Chapter 3

A Perfect Gentleman

This tragic tale, I must regale

Following that fateful paw print trail

To a place where desperate beggars wail

Sounds to drown out thoughts that are...naughty

Traversing the streets, my head bent low

Turning my head both to and fro

Searching for the red fur of my foe

And the pooch that once made me feel...naughty

The streets of Nowhere, like nowhere else

The uneasiness of my tortured soul quells

It breathes like dragons and merchandise sells

Carrying me to a time before my myriad hells

If I might digress for a moment more

To a time existing long before

I became the barber most deplore

The barber known to be...quite naughty...

...Fred, now 18 years old, was spending his tenth summer with his Uncle Eustace and Aunt Muriel. Just like every year, he showed up at their farmhouse with his suitcase in hand. This time was going to be different however. This wouldn't merely be a holiday with farm chores and home cooked meals. No, this year he had good news to share with his beloved family members. Well, two bits of good news actually...

Fred knocked on the door, and could clearly hear Eustace yelling from the other side.

"Muriel, the freak's here! Go get the door!"

Fred smiled wider at that nostalgic voice. His Uncle Eustace was such a jocular individual, always making jokes about Fred. Fred knew it was all in good fun however. He only wished he could figure out a way to help Eustace regrow his hair. If he could invent a guaranteed hair growth formula, then not only would he be able to sell it, but he would be able to cut hair over and over again to his heart's content. Oh, a man could dream!

Muriel answered the door, all smiles and good cheer. She truly was a beacon of light on the desert town that was Nowhere. She immediately hugged Fred and took his suitcase for him. She was going to walk inside, but then she noticed that Fred wasn't alone.

"Oh my! And who is this lovely young lady?" Muriel asked courteously.

"This is Barbara," Fred introduced her, "Barbara, this is my Aunt Muriel."

"Pleased to meet you," Muriel greeted her, "Are you a friend of Fred's?"

Barbara giggled with her hand over her mouth. Her laughter was as soft as the braided waves of blonde hair that hung from her head all the way down to the ground.

"I am Fred's girlfriend," Barbara explained, "Fred, you simply must get over this shyness of yours. He hardly says a word, yet he knows how to make me feel like the most important girl in the world."

"You are to me," Fred replied simply, his smile never wavering.

"Ah, young love..." Muriel sighed fondly.

"Eugh!" Eustace gagged, not getting up from his chair.

Muriel invited the pair in and set Fred's bag on the floor. Barbara was nervous to be in a new environment so far from civilization, but Fred had assured her that his aunt and uncle were fine people. To assuage her nerves, he had agreed to sleep on the couch while she took the guest room he would normally sleep in.

"So Fred, how have you been since we last spoke?" Muriel asked, "Did you graduate high school yet?"

"Yes," Fred nodded.

Fred seemed unwilling to elaborate, and Barbara just shook her head knowingly at him. He had come specifically to give them the good news, and yet he wasn't going to say anything when he had their attention. Well, Muriel's attention anyway.

"Mrs. Bagge, Fred is being modest again," Barbara told her, "He didn't just graduate high school. He's been accepted to the Kingdom Come School For Barbers. He got the top ranking in his class!"

"Oh, congratulations!" Muriel gushed, "Eustace, we're going to have another barber in the family!"

"Blah blah blah," Eustace griped disinterestedly, "When's dinner?"

"It'll be about an hour, Eustace," Muriel replied without taking offense, "And Fred, I am so proud of you!"

"Father said the same thing," Fred replied, his tone bland despite his jaw-creasing grin, "Although I feel my score would have been higher...if I had my lovely assistant by my side."

"Now Fred, you know how I feel about getting my hair cut," Barbara chided, "It took my entire life to get my hair this way, and I won't have anyone carelessly chop it off. Your score was fine using the mannequin."

"I suppose so," Fred sighed in resignation.

Barbara didn't hold his request against him, and kissed his cheek before going upstairs to wash up before dinner. Muriel went into the kitchen to check on dinner, and Eustace read his paper and ignored Fred. This left Fred alone with his thoughts, which was never a good idea.

Barbara was his high school sweetheart, and the first girl that had ever deemed Fred to be worthy of being called steady-boyfriend material. She was lovely, refined, and strong willed. Fred was in love, and therefore he did his best to be a gentleman. Still, whenever he saw her untamed locks of hair swinging wild and free onto the ground, well...it gave him ideas. Ideas he knew he shouldn't have. He wanted more from her than mere companionship, yet he didn't want to lose her. But still...all that hair. It made him feel so...conflicted.

Fred, not knowing what else to do with himself, went into the kitchen to check on his Aunt Muriel. She was humming a jaunty tune and mixing some tuna salad. The smell of fish and vinegar filled the air, an aroma that Fred always looked forward to. His mother never cooked, never even made him a sandwich, but his dear Aunt Muriel was always ready with a home cooked meal and a warm smile.

"Aunt Muriel," Fred called out.

"Oh!" Muriel started, almost dropping the bowl before catching herself, "I didn't hear you come in! Do you need anything, lad?"

"Just wondering if I can be useful," Fred replied.

"I have everything under control, Fred. Thank you for asking."

Muriel then turned back to her task, and Fred knew he should probably just leave her to it, but for some reason he just didn't feel like leaving yet. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but for some reason he just didn't want to be alone with his thoughts.

"That Barbara seems like such a nice girl," Muriel commented when she noticed Fred was still there, "At you planning to marry her? I know you're still young, but I wasn't much older than you are now when I married Eustace. Finding someone special is truly one of life's blessings."

"She is special," Fred agreed, "She is so beautiful, so...silky."

"Do you love her?" Muriel asked him.

"Yes," Was Fred's simple reply.

"That's good to hear," Muriel smiled, "I'd like to see Barbara come back next year."

"That rhymed," Fred commented cheekily.

Muriel giggled, understanding that Fred loved poetry snd rhyming. He used to rhyme all the time as a child, but these days he didn't do so out loud anymore. Fred was tired of being made fun of for it, though he could tell his aunt missed his effortless wordplay. Effortless...what he wanted to talk about was anything but effortless, but he still needed to talk to someone.

"Aunt Muriel..."

Fred paused, and Muriel waited patiently for him to continue. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but he knew he had to say something. Alarm bells were going off in his mind, and urges he struggled to control were gnawing at him like hungry wolves devouring a carcass. He needed help.

"...Aunt Muriel..." Fred began again, "...Do you ever want to do...bad things?"

"Bad how?" Muriel inquired.

"Well...I mean, do you ever look at Uncle Eustace and want...something...from him? Something you know you shouldn't take?"

"I did once," Muriel replied, surprising Fred, "When we were newlyweds, his brother gave him a pocket watch. It was a beautiful gold pocket watch, and it matched my dresses perfectly. Eustace wouldn't use it because he hated his brother, but he wouldn't let me use it either because he felt like pocket watches were for men only. I thought that was wrong, and I just wanted to borrow it."

"Did you?" Fred asked intently.

"No," Muriel shook her head, "I thought about it of course, but I didn't want to betray Eustace's trust. Even if he was being a selfish man, he's still my husband. Besides, eventually he forgot where we got the pocket watch and started using it. As long as he doesn't remember his brother gave it to him, then it's alright."

"Do you still want to use it?" Fred asked.

"Not really. I bought a locket that looked much better. It's shaped like a heart. I'm glad I didn't take the watch back then though. If I had, then Eustace might have never been able to trust me again, and all over something so small."

"Thank you, Aunt Muriel," Fred said with gratitude, "You've given me a lot to think about."

I was a perfect gentleman that day

And for several months I stayed that way

Until observing her curls caused my nerves to fray

And forced me to be...naughty

My Aunt Muriel gave such great advice

To not allow trivialities to entice

Devoted love alone should suffice

To keep a couple happy and nice

If only I had listened thus

And not broken my dear Barbara's trust

Then perhaps my habits would not have thrust

Me into an asylum rife with screams and dust

Fred, in the present day, kept walking down the dingy dirty streets of downtown Nowhere. Courage's trail had ended at the edge of town, where the dust bowl sands turned to concrete. Without footprints to guide him, Fred was having a more difficult time locating his aunt's beloved dog. He couldn't give up however. She was counting on him, and if he brought back Courage safe and sound then perhaps she would get well and be able to come home.

Not having any leads, Fred did the only thing left to him and began to question random passersby on the street. Most took one look at him and ran off screaming. Fred was, after all, a rather infamous barber around Nowhere and its surrounding areas. He had shaved a politician some time back, and then when the press came to ask him about it he had shaved a reporter too. In his defense, the reporter had an impressive afro and the politician had more hair than any man had a right to.

Not many were willing to talk to Fred, but one elderly man did notice something. He saw a pink dog with bloody paws running in the direction of the pier. That seemed odd to Fred, because he was sure Nowhere didn't have a body of water nearby, but then again he had been wrong before. With no other leads to go on, Fred started walking.

It took only 10 minutes to find a pier, though it only led to a small lake. Sea Dragon Lagoon, the sign read. Fred looked around, but he didn't see Courage. Noticing a fat rat man tying his boat to the dock, Fred decided to ask him some questions.

"Pardon me, good fellow," Fred addressed him politely, "Have you seen a little dog around here?"

"A dog, huh?" The rat asked gruffly, "About this big, pink fur, and screaming for dear life?"

Fred nodded.

"Yeah, I seen him," The rat drawled, "He ran through the docks and was bein' chased by some red cat creep."

"That's him! That's Courage!" Fred exclaimed hopefully, "Do you know which way they went?"

"Sure thing, pal," The rat replied, "They went-"

Before the rat could answer however, a huge sea monster breached the water and gobbled up the rat as swiftly as a flash! Fred's eyes went wide in shock for a moment, but he quickly recovered and walked toward the docked boat.

"Well, I guess you won't be needing this anymore," Fred remarked, "How convenient."

Still having no idea where he was going or whether or not Courage was still alive, Fred untied the boat and took off. The lake seemed like a good place to start. After all, if he could see the rest of the pier and campgrounds, then perhaps he would be able to find Katz before it was too late.

Even as he steered the boat he clutched his rusty shaving blade in his hand. It was happening now. Soon, that horrible Katz would pay and his aunt's dog would be reunited with her. It was only a matter of time.