By 10 am LA time Kate was passed out on the couch again. She tried but just couldn't stay awake. Around 1pm she awoke to the sounds of Sara and Amelia laughing outside on the lawn. She sat up and rubbed her eyes groggily. A few minutes later Sara stood in the doorway watching Kate yawn.

"You're awake! Did you have a good nap?" she smiled and kissed Kate on the forehead.

"I did thanks, still feel a bit groggy but good"

"Mama" Amelia yelled and ran into Kate's arms.

"Hey little miss. I've missed you so much! What are you guys up to? Are you hungry?" Kate cooed.

"Hungry!" Amelia exclaimed and laughed.

"Good because I'm starving. Want to make some omelettes?"

Amelia shook her head enthusiastically although Kate doubted she actually knew what an omelette was.

Sara laughed and tickled Amelia.

"Did you get any work done?" Kate asked Sara.

"A little, I'm wrapping production on the EP tomorrow" said Sara. Kate felt a gush of pride. Sara was spending a lot of her time producing for some up and coming artists and her work was really good. People were now starting to queue up to work with her.

"That's awesome. When do you start with the next one?" asked Kate.

"I don't know. Putting the brakes on a bit. I'm tired"

"Are you okay?" asked Kate concerned. She frowned and touched Sara's cheek.

"Sure, I'm just pacing myself. Something you still need to learn how to do"

"Don't start Sara" Kate snapped and walked to the kitchen.

The phone in Sara's pocket started ringing. She answered after two rings after seeing Tegan's face on screen.

"Hi Sar" Tegan sounded upbeat.

"Hi Tee, what's up? How are you?"

"I'm fine. Had a bit of a… boo boo this morning. It's embarrassing more than anything"

"What happened?" asked Sara sounding nervous.

"Ryan… he fell and hit his head. I had a bit of panic attack and…"

"Oh my god is he okay? Are you okay?" Sara exclaimed. Kate walked back into the room looking worried.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine, he's fine"

"Hang on, Kate's here. Let me put you on speaker"

Tegan told the story again, in more detail this time.

"So yeah, they're keeping me in the clinic for the afternoon just to make sure I'm fine. But I am, I swear I am. Kate put the fear of God into the poor Dr King"

"I did not!" Kate chimed in.

"Anyway, I thought I'd let you know because I know you'd be pissed if I didn't and you'd find out anyway"

"Shit… just take care of yourself okay" said Sara sounding spooked.

"I will… I miss you guys so much" said Tegan softly.

"I… we all miss you too Tegan"

"I need to go. They here to take my vitals again. I love you guys. Speak to you soon" said Tegan sounding teary.

"Love you too Tee" Sara and Kate replied.

-0-

"Alright, all still on track. Just lie back and relax. Oh I spoke to Reese a few minutes ago. Apparently they're all having a great time. She's teaching them Jujitsu" said Tori.

"Martial arts? I want to do that! Can I do that?"

"I bet you can in a day or two. You're not going to be fighting anyone. It's mostly no contact, slow movements and conditioning in the beginning so I think it might actually be good for you. Cam joins class regularly. She's a black belt"

"Really? She didn't tell me that. Wow!"

With that Cam entered the room carrying snacks and drinks.

"Wow what?" she smiled.

"A black belt in judo huh! I'm super impressed"

"Jujitsu actually" Cam blushed.

"I haven't really been practicing for the last like… 5 years or so but I'm slowly getting back into it with Reese. Did you know she's got a dojo here in town"

"Really, even better! I can officially join a class or something and you can help me on the side" Tegan sounded excited.

"Um… I guess" Cam frowned.

"You don't think it's a good idea?"

"I didn't say that, just don't want you to get hurt. That and it's a big commitment"

Tegan rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Tori said it's not too strenuous in the beginning. She thinks I can do it. And I'm in, I'm committed. I need something like this for myself"

"Okay, see how it goes. We'll talk to Reese about it tonight"

"Cool. I've been putting off getting some self defence training. And I know this isn't self defence per se but it would help to know how to kick a guy into next Tuesday"

Cam smiled uncomfortably thinking about Tegan in any kind of danger.

Tori left a few minutes later. Cam and Tegan tucked into the snacks on the bed.

"So, how are you feeling?" asked Cam.

"Good, felt a bit shaky earlier but I'm fine now. Breathing cleared up great and Tori said my vitals are fine"

"Good, did she run more bloods?"

"Nope"

Cam frowned slightly.

"So, do you want to tell me about this doctor thing" asked Tegan.

"What doctor thing?"

"The thing you mentioned back at the house. That you are one"

Cam paled visibly and looked down.

"Hey, it's okay. It's your story to tell, we don't have to talk about it. I understand completely. I'm sorry for being nosey"

"It's fine. I think it might be a good idea to talk about it actually"

"Okay… just take your time. You can stop whenever you want to" said Tegan, she could almost feel the tension radiating off Cam.

Cam took a minute. She stared out of the clinic window at the windswept dunes outside.

"Alright… where do I start… by the way I'm not one anymore… officially at least"

Tegan just nodded. Why wouldn't she be a doctor anymore? Did she fuck something up? Did she make a mistake that killed somebody?

"I know what you're thinking… no, I didn't kill anybody" Cam laughed but she looked stressed wiping the palms of her hands on her shorts.

Tegan blushed at the thought of being so transparent.

"I went to Harvard Med. All was just peachy. Loved it. Thought I found my calling. I got my first choice of residency pick in the Emergency Medicine department of Boston Med. I was on top of the world. Dr O'Bannon, KT… she was doing her trauma surgery fellowship when I was a second year. We weren't best friends or anything but she was cool. We worked together exceptionally well. I really learned a lot from her. Always helps to have some trauma surgery experience and knowledge even if you specialise in emergency medicine" Cam seemed calm while telling the story. Her tone suddenly changed and became sadder.

"In my first year of residency I met this oncologist at the hospital. She was in her third year of residency. I was instantly smitten. Her name was Jo… or Joanne really. We pretty much moved in together after like three dates. We were good together. Most of the time anyway. I loved her… god how I loved her. So, anyway… in my third year of residency Jo got offered a really prestigious fellowship… In Seattle. I was flourishing in Boston and I didn't want to leave but I loved her. She took it and we tried long distance for about a year. It sucked so hard… So I applied to transfer to Seattle when a residency spot opened up in the ED. It was a good hospital, no, it was a great hospital. No reason I couldn't finish my residency there. O'Bannon was pissed of course but she got over it. So I get to this hospital in Seattle and I get the worst chief resident in the world. He made my life a living hell. I went from loving going to work to dreading it every day. The guy asked me out when I first started there and just wouldn't take no for an answer. Started stalking me and when I pretty much had enough of his shit I confronted him, I think I scared the living crap out of him" Cam laughed, so did Tegan.

"Told him to go fuck himself basically, and that even if he was a decent human I'm into girls. From that day on I was enemy number one. The prick turned everybody against me. Anyway, I'm a big girl, thought I could take it. Sorry for the long, winding story but I'm getting there"

"I'm sorry that happened to you Cam. And I don't mind the long story. Take your time" Tegan smiled.

"Oh the hard part is still to come" Cam sighed and put her head in her hands. She inhaled slowly and let it go slowly. When she looked up at Tegan again she was pale and clammy.

"You okay? You look a bit pale" said Tegan.

"I'm fine" said Cam and got up.

"Just going to get a drink of water. Can I get you some" she asked softly.

"Yes please" said Tegan and watched her walk away. Worry suddenly clamped around her gut. Cam was clearly upset and that was not Tegan's intention at all.

-0-

Cam stood outside in the hallway next to the water cooler trying to pour a cup of water but her hand was shaking so badly she had to put it down on the water bottle.

"Cameron? Everything okay?" asked Tori walking towards her.

"Yeah. I'm fine" said Cam looking and sounding everything but.

"You're super pale, why don't you just sit down for a minute and let me check you over"

"No I'm fine, really. Just… I don't know"

Tori gently guided Cameron into her office across the hall.

"Tegan's waiting for me"

Tori opened the door to Tegan's room.

"Tegan, can I steal Cameron for a few minutes? Won't be long"

Cameron didn't hear the reply but assumed Tegan was okay with it when Tori pushed her into a chair. She took her wrist in her hand and took Cam's pulse.

"Take some deep breaths, your heart's racing" said Tori calmly.

"I'm fine" said Cam shaking her head.

"What's up?"

"I'm okay, just give me a minute" said Cam with her hands in her hair.

"Alright, take your time"

"I'm telling Tegan…" Cam blurted out.

"About what? Your heart transplant? I thought she knew"

"No, not that… and no she doesn't know. I'm telling her… about Jo"

"Okay… That must be really hard Cam. I know you don't like to talk about it"

"It feels as if… as if I'm right back there"

"Why do you feel the need to tell her?"

"I need to explain the whole doctor thing to her and I can't if I don't explain what forced me to decide not to be one" said Cam sounding frustrated.

"I understand"

"And she's shared so much with me"

"Tegan's lost her wife, I think it would be good for the two of you to talk. And I think it's a very, very good thing that you're opening up to someone"

Cam just stared at Tori for a minute.

"I know. I feel… I don't know… safe with her. As if I'll be okay, even if it rips my heart out to tell that story"

Tori smiled but looked concerned.

"It's okay Cameron. It's okay, trust her"

-0-

"So, how are things at work sweetie?" asked Sara where she was sitting between Kate's legs on the couch, leaning into her body.

"It's fine. Had a good day yesterday. Did a pretty groundbreaking surgery. We haven't done anything like it at our hospital" Kate went on to explain the surgery to Sara.

"That's amazing, I'm so proud of you" said Sara and kissed Kate's hand.

"Thank you" Kate smiled and kissed Sara's temple.

"Just before we went in the kid pretty much insisted to take her toy cat into surgery. The cat was, well let's just say the poor thing's seen better days. She wanted me to fix her too. Had a rip in the leg and it was kind of grubby. So we took it into surgery with us, in a sealed plastic bag mind you since it was filthy. Well we let her see it first wearing a surgical mask before we took her in. After surgery I took the thing to the skills lab and surtured the leg up. I sent it to the laundry to be properly washed. By the time she woke up she had a clean cat, complete with surgical quality stitches, a mini cast and to top it off, an IV. Well a capped one otherwise we'd have one wet cat, kind of hard to find a vein" Kate laughed.

"Oh my gosh how incredibly sweet are you" Sara gushed and kissed Kate's cheek.

"She was upset though because the cat was clean! Didn't recognise it. Took me ten minutes to explain that we had to clean him up for surgery so he wouldn't get an infection. That kind of shut her up"

"How's she doing now?"

"Bubbles or the girl?" Kate laughed.

"Both" Sara smiled.

"Kimmy's just fine now, took a while post surgery to get her out of the woods though. She's stable, wants to go home already. Bubbles is still on IV fluids but we've managed to wean him off the oxygen" Kate laughed.

"You're amazing. Not a lot of people would even think about something like that, nevermind do it. I'm sure you had better things to do that stitch up and cannulate a toy" said Sara.

"If it makes my patient feel better then it's time well spent. Anyway, gave me a few minutes of peace and quiet actually"

Sara turned around and kissed Kate on the lips.

"You are so, incredibly amazing. I love you. I adore every bit of you" Sara whispered and kissed Kate again.

Amelia babbled something on the floor and Sara broke the kiss.

"I need to stop at that while I still can. Little eyes" said Sara and sat back.

Kate just smiled looking tired.

"So was that your only surgery?"

"Oh… no, we a heart valve replacement and an appendectomy"

"Jeez… no wonder you look like death warmed up"

"Thank you" said Kate rolling her eyes.

"You're supposed to be taking it easy" said Sara.

"I am taking it easy. Yesterday was a pretty easy day, groundbreaking surgery or not"

"An easy day would have been you home at 6 in the evening, not 4.30 in the morning"

"Sara, don't start"

"That your defense? Don't start?"

"I wasn't operating last night, most of the time I was lazing in a recliner doing paperwork"

"You should have been lazing in your bed, sleeping" Sara snapped.

"You know how this goes, this is my job! I couldn't leave until Kimmy was stable. Not this time, not this surgery"

"It's always some excuse Kate" said Sara now pacing around.

"Here we go again…" said Kate with her hands in the air.

"I just want you to take care of yourself. You look like hell Kate. I know you, and I know you're exhausted and you're not feeling close to 100% yet"

"I am… I'm 100%. Sure I'm tired but I'm always tired when I'm working"

"Exactly my point"

"It's my job Sara"

"Saxon told me you'd be on 8-10 hours a day max for a while once you were cleared for duty"

"Yes, in a perfect world I guess that could happen"

"Katherine, listen to me" said Sara calmly, not to upset Amelia playing a few feet away.

"You have a child. You have wife. You have a responsibility towards us to take care of yourself"

Kate stared at Sara.

"Okay Sara" she sighed. "I'll try"

"Please do more than try… I just want you safe" said Sara mild as a kitten again. She sat down next to Kate.

-0-

A few minutes later Cameron came back into the treatment room.

"Here you go" she smiled shakily and handed Tegan her water.

"Thank you. Everything okay?" Tegan asked softly sounding concerned.

"Yeah, all good. Where were we?" Cam asked and sat down. She nervously wiped her palms on her shorts again. She took a deep breath.

"You don't have to do this if…" Tegan started.

"I want to" Cam said fast.

Tegan nodded and swallowed hard.

"One day we went for a hike. We loved hiking and climbing. We were fighting the whole way, about how unhappy I was and how I wanted to go back to Boston. Jo was so happy in Seattle though. She called me selfish, I called her selfish. Eventually I was just so tired of fighthing about it I pushed to put some distance between us. I must have been about 50 feet or so in front of her. Suddenly I heard a yell and turned around, Jo wasn't there. She just… wasn't there. I ran back and… um… I…" Cam stammered and closed her eyes. She looked even more pale and clammy than before.

"Take your time" Tegan said soothingly.

"I was screaming for her like a maniac. Then I saw it… a piece of earth that gave way, we were hiking on a ridge and… I… I looked down and I… I saw a piece of her leg about… maybe 50 feet below"

"Oh god…" said Tegan looking upset.

Cam put her hand in front of her mouth and just stared at her feet. A minute later she continued.

"I immediately called 911. I abseiled down to her. Took me forever to secure the line, I was shaking so fucking much. When I got to her, her eyes were open, she looked so scared. I could tell it was bad… very bad. She couldn't move, she had blood coming out of her mouth and ears. She was struggling so much to breathe" Cam was now crying. Her face contracting in anguish.

"I told her I loved her, told her to hang on… begged her to stay with me. And she tried… she tried… I did what I could with the small first aid kit I had. I opened her airway, I reset her broken legs. She was still there. Her pupils were equal. After a while she whispered that she loved me. She was really struggling to breathe now, I stuck a drinking straw into her chest and a fucking pen into her trachea to keep her breathing. And then I just held her…"

Tegan was crying now too, she remembered all to well sticking a needle into Kate's chest not too long ago. And she remembered falling, she remembered lying at the bottom of that revine.

"I'm so sorry Cam" she whispered.

"The rescue chopper got there. We tried to stabilise her on the ground but we were losing her fast. She obviously had massive internal bleeding and a head injury. She flatlined twice in the helicopter but we got her back. We got her back. Just before we landed I noticed her pupils were uneven and sluggish. And then we got to the hospital, the one where I worked and I had to leave her, they physically dragged me kicking and screaming out of the trauma room. I hated them for that… Fuck I hated them"

Cam put her elbows on the bed and her head in her hands. Tegan just closed her eyes to try and pull herself together. This was awful just listening to.

"She… died there… a few minutes later" Cam said softly while staring at the sheet on the bed.

"I'm so sorry Cam"

"Thank you" Cam sighed, she was quiet for a minute after that.

"I thought… I thought that if we could just get her there… get her to the hospital, she'd be okay. And we did, we got her there… and then they lost her. They should have saved her. I know, I know… it doesn't work that way but in my mind, at that time, it did. I hated them so much, I blamed them for not saving her. I pretty much lost it, I punched my boss and I screamed out of there that I quit and I'm never coming back" Cam gave a weak laugh.

"They gave me some space at first, and then they sent in the calvalry. At that stage I was just lying in bed the whole day staring at the wall. They sent everybody they could to get me out. Even Reese and KT. Didn't work. I just didn't think I could do it anymore, I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to work in that place anymore. I never wanted to see a hospital again. So… I packed up my stuff, put it in storage and took a 6 month trip to Alaska. I did some guide work for river rafting and hiking trips. Little bit of medical work out in the bush. It was nice. I enjoyed it, but I thought about her all the time… all the time. When I came back I was a bit more in control I guess but I still couldn't even entertain the thought of going back into an ER. I was stupid… I never did get any professional help. I saw an ad for a rescue special ops officer and I went for it. It suited my sense of adventure and I could still help people. I loved it from the very first day" Cam smiled.

"Did you tell them? That you were a doctor?" Tegan asked.

"Oh hell no, they just thought I caught on very fast" Cam laughed.

"You can be a flight doctor can't you?"

"I suppose… but I'd have to finish my residency at some point and… I don't know if I still have it in me. Been gone too long. Anyway, I let my license expire" Cam shrugged.

"Nonsense. If it's what you want to do I'm sure that…"

"Who says it's what I want to do?" Cam asked calmly.

"Sorry I just assumed that…"

"I do, I want to do it but I'm scared. I'm not the person I was when I was a resident. I'm not… I guess I lost my mojo, my confidence"

"Its normal to be scared… I'm scared all the time, of everything" said Tegan and took Cam's hand.

"It will be a long, tough road back... IF I decide to ever go down that road" Cam sighed.

"You have a gift Cam, and skills. You should at least consider it"

"Yeah… okay. Can we talk about something else now, I'm all cried up" said Cam and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.

Tegan favoured her with a smile.

"You're going to be okay kiddo" she winked and patted Cam's hand