You will not believe the day I've been having. I was just walkin' around, mindin' my own business, when I saw an acquaintance of mine being attacked by a witch who seemed to look really similar to her. The witch shot some magic zappy thing at her and I tried to push her out of the way, but it instead just hit both of us.
When I woke up, I found myself in some gigantic city called Nude Fork or something. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get home. I just hope I can find... ...Oh, wait. There she is! The acquaintance I was tellin' you about is in some restaurant thing place called Central Perk. "Karli!" I shout while banging on the window she's leaning up against to get her attention. Her name's Karli and my name's Cliff, by the way. Probably should've told you that sooner.
I run inside and sit down next to her. Before I can even get a word out, she says "Just let me finish my lemonade, then we can do it," to me. I have no idea what she's talking about. "That witch you saw used to be a part of me, like a Jekyll & Hyde kinda thing, so I know all her spells and how to undo them," she explains after nonchalantly sipping her drink. "The spell she used on us is why we're here. All I gotta do to get us back to our universe is read a list of one good thing and one bad thing about every Friends episode."
I'm glad Karli knows how to get us out of this, but that's a really bizarre thing for an evil witch to do. "Why didn't she just kill you or whatever?" I ask.
"I guess she thought she could ruin one of my favorite shows by making me have to watch every single episode in a row and analyze them carefully to make the list," Karli says, making me wonder if that would ruin the show for her. I've never watched it, but I bet it wouldn't. Karli's always seemed to be way too passionate about the TV shows she's a fan of. "But joke's on her 'cause I found an already made list online!" she exclaims while holding up a bunch of papers stapled together.
Karli jumps over to a stage, sits down, and starts reading her list into a microphone. I'll bet no one's gonna understand why she's doing this or even what she's talking about, but that won't matter as long as it works. For now, I just hope she's able to get through the entire list before someone makes her stop.
The Pilot
GOOD
I like the part where Phoebe cleanses Ross's aura.
BAD
Rachel: But Joanie loved Chachi. That's the difference.
Why does the laugh track play after that line? It doesn't sound like it's even supposed to be funny.
The One with the Sonogram at the End
GOOD
The scene the episode's named after where Ross, Carol, and Susan are arguing but then instantly drop it and hold hands when they see the baby in the sonogram is awesome.
BAD
Because Phoebe's already seen the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding, she turns off the TV. However, she does it without asking the others if they were watching it. That is so rude.
The One with the Thumb
GOOD
Phoebe: I can't drink this now.
The way Phoebe says that line is just perfect.
BAD
I don't believe the baseball team they're apparently on is ever so much as mentioned in any other episode. That makes it really weird that Monica talks about how bad they are at baseball as if that's something we could know about them. I can't stand it when shows do that kind of thing.
The One with George Stephanopoulos
GOOD
The "less than 100 steps" part.
BAD
Rachel's friend: Come on. This is us.
Roll credits. For the wrong show.
The One with the East German Laundry Detergent
GOOD
It's weird to say I like the part where someone suggests him and his friend run over puppies, but I do. Why it's funny is clear within the context of the episode.
BAD
Fabric softener isn't required for washing clothes, so I think it's weird Ross and Chandler never consider not using any as an option. But on the other hand, they think going to a laundromat is a date and it's not played for laughs, so...
The One with the Butt
GOOD
The highlight of the episode is obviously Joey's song at the beginning.
BAD
Monica: It's true. Who am I?
Ross: Monica, you're Mom.
Has being obsessive about little mundane things ever been Ross and Monica's mom's thing? Either way, they made another joke about a character's personality trait before establishing said personality trait. This also reminds me of those stupid Progressive commercials, making this scene EXTRA bad.
The One with the Blackout
GOOD
The first part about gum is classic.
BAD
Rachel: There, well, see? I mean, Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.
Ross: Come on.
Rachel: No. He said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross (sarcastically): And you didn't marry him because...?
He was just being polite to the other people. There are plenty of worse reasons to refuse to kiss your significant other they could've had Barry do instead. Am I missing something? Were mini golf courses considered go-to places for kissing back then?
The One Where Nana Dies Twice
GOOD
Something bad happens in the football game they're watching after a funeral. What Jack says in that scene is the funniest part of the episode.
Jack: Now I'm depressed!
BAD
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler: ...You are a frightening, frightening man.
Is Chandler saying that watching it at the reception is worse than watching it at the funeral?
The One Where Underdog Gets Away
GOOD
Putting out the idea of having tater tots on Thanksgiving.
BAD
Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Why does Monica say this? Was it Rachel's job to get the keys every time they left the apartment? Monica makes it sound like she doesn't live there.
The One with the Monkey
GOOD
I like the premise of this one. The six friends promise each other that none of them will have dates on New Year's Eve, but then most of them get dates anyway. It then backfires on them because they lose their dates one by one.
BAD
There are some episodes with titles that don't make sense but may have at the time. For example, The One with Two Parts is far from the show's only double-length episode, but they wouldn't have known there was gonna be more when they titled it. This one, however, I don't buy that they didn't plan to have Marcel be in more than one episode. His second appearance is only a few episodes later. So, why did they call it The One with the Monkey as if this would be the only one he's in?
The One with Mrs. Bing
GOOD
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross!
There's no reason for why Chandler would be misspeaking in this scene and that kinda makes it funnier.
BAD
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. Come on, the guy's a secondary character. He's just a, you know, a complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: ...When?
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero.
Judging a person based solely on what their first name happens to be.
The One with the Dozen Lasagnas
GOOD
This is the debut of Joey and Chandler's first foosball table. Nice.
BAD
Monica: Paolo. I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Paolo just got dumped and looks like he might be too upset to eat. If I'm right about that, Monica wasted that lasagna by giving it to him.
The One with the Boobies
GOOD
Joey: Did you know this isn't Ma?
Both the fact Joey asks that and the way he says it.
BAD
Joey's mom: Could I take her?
Joey: With this ring? No contest.
If someone told me I could win a fight only because I happen to have a big wedding ring, I would not take it as a compliment.
The One with the Candy Hearts
GOOD
Janice: By the way. Chandler, I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
This line.
BAD
When Chandler hears that the woman he got set up on a date with is named Janice, he jumps to the conclusion that it's the person named Janice he knows. Plenty of other people have that name too. And this was before him running into her at random became a running joke, so there's no good reason for him to assume it was her.
The One with the Stoned Guy
GOOD
The way the one guy says "HEY!" after Monica's oven beeps is awesome. I use that all the time when I realize something good.
BAD
Joey: Uhh...How 'bout Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: ...Mmkay. Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Does Ross think the 32-ounce steak is the only thing on the menu?
The One with Two Parts: Part 1
GOOD
The fact Ursula is a character from another show is really cool. Maybe I should watch Mad About You sometime.
BAD
When the two Mad About You characters are in Central Perk, they mistake Phoebe for Ursula. They're convinced they're right when she doesn't take their orders. Even if it was Ursula, wouldn't being a customer like they are be more likely than suddenly having another job?
The One with Two Parts: Part 2
GOOD
I love the part where Ross drops the birthday cake. The way he delivers his line is hilarious.
BAD
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
Christmas shaming.
The One with All the Poker
GOOD
My choice for the good thing is nothing original, but I'm gonna have to give it to the part where they play The Lion Sleeps Tonight.
BAD
Phoebe realizes she was lied to about her earrings because she gets taught that everyone lies while playing poker. ...Just one thing though. ...The poker game hadn't started yet.
The One Where the Monkey Gets Away
GOOD
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here. Did you take it?
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
Mr. Heckles: ...I wasn't ready for it.
BAD
How is Ross holding the banana box when they go to get Marcel back? I don't buy that the person who was supposed to deliver them would let Ross do the job for him. Ross doesn't even need to do this to find out who might've took Marcel. He can just ask who ordered the bananas.
The One with the Evil Orthodontist
GOOD
Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
BAD
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, uh...I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.
Even if that is a noise you'd hear in a restaurant, you wouldn't see it coming. The fact Chandler stopped talking when the sound started should give away that he staged it.
The One with the Fake Monica
GOOD
Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting aggressive and violent.
I feel there's a lot of memes I could make using that line.
BAD
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly...boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, "Kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theater." I walked out of there and I thought, "Now that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back." And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.
Why though? What is it about Mrs. Doubtfire that makes Monica think to mention it here? I don't get it.
The One with the Ick Factor
GOOD
Phoebe: That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
"Them-not-liking-you-extravaganza."
BAD
Young Ethan: Alright, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said that so you'd think I was cute and vulnerable. I'm actually 30. I have a wife. I have a job. I'm your Congressman.
Why is being married a part of his lie? That wouldn't get Monica to go out with him again. It would keep her away.
The One with the Birth
GOOD
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know, my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most and it's not even born yet. It's just...it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. ...I'm sorry. You were fighting.
This part is underrated.
BAD
Nurse: Alright! Alright! There's a few too many people in this room. There's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!
But the doctor and nurse don't leave, so I guess they're an ex-husband and a lesbian life partner too. What are the odds?
The One Where Rachel Finds Out
GOOD
The "There's no Rachel!" guy is played by the same actor as Stu from Rugrats. That makes me enjoy an already funny couple of scenes even more every time I see this episode.
BAD
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
I know Chandler's just joking, but even as a joke, it doesn't make sense. If there was a child stuck inside a man, getting the kid out wouldn't kill either of them. If anything, they'd both die if they left the kid in.
And that's the first season done. I plan to go over the rest of the episodes in other chapters at some point. Did you find this interesting or is it stupid? Please let me know. I'd love to see this become a regular thing I do for other shows. However, it's not as fun or easy as I thought it would be, so I don't think it's very likely that even this Friends one will continue unless I know other people are entertained by it.