A Time to Break
WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH!
Author's Note: I have absolutely no responsibility for any broken hearts which occur as a result of reading this... but I probably deserve all the rage you probably feel. Sorry (not sorry) for writing something this dark. Lol. I have no idea which dark hole it crawled out of, but I do love the style. I've never written anything quite like this before... :P
~ Amina Gila
Everything in Obi-Wan screams at him to do something, to help Anakin instead of standing there, but he doesn't know if he should or if such help would even be welcomed after everything which has gone down between them. Almost against his will, Obi-Wan steps closer, flicking out his hand to pull Anakin's – Vader's body away from the edge of the lava river. How can this Sith wear Anakin's face, and more important, how can it still feel like twisting a knife in an open wound to consider leaving him or killing him?
"Anakin." The broken name falls from Obi-Wan's lips, body trembling as he stares at his former Padawan's yellow, hate-filled eyes. He doesn't know what he's trying to say, to plea for. It's far too late for anything to go back to how it used to be. Obi-Wan doesn't think he has the strength to kill An-Vader, but he doesn't want to leave him here either. And taking him is too dangerous. He's in no position to duel a homicidal Sith Lord again, especially not this one.
For a long, tense moment, the two men stare at one another. Maybe leaving him here is best after all. It will hurt regardless of what he does. Obi-Wan takes a step back, and then another. Something seems to change in Anakin's expression as he twists his body, trying to find some sort of leverage to drag himself away. "I hate you!" he screams, as much frustration as fury filling his words.
Something in Obi-Wan breaks irreparably at the words – and the truth accompanying them in the Force. He blinks, but the tears in his eyes vaporize from the immense heat in the atmosphere. If he leaves Anakin here, he'll probably burn to death. That's – that's cruel. All he can do in response to the words thrown at him is whisper his former Padawan's name again, shock, disbelief, horror, and pain echoing in the air around him.
"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you," Obi-Wan replies, unable to keep the agony out of his voice. He can't love anyone anymore. Not after this. He doesn't know why he says it. As a defense or a plea perhaps.
Anakin glowers at him, obviously hearing the confession, but too far gone to even care. Obi-Wan stumbles a step back, eyes falling on Anakin's lightsaber laying a few feet away. His gaze slips back to the prone figure. Whatever he's going to do, he needs to do now. He steps back again and stops when a surge of hate rips through the air. He reaches out slightly, trying to understand what Anakin is thinking or feeling, but he needn't have bothered, because he hears the thought, the accusation as it lashes into him.
So, you would leave me to suffer before dying? Looking at Anakin's face, Obi-Wan realizes what's being asked of him, and everything in him screams in protest. How – how can he kill Anakin, kill a helpless man? No. He can't – he owes this one last thing to him. If he can't take him, and he doesn't know how he can. Sidious will follow, and it doesn't matter anyways because Anakin is gone, and the only one left in front of him is Vader. That will never change. He struggles to accept that truth, even as he stumbles closer, falling on his knees and extending the hilt of his lightsaber. If he pushes the ignition it will all be over.
Yes, Anakin's eyes tell him. Do it.
I can't, he thinks desperately, choking back a sob. I can't! But Obi-Wan closes his eyes and looks away before pressing the ignition. Anakin doesn't make a sound, doesn't even have a chance to, so all Obi-Wan hears is the hiss of the blade, which seems louder than the lava around them ever could be.
He feels the life disappear and staggers upright, unable to look back, to see exactly what he'd done. He doesn't make it more than twenty feet before the intense pain from the severing of their bond makes itself fully known, and he collapses to the ground, unable to move for many long moments. The sudden absence of the one thing Obi-Wan had held dear over everything in his mind drives in the reality of his situation: Anakin is dead, and he killed him.
If he screamed himself hoarse and cursed fate, the Force, and Sidious, no one would know except the merciless river of lava which never ceased its flow. Somehow – he'll never know how – he arrived back at the landing platform and numbly climbed onto Padme's ship, ordering Artoo to take them to Polis Massa. He's not so far gone that he doesn't realize that she needs medical attention.
The Dark Side is crushing in on him, cajoling him to let it in, and Obi-Wan knows that he can't because if he falters for even one second, he'll never come back. He'll go on a murder rampage, never stopping until he reaches Sidious and succeeds or dies trying. He can't do that either; he doesn't want to, and a certain someone who existed until a few hours ago would tell him not to do it either. Probably. It's hard to say considering that said person did something similar, and Obi-Wan still doesn't know why.
To distract himself from his spiraling train of thought, he records and sends a sound-only message to Ahsoka. She needs to know – to know that she's the only one left, that she's the only one who can succeed where everyone else has failed. Then, he waits and thinks and tries not to think and waits some more until the ship arrives at its destination.
Everything else passes in a blur. He hands Padme off to the medics, sensing that Bail and Yoda are nearby, though they don't come to greet him. He doesn't want to see them anyways. He doubts he could see them – Yoda especially – without snapping or losing whatever courage he has left. Instead, Obi-Wan slips back to the ship. He doesn't deserve to be with Padme when her child is born.
The agony in his mind is only growing louder, so he silences it the only way he knows how. Unclipping his lightsaber from his belt, he ignites it into his own chest. The pain is nothing compared to what's been consuming him since the bond broke. He wasn't ready; he probably never would have been. Obi-Wan hardly feels it when he hits the floor, the sudden random thought of the two – including himself – people his lightsaber has just killed. It's almost funny, how he had no idea that this would happen when he constructed it.
I'm sorry, Anakin, he thinks as darkness clouds his vision, and he's sucked into oblivion.
**w**
Ahsoka only heard the words once, but they've been seared into her mind for a lifetime. "Ahsoka, I need you to get to Polis Massa as quickly as you can," Obi-Wan had said, voice tormented with far more pain than she thought he'd ever express. It must have been after she felt her bond with Anakin shatter. "If you can't, then contact Bail. Padme is giving birth to her child, A-Anakin's child, and you're the only one who can raise a Skywalker properly. Please, Ahsoka, I know it's – it's what he'd want." His voice was shaking so badly that it hurt to hear.
And she hadn't asked for this, but she doesn't care either. Anakin is dead. Obi-Wan is who knows where. And Padme's having a child… She didn't waste another second. Her and Rex immediately left the planet and headed to the coordinates which Obi-Wan had transmitted.
She arrives, and Bail greets her. "Where's Obi-Wan?" It's the only thing which has been bothering her, and she's not exactly sure why.
She catches the flare of grief, knowing the answer before it's given. At least, she thought she did. "He's dead," Bail answers simply. "It was too much for him."
"What?" she whispers, horrified. "What do you mean?" Behind her, Rex's shock flares.
Bail looks away. "Master Yoda sent him to kill Vader. He did, but he couldn't deal with it."
"What do – who's Vader?" Ahsoka demands, the denials swelling up into a raging scream inside her head. Anakin was just alive days ago, and so was Obi-Wan. She was going to come back to the Order, but it's all for naught now.
"Your – Skywalker joined the Sith," Bail says by way of explanation, sorrow in his eyes. "He led the Jedi Purges."
"No," mumbles Ahsoka. "You have to be lying. That's not –" She doesn't remember collapsing, but Rex is there, holding onto her as she breaks. Maul was right, and that realization hurts more than anything else. Why did this have to happen? Anakin's dead. Obi-Wan killed him. Obi-Wan killed himself.
She barely has the presence of mind to remember what Obi-Wan had asked her. "Padme?" she chokes out, turning her head to find Bail. "Is she –?"
He shakes his head silently. "Something went wrong. One of the babies… she was bleeding internally, but the shock was too much, and she died."
Ahsoka doesn't know if he's saying shock from the news or blood loss, but something tells her it's the former. Well, that's another friend who's gone. "The child – children – what of them?" she manages to ask. She's never dealt with younglings before, but this was Obi-Wan's final request, and she has to fulfill it.
"Twins," the Senator supplies. "Master Yoda and I were just discussing their fate."
She scrambles to her feet again, holding onto Rex for support. "Take it easy, Ahsoka," he tells her softly, and he flashes him a quick smile, grateful for his steadfast loyalty.
"I – I'm taking them," she insists. "Master – That's what Obi-Wan asked me to do. He sent me a message right before – you know…" Her voice trails off, and she blinks furiously, trying to hold back her tears.
"Master Yoda doesn't think it's safe to keep them together," Bail responds quietly.
Ahsoka is shaking her head before he's even done. "No. I'm taking them."
"I'll help her," Rex adds, squeezing her shoulder.
Straightening, the two of them walk towards the door of the medical facility, following Bail. He must have seen something on her face because he doesn't protest. Ahsoka repeats herself to Yoda, and though it's obvious he disapproves, he finally gives his permission.
Less than an hour later, Ahsoka and Rex are seated in the Nubian cruiser which used to belong to Padme. The twins, Luke and Leia, are sleeping in the cabin. Rex doesn't say anything while Ahsoka scrolls through the log. She's totally numb, unable to properly interact with her surroundings. Padme's body was shipped back to Naboo for a funeral, while Obi-Wan's is on the ship. He was close to Anakin in life, so it's only right that they remain so now.
But maybe that's only an excuse. She doesn't know why she's going to Mustafar, except – except because something. Closure, perhaps. It's not likely that there's anything left of Anakin's body for her to see, not that she wants to see anyways.
In truth, it doesn't matter, because it's not as though anyone is asking her to explain her motives to them. It's a long, solemn trip through hyperspace, and the monotony is broken only by the twins' fussing. They're so incredibly Force sensitive that it takes every bit of Ahsoka's strength to mask them. She's so drained that staying awake and alert is a hard task, but she can't sleep either. She already tried.
So, when they arrive at Mustafar, Ahsoka is piloting the ship in a daze, unsure exactly where she's going, but letting the Force guide her. She lands on an embankment above a lava river and hears the Force whispering an approval. It's the best funeral Obi-Wan will get, but she doubts he'd want anything more, not after – after everything.
Leaving Rex behind to watch the shuttle and the babies, Ahsoka lifts Obi-Wan's too-still form – wrapped in a robe – and carries it behind her with the Force. Her steps are uneven on the ground, and the heat hits her. It's almost unbearable, and a tiny part of her which she'll never admit exists would like nothing more than to throw herself into the lava as well. Rex. Luke. Leia. They need her now, and she won't shun that responsibility.
She stops when her foot kicks something and looks down to see the scorched hilt of a lightsaber. Anakin's lightsaber. If he was here, its too late to see him. The only thing which would be left is ashes – maybe bones if she looked hard enough, but she refuses to. Obi-Wan's lightsaber is clipped to her belt in place of her own, both of which she's lost or left. Your lightsaber is your life. Not funny.
Anakin's hilt in her hand then, and she turns it over, feeling the burned metal in her hand. It's so unmistakable his that it feels as though her heart has been clamped in a vice. Inhaling shakily, Ahsoka lays Obi-Wan's body down at the edge of the lava river, around where Anakin's must have been lying. She ought to keep the lightsabers, but no. Anakin's was used to slaughter the Jedi, and Obi-Wan's stole the lives of the two people she'd valued most in the galaxy. Without hesitating, she tosses both into the lava, watching as they disappear.
Turning, she boards the ship, calling to Rex that she's back. They don't have time to waste, so he flies the ship away into the vastness of space before making their first jump – of many – to hyperspace. Only then does Ahsoka let herself break into sobs, wrapping her arms around Rex and crying into his shoulder. She pretends not to notice his tears. It's ironic, really, how the two of them are still together. They were both siblings to Anakin, so she supposes that means they're now siblings to each other.
They stay like that, holding onto one another until the twins begin wailing.
**w**
Red, green, blue, and white lightsabers flash before him, but it's hazy and blurry as through looking through a film. Still, Anakin supposes that it's better than not being able to see anything. It's not as though he doesn't know what will happen – he does, but he still feels the need to witness it.
Death is… nothing like what he'd expected if he's being honest. He didn't simply cease to exist like he'd often thought. Instead, he'd entered a gray zone between life and the afterlife. He'd chosen to stay there along with his mother, who had been waiting for him, Obi-Wan, who hadn't wanted to leave his side, and Padme, who wanted to wait for their children. And two decades later, they're still waiting, still together.
He can just barely make out Ahsoka, Luke, and Leia fighting Sidious aboard the Death Star, and if he could experience emotions the way he did when alive, he would definitely feel a sharp sting of regret, because that should have been him. Instead, he'd failed abysmally. But let the past remain in the past. Only the here and now matter. Maybe that was Obi-Wan's thought, maybe not. They exist more as impressions of personalities and memories than separate consciousnesses. Their thoughts and feelings are passed along without even a shred of resistance.
Anakin thinks it'll be different on the other side, in the afterlife, but for now, he's focused solely on the duel before him. His twins are powerful, and he can feel Padme's worry, his mother's pride, and Obi-Wan's satisfaction around him. Ahsoka was fierce, but the twins are even more so. They're probably deadlier than he ever was, having been trained by a gray Jedi. Or maybe he's beginning to forget just how deadly he could be.
Darkness and negativity don't seem to exist here, at least not in the sense the human mind would understand, so while the term would be regret with respect to the things he did as Vader, it's not quite like that here. He's literally part of the Force – death, yet the Force – and he's not all-knowing, but he can still see the future. And he knows his time here is rapidly drawing to a close.
The duel between the last Jedi and Sith continues, and Anakin would have flinched if he could when Sidious's lightsaber slices though Ahsoka's left arm, shearing it off near the shoulder, and slicing into her ribs. Infuriated, the twins attack him again, and all too soon, it's over. Sidious is killed – Luke and Leia hit him from opposite sides in unison – and the Death Star is about to explode from the attack by the Rebel fleet. They lift Ahsoka and race towards the hanger where Rex is waiting with the shuttle.
They make it into the shuttle when the Death Star explodes. Anakin – all of them – mourn as Luke, Leia, Ahsoka, and Rex become one with the Force, but they're also at peace. They've been patiently waiting for this day for years, and it's nearly blissful to be able to move on.
"Anakin?" Ahsoka's voice – thought, rather – flares with surprise when she makes out his familiar presence.
"Father?" the twins chorus, echoing Ahsoka with surprise.
Anakin feels an overwhelming surge of love, joy, sadness, pride, and pain, because they're reunited here in the Force.
"Come," Obi-Wan calls them drifting away towards the barrier to the other side. "It's time."
"Time?" Rex queries.
"To move on," Padme explains.
"We've been waiting for all of you," Anakin adds.
Regrets have no place here, but if Anakin could regret, he'd wish to do everything all over again, but he can't regret how it's turned out. He can't regret being this close to Obi-Wan, to Padme, to his mother. Had he realized this was what lay beyond, he wouldn't have done any of the things which he did, because he would have been assured of being reunited with everyone he's loved.
Obi-Wan is the one who guides them all to the pathway to the beyond, and for the briefest second, Anakin gets a flash of what the afterlife is. It's not real, but it will seem real. It's a replication of what lies in their minds, of the places they wish to be, and when they're content, they can move on, maybe disappearing entirely, or maybe something else, he knows not what.
Never did Anakin think he could be this content, this happy, because his entire family is with him. His mother. His two brothers. His sister. His wife. His children. Everyone. "I love you," he thinks fiercely. "I love all of you so much." In response, he receives a mixture of love and adoration from everyone present, and he's still smiling as they fade away. Together.