What I Promised
Cloudpelt was not dying, and he was sure of it.
This was like what he'd felt last time. Last time, he'd been Cloudpaw and Raggedpelt had been his mentor, and Yellowfang was a medicine cat apprentice. And he'd wanted to live. He'd wanted to become the best warrior in the clans, for his sister Littlekit and all three of his parental figures, Nettlespot, Toadskip, and Poolcloud. He'd wanted to know what it was like to fall in love, have a family of his own. He'd wanted to get his warrior name. This time, he was Cloudpelt, Raggedstar was now his leader and Cloudpelt was his deputy. Now he wanted to live, be the best deputy that he could be - for Foxheart, who had barely been able to settle into her role as deputy before she'd had her throat torn open by rats, for Wolfstep, who was nursing a little family of his own with Fernshade, for Nettlespot, Toadskip, and Poolcloud, and for Littlekit, always.
"I'm not going to die," he told Yellowfang. The wound in his throat made his voice sound more raggedy than usual. "I'm going to survive this."
His gray-furred friend looked at him with yellow eyes and nodded her head. He fell asleep, lulled by the tangy scents of the medicine den herbs. He awoke after what felt like a moment to Wolfstep prodding his side.
"You're not going to leave us," his half-brother told him. "You said you were going to ask Raggedstar if you could mentor one of mine and Fernshade's kits. I'm counting on that."
Cloudpelt gave him a nod and a rusty purr. "Of course I'm not going to leave," he rasped. "I'm young enough to get through this fine. And I'm going to be teaching your kits some manners."
Wolfstep curled his lip in a relieved smile. "Rude."
He fell asleep again and was stirred to wakefulness again by Nettlespot and Toadskip and Poolcloud. He heard whispered murmurs of He'll be fine, won't he? from Poolcloud; Of course he will, from Toadskip. Most of all he felt Nettlespot's muzzle against his fur, her quiet whisper of Don't leave me.
I won't, he promised. And then he slipped into unconsciousness again.
It wasn't a cat that woke him up next time. It was the breeze. He frowned. That was strange. It was barely leaf bare, and yet the wind felt… too cold. Too strong, too. Had a draft come into the medicine den? But Yellowfang and Runningnose regularly patched up the lichen hanging over the den so that the wind wouldn't come in as much as it could.
He opened his eyes and his mouth for an inquiry - and the question got stuck in his throat. He was no longer in the medicine den, but in the middle of ShadowClan territory. The pine trees shot up high above his head; the wind was whistling through his fur. Sparkling mist covered the ground in a sheen of grayish blue.
"Hello?" Cloudpelt called. His heart thudded in his chest. Was this some joke? A dream?
"Cloudpelt!" A high voice cried, and the white tom turned to face a ginger feline bounding towards him. Foxheart.
"Foxheart?" he mewed, getting to his paws. "Foxheart, what - is this StarClan?"
She said in answer: "This was StarClan's will - if I'd been able to change their minds, I would have, but-"
"No, Foxheart - is this… a message? Am I getting a message from StarClan?"
"No," she hissed, her fur bristling, "it's not. Look down at your paws, mouse-brain, and tell me what you see."
Cloudpelt did as commanded. He froze. Stars were swirling out under his paws, and as he followed their pathway, some of them landed on his pelt, while more of them floated up to the skies. He looked back at Foxheart, her starry pelt matching his.
"I'm..." he started, then shook his head. "I can't be dead!"
"It was StarClan's will," Foxheart repeated. "I hate that this happened to you, too, but-"
"What do you mean," he demanded, "this happened to me too?"
"StarClan has a pathway set out for every cat," Foxheart explained. "How they live, what they do, what events are caused by them, and how they die. All cats follow those paths, no matter what they do. Mine was destined to end with the rats. Yours... was destined to end here."
"But…! But that's not right!" Cloudpelt protested. "I had so much that I wanted to do! There was so much that I swore that I'd do!" His mind went back to the few moments of awareness in the medicine den. "I promised Wolfstep that I'd train one of his kits! I told Yellowfang I was going to get well again! I promised…" His voice broke. "I promised Nettlespot that I wouldn't leave her."
Foxheart pressed her nose to Cloudpelt's shoulder in consolation. "No one can break the pathway StarClan has laid out for them," she meowed. "Not even the strongest cats. I'm sorry you had to leave. But it's the way things go around here. And you shouldn't argue with what StarClan says, no matter how much you want to change your fate."
Cloudpelt looked at his sister with narrowed eyes. "This is unfair," he growled. "I wanted to serve my clan for longer than this."
"And you don't think I didn't?" she snapped back at him. "I wanted to raise a family of my own and become Foxstar, you know!" Her shoulders abruptly drooped. The ginger tabby's amber eyes were dull as she said: "But there's nothing we can do."
Cloudpelt drew in a breath. "Can you… show me them one last time?" he asked. "Nettlespot… Yellowfang… Wolfstep… all of them."
Foxheart gave a dip of her head. The pair of them padded through the pine forests, through the clearing of grass, and to the pool in the middle of the StarClan grounds. Cloudpelt stopped at the edge of the water, gazing into the depths. All he saw was stars, clouds, and blues and purples mixed together.
"Touch your nose to the water, bee-brain," Foxheart commanded.
Cloudpelt complied, hissing in shock as his nose came in contact with the cold water. The water rippled once, twice, and then it shifted from an endless sky to the middle of ShadowClan camp.
There they were. Yellowfang, hunched over his limp form with dulled eyes. Wolfstep with Fernshade pressed up beside him, looking up as if he thought if he couldn't see Cloudpelt's corpse, it would go away. Toadskip and Poolcloud on either side of Nettlespot, comforting the white and ginger she-cat as she wailed into Cloudpelt's fur.
Cloudpelt watched as Toadskip's mouth moved but no sound came out. But he could make out the words: He's found his peace in StarClan now. He's with Littlekit. And Foxheart.
I… I asked him not to leave me…! He couldn't hear, but he saw the words form from Nettlespot's mouth as she sobbed.
I promised, he thought in despair, knowing that his mother couldn't hear him. I promised I wouldn't leave.