Harry isn't coping.
Harry Potter lay shivering in his pile of blankets in his hall cupboard. His eyelids twitched as he eyes darted around in his dream. Harry saw himself cast the curse, say Ginny fly backwards and crumple against the stone wall. The dream changed, as it always did to the monotonous changeless cold of the prison cell in Azkaban. Being cold, hungry, without so much as a blanket, unable to leave, at the indifferent mercy of the guards.
Much later, after hours and hours of twitching nightmares, Harry Potter wakes up and crawls out of his cupboard, and bracing himself on the wall, stands up, staggering, one hand on the wall, to the toilet door. He relieves himself and, one hand still on the wall, makes his way out through the dining room, still one hand steadying himself on the wall, into the kitchen and collapses onto the dining chair.
"Kreacher" rasped Harry.
Kreacher appeared with a pop and quickly brought Harry a cup of tea.
Harry drank the tea slowly, and eventually ate some toast.
Much later, Harry was woken from a doze on the kitchen table by someone yelling.
Harry jerked upright, drew his wand and walked unsteadily to his front hall where Percy Weasley stood in ministry robes looking constipated.
"Harry" said Percy, avoiding looking at Harry "There's a problem"
"What?" asked Harry, leaning against the door-frame.
"It's Ron and Hermione" said Percy.
Harry paled.
"They're not hurt" said Percy quickly. "but they got in trouble"
Apparently Hermione and Ron went to Australia in the meantime to find Hermiones' parents.
Hermione went to the ministry there, explained why she was there, expecting help and was arrested for muggle-baiting, and extradited.
Hermione is now in a holding cell in the Ministry, with fines form the Australian Ministry (still unpaid) for ministry obliviators to restore parents memories, and ship them home to the UK.
"Oh" said Harry. "How much?"
"four hundred and eighteen galleons" said Percy reluctantly.
"Kreacher!" called Harry.
Kreacher appeared with a loud pop.
"Kreacher, go get a bag with four hundred and eighteen galleons, and bring it here." said Harry.
Kreacher disappeared with a very loud pop.
Percy looked awkward.
Fifteen minutes alter, Kreacher appeared with a sack "filthy halfblood master's Galleons" Kreacher croaked.
Harry handed Percy the sack of gold. "Now Percy, go give this to the appropriate authority"
"There is another problem" said Percy. "Hermiones' parents… they're on their way back by air-e-o-plane and there's nobody to pick them up."
"Pick them up?" asked Harry.
"They're not in the best of moods apparently" said Percy.
"Are they upset?" asked Harry.
"International magical cooperation are covering things with the Australian Ministry." said Percy.
Oh, Hermiones' parents aren't speaking to her. Bloody great.
Mr and Mrs Granger sat stiffly in the taxi opposite Harry as it trundled slowly from Heathrow to Epping. When the taxi driver couldn't find number thirteen Bury Lane, Harry said "Stop at eleven."
The Grangers got out, the driver unloaded their bags and Harry paid with his credit card.
"Where's our house?" asked Mrs Granger, sounding a lot like an angry Hermione.
Harry looked around and cast a quick disillusionment charm on the Grangers "I'll just be a minute" said Harry and disapparated.
He reappeared at Grimmauld place and opened the door, immediately yelling "Oy, Hermione!"
Hermione Granger appeared from upstairs looking red eyed and puffy.
"Harry" she said, her voice laden with worry and anxiety.
"Tell me the secret of your parents house" said Harry bluntly.
"The Grangers house is at Thirteen Bury Lane Epping" said Hermione. "Why..."
"No time!" said Harry, and ducked out the door and dispparated.
Harry reappeared in Epping and said to the slightly invisible Grangers "The Grangers house is at thirteen Bury Lane."
Number thirteen was a fussy looking arts and crafts bungalow with a fake well in the front lawn. It was all a bit overgrown.
"I know that" said Mrs Granger, crossly, sounding awkwardly like Hermione. "It's not here!"
Harry drew his wand and cancelled the charm.
"Why couldn't we see our own house" asked Mrs Granger in a tone that was pure Hermione.
Harry pulled their cases along to the front door.
"Well" said Harry "Hermione used a very strong spell to hide the house. My parents hid under the same spell. They died. It looks like it's kept burglars away."
"We could have just hidden here" said Mr Granger. "Nobody could find it."
"When we were captured, if they'd finished torturing Hermione, they'd have got the secret and come calling." said Harry blandly "It would have ended badly."
"Captured?" said Mr Granger, sounding choked up.
"During the war, we were captured and Hermione was tortured" said Harry. "One of my friends came and saved us. He died saving us."
The Grangers looked at Harry incredulously "But you're all just children." said Mrs Granger
"Hermione was undesirable number two for a year" said Harry. "Huge reward. Mine was much bigger. Stupidly huge really. The baddies took over the government in August. If Hermione hadn't run and wiped your memory" said Harry, waving his wand and opening the front door "She'd have been tortured. All the parents of the muggleborns that got picked up died. The people who really were just ordinary muggleborns, they were put in the camps."
The Grangers walked in, pulling their bags. They were very quiet, obviously thinking about "the camps."
Harry cast finite repeatedly on all the photos on the walls in the hall and sitting room, returning Hermione to them, leaning one hand on the wall at all times.
"I'm not sure I want her picture on my wall" said Mrs Granger crossly.
"I'm only alive because she saved my life" said Harry "So I'm putting her back."
"She did magic on us without asking" said Mr Granger.
"To save your lives" said Harry "The terrorists… they had a real grudge against Hermione. You two would have died very horribly."
"Why" asked Mrs Granger very crossly.
"Because Hermione made a lot of the purebred wizards and witches look stupid and bad at magic." said Harry. "Their whole thing is that muggleborns are inferior. When she topped the classes, it's hard to make that look convincing."
"She changed our memories!" said Mrs Granger furiously.
"And someone changed mine" said Harry "But Hermione changed yours so it could be undone. Mine, not so much."
Mr Granger looked at Harry "What did they change of your memory?"
"I went to prison for four years for killing my girlfriend" said Harry "I remember it all. Only…"
Harry took his wallet out and handed over a card.
Mr Granger read the card 'Harry Potter has had his memory altered. He served two months in minimum security for accidental assault. He remembers killing his girlfriend, Ginerva Weasley, and spending four years in prison for accidental murder.'
Mr Granger paled "You hit your girlfriend? You're a lout!"
"There was a war. I had to be a soldier. She fired magic at me and I fired back on instinct" said Harry, biting off 'and then I killed her'.
"So… you've seen her since?" asked Mrs Granger. "You two were an item, weren't you?"
"I saw her" said Harry. "My aunt hoped the curse on my memory would break." Harry laughed hollowly. "Something broke, all right. Harry shook his head "I had a brain bleed and now I can hardly walk upright, can't fly a broom anymore."
The Grangers stared at Harry with wide eyes.
"The person who did my memory in wasn't being nice" said Harry.
"What happened to you" asked Mrs Granger.
"The prison system makes the muggle one look kind" said Harry "We use soul-sucking monsters to guard it and they pull all the happy thoughts out of you till you're cold and miserable"
Mr Granger rolled his eyes at the barbarous wizards. Mrs Granger said "Sounds like your lot need law reforms badly"
"The monsters stop people from escaping magically" said Harry "With effort, you can do magic without a wand. I expect a witch or wizard in and ordinary jail cell could escape given time. While you're too miserable to think you can't escape."
"How did you end up firing magic at people without thinking" said Mrs Granger "You seemed a nice boy"
"I had to kill a man when I was eleven. He was going to kill me" said Harry.
"Hermione never mentioned this!" said Mrs Granger very crossly.
"Well we'd saved her from a troll the same man had let into the school as a distraction" said Harry "She owed us. Me and Ron"
"Trolls are big and dangerous, I take it?" asked Mr Granger.
"Ten feet tall, barely fit through your front door" said Harry. "Compared to dragons they're pretty easy"
"Dragons… oh, that stupid contest" said Mrs Granger.
"We ah, liberated a dragon from the bank during the war, rode it out" said Harry "Nowhere near as fun as it sounds."
"You robbed a bank?"
"There was a thing… keeping Lord Voldemort alive, and we needed to kill it before we could kill him" said Harry. "It was hidden in the bank"
"Who came up with such a reckless scheme?" sad Mr Granger.
Harry looked at Mr Granger and let him see, really see Harry's eyes. "I had to do it or the terrorists would have killed all the muggleborns, all their parents, then taken over the whole country, then started on Europe. Lord Voldemort literally could not die, he'd have ruled the world till everything was death and darkness… then outlived all of us… One madman left ranting on a world of dead people"
"Immortal? He was immortal?" said Mrs Granger.
"As good as" said Harry. "And no, blowing him up just made him into a sort of ghost, who could possess another body. And that's no fun."
"You say all these incredible things… like it's just a job or something" said Mr Granger.
"It was… after the war I became an Auror. Sort of a Dark wizard catcher. Maybe like… special branch police" said Harry.
"It's only been a year or so, you can't have been one long" said Mr Granger, uncertainty.
"I quit months and months ago." said Harry "I found being an Auror a bit much for me."
"You fight trolls, dragons, kill an immortal evil wizard, and find being a policeman a bit much?" said Mr Granger, in a disbelieving tone that reminded Harry uncomfortably of Hermione one on of her more anti-wizarding world rants.
"I had to attend a Domestic incident" said Harry "Gave me nightmares that wouldn't stop"
The Grangers looked at Harry.
"A domestic?" asked Mrs Granger "A wizard and a witch, fighting over who's turn it is to do the dishes?"
"They'd progressed to blowing each other through walls when I got there" said Harry "When we get angry and hurt, our magic holds us together. Ron walked on a broken leg." Harry skipped over the number of times Harry Potter of 4 privet drive had done schoolwork with broken ribs or arms.
The Grangers blinked "Hermione never broke a bone as a child" said Mr Granger "Even falling out of the tree in the back yard"
"Takes a lot to break bones on a witch" said Harry. "And if they're having an argument, they get right back up, and hex back. It was stupid. The couple we brought in, they fight often. One of these days, one of them will die." Harry took several deep breaths..
"Are you all right, Harry?" asked Mrs Granger.
"Having a panic attack" said Harry. "Main reason I quit the job… Can't keep it together. Too weak"
Harry slid down the wall and sat, pale on the floor.
"You need treatment for this" said Mrs Granger firmly.
"I've Had treatment" spat Harry angrily. "I didn't bloody faint this time"
Mrs Granger bent down and reaching past one of Harry's flailing arms, grabbed his wrist and held it oddly.
"Your pulse is far too fast" she said abruptly . "Derek, see if there's still any sedative in the call bag"
Mr Granger, Derek Harry assumed, walked very quickly to the hall cupboard and pulled out out a large blue plastic box tackle box, which he opened and unfolded. He rummaged and said "A puffer… might be good still" he said and quickly threw a pink plastic puffer to Mrs Granger who said in a no-nonsense way "Open your mouth Harry".
She stuffed the pink puffer in and pressed the button three times. Harry inhaled something odd and felt a strange icy sensation in his lungs, that subsided, and wave of giddy calm rolled out of his chest.
Harry pawed ineffectively at the puffer and only after holding his wrist again, did Mrs Granger take the bloody piece of plastic out of his mouth. Something tasted terrible. Mrs Granger thew the puffer to her husband, who wiped it down with some sort of wet paper towel from a silvery envelope.
"What was that" said Harry groggily.
"A sedative." said Mrs Granger. "We ah… have it for … medical emergencies" she said "If we get called out to a child in the night, we may have to calm them down before we can fix a tooth or a jaw"
Harry couldn't help but think the story sounded exactly like Hermione bullshitting Burke. He felt groggy and sleepy and took a nap.
-==0==-
Harry woke up lying on a comfortable couch , with a varnished timber beam crossing a white ceiling.
He looked around and joined the dots. Hermiones' parents, the embarrassing fit… all of it.
He sat up and groaned; he felt quite sick.
Mrs Granger came into the sitting room and looked at Harry "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Sick" said Harry "My stomach hurts, my eyes hurt…"
"Oh, the sedative" said Mrs Granger "It will wear off"
Harry drew his wand, Mrs Granger flinched slightly and Harry cast "recens spritus" into his mouth, then licked his teeth "Oh that's a bit better." he said.
"What was that?" asked Mrs Granger.
"Mouth freshening charm" said Harry "Felt like it was full of socks, its' still oddly dry"
"A common side effect of many sedatives" said Mrs Granger, dismissively.
Harry shook his head. Side effects. Always side effects.
Mrs Granger spoke awkwardly "The.. er… wizards said there was a bill to pay"
"Covered" said Harry, standing up. His head felt a bit muzzy. Bugger.
"Covered?" asked Mrs Granger.
"I paid it before I went to the airport" said Harry.
"Why did you pay the bill?" asked Mrs Granger.
"I owe Hermione my life" said Harry "And she kept us alive all last year with her savings. I owe her"
"You have money now?" asked Mrs Granger. Harry sighed "I inherited money from my godfather, and my parents. Hermione had money and we couldn't go to the bank; we'd have been arrested"
"For robbing it" said Mrs Granger stiffly.
"Before that, for being us" said Harry. "Lord Voldemort believed I was the only person who could defeat him, so he had a.. two hundred thousand galleon bounty on my life"
"That's a million pounds" said Mrs Granger sounding surprised..
"Is it?" said Harry "I don't get pounds out much"
"Were you?" she asked.
"Was I what?" asked Harry.
"The only one who could could defeat him?" asked Mrs Granger in the same tone Hermione used.
"Sort of" said Harry "Mostly his fault"
"Oh, a self fulfilling prophecy" said Mrs Granger. Harry's legs gave way and he collapsed onto the couch.
"Harry ,are you all right?" she asked.
"Uh… there was a prophecy" said Harry, taking a deep breath "Might have been a load of rubbish, but Voldemort believed it. That's why he murdered my parents"
"Oh I'm sorry" said Mrs Granger.
"Don't worry, I saw them and they're proud of me" said Harry, feeling odd.
"You thought you saw your dead parents?" she asked.
"There's a thing… a magic rock that lets you see the dead" said Harry "Before you ask, there's exactly one of them, and most wizards don't believe it's real either"
"Why see them?" asked Mrs Granger, in a tone that said 'Im humouring you'
"I needed to be very brave, so it was a help. It's hard to walk to your death, easier if your dead parents and dead friends are helping" said Harry.
Mrs Granger froze, staring at Harry.
"Even by wizard standards, that was a strange day" said Harry. "The second strangest I've ever had"
Mr Granger had slipped in while Harry had been talking.
"Second Strangest?" said Mr Granger, leaning against the door-frame.
"Well, the strangest was when I woke up in bed with two beautiful witches" said Harry wryly.
Mrs Granger went red.
Mr Granger just asked "Was either of them Hermione?" in a very matter-of-fact way.
"No, they were sisters" said Harry, and Mrs Granger, as Harry had expected, blew her top.
It was very relaxing, hearing Mrs Granger berate Harry in tones he'd heard since he was eleven; usually about unfinished assignments.
When she'd stopped, red faced and puffing, Harry said "It was nothing to do with me; I was asleep on a couch, and the witches; who'd been dinner guests were sleeping. Too drunk to magic home. My house-elf, who is very old and set in his ways, thought that my family was going to die out, that I was gay, and decided to fix the problem."
The Grangers stared at Harry.
"Magical butler" explained Harry. "My magical butler decided to cover me in baby-making potion and see to it that two witches he approved of got pregnant"
Mrs Granger snorted "a magical Jeeves who decided Harry Wooster needed a child"
"An heir" said Harry "The house of Black; which I inherited from my godfather; My godson is the last son of the house; he inherits it when I die."
"The house of Black?" asked Mrs Granger.
"Snooty old magical family" said Harry "They've been around forever and apart from my godfather were a bunch of magical-supremacists. They'd never have helped you, so I enjoyed paying your bill with their money. Hopefully some of them are complaining from the afterlife"
"Are you gay?" asked Mrs Granger. "It's just, you dated Ginnny Weasley"
"Not actually gay" said Harry. "I had a war to fight."
"We're not speaking to her" said Mr Granger.
"Well she's at my townhouse in London" said Harry.
"She was arrested" said Mrs Granger crossly.
"Muggle-baiting" said Harry "Just a fine here. In Australia, a bigger deal, so she got extradited and banned from Australia for life."
"Wiping our memories and sending us to Australia was just a fine?" asked Mr Granger incredulously.
"Four hundred odd galleons. Quite a lot of money" said Harry.
"What, two thousand measly pounds" said Mr Granger.
"My best friend Ron's dad is a department head in the ministry of magic. He makes three hundred galleons a year. So yes, a year and bit's pay is quite a big fine" said Harry.
Mrs Granger thought momentarily "How can he support seven children on two thousand pounds a year?"
"They've got a small farm, chickens, a cow, pigs, and orchard" said Harry. "But yeah, they're pretty poor. Only two children still at home. One died in the war, four moved out."
"But… a government job pays so little" said Mr Granger.
"Well, wizards don't need much money" said Harry. "If you've got your wand, you can make practically anything. You have to buy some potions ingredients and probably clothes and shoes."
"And you can afford to spend a over years pay" said Mrs Granger crossly.
"I'm rich enough to not need to work" admitted Harry.
"Well we'd have lunch with you but we have no food" said Mrs Granger.
"Oh, I can fix that" said Harry. "Kreacher!" he called.
Kreacher appeared with a pop.
"Yes master" he croaked, his yellowing green eyes looking at the Grangers. "Do you want Kreacher to dispose of the muggles?"
The Grangers stared at Kreacher in silent shock.
"Bring a case of groceries" said Harry. "And be polite. These are the Grangers, and they're Hermiones' parents"
"Filthy mudbloods' filthy muggles" said Kreacher hopefully.
"Kreacher, trying to get me angry at you, so you can hurt yourself is not going to happen" said Harry "Go get a crate of groceries; nothing magical, just the usual sort of things."
"Filthy halfblood master" grumbled Kreacher and disappeared with a crack.
"That's your butler?" asked Mr Granger "He hates you, and I'm fairly sure he just offered to dispose of us"
"Probably" said Harry. "He can't act against my orders, so you're quite safe."
…
"Caviar?" asked Mrs Granger from the pantry "He brought caviar and salmon?"
"What's elf-wine?" asked Mr Granger, holding a bottle up to the light.
"Wine" said Harry "made by house-elves."
They ate lunch. The Grangers make a quite nice salad to go with with the salmon.
"Harry, do you have an income at all?" asked Mrs Granger.
"I've got money in the bank" said Harry.
Mrs Granger tries to explain income versus expenditure to Harry who finally says "I um, I dunno if I make any money from the family stuff."
She looks at him, taking slow deep breaths.
"I'm… well I don't have the energy to deal with it right now" said Harry, and got up "I have to go see… well Hermione." said Harry. Wrap the problem in mental brown paper and put it to one side.
Harry turned on the spot and disappeared with a crack.
-==0==-
Harry reappeared on the steps of Grimmauld place and fell down the steps.
He got up gingerly from the bottom of the stairs and, using the handrail, climbed back up and through the front door. He stood in the front a hall, leaning on the hall-stand "Hermione!" he called.
Hermione eventually reappeared "Harry?" she said "What have you been up to?"
"Falling over" said Harry "Can you give me a hand" Harry was still holding himself up using the hall-stand.
Hermione got under one arm and helped Harry limp down to the kitchen, where she took some potions and ointments off the shelves and started dabbing his cuts.
"How did you get hurt, Harry?" she asked.
"I uh… fall over a lot now" said Harry. "Can we just drop it"
Hermione dittany and epsisky'ed Harry back to working order.
"Thanks" he said.
"You bailed me out?" asked Hermione.
"Yeah" said Harry "Percy came calling"
"I'll pay you back Harry" burbled Hermione, her eyes watery.
"You owe me nothing" said Harry "I owe you for looking after me last year. Have… six hundred galleons, and stay here as long as you need to"
"Kreacher!" Harry called.
"Yes Master" said the elf, silently appearing.
"Go get six hundred galleons for Hermione. She's got an order of Merlin after all" said Harry.
"The Mudblood has an order of Merlin?" asked Kreacher.
"She saved my life multiple times last year. Treat her respectfully" said Harry.
Kreacher grumbled "Feed the muggles, pay the mudblood… Stupid halfblood master is worst master ever" Kreacher disappeared with a loud pop.
"Feeding muggles?" asked Hermione.
"Gave your parents a crate of groceries" said Harry. "Neat work fideliusing their house"
"Mum and Dad's house is okay?" asked Hermione fearfully.
"Untouched" said Harry "You saved them, and their house. Bloody brilliant, as usual"
"Mum won't speak to me" said Hermione. "Dad yelled at me"
"I explained" said Harry "They'll get over it"
"Get over it?" asked Hermione "They're furious"
"You never stay angry more than a week or two" said Harry "You're a lot like your parents, they must be like you."
Hermione took him downstairs for some tea.
Harry's drinking his tea in the kitchen at when the fireplace flares up green and some middle-aged witch Harry doesn't know sticks their head out "International Floo call for Harry Potter" they say.
"I'm here" said Harry, and dragged a chair to the floo.
The fireplace flares green again and Ron's head appears. He looks very sunburnt, and tired.
"Hi Harry" said Ron.
Hermione stares at Ron "Ron?" she says.
"Oh Hi Hermione" said Ron.
"Don't you Hi Hermione me" said Hermione "What have you been doing?"
"Um… you realise when you were arrested I had like four sickles in my pockets" said Ron. "I had to find a job to make some money for food, for a bed to sleep in."
Harry looked over at Hermione who looked irritated "Your lack of preparation is not my fault" said Hermione.
"Its been weeks" said Ron.
"Weeks?" asked Harry.
"The Australians held me in a jail cell for weeks" said Hermione.
"Not yesterday" asked Harry, getting a headache.
"Weeks" said Ron "I've got a job and somewhere to stay now"
"You got a job" asked Hermione sounding surprised. "You're an Auror"
"Working in a pub" said Ron "Hours are long but you get two meals"
Harry nodded "So,um… is this floo call expensive ?"
"I um, was hoping you'd pay" said Ron.
"Sure" said Harry.
Hermione stated to bicker "Harry, you have to be more careful with your money" she said.
"Hermione, can you let me talk to Harry in private for a bit" said Ron.
Hermione's mouth flapped open and closed like she was trying to to impersonate a goldfish. She finally turned and left the kitchen.
Harry waved his wand and the door closed.
"What's up Ron?"
"I'm not coming back" said Ron bluntly.
"You what?" said Harry.
"I'm not coming back, not for a while. Here I'm Ron Weasley; some people know I'm part of the trio that won the war, nobody knows about my family and well… nobody yells at me" said Ron.
"Yells at you" said Harry.
"I haven't had an argument in weeks" said Ron "It's bloody brilliant"
"Hermione was in jail and you're happy you're not arguing" said Harry.
"Well she got deported, and she's out right"
"Just a fine" admitted Harry.
"Over here she'd have done time" said Ron. "Sheila says the prison at lake woebegone is really dry, hot and boring, but no Dementors."
"Sheila?" asked Harry, feeling imminent disaster.
Ron blushed. "Well yeah, that's the other thing"
"Other thing" said Harry hollowly.
"I'm seeing this witch called Sheila, Sheila Smith" said Ron, smiling.
"You were sort-of Hermiones' boyfriend" said Harry crossly.
"Harry… shes awful. She never stops arguing. Sheila...she just shrugs and says 'go for a walk'"
"And I get to tell Hermione"
"Thanks mate" said Ron, cheerfully. Harry was horribly reminded of other times Ron had left Harry to pick up the pieces.
"So you and Sheila are?"
"Together" said Ron.
Harry blinked "You what?"
"Together" said Ron "Being with a witch who's sensible and doesn't argue all the time is… it's bloody brilliant. And Australian witches well, they sunbathe here; and… well she thinks my accent is sexy"
"Accent?" said Harry "You don't have an accent"
"They all speak Australian and think we've got accents" said Ron "Weird isn't it."
"We've got accents" said Harry, groping for something he could talk about that wasn't covered in painful consequences. "Hermione's going to go mental" said Harry finally.
"She's not allowed in the country" said Ron. "So that's sorted." he said pragmatically.
"Your mum's going to go mental too" said Harry.
"Mum doesn't hex first and memory charm later" said Ron wisely. "And you can't owl post howlers to Australia, all the mail has to go by portkey first"
"So I get to tell her" said Harry hollowly.
"You can always come to Aussie" said Ron "The witches here think English accents are sexy and there's ten dollars to the galleon"
"Ron… you can't run from your problems" said Harry. "Besides, you're an Auror"
"Being an Auror sucks Harry" said Ron "The training's hard and then people keep tying to kill you. I'll work in a magical pub instead, thanks, and my brothers have all run; Charlie and Bill did first, And I've got a great bird who isn't bossy and doesn't argue endlessly"
"Doesn't argue" said Harry dully.
"Just tells me I'm being an arse and leaves it at that" said Ron "I'm in love."
"In two weeks, without telling Hermione" said Harry, with a feeling in his stomach like a heavy stone was trying to force it's way down his body.
"And she shags like a wild animal" said Ron, winking. "English witches are … "
"Not all of them" said Harry, blushing.
"Crikey, you got a shag?" asked Ron, perking up.
"Um… two sisters" said Harry.
"Not the Patil Twins?" asked Ron, incredulously.
"Not twins" said Harry. "And it was an accident, bloody Kreacher popped me into the bed and doused us in baby-making potion"
Ron snorted "Bloody hell Harry, you have the best luck sometimes"
"Not often" said Harry, "And I don't remember anything, and everyone had their clothes on"
"Oh" said Ron "That's… quite pitiful really" he said dismissively.
"Thanks for that Ron" said Harry. "Write me a letter, I'm at Potter Cottage, Godrics Hollow"
"Sure..." lied Ron and the fireplace went out.
Harry got the bill by post the next day for fifty galleons.
-==0==-
Harry sat at his desk in the nursery trying to collate a third year textbook together… feeling the urge to use his third year notes from Professor Lupin as a basis.
"Harry" Hermione yelled weakly from the front hall.
Harry picked up his cane and staggered down to the staircase, then used the banister to get down.
Hermione was standing wearing muggle clothes, looking bereft. "Harry" she said.
"Hermione" said Harry.
"Harry, why've you got a cane?" she asked.
"Because my sense of balance is ruined and I need a cane or a wall" said Harry. "Can we not talk about it."
Harry staggered into the sitting room and collapsed on a couch. Hermione sat and hunched over, her hair covering her face. "I'm a felon" she said.
"Hermione, the Australians overreacted. How did they find out anyway?" asked Harry.
"I went to the ministry to get help finding them" said Hermione in a very small voice.
"To get help" said Harry.
"Help" said Hermione.
Harry sighed. "I paid the bill, I can't do much else" he said.
"Poor Ron's stuck in Australia" said Hermione "I feel so guilty, will he even want to see me afterwards"
Bugger, thought Harry.
"Hermione, um… Ron's… found he likes Australia" said Harry, feeling like a complete bastard.
"Likes Australia" said Hermione "But… I can't go there" she said and tilted her head back up to look at Harry ,her eyes dark rimmed.
"Hermione… um… Ron's breaking up with you" said Harry.
"He WHAT" said Hermione, suddenly angry.
"He's breaking up with you" said Harry. "He, um, just… not anymore" said Harry, feeling pain, his eyes watering.
"But we were together. We snogged" said Hermione.
Harry sighed "Well, he's not coming back. I still have to tell his mum"
"I'll tell him Mum" said Hermione, hands clawing at the couch.
"Sorry" said Harry "I'm so sorry"
"It's not your fault Ron's got the emotional range of teaspoon" said Hermione angrily.
Harry looked over at the angry witch and something went in Harry's head, and he had a sudden vision of Ginny flying backwards and hitting the wall right there.
Harry's breathing stopped, his chest far too tight to breathe and he slowly collapsed.
"Harry, are you all right?" cried Hermione as she stood and ran towards him.
Harry woke up lying on his couch, looking at his sitting room ceiling.
Hermione, who was perched on the edge of the couch leaned over, her hair a mess, face blotchy, her eyes red and her nose snotty "Harry" she said excessively brightly "You woke up"
"Sorry" said Harry "Had a flashback to when I killed Ginny"
"You concussed Ginny' she's still alive." said Hermione crossly.
"Confounded" said Harry. "Sorry"
"Stop saying Sorry all the time Harry." said Hermione crossly. "You've been horribly cursed and nothings worked out for you, and you keep saying sorry"
"Well I am" said Harry "You and Ron had something"
"Not enough" said Hermione. "I told him over and over again to make something of himself and I don't think he was even trying to do well in Auror training."
Harry sits up and takes several deep breaths. Clearly one memory charms is broken now.
"Well I couldn't do it" said Harry.
Hermione looked at Harry and said simply "Well, I'm going to yell at Mrs Weasley"
"You what?"
"Her son is the problem, and I'm going to finally tell her what I think" said Hermione.
"Um, could you maybe take a day to calm down first" said Harry.
"Harry, while I don't appreciate having Slinkhorns useless textbook quoted at me, unlike you I'm perfectly capable of keeping MY temper." said Hermione, and she stood up and flood off.
Harry distinctly heard her say "The Burrow!" before she left.
Harry put his feet on the floor and using the cane, stood up and staggered off,back to his desk, like an old man.
A useless freak who couldn't even save people, he thought. Couldn't save Ron and Hermione's .. .whatever that had been.
He climbed up the stairs again and leaned on top stair rail, looking down on his front hall. The drop would probably kill him, he thought, and half-asleep, lifted himself with both hands and took a dive over the banister.
Harry woke up in a bed. A hospital bed by the smell of it.
He looked at the ceiling; it was white; the walls were green.
A healer came in, checked a clipboard on the end of his bed and left.
Harry went to sit up but couldn't; the top sheet were enchanted to hold him down.
Eventually, an Hit-wizard came in "Meeks" said his badge. He was middle-aged, brown haired and had a look on his face that Harry recognised; someone doing a job they hated.
"Harry James Potter, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of Harry James Potter" said the Hit Wizard in an affectedly bored tone.
Harry was transferred by Portkey to a stony holding cell at the DMLE as soon as the Healers said he could be moved.
Harry was allowed to keep his glasses and sat on the cot waiting.
Eventually the steel door opened and a wizard in serious black robes came in and said very politely "My name is Milbourne Perswith, and I'll be your defence lawyer.
"Defence?"
"Your Aunt Andromeda hired me" said Milbourne, smiling thinly "Now, if you'd explain how this all came to pass"
Harry explained about the meeting with Hermione, the hopelessness, the memory charm breaking.
Milbourne sat up "Mister Potter, please tell me; who cast the charm?"
"St Mungos" said Harry "For the nightmares from the confundus someone did on me at Azkaban"
Milbourne, smiled in a sharklike way "Oh Mister Potter, you're in luck. Tell me, did you feel suicidal Before the memory charm broke"
"No" said Harry. "After we tried to break the confundis I got a brain bleed and I can't fly a broom anymore, and I need a cane, but… that was just small stuff. Seeing it again… not being able to help my friend, it was too much"
Milboune nodded "Mister Potter, you will be pleased to know that I an almost certain you will get off almost scot free"
"I what?"
"One more thing, how long were you in Azkaban for?"
"Four years" said Harry. The sign popped up in Harry's field of view, reminding him it was a false memory. "But I've got a medical charm that pops up and says it was two months."
"The best they could do was what?"
"A sign pops up over the whatever I'm looking at" said Harry.
"Mister Potter, I practically guarantee that after the hearing next week, you will walk out a free man" said Milbourne
His administrative hearing; no trial for this, was quick. They took him to courtroom three, which is panelled in warm wood, with a single judge, and in ten minutes, they took his wand; He did have a history of violence after all, and assigned him a parole Officer, Dennis Lewisham from DMLE who would be checking on Harry weekly.
Given Harry's previous confounding in Azkaban, Harry's defence Lawyer, got Harry immediate parole, for time apparently served.
Harry walked out and Lewisham, who was tall, dark and think-set, handed Harry a card "I'll be seeing you in under seven days. You are technically on parole, so you need permission to leave the country, and try not to get arrested, or you'll have to go to Azkaban for a day"
"A day?" asked Harry incredulous.
"Because you Lawyer got you time apparently served, your sentence, is already served. You can and will go back there for any other crimes" said Lewisham. "But you would be in-processed, taken to a cell, fed, and then out-processed"
"That's a bit silly" said Harry.
"And you can then claim to have been memory charmed to think it was a hundred years" said Lewisham, dismissively. "I will be checking your memory charms and mental state in case you're a risk, so try to be sane?"
"Checking my memory charms?" asked Harry.
"I'm an expert on memory charms, that's why I get your case" said Lewisham.
Harry took the floo home.
-==0==-
Harry didn't see Lewisham that week, but did make some headway on volume three.
There was an Appleby's game Saturday and Harry stood in the back yard on Thursday and found that he could apparate, without a wand; much as he'd had to with Dumbledore, so long ago. He could just barely cast the child feeding charm too; and his heating charm was perfectly reasonable. He could bloody well attend a Quidditch match, wand or no wand.
Harry apparated early to Appleby park, wrapped up warm and went over to the shed.
Within ten minutes, Daphne and Tracey appeared with loud cracks.
"You turned up?" said Daphne, a woolly hat tucked over her head.
"I am trying not to be a filthy casual" said Harry, and was handed a bundle of poles.
Harry took all the poles and Arrows and said "Where to?"
"Chudley" said Daphne. Harry nodded "I've actually been there, with Ron. A pilgrimage to his team"
"Hopefully we beat them" said Tracey "Losing to Chudley…"
"Let's hope for the best" said Daphne "Potter, tow us?"
"All this and you two?" asked Harry.
"Stop whining" said Daphne firmly.
Harry stuck out his elbows, had two coated arms grab hold and he disapparated, side-alonging both witches.
He reappeared at the Chudley field. The memory of Ron's ecstatic face 'This is sacred ground Harry' made Harry smile.
"What's got you happy?" asked Daphne.
"Ron showing me this place, he said it was sacred" said Harry, chuckling. "What an arse"
"Where is the arse?" said Tracey "The Prophet said he was gone from the Aurors."
"Australia" said Harry, walking the small turnstile and dropping a couple of sickles in the tin.
"Why?" asked Tracey, as they walked over the path to the stands.
"Went there with Hermione, liked it and stayed" said Harry.
Daphne inhaled sharply "Didn't take that well?" she asked.
"No she didn't" said Harry.
"Well at least we'll always have quidditch" said Daphne.
For some reason this made Harry inordinately happy.
The Arrows set up, Harry stood around waiting for more Appleby fans to show up on the "visitors" stands.
"Harry, Astoria, Lilith and Sally are coming." said Daphne "Procure hot food."
"For Seven" said Harry.
"You needn't get yourself any if you don't want it" said Daphne drily.
Harry left the poles in the hands of Daphne and Tracey and went searching for the food stands.
The battered.. somethings looked a lot like brunch, so Harry bought one extra and walked back over to the visitors stand.
"You have a lot of food there" said Tracey "Enough for me to have one now"
Daphne elbowed Tracey "No eating till the match starts" she said.
Harry manoeuvred one from the two large bunches he was holding and started biting into it.
Daphne stared at Harry "You're eating one now" she said.
"Checking they're any good" said Harry, taking another bite.
"Harry, someone's looking at you" said Daphne.
Harry took another bite of the battered sausage and turned. On the opposite side, in a woolly coat and hat, stood his parole officer, Lewisham.
"Oh, that's Lewisham, my Parole officer" said Harry.
Daphne tried to cross her arms crossly, but had to hold the a bundle of poles and couldn't pull it off.
"Your what?" she said stiffly.
"Parole officer. If had a… incident and now I have to talk to that person once a week. His name is Lewisham, um…. Dennis Lewisham, he works for DMLE. Mostly to check my memory charms are still working. One broke and well, I was a bit messed up" said Harry.
"One broke" said Daphne.
"I remembered hexing Ginny Weasley" said Harry. "Had a panic attach mid-conversation with Hermione."
"Oh Harry" said Daphne, and she dropped the poles and hugged Harry. Tracey slowly picked up all the poles. "Don't mind me, just carry on, carrying on" said Tracey sarcastically.
Daphne let Harry go, who was actually quite liking getting a hug, thank you very much.
"Sorry Harry, it's just..." said Daphne, blushing.
"Actually I like hugs" said Harry "You don't try to break bones the way Hermione does. Feel free to hug me" Daphne blushed harder. Tracey sang a song "Harry and Daphne in a tree, G"
"Tracey" said Daphne, elbowing her friend.
"Hey you're the one that humped him, not me" said Tracey.
"You were busy shagging Blaise" said Harry drily.
"We're together" said Tracey. "You should try it."
"Blaise isn't my type" said Harry, and Tracey snorted.
Harry took another bite of his battered sausage, that had luckily not fallen off it's stick.
Daphne looked intently at the battered sausage.
"Fine" said Harry "Have a bite then" he said and offered the half-eaten battered sausage to Daphne.
"Oh go on Daphne, nibble Harry's sausage" said Tracey.
Harry choked and went red. Daphne, ears burning, turned on Tracey. "Trace!" she said.
…
The game lasted for two rounds of battered food. It was late afternoon when Appleby's chaser finally caught the snitch and ended the match, a victory for Appleby. By one hundred and seventy points; The Cannons hadn't been that bad and still without Pritchard, the Cannons scored as many goals as Appleby.
Daphne gathered up all the poles and gave them to Harry, while holding all the arrows herself "Back to the shed before the sun sets" she said. Harry nodded and disapparted.
He landed in Appleby and fell over, the poles and his poor balance conspiring.
"Get up Potter" said Daphne, the Arrows scattered about.
"Twisted on landing did you?" said Harry.
"Shut it" said Daphne and opened the shed.
They put the poles and arrows away in the semidarkness.
"Where's your wand" asked Daphne.
"DMLE hold it" said Harry "Just one of those things, and it's only for a few months"
Daphne waved her wand and the end lit up brighter in the dark shed. "You're lucky I'm here to light the way then" she said.
"You know" said Harry "You know what I've done and still talk to me. That really matters."
"You're Harry Potter, the Hero of Hogwarts" said Daphne.
Harry looked at the dark floor of the shed "I killed my first man when I was eleven. None of that ever leaves me" Harry said with a sigh.
"You did what you had to do" said Daphne, looking out the doorway of the shed, into the semidarkness of Appleby, and she led the way out of the shed.
Harry followed her out, and they strolled over to the pub, which was fully expanded today.
Tracey, Lilith, Sally Astoria and Sally-Anne were sitting at a table, with two extra pints, and some crisps already folded out.
"Here are the lovebirds" said Tracey. Daphne glared with narrowed eyes at Tracey, but still sat next to Harry. Quiddithc was discussed, crisps were eaten, and second pints ordered.
"Harry go get us all second pints" said Daphne.
Harry got up and went to the bar, getting a tray of pints and paying with a slump of sickles.
Harry carried the tray back to the table and put it down carefully.
"You didn't get extra crisps" said Astoria, who was looking a bit healthier than she had.
"Dinner's soon" said Harry
"Oh, quiche at Harry's?" asked Astoria.
"Dinner at home" said Daphne. "We have not told mother or father"
"Besides, is Harry even up for both sisters again" said Tracey, snorting.
Daphne hexed Tracey.
"Ow!" said Tracey.
They discussed the match. Everyone agreed that Pritchard needed to stop looking after his baby daughter and play some bloody quidditch. Harry tried not to snort.
Harry realised, as the pints were finished off and Lilith left, then Sally-Anne, then Tracey, that quidditch watching with his mates from the Appleby supporters club was his second favourite part of the week after Teddy. The Greengrass sisters had stood up with Tracey, and Harry had accompanied them outside too, no point sitting around. "Good game" said Harry and Apparated home.
Harry was sitting in the dining room eating supper when someone flooed in.
Harry looked over and Dennis Lewisham, his Parole Officer walked in.
"Mister Potter" said Lewisham, his wand slipping into his hand.
"Lewisham" said Harry "Just finishing supper. I saw you at the Cannons game today."
"My side lost" said Lewisham, walking over.
"Well if you back the wrong team that happens" said Harry.
"Appleby are hardly legends in the league" said Lewisham, casting a charm and nodding at the result.
"All okay?" asked Harry.
"DMLE have no reason to be worried about you" said Lewisham. "You were with the Greengrass girls."
"Daphne and co" said Harry "Appleby supporters club" He smiled a small private smile.
"So you and Daphne Greengrass then?" asked Lewisham.
"It's uh… early days yet" said Harry. "But… we have fun together" 'Crikey… we have fun together. What the hell am I saying… apart from… well that… actually… ' Harry's smile broadened.
"Oh, you and Greengrass… well, I think it's time things stopped" said Lewisham.
"What?" asked Harry "You can't be serious, I'm allowed to date witches!"
"I'm afraid you're going to have a nasty relapse and take another dive" said Lewisham "After all, if you secured the succession, I'd get nothing."
"What are you talking about?" asked Harry, as Lewishams' wand rose to point at Harry.
Harry had shouted out "Kreacher, Help!"
"Obliv..." said Lewisham, but stopped, as with a whirring thud, a large knife had lodged itself in Lewisham's chest. He looked down. "You've no wand" he said, stupidly, his wand hand lowering.
Kreacher stood staring at Lewisham, as Lewisham's robe slowly went red from blood and Lewisham fell face down onto the floor.
"Will master mount my head please" asked Kreacher "After I'm gone."
"What?" asked Harry.
"House elf may not kill wizard" said Kreacher, "The department will kill Kreacher."
Harry looked at the old, insane house-elf, staring earnestly at Harry.
Harry pointed at Lewisham "Move this… trash to the kitchen, Kreacher, and clean up the blood here."
Kreacher nodded and clicked his fingers. Lewisham's corpse vanished, and the blood on the dining room floor dribbled upwards into a red ball.
"In the kitchen with that Kreacher" said Harry. "We're going to construct a crime scene"
Kreacher walked into the kitchen and Harry got him to get out some root vegetables, which Harry partly chopped, and then put the blood on Harry's hands; which Harry then put on the knife.
"Now, Kreacher, I order you not to tell the DMLE that you threw the knife. I stabbed Lewisham. Now, go call the Hit-Wizards. I've been attacked and defended myself.
Kreacher cried "Master no"
"Kreacher, you're a good elf, and you were just protecting me." said Harry. "I'm going to protect you"
Two hit-wizards come in armour via floo twenty minutes and took a statement from Harry.
"Lewisham came to my home and attacked me, I defended myself with the knife I'd been using on these vegetables." said Harry.
"We will have to take you in, Mister Potter" said the Hit Wizard.
"My lawyer is Milbourne Perswith" said Harry.
Harry was cuffed and taken by floo to a holding cell. He refused any food or water.
"I had a nasty experience with a confundus potion here in DMLE. Frankly I don't trust you" said Harry.
The guard resorted to eating half. Harry nodded politely, then ate his half.
The next morning, Milbourne Perswith arrived and took stock of the situation.
"Mister Potter, killing your Parole Officer, you will almost certainly be going back to Azkaban" said Milboune.
"Oh, I'm sure of that" said Harry "But if we're careful I'll not be confundus'd for it"
The next day, Harry is waiting quietly, sharing lunch with his guard, when Milbourne Perswith arrived, looking a bit dishevelled. "You have clever friends" said his lawyer by way of introduction.
The guard looked interested, and Milbourne sat down on a chair he conjured and handed Harry a letter.
' Milbourne Perswith, Lawyer to Harry Potter.
Harry has been arrested for the murder of Dennis Lewisham, from DMLE.
Mister Lewisham is an expert on memory charms, and has worked of the DMLE for fifteen years.
Dennis Lewisham is also an inheritor of the LeStrange Estate. Harry Potter is another inheritor of the same estate, with a much larger share. Mister Lewisham has several hundred thousand motives.
Daphne Greengrass'
Mister Perswith turned to the guard "Find out if Mister Lewisham visited Harry Potter on his last visit to the holding cells"
The guard shook his head "Not for the… you know at St Mungos, but the time before, the, the Weasley Girl; Potter kept having panic attacks so we got Dennis in. He was an expert in memory charms and potions. Fixed up Potter a treat"
Mister Perswith looked at the guard and nodded "I think, we will find that he did indeed, fix Harry Potter up, a treat"
Hours later, and a few cross DMLE lawyers who had to certify the guard's statement later, his lawyer rested.
"Now Harry" said Milbourne taking out a dicta-quill and setting it on a parchment "Tell me Exactly what Dennis Lewisham said to you today"
Harry explained how Lewisham had cast a diagnostic charm, then oddly, started asking Harry about the Greengrass girls and then told Harry it had to stop.
Harry spoke slowly, "He was being very odd , he said 'I'm afraid you're going to have a nasty relapse and take another dive, After all, if you secured the succession, I'd get nothing.'"
"Secures the succession" asked Milbourne. "He said "secured the succession"
Harry nodded.
"He meant, if you had an heir." said Milboune.
"That's stupid really, I already do." said Harry. Milbounre's eyebrows raised.
"My godson, Edward Remus Lupin is the heir of the house of Black" said Harry "His mother was a Black by blood"
Milbourne stared at Harry "You have an heir organised. You're… twenty"
"My parents died at my age" said Harry "Pays to plan ahead, and it stopped Kreacher, my house elf from trying to ensure I had issue."
"Your elf"
"He's very dedicated to the house of Black" said Harry "He tried to get myself and … a pureblood witch to… get on with it" he blushed.
Milbourne said slowly "I'd heard old elves could get a bit..."
"Oh very" said Harry "He was sobbing with joy when I took him to meet Teddy and his grandmother"
"Harry, there's no easy way to say this… you're going to Azkaban for this" said Milbourne evenly.
"Well, It would appear that Mister Lewisham is the person who put me in Azkaban for four years instead of two months, so I'm not very say I killed him" said Harry. "Though it was self-defence"
"Harry, to be blunt… once it comes out Lewisham was an inheritor of the estate… We'll be pressing for jury trial, lets just say." said Milbourne.
"You're not going to pull off another get out of gaol free are you?" asked Harry wryly.
"Not for this. You stabbed him. You're doing time" said Milboune. "Ill make sure it's as little as possible"
"Oh and Milboune" said Harry "The LeStrange Estate… would be good to wrap that up, I'll be in sunny Azkaban, and you'll be out here."
"You're not bothered by going back there?" asked Milboune.
Harry shrugs "Do the crime, do the time" he replies.
Harry refuses veritassium, or any potions, pleads self-defence and gets a year in Azkaban, as Lewisham had a strong financial motive for killing Harry before he had issue.
Harry hugs Hermione after he's sentenced. "It's only Azkaban" he says. "Not the end of the world."
Harry does not notice the blonde witch in dark green robes in the public gallery.