You know the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished."?
Well, let me tell you, that saying is so true. Why, just the other day, after much begging from my best friend Jose, I talked Christian into taking him golfing.
"Don't ever ask me to take one of your friends golfing again, Ana!" my husband chastised me as he stormed into our house later that afternoon.
"What happened?" I asked him, but it was too late. He had already stormed his way upstairs.
Jose slowly walked in next. He looked so sad. I raised my eyebrows in the universal sign for, "WTF?" and he raised his hands in the universal sign for, "Girl, you don't even want to know."
It seems that on one hole, Jose hit his ball into the woods. When he walked to retrieve it, he saw a man hugging a tree with his ear up against the bark.
"What are you doing?" Jose asked the strange man.
"Listening to the music of the trees," the man answered.
"I don't believe you," Jose said, not believing him.
"You don't have to believe me," the man told him. "Listen for yourself."
So the man extracted himself from the tree, and made the universal sign for, "Go ahead. See for yourself." And that's just what Jose did.
Holy crap!
When Jose put his arms around the tree, the man slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, trapping him where he stood. Jose cried out, but it was no good. In seconds, the man stole his wallet, his car keys, his watch, and all of the other jewelry Jose was wearing, which, being Jose, was pretty substantial. Just for laughs, the crook stripped Jose naked.
Then he left.
Jose stood there for hours, yelling his head off, but no one heard his cries for help. To tell the truth, this being a golf course for the rich, I think they just ignored him. Just when Jose was about to give up hope, another golf ball came bouncing into the forest and landed miraculously at his feet.
"Thank goodness!" Jose cried, as a wayward golfer came wandering up, in search of his lost ball.
"What the heck happened to you?" the golfer asked, surprised at finding a man stark naked and handcuffed to a tree.
So Jose told him his tale of woe. At the end of Jose's sad story, the golfer shook his head in sympathy and walked behind him.
"You know," the golfer told Jose as he unzipped his fly, "this just isn't your day."