Chapter 210
"I can't believe Lindsey and Sara agreed to let us go" said Kate.
"I think Linds is so sick of my shit, she looks forward to a night without me" said Tegan getting into the car.
"I don't think that's true" said Kate.
"Hmff, Sara didn't look too happy" said Tegan.
"She wasn't really, think she wanted to come but she understands that we need some… friend time" said Kate.
"I feel guilty…. Lindsey was all like 'go sweetie, you deserve a bit of a break'. Meanwhile… I deserve a slap against the head" said Tegan.
"Stop that now Tegan, for god's sake… stop this self-defecating shit" said Kate as they drove up into Erin's driveway.
"Sorry" whispered Tegan looking out of the window.
"Hope I can at least have a beer before the shit hits the fan" said Tegan.
"Well I'm sure I can hook you up" laughed Kate.
-0-
"They're up to something" said Sara staring out of the window.
"What are you talking about sweetie" said Sonia.
"I know t hose two… something's not right" said Sara.
"I'm sure they've got some kind of mischief up their sleeves but sweetie…. Let them have some fun" said Sonia.
"Do I sound jealous? I don't mean to sound jealous" laughed Sara.
"No you don't… not that I'd blame you. I'm jealous" smiled Lindsey.
"They're probably going to be drinking and talking crap all night. I'd much rather be tucked into bed" said Sonia.
"Yeah…. It's probably what they're doing" said Sara with a half-hearted smile but still looking concerned.
-0-
Tegan jumped out of the car and ran towards her friend.
"Erin! I've missed you so fucking much… god I've missed you" said Tegan hugging Erin tight.
"I've missed you too Tee… you okay?" asked Erin still hugging Tegan.
"No… but I will be" said Tegan.
"Well…. Let's do it" said Kate after hugging her sister in law hello.
"You don't have to do this Erin. You must be tired after your flight. Go be with your daughter" said Tegan.
"Yes I do…. Leah is fine with the nanny for the night. Anyway – I slept the entire flight from New York. I'm fresh as a daisy." said Erin.
"What did you tell Alex?" asked Tegan.
"Same thing you told your partners. He's still busy shooting in New York. He's focussed on that, didn't ask any questions" said Erin.
The girls walked down to the pool house.
"Hey congrats on the number one album Teegs" said Erin and squeezed Tegan's shoulder.
"Thanks" said Tegan blushing.
"Oh and thanks to you for all that exposure. Don't think we would be anywhere near number one without that movie and that Oscar" said Tegan.
"Yeah you would… of course you would" laughed Erin.
Tegan didn't reply, she stuck her hands in her pockets and walked wordlessly towards her detox.
A few minutes later the girls were having a beer and some pizza on the patio. Tegan looked nervous.
"Kate… when…. You know" asked Tegan.
Kate looked on her watch. "Don't know Tee… soon. Just relax. Take it easy" smiled Kate.
Tegan swallowed hard and took her last sip of beer.
"Anyone for another beer?" asked Tegan.
"Teegs… I don't think you should have another one" said Kate.
"I'm a fucking drug addict Kate… not an alcoholic" said Tegan looking annoyed.
"I know that Tegan… just trust me. It's probably going to come out soon and it's just going to make you feel worse" said Kate.
"Wow now I'm really looking forward to it" said Tegan sarcastically.
"Hey it's going to be okay bud" said Erin getting up and taking Tegan's hand.
"I understand… sorry" mumbled Tegan and walked into the house.
Tegan paced around the living room with her hands on her hips. She could feel the urge to take a pill start to take hold of her more and more. She tried her best to ignore it and plonked down on the couch and switched the TV on but turned the sound off. She didn't want to make more small talk outside, she just wanted to stay focussed. She rubbed her sweaty palms up and down her thighs with her eyes closed.
"You okay there Tee?" asked Kate softly.
"Uh huh" grunted Tegan not looking at her.
"You want to give me those pills now?" asked Kate.
Tegan sighed and opened her eyes. "It's in my bag… help yourself"
Kate emptied the bottle into her hand and did a quick count.
"You have any more anywhere?" asked Kate looking at Tegan.
"No" answered Tegan emotionless.
"Okay, I hope you're being honest Tegan. Because the only way this is going to work is if you're very honest" said Kate.
"I know… and I swear that's all of it" said Tegan.
"Good. I'm going to take some base line vitals now" said Kate.
Erin walked in and sat down next to Tegan.
"You okay?" she said softly.
"I'm good" said Tegan. She didn't look good. Small drops of perspiration were forming already on her forehead and nose and her breathing was fast and shallow.
"Can I get you anything?" asked Erin squeezing her hand.
Tegan shook her head looking close to tears. "Um… maybe just some water please" she asked softly.
"You got it" smiled Erin.
"Erin… I'm sorry for making you go through this" said Tegan looking down.
"You're not making me do anything Tee… I want to do it okay. You're my best friend. I'm going to make damn sure you get through this okay" said Erin.
Tegan didn't answer but simply buried her face in a couch pillow as Kate took her BP.
-o-
An hour later Tegan was lying on a couch clutching her stomach looking pale and sweaty. Kate and Erin were watching a movie, Tegan didn't hear a thing. She tried to focus on normalising her breathing. She groaned softly.
"Tee… you okay?" asked Kate.
"No… I really want a pain pill… Kate please, I feel like shit" said Tegan.
"What did you expect Tegan… of course you feel like shit. I can give you something that will help with the symptoms in an hour or so, that's when they'll really kick in" said Kate.
"What you mean this isn't it yet?" asked Tegan.
"Don't think so" said Kate.
"Yeah yeah…. Fuck off if you're not going to help me" said Tegan sounding angry and buried her face in a pillow.
"Should I get it ready? The meds to help with the detox symptoms" asked Kate.
"I don't want different drugs okay. I'm fine… I can do this. I don't need those drugs" mumbled Tegan.
"You're going to be okay" said Kate checking Tegan's pulse.
"Can't we…. Wean me off it or something? This really sucks… please…. Just give me something to take the edge off" begged Tegan.
"You made me promise to pull you through this… kicking and screaming. You said no weaning off… We don't have time to wean you off. I can give you some naloxone but that's it. No more pain meds. Let's just do this Tegan… you can do this" said Kate.
Erin sat down on the carpet next to the couch and put a cool, wet cloth on Tegan's forehead.
"You're okay Tee… you're okay" she said touching Tegan's chin.
-o-
An hour later
"I wonder what those three are up to" said Sonia.
"Probably getting drunk" said Sara looking annoyed.
"Oh sweetie pie… you are mad at them for not inviting you?" asked Sonia.
"No…. I don't know…. Yes" said Sara folding her arms.
"I guess they just want to get away – no spouses or partners for a change" said Sonia.
"I'm kind of enjoying the silence" said Lindsey with her feet up and her head thrown back.
"Linds, Sonia and I can go to my place?" said Sara.
"No no… please stay the night. You two don't need fussing over, I love having you here. You're family" said Lindsey.
"Okay cool" smiled Sara.
"Who wants a drink? Bugger those three" laughed Sonia.
"Yes! Me please" said Lindsey.
Sara still looked worried.
"I'm going to call Kate real quick" said Sara.
-o-
Kate glanced at her phone screen and then back at Tegan lying curled up in a ball with a bucket to vomit in next to her.
"Keep an eye on her" she mouthed to Erin and got up to answer her phone.
"Hey Sar" she said trying to sound happy.
"Katy cat… hi" smiled Sara.
"HI sweet pea" said Kate walking out onto the porch.
"What are you guys up to?" asked Sara.
"Oh just… you know… drinking… talking shit" said Kate.
"Uh huh" said Sara.
"Is Tegan there? She's not answering her phone" said Sara.
"She's around… let me find her" said Kate.
Kate looked at Tegan shaking on the couch.
"Babe she's passed out. She's a lightweight these days" said Kate trying to sound upbeat.
"Really" said Sara not sounding convinced.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure she gets to bed okay" said Kate.
Kate looked through the window again and saw Tegan vomiting into the bucket again.
"Baby I have to go… I'm being rude, Erin's all alone" said Kate.
"I don't give a shit… she can spend five minutes alone" said Sara.
"Okay… what are you guys up to" asked Kate.
"We're just… having a glass of wine, relaxing… discussing you guys" said Sara.
"Shit Sar… Ugh too much wine and tequila… I'm going to throw up… I need to go… speak to you tomorrow" Kate lied and made gagging noises to get rid of Sara.
Sara stared at the phone in her hand frowning.
"Something's not right" she said shaking her head.
"What did Kate say?" asked Lindsey.
"Nothing… she just… she's hiding something… I know her… and I have that fucking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I get when Tegan's in trouble" said Sara and dialled Kate's number again. Kate didn't answer.
"Dammit" said Sara under her breath.
"Let me try Tegan" said Lindsey now looking worried.
"Her phone is off" said Lindsey.
"Hang on…. There's a land line at the lake house" said Sara. She looked up the number and dialled it.
"No answer… I'm going to check with the security guys" said Sara.
-o-
Tegan was now shaking like a leaf, covered up to her chin with a duvet.
"Tegan let's get you to bed bud" said Kate.
Tegan didn't move but continued her rapid, shallow breathing.
"Come on Tee… I'll help you up" said Erin trying her best to help Tegan up.
Kate and Erin pulled Tegan up with great difficulty. Tegan could hardly put one foot in front of the other but the girls managed to pull her to the bed.
"I'm dying… I swear I'm dying" mumbled Tegan before throwing up yet again.
"I'm going to get an IV started bud. You're dehydrating really fast" said Kate.
"No... No more… no drugs" mumbled Tegan.
"It's not drugs sweetie… it's just some fluid replacement. We need to keep you hydrated" said Kate rubbing Tegan's hand.
"Uhhhhhh I'm dying" moaned Tegan clutching her stomach.
"You're not dying Tegan… I promise you're not dying. You're going to be okay" said Kate.
Tegan's breathing became more and more laboured. Erin held her hand and wiped her brow.
"No… cold" said Tegan and pushed Erin's hand away.
"Okay… we'll use a dry towel" said Erin sweetly and squeezed Tegan's hand.
"Can I… water" muttered Tegan.
"Here you go" said Erin holding a straw up to Tegan's lips. Tegan took a sip and started coughing violently.
"Alright… sit up… here you go" said Kate and slapped Tegan's back a few times. Tegan was weak and unsteady and plonked back down on the pillows.
Kate put the pulse oximeter on Tegan's finger and immediately pulled the oxygen closer. She opened it and put the cannula into Tegan's nose and around her ears.
Tegan groggily pulled the tube out.
"Leave that in buddy… it's going to help you feel better. Your sats are dropping you need this" said Kate putting it back in.
"Help me" Tegan moaned softly.
"Erin I'm going to need you to hold her arm steady for me so I can get this cannula in" said Kate.
Kate put a tourniquet around Tegan's arm and Kate held her arm steady.
"Teegsie please just try and stay still" said Kate and she tried to find a vein but missed.
"I'm dying" moaned Tegan again.
"You're okay… as long as I can get this IV started" said Kate.
"I can't…. I can't" muttered Tegan with her eyes closed.
"You can… you can do this" said Erin.
"There you go, IV is in. Let me give you some meds to help you Tegan" said Kate.
"No… no meds" breathed Tegan before leaning over the bed to vomit again. The bit of water she had a minute earlier came back out.
"Come on Tee… It's okay to get help babe" said Erin holding Tegan.
"No I… just the pain pill… where are the pills Kate… I can't do this" said Tegan sitting up. She sat shaking and looking out of it. She threw her legs over the bed.
"Tegan no… just let me give you the meds to help with the detox symptoms. You're not getting the pain meds again" said Kate.
"I can't do this" Tegan started sobbing.
"What the hell is going on here!" said Sara standing in the doorway.
-o-
I'm drowning… sinking
Into the blackness that I want to embrace but can't
It's like fighting somebody you love until you're both bleeding
Tegan lay staring out in front of her, tears rolling onto the white pillowcase under her.
-o-
"Sara" said Kate turning around looking shocked.
"Tegan? Tee are you okay" said Sara pushing past Kate.
"Sasa" whispered Tegan.
"What's going on Tegan? Kate?" said Sara looking horrified.
"Sara she's okay… just step outside with me" said Kate.
"Sara? Am I dreaming?" mumbled Tegan.
"No Tegan… I'm here. God… are you okay… Kate why is she on an IV and oxygen… what's going on?" asked Sara.
"Sara step outside with me" said Kate again, this time louder.
"I want to stay with her" said Sara.
"Sara, now" said Kate annoyed.
Sara just looked up at Kate, anger flaring up in her eyes.
"Erin… keep an eye on her sats and her pulse. I'll be back in a minute… I'm right outside" said Kate.
"Go Sar… I've got her" said Erin.
Kate grabbed Sara's wrist and pulled her out of the room.
-o-
"What are you doing here?" asked Kate.
"What the fuck are YOU doing here?" asked Sara looking livid.
"Sara just calm down for a minute" said Kate holding Sara's shoulders.
"I'll calm down when you tell me what's up with Tegan" yelled Sara.
"She's…. um…." said Kate looking down.
"What… is… going… on!" said Sara slowly.
"Look at me Kate" she said pulling Kate's chin up.
"Tegan's developed a dependence on pain killers. She understands that she has a problem and she asked us to help her through the detox process" said Kate.
"Oh god… is she okay… Kate is she okay… what is this doing to her breathing and… how… um" rambled Sara.
"She's okay… she's going to be just fine. Right now she's having a horrible time but I'm going to make sure she's fine"
"How the fuck did this happen? Why did you give her these pills. This is your fault" ranted Sara.
"Yeah maybe it is…. But…. She didn't take the medication as prescribed. She somehow found a lot more of it than she was supposed to have. Eventually it wasn't about pain at all… she used it to control her anxiety" said Kate.
Sara's shoulders fell and she stared at the floor dejected.
"How did I miss this…. I should have picked up on this… I should have had her back" said Sara with her hand in her hair.
"Sara… Even I only picked up on it a day or two ago. It's not your fault" said Kate hugging Sara.
Sara stood in Kate's arms for a few seconds before forcefully pushing her away.
"Fuck this…. Why didn't you tell me!" yelled Sara and slapped Kate's chest.
"She didn't want me to…. She begged me not to tell you, Lindsey and Sonia. She didn't want to put you guys through more emotional turmoil" said Kate.
"Well you should have anyway" cried Sara.
"Sara… I really wanted to but I couldn't… She's my patient… I'm bound by Doctor Patient confidentiality" said Kate.
"Fuck confidentiality" said Sara walking away from Kate.
"I'm sorry Sara" said Kate.
"You should have called me… I need to be here for her…. We should call Lindsey" said Sara.
"No… don't call Lindsey. We'll talk about this later…. I need to go check on Tegan" said Kate.
Sara stared at her wordlessly for a minute.
"Well Go! What are you waiting for…. Doctor Morgan" said Sara looking bitter.
Kate pursed her lips and walked back in the house.
Sara pulled her phone out.
"Lindsey… Ask mom to look after the kids and get to Erin's pool house… Tell us the girls are here and they really want us to come over... Yeah I know you don't feel like going out tonight just… trust me please… No… everything's okay… just…. I think you should be here" said Sara.
-0-
After calming herself down a bit outside Sara walked back into the room. Kate was busy checking Tegan's vitals while Erin was rubbing Tegan's back wiping the sweat from her face.
Sara stopped next to the bed and put her fist in front of her mouth. Tears started flowing over her cheeks as she watched her sister struggle, shaking and fighting for breath.
Kate put her stethoscope around her neck and got up. "You can sit with her" she said softly.
"She looks horrible… can you please give her something to help her" asked Sara wiping her cheek.
"I can give her something to help with the detox symptoms… she doesn't want it" said Kate.
Sara sat down next to Tegan.
"I'm here Tegan… you're gonna be okay" said Sara.
Tegan didn't reply, she just took Sara's hand and held it tight with her eyes closed.
Kate leaned over and took Tegan's pulse again. She pulled up her eyebrows and crouched down next to the bed.
"Tegan… deep breaths buddy…. Deep breaths" said Kate softly, pushing Tegan's sweaty bangs out of her face.
"Go home Sara…. And please…. Don't call Lindsey and Mom" whispered Tegan.
"I'm not going anywhere… we're going to get you through this" said Sara.
"I don't want you going through this" said Tegan.
"I don't care what you want right now…. Just shut up, relax and take deep breaths" said Sara.
"Oh god here it comes again" said Tegan and leaned over for the bucket. After a round of heaves Tegan tried to get up.
"Just try and relax Tee" said Kate trying to push her back.
"No I need the… I need the toilet… now!" said Tegan.
Sara and Kate helped Tegan up.
"Ugh my stomach is on fire" moaned Tegan stumbling to the toilet. Kate, Erin and Sara followed Tegan into the en-suite bathroom.
"Um… some privacy please" said Tegan ready to pull down her pants.
"Oh…. Sorry, shout if you need anything" said Kate.
-o-
Kate stood with her arms crossed staring at the bathroom door. She heard Tegan groan.
"You okay in there Tee?" she asked with her hand on the door.
"Yeah… I'm fine" Tegan called out.
Sara shook her head.
"How is she? Emotionally?" asked Sara.
"She's okay… had a long session with Violet yesterday. Emotionally she's ready for this. Violet gave her some anti-anxiety medication. She'll be okay with that Sara" said Kate.
"Should I cancel the promo… the tour?" asked Sara.
"No… I don't think so" said Kate.
"You don't THINK so?" said Sara looking annoyed.
"Sara… give me a break… I expect her to be absolutely fine but give me 'till morning please" said Kate.
After spending quite some time on the toilet Tegan got up, flushed and washed her hands. She leaned over the basin and splashed some cold water in her face. The world was spinning again and Tegan could feel her airways start to close up. She leaned against the wall. "Kate… Katy" she called softly.
Tegan could hear Kate and Sara's fighting continue outside the door. "Erin… Sara" Tegan breathed and stumbled towards the door.
-o-
"It's very quiet in there" said Erin.
"I don't care Kate… what the hell were you thinking. What I still don't understand is…" said Sara not listening to Erin.
"Tegan!" said Erin and knocked on the door. There was no answer. "Tegan!" Erin yelled, now banging on the door.
"Sara hang on" said Kate as Erin yelled again. "Tee! I'm coming in"
Erin pushed the door open but something heavy on prevented it from opening.
"Fuck! She's out, she's blocking the door" she yelled and pushed harder.
"Tegan!" yelled Sara as Kate and Erin finally got the door open.
Kate fell down on her knees next to Tegan and put her fingers in her neck in search of a pulse and listened for her breathing.
"Tegan… wake up… wake up for me buddy" said Kate rubbing her knuckles over Tegan's sternum.
Tegan groaned and opened her eyes half way.
"There's a good pulse… she's struggling to breathe…. Get me the ambu bag and her inhaler and I'm going to need my bag" Kate shouted to Erin.
"Tegan… breathe…. You've gotta breathe for me buddy…. Breathe" said Kate slapping Tegan's cheek lightly.
The next minute Lindsey ran into the room.
"Tegan! Oh my God… baby…. Tegan! What's going on…. Tegan… Is she okay" Lindsey yelled and fell down next to Tegan.
"She's okay Linds…. She's okay just step outside for a minute so I can help her" said Kate.
"I'm staying" said Lindsey in tears.
"Erin please…. Take her into the bedroom" said Kate.
"What's going on… what's wrong with her" cried Lindsey.
"Kate will speak to you Linds" said Erin.
"No… what's going on" yelled Lindsey.
"Sit down Linds" said Erin.
-o-
Two minutes later Tegan coughed and pushed the mask Kate used to force air into her lungs away. She was still wheezing a bit.
"Alright… you're okay. Oxygen please" Kate said to Sara.
"It's okay Tee" said Sara holding Tegan's hand.
"Tegan?! Is she okay?" Lindsey yelled from the bedroom.
"What's she… doing here… I asked you… I begged you… not to call them" wheezed Tegan looking at Kate.
"She didn't call us… We figured it out okay" said Sara.
"Fuck" mumbled Tegan and put her shaking arm over her eyes.
"We're going to help you up now… you okay?' said Kate.
Tegan nodded weakly and sat up with her head between her knees.
"Give me a minute" mumbled Tegan. A few seconds later she lay back down on the tiles.
"Ugh… I feel like shit" she said softly.
"I know… It's okay…. You're alright" said Sara.
"You'll feel better once you're off these cold, hard tiles and into bed" said Kate helping Tegan sit up.
"I'm sorry Sara…. I'm so sorry" said Tegan.
"We'll talk about this later… let's just get you to bed" said Sara.
-o-
Lindsey stood on the patio staring into the darkness trying to comprehend what Erin just told her. It felt as if her world was suddenly pulled out from under her. She was angry. Angrier than she can ever remember being but she was worried and sad and it felt as if somebody was ripping her heart out of her chest. She shook her head as she bit her bottom lip and walked into the house.
Lindsey stood in the doorway of the bedroom and watched as Kate and Erin made Tegan comfortable in bed. Tegan opened her eyes and looked straight at Lindsey. She closed them again quickly in a desperate attempt to keep her tears inside.
"Boo… It's okay, I'm here" Tegan heard Lindsey whisper softly into her ear.
Tegan breathed in Lindsey's familiar scent and it calmed her a bit.
"I'm sorry" Tegan whispered and opened her eyes.
"Shhhhhh…. Rest" whispered Lindsey.
"You're not mad?" said Tegan.
"Oh I'm mad… but I'm not going to talk about this now…. You get better first" said Lindsey.
"I'm so so sorry… I didn't mean to" said Tegan and started crying into the pillow.
"Shhhh…. It's okay, calm down" said Lindsey tenderly into Tegan's neck.
Tegan was starting to shake again. Her breathing was shallow and rapid.
"The kids" she whispered.
"They're okay…. They're with your mom" said Lindsey.
"Don't tell mom…. Please…. Don't tell mom" Tegan mumbled.
"I won't… you will" said Lindsey.
Tegan just nodded with her eyes closed. She lay in Lindsey's arms for a few minutes.
"Oh God here it comes again" she slurred.
Kate automatically handed her the bucket. After another round of violent dry heaving Tegan fell back against the pillows.
"I'm dying" she mumbled again. Lindsey carefully wiped her mouth for her.
"Kate… can I have a word" said Sara standing with her arms folded.
Kate got up and rubbed Tegan's shoulder. "I'm right over here if you need me Tegan" said Kate.
"Uh huh" grunted Tegan still shaking.
Kate walked up to Sara.
"I'm calling 911" said Sara.
"No you're not" said Kate guiding Sara out of the room by the elbow.
"Look at her! She needs to be in a hospital" said Sara.
"They're not going to do anything for her in the ER that I can't do here" said Kate.
"I don't know… she looks horrible" said Sara.
"I need to give her the medication to help with the withdrawal symptoms. We need to make her okay with that. She's making this so hard on herself while I can help her feel at least a bit better" said Kate.
"She's punishing herself" said Sara staring into the distance.
"Talk to her please" said Kate with her hands together pleadingly.
"If you're not sending her to the hospital I want her on a heart monitor" said Sara.
"She doesn't need a heart monitor" said Kate.
"I want the heart monitor" said Sara loudly.
"Sar" said Kate.
"Okay, I'm calling 911" said Sara pulling her phone out.
"Okay…. Alright…. I'll put her on the fucking heart monitor" said Kate throwing her hands in the air.
"It's probably going to upset her more than anything else but fine… whatever you want Sara" said Kate walking back into the room.
"Don't make me into the bad guy now Kate" said Sara.
"This is why she didn't want you involved" said Kate turning around.
"Well fucking sue me for caring about my twin" said Sara annoyed.
"I can't do this right now" said Kate shaking her head and walking back into the room.
-o-
"I'm here baby… It's going to be okay" said Lindsey rubbing Tegan's back.
"I'm sorry" said Tegan yet again.
"Stop saying you're sorry… I know you're sorry" said Lindsey.
"I told you I'm a fuckup" said Tegan and started crying again.
"It's okay Boo… calm down now" said Lindsey holding Tegan's shaking body in her arms.
"Hey Tee… how are you feeling?" asked Kate coming back into the room.
"Like shit" said Tegan.
Kate put her stethoscope on Tegan's chest again.
"Alright… you're doing okay you're just running a bit fast right now" said Kate and put the BP cuff around Tegan's arm.
Kate wordlessly looked at the BP meter and pulled the heart monitor in the corner closer. She started attaching the leads to Tegan's chest.
"No… what are you doing?" asked Tegan.
"It's okay… I'm just going to put you on a monitor so we can keep an eye on your heart bud" said Kate.
"I'm okay" mumbled Tegan.
"Tegan…. Please let Kate give you the meds to help you feel better" said Sara.
"Okay" sighed Tegan without a fight.
Kate looked at Sara surprised. Sara shrugged.
Kate didn't waste any time and swiftly injected the meds into Tegan's IV. Tegan was still pale, sweaty, shaking and groaning.
"That's it… you're going to feel better soon" said Kate and switched the heart monitor on.
Fast beeps filled the air and Kate studied the screen for a minute.
"It's very fast" said Sara softly to Kate.
"I can see that… give it a few minutes" said Kate securing the oxygen line.
"I'm so cold" said Tegan.
"I'll get you another blanket" said Erin.
Everybody in the room were quiet, staring at Tegan.
Tegan seemed to slowly be calming down, she seemed more comfortable. Her breathing slowed down.
"That's it sweetie…. It's okay" said Lindsey holding Tegan.
"Ahhh that's better…. So much better" sighed Tegan.
"Thank god" sighed Sara and turned around.
Kate checked Tegan's vitals again.
"Your vitals are looking good Tee. How are you feeling? Has your stomach settled down? How's the nausea?" asked Kate.
"Better…. Just so… tired" slurred Tegan.
"That's great. Just relax now, try and get some rest" said Kate squeezing Tegan's hand.
"I'll try" breathed Tegan.
"Okay… I'm right here if you need me" said Kate.
"Too noisy… this fucking beeping" said Tegan with her eyes closed.
"Alright, I'm going to turn the sound down" smiled Kate.
Lindsey ran her fingers up and down Tegan's arms.
"I love you" mumbled Tegan.
"I love you too sweetie… sleep now. I'm right here with you, I'm not going anywhere" said Lindsey.
"Thank you Boo… Sara…." said Tegan weakly.
"I'm right here" said Sara.
"I'm sorry… I'll be okay" said Tegan groggily.
Sara just turned around and walked out of the room.
Tegan seemed to finally be drifting off.
"Linds… We'll be right outside if you need anything" whispered Kate after replacing Tegan's IV bag.
"Thank you… is she okay?" asked Lindsey.
"Yeah… her vitals are looking fine" said Kate and walked out of the room with Erin.
-o-
"Excuse us" said Sara and pulled Kate towards the patio door when she entered the living room.
"Sure… I'll make us some coffee. Could be a long night" said Erin.
"What's this" said Sara when she saw the pizza box on the patio table.
"You were having pizza while my sister was going through detox?" yelled Sara.
"Before she... dammit Sara... Just a bit or normality to calm her down before the shit hit the fan okay. I'm trying to help her" said Kate.
"She needs a hospital" said Sara.
"Sara I know what I'm doing" yelled Kate.
"Sure you do... how many of these have you dealt with before" yelled Sara.
Kate looked down. "My own for one" she said softly.
"Your... hang on what do you mean your own?" said Sara.
"You heard me" said Kate.
"What... when?" said Sara softly.
"A long time ago okay" said Kate.
"Talk to me baby" said Sara suddenly calmer.
"My first year as a resident. I had a pretty heavy opiate addiction. It started off as just one or two to get me through those rough all nighters in the ER. It... it helped... or rather I thought it helped me deal with... all that tragedy... the pain and suffering... the lack of sleep... all that blood" said Kate becoming emotional.
Sara sighed and touched Kate's cheek. "I'm sorry Kate" she said.
"Anyway... If it wasn't for a good friend that got me through it... I don't know. He sat with me when I thought I was dying... when I thought I'd never get through it. But I did get through... it sucked but I was fine" said Kate.
"Why is this hitting her so hard though... She couldn't have been on it that long" said Sara.
"Well... I suspect she started using after Jeremy's death. Maybe just one or two to get through the day. Then she had that ankle injury and it all just spiraled out of control. She got her hands on more than she was supposed to have... I don't know how... probably illegally. She asked me for more... She asked Callie for more. Eventually I put two and two together. It takes one to know one... And I'm sorry... I should have picked up on this earlier. This is my fault... blame me all you like" said Kate.
"I don't blame you Kate" said Sara.
Kate sighed and looked away.
"Was yours this bad? Your detox I mean" asked Sara.
"Yeah... but I was using way longer. Tegan's got a very shaky medical history. She's got a chronic lung condition. That's probably why it's hitting her hard" said Kate.
"Tell me she's going to get through this... that she's going to be okay" said Sara close to tears.
"She is... she's going to be fine. She'll feel as if she's been hit by a bus tomorrow but she'll be okay. We'll be there to catch her. We need to keep her okay emotionally because that's where her cravings will come from. We would have dealt with the physical withdrawal" said Kate.
"I need to postpone some things" said Sara.
"Don't... she needs to stay busy. She's got the right anxiety meds now. She'll be okay... I'm going to make sure of that" said Kate.
"But... look at her... she's a wreck" said Sara.
"She'll rest tomorrow... the day after that we're traveling to New York. She's got time before the next big thing" said Kate.
"Okay... I trust you Kate... don't make me regret it" said Sara and hugged Kate.
A/N: Poor Tegan. Let's hope she gets through this in one piece. Sorry for the slow update. I've had some medical... issues to deal with during the last week. I'll try my best to update again soon! Review please!