Scene setup:
During the KCK storyline, John saves Natalie from her own foolishness. In a fit of anger, he yells that he doesn't want someone else he loves to get hurt. Now he has to face Evangeline.
After things settled down with Natalie, John told Bo he needed to take the rest of the day off. Bo figured he was shaken by what Natalie had done, so he was more than accommodating. John stood in the middle of his office and felt completely lost. He tried to gather his thoughts to think about what he'd say to Evangeline, but nothing he thought of seemed good enough.
He'd left Natalie in Michael's care. John didn't doubt that she was telling him all about his outburst in the woods. Mike couldn't keep his mouth shut, so it'd only be a matter of time before all of Llanview heard. Whether he was ready or not, John knew he needed to talk to Evangeline. He'd have to just wing it.
She picked up her direct office line on the first ring. She must have been expecting a call. "Evangeline Williamson."
"Hey, it's me." John sat on the corner of his desk. He'd called her from his office. He figured that being in his office would help him keep his calm. "You busy?"
"Always, but never too busy for you. What's up?" Evangeline smiled at the sound of his voice. It was always a nice surprise to hear from him in the middle of the workday. It wasn't that long ago when he showed up in the middle of the day and made love to her in her office. That memory would probably keep her distracted for the rest of the day.
"I need to see you. Can you meet me?" John could hear the smile in her voice. For a moment, he'd considered not telling her at all. The last thing he wanted to do was to take away her smile.
"John, is everything okay?" Evangeline shifted from enamored to concerned. John was serious about his work and wasn't one to duck out in the middle of the day. His ominous tone had her flipping through her calendar to see how she could reschedule her meetings and not get swamped later in the week.
"Yeah," John simply replied, but that was a lie.
"I've got uh," Evangeline froze as she tried to read through her own bad notes. She tried to leave the scheduling to her secretary, but every now and then she'd pencil something in. "I can meet you right now." Evangeline stopped flipping through her calendar. She remembered before telling him that she'd come running if he ever needed her. She was standing up and tossing files in her briefcase before she spoke again. "Should I meet you at the station or your place?"
"Let's meet at your place. I can be there in ten minutes." John looked at his watch. She'd joked that they always ended their arguments in bed, and that they never did much talking when they were near his bed. Her place was neutral and had thick walls. He didn't want Roxy or any of the other tenants of the Angel's Square Hotel to overhear this conversation.
"Okay, I'll see you then." Evangeline frowned. He'd hung up before she could say anything else. Something was definitely wrong. She spoke to her secretary before she left and then she was on her way.
When she arrived, she saw John's car in the parking lot and wondered how long he'd been waiting. She'd gotten held up in traffic and it had taken her twenty minutes to get there. She didn't see John in the lobby and knew he was waiting for her upstairs. The mystery was really starting to get to her. Her time in the elevator had given her enough time to regain her cool. She didn't want to let her anxiety show. When she opened the door, she saw John immediately. He was sitting in a chair near the fireplace. He looked beaten down and exhausted.
"Hey." Evangeline was committed to maintaining a positive attitude. She walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. "You had me worried McBain. I thought you might have been hurt or something." Evangeline dropped her briefcase beside the chair that was across from John.
"Me, no, I'm fine." John sighed. He did his best to keep his hands to himself. He didn't want to try and distract her with his physical desires. Though, part of him wanted to just make love to her and forget that the day even happened. He could get her into bed, probably, but when the truth came out it would only make her hate him more.
"So, what's up?" Evangeline suddenly remembered leaving John at the station. He was off to find Natalie who might have been in a sticky situation. "What happened with Natalie? Did you find her?" Evangeline knew she should wait for him to fill her in, but she was naturally inquisitive.
John leaned back in the chair and shook his head. He should have reigned Natalie in sooner. "Yeah, she and Rex pulled a stupid stunt. They went out there to bait the killer."
"What? That's crazy." Evangeline was continually surprised at Natalie's antics to get John's attention. If she wasn't careful, she'd end up hurt.
"I know. Killer knocked out Rex and fired an arrow at Natalie. Luckily, she ended up with a scrape. Just a big waste of resources. We've got the arrow and the crossbow, but I doubt it will lead to anything." John studied her face as he spoke. She looked concerned and annoyed at the same time. He could understand her feelings.
"My god, I'm just glad she's okay." Evangeline shook her head. She chose to change the subject. She wouldn't make Natalie the center of whatever John needed her for. "Look, let's just hope that something good comes from this." Evangeline reached over and touch his hand. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't call me here to talk about Natalie. What's going on?"
John wiped his hand down his face to hide his expression. "Actually, I did." John focused his attention toward the fireplace. He couldn't keep looking her in the eyes.
Evangeline, who was very good a putting on a game face, was unable to hide her surprise. There wasn't any good scenario that she could think of that would require John to call her away from work to discuss Natalie. She had a dozen questions in her mind, but she held off. She was more concerned that John wouldn't look at her anymore. "Can't you at least look at me?"
John looked over at her sadly. "What Natalie did was stupid, you know. Even if she didn't get hurt, she could have gotten someone else hurt."
"And you're going to beat yourself up over that?" Evangeline couldn't hold back. As much as Natalie claimed she understood John, she caused him more than a fair amount of stress and worry.
"No, maybe. Just another reminder of all the things that have gone wrong in my life. With the job, I'm supposed to protect people, keep them safe. Seeing Natalie on the ground and bleeding, brought back a lot." John saw Evangeline softening towards him. That made him feel worse. "In the heat of the moment, I told Natalie how dumb it was. Told her I didn't want to see someone that I loved get hurt again," John let his words die off at the end. "It all happened so fast."
A single tear rolled down Evangeline's cheek. She wasn't sad, though. She was furious. She couldn't count the number of times that he'd told her Natalie was just a friend. Now the truth had finally come out and it hurt. "Well thanks for being honest, John," she couldn't hide the sarcasm in her voice.
"I'm not in love with Natalie," John reached out to touch her, but she recoiled. "It was just the heat of the moment. I wasn't thinking. You have to understand that I didn't plan for this to happen, but it did and I'm sorry."
"Sorry, John?" Evangeline stood and started to pace. "You said you loved the woman who has been between us since the beginning of our relationship. The same woman who you assured me was 'just a friend.' I'm sorry isn't good enough."
"You think I did this on purpose," John had expected her anger. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that she'd just kiss him and make up. He was focused on making her understand, because he was ready to stop talking about this.
"No, John, but you choose your words very carefully. You are methodical. Of all the intimate moments we've shared, you've never said those words to me or even come close. But Natalie, you said them to Natalie."
"I am not in love with Natalie." John stood and tried to walk over to her, but she moved away from him. She was wrong. He'd come close on his birthday, but she'd fallen asleep. Though, now wasn't the time to bring that up. "This was a mistake. I am not in love with her."
"How would you know, John? Really? You spend all these years bottling up your feelings and avoiding getting close to anyone." Evangeline couldn't help but to feel like an idiot. How long had he been in love with her? How long had she known that there was more than just friendship between them and chose to ignore? John broke her heart because she let him.
"Because I'm in love with you!" John shouted angrily at her and immediately regretted it. "Evangeline, please." He needed to hold her now. He needed her to understand how there was no one else for him.
"How could you say that to me," Evangeline spoke through sobs. Of all the time she'd imagined that she would hear those words, she never imagined this scenario. It wasn't some sweet and romantic admission. It was an angry confession. "Don't you dare say that to me."
John hung his head shamefully. It wasn't as if he didn't have a chance to tell her before. Her falling asleep on his birthday had been the excuse that he made for holding back. It hadn't just been a fleeting, either. He thought about her constantly and it scared him. He knew what kind of man she needed, and he wasn't that guy. He had just been counting down the days before she realized it too.
Without another word, Evangeline turned and walked to the kitchen. She was glad to be home at this point. She poured herself a glass of wine as her tears continued to fall. Even now she was reminded of their first romantic encounter down in Mary's basement. Now she probably wouldn't even be able to drown her sorrows in alcohol without thinking about him.
John followed her and stood in the doorway to the kitchen silently. She hadn't noticed him, or she was ignoring him. He tried his best to hold it in, but now his cheeks were stained with tears as well. She was hurting now, and it was because of him. "Evangeline, I don't want us to be over. I want to fix this, but I don't know how." A speechless Evangeline was not what he was expecting. She simply shrugged as she walked past him with her glass and the bottle of wine in hand. He followed behind her back to the living room. She returned to her chair near the fireplace.
"I think you should leave." Evangeline had finished one glass in a few short minutes and was already pouring a second. She was certainly going to be feeling this tomorrow, but she didn't care. She knew the alcohol would numb her from the pain. The disappointment.
"Not until I fix this. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you need." John kneeled to one knee beside her chair. He moved to touch her leg and she allowed it. That small victory gave him hope.
"Let's just say I believe you. Despite everything that's happened, everything you've said, you are not in love with Natalie." Evangeline was slouched over in her chair with her feet on the cushions of the chair opposite of her. In keeping John away from her, she'd forgotten all the refinement that her mother had taught her. At this point, she was barely able to stop herself from losing all tact and really letting John have it. "She's in love with you, and she's been in love with you. She didn't risk her life to help the LPD. She did it to get your attention. You said she made a pass at you. How much farther do you think she's willing to go to have you?"
"This ain't a competition. I'm with you." John sat on the arm of the chair that her legs were propped up in.
"Clearly, she doesn't respect that, John. Clearly." Evangeline set her glass and the bottle down on the floor which required her to sit up properly in her chair. She had the overwhelming urge to start throwing things. That would have been fine, but this was her apartment and she didn't want to make a mess.
"She's been through a lot," John stopped when he saw Evangeline rolling her eyes. He'd used that tired excuse a number of times. Today it wasn't going to work.
"How long is that excuse going to work for her? She has her family to help her if she still can't deal. Her brother was willing to risk his life by baiting a serial killer to help her get with you. Roxy locked you guys in that evidence room, and we both know what that was about. Bo's got her working at the station, so you can keep your eye on her 24/7." Evangeline looked him in the eyes, because she wanted to see just how much he'd hurt her.
When she stated it so plainly, John understood her frustration. It wasn't as if Natalie didn't have family to turn to. John made himself responsible for her. Maybe her family wasn't as invested as he was because they knew she had him to turn to. Logically, he knew he needed to step back and let her live her own life. "You have to understand that what I feel for her is not anything at all like what I feel for you."
Evangeline absorbed his words for a moment. In a moment of clarity, she finally understood him. "It's you that doesn't understand, John. Throughout our entire relationship, the only thing I've understood is that Natalie comes first. She gets herself into trouble and you have to save her. You leave my bed to go and clean up her messes. Then you swear that you're not in love with her. You may not be in love with her, but you love her. The why doesn't really matter." Evangeline looked away sadly. She couldn't betray her own heart. "I do know that I love you. God help me, but I do. I also love my mother, and that's nothing at all like what I feel for you. I love Nora, and that's nothing at all like what I feel for you. You spent so long running from your feelings that now you can't even realize what love really is."
John sighed inwardly. Her admission gave him the smallest bit of hope. "Maybe you're right. Natalie's like a kid sister to me. I feel for her what I did for Mike after my dad. I feel responsible like I have to watch out for her. I know you don't want to hear that. I'm not blind. I know she's in love with me, and she's never stopped. I'm scared that if I push her away, she'll do something stupid and get herself killed. I've tried to keep her at arm's length and that was at your expense. For that, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
John reached for her, and she allowed it. He pulled her over to his lap and hugged her tightly. His heart was eased only slightly. He'd had to admit more than he'd wanted to, but his honesty is likely what saved their relationship. Somehow, they'd weathered this storm.
Evangeline stroked the top of John's head while he held her. It wasn't the declaration of love that she wanted, but she felt that he was being honest. Maybe she was a fool. She loved him and she didn't want to let him go. "John, I love you, but I can't keep doing this. I won't let you keep breaking my heart." Evangeline paused as he looked up at her. She hoped these words would be the last time Natalie would be mentioned as an issue in their relationship. "It's not your friendship with Natalie that bothers me, but if you don't get it just image if the roles were reversed and I was chasing after RJ. I can't tell you what to do, so you're going to have to figure this out on your own. If you ever blur the line with Natalie again, I won't forgive you."
John pursed his lips and nodded his head. Her comparison had been fair. Their relationship would have been dead in the water if she'd been chasing after RJ for months. He also didn't doubt that she was serious about not forgiving him again. "Okay." John had never been one for sweet talk, and he wasn't about to start now. He needed to show her that he could be a better man and that would speak for itself.
The best choice of action would have been for John to tell Evangeline about the deal he made with Cristian Vega. He wasn't ready to get into another fight when they'd just made up, so he chose to keep that information a secret for now. The secret couldn't be ignored for too much longer, and he knew that. He'd come clean to her and then Bo and Nora. The fallout would be devastating, but the die had already been cast.
For now, John just wanted to have her again. He ran his hands in her hair and pulled her in for a kiss. "Right now, I want to take the woman I love to her bedroom and show her how sorry I really am." John stood with her in his arms and started to walk her back to her bedroom.
Author's note: Please don't be frustrated with the shorts. I'm trying to stay sort of canon in case one of these turns into a full blown story. My ideas are written so that I could continue somewhat along with the way the story unfolded on the show. Of course, if anything turns into a full blown story it will not be cannon. I'll borrow some of their ideas and put a JoVan friendly spin on it. :)