Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count - 2878

Starting Over

The first time he felt the knock, Tony almost dropped the torch he was holding. He'd been working on the Compound servers, and he'd thought he'd have a day of peace.

How dare Steve think he had any right to try and contact Tony after everything that had happened?

He ignored the knock in his mind and continued his work, though his peace was well and truly destroyed now. He wasn't going to get it back any time soon either.

…

"Are you sure?"

"He's my soulmate, Pep," Tony said tiredly. "I felt him 'wake up' as soon as it happened, and it was confirmed today when he knocked on the door in my mind for the room."

Pepper winced. Tony had always believed his soulmate was dead, because the door to his mind room had always remained shut, locked and silent. To have it thrown upon him now was almost too cruel for words; especially when the person knocking was a man Tony had resented since he was a child.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer. A hurt Tony was usually a destructive Tony, and it never ended well for anyone involved—especially him.

"I'm going to ignore it," Tony decided firmly. "What other choice do I have?"

…

Except Steve hadn't wanted to be ignored.

He knocked on the door of their connecting mind room every single day, and occasionally, he'd shout through and Tony would catch a vague sense of the words. Sometimes they were mundane, asking what Tony was up too, and other times, there were screams of frustration that left Tony feeling cold and lonely.

He was pretty sure that Steve didn't realise Tony could hear those.

When the Avengers moved into the tower, it had been harder to ignore Steve, and eventually, he started answering the knocks when they came.

He joined Steve in their room for a little while every day, be it in the morning or late at night. They grew closer, until suddenly, Tony was in love.

It had crept up on him so he didn't know it was happening until one day, he looked at the Super-Soldier and just thought, "I love him."

…

There were a few months, maybe even a year, that was perfect. Tony and Steve were Tony-and-Steve, a single entity made up of two, exactly as the romance books described it.

It was better than anything Tony had ever imagined.

And then, Steve started getting distant. First physically, and then he stopped answering Tony in their room. He ignored Tony's knocks the way Tony had to begin with and he shut Tony out.

Tony puzzled for weeks over what he'd done wrong, but he just… he didn't understand.

And then he saw the news, realised what Steve and Nat and that new guy who Tony didn't know, had done and his heart shattered.

Steve hadn't asked Tony for help. He hadn't trusted him.

Tony relocked the door and put a padlock on it for good measure.

…

Ultron happened, and they grew further apart, and then the Accords and Barnes and Zemo and… Tony couldn't bring himself to think about what came of that.

He'd returned home with Vision, and he'd healed and he'd got on with his life because what else was he supposed to do?

And then the knocking started and Tony was just done. Why did Steve think he even had the right? He'd sent Tony that ridiculous letter, and the prehistoric cellphone, and surely it was hint enough that Tony didn't want to talk when he didn't use the phone or reply to the letter?

Surely that had made Tony's point for him?

Apparently not.

"What are you going to do?" Pepper asked again, reminiscent of the first time, although this time, her eyes were flaming with righteous anger and he was sure that if he said he was going to burn down the world to make Roger's pay then she'd help him do it without question.

Pep was probably angrier about Siberia than Tony himself.

"Nothing," he said instead. "I'm going to do nothing, Pep. He doesn't deserve anything from me; not even my anger."

…

He got used to the knocking again, and he learned to ignore it for the most part. Of course it was still there, but he could concentrate around it.

"Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do," he told Peter, when the kid told him about taking MJ on a date.

As Tony checked his hair in the mirror one final time, Rhodey laughed and added, "There's a grey area for you to operate in; stick there and you'll be fine."

"That… helps absolutely nothing," Peter complained.

"Them's the breaks, Kid. You ready, Platypus?" Tony asked Rhodey, who nodded.

The two of them were going to the Maria Stark annual Gala, and Rhodey would be walking for the entire night for the first time since… well. Since.

"Have Fun, Petey! And if you get into any trouble, call Hap, okay? He'll let me know if you need me."

Peter smiled. "Thanks, Mr Stark."

"Tony is fine," Tony replied rolling his eyes. He'd said so a million times, but the kid just couldn't seem to bring himself to say it. It was adorable, really.

…

The knocking started as Tony walked the red carpet. He ignored it, charming the press with ease and a wide smile, and led Rhodey inside.

The knocking didn't stop.

The whole night long, Steve knocked, apparently having lost his patience for Tony ignoring him. It had only been a matter of time, after all, but he couldn't have picked a worse night for it.

"Are you okay? You've been quiet," Rhodey asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Fine, Sour Patch. Just dealing with an annoying headache is all."

Rhodey took the hint and he grimaced in sympathy, shaking his head. "He's got some gall."

"He's got some something," Tony agreed bitterly. "I can't decide if he just want's to talk to me, or if he really is stupid enough to think that we can come back from this."

"Can you?" Rhodey asked.

"Can I what?"

"Can the two of you come back from this?"

"Don't ask stupid questions, Rhodey. You know we can't. He fucked up long before Siberia, and I don't give people the option to hurt me twice. You know that."

Rhodey nodded and sighed. "I'm sorry he won't leave you alone."

Tony closed his eyes for a moment. "Yeah. Me too."

…

"What do you want," Tony growled, slamming his way into the room they shared. It was three am, and Steve still hadn't stopped knocking and Tony hadn't been able to sleep.

"Tony! Please don't go! I just… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, and I just… I want to make it right."

Tony stared at him for a long moment. "You can't. It's three in the morning, and your knocking is giving me a headache. Stop."

"Tony wait—"

Tony slammed the door shut behind him, and thankfully, Steve didn't knock again.

That night anyway.

…

"Are you letting them come back to the Compound?" Pepper asked, curling up on the sofa beside him.

Tony shrugged. "The UN don't have any other place to put them, so… I guess I have too."

"You really don't."

"The world needs the Avengers, Pep. Besides, just because they live at the Compound, doesn't mean I have too, right? The Tower is finally back to rights, and the Mansion is down the road, and I've got a few bucks… I could buy somewhere new if I had too. It's not a big deal."

"But you're not bankrolling them, right?"

Tony shook his head. "No. I won't put that kind of pressure back on SI, I promise. The UN has already spoken to all of them about allowances and such and they've signed the papers. That's all I need to know. What they do now isn't really any of my business."

"I'm glad Tony. Have you heard anything from Steve except that one time?"

Tony shrugs. "He still knocks two, three times a day, but I'm still ignoring him. It's too much to deal with and I just… I don't even know where to start, Pep. I don't trust him, not with my life, and certainly not with my heart."

"I don't blame you," she murmured. "But… I've never seen you so happy as you were when it was working between the two of you. I want you to be happy, Tony."

Time had dulled the anger for all of them, Tony supposed. He wasn't really angry anymore, more resigned. He didn't want to deal with any of it, even though he knew that, eventually, he was going to have to face Steve, be it in his mind or in person.

Both ideas were terrifying, if he were honest with himself.

"It'll either work out, or it won't, Pep. I… don't know what to tell you other than that."

She smiled sadly. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

…

Tony stepped into the room, allowing himself to enjoy the look on Steve's face for a brief moment.

"Tony."

"Steve."

"You… I didn't expect you to come. You… normally don't."

"Well, you'll be back in New York tomorrow night, so it's not like I can avoid you forever, is it?" Tony asked, sitting down in the second fluffy armchair in their room.

"How… how are you?"

"Peachy."

"You look… good. I've been seeing you on the news and stuff, but it's just… not the same."

"The beard is… different. What gives?"

Steve smiled slightly, and Tony ached at the familiar sight. "I thought I'd try something new."

"Eh, it's not as good as Thor's."

Steve chuckled. "I guess not. Will you… will you be at the Compound tomorrow, when we arrive?"

Tony shook his head. "Probably not. It's… I don't know if I can stand face to face with you yet."

"Is that what this is? Are you testing yourself."

"Sure," Tony agreed. "Call it an experiment."

"You should sleep, you know? It's getting late."

"I control my life. Not you."

"I wasn't trying to control—"

Tony stood up and stepped back towards the door. "I'm sorry. I… I can't do this right now."

…

The days seemed to drift by, and Tony filled his with as many distractions as he could. The Avengers were back in New York, and it was fine. Tony wasn't hiding, he wasn't.

He was just too busy at the Tower to go and see them.

Okay, so he might be hiding a little bit, sue him.

Steve still knocked as frequently as he had when they were in Wakanda, but Tony had gone back to ignoring him. He knew that he couldn't do that forever, but for now…

For now, it was working.

…

"We missed you today."

The Avengers had had their first mission since coming back, and Tony, while watching everything on screens all around his lab, hadn't gone out on the call. He'd have gone if they'd needed him, of course, but it was a relatively low level threat, and he wasn't actually necessary.

Nevertheless, Tony ran a critical eye over Steve, checking for injuries. He didn't even try and be subtle, Steve would know what he was doing.

"I just wanted to check you were okay," he muttered, leaning on the back of the armchair.

"Sit for a while," Steve asked, and there was a plea in his voice that Tony couldn't bring himself to ignore. "Why?"

"I just miss you. I miss us. I just…. Just for a little while, Tony, please? You don't even have to talk to me. Just… stay. Please."

"Okay."

…

That night started a new pattern. Every few days, Tony would answer Steve's knock and he'd sit together in their room with him. Most evening's they were silent, and those evenings were the best. They'd even fallen back into the comfortable silences they'd had when everything had been good.

The nights that they weren't silent were a bit stickier. Sometimes Tony couldn't handle what Steve had to say, and sometimes, Steve couldn't handle Tony not being able to forgive him.

But, with time, it got better.

With time, Tony could even look at Steve without feeling like his heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

…

"I know you know that this is ridiculous," Pepper said, handing over a take-away coffee to Tony.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Tony asked, shrugging.

"Uh, well, you could go and sit inside his room?" she offered, rolling her eyes.

Steve had been injured on a mission, but Tony had gotten to the doorway and froze, unable to force himself inside. He didn't know if he had the right to be there.

It was… confusing.

He wanted to go in, to be holding Steve's hand when he woke up the way he always used too, but he was suddenly unsure of what was allowed or expected. He and Steve had been getting on better, sure, but they weren't even close to being back to the way they were.

Hell, Tony didn't even know if they were friends.

He shook his head. "I'm okay here. As soon as he wakes up, I'll come back to the Tower, okay?"

"Tony—"

"Not now, Pep. Please."

She sighed but nodded and bent to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you at the Tower."

…

"Natasha told me you sat outside the room until I woke up."

Tony huffed. "Of course she did. Tattle-tale."

Steve chuckled but sobered quickly. "You, uh. You could have come inside, you know? It would have been nice to see you, when I woke up."

Rubbing a hand over his face, Tony admitted, "I wasn't sure if it was a thing we do now. I just… Yeah. I wasn't sure. And then I felt awkward and confused and… well. You know I don't like being confused about things."

Steve nodded. "Well, in future—"

"You could try and stay out of hospitals?" Tony interrupted.

"In future," Steve repeated, "You're welcome inside. You're always welcome, Tony. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing… I always want you there."

Tony swallowed hard and nodded. "I… Okay. I'll remember that. Not that there will be another time, because you're going to stay out of the damn hospital, right?"

Steve chuckled. "Right."

…

"Hi."

Tony smiled slightly. "Hi."

"I, uh. Packed a picnic? I thought we could eat on the grounds… you know, just us?"

"That sounds good," Tony agreed. "After you."

Steve led the way out onto the sprawling lawns of the Compound, and chose a place to sit, close to an oak tree, in case Tony didn't want to be in the direct sunlight. He was always thoughtful about things like that, Tony realised.

He hadn't really noticed that before, but he'd always done things like that.

They chatted quietly as they made their way through the food Steve had prepared—all of Tony's favourites, including chocolate dipped blueberries had made it inside the basket—and enjoyed the sunshine.

"One of these days, I'll have to do your portrait," Steve said, tilting his head to look at Tony, who's sprawled backwards, half on the blanket and half on the grass.

"You've done loads of them," Tony replied, raising his hand to block the sun from his eyes.

"You've got a few more grey hairs than the last time," Steve replied, with a sad smile. "And a few more smile lines."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Tony grumbled.

"It is flattery," Steve insisted. "You're aging well, Tony. Really well."

"Uh huh."

"Don't pout," Steve complained, groaning. "It makes me want to kiss you."

Tony looked at him for a long moment and then swallowed his nerves. "What's stopping you?"

…

"You're singing," Pepper said, interrupting Tony midsong.

He looked up and blushed. "Well, I was," he agreed. "What's up, Pep?"

"You're happy," she added, her smile widening.

Tony frowned. "Okay?"

"You only ever sing when you're really happy," she said.

"Well, I… guess I'm happy then," he agreed.

"You and Steve…?" she guessed, waiting for details.

She was such a gossip, it was ridiculous. Tony rolled his eyes at her.

"We… are very cautiously… starting anew," he admitted. "I already told him that we need to take it slow but… I miss him and I love him, and… I guess I'm a sucker for a pretty face."

Pepper shook her head at him fondly. "He loves you. And I might have already warned him that, Super Soldier or not, if he hurts you again, I'll dead him so hard his descendents will feel it."

"What descendents?" Tony asked, laughing. "I don't know if you noticed, Pep, but we're both men. This isn't a fairytale, neither of us is having kids, you know?"

"Never heard of surrogacy?"

At the panicked look on Tony's face, Pepper gave into her mirth and laughed loudly. "Come on, idiot," she said, tugging him to his feet. "You can buy me lunch."

Tony let her tug him from the lab, and he smiled to himself.

Happy indeed.

Written for:

Romance Awareness, Day 18 - You can meet your soulmate anytime in a shared mind space.

Romance Awareness, Extra - 5. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.

Assorted Appreciation - Leah - Picnic / "One of these days I'll have to do your portrait." / Starting anew

Showtime - 1. Singing

Press Play - 5. Singing

Liza Loves - 4. Torch

Angel's Archives - D2. "I just miss you. I miss us."

Film Festival - 24. "I control my life. Not you."

Marvel - 11. "Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Galleon - 15. Hurt/Comfort

365. 196. Drift

1000. 573. Mirror