Beca had decided to go for a long walk before she went back to her father's house. Last thing she needed was having to explain what had just happened and why she couldn't stop crying. Her mind was far too clouded by thoughts of Chloe and what had just been said between them both. She was still trying to comprehend everything Chloe had just said to her, but was finding it next to impossible. Why Chloe would ever think that she blamed her for the miscarriage of their baby was beyond her knowledge.
Beca had never once even considered putting any amount of blame on Chloe. She couldn't understand how any person would blame the mother for something that was completely out of their hands. The thing that was hurting her the most about all of this was the fact that they were doing so well and then one little mishap, one trigger and everything had gone back to shit just like it first did nine months ago. All Beca wanted was to go back in time and fix things. Though even if she had the power to do so, she had no idea where she'd start.
Would she go back to the day the miscarriage happened, or would she go back to the night when she first came home and Chloe had completely ignored her? That was the night she started giving Chloe space, thinking it would help when in reality, all it did was make things worse much, much worse.
Having kids was never supposed to be an option for Beca. Then again, getting married and settling down with one person wasn't supposed to be one either. Then she met Chloe and immediately found herself wanting to do things she never expected to want to do in a million years. She never expected to look forward to going home, knowing that Chloe would be there waiting for her. Then when she would get home, right away Chloe would grab a hold of her and they'd spend their first thirty minutes together just cuddling, telling one another how their day went and how much they missed each other.
Cuddling was something Beca couldn't stand before she met the redhead. Now, it's pretty much all she thinks about. The feeling of having someone you love so much so close to you, in your arms was exhilarating. She missed how when they would be watching a movie together, right away on impulse Chloe would grab Beca's arm and put it around her own waist, snuggling into her. How Beca would kiss the top of her head and how she would tighten her hold on her whenever the redhead felt too far away. The feeling Beca would get in her stomach when Chloe was in her arms, or vice versa. The scent of Chloe, as weird as it was, Beca really missed Chloe's scent, her shampoo as well as her perfume. She just missed how whenever she was out in public and Chloe was nowhere around, she'd get a small whiff of someone wearing the same perfume and right away she'd feel the butterflies in her stomach because that was the effect Chloe had on her.
Chloe had broken Beca from what she used to be but at the same time, she fixed her. She fixed her into something better, she made her look at life and relationships in a whole new way, a way she actually loved and enjoyed. Chloe just made Beca a better person period. There was nothing more to it. Without Chloe, Beca would go back to her low-class life of one night stands and partying, and that was not something that she neither wanted nor needed.
What Beca needed was for things to go back to normal, for Chloe to love her again and for them to start over again eventually, and become a family.
-January 2019-
Beca woke up from her sleeping slumber when she heard a faint noise coming from the bathroom. It hadn't quite hit her of what the noise was until she heard a tiny groan. She immediately shot up and ran towards the bathroom, not even bothering to knock first.
"What's going on, are you okay?" Beca quickly ran over to her wife, who was face first inside the toilet bowl.
Chloe gathered just enough strength to lift her head up and give the other woman a tiny smile. "I'm fine, just a little morning sickness." She replied in a raspy tone.
"Aw babe," Beca frowned. She got down on both knees beside Chloe and gently started rubbing her back. "Is there anything I can do that will help?" She calmly asked.
"No, go back to bed. Don't worry about me, this is common." Chloe shook her head as her face continued to remain deep inside the toilet.
Beca continued to gently work circles on her wife's back. "No way," she replied.
"Babe, go to bed. It's early and I think I'm going to be awhile. There's no need for you to be up as well." Chloe finally looked up once again and stared deeply into Beca's eyes.
Beca sighed. "Chloe, as far as I'm concerned we're in this together. Whatever you go through, I go through." She quickly changed the route of what she was trying to say when she saw Chloe raise an eyebrow at her. "I don't mean literally. I mean, if you're going to be up because you're not feeling good, then I'm going to be there right beside you doing anything and everything I can to make you feel better. We're in this together, Chloe. I'm not going anywhere, even if it is just a little morning sickness." She smiled as she brought her hand to the side of Chloe's face and pushed some hair behind her ear.
"You're so amazing, you know that right?" Chloe couldn't help but smile as butterflies erupted inside of her, helping to push the nausea away.
"Well duh, that's why you married me." Beca smirked.
Chloe brought her face back to the toilet as she let out a tiny giggle. "I married you because you're amazing, sweet, smart, funny and most of all, loving in every way possible." She looked back up at her wife and smiled.
"I love you so much," Beca leaned forward and kissed the side of her head.
"I…" Chloe started to speak but stopped abruptly as she brought her face back to the toilet. She began gagging as she threw up. Beca frowned as she pushed the hair from her face and slowly rubbed her back.
"Thank you," Chloe choked out.
"Anything for the mother of our child," Beca whispered.
She continued to watch over the other woman, smiling as she did so. Although she knew Chloe must have felt terrible, this was the first time she had experienced morning sickness, or any symptom of the pregnancy and Beca couldn't help but smile because of how real it was all starting to feel.
"Why are you smiling?" Chloe groaned. She looked beside her and was surprised to see the other woman smiling.
"Because, even with your head inside of a toilet bowl and orange-greenish stuff is coming from your mouth, you're still the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on." Beca whispered. She leaned in once again and kissed the top of her head, letting her lips linger on her scalp. Chloe sighed in content as she felt her wife's lips against her. It surprisingly had a very calming effect on her and was helping her feel a tad better.
-Present 2019-
Beca sat on the stairs outside of her father's house, looking down on the ground. She had really enjoyed the walk because she realized something she hadn't thought about before. She remembered what Chloe had said and how right she was. Beca promised her she would stay with her no matter what, until the day she dies.
Now the fact that she was letting Chloe slip away from her really did show how little she fought for her. If there was one thing Beca Mitchell was not, she was not like her father. She loved Chloe. She would love Chloe for the rest of her life whether they were together or apart.
But it made no sense to love someone when you both are apart, which is why Beca had finally come to a realization of what Chloe had meant. She wanted Beca to fight for her. When she had run away from her not even an hour ago, Beca should have chased her, she should have stopped her. When Chloe asked for a divorce, Beca should have refused and fought for her. Instead though, she just kept her mouth shut, head down and let the sadness take over her body.
Well she wasn't going to do that again, she wasn't going to let Chloe slip any further away from her. It was time to grow up; it was time for her to show Chloe that she was staying right where she belongs, in her arms and fighting for her every day for the rest of their lives.
Beca's head snapped up as she heard footsteps approaching her. She frowned when she saw Chloe standing in front of her, tears still in her eyes.
"Hey," Beca quickly got up and stood directly in front of the other woman.
"Hi…" Chloe ducked her head, not being able to make contact with Beca.
"Listen, I know you're upset but can we talk?" Beca's heartbeat was gradually picking up speed as she carefully watched her wife.
Chloe slowly nodded, bringing her head back up to face Beca. "I was going to ask you the same thing," she whispered.
"Okay, well let's go for a walk and talk." Beca gestured down the driveway. Chloe nodded as she slowly turned back around and started to walk the other way, Beca following right behind her.
Both women walked silently, neither knowing how to start what they wanted to say to one another. Chloe's eyes focused on Beca as she continued to keep her face faced forward.
"So," Beca finally decided to break the silence. "Do you want to go first, or should I?" She asked.
Chloe stopped, making Beca stop. She looked over at her and sighed. "Do you mind if I go first?" She asked hopeful.
Beca shook her head. "I don't mind, go ahead." She shuffled her foot against the sidewalk as she waited for Chloe to speak up.
"Beca," Chloe started. She looked over at the other woman and almost melted when she could see the fear in her eyes. "I want to apologize for what I said earlier."
Beca went to open her mouth but was immediately cut off by Chloe, who was quickly shaking her head. "Let me finish, please." The other woman nodded in approval. "I was way out of hand with everything I said. What happened between us is in the past, and I don't want us to be on bad terms anymore. I know it may be hard for us, but I want us to try and at least get along during the holiday season. I mean Christmas time used to be so special for us, and there's no reason why we should continue to fight just because of the divorce. I know I make it difficult at times, but I promise I'm going to be better. I promise I'll be nicer to you. It's just hard." Chloe started to tear again as she watched Beca intently.
"It's hard to let what we used to have go, and as much as we both think it's the right thing to do, it doesn't make it any easier. So I just want to say I'm sorry, and I promise I'm going to stop being so cold towards you. What happened between us was obviously fate and…" Beca had enough with what Chloe was saying and finally cut her off.
"No," she shot out.
Chloe looked at her with confusion. She cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "No?" She said in a questioning tone.
Beca shook her head. "I mean no, I don't want this Chloe." Beca took a step forward, surprising the other woman. She grabbed Chloe's hands without hesitation and held them tightly in hers. "I don't want this divorce. I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry it took me so long to fight for you, but everything you said earlier finally made me realize what I was doing wrong. I wasn't fighting for you nearly as hard as I should be." Beca frowned when Chloe looked away from her.
"Look, what happened between us was a terrible thing that no couple should ever have to go through. Especially alone when they have each other, and for that I am so sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am. But I'm not going to let you go through it alone anymore. I love you so much Chloe Mitchell and that will never change. So yeah, if you don't love me anymore, then that's a different story, but if you still feel for me, the way you did before all of this happened, then let me fight for you. Please don't push me away, Chloe. I love you and nothing hurts me more than when I see you suffering." Beca bit her lip as she waited for Chloe to reply.
Chloe finally looked back at Beca, frowning. "Beca, I appreciate you saying that but so much has changed between us. I don't know if we can ever go back to what we used to be, we've been stuck in this rut for what feels like forever and honestly, I'm not sure if I even know differently at this point." Chloe went to pull her hands away but Beca wouldn't allow it.
"Chloe stop." Beca snapped. "Look at me, look into my eyes." She could feel the tears come to her as she waited. Finally, Chloe looked at her and started directly into her dark blue orbs. "Do you still love me?" She asked.
"Beca I…It's complicated." Chloe wasn't sure what to say, she wasn't expecting any of this from the other woman.
"It's not complicated so stop trying to make it that way. It's a yes or no question, do you still love me?" Beca repeated.
Chloe stared at her wife in silence. She knew the answer to the question but for some reason felt afraid to actually speak the words.
"Please Chloe, just answer me. " Beca pressed on.
Chloe let out a deep breath and slowly nodded her head. "Yes," she whispered. "Of course I still love you."
"Good." Beca felt so much relief seep through her body. "Because I still love you and if we both love each other, then we should be fighting for each other. You said you don't think we can ever get back to the way we used to be but look around you Chlo. The entire time we've been around my family, we've gone back to the way we used to be…" Chloe cut her off.
"Yeah but that was all show for your family and…" Beca shook her head and cut in.
"No, not from me it's wasn't. I can't speak for you, but everything I've been doing these past five days has been real. I couldn't help it; the second we walked into my parents' house I could feel it. At first, it was shocking for me and I wasn't sure what to think about. Now though, now I see that we can get it back Chloe. If we work on it, if we try hard enough we can get it all back."
Beca started to cry, the more she thought of losing Chloe the more heartbroken she felt. "I love you so much and I won't let you go. I fucked up so bad, but I'm here right now. I'm standing in front of you right now, telling you I love you and I don't want this to end. I can't live without you; I need you to be with me forever and always. Just please Chloe; please don't give up on us. Please try to remember the old days, remember when everything was okay and how perfect we were together…how perfect we are for each other." Beca finished. Tears were streaking down her cheeks as she waited for an answer from Chloe.
Chloe followed Beca's actions and cried as the other woman's words hit her like a ton of bricks. All she ever wanted was for Beca to fight for her. Now that she was though, she found herself feeling scared and worried to agree. What if she agreed and got her hopes up and then things just got worse? Chloe couldn't handle losing Beca all over again, not after everything she had already been through this year.
It had suddenly hit her, had she ever truly lost Beca or had she just pushed herself so far away that she just convinced herself she had?
"Just think Chloe, think of a happy memory and tell me that we can't get that back. We can, I promise you we can." Beca pressed on, refusing to budge.
Chloe searched the street of their surroundings and was hit with a sudden memory, one that she had completely forgotten about. It wasn't much, but it certainly made her feel happy as she discretely recalled it.
-Christmas Eve 2018-
Beca and Chloe exited Chloe's mother's house, hand in hand. They had decided to walk off the large meal they ate and get away from all the loud noises going on inside the house. Chloe had a large family and the fact that they had all just found out of Chloe's pregnancy made them that much louder.
"What's on your mind?" Beca looked over at her wife and smiled. She could tell Chloe was thinking about something.
"How do you know something is on my mind?" Chloe playfully shoved the other woman. Beca laughed as she placed an arm around Chloe's waist.
"You make a face whenever you're thinking about something. You sort of furrow your eyebrows and bite your bottom lip, it's really cute." Beca leaned into her and kissed her on the cheek.
"I can't believe you actually pay that close attention to me," Chloe giggled.
"Oh please, like you don't know my faces?" Beca raised an eyebrow.
"No, I definitely do. I guess I just never took you for someone to be that cheesy," Chloe smirked.
"Well, you bring it out in me." Beca shrugged. She un-wrapped her arm from Chloe's waist and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. "Now tell me, what's on your mind?"
Chloe sighed. "I guess it's just all becoming so real to me. Telling our families is making it sink in more. We're going to have a baby; we're going to be a family." Chloe bit her lip as they continued to walk.
"I guess I'm just…freaking out a bit. I mean, there's so much we haven't done yet and now with a baby, we'll have to push all of it back. We'll have to wait eighteen years before we can do any of that stuff and by that time we'll be in our late forties and too old." Chloe started to have a mini freak out the more she thought about it.
Beca stopped abruptly, pulling the other woman with her. "This is so backwards right now," she chuckled. "Shouldn't I be the one freaking out over this stuff?"
Chloe pouted as she looked at her wife. "Shut up, I'm not meaning to freak out but it's stuff I never even thought about until now!" She replied.
"Listen babe," Beca grabbed the redhead and pulled her forward, into her arms and hugged her tightly. "This is just your nerves talking. All these things you are talking about, we'll have lots of time for. I mean, we have Aubrey or our parents to watch over our son or daughter if we ever decide to go on a trip. Or, we bring them with us. I mean, look at the perks of it all. We can take a trip to Disneyland every year, and we get to go watch our kid kick-ass in sports. There's always a solution for every problem, you just need to think hard enough." She smiled. She slowly rubbed Chloe's back as she rested her head on her shoulder.
"What if we suck at parenting? I mean neither of us knows what we're doing, what If we mess up and our kid turns out to be a little monster?" Chloe could feel her chest tighten with the fear of being terrible parents swimming through her mind.
"No one ever knows what they're doing at first. I mean look at Aubrey and Jesse. Do you think they had any idea with what they were doing? Especially Jesse, I mean that guy is a klutz and a half. Yet look at little jack, that kid is so polite and sweet." Beca reminded her.
"Yeah that's true…" Chloe started to relax herself in Beca's hold.
"And if we ever need help, we have Aubrey, our parents. There are so many people who will be with us, walking us through it. But I mean we'll be okay without them, we're team Bechloe for fuck sakes. We can do anything together." Beca pulled back and smiled at her. She pushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned forward, gently kissing her.
Chloe couldn't help but laugh as she pulled away. "I can't believe you just mashed our names together and made us into a team." She shook her head jokingly.
Beca shrugged. "Because that's what we are Chloe, we're a team. I love you and you love me, and as long as we both love each other, we can get through anything and I mean anything together. Don't forget that, okay?" Beca gave her a small smile.
Chloe nodded and bit her bottom lip once again. "What now?" Beca asked.
"Now I'm just thinking about how lucky I am to have you, and how much I love you. You complete me Beca Mitchell, and without you I don't know what I would do." She smiled.
"We complete each other Chloe, and I promise that as long as I'm alive and well, you'll never have to find out what life would be like without me. As long as I'm here, I will always do my best to take care of you and hold you up when you're falling down. Okay?" Beca asked hopeful.
Chloe raised her hand and cupped Beca's cheek. "I'm so lucky. I love you so much Beca, I'm so happy to be having this baby with you, you have no idea." Chloe replied.
"Trust me, I have an idea." She smiled. She then leaned forward and kissed Chloe one last time before grabbing her hand and continuing onwards, making their way down the street.
-Present 2019-
Chloe bit her lip as she stared into Beca's eyes. Beca knew she was thinking, but was feeling worried because she had no idea what she was thinking about.
Finally Chloe inhaled a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She cleared her throat and slowly reached her hand out, grabbing Beca's. "Please don't leave me," she whispered.
Beca choked her tears out as she quickly shook her head. "I won't Chloe, I promise." She gently squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"It's going to be a lot of work," Chloe reminded her.
Beca nodded. "I know, but I'm willing to work overtime to get things back to the way they used to be." Without thinking Beca grabbed Chloe and wrapped her arms around her. It was their first time hugging in months when no one was around to witness, and everything about it felt right. Beca had never felt so relieved in her life. Now that she had a second chance, there was no way in hell she was going to fuck it up. She was going to do everything she could to fix things between them, no matter what.
Chloe stayed silent as she rested her head against Beca's shoulder. She finally nodded her head as she pulled back and looked into the other woman's eyes. "Okay, then let's do this. I still love you, and I don't want to lose you Beca, so let's do this. Let's fix our marriage." She finished.
A/N: Okay guys, sorry it's been awhile. I just started feeling better and feeling okay enough to write. I want to thank everyone for the get well wishes, you're all so sweet! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Especially now that everyone can relax, Chloe and Beca are going to work on their marriage. It will be tough for a while, but they'll get there again, don't you worry! As usual, thanks for read and feedback is much appreciated.