Several weeks had passed since that day. Sam and Dean didn't allow her to go on hunts anymore since she almost got herself killed with a werewolf because her head wasn't in the game. Truth be told, she didn't really care about hunting right now. She didn't much care for anything and it was starting to show. She barely said a word to anyone and only spoke when necessary, did a lot of research for the hunts, but mostly stayed in her room the rest of the time. Her brothers and Cas tried talking to her, but didn't get very far. Dean tried resorting to tough love by yelling and trying to get through to her and when that didn't work, he tried the calming and understanding approach. She appreciated the attempts, but didn't really see the point in trying to help her.
She sat on the edge of her bed, her mind going to the same person that it always did. Crowley. Her heart ached as she finally admitted to herself that she was in love with him. His rough exterior, his scent, his sense of humor, she missed it all. She had convinced herself that he deserved better, deserved someone with less baggage and maybe a little less human. Her fingers played with a delicate gold bracelet that Crowley had given to her and she smiled a little as she thought of it.
She was sitting in the car outside the diner, waiting for her brothers to finish speaking to a witness when the seat beside her was suddenly occupied. No matter how many times he did that, she would never get used to it. Her heart skipped a beat and she jumped, instinctively reaching for her weapon. 'No blades through the heart today, love' he said with a smile. Her heart melted and she smiled, biting her bottom lip slightly. 'My brothers are close, they could see you any second.' She leaned in ever so slightly, letting him take the next move. 'Well I like to live dangerously. Besides, it's been so long since I've seen you, pet.' He leaned forward and brushed his thumb over her cheek. She smiled and closed her eyes, her heart racing at the gentle touch. 'I would hate to keep my king waiting' she breathed, anticipating a kiss at any moment. He leaned forward and gave her what she was wanting, his soft lips pressed against hers before slipping his tongue into her mouth. After a few moments, he pulled back and she groaned with disapproval. 'I've missed that' she whispered, opening her eyes to his filled with lust. 'You have no idea, love' he said in his thick accent. 'I have something for you, pet. I want you to always think of me; whenever I'm here, when I'm not, if you ever need a pick me up.' He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a gold bracelet. 'This is yours. You're mine and I want every damned creature to know.' She smiled and looked down at the bracelet, then back up to him. 'I love it. Thank you.'
She set it back down on her nightstand and stared at it for a second. With the rage that Crowley left in weeks ago, she was sure he would come back and snatch it and was surprised that he hadn't. Her eyes flitted a few inches from the bracelet to settle on the blade that rest on there. Her mind was racing with too many overpowering thoughts. Did she want to do this? Was she better off dead? What was dead anyway? She would never escape.
Everyone else seemed to be moving on with their lives, Sam and Dean were hunting with Cas. They informed her what the demons told them about Crowley, that he was back to his old self and sleeping around. It was what she wanted, it was what he apparently needed. She kept telling herself that everyone was better off without her. She closed her eyes and let a few teardrops fall down her cheeks. 'Cas. I'm sure you're busy…but I need help. Please. If you find time.' It wasn't long after she opened her eyes that she heard him enter the room. "I always have time for you, Katherine. What is wrong?" She heard the deep voice and it was like her walls broke down. Tears were streaming down her face now as she looked up to Castiel. "I need help" she whispered.
She knew her brothers wouldn't understand, but hoped maybe Cas would. "I've thought about hurting myself" she whispered, looking at the blade, then down to her feet. She was ashamed to actually admit it aloud but knew she needed help. "I'm starting to remember bits and pieces of that night, but I try to keep myself from remembering it all. But mostly…I miss him. I miss Crowley. And I think I even love him. I've just screwed up everything and it feels like I can't be happy." Once she gushed everything out in what felt like one breath, she relaxed and then dared a glance to the angel.
"I can help you forget, Katherine. All you have to do is say the word and I'll help you forget that night" he stated. She nodded a little and looked back up at him. "As for the rest. I can't do much to assist you there. Perhaps speaking with your brothers will help you? They want the best for you. We all do." He walked over and took the blade, then sat down next to her. "You deserve to be happy. I don't want you ever thinking that hurting yourself is the answer. Talk to your brothers, maybe get back into hunts, find what you love."
His last words resonated with her and she smiled, kissing his cheek. "Thank you." She smiled and walked down the hall, approaching her brothers in the kitchen. "Hey." She sat down at the table and took Sam's cup of tea, drinking it. The brothers looked at each other, then looked to her. "Hey yourself. You doin' okay?" Dean walked over to her and felt her forehead, making her smile a little. "Yea. I just was wondering if you'd maybe let me go on a hunt with you guys?" They were hesitant, but after much pestering, finally agreed to it.