Responsibility
When Meadowbush first discovered she was expecting kits, she was overjoyed. She could finally – finally show Risingsun how things were supposed to be done as a parent! Even though Larkeye looked at her with worried eyes and Adderstone remarked that the birth of those kittens wouldn't change anything, Meadowbush was determined. And determination? It was just everything that she needed as a parent.
She just knew it.
A paw poked into her side. Meadowbush winced as the kits squirmed inside her.
"Sorry!" Thornpaw leaped back, her eyes wide. "Did I hurt you?"
"No, Thornpaw. It's just the kits." Larkeye sat beside her apprentice, her eyes encouraging. "Now, try again. Feel the kits' positioning and their kicks to see if they're healthy."
The dilute tortoiseshell tentatively placed a paw on Meadowbush's swollen belly once more. Thornpaw's eyes narrowed in concentration as she felt the kits kick at her paw. The frown didn't leave the apprentice's face, even when she'd put her paw off of the ginger tabby queen.
"Uh, Larkeye?" Thornpaw glanced at her mentor, unsure. "I think – "
"Alright, that's enough," Larkeye interrupted, getting to her paws. "Go and collect some cobwebs, Thornpaw. And borage. We'll need it."
Thornpaw hunched her shoulders and replied a muttered "Yes, Larkeye," before padding out of the den.
"Meadowbush." Her sister placed a paw on Meadowbush's flank. "Look, I know what you're thinking. But Risingsun isn't going to be moved by how well you treat your kits. Our father is… just like that. Look at Thornpaw and Thicketpaw. They get coddled by Adderstone and Brindleshade all the time and Risingsun doesn't bat an eye. What makes your litter any different? This just puts you and your kits at risk."
Meadowbush glared at the medicine cat. "Larkeye, please. One example will obviously not be enough to move that old bat. Another example should set the border. Just watch."
Larkeye hesitated before continuing, "Meadowbush, please. What would your kits say if they knew they were just tools – "
"Leave!" The ginger tabby bared her teeth. "If you're going to just stay here and spit out negativity, go away! What do you know about motherhood anyway, Larkeye? Your so-called 'wisdom' is of no use to me!"
Larkeye retreated quickly, but shot a glare at the expecting she-cat. "She'll be sorry she didn't listen," the brown she-cat mumbled.
RESPONSIBILITY
Meadowbush was probably the best navigator in the clan. This was extremely useful when she snuck out of camp that night, guided only by the moonlight in the twists and turns of the maze. She tip-toed through the grass to the nearby stream. She drew back sharply at the tangy scent of blood. Undoubtably, there had been a skirmish between the Outsiders and MazeClan.
That feud didn't even matter, though. Meadowbush let out a purr when she saw the outline of her lover glowing white under the moon.
"Silverfish!" Meadowbush whispered. The silver tabby tom pricked his ears at the sound of his name, and his face lit up at the sight of her. His paws were quick to reach the other side of the stream.
"How are you?" Meadowbush murmured as she leant across to touch her nose to his.
"Not bad," Silverfish answered, drawing back. "Most of us are badly battered after the fight here."
Meadowbush shook her head. "It won't matter after the birth of our kits," she promised. "They'll see that they can just settle their differences and come together in peace."
"That would be nice," Silverfish agreed. "I don't want these kittens to grow up in war."
Meadowbush nodded. The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Meadowbush began to talk. "What names would you like for our kits?"
Silverfish scrunched his muzzle, thinking. "I'd say Flowerkit," he mewed at last. "For that flower I gave you when I first met."
"That's perfect," Meadowbush replied. "I was thinking maybe Sunkit for one. After my father."
"Question, why do you keep on sticking to your father like that?" Silverfish inquired. "From what I've heard from you, he sounds like the worst father in existence."
"I just really want to turn his eyes around and see that there's more to his silly omens," Meadowbush snorted. "I'm sure that with these kits, I'll be able to make him see that. He'll see that he should have treated his kits the way I'm going to treat them."
"Excuse me?" Silverfish blinked. "Meadowbush, the way you're describing it, it sounds like you're going to use these kits for your own good. Like tools."
Meadowbush sighed in annoyance. "I told my sister about this. I'm not going to be using them."
Silverfish still looked skeptical. "Meadowbush – "
"It's getting late. Why don't you go back to your camp and get some shut-eye?" the ginger tabby coaxed her mate. "You'll probably be twice as busy tomorrow."
The silver tabby tom opened his mouth to retort that no, he wasn't going to be busy, but Meadowbush was already heading back to her own clan camp.
RESPONSIBILITY
A week had passed since Meadowbush had last seen Silverfish. The Outsider had not returned to see her after that. The ginger tabby she-cat was also pretty close to her kitting, and the way the kits were positioned… seemed awkward. The way Thornpaw and Larkeye's expressions were guarded didn't help settle Meadowbush's nerves.
The way the clan seemed to be staring at Meadowbush wasn't so positive, either. Whitesnow and Adderstone ushered away Maplepaw and Redpaw when she was around. Hickorypaw had gradually stopped talking to his mentor. Meadowbush couldn't help but miss that chatterbox russet apprentice. Valleypaw's glares at her seemed to be colder than any other glare he gave to other cats.
As Meadowbush tiredly returned a suspicious glance thrown at her, she got up from her nest and padded out into the clearing. Her belly seemed even more swollen now, if anything. The she-cat tottered out of the maze; the usually quick route felt like miles.
Meadowbush let out a heaving pant when she finally was able to get out of the maze. Some burden this was. Then a familiar scent drifted across her nose. Meadowbush brightened, her tail flicking upwards.
Silverfish!
Meadowbush practically pranced towards the stream. There he was, her beautiful, handsome mate. The father of her soon-to-be-born kits.
"Silverfish," she began, but was promptly cut off.
"Meadowbush, I've come to tell you that I'm no longer going to be your 'mate'."
The ginger tabby faltered. What? "Silverfish, don't joke with me," she chuckled.
Silverfish's eyes were cold. "Meadowbush, be honest with me. Do you feel like you would be a responsible mother to our kits?"
Meadowbush frowned. "Responsibility? I'm… not really sure…?"
Silverfish exhaled. "Face it, Meadowbush. We both weren't thinking straight when we agreed to have these kits. You won't be able to show Risingsun how parenthood really works." The tomcat looked at her straight in the eye. "I'll do you a favor. Give me two kits of your litter."
Meadowbush bristled. "No."
"You have to." Silverfish's eyes narrowed. "This is to ensure at least two of them a happier future. Or do you even want a happy future for them?"
The ginger she-cat hesitated. "I… Silverfish, I need them in my life. Please."
"No, you don't."
"Please!"
"No!" Silverfish snarled. The silver tabby tom was breathing hard, his fur now bushed up. Meadowbush stared up in shock and grief at the Outsider. Silverfish inhaled, trying to regain his composure. "Meadowbush. You have to give two of them up to me. It's for the best."
And Meadowbush, as stubborn as she was, couldn't help but nod.
RESPONSIBILITY
The following moons passed by in a haze. Meadowbush couldn't bring herself to remember everything.
Cloverkit and Puddlekit will be safe and happy, she assured herself. But even that couldn't dull the pain of Flowerkit and Petalkit. The two weaker kits had died mere moments after their birth. Thornpaw was still berating herself for losing them. The clan grieved for them, and they were buried on a rainy, stormy day.
The ginger tabby couldn't help but think that the two lives had slipped easily like the rain out of her lives. Too quick for her to catch.
Meadowbush slipped out of the warriors' den, four moons after Silverfish had taken her two kits. The pain was slowly slipping away, thankfully. Meadowbush squinted in the amber morning light.
Risingsun was grooming himself in front of the elders' den. He noticed his daughter. His amber eyes stared pointedly at her.
Meadowbush returned the gaze. For once, she felt as if she could stand strong. She'd been responsible, for once in her lifetime.
I just wish you could have been at least half the parent I hoped that you would be.