Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I am merely having fun with her characters.

Author's Note: HUGE shout out & thank you to my beta dolphin62598 for getting these chapters back to me so quickly! And another big thanks to my pre-reader teacher1209 for reading over these and giving me her thoughts! Song inspirations for this chapter are Every Breath You Take by The Police and 9 Crimes by Damien Rice.

Chapter 4

EPOV

Every Breath You Take

Soft kisses were caressing my body and it was one of those dreams where you knew you were dreaming but I was enjoying it anyway. I looked down at the face kissing my chest and deep chestnut brown eyes met mine.

Bella

This dream definitely needed to continue.

"Edward, it's time to get up. You've been ignoring the alarm for the last ten minutes and it's driving me nuts now get moving!"

That was definitely not Bella's voice.

Tanya

I turned over and hit the alarm clock to make the noise stop. "Good morning, dear," I said to my wife sarcastically. Things had not been going the way I wanted over the last few weeks. They were getting worse not better.

She grunted beside me and said a cranky good morning.

I got out of bed to go about my morning routine of getting ready to head to the hospital. About nine weeks had passed since the night I went to Bella's apartment and she made me leave.

I missed her like crazy and I knew that was part of the reason my marriage was going south quickly. Tanya was not nor would she ever be my Bella. But I chose Tanya and I needed to accept that and move on. Unfortunately, my heart was having a very difficult time doing that.

As I stepped into the shower, I tried to list the pros and cons in my head of staying with my wife and forgetting about Bella. There were more cons to Tanya than pros. I felt more disconnected from her than ever. At one time, she had truly been everything I thought I wanted in a soul mate.

That was until Bella Swan came into my life. It was if she had been that piece, I had always been missing and I was a fucking idiot to let that go for Tanya. I knew that now. But I could not play ping pong with Bella's heart. Nine weeks later, I was sure she had moved on from me.

I had heard all about her blooming relationship with Paul Uley. One thing about the nurses at Forks General, they loved their gossip. Paul and Bella seemed to be all they could talk about these days.

Once I got out of the shower, I saw my phone blinking from the bathroom counter. My heart skipped a beat because a part of me already knew who the message was from.

Bella had been trying to get a hold of me for the last week and I was avoiding her calls and texts like the plague. It was also difficult to try to hide them from Tanya.

I picked up my phone and checked the text messages.

Please text me or call me back. It's very important, Edward!

Yep, Bella again. Maybe she wanted me back…no I could not do that to her. If that was what she wanted, I had to do the honorable thing and let her go. Besides, Bella was always too good for me and she wanted kids, a family. I never wanted any of that. I loved to work and be at the hospital as much as possible. And when I was not at the hospital, I did not want to be tied down by a baby or child.

Nope, I was definitely not cut out to be Bella's husband and that was what she needed.

Avoiding her at work had been a challenge. I always made sure there were a lot of people around us and if she said she needed to speak with me, I always came up with an excuse to leave and not speak with her privately.

I knew if I was alone with her, I would cave and beg her to take me back whether she wanted that or not. It was bad enough that every time we were in the same room together I felt like I was running out of air.

When I made my way through the bedroom to head to the kitchen for coffee, Tanya was still in bed where I had left her. I always left way before her. I did not feel the need to bother with a goodbye kiss or anything. Not like she would have appreciated the sentiment anyway.

Bella was always welcoming and accepting of any little romantic or cute gesture from me. That was one of the many things I still loved about her. She truly was an amazing woman and I hoped Paul realized just how lucky he was.

As I was pouring my coffee in my to-go cup, I heard Tanya's voice behind me.

"Why do you always take your phone into the bathroom with you? Actually, you never leave it anywhere. You always keep it on you."

"I'm a doctor, Tanya. I need to have my phone with me."

I heard her rustling in the refrigerator now. "I guess so, but it just seems suspicious to me. Are you still fucking around on me?"

I slammed my spoon down on the counter and turned to face her as she shut the refrigerator door with force.

"You know I am not. If I am not at the hospital, I am with you, playing the part of your perfect dutiful husband, just the way you like it! You always keep your phone on you as well, so I should ask you the same question! Are you still seeing someone else? I'll phrase it a little more eloquently than you did, darling."

"Fine, fine fine! I don't want to discuss this anymore! I am hosting a dinner tomorrow night with Dr. Stanton and her husband."

"Okay," I replied. I just wanted to get out the door to work.

"Okay? That's all you have to say? My career is just as important as yours and I expect you to be in attendance."

"How is a dinner party going to advance your career Tanya? And what would it matter if I am there or not? They are your colleagues not mine."

"Ugh! I hate it when you do this Edward! The world does not revolve around you and what you want. I have to attend every damn function where you expect me to be on your arm as your trophy wife. Not to mention, every family gathering where I am bored out of my mind knowing your mother is searing holes into my back because she hates me! You will do this for me and you will do it with a smile!"

She did not just go there and put down my mother!

"Now you want to bring up my mom? My mom has always been perfectly nice to you."

"Oh yes, Esme Cullen knows how to be perfectly nice! She tolerates me Edward and we both know it! She has never been warm to me! Do you remember that barbecue they had about five months ago where everyone from the hospital came?"

I nodded.

"She was nicer to that damn nurse who was always around, Betty or Becca or whatever the hell her name is! I am sure Esme knows her name! Esme probably knows her birthday, her sign, her favorite color, favorite food, fuck everything! She has never been that way with me! I am her daughter-in-law! She was wrapping her arm around that girl and laughing, treating her like she was one of her own!"

"Bella just has that personality, Tanya. She is friendly and outgoing and really sociable. You can come off as fake and people just have a hard time warming up to you. You're just two different people. You and my mom don't have anything in common. But you should not be holding that against her."

"Of course you know the nurse's name! Was she the one you slept with behind my back?" She yelled.

"No, she wasn't and I am done with this conversation. I will be in attendance for your fucking dinner party tomorrow."

I grabbed my coffee and made my way to the hospital. I was done arguing with this woman. It was always one argument after another. Time to get through another day of avoiding Bella.

Once I entered the elevator at the hospital, my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who happened to be Chief of Staff at Forks General, followed me inside.

"Edward, your mother has been trying to get a hold of you and you are ignoring her calls, son. You know if she is unhappy, I am unhappy. Please call her back."

I chuckled at the exasperated expression on my father's face. My mom was a force to be reckoned with when she did not get her way. Lord knew he had always had his hands full with her.

But they loved each other more than any couple I had ever seen. It was an amazing sight to see when they were in a room together.

"Okay Dad, I'll be sure to give her a call. I think she wants to do some get together at the house for dinner or something. Tanya and I have just been very busy."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "Is everything okay Edward? Are things better with Tanya?"

I shrugged not knowing how to answer. Things were not okay. My dad was the only person I had confided in about my affair and he had no idea that it was Bella. She was one of the most respected nurses at this hospital and my parents both adored her. I did not want to tarnish her reputation.

I had also confided in my dad about breaking off the affair and trying to make things work in my marriage. He never judged me, just listened and was supportive of whatever I wanted to do.

"You miss her don't you?" He asked. And we both knew he was not talking about Tanya.

"Yeah, I do, but it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters son, you should probably follow your heart. Your mother never thought you and Tanya were a good match and you know she is usually right about those kinds of things."

I laughed. He was right about my mom. She had a knack for playing matchmaker and knowing whether certain couples belonged together or not. Actually, one night when Tanya was attending a work function she didn't drag me to, they had invited Bella over for dinner when I was there. I almost got the impression my mother was trying to set us up even though she knew I was married.

"Well dad, it really doesn't matter. I'm sure she has moved on by now and we truly are not a good fit anyway."

He smiled at me kindly as he stepped out of the elevator, "Suit yourself Edward. By the way, Bella has been looking for you and you really might want to talk to her."

With that, he was gone. That was strange. Bella had approached him about needing to talk to me? Why would she do that?

What could she possibly need to speak to me about that was that important?

I headed into the on-call room to catch my breath for a few minutes before I headed down to the emergency room. I really needed to get a grip and fast. Too many thoughts were swirling through my mind. Bella, Tanya, everything my dad has just said. Nothing would leave me alone.

I sat down in one of the chairs and buried my head in my hands. What did I want to do about Tanya? Even though Bella was out of the equation, I knew I wasn't in love with my wife. Sure I cared about her, but I did not want to stay married to her. At least I did not think I did.

I did not even realize someone had entered the room until I heard the click of the door locking.

"Edward," she said softly.

I looked up and saw her. There she was standing there, as beautiful as ever. My Bella.

There was nowhere to go, this conversation was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. Maybe we both could get some closure and be able to move on from each other.

It took me a moment to speak because as always I was stunned by her beauty. She had put on a little weight and it looked amazing on her. Apparently being with Paul really agreed with her.

"Bella," I replied.

"Why are you avoiding me Edward? Have I really meant so little to you that you won't even speak to me now?"

"Bells, I was just trying to make things easier for you."

She laughed sarcastically, "You're a liar. You were trying to make things easier for you! Don't sit there and act like you were doing some noble deed!"

I almost had to laugh because she was always amazing at calling me out on my bullshit.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't want to face you and I didn't want talking to you to affect my marriage."

She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Of course, always Tanya."

"She is my wife, Bella."

Why the hell did I say that? The look on her face was if I had slapped her.

"I didn't come in here to discuss her with you," she said.

"Then what do you want to talk about?"

"I'm leaving Forks," she blurted.

That brought me to my feet. I started pacing the small on-call room while running my hands through my hair. Both were nervous habits of mine when I was at a loss for what to do or say.

She continued as my silence continued, "I put in my resignation yesterday. I'm leaving in two weeks. It will give them time to replace me and time for your dad to put in a good word at the new hospital I am trying to transfer to."

My first instinct was to fall to my knees and beg her to stay. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and plead with her to not leave me.

She had a look of resolve on her face. She had not moved from her position of standing there with arms crossed over her chest.

"Why?"

That was the best I could come up with? Nice! I was a complete idiot!

"I just need a new start Edward. I can't stay here. I don't want to hear nurses talk about your getaways or nights away with your wife and when you two start a family, I damn sure don't want to hear the nurses start talking about that. Or having to see her bring your child up here to see you. The thought of you having a baby with her breaks me! This is what's best for me. I went to your dad first. I wanted to make sure it wouldn't put him and the hospital in a bind…"

"You're being silly! You know I don't want kids! There is no way Tanya and I will ever be starting a family. She tried to talk me into it and I don't want it. As far as the hospital, of course it's going to put us in a bind! You're one of the best nurses this hospital has ever had and you know it! Everyone loves you here! You shouldn't go anywhere! Have you really thought this through?"

She relaxed a little as I stood right in front of her having finally stopped pacing. She dropped her arms from her chest and placed her hand gently on my cheek.

"Edward, you know this is what's best for both of us. The hospital will be fine. You will be fine."

She was right. This would be good for both of us. An easy out. But would I really be okay with not seeing her every day?

I nodded into her hand and turned my head to kiss her palm. I closed my eyes and made sure the kiss lingered. The smell of her skin was always intoxicating to me, like a drug.

She had not pulled her hand away yet so I opened my eyes long enough to see her standing there with her eyes closed as well. In that moment, I knew she had missed me as much as I had her…Paul or no Paul. Bella still loved me…and I still loved her.

Being away from her felt so wrong. Why were we not together? We were right…we would always be right.

Just as I was about to start begging she came closer to me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could get them and pulled her body into mine and deepened the kiss with every ounce of passion I had inside of me.

As our tongues met, she pulled away from me quickly.

"I've got to go, Edward. I have a lot to take care of before I leave Forks."

"Wait!" I called out to her. She stopped in front of the door with her back to me, her hand on the door knob.

"What?" She whispered.

"Where are you going?"

"Ask your dad after I leave if you still want to know."

"Please tell me Bella," I begged.

She turned from the door and headed towards me once more. She wrapped her delicate arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"No, Edward. It's better this way. Please take care of yourself. I wish you nothing but the best."

With that, she turned from me and headed out of the on-call room. She had just successfully taken my heart with her.

One thing was certain; there would never be another like Bella Swan in my life. I knew this for a fact because I would never love another. I would not allow it.

I would never feel this empty feeling in my heart ever again because I had successfully built a wall around it the moment she walked out that door and out of my life for good.

Author's Note: *still peeking behind my hands covering my eyes* don't hate me because Bella didn't tell him yet about the pregnancy. Stick with me…we hear from Bella next chapter and you will see why and what's been happening with her. I warned you it's going to get bumpy…my stories almost always do lol. But I hope you stick with it and enjoy!

Story Recommendation: What About Now by BitterHarpy. Go check it out! I started it last night & it is awesome! I plan on reading all of her stuff!