Chapter 269

Lindsey had lost track of time almost completely. Hours turned to days of just staring at Tegan lying perfectly still on that sterile, white hospital bed. Tegan's arm, just like Sara's leg now had a permanent cast on.

"How are you doing there Linds?" asked Sonia and squeezed Lindsey's shoulder.

"I'm alright, I think I have an ulcer from all the stress" Lindsey smiled softly. "How are you holding up?"

"Yeah me too. Just want them better" said Sonia and wiped away a tear.

"She's beautiful isn't she… even with the scrapes and bruises" said Lindsey softly touching Tegan's cheek.

"She sure is… can't wait to see those gorgeous brown eyes again" Sonia smiled.

"Yeah… soon" said Lindsey and put her head in her hand, the other hand still entwined with Tegan's.

"It's so unfair… why them… haven't they all been through enough?" said Lindsey shaking her head.

"I know… it's not fair. Life's not fair sometimes"

"I should have been with them… what makes me so special that I was spared this torture…. I should have been with them"

"Don't do that to yourself Lindsey. Don't… maybe it's because Tegan needs you right where you are now. Holding her hand through all of it"

Lindsey took a deep, shuddering breath. "Yeah… maybe"

"She's going to be alright Lindsey. She will" said Sonia and put her arms around Lindsey's neck from behind.

"Uh huh" Lindsey grunted to hide her tears.

"She's so lucky to have such an amazing wife. So blessed" said Sonia and gave Lindsey a squeeze.

"Don't make me cry" said Lindsey but started sobbing anyway.

"It's okay… you can cry. Everything's going to be alright" said Sonia, Lindsey lightly swaying in her arms.

"Why don't you go get some fresh air. I'll stay with her" said Sonia.

"Thanks… I guess a few minutes out of this room will be nice"

-0-

Jude led a half asleep Sax to the empty cafeteria and sat her down next to a table.

"I'm going to grab you a sandwich form the vending machine. I'll be right back okay"

Sax just nodded, her shoulders slumped. She looked tired and pale. This scared Jude, she had never seen Sax like this, from work at least. When she returned a couple of minutes later with a hot chocolate and sandwich for Sax she found her, cheek on the table, asleep. Jude smiled and touched her shoulder.

"Saxon… baby… wake up" she said softly. Sax gasped and flew up straight.

"What's happening" she said fast, clearly startled.

"You fell asleep babe… everything's okay" said Jude soothingly.

"Oh… sorry" said Sax, embarrassed.

"Hon… eat this so you can go get some rest. I'm worried about you" said Jude.

"I'm fine" she mumbled.

Sax took a bite from the sandwich. She realised that she was in fact starving. She hadn't eaten in ages. Her blood sugar had to be through the floor by now.

"How are they doing today?" asked Jude holding Sax's hand.

"Better. All stable. I think we've turned a corner with Sara" said Sax.

"That's great news! How's it been in this new environment?"

"It's been… I don't know. It's not what I'm used to. The people are competent enough I guess, but my team at St Matthews and now at LA metro are just in another league. They don't even have private ICU rooms here… And they're understaffed. Anyway, I'm a spoilt brat I guess. I'm complaining about nothing really, its fine… but you're not here… and I missed you… and I need you" said Sax. She dropped her sandwich and started crying. She put her hand in front of her eyes. Sax didn't do crying. Only in front of Jude and even then it didn't happen often.

"Babe its okay… it's alright. I'm here now… it's going to be okay" said Jude holding Sax tight.

"I'm scared… this is all so fucked up" said Sax.

"I know baby… I'm here now… I love you… its okay" said Jude.

-0-

Lindsey walked out onto the veranda for her daily break. The night lights sparkled in the distance. The late evening air was cold but invigorating and Lindsey rubbed her hands over her arms. Somebody was sitting on her bench, slumped forward with elbows on knees. Lindsey wanted to turn around and leave but she walked forward, hoping it was who she thought it was.

Cameron sat up straight and turned her head when she heard somebody behind her.

"Sorry… I'll go" she mumbled and got up when she saw Lindsey.

"Cameron stop… please. Just listen for a minute" said Lindsey.

Cameron stopped and stared at Lindsey.

"I'm sorry… I'm a dick. I know you didn't say anything. I don't know how I ever thought that for a second. I'm not trying to make excuses but I'm under so much fucking stress I'm really not thinking clearly. I'm so sorry. Forgive me please" said Lindsey.

"No problem" said Cam emotionless and started walking.

"Cam please" said Lindsey.

"It's okay… I understand. You have been under a lot of pressure. I can't even imagine… "

"They're doing better… Sara was in a lot of danger. We almost lost her. God what am I saying we almost lost all of them at some stage" said Lindsey.

"Sara? Why? I thought she was stable? I thought she was doing the best of them all?" said Cameron with a frown.

"She had a fat embolism and she really struggled there for a while…"

"Oh god… wow, that sucks" said Cam looking shocked.

"But she's turned a corner. Things are looking up. They think she's out of the woods, they all are… hopefully" said Lindsey with a weak smile.

"I'm so happy to hear that Lindsey" said Cam.

"You okay? You look really tired" said Lindsey.

"I'm good… had a really rough shift that's all" said Cam.

"Can I do anything to help? Would you like to talk?"

Cam snorted. "No… thanks, I'm fine… really" Cam really did want to talk but she knew that telling Lindsey about the patient they just lost en route to the hospital wasn't the best idea right now.

There was a silence that lasted a minute.

"When Tegan wakes up I would love to introduce you to her. She'd really want to meet you" said Lindsey.

"I'd like that" said Cam. The radio on her belt crackled. "Hart get your ass over here, we have pizza waiting at base" somebody said.

"I guess I need to get going" said Cam.

"Okay, take care. Let me know when you're around again. I owe you lunch and a couple of coffees" said Lindsey.

"You don't owe me anything, but thanks, I'll do that!" said Cam and turned to leave.