Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I am merely having fun with her characters.
Author's Note: HUGE shout out & thank you to my beta dolphin62598 for getting these chapters back to me so quickly! And another big thanks to my pre-reader teacher1209 for reading over these and giving me her thoughts! Another BIG shout out and thank you to LunaEclipse17 for creating the kick ass banner for this story! You can check it out on my Facebook page. I also have other pics posted for this story in an album called A Lie Upon Your Lips on my Facebook page. Song Inspiration for this chapter: Wide Awake by Katy Perry
Chapter 19
BPOV
Wide Awake
TWO MONTHS LATER
Tony and Claire were now two months old. We were at home enjoying every moment. Edward was still in Phoenix. He refused to leave…not that I minded.
He was still renting a hotel room close by and he was over at my apartment every single day helping with the twins. His parents had been back and forth since we came home and one of the times they came they drove and brought him a lot his clothes and personal items.
I was taking a six-month maternity leave from the hospital. I know around six weeks was the normal but with two babies to learn to take care of I wanted to have longer with them before I went back to work. It also helped that their grandfather, the greatly respected Dr. Carlisle Cullen had many strings he could pull. Edward was helping with any bills or anything needed to give me this time to be able to stay with them before going back to work. I appreciated that more than he could ever realize.
Everything had been so busy with raising these two beautiful little humans that Edward and I still had not really had that major discussion we needed to have. We just kind of fell into this groove.
For the first few weeks after we were all three home from the hospital, everyone here had decided they were going to take turns staying with me and the twins each night. Each night alternated with my mom and Phil, Alice and Jasper, or Rose and Emmett.
After about the first week or so of this, Edward asked me if he could be the one to stay one night because he would love to be with the babies overnight to help me. He also had a crooked grin on his face as he told me how incredible our children were and he could not bear being away from them more than he had to be.
I jumped at the chance to give him that opportunity and selfishly to be able to spend time with him. And just like that, he was added in to the overnight rotation…sleeping on the couch of course.
Oddly enough, he had become really good friends with Jasper and Emmett. The three of them were thick as thieves as they say.
One thing weighing on my mind was when was Edward going back to Forks?
Was he going to move here?
Could the four of us be a family?
Did he even want that?
Did I want that?
He had been so perfect since…well honestly since his first arrival to Phoenix. He had done everything right.
He gave me space when I first kicked him out of my apartment. He was there immediately as soon as he was told the twins were his. And he had not left us since. But would he leave us eventually?
Today was the day that I decided to ask him.
I went in to the kitchen to start my day and came across the most beautiful sight. Edward was in the kitchen cooking breakfast with Tony and Claire each in their bouncers watching their Daddy work.
I stayed back for a few to listen and watch him interact with them.
"You see, Mommy really loves bacon. It's her favorite thing in the world. Well…next to you two." He laughed at his own joke as he said that.
Our son and daughter were cooing at their daddy. I could completely get used to this…every day for the rest of my life. Was that too much to hope for?
I could not get ahead of myself. There were so many things we still needed to talk about before we made any rash decisions about anything.
I took in the beauty of my children as I observed from afar. They were so completely beautiful. Edward was right when he said that first day that Tony looks just like me and Claire looks just like him.
It looked like Edward was cooking bacon, eggs and French toast. All of my favorites. I noticed that every time he had a pause in cooking while waiting to turn something or for something to finish cooking, he would go over and kiss Tony and Claire on the forehead or play with a rattle with them or anything to interact with them.
I could see the love and adoration on his face when he looked at them.
Would he ever look at me that way again?
Our relationship started out so screwed up. How could we possibly ever recover from how it started?
I shook my head from those thoughts and decided to make my presence known. I entered the kitchen and cleared my throat. Edward's back was to me and he turned around abruptly with a spatula in his hand.
I laughed.
"Good morning," I said as I walked over to Tony and Claire and kissed them both good morning. "Good morning my brightest sunshines."
"Hey, good morning Bella. We were just making you breakfast."
"I see that," I said with a huge smile. "Thank you so much for letting me sleep in a little bit and taking care of Tony and Claire."
"Of course! That's what I'm here for and I love spending time with them." He got quiet and continued, "If I'm being honest…I absolutely love it when it's my turn to spend the night with them. I miss them so much every time I have to leave here."
I nodded.
It was so sweet…what he said…but he said…he loved when it was his turn to stay with them…that he missed them when he had to leave.
Not us…as in me as well.
As we sat down to eat, the twins became fussy. They had already been fed and changed so we figured maybe they needed some mommy and daddy snuggles. Edward held Claire on his lap while we ate while I held Tony.
I decided now was when I was going to ask my question.
"So…when do you think you might be going back to Forks?"
He chuckled nervously, "Trying to get rid of me already, Bella?"
"NO!" I said a little too loudly. "I mean, no, not at all. I just know you have a life to get back to so I was wondering how long we…I mean Tony and Claire would have you here. We still haven't really discussed how we are going to make this work."
He nodded and a slight look of frustration crossed his face. "I'm not sure, Bella. All I know is that I need to think things through and make some plans."
"What kind of plans?" I asked quickly in response.
There…that look of frustration on his face again.
"Plans that include my children."
I nodded my head in agreement not knowing what else to say at that point. He was being very clear. Plans that included Tony and Claire…not me. He was here for them. That was the most I could hope for and I was thrilled that my children had a father who loved them and wanted them so much.
I felt some tears trying to come so I held them back long enough to excuse myself and say that Tony needed to be changed.
I went to the room the twins were sharing for now and laid my sweet boy on the changing table. He smiled up at me and babbled some of his baby words. One look at him and the tears were no longer a threat. How could I cry in the face of such perfection?
At that moment, I made up my mind. I was no longer going to try to focus on the hope that the four of us would be a family. I would spend my time being the best mom ever to these sweet little babies and allow them as much time as possible with their dad.
As far as a relationship between Edward and I, I was going to let the chips fall where they may.
The day had been relatively uneventful. We spent the majority of it hanging out with the twins and sleeping when they were sleeping. Edward slept on the couch like usual and I slept in my bed.
We were sitting on the floor playing with Tony and Claire on their new play mat we had bought for them in the early evening. Edward and I were sitting across each other with the babies in between us. Tony was closest to Edward while Claire was closest to me. Edward was being silly and started acting like Tony smelled really bad like he had soiled his diaper.
He was pinching his nose and being overdramatic as I leaned over and pulled his onesie and diaper up to check for myself. I laughed and said, "It was gas Edward. He must have just farted on you. You're so overdramatic." Neither of us could stop laughing.
I was on all fours still leaning towards him and we were locked in a trance staring at each other as the laughter stopped. Things suddenly got more serious and I felt as if all the air had left my lungs as I started to bite my lip.
I took a slight breath and felt his hand brush a piece of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. He leaned in towards me and I closed my eyes. I just knew he was coming in for a kiss.
This was it.
He was going to kiss me…oh to feel his soft, wet lips again. That would be divine.
Just as our lips were about to meet I heard the front door open and Alice's voice. Edward and I pulled apart from each other so fast, like two teenagers who had just been caught making out by their parents.
"Hey everyone! Where are my favorite niece and nephew?" Alice cooed. Her voice stopped short a bit and she eyed Edward and I like she knew what had just transpired. She bent down and scooped up Claire first. She nuzzled her nose and said, "Hi Claire, it's Auntie Alice. We are going to have so much fun tonight!"
Then she handed Claire to Jazz and picked up Tony and nuzzled his nose as well. "Oooh hi my sweet little macho Tony, you and Uncle Jazz can have male bonding time tonight while your mom and I have girl talk." She looked right at me with her eyebrow raised as she said that.
Yep, she definitely was on to us.
"Well…I guess this is my cue to head back to the hotel for the night," Edward said as he stood up. He took Claire from Jazz and gave her a ton of hugs and kisses and then traded her for Tony from Alice and did the same to him. "Daddy loves you both and I will see you in the morning bright and early," he said happily.
He grabbed his duffle bag from the couch and placed his hand on my shoulder where I was sitting and said softly, "Bella. I'll see you in the morning. Have a good night." He smiled his crooked grin that I fell in love with. I sheepishly smiled back at him and nodded. I felt like a school girl who suddenly went mute in front of her crush because of nerves.
"Jazzy, why don't you go walk Edward down to his car?" Alice suggested as she sat down on the couch with Tony. I had Claire in my arms now and Alice patted the couch beside her. "Bells and I are going to chit chat while you're gone."
Jasper smiled knowing what his wife's intentions were. "I'll be right back."
"Take your time!" Alice called to him as he and Edward left the apartment. Then she turned towards me. "Okay, what gives? How are things going? I know Jazz and I interrupted a moment when we got here. I just know it!"
I could not handle getting my hopes up again over something that wouldn't come to be, so I played it cool. "There was no moment, Alice. We were just playing with the babies. Besides…he doesn't want a relationship with me any longer. He wants to be a dad to our children and that's that. He loves them only…not me."
Alice then smacked my arm so hard it startled Claire. "Ow! Alice! Why are you hitting me?"
"Bella, you have to be a complete idiot if you do not see that that man loves ALL three of you!"
There was no way…was there? He had said nothing to that effect and a part of me wondered if we would ever be able to get past me lying to him about his children once we actually discussed it. But…I just lied to Alice. We did have a moment before they barged in. I just knew he was about to kiss me. We were so close to that kiss, I could almost taste his lips on mine already.
Yet, he made it very clear he had plans for him and the babies. Not the four of us.
Still, I felt in my heart that something was happening here. Perhaps he didn't want to lay all of his cards on the table where we were concerned as a couple, just yet.
"You're wrong Alice," I said as I shook my head. I could not give in to the temptations of hope. I shook my head. "No, he has made his intentions very clear and they do not include me."
At that point, Jasper walked back in asking, "What's for dinner? I'm starving."
Alice rolled her eyes at me and followed him into the kitchen with Tony in her arms. I smiled down at Claire. "Your Auntie Alice is crazy, yes she is."
I held her close to me and hugged her tight, taking in every inch of her baby smell. Edward loving Tony and Claire had to be enough. I wanted him to love me too but if I gave into the dream that he could love me again and then he didn't I was afraid it would break me.
Then again, Edward had changed a lot. Every action he had taken since he first arrived in Phoenix made me feel as if the three of us were his main priority. He hadn't even gone back to work for crying out loud.
Perhaps it was time I opened my eyes and went full speed ahead, completely wide awake to what I wanted. So much had kept us apart and held us back for too long as it was. Didn't we both deserve happiness?
I agreed with my earlier thoughts of letting the chips fall where they may. But one thing was for certain, I was going to stop getting in my own way of happiness. Maybe I should put some feelers out to Edward and let him know that I was an option along with our son and daughter. If he let me know that was what he wanted as well, who was I to deny him?
Oh, what a tangled web we had weaved for ourselves.
There had to be a way back for us…there just had to be.
Author's Note: You know what to do! When this story is completely finished, I will post a final playlist for it.
Story Recommendation: The Long Walk by CCullen1978