Chapter 4
It's been nine days. Nine days since Billy shut the door in my face. Nine days since I was at Jake's house ready for my next fix. It's been even longer since I saw my personal sun. I'm back to just embers burning in the icy pit of darkness that resides in my heart. Charlie has noticed. I'm back to screaming almost nightly. The kids at school no longer speak to me. The novelty of my outburst having faded in the wake of my near zombie state reappearing. It came to a head this morning when Charlie threatened to send me back to Renee if I wasn't showing signs of getting better again by the end of the week. That gives me four days if he's going by the school week. Next week is spring break and that'd be the perfect time in his eyes to have me packed and shipped to Florida without missing a lot of school. I look in the mirror again. I don't know why I always do that but I think it helps me face my reality by seeing the physical changes my emotional state or lack of has affected me. I see that shell again but as I think about how I'll give Jake one more chance to even talk to me on the phone before I will make a trip out to the res to force the issue I see that small light in my eyes grow just the smallest amount. Decision made about dealing with my supposed best friend who's been avoiding me. I feel myself start to come back alive. I feed that little flame inside me because I'm not going to give into the numbness again. I'll be damned if I let another boy cause me to retreat back inside myself. I can do this on my own. I put Mike Newton in his place without Jacob. I dragged myself out of my depression enough to notice Charlie's worry before Jacob came back in my life. I can do this. I will get to the bottom of why Jacob's avoiding me because I know he's not sick. You can't be out with the guys watching movies and playing football on the beach if you're too sick to answer the damn phone. It was with this last bit of my pep talk that I felt the tiny flame inside turn into a small fire. I could've swore I saw my eyes flicker but I shook my head and put it down to an overactive imagination.
When I got to school I had a firm plan in mind on how I was going to confront Jacob and Billy. It was just a matter of making it through the rest of the day. It was going to be easier said than done though. Maybe it was because I was actually awake and alive enough to pay attention to the people around me that I noticed the looks and whispers I got everywhere I went or maybe it was just the determined set to my face and my stride that caused them. I'm not sure which but I do know it had to be Lauren Mallory, Jessica Stanley, and Mike Newton at the center of the gossip. The queen bitches and their lapdog. To say Mike took the public humiliation badly was an understatement and add that to the queen bitches resentment of me from the first day I came to Forks High and you have the making of a molotov cocktail. Lauren resents me for the attention I gained by being the shiny new toy as Jessica once put it. Jessica hates me because Mike chased me even while he was supposed to be dating her. Mike hates me because I humiliated him. I actually made it until lunch time before I was ready to blow a gasket. I walked up to my normal table in the corner where I could be alone when the shit hit the metaphorical fan.
"So, I heard that Slut Swan has been doing all the boys out on the reservation. Aren't you glad you never touched that whore with a ten foot pole Mike?" Lauren was grinning as she spoke loud enough for me to hear across the cafeteria. Normally I wouldn't pay her any-mind but today just wasn't a good day for me. To make matters worse that stupid retriever couldn't keep his mouth shut either.
"I am so happy! I mean even if I had wrapped it like a gazillion times I probably still would've caught something. Man, can you imagine fucking something that half the res has had? It'd be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway!" He doubled over laughing like he was the funniest thing ever. That small fire in me was turning into a roaring blaze as my anger mounted higher and higher. It was all I could do to stay in my seat.
Jessica looked right at me and grinned maliciously before she took her turn. "Can you imagine how embarrassed her father is? I mean, he's the chief of police and he can't even keep his whore of a daughter from selling herself to anyone with a dick." I could've handled my rush of anger and stayed where I was if she hadn't brought Charlie into the slurs. I know I'm a disappointment to him and I know we have our problems but making a statement that could potentially ruin his career was crossing a line. I felt my anger flush my whole body as I rushed their table to grab Jessica by her hair. I don't even know how I managed to keep my grip on her when physically she's bigger than I am but I was pissed. The only thing I remember is her nails gouging my arms trying to free herself as I dragged her away from the table and threw her to the floor. The next thing I remember is running after Lauren in a near feral state. I remember looking down and seeing her bloody face and smirking triumphantly. It was as I turned to hunt down Mike that I was caught on either side by teachers.
"Miss Swan. This behavior has to stop now! We have notified your father and you are to wait in the principal's office for him to collect you." I slumped at the mention of Charlie knowing that he was going to be furious. Nodding my head and following behind the vice principal like nothing happened I grinned internally. I dared the queen bitches or that cowardly weasel to try the same shit again. I was smug because I won that round hands down. It was later as I waited on Charlie to finish down at the station that I realized that little roaring fire had never died back down to mere flames but had turned into a steady blaze. The cold emptiness was so far away that I could look into the depths without falling in. I think I am finally truly awake and alive.