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Clint's POV

He allowed Panov to steer him towards his office. It took all of Clint's self control not to shake. The surprise letter would not have affected him this bad if it wasn't for the mission. Killing from afar was Delta. It was part of what brought out the panic.

Once again he was thankful for the doctor. By the time they reached his office Clint was already mentally exhausted. He was so tired of fighting his nature.

Panov opened the door that had not been locked. The doctor must have left it unlocked when he rushed to help him. It showed how much the man had come to care about him.

Panov pushed him inside and Clint went to his usual seat. Clint slumped into it. His energy and need to fight long gone now.

Panov took a seat across from him his hazel eyes meeting Clint's blue grey eyes. He inquired softly, "What happened, Clint? It couldn't have just been the letter? You were doing so well before this. There had to be something that acted as precursor."

He stared at the doctor before he said, "I killed someone on my mission. I thought it wouldn't be any different than when I was on my own. Or when I was running my team. But... It is different. It's not take the shot as soon as you see them anymore. I have someone watching my every move. I..."

Panov's eyes softened as he whispered knowingly, "You feel like if you do it wrong then they won't let you stay. You're afraid of losing your place in SHIELD."

Solemnly he nodded. Despite the differences between SHIELD and the CIA he feared losing his place. Here he felt like he finally had a reason to live. A place to belong.

Panov slowly reached out his hand coming for Clint's face. It took all of his will not to lash out at the man. He couldn't prevent the flinch that he gave however. Panov didn't stop but it was slow that if he wanted. Instead Clint sat stock still not moving away but not moving closer either. His eyes were cast downcast and away from the doctor.

Panov's warm hands cupped his chin and lifted it so he met the doctor's gaze. Hazel were unjudgemental and held a kindness. The kindess threatened to undo him.

In his short life there were only a few that ever showed him an ounce of kindess. More often than not it was a way to get what they wanted out of him. These eyes were honest in a way few were. He trusted this man.

Panov said his eyes holding Clint's, "Hear me and hear me well. Clint they will not abandon you. You have a place here in SHIELD. We look after our own through thick and thin. You need to understand that. This isn't Medusa."

Clint's thoughts went to when Coulson had been left to die. How if he wasn't going after Gordon the man would have died. What about then?

As if sensing his thoughts Panov replied, "Hey. Coulson has been known to get out of situations like that. He has been known to hold out until help would finally arrive."

That made sense in its own way. Coulson couldn't have broken out on his own. Not with the way his leg was when his team arrived. Putting weight on it would have been impossible.

SHIELD looked after their own it would seem. If they truly wanted to stop Clint from going after his brother and handler they could have. They had several good agents that he trained with. They could certainly take him down if they stopped holding back.

Clint whispered truthfully, "Thank you doc."

Hazel eyes widened with surprise then softened. There was an unfamiliar light in his eyes. One that Clint couldn't quite understand.

Panov said, "You're welcome. How about you go lay on the couch in my rooms? Think on what you want to do from here. There is no pressure to go to this wedding. Just lay down and think on it. I'll be here when you're ready to talk."

Clint for a moment wanted to argue but stopped. Panov never did anything without a reason. He was right. Just because they were once members of Medusa didn't mean he should shy away from contact. He simply needed to go about it in a different way. Think it through first then decide. Not everyone from Medusa was a bastard like Alpha. Some were just as lost as he was. Trying to find their place in the world and ended up where no one should be.

So he laid himself out on Panov's couch. He allowed the door to stay open so he could hear the man's movements. The man's soft footsteps moved from his chair to behind his desk. Then came the soft scratch of pen on paper. The sounds lulled him into a peaceful doze.

Couslon's POV

He stood before Nick's desk. His old friend looked incredibly pissed. It wasn't that he blamed the older man. He just wanted to make sure that the anger was directed at the right person. Despite the episode the day's events weren't Barton's fault.

Nick's rumbling voice question, "So this shit show started with Banks giving Barton unauthorized mail from someone the kid saved? Then it could have been turned into a blood bath by a nurse that is trained to prevent such things? Why does always happen on days I don't have to be here, Cheese?"

Phil winced. It was one of the man's few free days. He didn't know what Hill said to get him to come and he didn't want to know. Nick was hard enough to deal with most days. He almost pitied the doctor and the nurse.

Then again both of them could have gotten a lot of people hurt or killed. The nurse would likely be removed from SHIELD. Banks would be reprimanded but no serious harm done.

Fury inquired suddenly a calm coming over the older man, "How is the kid? Is he still talking with Panov?"

Phil answered, "He is. I believe that despite today's setback the talks help. He seems more open with the doctor than with anyone else. I see him occasionally writing in a journal. No doubt Panov gave it to him to keep track of his thoughts."

Nick's lips twitched in amusement as he said, "No doubt. That sounds like something he would do."

Then a contemplative look crossed his face. It wasn't something Phil saw often.

He asked curiosity getting the better of him, "What's wrong?"

Fury shook his head as he stated in a time that booked no argumemet, "It's nothing. Get your boy and take him down to R&D. They said they had the project he wanted up and running. A project they refuse to tell me about until he tests it."