"I can't believe this is happening" Sara complained to Kate on the way to Tegan's house.
"It's going to be okay" said Kate for the tenth time that morning and rubbed Sara's thigh up and down.
"I hope so" said Sara staring out of the window.
The driver stopped the car in front of the house and Sara took a deep breath before getting out. She leaned heavily on her cane today.
"Morning guys" said Tegan coming out of the house carrying a bag.
"Hi, you shouldn't be carrying that" said Kate.
"Relax, it's my good arm" Tegan winked.
Kate suddenly felt a wave of anxiety come over her. She took a deep breath to calm herself down.
"You okay?" asked Tegan.
"Yeah… I'm just… going to miss you" said Kate and swallowed hard. Sara burst into tears the next second.
"Here we go" said Tegan and looked slightly annoyed. She rolled her eyes dramatically and took Sara in her arms.
"It's okay… Sar I'm going on vacation I'm not going to war" said Tegan and laughed.
"It's not funny" said Sara wiping her cheeks.
"I know… I'll be okay Sar. We'll be back before you know it"
"Please just be careful. And call me okay, any time day or night. And take care of yourself and the kids"
"I will Sara. I promise" said Tegan.
"Okay… I… damnit I don't want you to go" said Sara in tears again.
"I have to Sara. Please understand"
"I understand… still doesn't change the fact that I don't want you to go"
"I hear you" said Tegan and patted Sara on the back.
Sara just nodded.
"Are you okay? Looks as if your leg is bothering you today"
"It happens sometimes… its okay, just a bit stiff today"
"You sure? You look as if you're in pain"
"Yes Tegan! Stop nagging… okay…. Sorry… I guess that's how I treat you every day" said Sara.
"Tegan shrugged"
"You guys all packed?" Kate asked the kids.
"We're going on cacation" said Casey. Tegan smiled and shook her head.
"We're going on a venture" said Ryan.
"You're going on an ADventure? That's cool" said Kate.
"Can Ami come?" asked Casey holding Amelia's hand.
"Not this time Casey. But we'll come visit! I promise"
"Oh… okay" said Casey looking sad.
"Don't be sad pumpkin, we're going to have so much fun" said Tegan picking up her daughter. She flinched slightly as if something hurt.
"You're still in pain Tegan. I don't know how you expect to do this"
"I'm fine! I'll be seeing a physical therapist there. And you're sending half an army with me so I won't be carrying much" said Tegan pointing at the guards a few feet away.
"Let's not fight please. We have about half an hour, let's go have some coffee" said Kate.
-0-
An hour later Tegan stood in front of the security check in. "Alright… thank you for bringing us. We'll miss you" said Tegan, her voice small. She really strained herself to keep her emotions in check.
"We love you Tegan. Take care alright" said Sara and hugged her sister.
"Love you guys too. See ya soon okay. Please come visit" said Tegan as she hugged Sara, Kate and Amelia goodbye.
"We will. Call us when you get there" said Sara.
"I will" Tegan smiled suddenly looking pale. She waved and turned around. She kept walking without looking back.
"She's okay… she's going to be okay" said Kate where she stood behind Sara with her arms around her waist. It was more to convince herself than Sara.
"Can we just go… I can't" said Sara and started walking away.
-0-
Tegan stood in front of the door of the plane for a minute and took a deep breath. In front of her Beth and one of the new female security guards were expertly handling the two kids. Something Tegan really didn't want them to do but while sitting in the waiting area she decided that the independence thing would start tomorrow. Right now she just needed to convince herself to enter the plane and to not have a panic attack. Beth looked back at Tegan but Tegan just smiled half-heartedly and waved her away.
"Ma'am, are you okay? Can I help?" asked a kind airhostess.
"Um… shit… sorry" said Tegan leaned against the wall of the tube connecting the plane to the airport.
"Perhaps you should sit down? I'll bring you some water"
"Please excuse me today… I… I'm so scared I can't stand up straight" said Tegan.
"It's okay…. Everything…"
"I was in a plane crash a few months ago" Tegan mumbled.
"Oh… wow… I'm sorry" said the airhostess and swallowed hard. She suddenly realised it was Tegan Quinn standing against the wall with her hands covering her face.
Tegan sunk down to the floor. The airhostess crouched next to her.
"Tegan. Look at me" she said softly.
Tegan looked up, she was pale as a sheet and looked petrified.
"I'm personally going to take very good care of you alright. This is a really safe aircraft. Much safer than a car and…."
"I know that… I know all the rational things but I can't help being scared!" Tegan snapped.
"I understand that Tegan. I know you're scared. So…. What to do you want to do? I can get the airport doctor over here to give you a sedative?"
"No… no drugs. I have anxiety medication that I can take. Don't think it will help much, it's mild" said Tegan staring out in front of her.
"Let's go in, there's a few minutes before take-off. Just get comfy and get used to the idea" said the airhostess winking.
Tegan nodded, she knew it was probably best to just get in there. The airhostess took her hand to pull her up. It was shaking.
"Are those your two beautiful kids?" she asked to get Tegan's mind off flying.
"Yeah, they are cute right" Tegan smiled.
The airhostess led her in with her hand on her back.
"It's weird, I've flown thousands of times. I never used to be a nervous flyer" said Tegan.
"Well, I do think you have an excuse now" said the girl.
Tegan sat down in the luxurious first class seat and turned to look at her babies. Both were playing and strapped into their own seats, each with a security officer next to them.
"You okay?" Beth mouthed at Tegan.
Tegan nodded. "You okay with them?" she asked.
"Absolutely. You just relax"
Tegan dry swallowed an anxiety pill and put her head back to start some relaxation and visualisation exercises that Violet showed her.
She almost felt herself slip away but snapped her eyes open when somebody touched her shoulder and said, "Please buckle up and put your seat in the upright position" She was breathing hard and fast her airways closing up as she remembered as if it was yesterday those moments before the plane crashed when the airhostess also asked her to put her seat up and her seatbelt on.
"Tegan, its okay, have a sip of water" said Beth now next to her.
Tegan took the bottle and it shook in her hand.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she whispered, wheezing.
Beth pulled a spare inhaler from her jacket pocket and handed it to Tegan.
"Take a puff, deep breath" she said softly and calmly.
Tegan obliged and felt herself relax a bit.
"I want you to keep them buckled in the whole flight, tightly" said Tegan after taking a deep breath.
"Will do. You feeling better, should I get your oxygen concentrator out?"
"I'm fine, just… give me a minute" she said before taking another puff from her inhaler.
Tegan gripped the armrests so hard her arms stared feeling numb. She felt lightheaded as the plane stared moving. From across the isle Beth watched her closely as she tried to normalise her breathing. Casey was fiddling next to her.
"I want my mommy"
"OK sweetie, in a little while" said Beth.
"I want my mommy now"
"Beth loved children but right now she could just about strangle this one"
"Later Casey, Mom's not feeling that great now"
Just before dizziness almost claimed her Tegan heard Beth speaking to Casey and she heard a loud "I want my mommy now!"
Tegan leaned forward and looked over at Casey. "Hey peanut! I'm here okay. Just stay there and be a good girl for Beth"
"Mommy, can I come sit with you? Mommy?"
Tegan looked at the seat open next to her. She felt like shit, she was dizzy and nauseous. Couldn't hurt?
"Okay honey, as soon as that light come on. Just be good now"
The flight had wi-fi. Beth felt her phone vibrate. "How's she doing?" came a message from Sara.
"So far, she's okay" Beth typed back.
-0-
"She said so far she's okay. Not no problem or good…. just she's okay" said Sara where she next to Kate and Amelia on a bench next to the beach. Kate and Amelia were both eating ice cream. Sara felt too queasy to join them.
"Okay means she okay Sar. Try not to think about it, there's nothing you can do right now"
"She must be really scared in that plane. I feel my stomach tightening and my heart racing. Jeez… I think I'm going to go for those flight simulator things they do for fear of flying before I go anywhere on a plane again"
"That's a good idea, think I'll join you" said Kate.
"So, Monday, back to work" said Sara.
"Uh huh… I'm scared" said Kate.
"You're going to be great"
"Thanks baby…. Only half day for a few weeks. It will be mostly seeing patients in my office"
"Good, because I can't let you go yet for much longer" said Sara and quickly kissed Kate and licked some ice cream off her lip.
"How's your leg? Feeling any better?"
"It's sore Kate… what do you want me to say"
"I'm sorry… is it worse than before? May be worthwhile having it checked out?"
"No, it just acts up every now and then. I didn't sleep well last night that's all"
"You should take a painkiller and anti-inflammatory when we get home"
"How are you?" asked Sara turning to look at her wife.
"Okay… just like you, it hurts sometimes…. But I'll be fine, just takes time"
"Kate, I don't want you pushing when you get to work. Consults only for now. Sax made it clear you can't be on your feet for hours operating just yet" said Sara desperately.
"I won't…. I'll take it easy, promise" Kate smiled.
-0-
By the time Tegan had forced herself to calm down a bit she noticed that both her children had nodded off after their temporary minders read them a story. She scrubbed her hands over her face and closed her eyes again. Her pulse was still racing though.
"Tegan, can I get you anything?" asked Beth.
"No… no thanks, just take care of the kids please" said Tegan.
"Okay… I'm right here if you need anything" said Beth. Tegan nodded to the beautiful blonde security officer. "Thanks Beth… I owe you"
"Nonsense, all part of the job" said Beth and sat down again.
Tegan continued with her breathing and visualisation exercises. A short while later an airhostess offered her a drink. She ordered a tea and a water in a feeble attempt to keep herself calm. Truth was that right now she felt okay, shaky but she was managing.
About an hour into the flight the seatbelt signs came on.
"No…. Shit…. Oh god" Tegan whispered gripping her seat tight after tightening her seatbelt.
"Are they buckled in Beth?" she asked sounding scared.
"Yup. It's okay it's just some turbulence" said Beth calmly.
The plane shook in mid-air and Tegan felt as if her heart was going to jump out of her chest. It wasn't heavy turbulence but to Tegan it felt amplified one hundred times. A wave of nausea came over her and she grabbed the barf bag just in time. She projectile vomited into it and coughed breathing in some vomit. She kept coughing desperately. The wheezing started again. Beth was there helping Tegan with her inhaler but the wheezing continued. An airhostess was desperately trying to help but she seemed unsure of what to do.
Tegan was shaking, she felt as if she couldn't get enough air. Her heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour.
-0-
Cameron Hart had just finished her mid-morning snack and was settling in to watch a movie on her iPad when she heard the announcement.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if there is a doctor, a nurse or medic on board, could you please make your way towards the front of the plane immediately"
"Shit" Cam thought and stayed seated. If there was somebody else that would volunteer she could stay where she was. Nobody got up. Cam hoped that somebody towards the front of the plane did. She leaned back again.
"Damn it…" she mumbled and got up. She couldn't not go. It went against everything in her. If somebody needed her help she would be there.
"Are you a doctor?" asked a crew member when she almost reached the first class partitioning.
"Something like that" Cam shrugged. Nobody else had volunteered so Cam was all the crew member had at that stage. He sighed. "Follow me"
Cam walked into first class unsure of what to expect. An airhostess and another lady was leaning over somebody trying it seemed to calm her down. She stepped closer.
"That's it… your breathing better" said the civilian.
"Hi, I can help. Let me have a look at her" said Cam. The blonde straightened and looked at Cam. Beth instantly recognised her, she did after all, closely watch everybody that interacted with her protectees.
"She's having a panic attack. Massive fear of flying coupled with a pretty hectic medical history. She had a very traumatic accident a few months ago and has a chronic lung condition… as you would know... Ms Hart"
Cam frowned at Beth and looked down at the passenger for the first time. She swallowed hard.
"Jeez" she mumbled with raised eyebrows. She suddenly went white as a sheet, her new heart picked up speed. Cam crouched down in the isle next to Tegan.
"Hello Tegan, it's Cameron. It's okay, I'm here to help" she said softly while touching Tegan's hand.
A/N: Really sorry for the delay with this chapter. I was super busy and I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the story to where it needs to go. Please keep sending reviews so I know I haven't lost you all.