend. His muscular biceps, the variety of needles in his arms, his torso covered in a sheet, the central line going into his neck, the disconnected ECG stickers left on his hairy chest. His face had a bluish tint, she looked at his long dark eyelashes, aristocratic nose, the plastic tube going into his mouth. "Can you take these things out of him" said Tegan sounding emotional. "I'm sorry Tegan… it needs to stay in place for the coroner" said Kate with her hand on Tegan's shoulder. Tegan took Jeremy's hand in hers. "He... feels cold" she said softly. "It looks as if he's just sleeping" she said staring at her friend. Kate didn't reply but simply squeezed Tegan's shoulder, trying to keep her composure. "Could you give us a moment please" said Tegan and looked up at Kate. Kate checked the numbers on the pulse ox meter on Tegan's finger. Everything looked fine and Tegan seemed calm enough under the circumstances. "Of course, I'll be right outside if you need me. Just press this button" said Kate and left the room.
Tegan took Jeremy's hand in both of hers. "Jerry... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry... Why... why did you have to leave me?" she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. She stared at Jeremy for a long time while holding his hand close to her cheek. "Jer... I love you... I love you like a brother. I loved you the first time I laid eyes on you. I knew instantly that we had a connection... And I was right... you've been my rock through so much... God Jer... what am going to do without you?" said Tegan softly and stared crying some more. "Why'd you do it Jer... why'd you jump in front of me... I'm not worth it... I'm not worth your life... I wish... I wish I could just rewind... stop and erase all this" said Tegan sobbing softly.
"You're amazing Jeremy... you're so good... and brave... and sweet... kind... you're so incredible... so lovely... I love you... I love you so much... And you gave me the biggest gift in the world... You gave me two beautiful, perfect babies... and... I'll see you every day, in their eyes... in their smiles... in their beautiful personalities... and I'll miss you every day... every second... They're going to know who their daddy was... that he was amazing... that he loved them so much... that he saved my life" said Tegan and got up slowly from the wheelchair. She softly took Jeremy's broken face in both her hands. "Jeremy" she said softly. "Nooo, why... fuck him... fuck him" she said loudly as her breathing became more and more difficult. She put her arm under Jeremy's neck and pulled his lifeless body up close to her chest. "I love you... I love you... I'm sorry... I don't want to leave you... don't leave me Jer... don't leave me" she sobbed. Tegan was slowly starting to become completely hysterical. "Jeremy... nooooo" she sobbed loudly as her wheezing increased.
Sara sat in the waiting room with her head in her hands. She felt sudden anxiety build up in her chest and felt her breathing and heart rate increase. "Tegan... something's not right with Tegan" she said and got up. "Sara just calm down" said Sonia getting up. "Mom... Tegan's in trouble" said Sara looking distressed. "Okay honey just relax... Violet will go check on her" said Sonia. "Stay here Sara... I'll be back" said Violet and left the room. Sara sat back down and rubbed her thighs nervously. "I shouldn't have let her go in there alone... Something's not right" she whispered staring out in front of her.
Kate came rushing back into the room and saw Tegan holding Jeremy close to her chest. "Okay Tegan... It's okay... let's get you back to bed" said Kate softly. "No... I can't let him go... nooo" cried Tegan. Kate looked at the numbers on Tegan's pulse ox meter. "Tegan please, you need to let us treat you... you need to let him go... let him go Tegan" said Kate trying her best to pry Tegan off Jeremy. "Noooo... Please just a few more minutes... just a few more minutes" mumbled Tegan. "Please Tegan, your breathing is compromised" said Kate calmly. "I don't want to leave him" wheezed Tegan. "Tegan it's not him any more... Jeremy's gone" said Kate. "Save him" wheezed Tegan. "Tee... it doesn't work that way" said Kate and turned open Tegan's oxygen more. "Try again... he can't be gone" cried Tegan hysterically while rocking backward and forward with Jeremy in her arms. "Tegan, please calm down" said Kate softly and pressed the call button. "Give him CPR... shock him... fucking help him" wheezed Tegan and lay Jeremy back down. "I'll do it" she wheezed. She moved to put her hands on his chest. "Tegan no! He's gone... he's gone" said Kate holding Tegan back. "Noooo... Jeremy... Jer" sobbed Tegan in Kate's arms. A nurse came into the room. "Get me a gurney" said Kate calmly as Tegan stared deflating in her arms. "Jeremy... Jeremy" she whispered as her legs started to give way under her.
A/N: Sad chapter :( Hope Tegan's okay. Review please!