My Untold Tale (Trigger Warning: Suicide)

I don't know how others think of it, but I often thought that siblings were not meant to be separated. We were born in one litter and we're meant to stay in that one litter. One group of individuals and also one being, each one of us representing a different part of that being.

Well, Sorreltail was the sociable one, the sunshine. Everyone doted on her when we were younger, and so did we. Sootfur was the stoic one, the solid ground that Sorreltail and I could stand on if we felt unstable. And I was the emotion. I was the one whose mood flared up life flame and dipped down like the moon.

That was what ended me.

MY UNTOLD TALE

I never knew my father. I didn't get the chance to until I died. But I heard tales of him – the mighty Whitestorm, nephew of the late leader Bluestar, the best mentor anyone could ask for, a prominent voice and presence in ThunderClan when he was alive, and Firestar's first deputy.

I think because I didn't know him that much, the force of his passing traveled over me quickly. Mom – Willowpelt – she was shaken deeply. I never knew if she knew, but I heard her sobbing quietly into her paws when she thought we were asleep. And even if her cries were muffled, her uneven tremors told me that she was upset.

But she cheered for us the loudest when we became apprentices, love blazing in her eyes as she sang our names with the rest of the clan. But I remember seeing the momentary flash of regret in her sharp blue eyes as the three of us – Sorrelpaw, Sootpaw, and Rainpaw – came to her. That flash spoke of how Whitestorm would have been so proud of us if he were here. That he would have cheered the loudest, drowning out the rest of the crowd with his rumbling purrs.

Willowpelt had always been there for us. She had it hard, taking care of three kits on her own. There was the support of other queens in the den, like Goldenflower, but still. It must have been trying for her patience when we bickered over the smallest things, like what prey was the best. (Sorrelkit liked squirrel. I liked birds. Sootkit liked mice.)

It had barely been a couple moons into our apprenticeship when Willowpelt was killed by a hulking, black and white badger. Sootpaw was there to witness it all. I still remember the way he shook on his paws, collapsing beside our mother's gray, cold body. Sorrelpaw's cry of disbelief, I recall, echoed through my bones.

I didn't know what I was feeling. I had something… like molten lava, cold ice, and rainfall all mashed into one rumbling inside my chest. The lava came spilling out of my mouth at Firestar – "How did this happen?"

My heart just broke open at the lifeless sky-like gaze of Willowpelt. She had been so alive a while ago… Her eyes had always been bright, and now that was all gone. She'd never look at me with her bright-eyed gaze again.

Not while I was alive. A moon after Willowpelt's death, I chose to follow her.

That was the first time I tried climbing a tree. With a specific purpose, I climbed higher, higher, higher – I saw the stars in the sky when I reached the top. There was one blinding celestial light that caught my eye – maybe that was Willowpelt? I could reach her from here.

I was about to leap when a voice stopped me.

"Rainpaw!" I looked down. At first, I thought it was just my imagination, but peering down closer, I saw Sootpaw's gray pelt, distinctly outlined in the dark by the starlight. His amber eyes were urgent. "Rainpaw," he called again. "Come down, let's go back to camp."

I shook my head, flicking my tail towards the sky.

Sootpaw shook his head as well. "No, Rainpaw. She's not with us anymore. But we'll dream of her tonight, yeah? We'll see her in our memory."

I glared down at him. "It's not the same," I hissed, my fur bushing up. "We'll never see her in our lives again."

Sootpaw's amber eyes were bright in comparison to his dark pelt. They pierced through me, telling me not to follow our mother. "But we'll honor her memory," he meowed. "And Whitestorm's, too. That's what she'd want, right? To keep moving on and to remember her as the great mother she was."

I think I came down eventually, begrudgingly. I missed Willowpelt, yes, but there was also my siblings. Sorrelpaw and Sootpaw. I vowed, right then and there, that I would go living on for them.

MY UNTOLD TALE

Sorrelpaw, Sootpaw and I cared for each other deeply at first. But Sorrelpaw, that sociable dork she was – and is – she didn't love just us, she cared for others in the clan, too. It was easy to see her settle into clan as the spirit of it, making friends wherever she was.

Sootpaw and I were less inclined to be social as she was. We had each other, and that was enough for us. It was for the remainder of or apprenticeship and our warriorhood. Sorrelpaw got held behind due to a broken leg – we visited her often, kept her spirits up. (She didn't need that, truthfully. Sorrelpaw had always been bright, bright enough to outshine both of her brothers – us.)

A while later, I found that I saw the same brightness of Willowpelt in Sootfur's eyes. It wasn't like Sorreltail's. Sorreltail's brightness came from her energy, her natural ability to be talkative and be friendly. It was like the sun. Sootfur's was more like a warm fire in the middle of winter. And its core was love and familial pride.

But that spark was stomped out, too.

By a badger, no less.

Moons passed, Sootfur and Cinderpelt were buried. But I couldn't get the sight of my brother's broken body out of my head. I saw Willowpelt, too – both of their eyes dull, gone was the flame that had warmed me.

I snuck out of camp one night. And climbed the tallest tree I could find.

Up, up, up I went, the stars appearing as if they were spinning above me.

I clung to the highest branch and sat straight up.

Two stars blinded me this time.

Sootfur and Willowpelt?

I reached out a paw to touch them…

A crack resembling thunder rang through my ears. And then I plummeted.

Like a fallen star.

Like a tree, having lost its solid ground to stand on.

I've fallen, and the stars…

They're blurry.

Are they coming closer?

Will Sorreltail miss me?

Will my clanmates remember me?

Will they welcome me up above…?