Half an hour later Alex and Sara finally went back to the hotel. Sara had a bit of a hard time answering to reporters outside but she remained calm as Alex helped her field some of the questions.

Kate was relieved to be rid of the heart monitor and catheter. She felt clean and fresh albeit still sore and a bit wobbly after her shower. She managed to get a couple of hours of sleep and was starting to feel half human again.

"Feel better?" asked Sax as she came into the room.

"Much thanks. I thought you were off shift by now" said Kate.

"I am… but you know me. Anyway, nothing to do at home. Jude's away on assignment" shrugged Sax.

"You have it baaaad" snorted Kate.

"Well…. As if you're any better" laughed Sax rolling her eyes.

"It's nice isn't it? Being in love" said Kate grinning.

"It's amazing" smiled Sax.

"Well if you're bored you can always remove this drain for me?" Kate tried her luck.

"Let me have a look" said Sax. She snapped on some latex gloves.

"Mmm… okay, let's do this" said Sax and started pulling the drain out.

"Oooouch!" Kate complained loudly.

"Jeez, you can be such a baby sometimes!"

"You could have numbed me up you know"

"Do you numb up patients before removing drains?" said Sax sarcastically.

"Yes I do actually"

"But your patients really are babies!" laughed Sax.

"That was fun… Anyway… where's that chess board" said Kate after the procedure was done.

"Here we go" said Sax taking a board out of a carry bag.

"Looking forward to having your ass kicked Sinclair?" said Kate.

"Oh, somebody is just full of confidence suddenly" said Sax pulling up an eyebrow.

"Well, I've had way more sleep that you have" said Kate putting the chess pieces on the board.

"I don't need sleep" said Sax.

"We'll see" winked Kate.

"I'm going to remove the pulse ox for the game…. Please don't freak out. But, it will give you an unfair advantage being able to check out my heart rate" said Kate.

"As you wish" said Sax and sat down on the side of Kate's bed.

"Dr Sinclair… so sorry to bother you but I have a question about a patient" said a resident peeping into the room.

"Come in… ask away. Kate's one of us" said Sax.

The question was complicated and before Sax could respond Kate answered.

Sax looked at her surprised.

"Sorry… habit. I don't know the case, I'm probably wrong, please ignore that" said Kate.

"No… she's 100% right. You have your answer Dr. Epson" said Sax shrugging.

The resident smiled, in awe of this patient that seemed to know all about surgical complications.

"So… you never did tell me, why did you leave trauma Kate?" asked Sax.

Kate sighed. "Long story… it just, it wasn't the right place for me… at the time" said Kate.

Sax frowned. "And then, you move to the ICU? I don't get it"

"I still operated… a lot you know" said Kate.

"Sure but… trauma was… your thing. You're brilliant at it" said Sax frowning.

"I tried Sax… I tried for a long time. And it was fine, I don't think my work suffered but every time a young, female MVA victim came in I saw Sam… I was pulled back to that day, that day that I had to pull her out of that wreck… that day when we came within an inch of losing her. I needed to get a break from that. Anyway… time heals all wounds" said Kate shaking her head and moved her pawn.

The events of that day suddenly rushed back into her mind. That day when she raced after a distraught Sam after she was cut from the surgical residency program after failing a certification exam. The country road lay before them, deserted. Kate frantically tried to call Sam's mobile a dozen times to get her to stop the car. She remember everything suddenly going in slow motion as she saw Sam's car veer off the road, as if on purpose, and hit a tree. They were miles away from civilization and Kate had to keep a shaking, bleeding, badly injured Sam alive somehow for twenty minutes as her body went into shock. The medics eventually arrived but it was Kate who had to intubate her, plunge a chest tube into her chest and splint her legs in a desperate attempt to get her stable enough to move. She remembered the medic's voice vividly when he screamed that he had lost her pressure and she was going into v-fib. She remembered the monitor's wailing, indicating cardiac arrest. Kate worked to resuscitate her ex-girlfriend on the side of the road for almost 20 minutes before finally restoring a pulse.

Kate could suddenly feel the ache in her arms again as if she was pounding on somebody's chest a minute ago. She was breathing fast and swallowed hard as she looked up at Sax.

"You okay? Have a sip of water" said Sax looking worried. Kate took it with shaky hands.

"I'm okay" whispered Kate looking pale.

"Dr Sinclair, sorry to bother you but I need your signoff on Mr Kowalski's discharge" said a nurse poking her head around the door.

"One minute Kate, I'll be right back" said Sax. Kate nodded and closed her eyes, suddenly feeling nauseous again. Her thoughts drifted back to that day.

A med-e-vac chopper took them away but 5 minutes into the flight Sam flatlined again and Kate had to cut her chest open and spread her ribs to get to the massive bleed around her heart. She remembered blaming herself, through rivers of tears as she held Sam's heart in her hands, squeezing it, willing it to start pumping again. Sam needed her and she wasn't there for her. She didn't love her any more but she cared deeply for her. She knew Sam drove into that tree deliberately, and she knew it wasn't because of her board exams. It was because Kate didn't love her anymore. Because there was no future for them together, Sam knew it, Kate knew it but it was Sam who couldn't comprehend a future without Kate, her security blanket. Kate had become more of a mother figure for her in the last year than a lover. Sam had tried to kill herself before, she drank pills in a desperate cry for help, for Kate's love and attention. Sam had done so many hurtful things to Kate, including trying to lure Tegan into bed and ending up sleeping with another close friend of her to get back at Kate for missing her birthday party after being called into a trauma. Tegan found her that day, a few weeks after one of her and Kate's breakups. Sam sent her a cryptic text, the pills were more of a cry for help than a real attempt to end it but this was different. She didn't want to live.

Sax met the chopper on the roof and rushed Sam into the trauma bay, Kate running beside them rattling off vital signs and explaining her interventions so far. She remembered Sax glancing up at her, for the first time since she'd known her, Sax looked rattled. Kate wanted to scrub in on surgery but Sax wouldn't let her. Good thing, because she was left in front of the doors to the trauma OR, shaking, covered in blood and traumatised. She fell down on her knees and started sobbing with her hands in her hair, praying Sam would pull through and wishing she had never met her.

-o-

"Kate?" Saxon's voice pulled Kate back to the present. "You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah… fuck I haven't had one of those flashbacks in years" said Kate rubbing her hand over her face.

"You want to talk about it?" asked Sax. She remembered how that day shook Kate. Up until that day Sax thought that nothing could shake Kate. She was done with her trauma fellowship. She had a shining bright future as the newly minted trauma attending at Manhattan's number one trauma centre. The relationship with Sam had ended almost a year ago and Kate was happy. She was thriving. Sax made sure not to schedule Kate and Sam's shifts together to avoid drama. As much as Kate was blooming into one of the best surgeon's she's ever seen, Sam was falling behind in only her second year of residency. She tried but she just didn't have that x-factor, that natural gift to be a trauma surgeon. Sax thought she had let her down easy when those test results came back, she encouraged her to find another speciality, one perhaps more suitable to her unique talents. That very day, the day Sam ended up op her operating table would haunt her forever. Kate, shaking and bloody would haunt her forever. Ever since that day it had become the most difficult residency program in the country to get in to. Sax had to make sure she got the best and even insisted on various psychometric tests before making her decisions on new interns.

"No, I really don't want to talk about it" said Kate.

"Okay… no pressure" smiled Sax.

"My time in the ICU was very helpful actually. I learned so much. For once I thought about a long term care plan… It was never going to be forever. I just… I needed a break from trauma. I was losing it… the edge. Anyway, that all got fucked up too when my best friend ended up in my ICU… on life support" said Kate shaking her head.

"That really affected you… in a big way… Tegan" said Sax.

"It did. But yeah well… that's life. I've seriously considered going back to trauma. It's what I excel at but peads…" said Kate, not keen to talk about Tegan's case in any more detail.

"Yeah… Peads?"

"I like it… a lot. I still do trauma of course, when I'm needed but most of it is scheduled surgeries. It works for me, now that I have a family. I get to spend more time with them. I like getting to know the patients and the parents. It's hard though… nobody likes to see a child sick or hurting" said Kate.

"Especially you… you've always been sensitive"

"I guess… but you know what. Being a doctor, any doctor, is hard… but that's what we do and the harder it gets the bigger the reward is at the end of the day"

"And the bigger the disappointment… and the hurt" said Sax softly.

"You've changed Sax…. And I mean that in a good way" smiled Kate.

"You taught me a lot Kate. More than I can verbalise" said Sax suddenly looking emotional. Not something Kate saw a lot.

"Oh but this change isn't due to me… I know that. Jude sure has your number" winked Kate.

"She sure does. I'm so in love"

Kate and Sax played chess while catching up. Kate felt the tension, the memories slowly leave her body.

"Oh I checked your chart from the ER by the way" said Sax.

"Why?" asked Kate suddenly slightly defensive.

"Just wanted to check what they did when you were in here the other night. Trying to find something to explain this mysterious appendicitis" said Sax.

"It was an atypical presentation… that's it" said Kate.

"I'm not saying it wasn't... Check" said Sax moving her knight.

"And? What did the chart tell you… that Sam fucked up?" said Kate moving her king out of harm's way.

"No… Kate I'm not accusing anybody" said Sax putting her hands up defensively.

"Yeah well it sounds like it… if Sam fucked up, so did I, I seriously miss diagnosed myself…. Check" said Kate.

"You're not an employee of this hospital… you're a patient" said Sax.

"Oh give me a break" said Kate rolling her eyes.

"Kate… listen to me" said Sax putting her hand on Kate's.

Kate looked up at Sax, her green eyes blazing.

"This is not 5 years ago anymore… you don't have to protect Sam" said Sax.

"Wait… What? I'm not protecting Sam. She has no significance in my life anymore. You know that… oh and by the way…. Check mate" said Kate looking smug.

"Fuck" mumbled Sax.

Kate laughed.

"I went easy on you because you're sick" said Sax.

"Sure you did"

"Anyway… what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by your check mate is… that I would have done the same thing as Sam. She didn't fuck up so calm down"

"I'm sorry… I just still… I feel somehow responsible for her and it sucks, I don't want to feel responsible for her anymore"

"You don't have to…. And you don't have to protect her because she doesn't need protection. She turned out to be a really good doctor. Kate…. I'm going to be honest with you, the time in rehab, then the time in the psych hospital, she worked through her issues"

Sax remembered Kate taking time off to take care of and be with Sam until her parents moved her into a rehab facility. How she finally convinced Sam that they didn't have a future together and that was okay. That she would find happiness, that she would find the true love of her life and her perfect job. When Kate left she truly believed that Sam would be okay.

"I think that when you left for California, she took it exceptionally hard. She struggled, she missed her crutch. But it was the best thing you've ever done for her. She finally managed to get out from under your shadow, your wing. Let's get real, you have always been the super star. The wildly talented surgeon. Trust me when I tell you that most doctors would kill to be you, but they just can't, it's that simple. Not everyone can do what you do and that's a good thing because if they could, we'd have millions of specialist surgeons and no general ER docs. Sam's made her peace with the fact that she's not a surgeon. She's found the place she belongs. She worked incredibly hard to get to where she is now. She's happy and she's excelling at what she does" said Sax and squeezed Kate's hand. Sax still somehow believed that it was her firing Sam, telling her that she would never be a surgeon that sent her over the edge.

Kate finally looked up. "Thank you… I needed to hear that"

"Go easy on yourself okay, another game?"

"Um… I'm kind of tired. Want to try and get some rest before visitor's hour this afternoon. My peeps can be a handful" Kate lied.

"Okay… you do that. I enjoyed this… thanks"

"Maybe we can do it again tonight… or tomorrow"

"Looking forward to it. I'm actually going to go home for a few hours. Maybe I'll catch some zz's and get in a jog in the park. I'll be back this evening"

"Thanks Sax. For everything" said Kate and threw her head back as Sax left.

Kate pressed the call button as soon as she knew Sax would be far enough away. A friendly nurse walked into the room a minute later. Kate was surprised at the fast service, she was pretty sure it was because she used to work there and because Sax was her friend. The staff all had healthy respect for Sax who could at times get very strict.

"How can I help Dr Morgan?" she asked.

"Firstly, I'm not a doctor right now so it's Kate" laughed Kate.

"Alright Kate, how can I help?" she smiled.

"I was just wondering if I could have another blanket please" Kate lied.

"Of course, let me just check your temperature real quick…. Mmmm. Looks okay"

"If you happen to maybe… run into Dr Cooper, could you ask her to come and see me if she has a moment?" said Kate, suddenly blushing.

"I don't really go to the ER much but I can page her for you"

"Um… okay sure. Not urgent at all though" said Kate.

"Alright, get some rest now… Kate" said the nurse.

Kate desperately wanted to turn onto her side to get more comfortable but she had strict instructions to keep her arm in one spot until the cast came back. She was just about to fall asleep when she sensed the door open, after a long moment she opened her eyes.

"I'm awake" she said when she saw Sam in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, I should let you get some rest" said Sam and started to leave.

"No, please… I'm the one who called you. Thank you for coming"

Sam entered the room awkwardly.

"I just wanted to say thank you. For taking care of me last night. I must have been a handful, crying like a baby and all" said Kate blushing.

"You're welcome, it was more like screaming like a maniac actually" laughed Sam, some of the tension in her body easing.

"Shit luck huh… first the hand and then the appendix in two days" laughed Kate.

"Kate… I'm sorry I didn't pick up on that when you first came in" said Sam looking embarrassed.

"Hey don't worry… nobody did. I didn't suspect it for one second" said Kate.

"Still… I should have done a more thorough work up"

"There was no indication to do so. I should have come in earlier yesterday. I knew something was wrong but nooo…. Kate's invincible… Trust me, this isn't on you"

"And then your hand… Jeez Kate, is it okay now? Did I cast it too tight? I'm so sorry… I… I don't know how this happened" said Sam.

"You did everything right. Ortho said it's just some fluid build-up after the op. Seriously, it's nothing to worry about… nothing you did wrong" said Kate.

"Well… Tegan seemed to think all of this was my fault" said Sam shaking her head.

"What? When did you speak to Tegan?"

"I ran into her early this morning… she was livid, can't say I blame her"

"Sam… Tegan was… look she was scared… I'm not defending her behaviour but you know how protective she can get. The whole situation… with me in ICU and all… I think it just rattled her. Please don't take it to heart" said Kate sincerely.

"Tegan has seen me at my worst… and I hate that. I hate knowing that… that I caused her any unhappiness… any fear… yet again... More than that, I hate what I put YOU though. God I was a fuckup back then" said Sam, tears building in her silver blue eyes.

"Sam… no… don't go there. It's over" said Kate.

"I'm sorry" muttered Sam.

"I don't regret our time together, never have, never will. You meant a lot to me. I…" said Kate looking down.

"I loved you" said Sam softly.

"Me too" said Kate smiling sadly.

"But" Sam sighed and took a deep breath. "We've both moved on. I just want to… I wanted to say that I'm sorry for any unhappiness, any hurt I caused you and don't say I didn't… I know I did. You saved me… so many times. No ssshhh and listen…" said Sam when Kate tried to interrupt.

"You're amazing. I'm so proud of you, what you've achieved in your career but also personally. You're an inspiration. Anyway… I better go now" smiled Sam

"Hey Sam… I'm proud of you too" smiled Kate. "Sax tells me you're doing a fantastic job. I'm happy for you"

"Thank you Kate. You take care of yourself okay" said Sam and hastily left the room.

-o-

Kate woke up a couple of hours later and groggily rubbed her eyes.

"Hey sleepy head" she felt Sara's breath in her neck and smiled when Sara kissed her cheek.

"You're back… I've missed you" she mumbled and smiled.

"How you doing?" Sara asked.

"I'm just groovy thanks" said Kate softly and stretched her healthy arm over her head.

"Glad to see you got some rest" said Sara still running her fingers through Kate's hair.

"Did you?" asked Kate.

"I did, a little bit" said Sara.

"Good" said Kate and pressed a button to bring the head of the bed up.

"Oh… so much flowers! Thank you, it's beautiful" said Kate.

"You deserve some flowers sweetie. But, I've got a better surprise for you" said Sara.

"Really?" Kate scrubbed her hand over her face.

"Or maybe we should just let you sleep?" said Sara.

"No don't be silly, I've had plenty of sleep"

Sara waved out the door.

"Surprise" said Tegan carrying Amelia in.

"Amelia!" said Kate and held her arm out.

"Careful please… I mean REALLY careful!" said Sara.

"Of course babe" said Kate.

Tegan put Amelia down next to Kate, she was all over her immediately.

"Hey sweetie… stick to the face okay" she smiled as Amelia kissed her.

"How are you feeling?" asked Tegan a few minutes later.

"Fine" said Kate not looking at Tegan.

"When are they recasting your hand?"

"Don't know… later today" said Kate.

Kate didn't pay much attention to anybody in the room except Amelia.

Tegan, Lindsey and Sara were making small talk.

"Oh almost forgot, got you some jello! The kind you like, hospital jello isn't the same" said Tegan smiling, she knew Kate shared her obsession with jello.

"Thanks" said Kate, again not looking up at Tegan.

"She's not allowed solids yet so that will be great, thanks Tee" said Sara.

Kate looked out of the window.

"Did I… do something wrong?" Tegan frowned.

Sara looked just as confused as Tegan.

Kate snorted and shook her head.

"What?" exclaimed Tegan.

"Nothing" mumbled Kate.

"Kate? What did I do? You're obviously pissed off" said Tegan.

Kate sighed and turned to Sara. "Sweetie… can I have a word with Tegan in private please?"

Sara frowned. "Okay… let's go grab some coffee Linds". She picked up Amelia and headed for the door.

"I'm waiting" said Tegan folding her arms.

"Who gives you the right… to verbally attack Sam. I can't believe you" said Kate looking mad.

"Excuse me! I didn't verbally attack her. Is that what she told you?" said Tegan.

"She told me that you blame her for what happened" said Kate.

"Okay… maybe I did verbally… um… attack her" said Tegan.

"Tegan it's none of your business" said Kate.

"It is my business… it's my business when a doctor fucks up the care - and endangers the future or even the life of my friend and my soon to be sister in law" said Tegan loudly and passionately.

"She didn't fuck up" said Kate.

"Oh really" said Tegan sarcastically.

"Really… ask Sax. Not with the appendix and not with the hand"

Tegan suddenly looked pale. She paced up and down next to the bed.

"I'm… I'm sorry Kate. I made assumptions. I just don't want her to hurt you again. Katie please understand" Tegan begged.

"I appreciate that Tegan… but I'm a big girl. Sam isn't the person she was back then and I think I owe her… at least a chance"

"I'll… speak to her and apologise"

"Thank you. Tegan… please understand that Sam is out of my life, for good. I absolutely adore Sara, she's the love of my life, we have a life together, a family. I will never, ever jeopardise that. Sara is my future. I just… I finally made my peace with Sam. I have some closure now"

"I'm glad… Sorry I butted in" smiled Tegan.

"Hey, I know it's just 'cause you love me"

"I sure do… don't you ever scare me like that again"

"Guess we're even then" smiled Kate.

"We're nowhere near even. I owe you so much more"

"You were amazing last night by the way. Couldn't believe it was the same Tegan with anxiety issues"

Tegan shrugged. "You know what… when I walked into that ICU room, I wanted a pill… for the first time since… I… I wanted something to numb me… to dull out the fear, the anxiety, but more than anything… the memories"

"I'm proud of you buddy" said Kate.

"Don't know what I would have done if Sax wasn't there to talk me down"

"Sax?"

Tegan just nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"You guys have always had a connection"

"She's changed though… or am I imagining things? She was so gently, so patient with me"

"I think Jude has a lot to do with that"

"Hmmm" grunted Tegan, suddenly back in Sax's apartment.

"Heeeey sis" said Alex coming into the room followed by Erin.

"Hi guys. Erin! So good to see you" smiled Kate and carefully hugged her family hello.

Lindsey, Sara and Amelia came into the room a minute later.

"Everything okay?" Sara mouthed to Kate.

Kate gave a half smile and nodded.

"How are you feeling precious?" asked Erin.

"A bit sore and wobbly but a lot better thanks" said Kate.

"We were petrified!" said Erin.

"I'm sorry for scaring you guys, it's nothing, I'm fine!" said Kate.

"And you hand? Will it be okay?"

"Yeah, no problem. Just giving it a bit of a break from the cast. Where's my niece?"

"She's with the nanny's at the hotel. I'm sure sneaking in one baby was hard enough"

"Can't wait to get out of here"

"When will that be?" asked Alex.

"I'm pushing for today" said Kate.

"Ha… yeah right babe. Sax said you'd be lucky if you got out of here tomorrow. I mean, you were still in ICU this morning" said Sara.

"So? Only reason I'm still in here is for the IV antibiotics, and I can handle an IV" said Kate.

"Oh hi super girl" said Sax entering the room.

Kate rolled her eyes. Sax said hi to Erin and Alex and Tegan introduced her to Lindsey.

"Oh hey little one" smiled Sax and lightly pinched Amelia's cheek.

"Gosh, what a beautiful baby" said Sax.

"Thanks" said Sara and Kate in unison, both beaming with pride.

"So, couldn't help but overhear that you want to go home tonight. No chance of that happening, sorry" said Sax.

"We'll talk about this later" said Kate smiling raising her eyebrow.

"Will we? I thought we talked about it this morning" said Sax softly so only Kate could hear.

Kate groaned and threw her head back dramatically without answering.

A nurse popped her head into the room a few minutes later. "Visitor's hour is over… sorry" she said.

"We'll be back this evening sweetie pie. Get some rest okay so you can get out of here soon" said Sara and kissed Kate's forehead.

"Come here" whispered Kate and kissed Sara's mouth softly.

"Feel better soon buddy" said Tegan and gave Kate a fist pump.

-o-

Tegan stood outside the ER trying her best to be let inside.

"If you could please just call her for me" she asked through the glass. The nurse left without answering.

"M'am just take a seat please, the doctor will see you when it's your turn. Did you fill in the paperwork?" said a very camp looking but huge male nurse.

"No… I'm not a patient, its personal" said Tegan.

"Uh huh" said the nurse.

"Okay, don't worry, I'll call Dr Sinclair to let me in" said Tegan taking out her cell phone.

"Dr Sinclair? Um… I'll see if I can find Dr Cooper. Your name?"

"Tegan Quin" said Tegan stifling a laugh at just how fast the nurse jumped when hearing Sax's name.

The male nurse frowned. "As in THE Tegan Quin?"

"Uh huh" grunted Tegan.

"I shall endeavour to find her for you" winked the nurse.

"Thanks" Tegan mumbled before leaning against the wall and taking a large puff from her inhaler.

"Tegan, she stepped out to the cafeteria for her break. She's been up and about most of last night and all day" said the nurse.

"Thanks, I'll try and find her" said Tegan taking off.

"One picture please" begged the nurse.

Tegan obliged but started jogging towards the cafeteria a minute later.

It was the middle of the afternoon so the cafeteria was quite empty. Tegan saw Sam sit in a corner. Her food untouched, her head in her hand. A feeling of guilt flooded over her. She walked up to her and stopped a foot away.

"Sam" she said softly.

Sam's head snapped up. She stared at Tegan wordlessly.

"May I sit down?" asked Tegan.

"Tegan I really don't want to talk to you. I thought you said what you needed to say" said Sam and started to get up.

"Sam please… I want to apologise. Please" said Tegan, her voice pleading.

Sam sat back down but didn't invite Tegan to sit.

"I was wrong… I was a bitch. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, you did a great job. I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm sorry if I hurt you" said Tegan, her cheeks blushing.

"Tegan… I don't blame you. God knows I've fucked up enough things in my life. But I'm not that person anymore. I take my job very seriously. And Kate… well Kate is the one person that I really did my best not to fuck up with" said Sam.

"I'm sorry… Thank you for taking care of her" said Tegan.

"Sure" said Sam with a sad smile.

"I better get going… oh and Sam… I'm proud of you" smiled Tegan.

A/N: Sorry things are a bit Kate heavy at the moment. We'll get back to Tegan and Sara and maybe some of Lindsey's past soon. Hope you enjoyed these two chapters, remember to send me some feedback please!