Chapter 183
Kate went down on her knees with Tegan in her arms. Tegan felt her muscles go limp, her hearing fade. Images were blurred and Tegan desperately tried to suck in air but her lungs wouldn't let her. Everything went dark. "Tegan, open your eyes" said Kate sounding panicked. "Tegan come on" she said and rubbed Tegan's sternum. She put her ear to Tegan's mouth as a team with a gurney came running in. "She's in respiratory arrest, get an ambubag" shouted Kate and pinched Tegan's nose. She sealed her lips over Tegan's and blew into her friends mouth to breathe for her a few times before the nurse handed her ambubag which se put over Tegan's mouth and nose and started squeezing immediately. "Fuck... she's not moving much air, her sats are down to 80, she's tachycardic" said Kate looking at the pulse ox meter blinking fast. "Let's lift her" said a nurse and an orderly swiftly picked up Tegan's tiny body and put her on the gurney. "Get her into resus" shouted Kate while forcing air into Tegan's unwilling lungs.
"Dammit, her airway's closing up I'm going to have to intubate her. Sux and thio" said Kate. "Sux and thio going in" said the nurse. "What happened" said Teddy running into the room. "She had some sort of panic attack, airways closed in a matter of seconds and she went down. Scope and a size 7 tube please" said Kate. "No wonder with her medical history" said Teddy handing Kate a laryngoscope. "Arbuterol please... BP?" said Teddy. "It's borderline, 75 over 45. Pulse 135" said a nurse. "Cricoid pressure. Can't see the chords she's so clamped up... Okay, I'm in, bag her" said Kate and listened to Tegan's chest with a stethoscope. "Equal air entry but she's tight... get her on an EGC" shouted Kate. "Come on Tegan, take in the air" said Kate looking up at the heart monitor. "Kate we've got this" said Teddy. Kate didn't move. "Dr Morgan this is not your patient" said Teddy. "Like hell she's not" shouted Kate. "Let's get another chest x-ray" said Teddy shaking her head.
"Tegan!" shouted Sara as she entered the room a few minutes later. "What's going on... oh god what happened?" shouted Sara. "Sar... she's okay... we've managed to stabilise her" said Kate. "What... what happened?" asked Sara looking scared and confused. "She went into severe respiratory distress... we had to intubate her to get her breathing and get oxygen levels up. She's okay... the drugs are working, her airways are opening up" said Kate. "She was fine a few minutes ago... she was fine... Kate, you fucking fix her" shouted Sara. "We will Sara... just calm down and wait outside" said Kate. "No... I'm not leaving her" said Sara stubbornly. "Pulse ox up to 93, heart rate stabilising... 86. Pressure's up to 105 over 70" said a nurse. "You hear that... she's okay... she's going to be fine Sara" said Kate. Sara was shaking uncontrollably. "Just come outside with me and sit down" said Kate. "Don't you leave her, don't leave her, please!" shouted Sara. "Baby she's fine... Dr Altman is here with her... come with me" said Kate calmly. Sara refused to move. "Alright Sar... it's okay... you stay here... I'm going to speak to Lindsey and Sonia now" said Kate. "Are you sure she's okay?" Asked Sara. "Yes... I won't lie to you" said Kate. "We're going to keep her intubated in ICU so we can help her breathe for the night, tomorrow morning we'll take the tube out if everything goes well and then... hopefully... she'll be able to go home in a day or two" said Kate.
"Please just let me stay with her" said Sara through her tears. "Okay sweetie… she's alright" said Kate and hugged Sara tight. She walked outside and rubbed her neck. "Kate? I heard what happened with Tegan. She okay?" asked Owen. "Yeah, looks like it. I had to intubate her to get her O2 levels up. She's stable now" said Kate. "Are you? Okay I mean?" said Owen. "Sure… excuse me" mumbled Kate.
"Kate, where's Tegan?" asked Lindsey looking confused as Kate walked into the room. "Linds… sit down please" said Kate looking shaken up. "What? What happened? Where is she" said Lindsey. "Let's go outside, don't want to wake the kids up" said Kate. Lindsey and Sonia followed her outside. "Where is she?" asked Lindsey, close to tears. "Let's sit down" said Kate.
"Teetee… it's Sara… I'm right here okay. Hang in there, you're going to be okay. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere" said Sara holding Tegan's limp hand. "Why did this happen?" asked Sara. "She had another anxiety attack and her lungs just couldn't cope. Her earlier attack coupled with the residual damage to her lungs due to her medical history just sent her into respiratory arrest… her lungs just seized up" said Teddy. "Hang on… she stopped breathing?" said Sara sounding horrified. "Yes... But, She's okay Sara" said Teddy. "Why did she have this attack… she was calm… she was okay" rambled Sara. "Sara, sometimes a dam wall just breaks. This was a lot to take in and seeing her friend like that, and well, something just... snapped" said Teddy. "I shouldn't have let her go in there alone… or at all actually" said Sara. "Sara… she needed to do this… she needed some closure" said Violet. "Doesn't look as if she got it, does it" said Sara sarcastically.
"I don't understand? She's not breathing?" asked Lindsey in tears. "Linds, we've got her intubated right now to help her breathe, to get some drugs into her lungs that will open her airways. We're monitoring her lung and cardiac function very closely right now. We'll keep her sedated and ventilated for the night, she really needs the rest" said Kate. "Can she breathe on her own?" asked Lindsey. "Right now… I doubt it. Tomorrow morning… yes, well maybe... probably" said Kate. "Is she going to be okay though? God Kate she can't go through all this trauma again…. She can't spend weeks in ICU again. Please let her be okay" said Lindsey, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Linds, try and calm down. I have every hope to have Tegan's airways under control by morning. Once we do, we can take her off the vent. After that I anticipate another night in hospital for observation before she should be able to go home" said Kate. "If everything goes according to plan right" said Lindsey. "Yes… if everything goes according to plan" said Kate. "But there's a chance that it won't, that she'll deteriorate instead of improve…. I mean… she's still got a stab wound too and… and... a crazy medical history... And..." stammered Lindsey with her hands in her hair. "Let's try not to think about that okay. She needs positive energy right now. We all know that Tegan's a fighter" said Kate. "But…" said Lindsey crying. "The stab wound is under control, we just need to make sure it doesn't get infected" said Kate. "I'm going to be sick" said Lindsey and paced around look pale. Sonia was quiet and looked as if she was about to feint. "Meanwhile, we're going to get you settled into a ward Sonia, and we're going to get the kids into the paeds ward" said Kate. "I'm okay, I don't need to be admitted. I want to stay with Tegan" said Sonia. "Please Sonia, just for observation. Just for the night" said Kate. "But..." said Sonia. "It's not up for discussion Sonia, sorry" said Kate. "Please take me to Tegan" said Lindsey.
Kate walked up to ICU with Lindsey. "I can't believe we're here again" said Lindsey softly. "I know… I'm sorry" said Kate. She led Lindsey into Tegan's room. "Tegan… baby" said Lindsey and immediately started sobbing when she saw her wife attached to heart monitors, IVs and a breathing machine. "Hi my love… oh sweetie… I love you so much" said Lindsey and kissed Tegan's hand over and over. Kate walked over to Sara who was on the other side of Tegan's bed, holding her hand. Kate put her hands on Sara's shoulders and squeezed them. Sara leaned back against Kate's body and put her free hand on Kate's. Sara's eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She watched Tegan's chest move up and down rhythmically in time with the ventilator's hissing. "Dr Altman says she's still stable. Blood pressure is up, heart rate stabilising, oxygen levels improving" said Kate. She moved to Tegan's side and proceeded to listen to her heart and lungs for herself. "Sounds better, lungs are opening up already" said Kate. Lindsey softly touched the cut and bruise in the corner of Tegan's mouth where Jonathan hit her. "What did that animal do to you" Lindsey cried. Sara stared at her sister. "I hate this… I hate seeing her like this" Sara cried.
"Lindsey, the kids are settled into the paeds ward" said Abby softly. "Thank you, I want to stay here but I need to be with them" said Lindsey looking torn. "It's okay, go! We'll stay with Tegan. She'll want you to be with the kids" said Sara. Kate smiled and nodded. "Sonia? Did you really need to admit her" Sara asked Abby. "No not really, she's fine but let's face it, we'd rather have her sleeping in a bed than awake next to Tegan's. They've given her something that should knock her out for the night. She's resting comfortably" said Abby.
Lindsey kissed Tegan's cheek softly. "I love you… get well soon Boo, I want to take you home" whispered Lindsey before reluctantly leaving to go be with her babies. "Call me if there's change?" said Lindsey. Kate came back in after giving the nurses some drug orders. "Should we let her go alone?" said Sara. "Erin and Alex are with the babies. I spoke to them, they'll make sure Lindsey's okay. Abby will take her there" said Kate. She sat down next to Sara and put her arms around her. Sara closed her eyes, a few seconds later Kate felt her start to shake with sobs in her arms. "This is all so fucked up…. Why did he hurt them… I don't understand… why?" cried Sara. Kate held her tight as tears started rolling down her own cheeks. "It's going to be okay sweetie…. It's okay" she repeated over and over again. "Couple of hours ago we were laughing, having a drink together… we were celebrating" said Sara. Kate rubbed her arms up and down. "I don't understand" whispered Sara. "I know honey… I know" whispered Kate.
-/-
Tegan became aware of pain in her side first. She tried to move but her body had a dull ache all over. She tried to moan but something in her throat was preventing her. This felt all too familiar. She heard beeping and suddenly it all came back to her. She opened her eyes slowly. Sunlight flooded her pupils and she squinted. She put her hand up to her mouth and felt the tube. She wanted it out and started weakly pulling on it while coughing. This in turn sent her heart monitor into a tizz. Kate was sleeping in a chair next to Tegan's bed and jumped up startled. "Tegan calm down… just relax, you've got a tube down your throat to help you breathe…. Don't fight it Tee. Shhhh" Kate tried to calm Tegan down. Tears were rolling down the side of Tegan's face into her hairline. She looked at Kate pleadingly while trying to free her hands to pull the tube out. "We'll take it out in a minute, just calm down for me" said Kate.
"Tegan…. Hey brother… everything's okay, just relax. They're going to take out the tube in a minute… just relax" said Sara softly while stroking Tegan's hair. Tegan visibly relaxed when she saw her twin. She looked into her eyes.
Some nurses rushed into the room and gave Kate the opportunity to let go of Tegan's hands. "Okay Tegan, I'm going to pull it out on three… big cough on three" said Kate. Kate counted and pulled the tube out. Tegan coughed weakly as a nurse held an oxygen mask to her face. "Deep breaths, you've got it… in…. and out" Kate urged as Tegan coughed some more between breaths. "Good job Tee" said Sara holding Tegan's hand. Tegan looked confused and scared as Kate listened to her lungs. Kate rattled off some blood test orders. "Sara… Sar" she croaked. "I'm here, I'm here" said Sara. "What happened… whaaa… Lindsey?" she mumbled. "You had a bit of breathing problems last night Tee. You're okay though… they just helped you breathe for the night" said Sara. "Kids" grunted Tegan. "Lindsey's with them, they're doing just fine" said Sara. "Mom?" asked Tegan. "Mom's also fine, they're all being discharged today" said Sara. Tegan nodded and took a sip of water offered to her by a nurse. "Sar…" said Tegan softly. "Yes Tegan" said Sara. "Tell me I was dreaming…. Tell me... Jeremy's not gone" said Tegan. "Chest is clear, good air entry" said Kate. "Sats looking good too. It's holding at 97%" said a nurse. Sara just looked at her sister sadly.
"Tegan!" said Lindsey loudly as she jogged into the room. She grabbed Tegan's hand, pushing away some nurses in the process. "Linds" whispered Tegan and tried to sit up. "No, no sweetie, just relax" said Lindsey and gently pushed Tegan back. "How are you doing? You okay?" said Lindsey stroking Tegan's cheek. "I'm okay" whispered Tegan. Lindsey kissed Tegan on the mouth. "So happy to see they removed that horrible tube. I love you… I love you so much… You're going to be fine sweetie" rambled Lindsey. "Love you too" croaked Tegan.
"Open your mouth and say Ahhh Tegan" said Kate. Tegan obliged as Kate shone a light into Tegan's mouth while depressing her tongue. "Take it easy, your throat will be sore for a while" said Kate and continued examining Tegan. "Uh huh" grunted Tegan. "The kids are doing great Boo! They're wreaking havoc in the paeds ward already. It's pretty obvious they're feeling better! They're just waiting for one or two blood test results and then they're discharging them" said Lindsey. "That's great" whispered Tegan still looking a bit groggy. "I'm just going to shine this light into your eyes" said Kate and checked Tegan's pupils. Tegan gave a few weak coughs. "Baby you okay?" asked Lindsey nervously. "Yeah I'm fine" whispered Tegan. "Kate… when can I go home?" asked Tegan. "Hopefully tomorrow Tegan" said Kate. "Can I go now… Can I go today? I don't want to be here… please" said Tegan softly but pleadingly, still sounding slightly out of breath. "We have to run a few tests and we definitely need to keep you for at least another night Tee. I'm sorry" said Kate sincerely and glanced up at Tegan's monitors. "Just take deep breaths for me Tee… your heart rate's a bit high" said Kate.
Tegan closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths. She just felt so overwhelmed, by everything. "There we go sweetie… deep breaths" cooed Lindsey stroking Tegan's hair. Everything that happened the last 12 hours raced through Tegan's head and she started breathing faster again. "Control your breathing Tee" said Kate softly. "I'm… trying" cried Tegan. Tegan really looked distressed. "I need to go… I have a lot to take care of… we need… we… I need to plan the memorial service… and… I… I need to… pack his stuff… and… Canada" mumbled Tegan. "Tegan, I don't want you to worry about that right now okay. We'll take care of it later… we're all going to help you. You don't have to worry about any of that now. Just relax" said Sara softly. "Okay… go home Sara… you look like hell" breathed Tegan, seemingly in some pain. "I'm not going anywhere" said Sara.
"Abby, can you go get Casey and Ryan" Kate whispered to Abby. "You know there's no kids allowed in ICU" said Abby. "Oh as if you've never smuggled something in here. Please? I'll take full responsibility" said Kate. "You sure about this" said Abby. "Just trust me on this one" said Kate. "You're the boss" said Abby and left. "Oh shit…. What are we… the launch? What are we going to do? Sara… we're supposed to be… fucking... somewhere on TV" said Tegan sounding panicked. Her heart monitor sped up significantly. "Easy Tegan… calm down" said Kate holding her down. "Tee… we've cancelled it okay… or rather, postponed it. It's taken care of. Just calm down, I've got this" said Sara. Tegan's eyes were wild. Kate eyed the oxygen saturation numbers on the monitor and wordlessly put the mask back on Tegan. "I can't…. I can't stop thinking about it… I see him every time I close my eyes… helpless… full of blood" cried Tegan under the mask. "Make it go away" cried Tegan. "Okay honey… shhhh…. It's okay" Lindsey tried her best to calm Tegan down but Tegan was still quite frantic.
"You up for some visitors Tegan?" asked Abby a couple of minutes later. Tegan had her forearm over her eyes. "Um… not really" she said. Casey gave a squeal when she saw her mommies. "Monkeys?" said Tegan and yanked her arm away. "Hey guys" said Tegan softly and pulled the oxygen mask down to her neck. Casey kicked her legs excitedly. "Come here" said Tegan and held her arms out. "Easy does it Tegan" said Kate and put Casey down next to Tegan's legs while a nurse adjusted the bed head. Sara put Ryan down on the other side. Casey and Ryan both immediately wanted to climb all over mommy. "Easy guys… Mom's got an ouchie in her side" said Sara. "More of an ouch than an ouchie" smiled Kate. "Its okay" smiled Tegan, suddenly much calmer. "Stay aware of your breathing Tegan" said Kate. "Yeah yeah" said Tegan and rolled her eyes while taking a deep breath. Casey made a bee, bee, bee sound over and over again. "They like to imitate at this age" laughed Kate and turned the volume of the heart monitor down. Casey looked perplexed but stopped making the beep sounds when she couldn't hear them any more. "Dr Morgan, may I have a quick word" said Abby. "Um… yeah sure. Sara, we're right outside if you need us. Don't let them hurt her side" said Kate. "We've got it" said Sara and smiled.
It was as if nobody else in that room mattered or were even there. Tegan lost herself in her kids. It was as if they provided a bubble that shielded her from everything, from the pain, from the memories. "Looks as if you guys are feeling much better. What are you doing in the paeds ward? You giving them the run around? Did they give you some toys? Yeah? Mommy's going to get you a truckload of new toys when we get out of here okay... just because you were so brave. Maybe we can go to the zoo? Would you like that? We can see some giraffes... maybe an elephant... would you like that... a big elephant?" cooed Tegan softly. She weakly started tickling the twins and they started giggling. "Where's my ticklish monkeys" she smiled. Ryan moved to touch his mom. Tegan flinched. "Careful honey" said Lindsey and held him back. "I'm okay leave him" said Tegan. Ryan held Tegan's hand and inspected the IV in her hand. "Mommy's got a boo boo" said Tegan with a puppy dog face. Casey in the meantime started yanking on monitor leads.
"Just got Tegan's blood test results back. Everything seems to be moving back on track" said Abby standing with Kate at the nurses station. Kate inspected the file thoroughly. "Good... good" she mumbled. One of the monitors at the nurses station started screaming suddenly. Kate looked at it. "Tegan" she yelled and started running back to Tegan's room. The automated "Code Blue, ICU, Code Blue, ICU" came onto the PA system. A team immediately rushed the crash cart towards Tegan's room. Kate ran into the room looking horrified. She stopped dead a few steps from Tegan's bed. Tegan was smiling and sitting up in bed as if nothing happened. She looked up as the team came rushing into the room. "What?" she said looking confused. Sara looked up at the monitor and down to Casey holding an ECG lead in her hand. "Oh shit" she said. "Oops" said Tegan looking like a naughty school girl. Kate held her hand up to the code team and put her stethoscope onto Tegan's chest as Abby re-attached the leads pulled off by the babies and turn the volume back up. Kate gave a sigh of relief as she watched the monitor show a normal heartbeat again. "False alarm guys... just some loose leads" said Kate. "You sure?" said another doctor. "Yes, thanks" said Kate. "And that... is why they don't allow kids in the ICU" said one of the doctors sarcastically as he left. "I'm so sorry Kate" said Lindsey. "It's okay... just glad Tegan's okay" said Kate trying to get over her adrenaline rush. "Bee, bee" Casey chimed up again, imitating the heart monitor. "Don't you do that again kids... don't scare aunt Kate like that" she said. Ryan gave a naughty laugh as if he knew exactly what they have done.
"We need to get them back to the ward so we can discharge them. And you... need to get some rest! Hopefully we can move you to a normal room later today" said Kate a few minutes later. "Can't they stay a while longer?" said Tegan. "Sorry Tee. We've broken the rules already allowing this visit. I'm probably going to have to write up an incident report" said Kate. "This place is like the slammer" said Tegan. "Sorry" Kate smiled. "Lindsey... take them home, and take mom with you. Sara, please arrange for some extra security" said Tegan. Sara knew better than to argue. "Okay Tee" she said. "I want to stay with you" said Lindsey. "They've had enough of this place. They need their home. I'll see you guys soon. I'll miss you... so much" said Tegan. "Are you sure?" asked Lindsey. "Yes! Please Boo" begged Tegan. "I'll stay with her" said Kate. "Okay... maybe Alex and Erin can come and babysit for an hour or two tonight so I can come see you" said Lindsey. "Um... Okay... I just want to be sure they're safe" said Tegan. "Of course sweetie... I promise we'll keep them safe" said Lindsey. "I love you guys" said Tegan and lay back looking tired.
"Tegan... I'm sorry to have to do this to you but the cops want to get a statement from you. They're talking to Sonia right now" said Dr Altman when Lindsey and the kids had left. "Do I have to?" sighed Tegan. "Unfortunately yes. But I told them to come back in a couple of hours. You need some rest" said Kate. "Ugh... no... I'll do it now, just want to get it over with" said Tegan. Kate looked up at Tegan's monitors. "Not now Tee... not liking what your sats are doing" said Kate. "I'm fine... I want to get it over with and forget it" said Tegan, close to tears. "Soon Tee" said Kate. Teddy gave Kate a weird look and shook her head. "Get some sleep" said Kate. "I'll try" mumbled Tegan.
Sara sat down next to Tegan's bed and took her hand when everybody else left. "Get some sleep" said Sara. "You too" said Tegan. "You first" said Sara. Tegan closed her eyes. "I just can't believe he's gone Sar... it feels so unreal" said Tegan with her eyes closed. "I know" whispered Sara. Tegan tried to relax. She was so tired but she couldn't get rid of the horrific memories wrecking her brain. "Still awake?" she heard Kate ask softly. "Yeah" whispered Sara. "Am not" said Tegan with her eyes closed. "This should knock you out for a couple of hours" said Kate and injected something into Tegan's IV.
Sara was standing outside Tegan's room with her arms folded defensively while talking to some cops an hour later. "I'm staying with her" said Sara. "Ms Quin, we can't have anybody else involved in the incident with her during questioning" said the cop. "This is bullshit... I won't say anything... You've got my statement already. Jeez you'd swear she did something wrong. She's emotional... she needs me, I'm her security blanket" said Sara. "I'm sorry, rules" said the cop. "Sar, I'll be with her, so will Violet, she'll be okay" said Kate. "Okay... you look after her Kate" said Sara and went back into Tegan's room.
A/N: Phew, glad Tegan's okay. She gave everyone a scare. Review please!