An alternate story line from what happens after Evangeline rejects John at Cristian's art show.
Two hours. That's exactly how far behind schedule John was. His brilliant idea had backfired and now he was in a rush to get to work on time. His plan was to get up early and surprise Evangeline with breakfast and an apology, but life had gotten in the way.
Before he even left the building, he was forced to intervene in a domestic dispute between some rowdy neighbors. The two men claimed that they were arguing over loaned money, but John was smarter than that. The angrier of the two was a wannabe bookie trying to collect an illegal debt. John was able to restore the peace, but he knew that wouldn't be the end of it. He took down both of their information and sent them off with a warning. He hoped that would be enough of a deterrent to keep them both in check, but, in case it wasn't, he'd have their information. At that point, he was only fifteen minutes behind schedule and still looking forward to seeing Evangeline.
After that was handled, he was stopped by a woman in need. If he had one weakness, surely this was it. He was a sucker for a damsel in distress. She started off just needing a jump, but after several long minutes it was obvious that she need a new battery entirely. Her tears moved him further to action. He gave her a couple of dollars for bus fare even though Llanview was very pedestrian friendly town. She thanked him profusely before she was on her way. Now, he was forty-five minutes behind schedule.
John checked his watch and knew if he hurried he could still get to see Evangeline before they were both consumed with work. Driving was almost always faster than walking, but John decided to walk to the diner to pick up breakfast. That had been a mistake. As he stood on the curb waiting to cross the street, a car drove through a puddle and splashed him. He was completely soaked. The driver stopped immediately and apologized profusely. John just smiled as best as he could before dismissing him.
John was not always in touch with his emotions, but he could clearly feel the rage burning inside of him. He tried to swallow his anger, but it wasn't working well. Despite his best efforts, he ended up fighting with Evangeline, and that's why he was trying to see her. She was fed up with him and he couldn't blame her. This was the second time she thwarted his advances and made him sleep alone after an argument. His compulsive desire to protect the most vulnerable people had led to his obsessive need to protect his friend, Natalie. He caused her husband's death, or at least he thought he did. The man known as Cris Vega head returned suddenly to Llanview, but he was a shell of his former self. John didn't trust him around Natalie, so he was investigating Cris with no legal basis. This had been a continued area of contention between him and Evangeline.
John's rage had distracted him. The walk back to his apartment and subsequent shower took more time than intended. He was now an hour and a half behind schedule and seeing Evangeline before work was out of the question. He grumbled as he walked down to his car. Today, he wasn't in the mood for anyone's crap. There was enough paperwork backlogged that he could probably get away with not seeing anyone for most of his shift; barring any emergencies.
When he got to his car and noticed a flat tire, he just laughed. He didn't believe in that kind of stuff, but he wondered what he'd done to piss off the universe.
"Okay, not bad." Evangeline flipped the file that she was working on shut and slid it down into her briefcase. Evangeline was currently taking advantage of being her own boss and being able to bill hours whenever she wanted. Even though she went to bed late, she was up well before her alarm. Last night, she stayed up late in an attempt to exhaust herself so that she could sleep a little later, but that didn't work as planned. She tossed and turned most of the night, but luckily she wasn't feeling as tired as she should.
Unfortunately, she was suffering from heartache. After another argument about Natalie, she sent John home alone last night, but that was a punishment for herself as well. Her relationship with John had progressed to the point that they spent most nights together; either at his place or hers. Never one to be too clingy or needy, Evangeline insisted that they spend some nights apart, but that was happening less frequently. As a matter of fact, the last time they spent the night apart had been the result of another disagreement about Natalie.
Evangeline picked up her phone an automatically started to dial his number. Then the proud voice of her mother popped into her head. She could already hear her mother's argument. "Do not chase after a man, Cookie. If he doesn't know enough to treat you right, then he doesn't deserve you." Evangeline had always lived by those words and always knew when it was time to cut a man loose. Tired of having the same fight over and over, Evangeline had to wonder when enough was enough.
Evangeline was ever the calm and rational thinker, but her relationship with John had her acting foolishly. If he was any other guy, she would have dumped him long ago. One problem that she wrestled with was that she simply didn't want to let John go. She was no stranger to relationships. There had been other men who were easily able to express their feelings for her through their words and their actions. Expressing himself was something that John couldn't or wouldn't do. John wasn't one to throw around sweet words or terms of endearment just to pacify her, and she appreciated his sincerity. She knew he cared for her but wasn't sure she would be able to hang in there long enough for him to let his walls down with her.
The other problem was that John couldn't say "I love you." The refusal was deeply rooted in loosing his father at a young age and then his fiancée, Caitlyn. Evangeline, in her infinite wisdom, decided to entertain this foolishness forgetting that she too had feelings. They agreed to ban "the L word" and it was to her benefit as well. The feelings that she had for John were scary and unfamiliar as they continued to grow close. Evangeline had always been very practical, so she had a plan for everything in her life. She'd conjured up her perfect life and her ex, Dennis, had been Mr. Right. It turned out that her dream hadn't been as desirable as the reality she was living. She broke it off with Dennis to avoid an inevitably stale marriage and then started dating just for fun. Then she met John, and the happiness that she felt when they were together was more than she ever dreamed possible.
Evangeline was packing the rest of her things when she noticed a notepad that she was writing on the night before. As if there were a mathematical formula that would make things clear to her, Evangeline had listed or tried to list all the pros and cons about her relationship with John. She had to laugh at how ridiculous she was being. She knew how she felt about John. She knew what she wanted. She knew how to get what she wanted. She just wasn't sure she was ready to accept the truth.
John finally arrived at the station…thirty minutes late. That meant Bo would come to check in on him and make sure everything was okay. Bo was nice, but he didn't cater to John's need to remain in solitude. John walked through the station with a scowl on his face. John knew from experience that he didn't have to yell and scream to let people know he was in a bad mood. A couple of uniformed officers started to greet him before noticing the dark and angry look on his face. It would only take a couple of people to spread the word to leave the lieutenant to his thoughts today.
Before he reached his office, John ran into Bo. He sighed a prepared for the incoming inquisition. "Hey, boss," John started first. He hoped this would speed the conversation up.
"Morning, John," Bo smiled politely before walking off. John shrugged, but figured Bo had other important things on his mind.
John could already tell that his day would only get worse. Just before he entered his office, he swore that he caught a faint whiff of Evangeline's perfume. He knew it was just his mind playing tricks on him. They had an argument, but it was on him. He needed to be better...to do better if he wanted to be the man that she needed.
"Hold my calls for now," John called out as he entered his office. Then, in an instant, his foul mood was brightened. Evangeline was sitting in his office with her feet kicked up on the desk. Jon tried not to smile, but he was happy to see her. Even if she was here on business, she was here for him now, and he really needed her.
"Lieutenant," she paused to make sure she had his attention, "you're late." Evangeline smiled at him and took in his appearance. He looked tired and worn down. Evangeline hated to see him like this.
"Mhm," John ran his hand through the back of his hair as a smile formed on his face. He watched while she closed her file and swung her long legs down from the desk. Then, he waited for her to close the distance between them. The last thing he needed was a rejection. He expected her to stop short, but she surprised him. She laced her hands through his hair as she pulled him into a kiss. John pilled her in close so that her body was pressed against his. "I missed you." John could only pull himself away from her for a moment.
"I missed you more." Evangeline bit his lip playfully. That they were in a public place wasn't always a deterrent for taking things further. If they were in Evangeline's office, she would have him pinned to her sofa by now.
"I'm sorry about last night. I've been a real idiot lately." John finally broke the kiss. He ran his hands through her long dark hair and stared into her soulful brown eyes. She felt too good and he was already on edge from not having her last night.
"No, shh, none of that." Evangeline kissed him again to silence him. She'd finally come to terms with what she was really feeling. She wouldn't let some silly fight ruin the moment. "I really missed you too. Come, sit." Evangeline directed him to the sofa in his office and went to retrieve the coffee and muffins that she brought from the diner.
John felt warm inside that she had the same thought as he did. John watched her moving carefully through his office and couldn't keep a smile off his face. He was always in a better mood when she was around. For John, there wasn't any denying it. He wasn't just falling for Evangeline. He was head over heels for her. The problem was that he'd made a solemn promise that he was no longer able to keep. He promised his late fiancée, Caitlyn, that he would never care for anyone as much as he cared for her. Technically, he didn't care for Evangeline as much as Caitlyn, he cared for her more. There were even thoughts of another stronger word that came to mind, but Evangeline had quickly suggested that they not used words like that. John agreed but still lamented about it.
No matter what he felt for Evangeline, he would always feel responsible for Caitlyn's death. Those feelings were part of the reason that he kept letting Natalie get in the way. John didn't feel like he deserved the happiness that Evangeline offered. Subconsciously, he was pushing Evangeline away to honor a promise to a woman who was long gone. In a few rare moments of clarity, John acknowledged that Caitlyn would want him to move on. She'd want him to be happy with Evangeline. John knew all of this but vocalizing it would be another challenge.
"Coffee, black, and a bear claw." Evangeline carefully handed him the cup and pastry then sat down beside him.
"Just what I needed." John took the food from her and they ate in comfortable silence simply enjoying being in each other's company. "So, are you in court today?" John finished his breakfast and knew his time with Evangeline was coming to a close unless he found a way to keep her around.
"No, actually. I had a meeting that was cancelled this morning, so I'm free until after lunch." Evangeline studied John's face wondering if he felt as strongly for her as she did for him. Her timing could be better, but she could no longer deny what she was feeling deep down inside. She was afraid of rejection and that's why she'd been hesitant in the past. Of course, she wanted John to return her affection, but she wouldn't hold back her feelings anymore. She needed to know where he stood.
"I know you've been putting in a lot of hours lately for Antonio on top of everything else. Must be nice to get away so early in the workday. Not that I mind." John was always playfully joking about her relatively flexible work schedule. They were both the same, workaholics. Her new lighter schedule had been for his benefit. She made extra effort to stop in and see him whenever she was in the area.
Evangeline smiled. She didn't want to get hung up on work stuff. They were both professionals, but right Antonio was the main suspect in his murder case. Shed blurred the lines in defending him, but John had done worse things coming to Natalie's defense and she wasn't even his client. There was no point in arguing about. She knew two wrongs didn't make a right.
"About this thing with Natalie," John started.
"John," Evangeline started at the same time John did.
"Sorry, you go first." John was ready to beg for her forgiveness, but if she was already over it he wouldn't force the issue.
Evangeline set her cup down and stared into John's blue eyes. "A lot has been going wrong between us lately. All this back and forth is about what's left unsaid, so I think it's time we finally cleared the air."
"Okay," John sighed. He didn't like her ominous tone. He took some relief knowing that she had been waiting on him with breakfast and a smile. She probably wasn't looking for a fight, but she was probably about to call John on what she believed to be his inappropriate behavior towards Natalie, again. "But, let me just set the record straight. I don't have any feelings for Natalie. Cris is home and I just want them to be happy together. I just want to make sure he is who he says he is, and that Natalie is safe. She's been through a lot."
"You know you can't be responsible for her happiness. Cris is back now. It's up to them to find happiness together. Your interference is only getting in the way of them really reconnecting. You know how Cris feels about you." Evangeline frowned at the look on John's face. This is the exact topic she wanted to avoid, but it was time to lay her cards on the table.
"And I have explained that to you more times than I can count. In a lot of ways, what happened to Cris is on me. He might not like it, but I'm looking out for him too." This was the one big thing they just couldn't get over. John swiped his hand down is face. He could already feel his mood starting to sour again. "Keeping people safe is what I do. It's my job."
Evangeline noted John's defensive posture and sighed. He wasn't clueless, so she couldn't understand why he wouldn't see her side on this. "Don't get defensive John. I know what the job is. Same job as about fifty other men and women in this precinct. That includes Bo, who loves Natalie, and isn't concerned in the slightest about Natalie's safety with her long-lost husband."
"I'm not being defensive. I'm being honest, and, honestly, you sound jealous." John couldn't stop himself, even though he knew better. He was frustrated by his feelings for Evangeline and not knowing what she really felt for him. She'd all but said she didn't want to love him, so why was she trying so hard to change who he was.
"Why would I be jealous? Because the man I'm with is so preoccupied with caring for another woman that he's risked his career for her? Because the man I'm with has taken it as his responsibility to be that same woman's guardian? Because whenever she's in trouble I know that I'm expected to understand while he leaves my side to go to hers?" Evangeline could give as good as she could take, but she still felt the sting of his words. She held back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Is this why you came here? Just to bust my balls about her again." John snatched up the trash and walked it over to the can. He couldn't stand the pained look on her face that mirrored what he felt deep down inside.
"You brought this up, John." Evangeline quickly swiped away a tear while his back was turned. "I came here because I wanted to fix this. Fix us. But, as usual, Natalie is on your mind." Evangeline waited for his retort but didn't get one. He paced a little before finally returning to her side with a heavy sigh.
"Fine. You're right." John looked at her stoically. "You wanted to clear the air. I'm listening." He see the tears in her eyes and felt like an ass. She deserved better than him, and no one could convince him otherwise.
"Damn you, John McBain." Evangeline could no longer look him in the eyes. This wasn't at all how she expected things to go. Half of her wanted to just turn tail and run, but the other half wanted to stay and fight. "I came here to be honest with you and tell you how I really feel. All this fighting hasn't been one sided. I share in the blame because I've been trying to convince myself that we are just a temporary thing. I don't push you to commit, because I'm scared."
"Oh really," John hadn't intended to sound as snarky and surprised as he did. Evangeline had pushed for them to be exclusive and later for them to further define their relationship. They clearly had different views on commitment. "I am committed to you, Evangeline, and no one else."
"That's a lie, John, and you know it. There's your work, your family...your friends," Evangeline paused for effect. John was a loner who didn't really have friends, except for Natalie. "As much as it pisses me off, I understand, John. I really do."
"So, clue me in." John leaned back against the sofa with his hands behind his head. He stared at this woman that he really wanted to be with and couldn't understand why he was fighting so hard against her. She wasn't wrong. She rarely ever was.
"You are just as scared as I am. Why wouldn't you be? We're this totally unlikely pair, but we fit so well together. In my wildest dreams, I never would have put us together." Evangeline put her hand on his leg gently. "For so long, I was chasing this dream of what I wanted my life to be. Then, I got tired of running. That's when I met you, and I started to question everything I thought I wanted in life. Now, he we are, and, despite everything, I'm happier than I ever thought possible. When we're not together, I think of you. At the end of the day, I can't wait to be with you. I'm not scared, anymore, of what I feel for you. I'm scared about what you might not feel for me."
"You are the woman I want to be with." John still wasn't able to vocalize his feelings better than that. "I know I can work on showing that better, but I am trying. I'm trying because I want this." John leaned in and kissed her tenderly.
Evangeline pulled away before the kiss intensified. She could feel John's frustration. She took his hands in hers and looked him in the eyes. "I said some stupid things, because I thought it would protect me from getting my heart broken. I put up these walls to keep you out. I wanted to be this tough girl, you know. Now, it's too late for that. I can't run from what I'm feeling anymore." John pulled his hand from hers and stroked her face. "John, I'm in love with you."
"Hey, John, I need to talk to you." Natalie burst in suddenly. She observed the intimate scene and felt no guilt for interrupting.
Evangeline rolled her eyes at Natalie's timing. In the past, she'd pushed John to help Natalie to prove that she wasn't jealous. That had backfired because Natalie was always in trouble. This time, she would keep her mouth shut. Though, it would clarify some things. If John left her to tend to Natalie's issue, she would know exactly what that meant for their relationship.
"This isn't a good time." John spoke to Natalie, but he kept his eyes trained on Evangeline. John heard Evangeline's words, but they didn't quite register. He was still holding his breath. He was waiting for a 'but' that never came. He could feel his own tears that he was now holding back.
"John, it's about Cris. You were right, okay? Something is wrong with him." Natalie was annoyed that Evangeline was still holding John's attention. Something had changed, but she wasn't sure what it was.
Natalie's continued presence eventually brought John back to reality. He looked between Natalie and Evangeline and knew he needed to draw a line in the sand once and for all. "He in trouble or did he do something? Do you think he's an immediate threat to himself or someone else?"
"Not that I know of. He's just been acting strange. I'm really scared for him, John. I can't lose him again." At John's insistence, Natalie had come to him about Cris's problems. That was making matters worse since Cristian didn't like John's relationship with his wife.
John took Evangeline's hand in his and squeezed it gently. Her speech from before about jealousy played again in the back of his mind. "Look, if he's not an immediate threat, there's not going to be much I can do. We can talk about it later, but now isn't the time." He directed his attention back to Evangeline. She was looking at him skeptically.
"I'm only here because you were so worried about me being with Cris, and now that I'm here you're blowing me off." It really hadn't taken a lot for Natalie to betray her husband's trust. She had feelings for John, and they didn't go away just because Cris came back. "Evangeline, maybe you can help me then." She tried to use a low-down trick to get John to cooperate.
Evangeline smirked. Natalie's attempt to manipulate the situation had been further proof of how poorly both she and John had handled Natalie and her problems. "I don't think it's appropriate for me to interfere in your marriage. If this is really something serious, you should talk to Bo." Evangeline looked over at John to read his reaction. She couldn't quite interpret the look on his face.
"Uncle Bo?" Natalie sounded confused and offended.
"He should be in his office." John looked at her one final time to dismiss her.
"You know what? Fine. I won't ask for your help again." Natalie stormed out and slammed the door behind her.
Normally, this is where Evangeline would recognize that Natalie was in trouble and that John would just worry about her if he couldn't run to her side. For the first time, John wasn't falling over himself to help her, so she would just leave it alone.
John looked at the door for a moment before returning his attention to Evangeline. "About what you said before. To me, you know, it's amazing that someone like you could ever fall for someone like me." John finally found his own words. He stroked her face again and wished they were in a private setting. "I never would have put us together either, but I'm happy that we're together. Maybe I'm not as good with the words as you, but there's no one I want to be with more than you."
Evangeline smiled wide. She didn't expect that he would be able to say the same so easily, but he took an important step in the right direction. He stayed with her instead of running off with Natalie. "I just wanted you to know how I feel."
John nodded and kissed her again. "Right now, I want to take you home so that I can show you how I feel."
Evangeline felt warm all over. They had never had a hard time connecting physically. "You sure you're not going to be needed around here?"
John shrugged. He easily put in sixty hours a week and frequently covered for others. He wouldn't feel guilty for slipping away so shortly after arriving. He'd make the time up later. He slid his hand between her legs and stopped short of touching her intimately. "Right now, I'm needed elsewhere. Besides, I think the LPD can handle a few hours without me." John kissed her quickly to make sure she wouldn't question him any further.
Evangeline's admission wasn't a cure-all that would fix all the problems between them, but it was an important step in the right direction. Now that John knew how she really felt, he wouldn't keep holding himself back. He would give her all that he was. Hopefully, that would be enough to keep her happy.
"Then we'd better get going, lieutenant." She spoke in a low whisper. Then, she took him by the hand to lead him out of the station. For now, everything was perfect in her world, but she knew it wouldn't be that way always. John was the man that she wanted, and she was willing to fight to keep him.