I woke up from a bad dream. I heard that child's voice again in a dark place."Chara, please…"Why is it always their name and not mine? Oh, wait I remember I'm a piece of trash some scum that no one cares about. But Chara on the other hand was one of the heirs to the monster kingdom. They were hope for the monsters. Most of all they could die! "Wake up! You are the future of all humans and monsters." It felt like I couldn't breathe. As if the darkness from here was in my lungs.
I woke up gasping for air. With my luck when I was finally breathing I was greeted by a throbbing pain in my head! Ow thinking of that exclamation mark was too loud. But I deserve that pain. Remembering what happened last night I was left with a startling question. Where am I? My eyes slowly opened. It was too bright. Is there ever night time around here? As I rolled over debating if I should get up. There was a note next to me.
"Sorry but I the great Papyrus has captured you. I locked you into the guest room until Undyne arrives. Feel free to make yourself at home. Refreshments and accommodations have been provided." Ugh, do I have to say sorry to Grillby? What if I just stayed here and did nothing? What's the point of doing anything? Once I was about to bum around I remember. If I make up with Grillby I can drink again. This pain can be gone. I just hope Papyrus won't be mad about me leaving.
As I got up it felt like I ran a mile yesterday. I was so sore all over. Looking around it was like I stayed in a dog house. There was dry food, a dog bed, and a chew toy. The door was unlocked. It was so bright outside but persevered. I wonder if I scared off Grillby last night. Before I went into the bar I checked my phone with false hope.
Maybe Mom called me and maybe I'll try to be a happy person. My fantasies were ripped from me when I read there were no recent calls. I had two types of thoughts. Type one is me trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Like she was busy hunting snails, getting grocers, or she has a life.
"Scuse me." Someone said and I stepped to the side.
"My bad." I didn't look up. I was busy being bombarded with type two thoughts. Like she hates you, who could love you, I bet she's making fun of the fact you called her, and these thoughts came like a fish to water. After a minute I was able to juggle these thoughts as I walked in. I was just expecting everyone to talk amongst themselves.
"Hey Frisky thanks for starting that poker game last night." A dog said in a cloak. But before I could question it another dog that looked the same took out a coin bag.
"Hi, here's your winnings from last night. We should do it again sometime." I think that is a girl? She threw me the bag. I didn't get how I won this but it was money that I could buy drinks with. I was broke without it. I continued my walk to Grillby.
"Hiya Frisky. Thanks for the girl talk last night." Did I blackout in the middle of my binge drinking? Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to torture myself over this or if I'll drink to it. I made it to the bar. Before I could say a word the same bird cut me off.
"Hey Frisky. Thanks for the advice last night." So last night I gambled, had whatever girl talk is, and was able to give advice. It was like I was in Cheers. I'm a way better person drunk. I should always be drunk.
"Grillby I'm so sorry about what happened last night. How much do I owe you? I'm really sorry." I was ready for the worst. But he just shook his head. "I'm sorry for how I acted. Are we cool?" Grillby gave me a thumbs up and a smile. I heard someone talk in a voice that sounded familiar.
"Welcome to the tab club kiddo. Grillby just put your stolen drinks on your brand new tab." I looked to see who it was. I was Sans. Oh god I bet he hates me. He didn't have his jacket on. I bet I ruined it after puking all over it.
" Sans I'm sorry for puking on your jacket." I love all of my jackets. They made sure no one would worry about my cuts. He hates me. He'll never forgive me. He's acting like he likes me. "Grillby can I get a drink?" I can't deal with these paranoid thoughts. But he shook his head pointing to a sign. 'Under 21 No Alcohol' The rest of the beaten up sign was too rusty to read. "Aww come on Grillby."
What if he hates me too after I kissed him. Grillby is playing the silent act. Maybe Sans would tell me. I turned to Sans. "Sans, could you remind me what happened after I kissed Grillby? I kinda blacked out." I put on an embarrassed smile trying to fear. Why did I have to blackout? Why am I not 21? Cut your self. I remembered my savior. You need to suffer for the pain you brought.
It might have taken him a minute to think about what happened. But in that minute I romanticized self-harm. Longing for that blade against my skin the amazing feeling that comes in the moment. The beauty that comes with the blood that follows. The thrill of hiding a limb covered in cuts. Feeling the sting of fresh cuts against cloths. Maybe getting carried away and cut too deep. All I need is a sharp object.
"Wait you forgot what happened?" I looked up seeing Sans' restrained excitement. I'm going to win an emmy for my performance.
"Nope, not a thing! But now you got me wondering." I gave him a look of wonder adding a smirk. Do I have anything that I could cut with?
"Well, that's very humerus. Tibia honest if I were you I'd be scared to the bone." He was pointing to his bones. I don't have anything sharp but I think I could buy something. I gave him the realest laugh I could muster and he seemed to buy it."But I guess you have thick skin." Then he joined in on the laughs. Once we quieted down he continued. I could cut anywhere! No one could get mad at me for it."Well Frisky, Grillby gave you a lecture about how he saw you as a daughter, not a wife. Let's just say he gave you the works." Did I tell everyone to call me Frisky? Well, it's too late now.
"Aww thank you Grillby!" I shouted at him. I'm a screw-up.
"Then when we got to the inn he put you down. That was my mistake letting you walk around. There was snowbody there. When we looked back you were far away shouting something about it being hot." I giggled at his pun. I didn't do what I think I did. Did I? I'll hurt myself for that.
"We walked over to you. Then you tried to take off your shirt. Lucky we were able to stop ya." Fat ass! I was able to take off my shirt. They'd be disgusted.
"We took ya to my house to crash on my couch. Before you passed out you were crying about something. You were rambling mostly. I didn't understand all of it." What did I say? What would make me cry in front of anyone? What did he understand? I can't believe I broke one of my rules.
"Wow, that was embarrassing. Do you think there's any way I could get Grillby to give me a drink?" I put my hands behind my head in a carefree way as I reminded myself what my rules are. I have two rules. One never talk about any feelings unless it's happy. Two no matter what never cry in front of anyone.
"Na. Either way, why do you wanna drink when everyone here already loves ya?" I should just tell him that it makes me happy. That's why normal people drink.
"It just makes me feel happy!" I gave Sans a thumbs up. I need to leave. I need to cut.
"Welp sorry but gotta leave for work. See ya later Frisky."
"Oh, I have to go too. I still need to see your brother right?" We began to walk to the door.
"Ya, you do. But he's harmless." Then when Sans walked through the door he was gone. I walked forward in this quiet town. I made myself alone. Pushing everyone away. It felt like I had a weight on my chest. Snap out of it Frisk you just need to cut. By the time I realized this it was too late. I was consumed in this fog. I continued to blame myself for being alone. Tell I heard the loud voice of Papyrus.
"Human. Allow me to tell you about some complex feelings. Feelings like…" I stopped in my tracks. I wonder if he'll talk about real stuff or if it will be unicorns and rainbows.
"The joy of finding another pasta lover. The admiration for another's puzzle-solving skills. The desire to have a cool, smart person think you are cool." Maybe I do have someone that likes me and cares about what I think of them.
"These feelings... They must be what you are feeling right now!!!" I got my hopes up. I shouldn't have done that. I was mad at myself no one cares what you think. What could I cut with? If I sharpen a stick maybe.
"I can hardly imagine what it must be like to feel that way," I remember when my Dad told me that. The day before he went away.
"After all, I am very great. I don't ever wonder what having lots of friends is like. I pity you... lonely human…" I am lonely. But I don't want to be pitied! I'm tired of people's pity. I spiraled down. My hands in fists. If I had longer nails I'd be bleeding. In just a moment we were in a fight. He had bones go toward my soul. It was an instinct to have my soul get hit. The bones fell off to the side like a conveyor belt. For my move, I needed one of these bones. It could hurt my soul I could cut with it.
"Say could I have one of those bones." I saw the stars in his eye sockets.
"Of course human. Nyeh heh heh!" He was happy. I quickly ran over and grabbed one. It was cold and smooth. Not very sharp but I could change that. The bone was flimsy enough to break but good to cut. This time when he attacked my H.P. was low so I should die soon. Sans couldn't be mad if his brother killed me right? I rammed my soul into the bones. Once my H.P. was at one he stopped fighting. I didn't get it everyone else killed me when they had the chance but him.
"You're too weak! I was easily able to capture you!" Before I knew it I was back where I woke up. Did I die? I felt the bone in my hand so I guess I didn't.
I can cut! I got up and quickly broke the bone so it could have a sharp end. I looked at the end and it was sharp. Testing it on my finger. Moving the bone with speed my ring finger was bleeding. I recklessly rolled up my sleeve with my bleeding hand. I lifted up the bone before swiping it on my inner arm. Normally I'd cut on my legs because it was a safe bet no one would find out. But cutting here was like gambling. Risking your life for some thrills. I missed this so much.
"Loner, failure, good for nothing, drunk, depressed, liar, everything's my fault!" I shrieked to myself. Every word I said was a reason to cut. Soon I was hearing a siren song. It stopped me. Debating if I should cut my wrist. I had the bone up against my wrist. But I remembered something that Sans told me. I have to make Papyrus happy. Dropping the bone I saw my arm covered in blood and filled with cuts.
Ugh, Suzy will be so mad when she sees this. Wait she's never going to be here. I'm alone. The blood started to drip off my arm onto my pants. Luckily they were black I wiped the blood off and put the halved bone in my pocket. As I got ready to see Papyrus again.
I have to do this. He deserves to be happy. When I got outside it was colder than usual. My arm felt cold. But I didn't let that shake me I ran to the foggy area. I had a feeling he was there. When I made it I had my hands on my knees gasping for air.
"I suppose this- Wait human are you ok?! Your arm is red!" I looked at the arm that felt cold. My shirt arm was drenched in blood. I was filled with fear. I'm getting sloppy. Papyrus finding out is like a child putting it together. That's why it was so cold. If I die I could avoid this next time.
"Hey umm… Papy could you turn around and count to 100?" Did I just call him 'Papy'? I guess I could change that next time around.
"Did you just call me 'Papy'! Ok I'll do it." He gave me a smile before turning around which made me feel guilty. I got knots in my stomach. As I walked towards the water noise. I began running when I heard him say '50'. My teeth chattered in this cold water. It was freezing! I swam to the bottom before I lost consciousness.
AN: Hello amazing people. Thank you thank you to everyone who favorited and followed my story. Especially to everyone who's left a review! It makes me super happy with each one. It helps me remember that people actually like my writing.