Took awhile to make sure everything lines up with canon. Hope it does.
April 8
I hated Rose Hathaway.
I'd known girls like her. Rose thought she knew everything and was so above the rest of us. I knew what she really thought of me, and I shuddered to even think about the words crossing her lips. Blood whore. She had no right to interfere with my love life tonight. Poor Rolan… Who knows what that man Abe did to him? One of his bodyguards had said something to Rolan, who then looked back at me fearfully before leaving me alone.
I heard Rose outside the room knocking and calling "Viktoria!" in a loud whisper.
I yelled at her to go away, told her that she wasn't my sister. I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk. I tore the clingy red dress from my body as quickly as possible, but it grew hard to see what I was doing with tears clouding my vision. I thought I heard the dress tearing, but it didn't matter. I wouldn't wear it ever again.
As much as I wanted to curse Rose for ever coming here, forever acting like she was part of our family, I couldn't help but think about what she'd said about Rolan and Sonya. It couldn't be true, could it? Rolan, who said he loved me, would have loved Sonya if they'd been together. He wouldn't have abandoned her and her future child. But maybe Rolan, the Moroi pig who'd left me tonight without a goodbye would have. I didn't know what to think about him anymore. Maybe Rose was right, but it didn't make her actions any more palatable. I knew I couldn't ask Sonya about him, and I wouldn't. Tonight, I just wanted to cry myself to sleep and not think about Sonya or Rose or Rolan or… Dimka. My brother had always done the right thing. If he'd been on Rose's side tonight or on Rolan's, I'd have known for sure what was true. But I would never get to ask him.
April 9
I cleaned myself up early the next morning, wondering what I would say to Rose. I had to leave for school in about an hour. I'd woken up thinking more clearly than the night before. I'd said some things to Rose that I knew I shouldn't have. Whether Rolan loved me or was the svolach Rose had made him out to be, it shouldn't have mattered. We were sisters now. Dimitri would have wanted it that way. I went out of my way to pick out an outfit that didn't hug any of my curves, electing for a slouchy sweater and straight cut jeans. I quickly ran a brush through my hair, separating the brown and golden locks until they neatly fell over my shoulders. I swallowed my pride and went downstairs, thinking of how to break the ice with Rose.
My mother, Olena, was in the kitchen, finishing up breakfast. It was odd that Rose wasn't there already - I didn't know if it was my mother's cooking or food in general, but Rose was always ready to eat.
"Good morning, sweetie," she greeted me in Russian. I looked into the living room. Sometimes Rose liked to stare at the bookshelf or the buildings outside our window. I never knew why, but I suspected it had something to do with Dimka.
"Mama," I called back to her. "Where's Rose?"
She frowned, as if she weren't sure how to respond. "Rose… had to leave."
"Did you send her on an errand?"
"She's off on the next part of her journey." The old Russian voice made me turn around. I hated that my grandmother could sneak up on us. It made me worry I wouldn't be able to hear a Strigoi if the day came when I needed to fight.
My stomach dropped. "Babushka, tell me you didn't make her leave!" It came out as more of a plea than an accusation. If Grandma Yeva had sent Rose away, I could be mad at her. I could be furious. But if she wasn't responsible, then it had been my fault.
Yeva shook her head. "She had already left last night before I knew it was time for her to move on. I had to catch up with her to say my goodbyes."
She'd gotten to see Rose leave, but I hadn't. I wanted to know if she'd look hurt or upset. I wanted to know if I'd been the reason she left. All I could say was, "Why?"
Olena looked sadly at me. "Viktoria, we both know Rose had to leave eventually."
"Trakhni menya," I swore under my breath. That earned me a swift hit on the head from Yeva and a look of surprise from my mother.
I didn't care. Even though she'd come to us with horrible news, Rose had been a blessing in disguise - a new sister. And in just one night, I'd driven her away, along with any further connection to my brother that only she could have told us about.
April 14
Getting back into the habit of schoolwork at St. Basil's was nearly impossible. I'd spent my first week back obsessing over thoughts of Dimitri when I walked the halls and over my guilt for Rose when I went to bed.
Nikolai found me deep in thought one afternoon before lunch. "Viktoria, there you are!"
"Hm? Oh, hey." I wasn't trying to be dismissive, but I also didn't feel like talking to anyone lately.
"Are you alright?" The Russian words came easier to Nikolai. Though most of St. Basil's students spoke English, teachers spoke in both languages and church services were conducted entirely in Russian. It was easy to slip back and forth for older students like us who'd gotten used to the system.
"I'm fine."
"You seem troubled."
I scrunched up my face. It was a stupid understatement, and I fought from snapping at him. "Yes, I am. I don't want to talk about it, Nikolai."
He looked hurt, but I didn't understand why. They were my feelings, after all. I tried to change the subject instead. "Are you looking forward to becoming a guardian?"
I knew that he was. He'd talked about it for ages, about the high profile Moroi he'd be guarding some day. So it was a surprise when he hesitated.
"I don't know if I will." I stopped walking, and my own guilty feelings receded for a moment.
"What do you mean?'
"Denis said after I graduate… I can go with him."
"Eto prosto pizdets!" Nikolai visibly jumped at my swear. "Nik, you can't. You've wanted to be a guardian all your life. Do you know how lucky you are? I would love to be a guardian."
"No one is stopping you."
I scowled. He was deflecting me, and I didn't appreciate it. Still, I couldn't help but think about my own dream. Every time I'd seen Dimitri after becoming a guardian, he'd looked so fierce, so invulnerable. I thought about how he'd defended us from our drunk of a father, an Ivashkov who hardly came around these days. I'd only been about six or so when Dimitri punched him for the first time, and even though I didn't understand the full situation, I knew my brother was always going to protect us.
It turns out that last part wasn't so true. Now he was gone. No one could protect us. Rose was like him - she'd thought she was protecting me from Rolan. Maybe she was right. That instinct was something guardians had. It was an instinct I had. Even so, I knew that my duty was in Baia, to my family. Between Sonya and Karolina, there would be plenty of children to look after, and my mother had her hands full trying to run the home. No, being a guardian wasn't a reality for me. I focused my attention back on Nikolai.
"You're going to get yourself killed!" I hadn't realized I'd switched to Russian again, and I thought the harshness in my voice sounded like Karolina when she'd scolded Denis and the other Unpromised.
"It's not your decision," he responded just as curtly. He shook his head. "But if I did become a guardian, I would have a chance at going somewhere new. Somewhere far…"
He stared into the distance as if he were picturing some distant place. I wondering where he was interested in going - Italy, France, the Royal Court in Pennsylvania?
"You want to travel? You don't want to work for a Moroi close to home?"
He brought his gaze back to the hall. Back directly to me. "Viktoria… is there a reason I should stay here after I graduate?"
My breath caught as the question hung in the air. I started putting together what had him so moody. I'd always thought that Nikolai had had a crush on Marina Morozova, but his insistence on me going to her Easter party had clearly been something else. Maybe some part of me knew he'd been harbouring feelings for me, but I had pushed it aside and written it off as friendliness. He was asking me point blank now if there was something between us, a reason to stay in Siberia.
I didn't know. I took his features in, trying to actually imagine it. I'd had a crush on his brother Denis when I was fourteen, and looking at Nikolai now, I didn't see why it should be any different to like him. He had the same tousled bronze hair and dark brown eyes. His skin was slightly tanned like many dhampirs, and his baby face had definitely grown into something sharper and more handsome in the past year or so.
"Nikolai…" I sighed, not sure what I'd say. "I think -"
"Hey," Guardian Popov's voice boomed down the hall. "Novices! Didn't you hear the bell? Group training has already started." His accent was thick, the enunciation of certain sounds sounding neither Russian nor American. He was hard to understand no matter what language he spoke.
Nikolai and I hurried down the hall without a word, and I was grateful to have the reprieve from our conversation. Still, I couldn't help but turn around once Popov had looked away. I thrust my fist in the air, my thumb tucked between my first two fingers in the rude figa gesture. "Asshole," I grumbled.
April 28
Denis came home today looking as pale as a Strigoi. Half the dhampir community was gathered now outside our family's home, similar to the memorial we'd had for Dimka just a few weeks before. This meeting was more somber, ironically. None of us spoke as Denis recounted what had happened since we'd seen him last at Easter.
He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Karolina gave him a grunt of disapproval. He looked back at her, his words sharper than his eyes. "If after this, you think I don't deserve smoke, I'll toss the whole fucking box in the trash."
He didn't look injured, but the distance in his eyes made it clear that whatever he'd experienced in Novosibirsk was worth a lifetime supply of smokes. When he finally spoke again, we hung on his every word.
"So Hathaway gets us all orderly. She has us train every minute we're not on patrol. It feels good, feels like being a real Strigoi hunter. In days, she's got us defaulting to her like we'd been following her lead for years. And we start taking down Strigoi with ease. The kills are clean with her. We don't make mistakes."
He stretched out on a small stone bench. Mother had learned long ago that our yard needed plenty of seating. We always seemed to be hosting something or other. Another reason she needed me here.
"But here's the wild thing," he said in English. "Rose wasn't interested in killing Strigoi."
People murmured in English and Russian. It didn't make any sense.
"She'd killed plenty before, probably more than she'd let on. At first I thought she was just sharing in the glory, like a good leader, but then we realized it was something else."
He looked around at our enraptured faces, and I swear there was a smirk in the corner of his mouth. Whatever was haunting Denis, it was also giving him the attention and respect he craved from his peers. I didn't even care. I needed to know what happened.
"We began to capture Strigoi. We tortured them. Hathaway wanted to know if any of them knew Dimitri."
He shot each member of my family a sympathetic look in turn, and when his eyes met mine, I felt hesitation, like all the attention in the world wasn't worth what came next. He continued on anyways.
"She started sending messages with them. She told them to tell Belikov that she was hunting him. And we let them go. We turned multiple Strigoi loose to spread the word. I don't know whether it was insane or romantic. A widow hunting her love to put an end to him."
He shook his head. "It wasn't as if she told us all that, of course. But it wasn't hard to figure out. For us, the thrill is in the hunt. We were there to cut their numbers, to pile up Strigoi bodies and rid our country of evil. But for her… killing Strigoi was an annoyance. Like flies to swat before she got to the prize."
He puffed on his cigarette again, casting his gaze to Karolina. "So, have I earned a fucking smoke?"
My sister said nothing. I knew she didn't care about the cigarettes. We were both thinking of Dimitri.
"Did..." my mother started softly. She hadn't spoken this whole time, and she sounded like she was afraid of what she had to ask. "Did she find him? What happened to Rose?"
Denis took a deep puff of the cigarette, and the warmth drained from his face. "She disappeared."
May 8
School has been strange all week. I've heard lots of whispers from the teachers and campus guardians. People are worried that the guardian numbers are dangerously low after the attack on St. Vladimir's and the attacks on the royals last winter. I thought it was old news, but new rumors have come up, some saying Queen Tatiana is planning on lowering the age of dhampirs before they are made guardians. Some say we'll all be drafted, even in places like Baia and the blood whore communes. It's all outrageous, but the only rumor that bothers me is one from a merchant who swears he saw Dimitri in Novosibirsk. I try not to think about that one.
There has been one silver lining in all the gossip of the Moroi and dhampir world - news of Rose. When I'd heard she was alive, I didn't dare believe it. I'd lost a brother, and losing my new sister was something I dreaded but had prepared for. It wasn't until I'd heard the news from Mark and Oksana that I knew it was true. Rose was alive and back in the United States. I hadn't realized how heavy my worry had been until I'd talked to them. But almost immediately, the weight crashed down on me again. If Rose was alive, that meant she had info about Dimitri, information I couldn't get. Had she found him? Had she killed him? Would I hate her more if she'd done or or if she hadn't? I didn't know.
May 24
Nikolai and I haven't spent much time together lately. We never finished our conversation, and as much as both pretend to ignore it, time is running out. He hasn't decided whether to join the guardians or be Unpromised. I haven't decided whether I want him to stay for me or not.
I thought it was a simple question - do I like him? - but the more time I gave to the question, the more it confused me. I liked him as a friend, but was there something else. I always felt lighter around him, a little less worried about my life, as if he were lifting a weight from my shoulders each time he spoke to me. Was it friendship, love, or something in between?
I tried not to bother him, knowing that he was studying for finals and the trials. It wasn't right for me to ignore him, but I knew it was more distracting to be on his radar if I didn't have a definitive answer for him.
Why did it have to be so complicated? It was simple when I'd been into Rolan Kislyak. He flirted with me, I flirted back. If I had lost my virginity to him, whether there were real feelings between us or not, it would have been simple. Now I spent nights in bed thinking about sex with my best friend. Sometimes it was awkward, and sometimes… sometimes I really enjoyed thinking about it.
Another thought crossed my mind this morning - even if I decide I want to be with Nikolai, could I tell him? Would I be encouraging him to stay Unpromised? It wasn't right, and I decided even though I still had to sort out my feelings for my own sake, I couldn't tell him to stay. He had a future outside Baia, one I couldn't share with him.
June 27
Nikolai took his trials today. He passed with ease. He's getting his promise mark tomorrow, and then he's going to Court and requesting an assignment far from here. Far from me.
August 1
News has traveled fast, and not without contradictions. There was a new age decree, and though plenty of interpretations of the law had made their way to us out in Baia, one thing was clear - I wouldn't be going back to school in the fall. I had been a senior and hadn't known it. I didn't know whether we'd get a commencement ceremony as well.
Another fact. The Queen had been murdered and Rose had been made a suspect. I didn't believe that for a minute. I couldn't believe that anyone who'd ever met her could either. It just wasn't in her eyes. I did believe the newest reports that said Vasilisa Dragomir was the new queen. We'd been following the elections closely, and our family had all been pulling for her. I even had a shirt that read "Bring Back the Dragon" in Cyrillic lettering, which Denis had brought me from Moscow at my request.
There were questions about whether the Dragomir queen would enforce the age decree. Regardless of how she treated it in the future, the way the law was written all but guaranteed my year would be affected. Maybe she could reverse for future dhampirs.
The last rumor was about Queen Vasilisa as well. There were murmurs about Strigoi being restored by spirit, by the Queen herself, but out this far in Siberia, we took stories like that with a grain of salt. Plus, if it were true, it would be something else to put my family at unease. We'd accepted that Dimitri was gone. My mother didn't need to have false hope.
August 12
When Mom had first gotten the call from Rose, she'd nearly woken up the whole neighborhood with her screams. Rose had thought it would be better to hear the news from her rather than immediately surprising her with Dimitri's voice. When he spoke to her, she cried out in joy. I'd never seen Olena so overcome with emotion.
We stayed gathered together after that trying to make sense of it all. Rose wouldn't lie to us, and that voice definitely sounded like Dimitri. It shouldn't have been so hard to come to terms with, but after what felt like a lifetime since losing him, we simply couldn't process it all. Not to mention the fact they would be visiting us soon. We counted down the days anxiously, waiting for that final confirmation he was among the living again.
I didn't sleep last night. I stayed by the living room window for hours. I didn't know what vehicle they would pull up in, so every car that passed made my heart leap. There wasn't much darkness in the summers, so the waning light meant a late evening for those on a human schedule. I spared a glance to look at the chair where Dimitri always liked to read. Would he really be sitting there again soon? When I turned back to the window, I almost missed them. Two figures - one about my size, and one very tall - were walking up to the door.
I bolted without thinking, without speaking. I burst through the front door and reached them in the space of a heartbeat.
"Dimka!"
I jumped and threw my arms around Dimitri's neck. He caught me with ease, though he was surprised for just the briefest moment before returning the warmth. I wondered if he'd expected me to be the first one out to him.
"Oh God, it's you. It's really you. She found you. She didn't kill you! But how? How? Was it the Queen? Did she save you? I should have been a better sister to Rose. I know you would have wanted it that way, but I failed you. I drove her away. Oh, Dimka, you're real. You're really real. You're home. Oh God, I didn't think I could do it without you. I can't protect the family. I missed you. I'm so sorry."
I didn't even know what I was saying. I blurted out every thought my mind had been struggling with for months. He held me tight and kissed my cheek.
"I'm here now, Vika. It's okay. I'm here. I love you so much. You did protect them. You kept them safe when I couldn't. Thank you, malyshka."
I sobbed. I didn't know if he meant it or not, but he was the only person who knew how much those words meant to me. Maybe Rose would get it, too.
Rose.
I dropped out of my brother's arms and cried out as I rushed over to her. I pulled her tightly to me. My brother had been restored to me, but so had my sister.
"I'm so sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to make you leave. I was wrong. I thought you were dead! And then they said you killed the Queen, but I didn't believe them. Now Vasilisa is Queen - why aren't you with her? Never mind, I don't care. You brought my brother back. You did that. I love you, and I'm so sorry."
I realized that I hadn't said a word of it in English, and that meant I'd have to go through this emotional apology all over again. Sonya, Karolina, and Olena were out here now, though, so I decided I would make my speech again later.
Soon we all found ourselves hanging onto Dimitri or Rose like they might float away if we didn't hold them tight enough.
"Come in, come in," Olena said in English. "Let's sit down and talk."
Our family as whole again. Rose and Dimitri got to meet Sonya's baby, who hadn't been born when Rose was here last. Dimitri sat on the sofa, and the others had already surrounded him. I fumed, but instead of causing a scene, I leaned myself against his knee like I was a child again, as if nothing existed except my big brother. And for the rest of the night, that was true.
August 18
I was annoyed that I didn't get more time with Dimitri. He and Rose (along with Mark) went off on some Strigoi hunt at the behest of an Alchemist who was bugging my mother for help. Granted, I practically volunteered Dimka for the task, but if I had known how long it would take, I would have volunteered, too. None of them would have allowed it, but it made me understand the reason the Unpromised did what they did.
When they returned, we gathered together once more as a family and had a pleasant time until Rose and Yeva got into it again. Rose was growing impatient with Grandma's talk of prophecy - which was both useful and annoying as far as I was concerned.
I shook my head in amusement and started to drift into thoughts of Nikolai, whom I'd sent an email a few days ago but hadn't heard back - and then Yeva spoke again.
"I see a wedding in the future."
I clapped my hands together, taken in by the one romance I knew for certain was meant to be. "Oh! Rose and Dimka!"
Karolina and Sonya nodded excitedly along with me, apparently thinking the same thing. Rose tried to protest, suggesting that Karolina would be next, but we were all already too caught up in fantasies of white dresses, bright flowers, and moonlit dancing.
September 9
Nikolai wrote to me today. I didn't get to read it right away. All the dhampir students in my year were being forced into extra classes to prepare us for trials. In light of the age decree, the academies were allowed to give us a crash course that would end in a specially scheduled set of trials at the end of the month. Those who passed would be enlisted in guardian service like the graduating class had been.
I was grateful that Rose had spent time with me before she left to help me train. Dimitri was being pulled in every direction by the others, so it gave me and her the chance to reconnect.
"The age decree is all bullshit," she complained. "Lissa wants to get rid of it, but she needs another way to calm down its supporters. Apparently yours truly here is too good of an example as to what young dhampirs can do."
She gestured to herself sarcastically. "So I'm sorry I got you into all this."
I shook my head. "It's not your fault. I know that. But I want to be ready for the end of September when they do the next round of trials."
Rose looked uneasy, as if she didn't know how to ask something. "Why does… why does it matter to you? I thought you told me you had to come back home after you graduated anyhow."
There it was. The problem that had been nagging in the back of my mind. I knew I had an obligation to my family, but didn't I have a duty to the Moroi and the dhampirs as a whole?
I continued warring with myself on the issue even today in group training. Guardian Popov yelled at me from across the room. "Belikova, if you break someone's arm again, I'm going to run out of novices to spar with you!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I wasn't that sorry. Maybe it was Rose's lessons in never holding back, but I thought that if the other novices couldn't hold their own against me, they might be better off sitting out on trials this time around.
It was until evening that I finally got the chance to read Nikolai's email. It was short, but it made my heart leap.
Greetings from Rome. I'm sorry about the decree. You will be top of your class in trials. Make Baia proud, Vika.
September 30
The trials were difficult. At least that's what my classmates kept saying. I didn't think they were so bad.
The first task was to defeat a "Strigoi" in one-on-one combat. Group training didn't make me break a sweat, and this was simpler than that. My opponent, a guardian I didn't recognize, lunged at me furiously, looking like he might actually try to rip my throat out. I sidestepped, then spun around and slashed out with my stake. It caught him in the back, enough that a real Strigoi would have been in serious pain. He cried out accordingly and ran back at me again. This time, I ran towards him, sliding at the last minute between his legs. The guardian froze in confusion, and when I kicked his knee in, he yelped in a genuine surprise and fell over. He turned over from where he was on the ground, and before he could act, my stake found its mark in the protective plate on his chest.
The guardian got to his feet and gave me a quick handshake before limping off. I blew the top of my stake the way a cowboy in Dimitri's novels would blow over a smoking gun. That got a reaction from the crowd, which was surprisingly packed. The trials normally attracted a lot of attention, but this was a special event as far as Moroi were concerned. They wanted to see if the decree would be validated, if novices could truly be ready to serve before turning eighteen.
I didn't disappoint. I fought through what felt like a dozen guardians, sometimes defending a "Moroi" or figuring out how to beat an opponent without my stake. By the end, I was tired, but not as much as I'd expected. Maybe kicking ass was hereditary, and I wondered which parent or grandparent had blessed Dimitri and me with such good Strigoi-killing genes.
That evening, I received my promise mark along with about half of my class. It was a far cry from the pass rate St. Basil's usually had, and I wondered how the statistics would be reported to the royals at Court.
Mom cooked up a storm for me, and Karolina poured me a "special vodka shot," which seemed like regular vodka with a slight hint of something flowery infused. We talked for hours before the tone shifted.
"Well," Olena spoke softly. "I'm sorry you'll miss your final year, but it'll be nice to have you around with baby Katya in the house."
I didn't say anything to that. Sonya seemed overjoyed to have some relief, but Karolina and Yeva grew tense.
Karolina stood and touched Sonya's shoulder. "Sonya, could you take a look at something in the kitchen?"
"Oh, later, Kalya -"
"Now."
Sonya stood and followed Karolina out of earshot, leaving me in a Mexican standoff with three generations of Belikova women.
"Oh, just tell her!" Yeva snapped, rolling her eyes as if she were bored.
"Tell me what?" My mother looked concerned, and I didn't know how to tell her what was on my mind.
"I think… I might want to be a guardian." I met her gaze, willing myself not to look away. Olena didn't guilt trip me, but sometimes she looked so sad it was hard to deny her anything.
"I thought… you would stay home with me. With your sisters. We planned for that."
I shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "I know. I just don't know if that's right for me."
She smiled sweetly as if she understood perfectly. "Rose and your brother make it look very glamorous, but it's a dangerous job. And I know you're still excited about today. But the guardians don't leave for Court for a few more days. There's no need to decide on anything now."
I opened my mouth to retort, but Olena had already stood. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
My mother had an infuriating habit of avoiding difficult things like this by deflecting. Usually it was with cooking, but this was worse. I let her go, and Yeva stood to go to bed, eyeing me as she left.
October 4
I woke up with a knot in my stomach. The clock had run out, and today I would make the most important decision of my life. I'd packed a bag - just in case - but hadn't committed to any plan of action. The novices in the area who'd passed the September trials would all be flying out from Novosibirsk in just a few hours. It was now or never.
I sat on my bed, still in the tank top and shorts I'd slept in. As far as "now or never" goes, I sure wasn't doing a great job at the now part. I realized that I would stay in this decision-making purgatory until I made a call I'd been putting off. I didn't have a cell phone of my own - not much point when you never leave Baia except for school. Besides, we never had a lot of extra money for things like phone bills. Instead, I reached under the bed and pulled a burner phone from under the bed. I'd bought it for an emergency - something Rose had suggested - and figured this was as important as anything. With a great deal of difficulty, I removed the phone from the packaging. I felt proud of myself for having the foresight to get a burner with international calling as I dialed a number that I had committed to memory.
I didn't know what time it was where I was calling, and I held my breath waiting for the answer on the other end. Luckily, I didn't have to wait long.
"Guardian Belikov's line. Badass goddess Rose Hathaway speaking."
In the background, I could hear a deeper voice yelling. "Roza! You can't answer my work phone like that. I could get into serious trouble, and so could you."
"With who? We're in tight with the Queen."
There was a shuffling sound as Dimitri took the phone. "Belikov here."
"Dimka, it's Viktoria."
"Vika?" His voice pitched up in surprise. "Is something wrong?"
"Why did you become a guardian?" The words came out quickly.
"It was my duty. Standing up to our father was the only time I'd felt in control, and I thought I could make a difference by being that source of power for someone else."
"What am I going to do?" I sighed, lying back on the bed. "Dimitri, should I do it? The other novices leave for Court today."
There was a long pause before he spoke again. "You don't want to stay home?"
"No. But I know I have a duty to the family to stay and help Mama and Babushka."
"Why do you want to be a guardian?"
I started to think, but then the words found themselves bursting from my lips without my encouragement. "Because I have to be. I need to be like you and Rose. If I stayed, I would help others the way Mom and Karolina do. I need to help others outside Baia. And more importantly, I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be like Sonya and work a pharmacy job and need someone to watch my baby. I mean, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I just can't imagine any life where I have to… where I can't…"
"A life where you can't help yourself."
He said it so simply and so clearly, but it voiced exactly how I felt deep down, and I knew he must have had a similar conflict when he'd left home all those years ago.
I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me. "I have to go, don't I?"
"I think you know what to do, malyshka."
There was a shuffling, and I heard Rose's voice again. "Hey, so first of all, I'm trying to decide on how I want to be addressed professionally. I'm thinking 'Younger Guardian Hathaway,' 'Guardian Hathaway 2.0,' or just 'Goddess Hathaway'."
"I think Guardian Belikova would sound better," I teased, knowing she was easily annoyed by my insistence on her marriage to my brother.
"No dice, V. That's your title. Now get your ass on a plane to Court."
No one was awake as I hauled my bag through the living room. I scrawled a quick note containing my love and a promise to call from America. I stepped outside in a hurry and nearly knocked over my grandmother.
I paused, not sure what to say. She gave me a wink and nodded in the direction of the road. I hugged her and ran as fast as I could.
Baia does not have its own airport. Getting anywhere with a plane would require driving, which is why I spent the next part of my morning in a car with Mark. He'd been the first person I could think to ask for help, aside from Denis who was out of town this week on a hunt. Unfortunately, we weren't exactly next-door neighbors, and by the time we were on the road together, I knew I probably wouldn't make the flight with the others.
We drove in silence for awhile, but eventually curiosity got the better of Mark. "Why me?"
I continued staring out the passenger side window, but I brought my focus back into the car. "Figured you were the only one crazy enough to be up this early."
"Viktoria." His voice was gentle but firm. No joking. Got it.
"You were a guardian. I figured you would understand."
"Why are you joining them?"
I turned and faced him. "Why did you leave them?"
He looked a bit taken aback but answered seriously. "The life I wanted was at stake. I had to."
"Exactly." I waited for him to look at me, and when his blue eyes met my dark ones, I could see understanding and a bit of sadness.
"So wise. What happened to that bright-eyed child? That sweet Vika who used to help Oksana in the garden?" His tone wasn't disappointed, just nostalgic.
I leaned my head back against the window. "A lot of shit happened to her this year."
I had Mark drop me off at Krasnoyarsk International Airport. There was no way to make it to Novosibirsk before the others left, so it was up to me to book my own flight. As we parted ways, Mark handed me a wad of cash and gave me a quick hug. "Make us proud," was all he said before driving off.
I'd never flown before, so it came as a surprise to me that after many hours of walking in circles, sleeping in small bursts, running for connecting flights, and being yelled at by flight attendants, I somehow made it to Pennsylvania. I'd gone to the wrong city, granted, but that was small potatoes in comparison to what I'd managed to do on my own. I had helped myself. And once I sorted out ground transportation and was through the front gates of the Royal Court, I knew I had made the right choice.
October 8
Bids soon began for the best of the new guardian class. Rose had blessedly given me an outfit, one of her guardian black-and-whites. I had offered to return it after the selection, but she'd just laughed.
"I live in a palace now, V. I've got more clothes than I could ever wear thanks to her royal Dragomir-ness."
The ballroom where the bidding took place was full. Top assignments had already been taken by guardians like Nikolai in the graduating class ahead of me. The Moroi here now were minor royals or from important families who might not have had the opportunity for a guardian if not for the age decree.
There was no pleasing any of them. Some wanted an older, more experienced guardian. Some wanted the novelty of a sixteen-year-old to test the age decree to its limits. Some thought my Russian accent was too strong. Some liked my language skills but were disappointed I was from Siberia specifically. Too short, too thin, too new, too awkward. The only time someone engaged with me was when they recognized my surname and asked if I was related to Dimitri. I got a few bids from these people, and for that I was grateful, even though I didn't like the nepotism.
I downed another glass of wine (the only perk of the process so far) and almost decided to call it a day when two figures strolled up to me. I straightened up and put on my best smile. The man was older, still handsome but with greying hair. He wore a sweater vest and khaki slacks. The woman looked ready for a garden party in her floral sky blue dress. She was much younger than the man, and I prayed she was his daughter or a colleague. The age difference between my brother and Rose was one thing, but this would have been a bit much for my tastes. She had long natural red hair that reached just past her shoulders. Her eyes reminded me of the way the ocean actually looks in person - not just one color but a beautiful muddling of greens and blues.
"Dad!" she exclaimed, the one word making me breathe easier. "I don't need a guardian."
"Now, Joanna, don't be rude. This young lady was top of her class." The man offered his hand, which I shook politely. "Giles Conta."
"Viktoria Belikova."
Joanna's eyes widened. "Are you related to Dimitri Belikov?"
"Guardian Belikov," Giles Conta corrected.
"He's my brother," I said through gritted teeth. I was getting tired of being Dimitri's sister, which was a surprise even to me.
"Cool," she said simply, and I was grateful she didn't swoon like some of the other Moroi women had. "If you know him and Guardian Hathaway, you've got to be pretty amazing yourself."
I smiled, genuinely this time. It was the first time someone had complimented me today and not the heroics of Rose or my brother.
"Guardian Belikova," Giles Conta interrupted. "I'm very impressed with your record. My daughter and I are not exactly… supporters of this new age decree, which is why I think you might be interested in my proposal."
Joanna let a polite smile flick at the corner of her lip, but her eyes told me that this sort of lofty speech was typical of her father.
"I am the dean at Rosenberg College in Santa Monica, California. My daughter here has just started there this fall, and it would make me feel much more at ease if she had a guardian." Giles Conta wiped his glasses on his shirt.
"I can understand that," I said plainly.
"I've been allowed to request a guardian because of the importance of my work, and you would technically work for our family as a whole. However, it is in everyone's best interest, I believe, if you focused your efforts on accompanying Joanna, both in and out of school."
I spared a glance over to Joanna, and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her polite demeanor matched the other royals I'd met today, but underneath that exterior, what was she thinking? Was she warming up to the idea of having a guardian? She'd seemed impressed by my namesake, but would that be enough to land me the job?
"Because you are unable to finish your final year in school, I would like to offer you admission to Rosenberg alongside my daughter. Because we are a Moroi college, there are some guardians already assigned to the campus. You would take some of the same classes as Joanna, though it is safe enough on campus that I feel comfortable with you taking an elective or two of your own."
I hesitated. "Wouldn't I be a year behind? And haven't classes already started?"
"Yeah, are you even eighteen?" Joanna asked, more curious than accusatory.
"I turn eighteen this month," I blushed.
Giles cocked his head slightly. "I checked your transcripts. You were holding a 3.7 GPA through this last term. I think you would be just fine in a few freshman seminars… if you're up to putting in the work."
"Yes, sir," I said without hesitation. Whether they offered me the position or not, it was important to me that my reputation included words like 'ambitious' or 'dedicated'.
"Very good, and please just call me Giles." Giles shook my hand again, seeming very pleased with the conversation. "I've already placed a bid for your services, Guardian Belikova."
"Thank you, Giles," I beamed. I looked over to Joanna, and she extended her hand politely.
"You can just call me Jo," she offered. "If I must have a babysitter, I hope that it'll be you."
The two turned, and as they walked away, I went over to one of the senior guardians on duty.
"Hey, Brunner. Can I see my bids?"
He handed me a paper with a short list of names and their salary offers. The Contas were offering slightly less than a few others, but the chance to go to college was too much to pass up. I handed the sheet back.
"Contas. Tell them I accept."
October 16
Today was my birthday. I received calls from my family, Dimitri and Rose included. My mother wasn't particularly chatty, still not thrilled about my leaving without a proper goodbye. I was even pleased when I heard from Nikolai.
"Happy birthday, Vika."
"Thanks. How's, um, Rome?"
"It's incredible. You ought to see it sometime."
I took a deep breath. "Maybe you could show me around some day."
He was silent for a while. "Viktoria… I'm sorry about… how I left."
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you an answer sooner. I miss you."
I thought I heard him swear in Russian under his breath. "Vika, I… I'm seeing someone."
"Oh." I dug my fingers into my knee, trying to relieve some of the sting from his words.
"It's not that serious, I just thought -"
There was a noise in the background and muffled chatter. "I'm sorry, Viktoria, I have to go. Lord Zeklos is ready to leave."
"I understand," I said back coldly, but I didn't understand at all how Nikolai could have shifted his affections from me so soon.
That call had put a damper on the afternoon, at least until I heard a knock on the door. I was staying in one of the freshmen dorms on Rosenberg College's main campus. Giles Conta had arranged for Joanna and I to be roommates, but I was grateful that we each at least had our own room.
I opened the door, and Jo greeted me, hands outstretched. In her hands, I saw a medium sized brown box with 'louboutin' written across the top in a loopy font. Even I knew what was inside.
"Happy birthday, Viktoria," she said sweetly. Jo and I hadn't had much time to get acquainted but something in her nature made her want to connect with me, even if she hadn't initially been on board with my position as guardian.
"Jo, that's… you really didn't have to."
"But I wanted to," she said firmly, setting the box in my hands. "Look, I know I was a bit rude when we met, but I want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing."
I looked down at the box in my hands. "Hell of a gift for someone you barely know."
She shrugged. "Then let's get to know each other. Throw on those shoes, and let's go out. Do you have something to wear?"
I told her I did, but a quick examination of my closet told Jo that I was dead wrong. She took me to her room and rummaged through her closet. Jo's room had come straight from a Target ad with fairy lights and a framed sign reading "live, laugh, love."
She picked out a couple dresses that might look good on me. I turned down a tight red one that made me think of Rolan Kislyak. Jo finally got me into a simple black cocktail dress that looked amazing with the patent leather pumps she'd just gifted me. Red flashed on the bottom of the shoes each time I took a step. I looked hot.
Jo tried to find jewelry to compliment the look, but I declined, instead wearing a simple silver bar necklace. It didn't have any special meaning to me, but it was mine, and that felt like an important piece of the ensemble. I also picked out a white purse of my own, mostly for practicality. I didn't have a place on my body to conceal a silver stake, so into the medium-sized handbag it went.
"You don't have to bring that," Jo said dismissively. She now wore an emerald green dress that somehow both hugged her figure and also flowed around her like a delicate vine. "It's a Moroi bar just off campus. The bouncers are guardians - totally safe."
I threw the bag over my shoulder. "Just in case then."
And then, something else hit me. "Did you say bar? I just turned eighteen, not twenty-one. You don't have fakes for us, do you?"
Admittedly, I would have been down for this plan most of the time, but being new to the job, I was worried about ruining a good thing. If I got caught with a fake ID, would that be a mark on my record? Would Giles fire me?
Jo shook her head. "No need. They don't card royals, and you're with me."
I didn't know if that made me feel better or not.
I was more anxious than I realized on the walk to the bar. No one was out, and nothing alerted my senses, but I still worried about my efficacy as a guardian in my dress and Louboutins. Mercifully, we reached our destination in just minutes. A big sign outside the bar read "Anastasia's" and in smaller lettering underneath, "BAR". The bouncer at the door looked us over.
"IDs," he said simply. He held out his hand, but Jo shook her head. "Conta," she informed him and bared her fangs. The dhampir bouncer nodded and motioned us in. The bar was bigger than the club I'd gone to Rolan with, bigger than any bar or club in Baia. Moroi and dhampirs alike danced together in a large open area and took shots at booths along the walls.
"There's dhampirs here," I said dumbly. Mixed company wasn't that common in Baia, and when it happened, there was a certain stigma that came with it. Even at St. Basil's, the overlap between Moroi and dhampir social circles was never quite like this.
"Yeah?" Jo looked confused, then must have realized what I'd meant. "It's college, Belikova. People can be very liberal."
She led me to the bar, where we sat on stools in between two other girls. Jo introduced us. "Sofia, Trish, this is my -" She caught herself, apparently considering how to introduce me. "This is my friend, Viktoria."
"Charmed," I nodded politely, giving my brother a run for most concise speaker of the year.
The girl on Jo's other side, Trish, lit up. "OMG! Is this the new guardian? I can't believe your dad -"
"Trish!" Jo scolded, and I thought I saw a flash of anger for the time since I'd met her. "We're being nice."
She didn't say anything else, but it was enough to subdue Trish. "I need to hit the girls' room," she said finally. "Someone order me a shot of tequila."
"Long island for me," Jo added, not addressing Sofia or I specifically. She followed Trish off to wherever the restrooms were, and I made note of the direction in case I needed to track her down later. Stay on alert, I reminded myself.
Sofia laughed, and I turned, noticing her fully for the first time. For a moment I thought she was a dhampir, but her slight frame told me otherwise. It was rare for Moroi to have a darker complexion, but Sofia had a light tan and black curly hair. "Sorry about Trish."
I nodded as the bartender, a fair-haired dhampir, came over and asked for our orders. Sofia gave him her choice, and then I told him what the other girls had asked for.
"And for you?" He hovered, waiting for my answer.
"I'm not drinking," I said at last. I needed to keep a clear head.
He started to walk away, but Sofia stopped him. "Hang on, James." She then turned to me. "Hey, newbie, relax." Sofia touched my hand sympathetically, as if she can read my thoughts. "Just do one to loosen up, and there's no pressure after that. Not from me anyways."
I smiled in spite of myself and met the bartender's eyes. "Vodka," I said simply.
"Vodka and what?" James asked as he made the other drinks.
"Vodka," I said again, not sure what other answer he was looking for. Both he and Sofia stared at me, and then James broke into a grin. "I like her," he told Sofia.
"Me, too," Sofia concurred.
"Whose tab?" James asked, walking over to a small register.
"Put it on Trish."
He laughed but put in the charges without question. I couldn't help but notice he'd only put in three drink orders.
"I can pay for mine," I offered, not sure of the etiquette of the situation.
James shook his head as he poured a double of a top shelf vodka and set it in front of me. "It's on the house, miss."
"Viktoria," I announced as I brought the drink to my lips. It was weak compared to some of the homemade alcohols I'd tasted in Baia, and I sipped it casually without breaking eye contact.
I set the glass down and looked over at Sofia. It wasn't clear who was more stunned - her or James.
James went down to the far end of the bar to take someone's order, and Sofia laughed - no, giggled. "Well, that was steamy," she remarked.
"I - uh, what?"
She rolled her eyes. "You knew you were flirting, right?" A new thought crossed her mind, and the look in her eyes was curious. "Unless you don't… like men."
I nearly choked on the vodka. "I… yes, I do. I mean, I wasn't, but I do."
Sofia ignored my flustered response and simply shrugged.
My cheeks flushed, but before I had time to overthink the situation, Jo and Trish returned, happy to find drinks waiting for them.
Jo eyed me. "Is that vodka?"
"Yeah."
"And what?"
By the end of the evening, the girls had talked me into two more drinks and were all more interested in me than their (what I assumed was) normal gossip. Jo and I parted ways with the others, and Sofia left me her number in case I wanted to hang out again.
As we walked down the street, I was pleased to find I wasn't drunk. There was a buzz, sure, but like I said, the drinks here were nothing like what I'd grown accustomed to back in Siberia. Jo talked excitedly about how much fun I was and how great of friends we were going to be. I chatted with her about the future until a shadow caught my attention.
My hand flew for my purse, which I realized wasn't on my body. Fuck.
The Strigoi was on us before I knew it. He was very tall and very fast. I'd seen a Strigoi only once before when Dimitri was home one summer and walking me home from the store. He'd easily dispatched a Strigoi lurking in an alleyway, a Strigoi that had been staring directly at me. The memory of that deathly white skin and red-ringed eyes was something I hadn't forgotten.
The fear rushed through me, rooting me to the spot. The Strigoi lunged for Jo, but something about my new friend shrieking in fear made my body spring to life. I tackled the Strigoi, knocking him off course. He didn't fall and took only a moment to rebalance before reaching out to grab me. A quick kick to his knee staggered him again, and I knew I had to think fast.
I pulled the heels off and felt the weight in my hands. I could fight in them but maybe I could fight with them. The Strigoi now realized I was a threat and had his full attention on me instead of Jo, which is what I wanted. He came at me again, and I jumped up, lodging the heel of the shoe into his eye. He screamed in agony, and I took the opportunity to gain the advantage. I looked behind me for the bar and was grateful that Anastasia's was still in view.
"Go!" I shouted, and Jo took off. I still had no way to kill this Strigoi, but as long as I could keep him distracted, she could get safe. They come first.
I tried to pin him, but the Strigoi was too strong. He threw me off and made a break for it. I jabbed the other heel into his calf, which definitely slowed him down.
We circled each other, each looking for an opportunity to strike. We took turns lunging at the other, sometimes landing blows and sometimes missing. I could feel blood pooling in the corner of my mouth. I spit it out and tied my hair back.
"I'm going to be really pissed if you kill me on my birthday."
The Strigoi gave me a cruel smile but was knocked to the ground before he could attack again. My savior, I realized, was the bouncer from the bar. Jo had sent reinforcements. If I survived, I'd have to thank her for not leaving me to die. He swiped his stake across the Strigoi's face, which made the monster recoil in pain.
The bouncer guardian was on his feet now beside me. He surveyed the critically injured Strigoi and then glanced at the back of my neck. "You do it, kid," he said, offering his stake to me.
My eyes went wide. "You sure?"
He shrugged. "You did the hard work here."
I took the stake and poised myself over the Strigoi, who wasn't even looking at me. I thrust the point into his heart and made my first kill. Happy birthday to me.
November 2
The next month with Jo had its ups and downs. The big down of course, was the fallout over the attack on my birthday. Giles had somehow found out and lectured us both on undersage drinking. My idiotic behavior aside, I think he was impressed enough by my ability to make my first kill under the influence, and so he didn't make any more of a fuss than that. It also probably helped that Jo took a lot of the blame for me.
Things were tense after that. We didn't talk at all for about a week, and I think we both were just unsure of how to move on. I didn't leave the house unless it was to class or to follow Jo around on her errands. A few more days passed after that, and Jo finally confronted me. I was getting out of the shower when the bathroom door opened abruptly. We each had our rooms, but we still shared a bathroom.
"Hey, do you - Oh, a shower, that's a good idea…" She began removing her clothes then apparently remembered why she'd come to speak to me.
"Look, I never thanked you. I'm sorry."
I was taken aback. We hadn't addressed the situation directly since Giles had dressed me down in his office. "Y-you're sorry?"
"I was pushy about the drinks. I didn't even think you needed your stake. I shouldn't have made your job more difficult."
"I'm the idiot who left it at the bar. It's my job to protect you - you don't have to do anything you wouldn't normally do for my sake."
She shook her head, and a ringlet of her red hair fell forward. "I invited you out because I wanted to be your friend, but I wasn't a very good friend. If you promise to do your best to look out for me, I'll do my best to be a better friend. Is that a deal, Guardian Belikova?"
I smiled at the use of my title. I held out my hand to shake hers, but she pulled me into a hug instead. Look, I grew up with women. I'd had roommates at St. Basil's. I wasn't exactly bothered that I was wearing nothing but a towel and that my new charge was hugging me in her undergarments… But that being said, I did think it was one of the stranger reconciliations I'd ever had. "I don't want to dwell on what happened. It was terrifying, and I still have nightmares about those red eyes… but I just want to look to the future. We're gonna have some fun, graduate college, and then after that…"
She paused, and I wondered if she was editing her future plans to account for a guardian in the mix. "Well, after that, I don't know. If you haven't gotten tired of me by then, we'll figure something out."
Things got better after that. We spent more time together and even met up with Sofia and Trish from time to time. I refrained from drinking except for the occasional beer or hard lemonade while at home on campus.
Halloween came quick, and I found myself at a loss for what to wear. Jo planned for us to go to some frat party on campus, which I decided was safe enough - Strigoi encounters would be unlikely, and I could punch any frat boy with ease if it came to that. Jo suggested that we coordinate and wear a couple's costume, which made me blush at the turn of phrase. We spent an afternoon at a nearby party store and brainstormed what we could do. Finally, Jo asked, "How do you feel about something… controversial?"
When we arrived at the party, I was still a bit nervous. Jo was dressed as a Hollywood-style vampire with a sexy corset, a cape, and fake blood dripping from her very real fangs. I was dressed as a human tourist - Hawaiian shirt, camera around the neck, the works - with two puncture marks on my neck. It definitely turned a few heads, but I was pleased that most of the partygoers found it hilarious and not scandalous. I heard only one comment of blood whore from a Moroi girl whose name I think was Maria, but it was quickly silenced by the sound of a slap across the girl's face. It was at that moment, looking at Jo backhand a fellow student, that I knew she was as fiercely protective of me as I was of her. We might not have the same strengths, but Jo was a force to be reckoned with. All eyes turned to Jo and Maria for a moment, and then the party resumed almost immediately, as if no one was concerned about the incident. I turned to Sofia, who had shown up in a sexy cat costume.
"Did you just see that? She might be faster than me." I couldn't help but be impressed with my charge.
"Trust me when I say no one saw anything." She was right. No one seemed to acknowledge what had happened. Whether it was because Jo was royal or the dean's daughter I couldn't say. Or maybe Maria was just that much of a bitch that no one was surprised she'd been slapped. I didn't fully understand America yet, and maybe I never would.
I only had to muscle my way between frat boys twice that night. Jo could protect from social threats, but I was more than happy to protect her from physical ones. One "bro" named Tony even tried to hit on me.
I flashed my stake at him, which tonight was tucked into a pocket on my costume's cargo shorts. "I'm on the clock, and no, you can't drink from me." I wasn't sure if it was my statement or general "fuck you" attitude, but he didn't say anything to me after that.
The party was definitely a success. I stayed sober, and no one threatened Jo. Those were pretty much the only goals I'd had. Having as much fun as I did was a bonus as far as I was concerned. Someone had brought a Polaroid, and as we left the frat house, I carried a photo of Jo and I posing in our costumes. She had an arm around my waist and leaned over my neck. My face met hers in mock fear, and for whatever reason I'd stuck my tongue out for comedic effect. When we got back to the dorms, I tacked the picture up prominently by my bed. I thought about how it was a better decoration than Jo's framed art encouraging her to "live, laugh, love."
November 30
I had no idea Thanksgiving was a holiday. It sounded weirder still when Jo explained to me how the pilgrims had really done a number on the indigenous people. It didn't seem like much of a reason to celebrate.
I also had been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of holidays I was working through. Big events meant crowds, late nights, and more threats. After Halloween came St. Varvara's Day, which was celebrated sporadically among the vampiric community. I didn't know much about it, but Rose told me over the phone how there had been a fall festival and scavenger hunt associated with the holiday back at St. Vladimir's. Rosenberg College seemed to follow in a similar vein, and the main campus's quad was adorned with pop-up tents and games.
Thanksgiving was, blessedly, less stressful from a guardian standpoint. Giles hosted his family's Thanksgiving just off-campus and was attended by a handful of other Contas. I was glad also that extra royals meant that two other guardians had joined me. It was my first time officially working with other guardians in tandem, and I appreciated the opportunity to coordinate with them. Jo insisted that I eat with the family, to which Giles consented. This forced the guardians to create a new configuration. I would act as a sort of near guard and focus on the Moroi in my immediate vicinity. A second guardian, Greg, stood at the door to the dining room, a position he called 'middle' and would allow him to watch the room as a whole while serving as a buffer to the rest of the house. He would also escort Moroi who needed to leave the room for any reason. The third guardian, Sacha, took up a distant post different from a far guard. He called it the 'phantom' post, which meant that he would be constantly moving, not attached to a Moroi like Greg and I were. Sacha would constantly patrol the grounds and the interior of the house, looking for any signs of danger. Another guardian to patrol with him would have been ideal, but we worked with what we had.
Jo did her best to be polite and include me in conversation, explaining who family members were or giving context to a story as it was retold. She even bragged about me a few times to the others, praising my combat skills.
"Honestly, I probably would have been murdered or just killed myself from stupidity a dozen times now if not for Viktoria."
"Joanna, please," Giles chastised her gently. I didn't think that Strigoi murder was something that the Contas liked to discuss over dinner, even in jest.
One of Jo's aunts, a woman named Matilda, tried to dispel the awkwardness of the situation. "So, Guardian Belikova, how are your studies at Rosenberg coming?"
I was shocked to be addressed directly. It didn't help that so many others were now staring at me. This wasn't like being in St. Basil's cafeteria or at home with my sisters, where no less than three conversations would be going at once. Here, everyone listened attentively to one speaker before making their own commentary.
"I, uh," I stammered. Under the table, I felt Jo's hand squeeze mine. The warmth of it made me both more anxious and more relaxed. I looked at her, but her face looked as blank and polite as the others. "Well, Giles hasn't expelled me, so I figured that's a good start."
"Don't be so modest," Giles scolded. "I've kept an eye on your assignments. You're doing quite well."
I loosened up a bit more, and Aunt Matilda asked another question, this time to Jo as well. "Have you girls decided what you'll be majoring in?"
"Journalism," Jo responded without missing a beat before launching into her passion. She'd told me in detail already how she thought there was a world of exciting stories out there and how she wanted to break them on camera. Some days she had thoughts of being a war reporter, covered in dirt and avoiding enemy fire to make sure that people stayed informed. Other days she swore that she was destined to be the next big national anchor, a face that America could trust.
I realized that Jo had stopped speaking and was now looking to me to answer the same question. I tried to muster up a more confident version of myself. I thought of how my mother hosted parties and how Karolina stood up to the Unpromised on Easter. I thought about Rose and Dimitri facing down all odds to clear their names.
"Criminal justice," I announced, facing Aunt Milda. There were a few nods of approval. "I thought it would be useful as a guardian since I didn't get to finish learning theory at the academy."
And like that, I was off the hook. Conversation broke out about the age decree, and the Contas debated each other passionately without waiting for their opponents to finish their thoughts. Giles led those who were against the ruling while an older man with an unconvincing hairpiece spoke the loudest for those who were all for it. I'd created chaos among family, but looking at Jo's smile, you'd think it was a good thing. Thanksgiving dinner had turned into a high school cafeteria after all.
December 26
I went home for Christmas. I know I should have written more about how proud Karolina was or how much Mom had missed me. I should have talked about seeing Nikolai for the first time in months. I should have talked about the ring Jo gave me before I left, a silver band that wrapped around itself and fit perfectly on my finger.
I should have written a lot more about the last few days, but it felt important that with such a short visit, I should choose to live in the moment. Besides, it feels nice to keep some things private even from my diary.
December 31
I went to a New Year's Eve party with Jo down at Anastasia's "BAR". Guardians were on high alert with the holidays and some of the campus guardians were being paid overtime to guard the bar. This meant that I was free to have fun with our friends - relatively speaking, of course. I was still on alert, but I didn't keep to my usual sobriety.
We were on the roof of Anastasia's tonight. The rooftop bar was typically closed in the winter, but they had opened it in order to accommodate the crowd. Plus, winter for Santa Monica was hardly enough to feel cold to a group of drunken college students.
About ten minutes before midnight, I introduced my friends to a New Year's tradition from Russia. We each wrote down a wish on a small slip of paper, then handed them to James, who was bartending for the roof's patrons along with two others. He burned the papers for us, dropping the ashes into flutes of champagne. Trish complained about "drinking paper" but the others were so taken in that they went along with it without question.
We held onto our champagne and waited until the countdown started. The whole rooftop screamed away the last moments of the year: "Five, four, three, two, one!"
We all took a large sip of our ash-filled champagne and set the glasses down. Trish grabbed a Moroi guy standing nearby and gave him a sloppy kiss. I'd forgotten another tradition - having someone to kiss at midnight. I watched as Sofia leaned over the bar and gave James a friendly peck on the cheek.
And then, Jo kissed me.
"Happy New Year," she said simply, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
I wasn't sure what to make of that, but for some reason my dumb New Year's resolution came to mind. I'd written it down ironically, with Jo's room in mind - live, laugh, love.