TWs: Mentions of Neglect

...

He woke with a start, kicking off his blankets and making his bed with a sort of frantic frenzy. This same frenzy led to him rushing downstairs, where his father sat eating breakfast. The two Lupins looked at each other momentarily. Then his father turned to the newspaper and Remus self consciously slipped into the shower, determined to be presentable.

Then he cleaned more, as his father had to work until 3 p.m. Remus first set about getting the mound of his and his father's dirty clothes into the washing machine. Unfortunately, being as panicked as he was, he had foolishly made the load far too big which had resulted in a mess of 'All' detergent oozing out of the door. He really hoped he hadn't broken the machine entirely and was too afraid to check, leaving the soggy clothes put for now. Remus then had to clean the mess of soap suds. While wiping the floor he continued to scrub the tiles all the way into the kitchen. Tired from all his scrubbing Remus had then taken a break. Only he ended up wasting hours trying to recreate the scones that his mum would always set out for those rare guests they sometimes had. But Remus had never been very good at baking, and the black smoke escaping the oven was a disastrous reminder of that fact. Luckily Remus had turned off the oven before an actual fire had started and figured leaving the burnt black balls inside would be safer than throwing out the evidence. Remus decided it was best to give up entirely on refreshments for Dumbledore. Instead, he swept and vacuumed, only having a little difficulty in pushing the clunky old Hoover.

Despite his many mishaps Remus had managed to stay distracted and busy cleaning all day and most likely had not broken anything in the process. Once he deemed himself finished cleaning, he realized he was all sweaty and needed another shower. Half an hour later, since he had decided to clean while he was in the shower, Remus sat on the couch. He fidgeted with his clothes as he sat, worried the crumpled outfit he was in because all the other laundry was still soaking would not make a good impression on the headmaster of Hogwarts. In fact, it was very likely Dumbledore would take one look at him and simply walk away. Remus tried not to think like that as he caught himself fluffing the pillow for the fifteenth time. Remus wondered where his father could be.

At 3 p.m. he began to really worry. Dumbledore was due to come at 3:30 p.m., and Remus wasn't looking forward to being caught alone with one of the most powerful wizards in the world, who may or may not know his secret. Then there was a loud POP! Remus jumped to his feet like a soldier, standing stiffly as the green flames roared to life in the hardly used fireplace and an elderly-looking wizard ducked out of the fire with a chuckle.

"Good morning! My, what a lovely home!"

His voice was warm and gentle and he had a white fluffy beard. Dumbledore had electric blue eyes that twinkled with mischief and joy, reminding Remus a lot of his mum's eyes. He smiled politely, despite the nerves that had been rising all morning.

He examined the older wizard closely despite feeling nervous, quickly taking in the half-moon spectacles perched almost lopsided on a slightly crooked nose. Dumbledore's thick beard almost fell to his waist and looked remarkably like freshly fallen snow. All and all Remus found himself oddly at ease with this kind-looking wizard, whose somewhat outrageous purple and pink robes seemed to somehow fit the quirky headmaster perfectly.

"Good afternoon, Headmaster Dumbledore, sir. It's a pleasure," he said, offering his hand forward when he finally managed to stop staring. It's not like Dumbledore looked weird, well, he did, but that's not why Remus was staring. It was just...that he looked...looked so much like a wizard!

Remus's mum was a Muggle and his father always dressed like one, due to the fact his morning job was at a Muggle zoo and his wizarding job came after. Still, despite the initial shock, he had managed to address Dumbledore with the same polite composure he learned from his father.

If possible, the old man's smile broadened, and his eyes twinkled even more. The powerful wizard shook his hand without even the slightest fraction of hesitation. Remus felt cold dread claw at him. Clearly, Dumbledore didn't know what he was. But his dread was second to his manners and he forced himself to focus on his guest.

Remus couldn't figure out if Dumbledore was an undesirable guest or not, but he certainly was a very stressful one. What would Remus do if he was offered a spot at Hogwarts? He'd have to be honest, there was no doubt about it. But what would Dumbledore do once he knew?

Maybe he could turn down the offer. Sure, that was being very rude, which Remus was always taught not to be, but it was certainly better than the alternative. He was getting lost in his thoughts again, as he often seemed to do, and quickly let go of Dumbledore's hand, growing red with embarrassment, as he had been shaking his hand far too long. If Dumbledore cared at all he certainly didn't show it.

"You are welcome to have a seat. Would you like anything to eat or drink?" he asked, politely despite having no idea what he would do if the headmaster accepted the offer. Remus focused on leading Dumbledore to the couch, trying to imitate his mum's calm graciousness she had always had with guests, even the undesirable ones. Brilliant sapphire eyes seemed to widen slightly in shock then crinkled with happiness and sincerity.

"What a well-mannered young man. But you needn't worry about me, I ate a late lunch before I came here."

Remus nodded, unsure what to do next. Being called a well-mannered young man was something he had only ever heard from his mum. He couldn't quite believe the comment didn't sound condescending from this powerful wizard who could easily blow up their whole house if he decided to.

But Dumbledore was looking around the house not as if he was thinking about destroying it, but thoughtfully as if he too was prone to get lost in thoughts like Remus.

"How often are you home all by yourself?" he asked in the same tone one might ask about the weather. But Remus could sense there was a deeper meaning to the question. Suddenly feeling very defensive of his poor father, who somehow managed to deal with him, he responded quickly, with just the slightest edge.

"Not very often, sir."

Sharp eyes now seemed to be piercing Remus' soul, but with a streak of stubbornness that Remus' mum always said he got from his dad, he refused to look away from the man's gaze. Dumbledore's gaze softened with sadness, though he quickly smiled again, still appearing as sincere as before. At least outwardly sincere.

"Loyalty is a trait that will serve you well, should you attend Hogwarts. But I only meant that it must be hard for you since your mum passed."

There was such earnest concern in the statement that Remus took a step back and looked away quickly.

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised Dumbledore knew about his mum's death. He had been his father's favorite professor and they had kept in touch some after Hogwarts, or so Remus had heard. What surprised him was that Dumbledore cared. Why on earth should he care so deeply about some old student's family?

It's not like his father and he were close friends, they were mere acquaintances at best and that was probably pushing it. Still, Remus didn't need nor did he want the headmaster's sympathy and he certainly didn't want to talk about this.

With more tact than he thought possible, he looked at Dumbledore with his 'innocent' honey-colored eyes and smoothly asked, "Were you close to my father? I know you were his professor, but he doesn't speak much about his time at Hogwarts."

Dumbledore kindly let the topic change, and his eyes narrowed in thought then sparkled with delight and a hint of mystery.

"No, I suppose he doesn't. But yes, he was my student, and he certainly had a knack for getting into trouble. I had to give that boy so many detentions. He and his best friend got into lots of mischief."

Remus was stunned, and momentarily forgot he was supposed to be distantly polite and guarded against this man. After all, he had heard very little about both his parents before he came into the picture, nor did he have many people to ask and answer his questions about them.

"Really! Did he get in that much trouble? But he's so serious and strict!" he said excitedly, his eyes widening in joyful surprise, finally appearing as the child he was.

His father's parents had passed away when Remus was a baby, and his uncle knew about Remus' condition and therefore hated him with a passion now. This meant that the only way he could ever get information about his father was through his father, and that wasn't ever likely to happen.

Dumbledore sat on the couch and gestured for Remus to join him, still smiling. Remus hesitated and sat as far away as he could without seeming rude. His discomfort and wariness disappeared quickly again as Dumbledore launched into several stories of his father's days in Hogwarts and the mayhem he and a girl named Rosy Danhew caused together.

"They were inseparable. Those two were attached at the hip from day one. They looked similar so people always assumed they were siblings and goodness did they bicker as such," he laughed, a deep belly laugh that seemed to make the little house warmer and more alive.

"Whatever happened to Rosy Denhew, Headmaster?" he asked, growing rather sad, realizing he hadn't once heard mention of Rosy. Not that his father let Remus meet his friends, but if Rosy was like family surely he should have met her at least once.

He noticed Dumbledore's gaze grow serious again. A pearl of wisdom was in those eyes that reflected terrors Remus suspected even he wouldn't be able to fathom, and he had been through a handful. He shuddered suddenly, suspecting he might not want to know the answer.

"I'm sorry, Remus, but I don't believe that's my story to tell," he answered solemnly, and the atmosphere changed from the lightest the house had ever experienced back to the tense silence that usually filled the house.

Remus shifted on the couch, unsure what to say to Dumbledore's respectful yet grave response. Clearly, there was something terrible that had happened, and Remus could hardly imagine what.

Luckily, he was saved from responding, by his father's timely arrival. He stepped through the fireplace looking as haggard as he always did upon returning home.

"Remus, make sure you get ready. Albus will..." He trailed off suddenly, a choking sound emitting from the back of his throat as his eyes bugged at his guest sitting on the couch. He looked at his watch as if worried he was late, but it had been Dumbledore who was exceptionally early, there was no doubt about that.

Remus realized perhaps Dumbledore wanted to talk to him alone, because now that his father was here Remus was standing upright and rigid again and, unlike with Dumbledore, he now seemed to have lost his voice.

"Lyall, it's been too long."

While most great wizards or witches may have said this without meaning it, the sincerity in Dumbledore's voice was once again shocking. His father seemed to feel the same way, but he shook Dumbledore's hand with composure and politeness, as those were two traits Lupins always had.

"Good um...e...evening, Albus, it's a pleasure," his father said in a quiet voice that held great respect.

"Oh, I assure you the pleasure's all mine," the old man responded jovially, making his father glance from his old professor to Remus, as if dubious of that statement.

"If...well, if I had known you'd be arriving earlier I would have hurried home sooner," he explained, quite apologetic. Remus took in his father's dirty clothes, the reek of animals wafting off him. His poor father looked so flustered and embarrassed that it was rather painful to watch. Remus certainly hoped he hadn't looked like that when addressing Dumbledore.

Sure enough, the handshake lasted too long, and just like Remus, his father seemed to jolt himself out of some thought and quickly apologized again for his absence and appearance.

"Don't worry, Lyall, the fault is mine for arriving so much earlier than we had agreed. By all means, don't feel bad. I assure you that I have been enjoying getting to know your son immensely."

Remus flinched as his father's almost accusing eyes fell upon him. He could hear the unspoken accusation that Remus had done or said something foolish.

"I must say you have an exceptionally well-behaved son, Mr. Lupin. His manners are most impressive, especially for a mere boy of eleven." Remus would have felt something close to pride if his father's gaze wasn't still scrutinizing him.

"Eleven?" his father asked, sounding distracted. Remus flinched again, feeling shame rise up in him at the fact his father had once again forgotten his birthday. His eyes flickered to his father who stood by the fire and who had gone rather pale, though Remus didn't know why.

Remus couldn't quite meet Dumbledore's eyes anymore, once again reminded there was no way he'd be speaking to him so kindly and respectfully if he knew what Remus was. Clearly, there had been some mistake, maybe he could simply tell the headmaster to leave before he found out and the incredible kindness he was showing Remus turned to scorn.

If Dumbledore realized that Remus' father had forgotten his birthday he made no mention; instead, he gave a slight flick of his wand after pulling it out of his robe pocket, grinning mischievously.

"Silly me! I almost forgot to give you your present, after all, it would be rude of me to come here the day after your birthday without a gift!" Dumbledore continued, with only the slightest edge to his voice, as if there hadn't been an awkward exclamation from Mr. Lupin. As if Dumbledore hadn't somehow been able to decipher that Remus' birthday had been dismal and lonely.

However, Remus hardly had time to consider this, for his suspicion about the headmaster had turned into outright astonishment. He even felt his mouth hanging open and quickly shut it.

"Y...you didn't have to," he stammered, unsure what else to say. He could feel tears threatening to form in his eyes, unsure how to feel about this misplaced gesture.

"But of course I did, my dear boy. It's not every year you turn eleven," he chuckled as if he had just said something particularly witty and then produced from thin air a lumpy package he thrust into Remus's hands.

Remus' surprise turned once more into suspicion and discomfort. Was this perhaps one of those presents his uncle liked to give him, ones that made his hands burn or made him feel like he might puke? He didn't even realize he was gazing mistrustingly at Dumbledore until the headmaster put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Well go on."

He opened it carefully tearing as little of the paper as need be and sliding a beautiful wool robe into his hands. He studied the black material realizing with a jolt the shiny emblem sewed into the robe, the Hogwarts crest.

"B...b...but..." he stammered, hating the way his voice had raised three octaves and that his usual composure had cracked, as the tears he was fighting so hard against sprung to his eyes.

"Sir, I can't accept this. You don't understand, I can't go to Hogwarts. It's not safe. I'm not safe," he rambled, high pitched, hardly able to keep back the tears as he stared at the robe he knew he'd never wear and avoided the gaze of the man who clearly did not understand.

"You have an illness, Remus," Dumbledore said kindly, his sympathetic tone drawing Remus' tear-filled eyes to meet his kind but sad ones. "This illness is the only thing that sets you apart from anyone else. This isn't something you should be punished for." He glanced past Remus looking behind him to gaze at Lyall rather sternly.

"In no means should you be punished for what you've worked so hard to control when you do your utmost to make sure no one gets hurt but you."

Defensively his father was staring Dumbledore down, a vein twitching in his neck that signified his building anger.

"You can't possibly let him into a place filled with innocent kids! You can't let loose a potential threat. You can't let a predator into the castle and just expect it to work out!" His father sounded so resolute and Remus' heart plummeted, feeling rather numb and hollow.

Remus didn't understand. His father had wanted him to go to Hogwarts. He wanted him to succeed to be normal, it was all he ever wanted. So why was he attacking his son and jeopardizing his one chance when he had been so stern about Remus possibly doing the same thing?

"Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore addressed him sharply, no longer using his first name. "I assure you that there are precautions set in place to ensure everyone's safety. I know you love your son and I insist you show this love by letting him attend school. Education is vital for a child, and don't you believe Remus deserves an education?" The headmaster was now much closer to Lyall who had looked away about halfway through the headmaster's passionate speech, his cheeks red.

"Yes...yes of course. Provided there are the appropriate measures taken," his father mumbled, his anger replaced with embarrassment and, no doubt, shame in his monster of a son. Remus felt sick, he didn't want to be here.

He wanted Dumbledore to leave so he could curl up in his mum's blanket and cry himself to sleep. His father was looking at him now, they both were. With a jolt, Remus realized he didn't catch what last had been said.

"We were just agreeing that it seems the decision is yours and yours alone to make, Remus. I for one would be honored to have you attend Hogwarts. I know that you have had to deal with more than any child your age should have to and I hope that you will find a safe space to be a child, as well as a school that can do well by you, and that makes your dreams come true."

Tears were running down his cheeks now, he couldn't help it. But Dumbledore smiled, letting him turn away and rub his eyes. He couldn't believe it was his choice, he glanced at his father whose expression was unreadable and stone-faced as usual. Then he looked back at Dumbledore's patient and kind eyes. They were waiting for his response.

Unable to speak, he nodded slowly, feeling dizzy and entirely overwhelmed. Tears leaked out of his eyes again and he ducked his head before either adult could notice. The small embers of hope that had somehow stayed alive in him throughout the weeks had exploded into a bright fire that filled him with warmth, touching him to the core. His mum would be so happy, and he hoped his father was too, deep down.

Hogwarts! He could hardly believe it, even though he had permission, even though he was told he could go. He let out a sob, quickly covering his mouth to muffle the noise. He had to get a hold of himself or his father was going to get angry and be even more disappointed and ashamed of Remus than he already was.

"You really will let him attend?" His father sounded as disbelieving as Remus felt. But now Dumbledore seemed to only have his attention set on the trembling boy in front of him, and with a gentle hand, he guided Remus' chin so he couldn't hide his large, tear-filled amber eyes. It was the way Dumbledore spoke to him, very gently and with more kindness than he could possibly deserve, that kept tears running uncontrollably down his cheeks.

"Can I take that as yes, you'll attend?"

Despite the tears running down his cheeks, Remus couldn't help but smile as the realization finally finished sinking in. This was reality, this was the truth, Remus Lupin would be a wizard!

"Yes, yes I will. Thank you so much," he responded breathlessly and excitedly. Dumbledore had let go of his chin and now offered Remus a handkerchief, smiling. He took it, going red, and quickly wiped his eyes.

"Thank you," he responded again, unable to thank Dumbledore enough. Did he realize just how much this meant to him?

"Think nothing of it. Thank you for being such a lovely host and for agreeing to attend my school." He responded as if Remus had only been thanking him for the handkerchief, but Remus felt Dumbledore understood and tucked the cloth, wet with tears, into his pocket, holding close to the unsaid promise it represented.

As he did this, Remus nodded, blushing more, very unused to all this praise.

"Thank you for stopping by and...and for giving my son a chance." His father sounded breathless as well. Remus took the momentary relief of piercing blue eyes to fully compose himself and pick up the robe, holding it out in front of him. The glorious robe seemed to be tailored to fit him.

"Well, go on. Put it on," came the headmaster's encouraging words, followed once more by a kind laugh, a laugh that filled Remus with hope, an incredible brilliant hope.

He put on the robe that fit him perfectly and chanced a glance at his father, who was staring at him, transfixed, his cheeks rather pink and his eyes filled with something Remus couldn't quite place. Of course, Dumbledore didn't just come here to deliver presents and good news. Therefore, they spent the next hour listening to the precautions already beginning to be put in place.

Dumbledore stressed the importance of secrecy and on delivering himself in a timely fashion to Madam Pomfrey, who would escort him to the Whomping Willow once a month. He was assured that very few of the staff knew about his condition and that those who did wouldn't treat him any differently.

Remus appreciated the way Dumbledore addressed him as well, not talking over him, as most adults did as if he couldn't understand. However, Dumbledore eventually said he'd like to talk to Lyall alone so he was excused to his room as the adults talked.

Even though he desperately wanted to hear, he shut his door like the responsible boy he'd be sure to be. Remus sat on his bed, staring at the official acceptance letter Dumbledore had given him. He stared at it in awe until a soft knock brought him back to reality.

"Come in," he said with more calm than he felt, and he sprang to his feet as the Headmaster of Hogwarts came into his room. He glanced at it, no doubt taking in the cleanliness and books put away with the utmost care. As he took in the small room a slight frown touched his lips but was gone so quickly that Remus was sure he'd imagined it. He wouldn't start thinking Dumbledore was already regretting his decision to let Remus attend Hogwarts, he couldn't bear to go there.

"I must head out now but I will see you this fall. And Remus...don't be in a rush to grow up too fast. Being a child is a time of utmost importance. Good day."

Then he was gone before Remus could say goodbye. He ran to the balcony, almost falling over it in his haste. Despite how quick he was, Dumbledore was somehow already stepping into the fireplace.

"Thank you, sir!" he shouted, and swore he received a sincere smile in response before the flames disappeared and with them, his Headmaster.