Chapter 184

Tegan was awake and staring out in front of her when Sara came back into the room. "Hey you're awake" said Sara and sat down next to Tegan's bed. Tegan didn't reply but the silence wasn't awkward. "You know when the cops are coming?" asked Tegan after a few minutes. "Probably in the next thirty minutes or so" said Sara. "Oh… okay. Don't know what use it will be… not much of a mystery here" mumbled Tegan staring at her IV bags. "Are you ready? Will you be okay?" asked Sara. "Yeah I'll be okay" sighed Tegan and rubbed her face up and down. "How are you feeling?" asked Sara. "Pretty shitty actually… but I'll live" said Tegan. "I'm sorry Teegs… you'll feel better soon" said Sara. "My body will be fine, but my heart… is just… broken" said Tegan and started sobbing again. "It's okay Tegan…. Shhh" whispered Sara and took her sister in her arms. "It's my fault Sar… it's my fault… I should have left… I should have… I should have arranged better security" cried Tegan. "It's not your fault Tegan, it's not your fault" repeated Sara. Tegan and Sara sobbed in each other's arms. A few minutes later Tegan spoke. "We've got so much to do" said Tegan. "Yeah and we'll do it later" said Sara. "Have you sent out a press statement? Posted anything online?" asked Tegan. "No… not yet. Not sure I want to but I guess we need to. It can wait though" said Sara softly. "I don't know what to do…. I just…. I feel… lost… overwhelmed… drowning" said Tegan. "Yeah me too" said Sara staring out in front of her.

"Tegan, are you ready to speak to the police now?" asked Kate a few minutes later. Tegan shifted around uncomfortably. "I guess" she mumbled. "I'll be right outside okay" said Sara. "No! Where are you going?" asked Tegan. "They won't allow me with you during the questioning" said Sara. "But… why not?" asked Tegan looking scared. "Rules" said Kate shrugging. "I tried to make it happen Tegan, I really did… we both did" said Sara. "Fuck… that's the only reason I agreed to do it now…. Knowing you'd be with me" said Tegan looking teary. "Can Lindsey come?" asked Tegan. "Nobody else involved in the incident can stay Tee" said Sara. "Shit" mumbled Tegan. "Kate's going to stay with you and so is Violet. They'll make sure you're okay. And if you need me, you get them to stop the questioning and call me" said Sara. Tegan was breathing faster. "Deep breaths Tegan" said Kate yet again.

Kate stood next to Tegan's bed with her arms crossed as the two police officers were questioning Tegan. "Do you know if Jonathan was ever violent towards Jeremy in the past?" asked the guy. "I don't know… I think so. Jeremy never mentioned anything but about a month ago he had a black eye. Made up some story about falling when he got out of the shower" said Tegan. "And did you believe him?" asked the girl. "I guess… I didn't have any reason not to? He always… seemed… I don't know… Jer seemed happy… Oh God why didn't I pick up on this… I should have picked up on this" said Tegan with her hands over her mouth. "Tegan don't…" said Kate and touched Tegan's shoulder. "Dr Morgan… Please keep quiet, you're here to observe Tegan's medical condition… that's it" said the guy cop. Kate gave him a dirty look. "Okay what happened next… after the argument, when you wanted to leave?" asked the girl.

Tegan continued to tell them as much as she could remember. "I don't know… I ran… I was so scared… I just wanted to see that my kids were okay" said Tegan a few minutes later. "When did you get stabbed?" asked the cop. "Um… must have been when I ran to see the kids. I felt something in my side and I fell… It didn't hurt though" said Tegan. "You probably didn't feel it because of the vast amount of adrenaline in your system" said Kate. "Jeremy jumped on him… He hit him so hard… he was losing it because he hurt me. He was really upset…. I think that made Jonathan even more mad, Jer defending me... trying to protect me. I… I ran to the room and found the kids… they seemed to be okay... they weren't awake but they were breathing. I was just so scared, they didn't want to wake up. I should have locked the door… I should have… called the cops…. I just… I was so worried that he hurt my kids" said Tegan.

Tegan continued her story. She was clearly upset. "What happened to your mouth Tegan?" asked the cop a few minutes later. "Huh" asked Tegan softly and touched her mouth absentmindedly. "Oh… He hit me… when Jeremy went to get the first aid kit to help with the stab wound" said Tegan. "So he let Jeremy leave?" asked the cop. "Yeah… to… get the bandage" said Tegan. "I see. Did Jonathan just let him go?" asked the cop. "No… he… Jeremy freaked out and he… he basically begged him… he told him that if… if there's any chance of him listening to him Jon would have to let him help me. Jon said he'd kill me if Jeremy tried anything" said Tegan and stayed quiet. "Go on" said the cop. "Can I just have a minute to… catch my breath" said Tegan looking upset.

"That's enough now" said Kate protectively to the cops. "Doctor Morgan… we need to…" said the cop before being cut off by Kate. "I said that's enough!" said Kate loudly. "Kate" said Tegan softly. "You're upsetting my patient" said Kate. "Kate calm down" said Violet. "How did we upset your patient?" asked the cop. "She's been through enough… this can wait" said Kate not answering the cop's question. "Doc... sorry but…" said the cop. "Kate" said Tegan. Kate didn't look at her. "Dr Morgan!" said Tegan, louder this time. Kate glared at the cop before looking down at Tegan. "Maybe it's better if you wait outside" said Tegan looking pale. "I'm going to take care of this Tee… you just relax. She asked you to wait outside" said Kate to the cops. "Kate listen" said Tegan. Kate didn't listen but started arguing with the cops again. "Katy! I meant… I think you should wait outside" said Tegan. "Sorry… what?" said Kate looking confused.

"Can we please have a minute" said Tegan to the cops. "Sure" said the female cop and left the room. "Kate… I want you to wait outside" said Tegan. "No… I'm not going anywhere" said Kate. "Kate please… you've been through enough without having to hear all this" said Tegan looking tired. "I promised Sara I'd stay with you" said Kate. "Violet's here, I'm okay" said Tegan. "No, they can come back later. We're done for the day" said Kate and started listening to Tegan's chest with her stethoscope. "Kate… It's okay… I'm okay… I really just want to get this done with. Go wait outside please" said Tegan. Kate stared at her. "I'll be quiet, I'll be calm" she said, her hands up defensively. "I want you to wait outside, it will make it easier for me... Please" said Tegan. "You need medical supervision" said Kate looking at Tegan's monitors. "Send somebody else in" said Tegan. Kate looked at her in silence for a few seconds. "Okay then… I'll send Teddy in. Press the call button if you need me" said Kate looking hurt. "I'm sorry Kate" said Tegan. Kate just walked out with her shoulders slumped and put her hand up dismissively. "That was a brave thing to do Tegan" said Violet.

A few minutes later Dr Altman and the police officers came back into the room. "Are you okay for us to continue our questioning?" asked the cop. Tegan nodded as Teddy upped her oxygen. Tegan was reasonably calm and recounted the events of the day as best she could. "Why was he screaming? Why did he lose his cool?" asked the cop. "I don't know… Jeremy… he touched my face and asked if I was okay… you know… the way friends do… Jer's always been kind of touchy feely…. And Jonathan… just lost it… He yelled for Jeremy to stop touching me… And then… he… he was screaming that Jeremy was… was… you know… had an affair with me" said Tegan becoming emotional. "Any truth to that?" asked the cop. "Are you out of your fucking mind!" said Tegan loudly and started wheezing. "I have to ask Mam" said the cop. "He is… he was… my best friend… that's it… we loved each other like brother and sister but I can assure you there was nothing romantic going on…. Not for the last 16 years at least… and even before that let's face it… it wasn't very romantic since we were both very gay" said Tegan.

"He started shouting things about being rid of me so they can be happy. Just them and the kids. He... he just... went crazy. Jeremy tried to calm him down but he... he cocked the gun and... I don't know... I can't remember how it happened... I just... I thought... I thought he was going to kill me and... I closed my eyes... Next thing I knew I heard a shot... it was so loud... so loud... and then... Jeremy was on me... I was frozen for a second and... I... I saw blood... so much blood... Jeremy... Jeremy was... he shot Jeremy... He meant to shoot me but Jeremy jumped in front of me... oh God... I don't want to relive this" cried Tegan and her breathing became erratic. "Okay Tegan... it's okay... deep breaths" said Teddy listening to Tegan's lungs. Tegan started wheezing again. "Take a deep breath" said Teddy holding an inhaler to Tegan's lips. Tegan sucked in the medicine and felt her airways open up again. "Are you okay Miss Quin... do you need a break?" asked the female cop. "No... I'm fine... just... a sec" said Tegan trying to regain her breath.

Sara walked back to Tegan's room after getting a cup of coffee to get a caffeine kick. She was so tired after not sleeping the previous night. "Kate?" said Sara looking at Kate sitting on a chair in front of Tegan's door. "Hey" said Kate looking up. "Are they done already?" asked Sara. "No... not even close" said Kate. "What are you doing out here then? Why aren't you with Tegan?" said Sara looking upset. "She kicked me out" said Kate looking perplexed. "That bitch! Tegan needs you... I'm going in there to talk to her. Can't believe these cops" said Sara. "No Sara... not the cop... Tegan kicked me out" said Kate. "What do you mean she kicked you out?" said Sara. "She asked me to leave, she kicked me out!" repeated Kate. "Who's with her... she needs a doctor with her" said Sara sounding upset. "Teddy's with her" said Kate. "How could she kick you out?" asked Sara. "I... I guess I got a bit over emotional and over protective" said Kate. "Oh baby" said Sara taking Kate in her arms. "You know she's just trying to protect you, in her weird way" said Sara. "I know" mumbled Kate. "Sweetie... I haven't thanked you yet for what you did yesterday. That must have been so incredibly difficult. You're so fucking brave... so amazing" said Sara holding Kate's face in her hands. Kate just looked down and closed her eyes trying to compose herself.

"He was conscious for a while... He talked to me... Told me he loved me. Told me to take care of the kids" said Tegan in tears. "Where was Jonathan?" asked the cop. "He was fucking crying on his knees begging Jer to hang on" said Tegan. "I shouted for him to call 911 which he did... It was obvious that he didn't want Jer to die. He was begging Jeremy to forgive him... Jer... Jer just looked at him and said 'how could you do this?' He... seemed so hurt... that the person who he thought he loved... could shoot him... or shoot me... or... I don't know" said Tegan looking sad. "I know this is hard Tegan. You're doing really well" said Violet squeezing Tegan's hand. "I tried my best to stop the bleeding. I held pressure on the wound. There was so much blood… I held him close and begged him to hang on... I told him he'd be okay... I listened to him struggle to breathe... then suddenly it stopped. I felt for a pulse... but... I couldn't find one... his heart stopped" said Tegan now sobbing. "It's okay Tegan... take a break" said Violet. Tegan ignored her. "I started pumping on his chest... and the blood... so much blood... I gave him CPR for a while... as well as I could... then Sara came in. I can still feel him under my hands... I can still taste his blood in my mouth" cried Tegan through her wheezes. Teddy put the mask back on Tegan. "Breathe Tegan... just take a minute... Your heart rate is through the roof" said Teddy.

Kate was watching Tegan's remote monitor at the nurse's station. "Fuck this I'm going in... she's tachy" said Kate. "What does that mean?" asked Sara. "It means her heart rate's sky high" said Kate. "Kate... Teddy is there... she'll call if she needs us. Step away from the monitor" said Abby. "I can't just stand out here... not being able to help... feels as if my hands are cut off" said Kate in tears with her hands in her hair. "It's okay babe... She's okay" said Sara hugging Kate.

Tegan felt like crap and breathed in the oxygen through the nebuliser for a few minutes while trying to stop her sobs. "I'm okay" she said taking the mask off. "Are you sure you're okay to go on?" asked the cop. "Yeah... let's just get this over with" mumbled Tegan. Teddy nodded at the cop. "When did Jonathan leave the room?" asked the male cop. "I don't know... he opened the door for Sara and the medics and... I don't know that's the last time I saw him... but I wasn't paying attention to him... I was too busy pumping Jeremy's chest" said Tegan.

"Go on Tegan... you're doing great" said Violet. "Somebody... I think it was Sara, at some stage pulled me off Jeremy to let the medics take over and I heard a shot... I don't know how long... or when... or" said Tegan. "That's okay" said the female cop. "I thought he killed Lindsey or the kids... I was so scared... I was so scared..." cried Tegan, her hands shaking. "Okay Tegan... take it easy" said Teddy. "I ran... to the room and I found the kids. They were okay... I think... they were crying... I left Sara with them to find Lindsey. I don't know how long that was but when I went back to check on Jer I saw him... in the bathroom... that fucker... in a pool of blood... I don't know what he did but it was clear he was dead" said Tegan emotionless. "He shot himself in the head" said the male cop. "Fucking coward! He should have manned up to what he did... he should have been punished... but he took the fucking coward's way out!" shouted Tegan. "Tegan calm down" said Violet stroking Tegan's hair. "He killed him... he... why did he... why did he do that... that fucking coward… He deserved to rot in jail" cried Tegan as emotion completely overcame her. "Okay that's it... I think you have what you need" said Teddy and put the mask back on Tegan.

The two cops came out of the room and Kate jumped up. "Are you done?" she asked. "We are... For now. Thank you Dr Morgan. We'll be in touch if we need more info" said the female cop. Kate rushed back into Tegan's room followed by Sara. "Tegan, you okay?" she asked and listened to Tegan's chest. Tegan was still sobbing hysterically. "It's okay Tee... I'm here... I'm right here" said Sara holding Tegan's hand. "Sedation?" asked Teddy. "Don't... please" begged Tegan and tried to calm herself down. "Just something to calm you down a bit Tegan. It won't put you to sleep. Just relax" said Teddy and injected something into Tegan's IV. "Deep breaths Tegan" said Sara calmly. Tegan nodded. "Come on, breathe with me... In... and out... you're doing great" said Sara.

Half an hour later Tegan's vitals were stable and she was a lot calmer although she still seemed emotional. She slowly turned onto her side and clutched a pillow. She gave an emotional shiver. "You okay Tee?" asked Kate. "Yeah... I'm just cold. Can I have another blanket please?" Lied Tegan. "Of course" said Abby and left to go fetch one. Kate put the digital thermometer into Tegan's ear. "I'm sorry Kate" said Tegan softly. "Nothing to be sorry about. You just relax and get some rest now so we can get you out of here" said Kate. Tegan nodded and closed her eyes. "Shhhh... sleep now" said Sara softly. "Go home guys… go home to your little girl" said Tegan softly. Sara just smiled sadly.

Tegan closed her eyes. She was dead tired and felt like crap. Her head was throbbing and her side aching but she knew that she wouldn't be able to get any quality sleep. She gave another shuddering sob as Kate put the oxygen mask back on her. She thought of Jeremy... she saw his laughing face, that last time they had a drink together. Tears started seeping through her closed eyelids again. Sara looked at Tegan as tears rolled down her own cheeks. "You're gonna get through this Tegan... we're going to get through this together" she whispered.

A couple of hours later Tegan was moved to a high care room. It was filled with flowers from friends and family. Sara was finally taking a break and napping in the family room. "Hey, heard your opening a flower shop…. Thought we'd contribute" said Erin entering Tegan's room a couple of hours later holding a massive bunch of flowers. "It's also a handy disguise" Tegan smiled weakly. Erin shrugged and hid her face behind the flowers. "Thanks" Tegan whispered. Erin put the flowers down. "How are you feeling?" she asked taking Tegan's hand. "Better thanks. Just wish I could get of these wires and shit" said Tegan. "Kate said that they're hoping to send you home tomorrow or the day after" said Erin. "Fuck the day after tomorrow. I'm out of here first thing in the morning. Wish I could go now. Have a lot to take care of" said Tegan. "We're going to help you with that Tegan. We're here for you but right now, you have to take care of yourself" said Erin. "Thanks… Anyway… what's going on out there? People must be asking a million questions" said Tegan. "Um… yeah... there's some speculation. The fans are losing their shit but all in all it's okay" said Erin. "Fuck E…. I don't know what we're going to do… it's such a fuck up" said Tegan. "You'll figure it out. It's going to be okay" said Erin. "Lindsey said she'll be here around 6 this evening. Alex and I are babysitting. It's going to be interesting getting them all through the bath and into bed" said Erin trying to change the atmosphere. Tegan smiled. "Thank you… for helping" said Tegan. "They can sleep over at our place tonight so Lindsey can stay with you?" said Erin. "No… I just want them back into their routine as soon as possible… but thanks" said Tegan.

A/N: Stay tuned for another chapter today