Distraught by another tragic turn of events in his life, John goes to visit the grave of a former friend, Evangeline Williamson.

John sat in his car silently with his hands gripping the steering wheel. He'd been rooted in place for the past thirty minutes. He was trying to find his courage. Adjusting his tie one final time, he grabbed the flower arrangement that was seated on the passenger's seat and figured it was now or never. The door to his rental car flung open, and he stepped out into the cool spring air. He eyes cast downward, John walked with short measured steps into the gates of the cemetery.

The long walk was reminiscent of his first date. The nerves of walking up to his date's front door knowing that he'd come face to face with her father had him in a cold sweat. Evangeline had been buried here in this cemetery in a family plot. She was buried right beside her father. To John, he was finally going to have to meet the man that Evangeline had described as larger than life. The whole drive over, John had found himself practicing a speech. Not as if it mattered, though. The dead didn't speak and passed no judgments.

Nearly ten years had passed since Evangeline succumbed to her injuries from a targeted act of violence. Evangeline and a host of other minority residents in Llanview had been gassed by a white supremacist. Evangeline got the worst of it and slipped into a coma. In the end, her family took her off life support after her living will had been found. The letter was later proven to be a forgery, but the damage had already been done.

A wide smile crept over John's face as he walked closer to her family plot. He was excited to talk to an old friend again. He and Evangeline were swept away in a whirlwind romance that ended far too quickly. In retrospect, John knew that he loved Evangeline deeply. During their time together, John was a different man and refused to admit his feelings. Though it should have drove a wedge between them, Evangeline ended their romantic relationship and continued their friendship. He would always believe that she was more than he deserved.

John stopped short at the grave of Clarence Williamson. He bowed slightly to pay his respects. When he looked to the headstones on either side, he was confused because neither was Evangeline's. He figured Layla had intentionally told him the wrong information or Evangeline had been relocated. He walked up and down the row hoping that she was somewhere nearby. He made four or five passes up and down the row before he finally accepted that she wasn't here after all.

"John McBain? Is that you?"

John's ears perked up with excitement and then confusion. He spun around and was scared nearly half to death. The woman that stood before him was the same that he was here to visit. "Evangeline?" His tears were automatic. This illusion was a painful reminder of the woman he'd lost.

With four quick steps, Evangeline was now standing in front of him. Her eyes were bright and shining with tears. She pulled him into a tight hug and noticed his apprehension. Of course, he'd be surprised. She was supposed to be dead.

The flowers that John held fell to the ground as he pulled his arms around her. Her new but familiar appearance with this physical contact were confirmation that she indeed was alive. "All this time, I thought you were gone." John's voice came out hoarse and strained as he spoke through tears.

Evangeline smiled and let him hold her. His words told her that he'd not been here in quite some time. Evangeline hadn't been dead for more than eight years. "Long story short the bureau got me."

John smiled again. That had actually been a comfort to hear. In the deepest recess of John's mind, he hoped that's what really happened. It was always too convenient that everyone else in Cristian's apartment came through just fine. When he was recalled to the bureau, he thought about answering that question definitively, but thought better of it. At best, she was still alive and living some new fake life away from her loved ones. At worst, she really had been killed, and her precious life had been stolen from her. John chose ignorance because it allowed for the possibility of her being alive. Never had he imagined that he would ever see her again.

John pulled out of their embrace so that he could look her over. She was still the same Evangeline, but slightly different. Her hair that was pulled into a ponytail was longer. She didn't have the gaunt look of a model, but she was noticeably thinner. The biggest difference was her smile. She looked truly happy. That's when John noticed. The silver band on her left ring finger sparkled in the light of the sun.

Evangeline studied John's face. Even now she knew him, perhaps better than he knew himself. For a brief moment, his eyes reflected the pain of a great betrayal. He recovered quickly and was again smiling over at her. She knew he'd seen the ring, the symbol of her newfound happiness.

Almost on cue, the energetic voices of children could be heard from behind Evangeline. Her smile widened as she turned and kneeled. Her arms were stretched open inviting the children in. "Mommy, we saw a turtle and a frog." The tallest boy arrived first and came crashing into her. There were two smaller boys that followed along with a handsome man who was middle aged and holding a baby. "Daddy says we can't take them home."

The child's words echoed in John's head. Not only had Evangeline married, she had children as well. Rage, envy, jealousy. John didn't understand his emotions, so he buried them deep inside as he was so accustomed to doing.

"We already have enough pets at home." Evangeline squeezed them all together which caused them to giggle uncontrollably. She released them when they started to fidget wildly. They paid no attention to John as they started to run off and chase each other up and down the rows. "Hey, you." Evangeline stood and stroked the child's face. Then she kissed the man on his cheek. "Hiro, this is an old friend of mine. This is John McBain." Evangeline finally made the introduction that John had been waiting for. "John this is my husband Hiro Kasai. This is our daughter Naomi. Those are our boys, Ken the oldest, Jin our middle son, and Rei our baby boy."

His irritation distracted him at first, but after the introduction John realized who her husband was. "Hiro Kasai, formerly of the Seattle Mariners. Mr. No Hitter." He could have guessed that Evangeline wouldn't end up with some average Joe. Her husband had his career cut short when he was shot protecting others during a robbery. That would have been before he'd met Evangeline.

Hiro smiled and nodded. He was never one for the limelight. Being noticed was always pleasant, but he preferred his quiet life with Evangeline and their children. "I'm going to walk with he kids a bit. Maybe we can run off some of that energy before bedtime." Though Evangeline called John a friend, Hiro had never heard that name before. He figured John was from her old life. A time that she had long since forgotten.

"I'll see you guys in a bit." Evangeline kissed her baby girl before watching her husband follow after the boys.

"If I wasn't seeing it, I wouldn't believe it. Hell, I'm seeing it, and I still don't believe it." John spoke to her to bring her attention back to him. It was painful to watch her loving another man.

"Yeah." Evangeline didn't know how to respond properly. Surely, he'd been referring to the Evangeline he'd known before. She'd sworn off marriage and having kids was more like wishful thinking. "I spent 22 months in Nowhere, Arkansas keeping a low profile. You know how it is. Being in witness protection was solitude. Leave your family and everyone you've ever loved. We'll put you somewhere new, but don't get too close to anyone. You can't afford to have your cover blown." Thinking back, those 22 months gave her insight on John. He too lived a guarded life and didn't let other get close. Though, his had been by choice.

John picked up the flowers that he'd intended to lay on her grave. It seemed a waste to discard them, so instead he placed them on her father's grave. He noticed today was her father's birthday. She'd told him once that she always came down to visit around this time of year.

"After all this time, what brings you out here, John?" Evangeline sat on her father's headstone and looked down at John. He looked like she remembered except with a few gray hairs. His expression was somber as usual. She always felt like she needed to make him laugh or smile. In the past, when they had been around each other, she was overcome with amorous thoughts of him. Now those thoughts were no more.

"Was thinking about you." John chose the short answer. He'd been working on a case when he was caught up in a building explosion. He was buried alive and with little hope left, his life flashed before his eyes. When he was sure there was no way out of his situation, he took out the two things most dear to him and held them close to his heart as he prepared for death. One was a picture of his former son, Liam. The other was a wrinkled napkin that Evangeline had given him years before. The words 'I love you, E' were written in her neat handwriting.

He never changed Natalie from being his emergency contact, so she was called in after he was rescued. She lied and said she was his wife, and no one questioned it. Any hope of a reconciliation was dashed when she was given the items they recovered when they rescued him. That he was thinking of Evangeline in what he thought were his final moments was devastating. He had a picture of her in his wallet, yet he'd intentionally disregarded it.

"Had my own near-death experience and it brought me back. Gave me some perspective." John arranged the flowers carefully. Then, he joined Evangeline, sitting carefully on her father's headstone.

Evangeline nodded. She wouldn't ask what he meant. "What have you been up to other than cheating death?"

"The usual. Being a cop. Being John McBain." John looked out in the distance and he could still see Evangeline's children chasing after each other. "I had a son with Natalie."

Evangeline's heart broke instantly. She didn't care for John anymore, but she could feel for anyone who knew the pain of losing a child. "John, I'm so sorry."

"He's okay," John inserted and saw a relieved look on he face. "He's just not mine. Not anymore." John paused expecting questions from Evangeline. She remained eerily silent, so John continued. "It was always easy for me to be with her 'cause she knew what pain and loss were. We both lived hard lives with absentee mothers and no father figure. We both lost significant others. I didn't have to tell her what I was feeling. She knew."

Evangeline didn't wince at his revelation. She knew why John chose Natalie. John felt the need to apologize now, but he was over a decade late. "I can understand that."

"When she thought we weren't going to be together anymore, she took our son and left. She was always just a regular girl from AC until she remembered she had Buchanan money to throw around. I was ready to fight for him, and then the truth came out, again. I wasn't Liam's father again, but this time there wasn't some mix up. I had Mike do another test and then a few independent labs before it finally sunk in. Maybe I could have fought it, but I let him go. I had to." Since that day, John had been constantly thinking about Evangeline. He'd made his choice years ago, but he couldn't help but wonder what could have been.

Evangeline didn't believe in fate, but this news wasn't a surprise. Natalie was a narcissist. She and John only worked if he was focused on her and her needs alone. That they allowed a child to get confused in their drama was the most upsetting part.

For a moment, John found himself wishing for a ghost. The Evangeline of his dreams was talkative and inquisitive, playful and sensual. This new Evangeline was silent and introspective. John was not prepared for that.

When it became obvious that she was waiting for him to continue, he spoke again. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an old, dirty napkin. He had it stashed in a sandwich bag to prevent further damage. He held it out for Evangeline to see. "In lots of ways, my life has been a waste. Filled with missed opportunities and regrets. You kept me going, though. Just remembering that someone like you could ever love someone like me has gotten me through some tough times.

Evangeline smile regrettably. "I'm glad you made it through it all. Life is amazing and every day is a blessing."

John waited. He was almost holding his breath just hoping to hear her say it one more time.

"Please take care of yourself, John. Find the happiness that you deserve." Evangeline knew she was disappointing him. He was still frozen in time and living for the precious moments that he'd lost so long ago.

Even though he was disappointed, John smiled. "I will. You don't have to be a stranger. We were friends once, remember?"

"I'll never forget." Evangeline touched his face gently then his heart. "Good bye, John."

John didn't have the heart to stop her as she walked away. There was nothing he could say that would steal her away from her new life. He turned over the sandwich bag in his hand and stared at the opposite side of the napkin. He'd scribbled his own note to her 'I love you, J', but he'd never had the courage to give it to her. Now that he was ready it was far too late.

Author's note: This hurts, but I feel it's realistic with the OLTL canon universe. Evangeline couldn't wait on John forever.