Author's Notes: So just a heads up, this is another Kunzite-Seeks-Redemption fic, but I must warn you - it is suuuuuper slow burn. LIke crazy slow. Kun and Zoi do eventually end up happily together (that's always the endgame to these fics, right?), but it's not without a lot of blood, sweat and tears - because life is never smooth sailing, right? Drama, angst and feels aside, I mostly wanted to write this fic because I really wanted to explore the concept of Kunzite truly and honestly grappling his feelings towards Zoisite. For most of their relationship, Zoisite always seems to be pining and adoring Kunzite, so I wanted to explore the opposite: how would their relationship develop, if the situations were reversed? If Zoisite had no memories, could Kunzite win him over? How would Kunzite make his feelings known, if it had always been Zoisite who guided them through their relationship? And what of all the baggage of their past life - knowing he loved Zoisite before, but failed in protecting him? Updates are sporadic, but I KunZoi is pretty much my lifeblood, so this story will never be abandoned. As usual I love to chat KZ, and especially character development and exploration - so please hit me up with a PM or leave a review if you enjoy the fic. Reviews and any form of engagement will also spark inspiration and more updates because it basically boots my brain into more KZ mode lol! Thank you!
Without Words Chapter 1
In the dead of the night, Kunzite bolted awake.
He was alone in a humble apartment bedroom. The walls were a functional shade of grey, and the curtains were drawn. Outside was the hum and breath of a city slumbering. Whatever universe he was in, it was painfully...
Ordinary.
Immediately his hand flew to his face, and he took his first true breath of air. His lungs expanded and suddenly Kunzite realized where he was.
He was on Earth, he was home.
And his name was Saitou Kunihiro.
It hadn't taken long for Kunzite to re-orientate himself in his new world. It was 1993, Tokyo, January. By his calculations, Saitou Kunihiro had woken up at the exact moment Kunzite had finished being obliterated into nothingness.
It was the strangest experience to "reawaken" in his mortal body. It wasn't a new body, nor was it even a reincarnated body. It was as if Saitou Kunihiro had went to bed one night blissfully unaware, and then woke up knowing a whole other life. The two sets of memories were in perfect harmony - one blended with the other to complete him. Perhaps Kunzite had always been a spectre in the Dark Kingdom then - a dark shard of Kunihiro's soul held in purgatory, returned to him now that Beryl's death had released him.
The memories were thankfully not overwhelming. Kunzite understood it now: he was Saitou Kunihiro, a 26 year old young man. He was employed as a lead officer of a local community station. Dedicated to his job and wanting to make a difference, he often put in extra hours and was highly respected in the area. It was not unusual for Kunihiro to be found working or assisting citizens even outside his shifts.
But one aspect of his human life throbbed like an open wound: Saitou Kunihiro was alone. There were no pictures of friends or family, no photos of a significant other. There was no trace of roses, orchids or flowers; no pink bubble bath in his bathroom and no thick brush of curly, golden-red hair resting on the bedside table.
And in that moment, Kunzite only of only one single purpose for his current existence.
He had to find Zoisite.
Months passed, with little result. On a cold autumn night just a few weeks before the anniversary of Zoisite's death, Kunzite found himself in charge of a new district and a new precinct, with zero leads on where his partner could be.
He was making some routine rounds in the neighbourhood, getting a sense of the new grounds he was to monitor. Though usually sleepy and unassuming in appearance, it was a rougher, more vulnerable area. It was not uncommon for darker gangs and larger criminal organizations to expand into such places, and Kunzite's presence was more a matter of prevention. Although Kunzite disliked to think of it, he always kept his eye trained in areas such as these, if in case Zoisite happened to be there.
His last stop was the neighbourhood cafe. It on a busy main street, brightly lit and a popular location for students and young working professionals alike. Needing a coffee to help him through the rest of the night, Kunzite got in line.
"One medium coffee, black," he requested, rummaging in his wallet for change.
"One medium coffee," the barista repeated cheerfully, and Kunzite froze at the sound of their voice. It was soft, sweet, and rang in his head as crisply clear as dew on an autumn morning.
Slowly, ever so slowly, his head inched up.
And lo and behold, a familiar face with green eyes and wavy copper hair, smiled back.
It was Zoisite.
Kunzite stood there dumbly for a few seconds, blinking in utter disbelief. He was torn and frozen between two colliding trains of thought: that he had finally found Zoisite, and secondly, why Zoisite wasn't just as flabbergasted.
"Zoisite," Kunzite said without thinking.
The boy blinked a few times and then leaned in closer over the till.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Could you say your name again please?"
Kunzite couldn't believe his ears, unsure if he heard correctly. Did Zoisite not recognize him? At all?
"Kunzite." He remembered where he was, and cleared his throat. "Saitou, Kun. " Surely Zoisite would remember his name.
The look on Zoisite's face was quizzical. Nevertheless, he scribbled the name down on the cup and placed it in the queue. "Thank you," he chirped politely. "Please wait at the end of the counter."
It was dismantling to hear Zoisite respond as if he was a complete stranger, with no bubbles in his voice or stars in his eyes. Too shocked to respond, Kunzite piloted down the counter without thinking, and grasped his now-filled coffee-cup. Struck with hope, he turned it to the side to see his name - but was crestfallen to see no hearts, no flowers. Officer Saitou was all it said.
"Sorry to trouble you," the server at the end of the counter said. "Is something the matter?" She must have noticed Kunzite's expression of confusion.
"N...No," Kunzite finally answered, clearing his head. It was all very disorientating.
The server nodded and was about to leave, but then Kunzite stopped her. "Who is the server at the till?"
The girl looked over to her right. "Oh! His name is Kozakura Izou. Did you wish to speak to him about your order?"
Kunzite knew this was neither the time nor the place to ask more about Zoisite; not when he was swarming with customers. "No, it is fine...Thank you."
He took his cup and slowly walked passed the string of customers that were still in line, trying to catch a clear glimpse of the ginger-curly hair. But no matter from what angle he saw the boy at, Kunzite could only see that it was truly Zoisite.
Realizing there wasn't much he could do now, Kunzite decided to continue onto his job. He had work to do, but at least now he knew Zoisite existed.
He had found his partner, in the world where his soul resided.
It took Kunzite a couple of tries to stake out his next move. Zoisite wasn't in the coffeeshop all the time, and Kunzite's shifts often meant he could only catch a glimpse of the boy in the morning. There was hardly any opportunity for them to bump into each and properly talk, and Kunzite certainly wasn't going to make conversation at the till unless absolutely necessary. It took him a few tries to figure out Zoisite's schedule, and at long last, Kunzite managed to swing by after work on a day he knew Zoisite was working.
Out of his uniform, Kunzite also felt a little more comfortable. In his civilian clothes, he could make the moves he was hoping to do with less scrutiny. It was casual, off-beat. He even had unbuttoned the top two buttons of his white shirt, exposing just a little bit of skin like he used to. Zoisite had always loved the little window of his collarbone.
Entering in just a half hour before Zoisite's shift was to end, Kunzite ran the play in his head. He'd order, make some quiet small talk. He'd ask if Zoisite had plans later that night after work, and if he wouldn't mind going out for coffee sometime. He'd look at Zoisite in that particular way that made his former protege's knees buckle - soft, firm, smoldering, as Zoisite once shyly described. He was certain Zoisite would be unable to resist.
He came up to the counter to make his order, and nodded a bit at Zoisite. The boy seemed to recognize him, a happy smile on his face.
"Saitou-sama," Zoisite greeted cheerfully. "It... is Saitou-sama, right? The police officer."
Kunzite smiled faintly. "Yes."
Zoisite's smile turned into a grin. "Just got off work?" he asked, getting a cup and writing Kunzite's name on it. "How was your day?"
"It was good." Kunzite kept a sense of his peripherals, making sure that there were no other customers behind him or to gauge if any of the customers needed Zoisite. "No coffee today, just some tea, please."
Zoisite nodded and rung the order up. "I don't usually see you after work," he said with bit of a musical note in his voice. Kunzite saw how his green eyes lingered momentarily at his open collar bone. "I almost didn't recognize you."
"Then perhaps I should come by more often after work," Kunzite suggested mildly, watching for Zoisite's cheeks to blush. Instead, Zoisite giggled, slipping out Kunzite's change from the register.
"I'm sure I'll remember you now," he said, counting out the money.
Yes , Kunzite thought to himself, feeling a surge of victory. This is a sign!
Zoisite finished counting. "Here you are." He offered his hand and Kunzite opened his under it to take the change, and as they pulled back, their fingers grazed one another's, and the warmth of the brief contact made Kunzite's heartbeat swell. This was his chance!
"Speaking of after work," Kunzite started, getting a feel of the situation, "what are your plans?"
It was unusual for Kunzite to be this forward, but he was so certain Zoisite would answer as he predicted.
Zoisite's was a bit sheepish. "Just studying, I'm afraid."
According to Kunzite's math, Zoisite would have turned seventeen that past October. "Entrance exams?"
"Yes sir." Although this was clearly the correct answer, Zoisite's cheeks tinted a bit and Kunzite sensed something. Discomfort? Embarrassment?
"But…?"
"Catch-up," the teen finally admitted. "Revision physics. If I can get a passing grade by the next term, I can take the entrance exams."
Zoisite was unusually bright, so this was news to Kunzite.
"Do you take a class?"
Zoisite nodded. "Yes, but…" He bit his lip in thought. "It's...very hard. I suppose I'll have to get a tutor maybe, once I have the money."
Kunzite nodded, slowly getting a better understanding of the situation.
"I wasn't so bad at physics," Kunzite grunted conversationally, sensing a potential opportunity to get to see Zoisite more often.
As predicted, Zoisite's head lifted up with hope. "Really?"
Kunzite nodded. "It's been a while, but, if you need any help, I could take a look at it with you."
The surge of relief and excitement in Zoisite's eyes was tremendous. "Are you sure, Saitou-sama?"
Kunzite nodded again. "We could do it here, after work, or on your days off if you'd like."
It was obvious Zoisite thought this was a dream come true. "Thank you!" he gushed. "But, I haven't any money…"
"Don't worry about the money," Kunzite smiled. "You make good tea."
Zoisite laughed both delightfully and modestly, bringing up a hand to his mouth like he usually did, half-hiding his adorable cheeks. This was it! Kunzite thought. Final move!
Taking a deep breath, Kunzite steeled himself for the final part of his plan. There were no other customers in sight behind him, only Zoisite before him and a couple of girl servers behind him, busy with cleaning.
"I was wondering," Kunzite started, "would you, perhaps, like to have some coffee with me somet-"
Before Kunzite could finish his sentence, the door to the cafe opened, and one of the girls gasped at the bell. Zoisite's head flipped over to the entrance and his face lit up.
"Kuroi-san!"
The door shut behind, and Kunzite turned his head around to face the interruption.
A young, handsome man stood in front of the door. He was tall and of athletic build, with long, smooth black hair half-tied in a charmingly messy top-knot. Deep brown eyes were kind but firm, and his distinguished cheekbones, paired with his ever-present natural half-smile, seemed welcoming and secure.
The newcomer was carrying a bouquet of deep red roses, which looked like they had been freshly cut. Kunzite noticed his rough gardener's gloves out a pocket, the slight scuff of dirt on his browned, tanned skin.
"Welcome, Kuroi-sama!" the ladies all chirped happily.
"Good evening," Kuroi responded, coming over to the counter. He had sort of a warm, strong presence about him, and all the girls seemed to blush and titter in unison. His eyes glanced from the ladies to Zoisite, and Kunzite overheard one of the girls snuggle close in excitement.
"Izou-chan," the girl whispered, "it's your friend!"
Friend? The word rang through Kunzite's mind. There was only one meaning that particular word had in this context, and it was more than just platonic friendship.
Zoisite blushed, but couldn't stop grinning. "Kuroi-san," he exclaimed, "what are you doing here? What a surprise!"
Kuroi's smile was so easy and friendly it made Kunzite angry. "I was in the neighbourhood, and thought I'd drop by. Izou-chan, are you about to finish?"
Kunzite was nearly shocked by how familiarly this man was calling Zoisite. Izou- chan?
Zoisite was in a fluster and could hardly contain himself. "Yes, just a moment." He turned back to the register to quickly clean up. "Please excuse me, Saitou-sama."
Kunzite was too momentarily stunned to reply. "...Sure," he answered, unable to think of anything else to say.
Zoisite was clearly very excited to get going. "Excuse me," he told the ladies, rushing to the back. When he came out of the side door, he was in his civilian clothing with a backpack slung over his shoulder. Upon seeing the roses in Kuroi's arm, Zoisite's mouth dropped open.
"Oh, Kuroi-san!"
Kuroi smiled and lifted the bundle towards him. "I was trimming these today and thought of you," he said. "I know how much you love roses."
Kunzite was gripping his ceramic mug so tightly that any moment he thought it would shatter.
Zoisite slowly accepted the bouquet, his face all aglow. "These are so beautiful, thank you."
Kuroi's smile was so easy and happy, it was sickening.
"It's nothing."
Kuroi then lightly placed a hand on Zoisite's shoulder, and turned back over to the ladies to say goodnight. "Apologies for the intrusion."
The ladies all squealed and giggled and nearly imploded into a mass of titters. "Oh, no intrusion at all, Kuroi-sama," they all said. "Please come back more often!"
Kuroi nodded at all the adulations politely, as if he were an older brother indulging his younger sister's friends. "Thank you for all your hard work," he said. "Goodnight. Shall we go, Izou-chan?"
Still basking in the joy of the gift, Zoisite nodded and cuddled up close to Kuroi. At the sight, Kunzite nearly felt his heart break. He was still watching them, dumbstruck, when Zoisite seemed to remember he was there and quickly looked over his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he called, referring to his abrupt exit. "See you next time, Saitou-sama!"
Kunzite could only wave silently as the two disappeared from the establishment.
And just like that, the world seemed empty once again.