One nightmare had him set on edge- something about how it rattled something deep in his core and filleted him. The new sleeping arrangements left him unable to express his frustration in his normal way. Usually crying about it until it left him feeling a bit empty. Or blowing things up with his magic. Maybe it was better like this.

Yet that's the least of everyone's problems when the Counsel had to work every day to keep infighting at a minimum- and to find new things to keep everyone happy and not go stir crazy. Rotations for rooms had to be set for its use, and a set time for everything. If it weren't for the Wobilnocks endless cheer of serving everyone, he wasn't sure morale would be as high as it is.

Strictly speaking, they had floors that were limited in use. The warmest floor is used for the sick while the largest one is used for the sleeping quarters. The other two had to be used for the feeding corridors and activities room respectively. Occasionally they had to take up the activity room for councils if there were topics that didn't need prying ears.

At least with his latest memory, he knows Killagarah is safe. The elusive, convoluted dragon most likely hibernation for the winter, safe in a cave somewhere. He'll never get a straight answer from that beast, let alone a warning for the fierce winter that hit them.

Sometimes, the people needed their leaders to reassure them. As he rubbed his eyes again for the millionth time to rub the blurriness from them, unsuccessfully, tuning back in the current meeting. Thomdeg, Algain, and Iseldir beside him.

"-No way this buildin' will collapse. My ancestors pride on buildin' castles like this the best materials. In fact- i know this place was built from the dwarven mountains of our home-" Thomdreg easily takes up the room and enthralls the masses with the stories of his home, and everyone listens with rapture.

It was Aglain's idea to allow everyone a chance to air out their worries with these meetings. They made it as official as they could. Setting up some pillows for them to sit on while the people could come and go as they ask questions, standing if it's their turn. The man had easily stepped into his role as a leader in his mother's absence. Although Merlin could see how he struggled when he turned to someone for advice who wasn't there.

"..Merlin?" He refocuses again to feel a warm hand on his shoulder and Aglain himself radiating concern for him. He raises a questioning eyebrow in response and gets a milder frown in return. Instead of saying anything, he grumpily returns to the tail end of his friend's story.

He smiles at the man who seems satisfied with that answer. "As you see, there is no need to worry. We even have taken extra precautions with reinforcement spells on the walls, so we are perfectly safe."

"Thank you Emrys." The man replies before sitting down.

"Is there anyone else who has any questions?" A handful of adults stand, but one little girl with a nervous shuffle brings his eyes to her. They've been answering a lot of adults, it was only fair to mix it up a little. "The child, what's your name little lady?"

As the attention goes to her, she takes a moment in gathering herself, and it's only when her mother next to her gives an encouraging nod does she speak. "It's Emily."

"Hello Emily. What is it you would like to ask?" Inquiring tenderly, she seems to gain courage.

"How did you become so amazing?" Raw admiration colors her tone.

He completely freezes, visibly fighting with himself as his smile grows more strained. Iseldir pipes in, "I'm sorry, but we're only taking questions that aren't-"

"No no," Merlin cuts in carefully, "It's alright. I don't mind Well-." He flounders, but can't help but answer honestly, even with his chest squeezing. "It didn't happen overnight," he jokes, but, "it took a lot of work on my part, but I wouldn't have made it without all the amazing people supporting me. I'm nothing without them."

That concern is burning a hole in his head as he adds, "So remember to take care of those who take care of you, and you'll be even more amazing than me."

She grows a deep red and abruptly sits down, leaving a few of the adults to chuckle lightly at her sweetness.

"That will be all for today. Any other inquiries will have to wait until next time, as dinner will be prepared and ready within the next hour or so. If the question is urgent you may come to me or any of the other members, but for now please enjoy the games provided." He knows it's rather sudden, but he desperately needs a chance to find somewhere quiet.

He's the first to leave the room actually, carrying a prosed composure until he leaves, and even holds it the longer he's walking up the stairs, finding more people in every corner. Yet the tears are forcing their way out, and he's forced to find a semi-private corner to curl up in a ball in.

He hates that the people nearby his waling find a way to clear the hall until he's truly alone. It only increases the pain in his chest, and he knows that the long day is just beginning for him. He's sick of crying, but that's all he appears to be doing lately.

Yet a pair of footsteps settle beside him, and whoever it is sits next to him. He's too deep in his grief to look up, and he expects some type of questions to come forth, or some way for them to try and stop his wailing. They don't but continue to stay anyway.

The girl's question was so simple that it shouldn't have bothered him at all, but it did. Admiration of him wasn't something he came short on, but something about how it was from someone so innocent. It hurt more.

"What do you want." He grumbles, irritated. He ran to be somewhere alone, not for someone to follow him.

"I was… worried about you," Algain speaks, because of course, it's him who's been hounding Merlin all day. "You've been distracted."

"Well, I'll make sure my distractions won't affect my role as a leader."

He frowns. "That's not why I came."

"Why did you come! You could have just ignored me!"

"Well.. I didn't, because I care about you."

He scoffs. "Yeah right. You only care about me as Emrys. The only person in the world that could, 'protect everyone'"

"Sure some of that might be true, but you're a good person Merlin."

"No, I'm not!" Merlin snaps, "You could never understand what I've done, or who I am!"

"If you just give it a chance!" Algain yells back, getting frustrated. "Maybe we could help you!"

"No!" he screams, tears dripping from his face. "I don't ever want to talk about it! It doesn't matter anymore! Nothing matters!" With a powerful flash of gold in his irises, the walls around them crack and shake.

Merlin, quickly realizing what he reels back in his magic and hangs his head in shame, feeling like the child he is when he says, "I just- I don't want to hurt anyone."

Aglain settles a hand on his back. "You might find that the people who care are more resilient than you think."

Merlin thinks about it. He knows from his past that if he doesn't tell someone, the faster he falls apart. It's been so long since he's let someone care about him like that, enough for him to tell them about his stories and the future that has long vanished. "Can," He swallows. "Can you give me some time to be alone? I don't think I can do it right now."

"Of course," he says standing up. "Know that I am always here for you when you are ready."

All he can do is nod, too exhausted to say much else as he hears the man leave. He takes this brief private moment to silently cry. For the hours that pass, no one bothers him.

No one approaches him to question why the whole castle rumbled, and he knows it's Aglains doing when he simply smiles when Merlin curiously glances over to him.

When there are times he can set his leadership aside, he really does enjoy wandering the Castle and seeing how people are getting along. The fact that people are growing closer and caring for each other despite the hardships always brings him comfort.

In fact, there should be a class going on right now. He knows more than anyone how important it was to teach their youth, for it could change what kind of adults they become in the first place.

Quietly, he sneaks his way into the door and to the side of the room without any of the children or adults knowing. He doesn't want to interrupt if he can help it.

An older man no more than fifty sits in front of the children, him comfortably lounging on a pillow as the chaos unfolds. The younglings are giggling and roughhousing with each other, no doubt needing to burn off energy from being trapped inside.

"Alright alright." He projects, giving a placiding gesture. "Settle down now. We've got a story to tell." The older ones do stop, and give him their full attention and help the younger ones by politely letting them know their elder was speaking. After a bit, they're all focused on him.

"I'm sure a few of you know the story of the Red Rivers." Some of them groan in despair, while others grow pale and huddle closer to their older counterparts. "I know the story's rather scary, but it's important to honor those of our history, and to spread our story so that we can learn from our mistakes."

The man sighs and gets himself as comfortable. Merlin takes that as his cue to get comfy as well. He's curious. He's never asked the druids what happened because he's been so busy worrying about their future, and his memories of the past gave a fractured image at best.

"Before the Blood Rivers, even during our time of peace our lives as magic users had been hanging from a thread. Those who didn't understand us fear us and those who knew us wanted that power for themselves, even if they could not wield it. Yet they were kept at bay because our allies, the dragonlords and ladies kept them at bay with their might. No kingdom dared to upset that peace when a dragon could rain hell on their doorstep.

When Uther, the Blood King killed Camelot's king in battle and usurped the throne, our three High Priestess' at the time had been sent a powerful message by the Triple Goddess Herself. Camelot is the crux for all magic, either it would be destroyed and war would ravage the land, or prosper in a new time of peace.

To ensure a peaceful future for all, the High Priestess of the time sent one of their own to get on good terms with the Blood King. Lady Numith was chosen, and sent. She became the court sorceress due to the Blood King's wife, and for a while there was peace." Numith's name itched at Merlin's mind, a dreadful feeling coming with it, but he shook it off to focus. He needed to know the full extent of Uther's crimes before coming to a clear decision on what to do with him.

"The day came that the Blood King's wife could not bear a child. Any natural remedies they had failed, and no magic from the High Priestess worked. Still, the Blood King was determined and begged Numith for an answer to his problems. She failed us as the High Priestess by telling him there was a way for a child to be born. The Cup of Life."

The children gasp in horror, and the man sighs heavily. "Yes, the Cup of Life. The most dangerous magic to exist. An exchange of one life for another in equal value. She told him of the consequences, but the damage had already been done. After his demands, she gave in. The day his son was born and his wife died was the day peace died."

"Kingdoms learned the dangers of magic and turned against us. The Blood King went for the Dragonlords first, because he discovered a secret that not many knew of their bloodline. For every human dragonlord hunted down, so too did the dragon fall. He took them by surprise and got his hands on dragonskin. One of the few natural defenses against magic in our land. All it took was a scale for each soldier, and before we knew it all of us were hunted.

It was lucky for us that all dragon skin has a date for that natural defense, but by the time we had a chance to fight back too many of us had been lost. Those of us who survived now go into hiding."

The children are completely silent, holding onto each other. Some are in tears, knowing too well of their losses, while others are stone cold. Merlin knows the value of history, but even he is uncomfortable at how dark it is. Yet one raises their hand. "Yes, Trosdan?"

"Tell us about the coming of Emrys now?" All of them brighten at that, chittering to each other. Even the old man smiles gently. Merlin moves out of the room at that, flattered that he gives them so much hope and embarrassed at the same time.

He finds himself in the hallway debating whether or not to go find Algain. Days had passed from when he comforted Merlin, and his mother grew weaker. The man stayed by her side as often as he could. He misses him.

He ends up finding him by his mother's bedside, speaking quietly out of respect for the others visiting the sick and keeping some amount of privacy. Whatever he must have said has Carey splitting her sides in laughter, having a few heads turn her way before she starts coughing up a storm.

Maybe it would be better to leave them alone. As he turns to leave, Carey spots him and smiles. "Merlin!" She weakly yells. "Get your butt over here! I haven't seen you in days!" Algain tries to get her to stop, but she just swats him away.

Merlins comes over before she can shout again, and sits awkwardly by his side. She settles down to grin cheekily. "We're just talking about how he pooped his pants as a kid and tried to hide it from me by burying his pants in the forest."

Horror covers his face as he gapes at Carey. "Mother!" Merlin curls his lips to restrain himself from laughing.

She snickers. "You were such a cute kid, imagine all the faces when he comes to me butt naked and tries to convince me that a bird took them while he was swimming."

Merlin and him share a look before he huffs good-naturedly. "I wasn't the smartest kid in the camp."

"Yet you were always the kindest." His mother reassures, before turning to the boy. "Tell me, how have druids been treating you? Don't tell me that they aren't listening or I'll give them a whooping of a lifetime."

"Ah, no need to do that." He frets, "Everyone's been doing really well lately. They're hardly any fights anymore, and with winter almost over everyone's pretty excited to rebuild."

She grins. "That's amazing. Son? Could you be a dear and see if I can have another blanket?" She shivers and draws the blanket closer to her. "I know there might not be one because there's only so many, but I've been so cold lately…"

He hesitates, glancing between Merlin and her before giving into his mother's big puppy-dog eyes. Sighing, "I'll do my best. I'll be back." Once he was out of earshot, chatting with some of the caretakers for the sick, all the life she had vanished as she slumped further into her sheets.

She sighs, "You look tired deary."

He shifted, "Yeah, I am, a little."

"My son is a good man. He's been so patient with me throughout the years, and I'm so proud of him stepping up into his role as a leader." Her eyes grow misty. "Even as a child, he always listened to everyone first before making a judgment. It's why I truly think he'll be a good leader."

"Why are you telling me this?" He can't help but ask, feeling an ulterior motive to her words.

She sets her hand on his. "I want you to be patient with him. He tends to get a bit distraught when his family is threatened." The tears fall, and Merlin finds himself unable to move from the grip on his hand. "And I know he'll be so lost once I'm gone."

The color of her eyes vanishes into white, and her voice rumbles with the ancient power once more. This is why he never stepped foot down here if he could help it. Anything to do with the prophecy or him only brought destruction to those around him.

"You have done well, Emrys. Yet it is not over for you. As the last snow falls upon the land, so will the Knights of red come to bring more bloodshed. This will be my last gift to you."

Her lids flutter, and Merlin is moved into action. "Aglain!" The man comes to his side quickly, followed by Maia who goes on the opposite side to monitor her.. Merlin let's himself get moved out of the way for the son, who desperately held the limp palm with both hands.

Merlin's seen that kind of desperation before, and he feels like he intruded on a private moment. Taking a small step back, watching the frail woman take her last breath and the quiet anguish that follows.

There wasn't much of a reaction from Aglain, but he heard him speak flatly into the air. "What did she tell you?"

He tensed, chewing heavily on the side of his lip. "S-she told me that Uther is going to bring war to us." Maia's eyes flickered to his, but otherwise, she kept her head politely down.

"I always hoped she would pass away doing something bold, not being your dumb fortune-teller." The man sighed, heavily. "Sorry. I- Please, I'd like to grieve in peace." Merlin didn't have to be told twice.

Merlin stares out one of the few windows they have in the castle, seeing that the snowfall grew less and less every day. It was still too cold to leave for long periods, but he knew that soon it would be all over.

If it was true that Uther would plan an attack just after winter ended, he would need to come up with a battle strategy, but without an army, there wasn't much they could do. He would throw himself into battle, but with his magic, so on the spritz, it was hard to know if he would win.

Even if his magic did work, could he do that without killing every person on the battlefield? That kind of display of power would send fear into every kingdom on this land, and too soon they would find themselves overwhelmed and taken out. He couldn't let Uther win.

Algain had been so upset with his mother's passing that the Council agreed that he needed some time to ground himself, and gave him some time off from being a leader. It hurt his chest every time he would see the man leave the room he was in.

The Council came up with battle plans for what little bodies they had left, but he had begged them to allow him to come up with a different solution so they didn't have to lose anyone.

So much for The Triple Goddess giving him a second chance, he was going to ruin everything.

Algain is an all too familiar presence behind him now, and he can't look at him without the guilt eating him up inside. He has to say, "I'm sorry, I should have never come down there. Whatever you want to do, yell at me or… never talk to me again, I would understand."

Yet none of that comes, as the man simply sighs, and stares out the window with him. "I did hate you, for a bit." Merlin stares at the ground in shame. "Until I figured out that it wasn't your fault, and hating you was unjustified. I hated my mother too, but that didn't last very long." He chuckles humorlessly.

"I'm sorry." Merlin croaks, voice scratchy with all the bottled emotions.

"I accept your apology, but it would have been my mother's last wish to do something like this. Anything to protect what little family we have left. I should be angry at the Triple Goddess herself, yet I know there will always be a reason for what happens."

"I should be angry too," Merlin mumbles, "All she's done is drag me through hell and back several times, to be here. Honestly, all of this happened because I needed to find some answers about myself, and instead, I'm.. 'protecting everyone.'"

"Everything thinks i'm some sort of god, and I hate it. They think I'm strong, but- I've failed so much. I've caused so much pain. I don't deserve all the praise and admiration just because I was born lucky." If they become dust, what does it matter to confessing his greatest grievance.

"People don't get how long I've lived. Or if they do, they can't comprehend living that long. Sometimes it's even too much for me, but I'll always remember the first time that I knew it was never going to be over. Do you mind if I… Talk about it?" He glances up shyly and sees Aglain there listening intently. Somehow, he knew it wouldn't be anyone else. "If it gets too much, I'd understand."

"I don't mind." He says, "as long as you don't mind me not getting every detail."

He sucks in sharply. There's so much he wouldn't grasp, but he would do his best to explain it in a way he could comprehend. Yet he breathes and lets it go. "Could you imagine for a moment, that the land you walk and all the places you've seen, is a small part of what's out there? Our land, think of it as a grain of sand compared to the beaches of Albion."

The man's eyes widen, and Merlin smiles weakly. "War doesn't change much, either. It just gets bigger, and people find cleverer ways to kill each other. Anyways, It started when several large… Kingdoms went to war." He turns away to stare at his feet. He couldn't stand to see what kind of expressions he'll make.

"There was… a little boy. His parent's gone, and no sanctuary for children anywhere. A world so cruel that even adults well off would turn up their noses to the suffering. Everyone selfishly fighting for their own survival. Yet he… fought on. He survived for years on his own. He was only eight when I met him and took him under my wing. The worst part was, out of all the people I knew I could save, all I could do was protect him."

"Even that wasn't a guarantee. We got torn apart, and I failed him. When I had found him again… he was already dead."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and when he looks up the druid is contemplating, before saying, "You know, I've had to make some hard decisions recently, with being the new leader and all that." His face scrunches uncomfortably. "One was choosing who would get medicine, a twenty-year-old, or an old woman. I chose the younger because they were training to be a physician, and we didn't know how much time the older women had left."

He became downcasted, and Merlin carefully put a hand on his shoulder in support. "I still ended up regretting my choice," He says, "the old woman was taking care of a child that now had to find someone else. I almost drowned myself in my own hatred."

"People say that I didn't have a choice. I think either way I would have chosen, they would have said the same thing because they didn't have to make the choice themselves. It took me realizing that my own hatred was affecting all of my decisions negatively from then on, that maybe I had to give myself space."

He takes Merlins shaking hand from his shoulder and cups it in between his own. "We're too hard on ourselves as leaders, as people, and we need to take whatever decisions we make as fact, but to not let it overtake us. Know that it's ok to feel this way, but don't be afraid to let go."

Merlin's crying again, this time when the druid opens his arms he throws himself into the hug and begins crying even harder into the man's shoulder. He lets all of the grief and pain he feels run over him, and it's almost too much- like the glass jar cracking as an ocean dumps into it- but before he knows it the waves have passed.

The pain isn't fully gone, but in a way, he feels calmer. Like the ground won't rumble in an earthquake fashion every few minutes. He can't quite let go yet, but maybe he can learn

"Thank you." He croaks, and he feels a very gentle pack on his back.

"You're welcome."

Behind him on the window seal outside lands a sapphire butterfly with swirling golden lines. He feels silly now, because how could he not think of this sooner? He doesn't need to do anything fancy, as long as he's got something that people will be afraid of.

He'll make sure no more lives are lost, and defend everyone till his last breath if it takes that.