The next day was uneventful, Tegan thought it was positively boring without Cam around. She was getting used to having company. Also, it left her with way too much time to think. By the time Tegan put the kids to bed she was feeling depressed. Lindsey's face, her voice kept popping up in her thoughts. "I miss you so much baby" Tegan sighed and sat down to call Sara.
Tegan and Sara made some small talk, talked about the kids. Tegan sensed that Sara was a bit down. "So, where's the wife?" Tegan asked.
"Where do you think?" Sara sulked.
"Aye, sorry Sar"
"You don't have to be sorry. Guess I knew what I got into"
"She seems to be working her ass off these days"
"She is. And I get that she's got a lot to catch up on. I get that she's busy and stressed and what not but I really think she's overdoing it. She's pushing herself to the limits here and I'm not liking it. She's exhausted all the time when she's home and she looks like crap. I don't know what to do anymore, she keeps telling me she's fine and I shouldn't worry"
"I don't know what to tell you Sar. Once she puts her mind to something it's really hard to get her let up. Honestly, I think you should get her to talk. Something is not right and I don't mean physically. If she doesn't want to talk to you don't push her but get her to talk to Violet, or Sax or anybody. Preferably a professional"
"I've tried!" Sara moaned.
"I don't know Sar… just love her. Just be there for her. This must be hard for her"
"Uh huh" Sara grunted sounding close to tears.
"So, what have you been up to today?" asked Sara keen to change the subject.
"Not much. We just chilled around the house today. Went down to the beach for an hour or so"
"Just you and the kids?" It was obvious Sara was trying to fish about Cameron.
"Yeah just us"
"How are they?"
"They're fine… I think. They still ask for her quite often. And then we talk about it and they seem okay. They're having the time of their lives here but I can tell that something is off. They're just not 100% themselves yet, I guess none of us are" said Tegan sounding melancholy.
"Hang in there. You know I'm always just a phone call away right"
"I miss you guys" said Tegan softly.
"We miss you too. So much"
"Come visit! You'll love it here" Tegan's voice sounded a lot more enthusiastic than a few minutes ago.
"I would love to Tegan. I'll talk to Kate about it but I don't see her getting, or rather taking time off work soon although she really needs to"
"Okay well… you and Amelia can come"
"I don't want to leave her here alone Tee. She's way too fragile right now. Don't tell her I said that"
"I understand" said Tegan dejected.
"I promise I'll try my best Tee. I really will"
"Okay, I better run. Think I hear one of the kids" Tegan lied.
"Alright, love you Tegan"
"Love you too Sar"
"Call me if you need me"
"You too"
-0-
Cameron lay in her hotel room bed in Boston staring at the ceiling in the dim light. She sighed. She hated to admit it but she missed Tegan and the kids. "Don't be ridiculous" she mumbled to herself and turned on her side. Tell her… you need to tell her. Cameron thought to herself. She doesn't need this shit though. She's been through enough. She'll just worry and I don't want that. I'm fine… I think I'm fine. Fuck, wish it was tomorrow this time… by that time I would have my latest results back and be back in Provincetown. Shit… I need to tell her. We're getting closer… as friends and I don't want to lie to her.
-0-
"Dr Morgan… the scans are up" said one of Kate's residents. Kate sat staring out in front of her looking tired. "Dr Morgan…" Kate didn't reply.
"Kate, snap out of it, scans are up" said Sax loudly and slapped Kate affectionately on the cheek.
"Sorry, what?" said Kate.
"Scans" said Sax and frowned.
"Oh, thanks"
"Are you okay?"
"Fine thanks. Okay what do we have here" said Kate studying the computer screen.
"You sure?" Sax pushed.
"Yes! Just had a really long day and it seems to have no fucking end today" Kate huffed annoyed.
"Want me to take this one?"
"Nah, it all looks fine. Smith, page ortho to come take care of that leg". The resident left the room.
"How's Tegan doing, you talk to her recently?"
"She's doing well. Spoke to her yesterday. Called her doctor again today. Everything seems to be fine, medically at least. Emotionally… don't know, I think she's getting there"
"Sara told me last week that she's spending time with Cameron"
"Yeah, I'm glad she found a friend over there. I don't want her to be all alone"
"Kind of weird that they ran into each other on the other side of the country though huh"
"Uh huh" Kate grunted. "Very weird" Kate gave a massive yawn.
"Go home Kate" said Sax.
"Yeah, after evening rounds"
"I'm worried about you" Sax sighed.
"Gimme a break" Kate sighed and rolled her eyes.
"You look like crap Kate"
"I'm fine. Thanks for worrying but really, I'm just tired. Par for the course I guess"
"Let me check you over?"
"No time, sorry. Rounds then home and bed! Gotta run. Don't worry Dr Sinclair" said Kate over her shoulder.
-0-
The next afternoon Cameron stopped by Tegan's house on her way back from Boston. Tegan came sneaking out of the kids' bedroom and down the stairs.
"Hi" Cameron whispered.
"Hey! They're finally down for a nap" Tegan mouthed. She gave Cam a quick hug. Cameron briefly held her breath and felt a tingle run up and down her back where Tegan touched her. Stop that! She's just a friend. Cameron scolded herself.
"Let's go out to the deck" Tegan smiled. "Can I pour you a drink? I have wine, frozen margaritas, soda… um… beer"
"I'll have a beer, thanks" Cam smiled. Her hands were suddenly clammy and her mouth dry.
"How was your day yesterday?" asked Tegan handing Cameron a beer.
"Oh… fine thanks. How was yours?" Cameron didn't go into detail.
"Fine, quiet" Tegan shrugged.
"Did you go to jujitsu this morning?"
"Yeah, was awesome" Tegan smiled. "Really starting to get into it"
"I'm glad. Must be nice to get some me time for yourself too?"
"Yeah, I mean I love spending time with my kiddos but it's nice to have something just for me"
Tegan and Cameron made small talk for a few minutes. They were obviously very comfortable in each other's company by now but Cam seemed nervous"
"Tegan" said Cam sitting up on the chase lounge. She threw her legs over the side.
"Yeah" Tegan frowned.
"I… I have something… um… do you think we could go for a walk on the beach. Could the team maybe listen out for the kids?"
"Yeah, I'm sure it would be fine. Give me two minutes" said Tegan getting up.
Cam wiped her sweaty palms on her shorts.
"Okay all set" Tegan smiled a few minutes later and led the way to the path that went down to the beach.
"You want to talk about something?" Tegan asked.
Cameron sat down on the cool sand. The day was cooler than usual and grey clouds hung low over the ocean. Cameron hugged herself subconsciously.
"You cold?" asked Tegan.
"No, I'm fine thanks" Cam smiled nervously.
"Okay, I'm listening, take your time"
Cameron took a deep breath. Her whole body was now trembling.
"I need to tell you something" said Cameron softly, staring at the waves. Tegan stayed quiet but put her hand on Cameron's where it was clutching her knee.
"Um… It's not a big deal or anything. It's just… Ugh let me just start. A week or so after your accident I got sick. It was just a cold, I didn't think anything of it. I kept working, but I was exhausted. I felt terrible but I had my final training physical of specialty training ahead of me and I didn't want to postpone that. The tests only come around once every 6 months. I just wanted to go home to LA."
Tegan listened intently as Cameron spoke. She had a frown on her face.
"I was stupid… fuck I was such an idiot. I somehow thought it would be safe to do the toughest physical in emergency services while I had the flu. Well I completed it… yay me" Cam snorted. "And then I collapsed at the finish line. Woke up in the ambulance"
"Oh my god Cam… are you okay?" Tegan exclaimed looking shocked.
"I am now but there's a big part of the story that still needs to come"
Tegan swallowed hard. "Go on"
"So… the virus attacked my heart, viscously! I got something called viral cardiomyopathy caused by myocarditis. They told me that I probably would have gotten it even if I didn't push myself so much on that training run but I don't know… Anyway, my heart just got weaker and weaker. I had a few major scares with my heart going into undesirable rhythms. I just… well I was really sick"
Tegan looked as if she'd seen a ghost. She swallowed hard. "Fuck" she whispered.
"So eventually gave me an implanted cardiac defibrillator and pacemaker. That worked for a while. When my heart went out of rhythm it paced me or gave me a little shock. My heart was weak though. I got tired really easily, was out of breath constantly. They took me off active duty and I was riding a desk. One day at work I just went down. My heart stopped and the implanted defib couldn't get me back. Lucky for me the station is full of paramedics" Cam laughed nervously. She was pale as a sheet.
"They got me back somehow after a hell of a long struggle. After that I was in hospital. I was so weak I couldn't even go to the bathroom. They told me that it didn't look good. My heart was failing fast. They had to give me a VAD or a ventricular assist device. My heart just couldn't cope anymore"
"Oh god I think I'm going to be sick" said Tegan looking pale as a sheet.
"I'm sorry…. Should I stop?" asked Cam sincerely.
"No… go on, please" Tegan swallowed hard.
"They told me I needed a heart transplant. Soon" Cam sighed.
"Fuck…. Fuck, fuck…. Are you okay now? Did you get the heart? I mean I guess you did you seem okay now?" Tegan asked sounding frantic.
"I did… just when I thought it wasn't going to come. I got a new heart. I really thought I was saying goodbye. The transplant went very well and was without complications. I felt a million times better a few days later. Unbelievable how much better I felt. Since then I went through cardio rehab. I take a lot of medication to prevent rejection and I will need to for the rest of my life. I go for regular cardiac biopsies to make sure that I'm not rejecting. So far everything's been fine. I'm on forced medical leave for a while though"
"Are you… I mean, can you still do that job? Are you okay?"
"I will be, doc said I should be able to get back to like 98% if I work hard and follow my post-op regime religiously. They'll probably make me ride a desk for a few months though"
"Thank god" Tegan sighed staring at her shoes. "This is all my fault" she said softly and looked up at the horizon.
"What?"
"You got sick because you were out there in the freezing cold looking for me"
A/N: I know I'm in big trouble for not posting in such a long time. To make it up to you I'm posting three, yes three chapters today. Stay tuned.