Bones was in a restless sleep again. She and Booth were back in that living room, Booth wasn't wearing a vest this time. He only had one and he had given it to her to wear. The perp was jumping out of the closet again, the shotgun blast rang out and Bones was screaming, "Noooooooo."
She bolted upright in bed, wide awake and heaving for air. Her face, arms and chest were covered in sweat soaking through her night shirt. She took a moment to catch her breath. Her hands were shaking. The nightmares were not stopping.
Every time she closed her eyes, her brain would work through all the possible scenarios of them being in that house again. Pablo Alvarado coming out of the closet with his shotgun. Booth was dying, bleeding to death, paralyzed, she was shot, she was dying, they both were hit, they died together. She could not stop the visions of horror every night.
She knew Booth was alive and recovering fine. However, that did not stop her mind from torturing her. She was a scientist, and she was aware of all the variables that went into the day's event. If even one had gone slightly different, she did not want to imagine what could have happened and her nightmares reminded her of that every night. She knew it was nonsense to think like this. She kept telling herself, he was alive. Nevertheless, the nightmares kept coming.
Bones had visited Booth at the hospital after the incident. The doctors had rushed him to surgery, removed the bullet, stopped the bleeding, and sewed him up. He was fine. Aside from some shoulder rehab and some required time off to heal which he was not happy about, he was fine. He wanted to get back to work. He reminded her every time she visited.
"Bones I'm going crazy in here."
"Booth, you've been shot. You need to heal." She sat next to his hospital bed watching cartoons with because he couldn't get his remote to change to channel to ESPN.
When he had awoken from surgery, she had to explain to him what had happened. He vaguely remembered getting shot, but after being shot he didn't remember anything. She told him about her shooting Alvarado, which he was very proud of, "All that time at the gun range with me paid off," he smirked.
She told him about finding the blood and having to rip his shirt. "Enjoy what you saw?" He raised an eyebrow, still very drugged up and the man could still flirt.
"Oh stop," she said, "I was trying to save you."
"You're telling me you didn't even take a second to appreciate these abs," he pulled his hospital shirt up to reveal his six pack and Bones swatted his hand down and he dropped the shirt.
"You are enjoying these drugs, aren't you?"
"Maybe," he winked, and she tried not to blush.
Bones told him about the stray bullet and trying to stop the bleeding. CPR and her last-minute fist pound to his chest.
"Yeah, that hurt by the way," he said, rubbing his chest," I have a bruise."
"And get shot didn't hurt?"
"Not as much." She gave him a glare and he backed off the subject.
Booth was released after a few days and was assigned to continue recovery at home.
Bones had not talked to Booth since. It had been a week. She continued to go to work, but there was no FBI cases. She worked on identifying bones from limbo and locked herself away in her office most of the time. She wanted to be alone and not deal with the fact that Booth wasn't at work because of her. She waved off Dr. Sweets both times he tried to corner her and convince her she should come talk with him. She did not need to talk to the boy shrink. This was none of his business, despite it clearly being his busines to provide psychological help to the FBI and their consultants. She disregarded his field and decided her way of coping was best.
Although pushing her feelings down, was not making the nightmares go away. She could not go to Sweets, that was a show of weakness, right? She didn't need therapy, she told herself. Watching your partner almost die in front of your eyes because she wanted to pay cop and got herself in trouble was totally normal. He almost died and it was her fault, but she would be fine coping with that guilt.
Just then, her phone rang. Who would be calling at this late hour?
Brennan picked up her phone to see Booth's name. Of course, he was calling her, he had a sixth sense for these things. His gut, he'd say.
"Hey Booth."
"Hey Bones."
"Why are you calling me this late?"
"Can't sleep. Thought you might be up."
"Why would I be up?"
"Sometimes you pull all-nighters at the lab or writing your book." He was right. He didn't know she was having nightmares.
"No writing tonight. Just couldn't sleep through the storm," she lied.
"Well, because you're up and I'm up, I was wondering if you wanted to come over."
"Uh come over?"
"Yes. And… er talk."
"Talk?" she asked. She felt like he was seeing right through façade.
"I don't know. I've been having a hard time dealing with what happened and I thought you'd be the only person who would understand and be able to fill in some gaps for me."
That made sense she told herself. Maybe it would be a good idea to help Booth, maybe it would help her accept that he was fine. There was no other reason to go over there.
"Sure, I can come over. I'll be over there soon." Bones hung up and got dressed. Already feeling better to not have to try to go back to sleep. Bones thought if anything, Booth could keep her awake and away from the nightmares that haunted her.
She was soon at Booth's front door knocking. She heard faint footsteps and a bolt unlocking. There was Booth wearing grey sweatpants and a casual short sleeve button up, his left arm was in a sling and she could see extra padding under his shirt sleeve from the bandages.
"Hey, Bones. Thanks for coming." Booth's hair was messy and it looked like he hadn't slept in a few days. Was he doing worse than her?
"Hey, Booth. How is your arm?" He welcomed her in and locked up behind her.
"Sore. Still hurts when moving around. I have to continue taking all these anti-inflammatory pills and heavy pain meds. I think they are the reasons I can't sleep. Plus, it hurts to sleep in almost every position."
"I'm so sorry about that." Bones was trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to well up.
"Why are you sorry? Alvarado shot me." Booth smiled like it was no big deal, turning toward the kitchen. "I put some coffee on, you want some?"
She nodded and he retreated to the kitchen out of sight. Bones paced the entryway in thought before she heard a yelp and crash from the kitchen. She ran into the kitchen to find Booth covered in hot coffee, a broken mug on the floor and another in his non-sling hand.
"Guess it was a bad idea to try to carrying coffee with this arm." She laughed.
"Are you okay? Did the coffee burn you?" She grabbed a towel near the stove and made an attempt to dry off his shirt, but it was a lost cause.
"I'll just go get another shirt." Booth left the room still dripping some coffee off his shirt while Brennan stayed to clean up the floor and broken mug pieces.
It wasn't too long before Booth shouted from his bedroom. "Hey Bones, could you come help me please?"
Bones walked across the apartment to find Booth in his bedroom with his shirt mostly off but caught on his bandaged arm. "The wet shirt is sticking," he said.
Bones did notice this time. Booth's chest was toned and so smooth. She abs were defined beyond a six pack if that was possible to even have an eight pack. Then, she noticed a little higher on chest. He wasn't lying, she really did cause a lot of bruising while she was performing CPR. Along his pectorals and down his sternum were black, blue, and purple bruises the diameter of his chest. They looked very painful. She did save him by doing it, but that didn't take away how gruesome his chest looked.
"Bones?" he reminded her, still struggling with his shirt.
"Yes, sorry. It's just, your chest, does that hurt?" She grabbed hold of his arm and the shirt and began to separate the two. Also, noticing his arms were quite large themselves.
"Only when someone pounds on it." They both smiled and Bones was able to remove the rest of his wet shirt with only a slight grimacing from Booth.
"There are clean shirts in the closet," he pointed. "I can only wear button ups right now because I can't obviously get a shirt over my head when I can barely even take a button up off."
Bones found the shirts in the closet and grabbed a blue flannel one. She held the arms open for Booth to put his good arm through and then she carefully helped his injured arm through as gingerly as could. Once the shirt was on, she buttoned it up for him and helped him back into his sling.
She took a step back and Booth was rearranged the straps to be more comfortable. Bones stared at him a moment, observing his current predicament and finally broke down. Her tears burst out and there was no stopping them.
"Whoa, Bones. Don't cry. What's wrong?" She couldn't find the words to speak. She was hunched over trying to stop to emotions from spilling out. She ha been hiding them for so long, burying them down deeper and deeper. It was useless to try and calm herself now.
Booth pulled her into a half hug with his good arm and squeezed tightly. Bones wrapped her arms around his torso and cried into his newly dry shirt. Booth didn't ask any more questions. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and gently started to rub circles on her back. Bones did not know how long they stayed like that.
Eventually, the tears dried, and Bones pushed herself up off of Booth's chest. There was a large wet spot where her face had been. She patted the spot and Booth just said, "We'll just forget about it. I don't want to do another wardrobe change."
This made Bones crack what Booth will consider a smile for his effort. He grasped her hand as she wiped tears away with the other hand and asked, "You feel better?"
"Yes." She squeezed Booth's hand back and he led them back out into the living room still holding her hand as a guide.
He led her into the kitchen where the broken mug pieces still lay on the counter will the coffee-soaked towel. Booth grabbed the remaining cup of coffee and told Bones she should probably pour her own this time.
After they had their coffee, they both walked back into the living and took a seat on either side of the couch. Booth allowed her a few sips before asking the about the elephant in the room.
"So, what was that about?"
"That? Nothing. I just, I can't, I'm having trouble with –," Bones could not find the words. She did not want to admit what she was dealing with but she knew she had to after her breakdown in the bedroom.
"Bones, is this about my shooting?" God he was always on nose with these things.
"Maybe." She set her coffee down and had wrapped her arms around herself.
"Bones, what could it be? I'm fine. I'm alive and well."
"I wouldn't say well. I just had to help you get dressed because you dropped coffee you couldn't carry because you only have one arm."
"That's just temporary. It wasn't like I had it amputated. It just hurts right now." Booth gave her a reassuring look but she wouldn't look at him.
They were silent for a while. Booth did not want to interrupt her thinking know she would open up if he gave her the time.
"Booth, I'm been having nightmares." She left it at that.
"Nightmares?"
"Every night."
"About the shooting?"
"Yes. The shooting, you, the sound of the shotgun blast, the blood, all the blood, you dying, all the different possibilities of what could have happened." She finally looked up to meet his beautiful brown eyes. So calming those deep chocolate orbs were, she did not know how they could be so soothing with that twinkle in them.
"What other possibilities? I survived. You saved me."
"I only needed to save you because you got shot, which was my fault." She held herself tighter feeling more tears coming.
"Bones it was not your fault. Stop telling yourself that. I stepped in front of that bullet. That was my choice."
"You saved my life."
"I mean I don't want to toot my own horn, but yes if you want to put it that way." There was that charming smile. Damn that man knew how to make a girl blush. Too bad Bones was not in the mood.
"Booth, you were shot. You were shot protecting me. I shouldn't have even been there. You told me to stay there. But I made you take me with. Even your team thought it was a bad idea."
"You didn't make me take you, I decided to take you. Again, my choice. Not your fault," he said. She refused to look up again not buying his perspective as truth. "You can be a little annoying sometimes, always thinking you're right or the smartest person in the room, which you usually ae the smartest person in the room. However, I did not want you to come because I can't imagine seeing you get hurt. That is why I said no originally, and it was my mistake to say you could come. That is why I took that bullet. It was my bad call and I had to keep you safe. That is my job."
Bones raised her head. "Your job?"
"Yes. I am the FBI agent assigned to the Jeffersonian and my job is to solve crimes, yes, but also to keep you and your team safe."
"You did save me."
"See I am very good at my job." That award-winning smile again.
"I am still going to feel guilty about that."
"Why? You then saved me. Karmic justice righted. All is good. Alvarado is in custody thanks to you for shooting him after he shot me."
"But I can't get over how you wouldn't have had to save me if I had just stayed behind like you told me to…"
Bones trailed off. Her rational brain was trying to interpret everything Booth was saying. They were both guilty. He for letting her go and her for pushing him to let her go. But Booth was right that she should not be having nightmares about all the different scenarios that could have happened because this one was the only one that mattered. And like he said himself, he was alive, fine, and only temporarily hurt.
She knew she could be pushy, and he had given in to her to go with them into the house. He was taking the blame for that, but she knew she needed to back off in the future. Let the FBI do their job, she would stay back. They were partners but she needed to trust that he could do his job without her. Especially because how was she supposed to do her job if she was dead trying to do Booth's? Booth was very good at his job and she very good at hers. It was more than that though. Did Booth only take that bullet because it was his job? Sweets had tried to convince her once that she was trying to learn Booth's job so she could do it without him one day. That she would not need him anymore. She did not believe in psychology, but she did know that was not the reason she always pushing to tag along with Booth.
"Bones? What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?" Booth probed.
"I am really sorry I pushed you to take me with you. I should have realized it was not my place and let the FBI apprehend the criminals…"
"Yes, I agree."
"But there is more. I think, I think the reason I tag along with you and am so pushy to go into dangerous situations is the same reason you stepped in front of that bullet." She paused to gauge what he was feeling. Booth's strong exterior turned sheepish. She was getting somewhere.
"Booth, did you only step in front of that bullet because it was your job? And if I died, you'd get yelled at by your boss?"
"No," Booth immediately said but then trailed off, Bones did not pester him more. She just waited. Booth took a deep breath knowing she was going there, and he need to man up. "I would do anything to protect you Bones. I'd obviously take a bullet for you or anything else to keep you out of harm's way. You're my partner but you're more than that Bones."
Booth and Bones just stared at each other for a while. Neither could get themselves to say what they were truly feeling but the other knew and that was enough.
"Let's just leave it at, I am your FBI standard issue body armor, and you are my smarty pants crime solving anthropologist." Booth continued, "You are alive because of me and I am alive because of you. We are partners and we protect each other. I care about you and you care about me, and we will take it from there."
"Agreed."
Booth reached across the couch to bring Bones into a hug. She embraced him and he could feel her smiling into him. Booth whispered in her ear, "I will always be there for you Bones. I want you to feel safe when I am around because I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."
"Thank you, Booth. I'll try not to be so annoying."
Booth cradled Bones with his good arm as he swung his legs onto the couch taking hers with him and leaned back against the pillow. Bones curdled into his side and rested her head on his good shoulder. He held her tighter and placed her hand on his chest right over the bruises she created over his heart. They both closed their eyes, very tired but finally at peace.
"I don't want to lose Booth." Brennan said softly.
"You won't. I'm right here."
With that, Bones closed her eyes and fell asleep blissful for the first time since the shooting. She held tight to her reality they held her tighter in his arm. She did not have any more nightmares.