Chapter 224
Tegan sat down next to Lindsey on a picnic blanket and kissed her on the cheek.
"You're quiet today" she said.
"No, I'm not" Lindsey smiled. "Oh sweetie your bump is all blue" said Lindsey inspecting Casey's goose egg. Casey laughed.
"Well at least she looks happy" said Tegan and gave Casey a quick peck on the cheek.
"Ryan no! Come back" Tegan yelled. Ryan laughed and ran away.
"Here we go again, I'll be right back" Tegan sighed and jumped up to catch her son.
Tegan sat down laughing and squeezing the boy on her lap.
"You're getting really fast" she chuckled, panting. She kissed Ryan's hair.
"You need a haircut" she smiled ruffling his shaggy hair.
"I like the longer hair" said Lindsey.
"Uh… yeah so do I, but… it just looks un-neat. Maybe just a trim?" said Tegan.
"Sure, whatever you want" said Lindsey and lay back on the picnic blanket.
"Linds? What's up?" said Tegan looking taken aback.
"Nothing sweetie" said Lindsey.
Tegan looked at her for a few long seconds before touching her cheek softly.
Lindsey turned her face away and started becoming emotional.
"Boo… talk to me" Tegan whispered.
Lindsey took a deep, shuddering breath and closed her eyes.
"Can we take a walk?" asked Lindsey.
"Sure, let me get the kids in the stroller… they'll enjoy it, maybe we can go past the ducks" said Tegan.
Lindsey helped Tegan put the kids in the stroller.
"We're going for a walk guys. See you later, if you want to go back go ahead, don't wait for us" said Tegan.
"Sure, take security with you" said Sara.
"Of course" said Tegan.
Lindsey pushed the twin stroller and Tegan jogged to catch up with her. She put her hand on Lindsey's and they walked in silence for about 15 minutes.
Tegan looked into the stroller. "Elvis has left the building" she smiled. "Both are out".
She gently put the backs of the seats down and covered the kids' legs with a thin blanket. She pulled the sun visor down.
"They're so filthy" Tegan laughed looking at the dirt smeared over their faces.
Lindsey looked on the verge of tears suddenly.
"Lindsey talk to me… what's going on?" said Tegan sitting down next to Lindsey on a bench.
Lindsey put her hands in front of her mouth and took a deep breath.
"Take your time" said Tegan rubbing her back.
"He's back Tee" Lindsey said with a trembling voice.
"Who's back baby?" Tegan asked.
"My uncle Ralph… he got out of prison a week ago"
"But… How?"
"Good behaviour I guess… fuck, I don't know" said Lindsey burying her face in her hands.
"He's not going to hurt you again… ever, I'm going to make sure of that" said Tegan, her arm protectively around her wife.
"Has he contacted you?" asked Tegan.
"No… the cops did. Apparently they're obliged to contact the victim. Haven't heard anything from him, but let's face it, it's not as if my number is freely available" said Lindsey.
"Maybe he's smart and he stays away" said Tegan.
"Maybe" said Lindsey and took a deep breath.
"How long have you known?" asked Tegan.
"They called me this morning, right after the head bumping incident"
"I'm right here for you okay… always" said Tegan and put Lindsey's head on her shoulder and squeezed her hand.
"It'll be fine… its okay" said Lindsey sounding scared.
"Its okay baby… he won't hurt you again" said Tegan.
"You know what…. Fuck him…. Fuck him!" Lindsey said loudly and started crying again.
"Linds… I'm sure there are parole conditions. He's probably not allowed out of San Diego at all. We'll get a restraining order if we need to, we'll up security. He's not getting anywhere near you or the kids"
"I guess… Listen Tee… I don't want you to worry about this okay. It just… it took the wind out of my sails this morning but it's nothing. My logical mind tells me it's nothing, I'm completely overreacting" said Lindsey.
"I love you… and you're not overreacting… and it's my job to worry about you" said Tegan pulling Lindsey into her arms.
-o-
That evening Kate and Saxon sat in the hotel restaurant catching up. Amelia was giving Sara a bit of trouble falling asleep and Sara didn't want to leave a fussy baby with an already flustered Kirsten. She promised to join them as soon as Amelia went down. Jade, Sax's partner was also on her way. She had been a bit delayed on a shoot that afternoon.
"How are you feeling Morgan?" asked Sax after hugging Kate hello.
"Not too bad. Pain's a lot better. Everything… downstairs is on track. So yeah, good" said Kate.
"Happy to hear that. You scared the crap out of me" laughed Sax.
"Oh since when does a little appy scare you?" joked Kate.
"Since it wasn't intact anymore… and since it was yours" said Sax seriously.
"Thanks again Sax… I owe you" smiled Kate.
"Nah, just doing my job. So, you and the rock star seems to be all loved up" Sax grinned.
"Ha… the rock star" laughed Kate.
"She's lovely Kate" Sax smiled.
"She is isn't she? Gorgeous, talented, kind and so, so smart. She challenges me every day" said Kate.
"That's good, you need an intellectual equal"
"I'm head over heels for her" Kate smiled and started studying the menu.
"So… guess what Morgan. Looks as if we're moving to LA" said Sax.
"Sorry, what did you say?" said Kate looking up from the menu.
"We're moving to LA. Jade's a film maker and film makers end up in LA at some time of their lives I guess" sighed Sax.
"Wow… how do you feel about it?" asked Kate.
"I hate it actually… Manhattan's in my blood… and I helped build that trauma department and now I have to just up and leave" said Sax throwing her hands into the air.
"Sax… I know this place is your life but there's some fantastic trauma departments in LA too you know. They'll all fall over their feet for you. Maybe a change will do you good" said Kate.
"I don't know… guess I just hate change" said Sax.
"It's going to be fine… You won't believe how amazing it is to have a yard and a pool!" laughed Kate.
"She needs to make this move. I love her… I'd move to hell for her if I had to" said Sax.
"Kind of guessed as much" said Kate smiling.
Sax blushed.
"Who are you thinking of as replacement?" asked Kate.
"Why? Are you looking for a job?" smiled Sax.
"No… I'm a big old, soft California girl now" said Kate.
"Well… the only two people I trust impeccably to do this is you or Quinn Maguire" said Sax.
"Oh yeah, she'd be amazing" said Kate.
"Only thing is, she's playing house down in Philly" said Sax.
"I called her not to long ago to catch up. She sounds so happy, I'm glad it worked out for her. After that… thing with her heart and all… To be honest, I didn't think she'd operate again and here she is, heading a level one trauma centre"
"Gfff…. You two, I feel like a father who wants to hand over the family business but the kids aren't interested" said Sax shaking her head. "Are you sure you don't want to do it? Think about it Kate, it will be an amazing opportunity"
"Hmmm, I'm pretty sure… but give me a day or so to think about it?" said Kate pulling up her shoulders.
"Deal" Sax smiled.
"Sinclair listen to me… St Micheal's will be fine" said Kate leaning forward and put her hand on Sax's arm.
"Ugh… I don't want to leave it but I have to… it's tearing my insides apart"
"That's exactly how I felt when I left here… I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't easy for the first couple of months and I actually have family in LA. But it turned out being the best thing I've ever done. Just saying" said Kate.
"I'll be moving away from my one family member that care about me" said Sax referring to her elderly aunt.
"Well… you can always take her with you" said Kate.
"I guess… Anyway, I'll figure it out" said Sax.
"And Sax… you're my family, soul family. Never forget that" said Kate.
"Thanks Kate" said Sax sincerely.
"There's Sara" said Kate, face beaming and stood up.
"My love" said Kate taking Sara's hand and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"Always so chivalrous" said Sara softly and winked at Kate.
Kate smiled.
"Nice to see you again Saxon" said Sara.
-o-
Tegan lay on the bed staring at the TV. It was so soft she couldn't hear a thing. The day had taken it out of her, more so than a day filled with interviews. It surprised her. Since the head bump incident that morning Tegan could not put the thoughts of popping just one pain pill out of her mind. Lindsey's revelation that a ghost from the past was back put her even more on edge. The anxiety meds were fine, they helped her but they didn't give her the high after the low that pain pills did.
Lindsey came out of the bathroom and shook out her wet hair. "It's all yours" she smiled.
"Thanks" Tegan mumbled but didn't get up.
"You okay?" Lindsey asked pulling Tegan's chin up.
"Yeah, of course" Tegan said quickly and gave Lindsey a half-hearted smile.
Tegan stepped into the shower a few minutes later and let the hot water pelt her tense shoulder muscles. She took a couple of deep breaths. "Don't be a fucking loser Quin…. You can do this" she mumbled to herself.
Twenty minutes later Tegan came out of the bathroom wearing a robe. Her cheeks were very rosy.
"Boo you're looking flushed. You okay?" asked Lindsey.
"For god sake, Lindsey… Yes! Give it a fucking break, I'm not a child" Tegan said loudly.
Lindsey held her hands up in defence.
"I need some air. I'll be on the patio if you need me" said Tegan pulling the robe closed.
Lindsey turned, buried her face in a pillow and let out a frustrated scream.
Tegan plonked down on one of the recliners, the cool evening air of the spring evening cooled her face.
"It's okay…. You're okay Tegan… its okay" she mumbled to herself. She put her face in her hands. "And Lindsey's okay… nobody's going to hurt her again… ever" Tegan sat up and took a deep breath. She felt tears running down her cheek and she wiped them away, annoyed.
She lay back and the thoughts came back again… "Just one pill… just one"
Tears started slowly crawling down Tegan's cheeks. She looked up and saw Lindsey standing in the doorway carrying two baby monitors. She quickly turned her face away.
Lindsey sat down in front of her on the deck chair and took Tegan's hand in both of hers.
Tegan looked up and Lindsey wordlessly wiped a tear from Tegan's cheek with her thumb.
"Want to talk?" she said softly. Tegan sighed and looked down. She could feel her heart beating hard and fast in her chest. She took a shuddering breath.
"I… how do I say this… I…" said Tegan and took a deep breath. "I want drugs Linds… I really, really want a fucking pain pill right now… and I don't know what to do about it" said Tegan, hands shaking in Lindsey's.
"Oh sweetie… This is expected. You're not just over it with the snap of your fingers. But you know what… You're doing it… what you're doing now is how you do it I would imagine… One day at a time Tegan… you're okay" said Lindsey and took her wife's face in her hands.
"I don't even know why… why today" said Tegan.
"Hey…. Shhhh, you know it started off really hectic. Casey getting hurt really rattled you… and then I drop that bomb on you. Sweetie… You're doing great… you can do this! You do not need those pills… you don't" said Lindsey softly, her forehead against Tegan's and her one hand entwined in Tegan's hair.
"I do… I really do" Tegan cried and put her head on Lindsey's shoulder.
"We're going to get through this okay. You and me babe" said Lindsey softly into Tegan's ear.
"Me and you" Tegan whispered and closed her eyes. Tegan's sobs intensified and she shook in Lindsey's arms.
"That's okay baby… I'm here" whispered Lindsey, also in tears.
"I'm sorry… I'm not sad… I'm just… god I'm…. overwhelmed… by… by everything, things are conflicting… things are… I don't know, I'm a bit stressed, worried… but I'm so incredibly happy… I'm so in love with you… with our kids. It's as if I don't know what to feel anymore because I'm feeling it all at once" Tegan sniffed.
"I understand sweetie" Lindsey whispered and rubbed Tegan's back up and down.
"You're amazing…. I love you" said Tegan.
"I love you too" said Lindsey.
"I'm sorry about this… you must think I'm losing my mind. I don't know where this came from. All of a sudden… out of the fucking blue… I really don't know why the fuck I'm crying. I mean seriously… crying?" said Tegan wiping tears away with her shirt sleeve.
"I don't think anything sugar… I just love you… everything about you, even when you're a bit cray cray" laughed Lindsey.
Tegan snorted.
"I want you to cry… it's good for you… cry it all out babe…. Just let it go, all those built up emotions" said Lindsey.
Tegan gave another sob which caused Lindsey to break down too.
"I just want to hold you" whispered Tegan into Lindsey's ear.
"Move over" said Lindsey through another sob and lay down next to Tegan. She put her head on Tegan's chest.
"When I'm upset this is all I want to do…. Listen to your heart beat. Because as long as it's there I know everything will be okay… we'll be okay" said Lindsey holding Tegan's hand.
-o-
Tegan felt somebody shake her shoulder and grunted.
"Guys… Tegan, Linds wake up" Sara said softly.
"Huh? what the… where?" mumbled Tegan.
"You guys can't sleep out here, go to bed" said Kate.
Tegan yawned and opened her eyes.
"Why not?" she said.
"Because a bird may poop on you okay… go to bed" said Kate.
Tegan sat up and rubbed her aching back.
"Ouch… must have fallen asleep"
"No shit" said Sara.
"Who wants hot chocolate? I saw they stocked some gourmet stuff in the kitchen" said Tegan stretching.
Tegan got four eager yesses and headed inside to the kitchen.
"I'll help" said Sara and followed her sister in.
In the kitchen light, Sara saw Tegan's swollen, red eyes.
"Tee… are you okay? Have you been crying?" Sara asked and took Tegan's face in her hands to inspect it.
"I'm fine okay… just had a bit of a… purge" said Tegan.
"Why were you crying Tee?" said Sara, concerned.
"Sar" Tegan sighed. "I just… got overcome by emotion okay… good, bad all of it" said Tegan.
"You okay now?" asked Sara.
"Yup" said Tegan heaping hot chocolate into mugs, not looking at Sara.
"Come here" said Sara and pulled Tegan by the hand for a hug.
"Don't get me going again please" said Tegan but hugged Sara back.
"You'll be okay… just breathe" said Sara still hugging.
"Thanks Sar" Tegan sighed and laughed awkwardly. "So how was dinner?" asked Tegan.
"Great. I really like Sax and her partner. Had a long chat about a possible documentary about us" said Sara carrying two mugs out.
"Really? That sounds… interesting" said Tegan raising her eyebrow.
Sara sat down next to Kate and handed her a mug.
"What sounds interesting?" asked Kate.
"Oh that's right, you and Sax missed the whole conversation because you were too busy exchanging war stories" said Sara and rolled her eyes.
"Huh… Sar, it's what we do" said Sara.
"Yeah well it's boring as fuck to your partners" said Sara.
Kate gasped audibly. "I thought you found it interesting" said Kate.
"I do… when you tell me the story… like I'm just a normal person that don't understand all of this. But with Sax you get all technical and full of jargon and nobody without a medical degree understands a word you're saying. In fact most people WITH a medical degree probably won't" said Sara rolling her eyes.
Kate snorted and shook her head. "Sorry babe… we get carried away sometimes. I haven't talked surgery in ages. I guess I just miss it" said Kate.
"Yeah yeah… lucky for you Jude and I hit it off" said Sara.
"I noticed that" smiled Kate.
Tegan and Lindsey drank their hot chocolate in silence.
"Lovely evening right" said Sara when the silence got uncomfortable.
"Sure is" said Lindsey.
"You ready for tomorrow Tee? Big TV interview" said Sara.
"I guess" said Tegan.
"Tegan… are you okay bud?" asked Kate and put her hand on Tegan's back.
"I'm perfectly fine… thank you" said Tegan and shrugged away Kate's hand.
"Uh… okay" said Kate.
"I'm sorry, I'm just tired" said Tegan.
"You feeling okay? Let me check your glands for a sec" said Kate.
"Geez Kate… I know you miss work but don't take it out on me… goodnight" said Tegan storming into the suite.
"What the… is she okay?" asked Sara.
"I think she's… she's fine guys, don't worry about it" said Lindsey and got up.
"Linds?" said Sara.
"Really Sar… I've got her. Goodnight" said Lindsey.
A/N: What happened in Lindsey's past that's coming back to haunt her now? Is Kate considering moving back to NY? Will Sara even consider it? Is Tegan alright, she seems to be taking things a bit rough right now. Stay tuned for another chapter today.