The Release

by ProjectRose

Exercising the demons the fun way.

The door swung closed behind him. The heavy thud was loud and it all but silenced the seemingly never ending murmur of the great hall.

Silence.

Cullen took several deep breaths but his whole body felt like one large, tightly wound knot, ready to spring apart at the slightest touch and sure to destroy the room around him. He was so terrible at gauging his own feelings that he never felt the stress creeping its way onto his back throughout the day. He never noticed the recruits recoiling at his bitter mood swings or the tension in his shoulders as he hunched over his desk worsening his already all too common headaches. He never noticed his thoughts fraying and his hands clenching around the hilt of his sword although there were no enemies in the safety of Skyhold's courtyard.

But she did. She said she had noticed back when they met at Haven, but she felt it was not her place to pry, let alone fix him. As they grew close and intimate, she had felt the need to sooth him, knowing his problems may be beyond fixing entirely. Apparently it was the Quinari who gave her the idea, but weather Iron Bull explicitly told her what he thought the commander needed or if an errant comment just inspired it, Cullen had not asked. He had preferred the latter, but assumed the former. But, Maker had it worked. It certainly didn't drive the demons away, but it pushed them back far enough that he felt he could breathe again and for a few days after he felt like he shared the skin of the same boy who existed before Uldred called his followers to turn on the circle.

Of course it wasn't always like this. He never craved it over their usual nights together. When they made love he was certainly never left unsatisfied, but he found this act to be an almost completely different beast. More like a ritual that exercised his demons, if only for a little while. If Evelyn ever noticed a recruit running laps around the battlements "until further notice" for the barest of infractions, or piles of paperwork strewn about the floor of his office, clearly the victims of a frustrated boot she would send him a note, simple and unassuming.

Meet me tonight.

Their relationship was no secret and they were well past the stage of writing notes to arrange trysts, but the message was something deeper. She had to be delicate when she first broached the subject with him and as they continued they knew there was no easy way to tell him he was wound so tightly he needed to have the control taken away from him for the evening, so they kept the communication simple. So today, when she heard him screaming at scout jim from across the courtyard and later found out it was simply over a missing quill, she had written him a simple note and handed it to him herself.

Meet me tonight.

Poor Jim. Cullen was sure he never even borrowed that quill. But Jim was on the other side of that heavy door, with the rest of his regrets and responsibilities. She had made it clear that on these nights he was no commander. She did not want him thinking about anything but her and what she wants. He couldn't do anything unless she said so, he couldn't even speak unless she told him to. Although she was no blood mage and could not control his thoughts, he felt himself unable to tear his attention away from her and it was amazing how quickly the stress of his position and responsibilities floated away. All he had to do was obey her.

And she didn't like it when he was late. He started up the stairs towards her chambers. Her presence was confirmed by the light from her fireplace that filled the stairwell and as he grew closer he could hear the crackling of the burning logs. With every step he felt himself becoming less and less of that man who had a pile of requisitions to get to Josephine tomorrow. Less of the man who had several lieutenants under him, each with several captains who each had a platoon of recruits. Less of the man who's head ached and who's body cried out for a substance he had been denying it. Less of the man who rarely dreamed a peaceful night's sleep. Less of the man who had been tortured and violated by demons as he was barely out of boyhood. It was the beginning of the ritual, to leave something behind on every step and to feel himself lighter and empty, ready to be what she wanted him to be. He rounded the top of the staircase and was greeted by a sight that made him just so incredibly and excitedly thankful.

She sat on the far side of her chambers on her desk, with her legs crossed lazily in front of her. Her hair was out from its usual intricately braided knots and it spilled down her shoulders, messy and long. She was wearing a silk bed robe loosely tied to give him a slight glimpse of the curve of her breast and short enough to leave her long and freckled legs bare. She was sipping from a goblet of blood coloured wine and from the flush of her cheeks and contented gaze he could tell it was not her first for the evening. She was lit beautifully by the light of the fire and Cullen wasn't really sure who he thanked, he was just thankful that she was there, looking like that right in front of him. This noble born, dark haired mage, several years his senior who had come into his life just as it looked like he had seen enough horror to truly break him for good.

"You're wearing too much." Was all she said in the way of a greeting. Her voice was low and sultry. His muscles twitched in reflex, but he stopped himself before he started removing his armour. She hadn't told him to take it off, yet. He could feel her approving gaze on him from across the room as she took a long sip of wine. The anticipation began to build inside of him as she broke eye contact and looked down into her drink, watching the contents as she lazily swirled the goblet from side to side.

"Take it off."

With a small sigh of relief for her permission, he undid the buckle of his left gauntlet. He was one of the few knights he had known who could take himself out of a full set of plate armour without help and the design he had chosen to wear as Commander of the Inquisition was nothing compared to the heavy silverite he wore as a Templar. He was down to his tunic before long, letting each heavy burden drop to the floor with a thud, where he happily forgot about them.

He noted the slightly drunken smile on her lips as he pulled his tunic over his head, her eyes devouring the one part of his body that he felt nervous about anyone seeing. The demons had done their worst back in Kinloch hold and his chest still bore the scars of claws and flame. They were not the handsome, battle worn scars he saw on Rylen or Bull, but a red, wrinkled mess that had robbed him of skin on the left half of his torso, feeling and all. He had not let anyone, let alone a woman see it until he met Evelyn and she had loved him anyway.

Now he felt confident to stand before her and after he pulled his boots off his hands went to the laces of his trousers.

"No." She said suddenly and he looked up to meet her eyes. "Keep them on. If you're good, I'll take them off for you later."

He nodded and smiled at the thought of her hands pulling at the laces so close to his cock. He was hard enough already, but he stood there and waited patiently for her to give him her next order. She leaned back and poured more wine into her glass. Then she held it in her hand and her eyes glanced wistfully towards the ceiling, as if she was deep in thought, absently swirling the dark liquid from side to side.

"I want you…" She started. "To get on your hands and knees and crawl to me."

He did as he was told. He crouched down to his knees and began to make his way slowly over to her like she wanted. The carpet felt so soft beneath his hands and he couldn't stop his fingers playing with the texture with every step he took. It would have been quite the scandal for those nobles still simpering around the great hall, to know the commander of the inquisitions forces was crawling half naked on his hands and knees at the behest of the inquisitor herself. He also didn't particularly care right now. She was watching him with the type of heavy lidded hunger in her eyes that told him he was doing a good job. This was pleasing her and that was all that mattered.

As he drew closer to her she extended her leg and pointed her foot in his direction.

"Kiss me." She said.

He obliged the second he was close enough, kissing the inner curve of her shapely foot and with an animalistic groan befitting a man currently on his hands and knees dragging his tongue up to her ankle and finishing with a small bight to her calf. He wondered if he had upset her by going outside of her explicit instructions and he looked up to her eyes with a look of shame on his face.

But she was smiling and heavy lidded and her leg curved over his shoulder and she drew him closer. She was spread open before him, the thin modesty of her night gown the only thing keeping him from knowing if she had opted to wear any smalls to this latest tryst. But the scent of her filled him still and sent the arousal pulsing through him like wildfire. His eyes briefly fell behind her to her desk and he saw an old copy of Varric's "Swords and Shields", marked with torn parchment in several places and he silently thanked the dwarf for whatever trash he wrote that his lover enjoyed so much.

"Cullen." She said as she cupped his face in her hand angled him to look up at her, her foot gently caressing his back. "What are you thinking about?"

He could speak when she asked him a question. "You, my love."

"And is there anything else outside this room?"

"No, my love." And there wasn't. He had left that behind, back there over near the staircase. It was on the floor with his armour, if it even existed at all. All that there was now was the weight of her leg thrown over his shoulder and the beautiful, promising smile on her face, the scent from between her legs and the hardness in his pants. He pushed his cheek into her hand as he realised this, the tenderness of her touch highlighted the tension in his shoulders and aching in his muscles and it was all so clear to him now how bad he had felt the last few days. Maker, how did he let it get like this?

"I want you to feel good, Cullen." She said. "But you resist it so much."

He nodded into her palm, the threat of tears stinging his eyes.

"Do you trust me?" She asked. She always asked.

"Yes, my love." As he always answered.

"You're a good boy, Cullen." She said as she caressed the stubble on his jaw. He was always struck with how that sentence made him feel, like something deep within him ached to hear her say that. It nearly made the tears return.

"If you make me come, I will let you have a sip of wine."

Her hand left his face to go behind her and brace herself on the desk. He closed his eyes and inhaled the beautiful scent of her arousal, letting it send another jolt of blood through his body. He kissed the inside of her thigh and brought his hand up to clear the robe out of his way. No, of course she had not worn any smalls and she was there before him, wet and ready.

He started on the inside of her thigh, gently leading small kisses and nibbles closer to her sex. He closed his eyes and let his tongue taste her skin, closer and closer until the sudden taste of sweet, tangy nectar filled his mouth and made his head spin. He kissed her thoroughly first, letting his mouth cover her before he brought his lips up to suck on that cute little pearl that brought her so much joy. She was leaning back on her desk, trying to stifle her cries but he was rewarded with a small moan or squeak when he hit just the right spot inside of her.

Her hands came to stroke through his blonde curls and he moaned at her touch, eliciting a moan of her own as he hummed into her.

"Cullen…" She gasped. "You're doing so good…"

He let his tongue wander, leaving her clit time to miss his attention as he applied a precise touch to her folds, darting his tongue inside of her, before pulling it out and leaving a trail of kisses all over the inside of her thighs.

"You're so good…"

He brought his hand up from the floor and caressed her hip, feeling the top of her rear before he brought his fingers back to slowly plunge into her wetness. First one finger, rocking it in and out along with the rhythmic movement of her hips. Then he turned his attention back to her lonely pearl and let another finger join the first as he used both his hand and his mouth to slowly coax her orgasm from her.

All the tell-tale signs were there. The rocking motion of her hips, the sudden, heaving of her chest as she fought to catch her breath and the light, whimpering moans that escaped her throat. Her fingers snaked through his hair, gently pulling at first, but gripping and tearing the harder he sucked on her and the faster he plunged his fingers into her.

And Maker did he love the feel of it. The sharp tugs turning to a dull ache across his scalp as she pulled, each time harder than the last. Just as he thought the pain was too much to bear, she would pull again, harder, and he knew he was stronger than the last time and he just wanted to take more pain, just to please her. He moaned into her as she pulled on his blonde curls and he felt her clench around his fingers.

She cried out his name as she came, the approving sound brought fresh tears to his eyes. He pleased her and nothing else mattered except pleasing her right now. He did something right. No grey areas, no second guessing, no downside.

He looked up at her as she straightened herself back up to a sitting position on her desk. His head rested on her trembling thigh as he gazed up at her hopefully.

Her hand came down to cup his face.

"Good boy, Cullen." She said. "You did very, very good."

With her other hand she reached for her glass of wine and held it towards him. As his lips touched the rim she gently poured into his mouth. Cullen closed his eyes and let the warm richness fill him. He wasn't usually one for alcohol, his decade old Lyrium addiction had ruined that for him, but on nights like this he loved feeling like he was losing control and handing it over to someone he trusted. The room swam just a little bit and he was warmed in the pit of his belly, a place that usually felt so cold and dead.

"What can I do for you now, my love?" He asked with a vague euphoria filling his body. He wanted to do more for her, whatever she wanted she could have from him.

"Kiss me." She said.

He rose from his knees, pulled her close to him with one naked arm and kissed her. He could taste the wine on her and it mixed perfectly with the taste of her that was already on his lips. She was still gasping slightly from the highs he had sent her to and the force of his kiss robbed her of more of her breath. For a few moments the game was over and they were just two lovers again, holding and comforting each other. Her façade broke and she melted into his arms, surrendering the control.

He held her as she regained her breath until she pulled back, ready to continue her role.

"You did well, Cullen," She said as she raised her arm between them, gently pushing him away. "But I think I might be able to better."

His head swam with excitement and he felt his cock twitch in his pants.

"Would you like to see?" She asked slyly.

"Yes." He breathed already delirious at the thought of it.

"What was that?" She asked.

"Yes, my love." He repeated, his voice a bit clearer.

"That's better. Now get back down on the floor."

His knees almost buckled beneath him at her command and he lowered himself back down to the floor. He watched in fascination as she entwined her fingers in the tie of her robe, playfully pulling the knot open, inch by inch.

"Can you behave yourself?" She asked. "Can you watch me without touching yourself?"

"Yes, my love."

Her hands stilled, denying him the view of her body that he was so needy for.

"I don't believe you." She said. With one movement she pulled the tie open and away from the robe which fell open, baring herself to him.

"Put your hands behind your back." She demanded.

He straightened his spine and pulled his arms behind him. Evelyn lowered herself from the desk and as she walked behind him, she ran her fingers through his hair, sending a delightful shiver down his spine. Behind him, she ran her fingers down his bicep as she crouched down behind him and bound his wrists with her robe tie.

The feel of his arms being trapped behind him felt both equal parts exciting and terrifying. There was a part of Cullen that was forever on guard, laying in wait for the enemies who may come roaring around the corner at any moment. His hand gripped his sword mindlessly throughout the day, finding comfort in its presence and his arms twitched in response if someone moved too suddenly. Having the power to defend himself taken away from him was not something he took lightly. It took a lot of trust to be wilfully rendered defenceless, but as he felt his lover's delicate fingers tying the knot around his wrists, he gladly sunk back and felt a strange sense of calm wash over him. It was like a small dose of lyrium, knowing that she was now the one in control. He could relax now. He was allowed to rest.

She strolled back into his view and let her robe fall down around her onto the ground. Her body was completely bare before him, as lovely and appealing as she always was. He had never seen another woman fully naked and he never wanted to. She had long, graceful legs that were lightly covered in the same freckles that covered her nose and they curved up into the shapeliest arse he could ever imagine. His fingers flexed in response to it, wanting to run his fingers over her supple flesh and pull her naked body close to his.

She turned to him, her red nipples peaking out from under her dark hair cascading over her shoulders. Her freckled arms curled around herself, hugging her body as she slowly walked backwards to rest against the desk. Her hands slowly slid down and came to rest on the inside of her thighs, inches away from the thin patch of hair between her legs sending a wave of excitement through him. His cock was already uncomfortably hard in his pants and he shifted on his knees to try and relieve the pressure.

"What are you thinking about, my love?" She asked in a silky, sultry voice. Her fingers played closer and closer to her core.

"You, my love." He said. "Only ever you."

He spoke the truth. His mind was swimming of all of the salacious memories he had of watching her pleasure herself. He had first asked her to show him so he could get to know her body better, but he wasn't prepared for how intensely erotic he would find it. On that night he watched with a heightened fascination as her hands caressed and rubbed her body, slowly coaxing out the pleasure until she collapsed into shallow gasps and soft cries of his name. The sound of it rang in his ears for days after, as sweet and clear as the chantry bells.

"Good boy, Cullen." She said and the words filled him with warmth. He nearly broke and thanked her. There was nothing in his life that brought him such comfort as the sound of her voice as she spoke. There was no sight more beautiful than her naked body standing before him in the light of the fire, her fingers slowly working between her legs. He could see her lips glistening from the pleasure he had given her and the taste sill lingered in his mouth. Her hips swung slowly, grinding herself down onto her hand, while her other hand slid up her body to tease her excited nipples.

He was transfixed, staring intently at her hands as she caressed her breasts and slowly circled her clit. Her eyes were closed, her head falling back slightly as she bit her lip. The sight of her was no distraction from the needy throb in his pants that begged for his attention. But he couldn't touch himself and give himself the same pleasure she was getting. She didn't allow it. He had to focus on her now and if he was good, she would take care of him. For now, he would be patient and watch her like she wanted.

He watched, not even wanting to blink. Her fingers worked harder and faster, finding all of the right spots at just the right time and the gentle heave of her chest told of the heights she was reaching. The soft cries in the back of her throat nearly triggered his own as he recalled all of the times he had heard that sound in his ear. But before she let herself go, she slowed down. Her breathing calmed and she opened her heavy-lidded eyes to see him kneeling before her. Slowly she sunk down to her knees, her skin still so flushed with need, until she was kneeling with him.

Wordlessly, she reached out and grabbed the hem of his trousers. Her fingers lightly brushed the outline of his cock as she gently pulled, nearly pulling him off balance. She pulled herself closer until her body was pressed against his own and he felt the light sheen of her sweat on his skin. Her fingers played between their bodies, gently pulling at the laces of his pants.

"You have been good, haven't you?" She whispered into his ear. The sound of her voice rang through him like a chant. He had been so patient tonight and he knew she would reward him soon. His body ached for it. His mind could think of nothing else.

He felt her, with one long pull, untie the laces that were keeping him from her. Her nimble fingers slowly, teasingly loosened his trousers until she could fit her hand in to firmly grab his cock, sending a welcome jolt of energy through him. He sighed in relief and need, desperate for her to give him the attention he craved.

Evelyn pulled herself back, her hand still firmly wrapped around him.

"What do we say?" She asked.

He felt almost unable to speak, but he managed to gasp out one word.

"Please."

"There we go…" She smiled as she bit her lip and slowly, steadily started to stroke him. A warmth flowed through him that was more soothing than any vial of lyrium. There was nothing outside of the feeling she gave him, absolutely nothing. When he opened his eyes, he could only see her and a heated look of love on her face that meant so much to him.

"Just relax…" She whispered. "Let me take care of you."

She let him go and pulled the hem of his trousers until he was completely and finally free. Her hand wrapped around his shaft again and she leant in to kiss him and he could only return the force of her affection. His mind was swimming as he tasted her on his lips and felt the wonderful, electric pressure on his cock. His hands twitched in their bindings and he had to fight the urge to break free, throw her to the ground and take what he needed. He was so close now. He was about to get his reward.

She turned from him and arched her back as she knelt down on all fours, pressing her arse into him. He groaned as he felt her wet pussy glide across his aching cock. The tension and the need were unbearable and he doubted he could manage to suffer it if it wasn't for the discipline taught to him as a warrior. He wanted to run his hands over her rear, grip her flesh and pull her back, burying himself as deep as he could go. But he stayed still, on his knees as she teased him, swinging her hips and pressing herself against him.

Then finally he saw her reach down between her legs and she guided him slowly and deliberately inside of her. His eyes fell closed and his mind went blank, perceiving nothing but the feel of her enclosing around him, slowly taking him inch by inch. She gripped him tighter and tighter as she took him until she had him completely inside of her. She stopped and let him stay resting inside of her. He felt as if he was in some alternate reality where he was no longer himself. Any trivial matter of his old life was gone and all he had no was the feeling of her love and the warmth of her body. He felt as if he could breath again, like he had never had air on his lungs before this moment. For once it felt like his head was above water.

He opened his eyes as she started to slowly pull away, feeling a small sorrow in the absence of her around him, but she quicky pushed herself back to take him in again. Over and over she pulled herself away only to take him in again, just a bit quicker than the last time. With his eyes opened again he could see her on display before him, her arched back with her long hair cascading down, her perfect rear and the place below where they were connected. It was all visible to him in one beautiful sight that made him thankful of every horror that led him to this moment in his life. Whatever it was, it had brought him here.

He could hear her soft cries and he knew she was getting close. He felt too close himself but he held back, keeping himself straight and sturdy for her to use. He wanted to hear her come apart again so he could ride that swell with her and reach that coveted moment of absolute peace that she could give him.

It wasn't long before he got his wish. He body was primed from before and soon she was pushing back onto his cock with an almost wild abandonment. He knew the signs. He had seen it often since their relationship began and as her cries reached that perfect pitch he wanted to hear and her hips bucked back wildly he felt her clench around him, triggering his own body to respond and he finally broke, letting out his own desperate cry as he spilled inside of her.

And just like that there was nothing. His entire being was consumed by the feeling of their mutual pleasure. There was nothing else, no traumatic past and no unknown future. There was just that moment and his reward to making her happy.

There was always the feeling of sorrow as he came back down, but after nights like tonight there was a welcome blankness that calmed him. The whispers in his ear were quiet and the shadows in the corner of his eyes were gone. The room looked different, like he was just noticing the colours for the first time. He looked down and saw her, sprawled on the carpet before him, still as beautiful as he could imagine any sight.

His only point of contention in this moment was his bound hands. He was not feeling vulnerable, but he dearly wished to be free so he could take her in his arms. But she lay gasping, slowly collecting herself so he stayed still and waited, talking solace in his new found moment of peace. He didn't have control right now. He didn't even really feel like he needed it. He was content to just be here in this moment with the love of his life.

Slowly and wordlessly she pushed herself back up so his chest was pressed against the heated skin of her back. His hands fidgeted against his bindings, growing more restless to touch her skin.

"Thank you." He breathed into her ear. She reached her arm behind her to run her fingers through his curly hair.

"Thank you…" He repeated, unable to form any other words.

She turned to him and took him in her arms. He rested his head on her shoulder, taking in the scent of her hair. They stayed there, wordlessly for a few blissful moments before she reached behind him to untie the bindings from his wrists.

Holding her again brought him more comfort than he could have ever managed getting. Her warm, trembling body pressed against his as they stood on their knees together, naked in the warm glow of the fire and he ran his fingers up and down her arms. He could feel her heart beating under her skin and there was a faint tickle of energy coming from the tips of her fingers that lightly brushed his back.

"Do you feel better?" She finally asked.

"Yes." He answered. "I feel…whole again."

"Good." She replied. "You deserve it…you were carrying too much."

"I know. I…I don't know how not to. I don't know any other way to let it all go."

"Shhhh." She cooed. "Don't worry about that now."

She pulled back from their embrace and got to her feet, helping him up after her.

"Come to bed." She said, taking his hand and leading him over. He felt so light and unencumbered. It felt so unlike the weight he usually carried around every day. He knew it would come back, that this feeling would not last, but for now he will stay with it.

He climbed in after her, their bodies fitting in together so perfectly, already feeling so drowsy before his head even hit the pillow. His eyes closed, not to open again until the morning came and as her fingers gently worked their way through his hair her drifted off to a welcome and dreamless sleep.