No real warnings for this chapter, I know this one has been a long time coming... but trust me, we're building up! Again, I don't own Twilight & yes, I 100% brought Midnight Sun & yes, I'm 100% pathetically obsessed with this franchise AGAIN!
The house is empty by the time I get home – Charlie must be working late. I breathe a sigh of relief, this means I have time to prepare to tell him I'm going to be a cheerleader, and also explain the black eye that is starting to develop after my brief introduction to female wrestling.
I spend the rest of the night in my room alone, I breeze through my biology homework, and then finish off reading The Catcher in the Rye for English; I've read it before, but I enjoy the book so I don't mind reading it again, and truthfully, it keeps me distracted.
It's nearly 10pm when my phone rings.
"Hi, mom", I say with as much energy as I can muster.
"Bella, you sound happy. How are you doing? Charlie told me about your conversation, I know it's late but I wanted to check in", Renee has always been a talker and it doesn't take her long to spill how she feels out to me.
"I know it's not great, sweetie. But we just want you to be happy. He's just a boy", the last part hits me right in the heart.
"You know, I don't really want to talk about him", I reply curtly.
"Okay", her voice wanders off, recoiled by the rejection. "How's school?"
"I'm going to be a cheerleader", I announce, making the very much surreal that much real.
"A cheerleader? Really?", she tries to cover the shock in her voice but it's too late. "Oh, Bella. That's not like you, but I think it's a wonderful idea", happiness floods into her voice.
"You do?", my doubt begins to seep in. I know I'm not right at all for the role of preppy, blonde cheerleader, but in a way that might be a good thing. I think.
"Of course, Bella! You're young, it's important to try new things – especially at your age", I can almost hear her clap with glee. "Oh, Bella! This is such a wonderful step for you. This will be good for you, I really think it will".
Her enthusiasm washes over me in a wave, and the tiredness suddenly hits along with it. This happens quite a lot recently. The happiness and glee of others is no longer an infectious feeling, but something that makes the part of me missing set alight, and remind me that I really am all alone in my sorrow.
"Mom, it's late. Can we talk this weekend?", her positive attitude irks me and truthfully, all I really want is the day to end. The quicker I go to sleep, the quicker I can get through the next one, and the next one, and the next – so long as the nightmares stay away.
I wake the next morning – nightmare free, they're getting better, or maybe I'm getting used to them. For if it isn't nightmares, it's the emptiness I feel.
Or perhaps things are getting easier, I lie to myself. Plaster on a smile, Bella, get through another day. I take a deep breath and refuse to let any more tears fall.
My eye twinges in pain as I do. Moving from my bed, I look in the mirror and see the fully developed black eye that caresses my face. Purple, blue, and yellow dot around my eye is perfect disarray, the colours stark against my translucent skin. A battered rainbow.
With no makeup to cover it, I decide to hold my head high and embrace it. I'm clumsy enough, I've had much worse. The bite mark on my left wrist glistens up at me as a stark reminder.
Pulling my hair off of my face and into a ponytail, I yank on a slogan t-shirt and some old jeans from the back of my wardrobe, making sure I pack fresh gym clothes for my first practice, I pull on my converse, grab my bag, and head downstairs.
Charlie is nursing a cup of coffee and reading the paper when I enter the kitchen.
"Morning, dad", I smile toward him, waiting for the worried father act to begin.
"Mornin', Bells", his coffee cup hangs mid-air as he clocks the bruise on my face. "What in God's name happened to your face?", he starts to jump from his chair. "Who the hell did this to you?", he tilts my chin to see the bruise closer in the light.
Yanking myself free from his grasp, I begin to lie. "It's nothing to worry about".
"Nothing to worry about?", he cuts me off. "Isabella, you have a black eye!".
"Dad, stop being so dramatic, please", Charlie raise an eyebrow at me incredulously. "You and I both know I've been through a lot worse, it was just a little trip", he recoils at the reminder of last year's incident, so much so that he doesn't notice my lie.
I'm a terrible liar, and Charlie doesn't deserve it. So, I swiftly change the subject in a bid to distract him.
"Oh, I forgot to mention", I try my hardest to sound nonchalant, "I'm going to dip into my college fund a bit to pay for some cheer stuff", I smile, however, by his reaction, it looks more like a grimace.
"Cheer?", his shock quickly distracts him from the bruise dominating my face. "As in cheerleading? You?"
"Yeah, I mean, I thought it'd be fun to try something new", I put more effort into my smile this time, but end up feeling more awkward than anything else.
"Bells, I meant more go see your friends. Since when were you into cheerleading?", his confusion dances across his mouth as the idea starts to make him laugh.
"Since now", my stern tone silences him, "besides, it looks good on college transcripts", and at the mention of the c-word, Charlie's eyes light up and I know the conversation is over.
"Well, don't take it out of your college fund, okay? How much is it? I'll pay", he turns to reach for his wallet.
"Dad, you don't have to! Honestly, I've got it covered", I can't take his money for my experiments, truthfully, I don't know how far I'll have to go with them. It'll be best to keep Charlie as far away as possible.
"Bells, let me do this", he turns his back to rummage for the money, and I seize my opportunity.
"Thanks, Dad. But I've got to run to school, have a great day", I rush out the door and briskly walk to my car.
Starting it up, I gently peel down the drive and towards school before Charlie can flag me down.
I play with the radio as I drive to school. I've avoided any music up to this point, but today that changes.
Taylor Swift comes through the stereo, tears well in my eyes as she sings about a Lover. By the time I reach the school parking lot, tears are flowing freely down my face and the radio is quiet.
Steadying my breath, I clamber out of my truck, pulling my bag out with me, and slam the door shut.
I'm relatively early today so the parking lot hasn't filled up yet. I take a moment to indulge my own sickness and look over to the spot where he and they used to park. A knot builds in my chest again.
Shoving it back down, I head to the registration office.
Ms Cope is tapping away at her keyboard, her long nails scratch at the keys below as she focuses on whatever is on her computer screen.
I clear my throat. A startled look crosses her face as she jumps back in her chair slightly and clocks the state of my face.
"Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry, dear, I didn't notice you there", she smiles warmly toward me, trying to cover her earlier shock. "How can I help you this morning?", her eyes dart from the bruise to face and back again.
"I was wondering if I could pay the fee for cheerleading, the uniforms and whatnot", I ask, ignoring her twitchy gaze. I give her an awkward smile, embarrassed to admit the reason as to why I'm there.
Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise and she pushes her glasses back up her face.
"Cheerleading? Oh, well congratulations! Of course, I'll just need you to fill in these forms and I'll get it all confirmed for you", she hands me a clipboard and taps quickly on her computer again.
The forms are menial questions at most: bank information, sizes, name, the usual. I fill each box in quickly, hoping to get this over with before anyone sees me.
I wonder what he might think of this. He'd probably laugh.
But that didn't matter now.
"Bella?", Ms Cope drags me from my wandering wishing. "All done, dear. Your uniform should arrive in a few days, we'll call you when it's ready".
"Thank you", I smile softly, grateful for the interruption.
"Have a good day, dear".
I walk from the office as the first bell rings. I head to Biology, a familiar pain growing in my stomach. Each time I hope that I'll see him sitting there, each time I'm disappointed.
Piling through the door with a few other students, it's to my complete shock when I find that the chair that used to be filled by him, is now filled by someone else entirely.
And in that moment, I know things are about to shift.
Is it obvious that I'm not 100% sure how the system for cheerleading works? Probably... but here we are! I'm from the UK, bear with me, kind readers. I hope you like it (please, like it!), let me know what you think!