As Toriel carried me, I looked around the ruins to see if there was anything I could use to end my life. The ruins were cute with the red leaves that popped out with the purple walls. But there was nothing deadly. "Are you in pain my child?" Toriel asked, concerned.
My stomach dropped, the cuts don't hurt, but why do I always get these amazing caring people? There was silence, it seemed like the world smiled in my favor.
She was walking through a room. I looked down to the floor to see it was filled with spikes. Without hesitation I got out of Toriel's grasps and jumped into the spikes.
I couldn't remember a lot after that. I could remember the sharp multiple spikes and how they impaled my back. Then I felt Toriel's hands picking me up and a few of her stray tears. The last thing I remember was hearing her say something about Chara? I lost consciousness…
When I woke up I was on my stomach and my head was on its side. I felt Toriel tending to my wounds with a washcloth. It stinged but I stayed silent because I started to hear her say something.
"I need to protect this child. I can't let her go down the same path as Chara. But she probably w-" I slowly opened my eyes. Seeing a worried Toriel with a bowl of water and washcloth.
I realized I had my onesie to my hips. She could see my scar ridden arms! Maybe she hasn't seen them yet? I moved my arms to face forward but then I realized she could see my wrists.
" My child, you're finally awake!" I could see her smile come back but it wasn't warm. " I will heal you now my child. As I do, can you tell me why you fell out of my arms?" I felt the same warm feeling that I felt when I first met her. What will I tell her? Oh I know I'll tell her that I was so comfortable I fell asleep in her arms.
"I was so comfortable in your arms that I fell asleep, then I lost my grasp and fell." She seemed to believe my story, or at least from what I could tell. The warmth left. I felt my back and wrists and the wounds were gone. Another failed attempt, my smile came back. I can't bring her down so I should look happy.
I pulled up my onesie to find the back was drenched with blood and had these 4 huge holes. I guess those spikes would have killed me without her.
"Hey Mom, do you have any clothes that would fit me?" I died a bit inside when I said that.
I can't remember the last time I called my real Mom 'Mom', she lost the honor of that title a long time ago. But I was filled with a bit of hope that she would let me call her that.
"Huh did you just call me 'Mom'? Well I suppose that would make you happy? To call me 'Mother'. Well then call me whatever you want!" Her smile regained its warmth which filled me with relief. "About the clothes there's shirts in the closet and there's a drawer there are pants. I'll leave and I'll be in the kitchen." She was about to go and then she asked me this question out of the blue.
"Do you prefer butterscotch or cinnamon?"
I thought about this for a second, I didn't really know what butterscotch was. "Cinnamon!!" I said with a true smile as I thought about the yummy smell of cinnamon.
"Would you turn up your nose if you found butterscotch on your plate?"
"Nope I love all sweets." I realized I was happy, I have a loving mother and she cares about what I think.
This is wrong. I don't deserve a happy ending.
She nodded as she left the room. I can kill myself in this room, all I need to do is be creative. I got up and changed. I had a long sleeve shirt that looked like my onesie and I had basic black pants. I looked around and saw a cute little room. It had wood floors and the rest of the room had orange.
But I have to stay on task. From what I found I have two ways to kill myself. One I could break the picture frames glass and cut myself. Two I could strangle myself with a lamp cable.
I went to the picture frame and grabbed it. All it is just a frame, nothing else. No picture, no glass, just the frame. The corners were even shaved down so they weren't sharp!
There's still plan B Frisk, calm down. I went to one of the lambs and grabbed the cable but it was drilled into the wall! I couldn't pull enough to wrap it around my neck. Was 'Chara' suicidal? I left the room in defeat.
"Mom?" I said looking for her in this new house.
"Over here my child." I followed the sound of her warm voice. When I entered the living room my nose was pleasantly greeted by the scent of sweets and all my worries went away. I walked to the chair that Mom was sitting in to ask her about that amazing smell.
"Do you like snail facts?" Mom said, trying to restrain her excitement.
"Well who wouldn't!" I've always had a small interest in creepy crawlies. But honestly I didn't like them that much.
"Did you know that snails make terrible shoe laces?" I was puzzled by that statement. I never would use a snail as a shoelace. But I never explicitly thought they were horrible shoe laces.
"No I didn't. Are there any good bug hunting spots around here?" I thought about how Suzy and I went bug hunting when we were little. But I might be getting too close to Toriel. When I die I don't want to burden her with my death. Then again I was too deep when I called her 'Mom'.
"Yes I do! I can show you my favorite bug hunting spot!" She seems happy with me. I need to go far away from here and die! I'll lie and tell her I want to go home.
"I made a pie for you. But it hasn't cooled down yet." My mouth started to water at the thought of pie but I stayed determined to go. "Perhaps you should take a nap."
"No, I want to go home." My vision started to blur. I thought about how she must feel and how selfish I am.
"What? This is your home now. Um, would you like to hear about the book I'm reading? It's called '72 uses for snails.' How about an exciting snail fact?" She looked excited to share. I wanted to say 'Yes I love random facts!' But I couldn't. I don't deserve her. I need to die.
"No thank you. How do I exit the ruins?" I was smiling trying to not let the tears out. I tilled my head like a curious puppy.
"I have to do something. Stay here." Once she left the room I lost my composer. I leaned into the side of the chair and slid down against it.
Thoughts hit me like bullets, no wait like nukes. Tears streamed down. Normally I wouldn't lose myself like this, I'm not supposed to. I'd cut, make an attempt on my life or drink my brother's booze. Brother, haha he'd be so mad if he knew that.
I felt my emotions getting out of control. I raise my hand and quickly force it against my face.
It stung my face and it sort of got me back to reality. I continued doing this. I would describe what I'm thinking but you wouldn't get it, no one would. After a while I recovered but my face still burned. I checked my pockets to see if I was forgetting anything. I managed to fit my bandages and my stick in there.
I walked to the entrance of her house. Before I left I turned around to see a basement in the underground? I don't know how but it somehow had me feeling intrigued. I walked down step by step as I was drawn more in. When I went to the basement and Toriel saw me.
"Down here is the exit to the ruins. I'm going to destroy it! Please go up stairs." Her voice was cold and emotionless, but I continued.
"Oh you look just like Chara with your cheeks all red. You can't kill yourself like they did. Go back upstairs." Those words burned, am I really that transparent?
This is why I need to die. I can't protect the people that I care about! She can see my pain. But if she knew what caused this pain she would pity me.
"Who's Chara?" I said, trying to change me from being the attention. Toriel seemed saddened by this. She sat on the ground and signaled me to come to her.
I sat right next to her. "Have you ever heard of the war between humans and monsters?" I shook my head no.
She told me the story of the war and the first human. She told me all the gritty details about Chara's self harm and their suicidal tendencies. Then she told me how she lost her children and the divorce that followed.
I hugged Mom when she was done talking. " I'm sorry you and all monsters had to go through that. Sadly, I still want to go home. Like you I value my family." I was trying to keep up with my lie. After I heard that I know my life doesn't matter and I need to go.
She seemed to understand that. Mom had a sigh in defeat. " Ok my child I understand. When you get used to the ruins they seem to be smaller. It would be selfish for a lonely old lady like me to keep a growing child here. But…" She looked through her pockets and pulled out a small square. " You have to call me ok?" She put the flip phone in my hand. Sadly I won't be able to call in awhile.
"Ok!" I smile and put my phone in my pocket. "Will always remember you Mom." I got up and put my hand out for her to get up. She got up and grabbed my hand.
"Follow me I'll show you to the exit of the ruins." I followed her and she stopped at a door. I looked up at her when she looked at me. Mom wrapped me into a warm hug.
"I will miss you. But when you go through that door don't come back." Then she walked away and took one last look at me. I pushed the doors open and was greeted by Flowey.
"I bet you feel terrible. You tried to die but Toriel wouldn't let you. You're gonna have a rude awakening. Purely by your determination. You have the ability to play God!"
Determination? God? I can't have the power to play God. Wouldn't I have used it by now?
"When you experienced that, no human or monster could handle that. Will you give up on this world entirely and let ME inherit the power to control it? Or will you stay and suffer? Hehe this will be interesting."
Then he left, sinking into the ground. I was alone, am I some guinea pig to him? I wonder what 'power' is this. But I don't deserve the power to be God. I deserve to be burning in hell.
There was another door that was seemingly never ending. I pushed it open, expecting another door. I was surprised to see snow everywhere. It was so cold but I continued on. It was a snowy forest with trees littered everywhere. I walked forward looking for anything to end my life. It was cold and there was a terrifying silence.
I began to run trying to escape the silence. I ran over a branch and a few moments later I heard it snapped! When I looked to see what broke it there was nothing. I need to get out of here.
I made it to a bridge and I stopped to catch my breath. As I wheezed for air I heard a voice.
"Human. Don't you know how to greet a new pal?"