When I woke up I was alone. What did we do last night, Frisky poo? I wondered as I stretched out. I was greeted by my normal hangover. Oh ya, I drank with Sans last night. I got up to see that blue flower. I distinctly heard the flower say on repeat.
"Ya know I don't really wanna die I just wanna stop thinking." I heard Sans' snores in the background. So at least he didn't hear me. I said that last night. I was so mad at myself. I did everything I didn't want to do.
"I ate a quiche because I related to it." I wonder if that healed me. "Let me check." I pulled my sleeve and guess what? My cuts were gone. I continued to scold myself out loud. "I made a twisted game out of things I want to forget." My hand instinctively reached for my pocket and grabbed a bone. I should suffer for everything I did. I sat up looking over my body for the best spot to cut.
My eyes fell onto my legs. Thighs would be best. I pulled down my pants and lightly traced over my thigh with my index finger. It was like the first time I did this on my thighs. My legs were so smooth, not a scar to be found. I began to cut. My first cut wasn't good at all, it was shallow. I need it deeper. "It's my fault that I cried in front of everybody." I began to slash my right leg.
"It's my fault I got drunk with Sans." My pace quickened "It's my fault I felt bad for a fucking quiche!" That was too loud. I grabbed my throbbing head. When I got a look at my leg it was spilling out a river of blood. I couldn't see how many cuts I've made through the blood. I'm alone truly alone.
"Come on cinnabun." I heard Sans say.I quickly moved my legs to my chest under my jacket and I was filled with panic. No why did he come back? This is another reason why I hate Sans. "We got to take care of Frisk." I felt the blood begin to spill over onto my shirt. What should I do? Think, think I looked over to Sans and he began to walk towards me. I should pretend I have a killer hangover. I put the bone in my pocket and pulled up my hoodie. It wasn't the best time to come up with a plan but at least I had one. The flower is repeating everything I said before.
"Morning Sans." I said in a tired deep voice. Maybe that will change what it's saying. He stood there in front of me with a napkin holding a cinnamon roll. He looked at the bench expecting me to move over. I couldn't if I wanted to I guarantee there's blood on the bench. Will he want me to eat?
"Here you go. Sans approved hangover cure." He said as he passed over the cute bunny-shaped dessert. He sat down on the floor next to me. I just hope the blood didn't spill through the gaps on the bench. "So kiddo did you blackout last night?" Ok, how do I get away without eating?
"Nope, I remember the night. I just can't believe all the things we did." I tried to keep up my act despite my fear. Sans put his hand underneath the bench. Don't worry I didn't bleed that much, right? I wrapped up the sweet treat and tried to discreetly put it in my pocket.
"You're ok though, right? That was just your drunken chatter you said at the end of the night." I was thrown off by this question. Then before I could say anything he took his hand out from underneath the bench. Sans had my blood on his hand. He rubbed the blood between his thumb and index finger curiously.
"Your blood?" He took a good look at me. I've never been in this position before. Why did he have to ruin this? "Hehe well, I guess it was more like a drunken mistake. You did quite the number to yourself, 1 H.P." Well, he knows now should I deny it? He wasn't supposed to come back. He was supposed to forget about me and let me make my life a living hell. Then again he always ruined my plans.
"Welp I guess you caught me." I giggled happily. I didn't know what else to do so I went into a default happy mode. I pulled on my pants despite that now my pants are drenched in blood. I just need to get out of here.
"Are you gonna eat or are you going to sit here and die?" He said frustratedly. It made me feel terrible that I just wanted to sit and die instead of trying to live. Ugh, this reminds me too much of the last time I called her 'Mom'. Why did I have the power to return by death? I wish I could have had a useful power like teleportation. But no, I had to have Chara's determination. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach.
" Well remember my promise to you? I promised you I wouldn't hurt Papy. Nothing about me!" For only a moment I felt bad for racing my voice.
"Do you think 'Papy' wouldn't be hurt by seeing you all bloody? Stop calling him Papy! You don't know anyone here. If he saw you like that he would be destroyed." Sans' words felt like venom. I realized I wasn't breathing and when I tried to breathe I began to hyperventilate. Badam. To anyone who came in here without context, we both looked happy with smiles on our faces. Badum!
What he said repeated over and over. Each of the purple walls seemed like they were inches away from me. The walls were closing in. I began to take the advice of everyone. Just breathe in and out. My breathing went out of control. My heartbeat ringed in my ears. He's right I don't know anyone here. I looked into Sans' eye sockets; they were a silent pitch black. The silents in his eyes spread into the room letting my thoughts take over. I don't know anyone. My vision went blurry. I can't go through this. I summoned all my strength into a shaky fist and punched my hurt leg. I died.
"You cannot give up yet." I could have sworn I heard my soul beat. "Chara! Stay determined" When I came back I was still in a panic. I stumbled up and I wanted to run away from here. My knees gave out and I curled up into a ball. I can't escape this pain through death! I took out my phone to call someone. I didn't know who I just needed this to stop. My hand shook as I hit call. It felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. Am I going to die again? They picked up the phone.
"Help." I said through my sporadic breathing.
"What happened? Where are you?" I called Grillby. He sounded distressed and I heard some scribbling in the background.
"Waterfall...Bench... Flower…" I said over my pounding heart. I started to feel light-headed.
"Stay on the phone with me. Tell me what happened?" It felt like I was going to die. Over the phone I could have sworn I heard cheering in the background. I couldn't think straight. The only thing I could think about was how loud my heartbeat was. I tried to talk but the words wouldn't come out. I just gave up. I gave up on breathing. I gave up on looking ok. Tears began to flow.
"Oh no, Frisk." I barely heard through my heartbeat. I felt Grillby's warm arms wrap around me. "Just breathe with me." He said as he propped me up on his chest. "Breathe in…" Grillby put my hand on his chest. I felt his chest go up. I couldn't help but follow his actions. "Breathe out…" His chest went down. "Good job princess. Can you do it again?"
I nodded my head. I felt at ease with Grillby's help. I just have to keep it up. We stayed in a comfortable silence as I concentrated on breathing. My heartbeat went quiet and I stopped shaking. A minute of doing this I had an invasive thought. You're wasting his time. Grillby runs a business and I took him away from that. I moved my hand off of his chest.
"Are you feeling better?" He said gently. I was still getting a hold of myself.
"Um ya? I'm feeling ok. You should get back to work though right?" I sounded scared. I don't know what's wrong with me!
"That doesn't matter, silly. I won't leave you, it looks like you need someone to lean on. So tell me what happened." He sounded so welcoming. I wanted to tell him but technically what happened with Sans and I didn't happen. Should I tell him about it?
"Well… Sans and I got into a fight and… Yeah." I reluctantly told him. I felt bad for telling him about this, especially because in theory that argument never happened.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Sans and you are so alike." He said as he petted my head. I don't know what about Grillby soothed me but I felt relaxed.
"I don't know what makes you think we're alike." I moved to rest in his lap. I felt so tired after my little scene.
"You both try to show only the best parts of yourselves because you two have a big heart. Could you tell me what your fight was about?" Grillby's lap was so warm that I couldn't help but to tell the truth.
"Sans walked in on me cutting. Amazing right? It gets worse from there. Then he asked me if I wanted to live or just sit and die. That reminded me of something I went through a long time ago. I got mad and told him that my…" I didn't want to tell him all this! I looked up at him and I was expecting him to look sad or mad. Instead, he was just listening.
"Do you want to go on? It's ok if you don't want to go on princess." I wanted to stop but this is the first person that seemed to listen and not try to change me.
" I told him if it didn't hurt Papy er I mean Papyrus he shouldn't care. After that Sans told me I didn't know anyone. That's when whatever happened to me began and ya…" I got quieter and quieter as I talked. I sat up and got ready to leave. I shouldn't have told him this. Why did he make me feel at ease?
" I'm so sorry that happened between you two. But didn't it feel better to talk about it?" Grillby said as I got up. It didn't feel better to talk about it. I guess it was kinda nice that he stayed when I talked about something bad. That doesn't outway the cons though. I only did it to be nice after he saved me from whatever that was.
"I guess it was. Thank you Grillby! Now it's time for you to get back to work." I said happily. I gave him a hand up.
"Ok, you're right. I bet Sans has my place in shambles by now. Call me again if that happens again or if you want to cut. I know you probably don't wanna stop but give me a chance." He acknowledged my self-harm but didn't give a lecture or abandon me? I was puzzled and thought about this as we left the room. "Well see you later. Good luck in Waterfall." He waved goodbye.
" See you later Grillby!" I said waving farewell.