Sara woke up just before 7 after only about two and a half hours of restless sleep. Her injured leg was aching from sleeping on the couch. She got up and limped to the bed. Tegan, Casey and Kate were all down for the count. Sara gently touched Casey's forehead and found it cool. She sighed with relief. Casey opened her little eyes and Sara cursed herself for waking the child.
"Come here peanut" she said and picked Casey up. She silently carried her out of the room.
Tegan started to wake up an hour later. She groggily put her arm out but found the bed next to her empty. She shot up straight and winched as pain shot through her shoulder.
Kate was still asleep on the other side of the bed.
"Shit" she muttered and raced out of the room.
"Casey? Where is she?" she asked sounding scared as she entered the living room.
"She's right here Tegan" said Sara. Casey was awake and sitting on Sonia's lap drinking her bottle.
"Casey! Hi baby! How are you feeling?" asked Tegan sitting down next to her mom.
"Not a baby" said Casey looking annoyed at the statement.
"Okay, how's mommy's big girl?" said Tegan taking Casey from her mom while clearly favouring her injured shoulder. She was careful not to disturb the IV line.
"She's just fine mommy. A bit lethargic and she keeps rubbing her ear but there's no fever" said Sonia.
"Yay, that's good! Aunt Kate will give you something to make that ear feel better soon sweetheart" said Tegan holding Casey close to her chest.
"Kate still asleep?" asked Sara.
"Yeah, I'm worried about her she looks a bit pale" said Tegan.
Sara jumped up and stormed towards the bedroom. A few seconds later she was sitting on the bed next to Kate softly touching her cheek. Kate always looked almost angelic when asleep. Her soft, full lips slightly parted, her eyelashes lay dark and long on her perfect, porcelain skin and a dark shock of hair cut over her forehead.
"You're so beautiful" Sara whispered.
Kate grunted and rolled on her back. She opened her eyes trying to orientate herself.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep" Sara whispered.
Kate turned her head and saw the bed next to her was empty.
"How's Casey" she whispered.
"Fine baby, she's taking a bottle. Fever's gone but she looks kind of miserable. So do you by the way" said Sara and kissed Kate's cheek.
"I'm okay" Kate smiled and yawned. She tried to get up.
"No, take it easy. Sleep some more"
"I'm fine Sar. Let me go or my bladder's going to burst" Kate laughed.
"I love you" said Sara out of the blue.
"I love you too angel" said Kate and kissed Sara's fingertips.
Sara was close to tears now. Sara softly ran her thumb over the small tracheostomy scar in Kate's neck.
"Sar… I'm going to ask Violet to come by today. I think we can all use a bit of a talk hey" said Kate.
Sara just nodded.
"You okay?" asked Kate after a few seconds of silence.
Sara nodded. "Please don't ever leave me" she whispered.
"I'm right here okay. Shhhhh" said Kate and hugged Sara.
-0-
The rest of the day was thankfully uneventful. Everybody stayed at Tegan's house and just got as much rest as possible. Violet spent most of the afternoon there talking with everybody one on one. She didn't get much out of Tegan but at least she was starting to open up a bit. Casey seemed to be feeling better by the hour and was IV free and playing again by lunchtime, Kate decided against giving her antibiotics since she didn't have a secondary infection.
"Thank you for last night everyone" said Tegan where they were having coffee in the living room.
"I'm sorry if I was a little… crazy and carried away" said Tegan and lay back on the couch. Sonia grabbed one of her sock clad feet and massaged it.
"You weren't crazy Tegan. You've been through so much the last few months. Casey getting sick was just a lot to handle under the circumstances. You're fully allowed to freak out, I don't blame you one bit" said Sara.
"Thanks Sar. That's good to know because it may very well happen again tomorrow" said Tegan and put her head in her hands.
"We'll be with you every step of the way Tegan. We've got you" said Sara.
"I'm scared, I don't want to do it… bury my wife" said Tegan and started weeping again.
"I know Tee…. It's going to be okay" said Sara hugging her sister.
-0-
The next day.
The uncharacteristic grey clouds hung low over the cemetery where Tegan stood next to Lindsey's casket after most funeral goers had left. The service was beautiful. Tegan didn't speak, she was just too distraught. She was sobbing through the whole thing. She did however allow Sara to read something really beautiful that she wrote.
Tegan decided against bringing the kids to the funeral. She knew that she would be extremely emotional and that would upset the children. They were too young to understand and Tegan decided to have their own little goodbye for Mamma later, just the three of them.
Tegan looked down the hole that Lindsey would be lowered into and took in a quick gasp of air. Lindsey once told her that she wanted to be buried, not cremated, she thought it didn't feel right. She wanted to rest under a big oak tree. Tegan looked up at the tree sheltering them. The cemetery was as beautiful as a cemetery could be but Tegan hated leaving her there. Tegan looked at the twelve white roses in her hand and put it on the casket. "I love you Lindsey. I'll always love you. Rest in peace my love" Tegan whispered and started sobbing yet again. She clenched her fist in front of her mouth.
A minute later Tegan felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't have to look, she sensed it was Sara. "Thank you… for today Sar" she said softly.
"You're welcome Tegan. You ready to go?" asked Sara.
"No" said Tegan shaking her head, her voice breaking. She put her hand on the casket.
Sara didn't say anything, she just stood there with Tegan, staring at the gorgeous flowers on the casket.
About ten minutes later Tegan nodded at the undertaker. A few seconds later the casket started slowly sinking into the hole. Tegan kept her hand on the casket until she couldn't touch it anymore standing. She sunk to her knees and sobbed holding her head in her hands. Her family and friends were all around her trying to comfort her but Tegan had never felt more alone.
Tegan forced herself up and resolutely wiped her cheeks with her suit sleeves. She took a deep breath and picked up a shovel. The shovel was more there for people to get some closure than to actually close the grave. Some of her friends and family just picked up a handful of dirt and threw it into the open grave onto the casket but Tegan started shovelling, hard and fast. After a minute or two her dad put his hand on her arm. "Tegan, it's okay" he said softly. She shrugged him off and kept shovelling, her shoulder was burning and she was starting to wheeze. She shovelled faster and faster until she eventually just bowed her head and started sobbing again. Her closest friends and family were there again to support her.
"I'm okay" she whispered a minute later looking pale, her shoulder was now throbbing.
"Let's go home Tegan, the kids are waiting for you" said Sara.
"Go without me. I just want to stay until they've… um… finished here" said Tegan.
"I'll stay with you" said Sara taking Tegan's hand.
"I want the rest to go" said Tegan not looking at Sara. Sara walked away and talked to the rest of the family. Everybody nodded and started walking to their cars. Sara sat down on a chair next to Tegan and watched as workers filled the grave with mechanical equipment. They just sat like that until the grave was filled with fresh soil.
"I'd like to go home now" said Tegan softly and got up. Sara led her to the car with her arm around her waist. Tegan didn't speak on the ride home, she just stared out of the window, her hands clenched in fists on her thighs. When they got to Sara's house, the small gathering of friends and family was in full swing. Tegan didn't feel like talking to anybody but she held it together and allowed people to convey their condolences. Sara found her an hour later in the garden. Tegan sat on a garden chair watching the kids playing.
"Hey, you okay?" Sara asked as she sat down next to Tegan.
"Yeah, I think I am" said Tegan and scrubbed her hands over her face. Sara rubbed her back up and down.
"They ask for her all the time" said Tegan. Sara felt like crying for the injustice and tragedy of it all.
"I guess that's normal" said Sara.
"Every now and then I find myself looking for her, expecting her to walk in the door" said Tegan.
"It will get better Tee" said Sara softly.
"I hope so, because right now I feel like someone is shoving a knife in my heart all the time" said Tegan.
-0-
When most of the guests except the family and closest friends had left, Tegan came back into the house. She looked pale and dishevelled.
She suddenly felt light headed and clasped the back of a chair and took a few deep breaths.
"Tegan? Tee?" she heard voices in the distance. Suddenly her legs just gave way and she collapsed onto the floor.
"Tegan!" Sara shouted and a second later she was next to Tegan.
"Tegan! Open your eyes!" yelled Kate slapping Tegan's face lightly. Tegan didn't move.
"Jesus call 911" Kate yelled and put her ear to Tegan's mouth. "Get my bag" she barked.
"Tegan open your eyes!" said Kate as she pressed her fingers in Tegan's neck to check her pulse.
Tegan felt as if she was floating, she became aware of desperate voices calling her name. She opened her eyes and found Kate looking petrified.
"There we go, just breathe Tegan" Kate sighed.
"What… happened" Tegan mumbled trying to sit up.
"Just take it easy, stay still" said Kate pushing her back. Tegan felt Kate or somebody feeling the back of her skull and her neck.
"I'm okay" she mumbled.
"I'll be the judge of that. Stay still until the medics get here" said Kate as she checked Tegan's pupils.
"No medics, I just… haven't eaten" Tegan complained.
"Stay still" Kate instructed and put a BP cuff around Tegan's arm.
"Fuck… what happened?" Tegan mumbled.
"You fainted Tegan" said Kate watching the BP monitor.
"Pressure's low, that could explain it" she said and proceeded to prick Tegan's finger for a blood glucose test.
"Ouch" said Tegan and looked pissed off.
"Did you hurt your shoulder?" asked Kate.
"No, don't think so. It's sore though from shovelling earlier" said Tegan gingerly moving her arm around testing her range of motion.
"Good, stay still" said Kate.
"I need to check on the kids" said Tegan trying to sit up again.
"They're outside with the grandpa's, it's okay" said Sonia.
Tegan relaxed a bit and allowed Kate and the medics that just arrived to check her over.
-0-
"She okay?" asked Sara went Kate came out of one of the bedrooms half an hour later.
"Yeah, she's okay. She's asleep" said Kate sitting down next to Sara.
"What was that? She scared the shit out of me" said Sara.
"I think it just all hit at once. She hadn't eaten, had a really emotional morning and haven't slept well the last few days. That coupled with the fact that she's still recovering from major trauma just took her down" said Kate running her hand through her hair.
"Shouldn't you take her back to hospital?" asked Sonia.
"No, I don't think that will be necessary. She just needs some rest and some fluids. I gave her some glucose too. With the funeral out of the way I hope that things will return to a bit more normal soon" said Kate.
"You should get some rest too" said Sara.
"I know, I think I'll take a nap" said Kate, pale as ever.
"I think you should too Sara" said Sonia squeezing Sara's shoulder.
Sara nodded and got up. "Come on Doc" she said and pulled Kate's hand.
-0-
It was about two hours before sundown when the gang arrived on the secluded beach where they also said goodbye to Jeremy. Tegan was feeling a bit better after some rest and insisted that they go. She put warm jackets and hats on the kids and forced everyone into cars. Casey was feeling a lot better and Kate had assured her that the ear and throat infection that caused her fever two nights earlier was pretty much gone.
Tegan sat away from the gang staring at the waves as the kids played nearby. Everybody left her alone for a while and talked among themselves. Eventually Tegan got up and poured herself a glass of red wine.
"To Lindsey" she said holding up her glass.
"To Lindsey" everybody repeated.
"She was one of a kind wasn't she? Amazing, so beautiful, competent, talented, sweet, kind… she was just… special. I know that I'll never love like that again and that's okay… because I know that for a while there… I had it all. God I'm going to miss her" said Tegan and looked down at the sand to hide her tears.
Everybody else started telling stories, reliving the both the fun and the hard times they had together. For the first time in days Tegan laughed out of her stomach. She glanced at the sunset and smiled took a deep breath. She got up and walked down the beach. She stopped and looked at the sunset again.
"I love you… I'll never forget you my love" she whispered.
A/N: Hey guys, I give you a chapter a day and you give me the silent treatment? Please send me some feedback, I'd love to hear your ideas for the story going forward.